Ep 200. A Milestone in Our Journey Together

Mary Stone celebrates the 200th episode of the podcast, reflecting on the journey and the lessons gained from nature and gardens and thanking listeners for their help and kind support. She chats about her hopes to expand her reach, perhaps on YouTube, without being attached to outcomes. Like seeds, allow things to grow naturally and accept them for what they become, as we should accept each other in this Garden of Life.

Related Episodes, Posts, and Helpful Links:

A Milestone in Our Journey Together - Blog Post

Wood Frogs Sing for Spring - Blog Post with stunning photos by Blaine Rothauser

Ep 20. Unexpected Furry Messenger, Father John's Memorial Garden

Ep 34. Forest Bathing, Willowwood Champion Trees

Ep 46. The Gift of Cut Flowers

Ep 31. Comedy of Crickets, Mayapple of My Eye

Ep 126. A Sunflower Maze Brings Happiness

8888

I'd love to hear your garden and nature stories and your thoughts about topics for future podcast episodes. You can email me at AskMaryStone@gmail.com.

You can follow Garden Dilemmas on Facebook and Instagram #MaryElaineStone.
Episode web page —Garden Dilemmas Podcast Page

Thank you for sharing the Garden of Life,
Mary Stone, Columnist & Garden Designer
                                        AskMaryStone.com

More about the Podcast and Column:

Welcome to Garden Dilemmas, Delights, and Discoveries.

It's not only about gardens; it's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learned from mother nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So, let's jump in in the spirit of learning from each other. We have lots to talk about.

Thanks for tuning in, Mary Stone
Garden Dilemmas? AskMaryStone.com
Direct Link to Podcast Page

Transcript

Ep 200 A Milestone in Our Journey
Sat, Apr 05, 2025 10:47PM • 16:09
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
Garden dilemmas, nature inspirations, episode 200, wood frogs, chainsaw noise, screen porch, Miss Ellie Mae, addiction, forest bathing, lesson of the leaf, hospice volunteering, cut flowers, mental health, YouTube expansion, gratitude.
SPEAKERS
Mary Stone

Mary Stone  00:00
Mary, Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. I'm Mary Stone, and welcome to garden dilemmas, delights and discoveries. It's not only about gardens. It's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learn from mother nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So let's jump in, the spirit of learning from each other, we have lots to talk about. 

Mary Stone  00:26
Hello, there. It's Mary Stone on the screen porch. It is very chilly out here, I must say. And there is somebody working on some downed trees, so I may hear some chain sawing going on in the background. For those of you who have been sitting with me since our start 199 episodes ago, we have reached a milestone. This is episode 200 and for those of you who are joining us, welcome. There's much to learn in this garden of life from the rhythms of nature in our gardens and each other. And I am so grateful for all of you for being part of my growth. 

Mary Stone  01:01
I thought we'd celebrate the milestone by reminiscing about our journey together, but first, I want to thank those that reached out about our last chat about wood frogs singing for spring with a special thank you to my friend Blaine Rothauser, who shared his stunning photos on the column post for all of us to enjoy. He was so quick to offer the photographs, and they are spectacular. I will put a link in the show notes for those who maybe have missed it. Given the chilly weather, I think the little guys are back to snoozing but look forward to their songs again when the temperatures warm, along with the spring peepers sure to join the chorus.

Mary Stone  01:38
 While preparing my talking points, I began writing in circles, kind of like going through a day or days chasing your tail. Do you know what I mean by that? I bet you do, running from here to there, attending to tasks and not feeling as though much is accomplished or you're off track, off kilter. When that happens, it may be best to take a deep breath or two or three or 100 and bring yourself back to the place of peace that is rooted in all of our souls. It's hard to do sometimes, as the noise of the world clamors for attention, and we can get caught up in the drama of it all or not, let's not. Let's bring ourselves back to the roots of who we are, souls rooted in love, peace and kindness. 

Mary Stone  02:24
Jolee is here capturing a sunbeam, something we all should take time to do. Though, should is not the best word. Have you ever heard of the play on it? I think I should stop "shoulding" all over myself. Instead of should. Let's allow, allow ourselves to capture the sun beams, to capture the beauty of the natural world, which we are all part of and one with. It makes me think of the poem by Hafiz: Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, you owe me. Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky." I just love the sentiment of that, don't you? 

Mary Stone  03:03
So my dear friends sitting with me on the screen porch, we're going to have to take this inside, because the tree service that's working up on the hill is now making way too much noise. So please join me now in the library next to my writing chair, and we'll make the best of things. Shall we? 

Mary Stone  03:23
So I'm back inside now, folks, I wish we could have done it all out on the screen porch, because there's so many lovely bird sounds going on. But let's go on with the story. Speaking of furry family, when we started our porch chats, Miss Ellie. Mae was my sidekick, my unexpected furry messenger who arrived in my life after I found the courage to end the merry go round of a marriage ruined by the isolation and neglect of addiction. We shared isolation and neglect in common. She from owners that may have adored puppies, but not dogs, and left her alone in a cage in their backyard, unprotected from the hot Georgian sun, rarely fed or watered her first year of life. I from a husband who loved his addictions rather than me, Ellie and I healed and grew together, though she never overcame her dreaded fear of other dogs. She had scars on her belly from her first year of life, so I suspect she may have been attacked as a pup, and so I accepted her emotional scars, which I call stretch marks, as permanent, just as I accept mine. In a way, my foster dog became family because she wasn't adoptable by the standards of most rescue organizations. She'd ignite with aggression, which was actually fear. 

Mary Stone  04:41
I invite you to tune into Episode 20, Unexpected Furry Messenger, Father John's Memorial Garden, which tells the story. It was recorded in August of 2020, during the thick of the pandemic. Losing her then added to the loneliness and isolation we all felt at the time and being isolated from our families and each other a coincidental throwback, when I think about it now. As difficult as it was, hurting the soul of my being, I am grateful for what became my permission to leave the marriage. It's so difficult when you realize somebody doesn't love you. You know it really is tough. 

Mary Stone  05:19
It was Election Day, 2008 and I drove from an attorney appointment to town hall to vote out of the blue, my brother Bill called - My soulful twin, having become twins in third grade. Never had he called in the middle of the workday, but he felt my energy and sadness through ugly tears. I shared the recent details of a marriage struggle which put my safety at risk. But I still love him. I said, Bill asked if I had water nearby. Go there and find a leaf. Watch him maneuver through the current slowly, beautifully and serenely. You see, none of us have control over the current, a parallel to the ebbs and flows in our lives. Let go, trust and live calmly and serenely, rather than resist the flow like the leaf in the water. I've observed hundreds of leaves since - probably 1000s, actually - and little did I know that a few years after Bill shared the lesson of the leaf, his wisdom would see me through losing him too, rolling right into the torturous, long goodbye of my mother with dementia. 

Mary Stone  06:28
And here we are, over a decade later, the remarkable wisdom of my soulful twin brother Bill's Lesson of the Leaf, the title of my forthcoming book will, God willing, be published and help others maneuver through their hardships and losses to find the unconditional love and growth that comes from within, and how the lessons from nature and our gardens help heal and grow our lives. For those of you that are new here, I invite you to tune into Episode 180 where I share the Overview of the Lesson of Leaf. Jolee is back from her breakfast and is sitting in the sunbeam once again. I'm kind of smiling here, because it seems like it quieted down out there. I think we can go back on the porch, shall we? Let's give it a try. 

Mary Stone  07:24
It is quieter. Oh, my goodness. Well, you know, talk about going with the flow. Hopefully, we'll have some more bird songs to enjoy. I related to Ellie's fear of dogs, having a dreaded fear of dogs as a child that followed me well into adulthood. In retrospect, it may have been unconditional love that I feared yet longed for - don't we all? Five months after saying goodbye to Ellie, we adopted Jolee through Father John's Animal House. Though I didn't feel ready, just as I didn't feel ready when Ellie stumbled into my life unexpectedly soon after Miss Sarah passed away, which coincided with the end of the marriage. I didn't know if I could have a dog if I had to move as an outcome of the divorce. But it all worked out as it was intended, and I could stay in this beautiful respite, surrounded by nature, where I found home. Farm country, where I am blessed to live. The Appalachian Trail runs parallel on the ridge up the road, a piece.

Mary Stone  08:27
 I think back on when I found this place. It was an unplanned move, having recently married to my now ex-husband, who struggled with addiction that impacted our lives. He lost his business because of it, and we downsized and moved to Blairstown, New Jersey. Magically during a time of strife, I found home. It felt like mini-Vermont, a place I longed for. Before moving here, I'd frequent Vermont to hike and ski and feel a sense of loss when I returned to New Jersey, just outside of Manhattan, where I lived from my early 20s until my mid-30s, during my corporate career in publishing and marketing. The downsize and do over became a gift of finding where I felt at home, because I belong amongst nature. Always have. 

Mary Stone  09:14
I moved to Manhattan to attend college and pursue a career in fashion, not a good fit, but I found my way to the fashion of plants. I enjoyed the city's cultural offerings while I was there, but I longed for the green and I sought it out. I'd walk all the way up to Central Park and traipse through the lawns in my bare feet to feel the green and walk amongst the trees. In Episode 34 Forest Bathing Willowwood, Champion Trees, I shared bits of my roots. How I ditched my bike as a kid, feeling lonely, despite having four siblings and an intact set of parents. I'd wander in the woods, each time going a bit further. There was a heap of old cars rusting away that scared me, but I felt such a sense of accomplishment when my courage overcame the fear, and I walked beyond them. So, in addition to the scientifically proven health benefits of walking amongst the trees, I added one last benefit of forest bathing, my addition.  The feeling of adventure and courage walking beyond unknowns and fears and letting go of what once was. 

Mary Stone  10:19
It all makes sense when we look back at our lives, the ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, the losses and gains. Finding the courage to leave the marriage allowed me to focus on my healing and growth, to let go of the suffering, to end my partaking in the unhappiness and loneliness, taking ownership of it. What a remarkable gift that Miss Ellie gave, stumbling into my life to heal with me, teaching me that neglect is abuse. Many of us tend to be good at giving, but don't feel worthy of receiving. Saying enough, no, and letting go is loving yourself enough to find the calmness and the kindness we all deserve.  When you think about it, nature teaches us that. How animals, insects and plants function in the natural world is all about preserving their species. Wanting to feel safe and peaceful is based on your survival instincts. Ending a harmful relationship may seem selfish to some, but there's nothing wrong with saving yourself and prioritizing yourself. It's not selfish, it's self-awareness.

Mary Stone  11:25
Putting yourself first may feel uncomfortable, but prioritizing yourself is the only way to be of service to others. Kind of like when you're on an aircraft and they tell you to bring the oxygen to yourself before helping the child next to you. I receive much more than I give, visiting and providing music for patients and their families at the Karen and Quinlan Home for Hospice and volunteering for Comfort Zone Camp, a grief camp for kids. Just as we receive more joy and bounty from our gardens than we give by lovingly cultivating our dear Earth. And serenity and peace will grow if we all tend to ourselves, our families, friends, neighbors and our dear Earth with kindness and love.

Mary Stone  12:08
It all makes sense now when I look back on losing my brother Bill, which led me to accessing grief counseling at my local hospice, which led me to become a volunteer, which brought me my beloved singing partner and dear friend, Ken Roberts, into my life. Through Ken, I've had a new appreciation for cut flowers, as we talked about in episode 46 The Gift of Cut Flowers and how he gave the leave behinds to nursing homes and others to bring light into their lives. And the light he brings with his masterful music I enjoy each week with him. And the new twist on Mayapple of My Eye, his original song titled Mandrakes, another name for Mayapple. You can tune into it in Episode 31 Comedy of Crickets, Mayapple of My Eye. But more than that, he filled a place in my heart serving others that I longed to fill, along with the friendship of love that I cherish.

Mary Stone  13:04
 I can see now that things in my life unfolded as they were supposed to, and the same is true for you. If you look back in time and sit in the presence of your life. The repercussions of the pandemic and the loss of a job had a dramatic effect on my life partner, which in turn impacted me, causing a health emergency I shared in previous episodes and the blessing of learning of the services of the Mental Health Association that helped me to heal and grow. And the joyful day of visiting the sunflower maze with others benefiting from their services, we chatted about in episode 126 A Sunflower Maze Brings Happiness. It was a god incidence running into the helpers of that agency that really helped me learn to make myself a priority once again. 

Mary Stone  13:50
So here we are at a milestone, and one of my hopes is to bring this podcast to YouTube in addition to the podcast platforms we are on. I'm not sure how I will do it, but I am going to try to cast fear aside. Thank you for allowing me to have this reflection. I had a goal in my mind of 200 episodes, and here we are, a milestone, a crossroads, something accomplished. It's a good feeling. But along with that comes my new goal of wanting to expand our audience so more of us can learn and grow in this garden of life. But I'm not going to be attached to the outcomes. I'm going to see what unfolds naturally, just as seeds are emerging from the soil this time of year. Let's see how things grow and accept them for what they become as we should accept each other in this garden of life. 

Mary Stone  14:45
I appreciate you allowing me to make the best of things with all the ambient noise of the chainsaw and the stump grinding. That's what we all have to do. Don't we? Make the best of things and enjoy every moment as we do. So I look forward to more episodes to come, however it unfolds. I invite you to email me at ask marystone@gmail.com or through the social links. So I want to thank you, all of you for joining me on the screen porch. I am actually a little emotional sharing my gratitude, and I have to especially send my thank you to Alex Bartling, who kindly has taken this on, and we met in a spontaneous sort of way, and he made one of my dreams come true. So thank you, Alex, for all that you do for me and for all of us that get to tune in each week. See you next time on the screen porch. 

Mary Stone  15:38
You can follow garden dilemmas on Facebook or online at Garden dilemmas.com and on Instagram at hashtag. Mary Elaine stone garden dilemmas, delights and discoveries is produced by Alex Bartling. Thanks for coming by. I look forward to chatting again from my screen porch and always remember to embrace the unexpected in this garden of life, have a great day.