Ep 251 - A Changing Gardens Teaches What Belongs

What a Changing Garden Teaches  - Finding What Belongs

Sometimes what we see as a problem is simply a message.

While visiting a longtime client in Sparta, New Jersey, Mary Stone reflects on shifting conditions in our landscapes—from struggling rhododendrons and declining pachysandra to the beauty and wisdom of moss. Along the way, she revisits an old dilemma—ants in a mossy patio—with a fresh perspective shaped by time, experience, and a growing appreciation for nature’s balance.

Link to the Companion Post:  What a Changing Garden Teaches

🔗 Links to Related Posts and Podcasts: 

Podcast Episodes:

• Ep 121 – Admiration for Ants & Safe Remedies
• Ep 249 – Living Mulch: Layering with Native Plants
• Ep 173 – Oakleaf Hydrangea for All Seasons 
• Ep  10 – Beauty in Dreariness, Furry Invaders 
• Ep 250 -  Weeping Cherry Dilemmas: Trees Tell a Story

Blog Posts:

• Ants Be Gone
• Admiration for Ants & Safe Remedies
• Magnificent Moss
• Native Rhododendrons

Garden Dilemmas? Visit AskMaryStone.com or listen on your favorite podcast app. 

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I'd love to hear your garden and nature stories, as well as your thoughts on topics for future podcast episodes. You can email me at AskMaryStone@gmail.com.   

You can follow Garden Dilemmas on Facebook and Instagram #MaryElaineStone.

You can also listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and your favorite podcast app.

Thank you for sharing the Garden of Life,
 Mary Stone
Columnist & Garden Designer

More about the Podcast and Column:

 Welcome to Garden Dilemmas, Delights, and Discoveries.

 It's not only about gardens; it's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learned from Mother Nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So, let's jump in, in the spirit of learning from each other. We have lots to talk about.

Thanks for tuning in, Mary Stone 
Garden Dilemmas? AskMaryStone.com
Direct Link to Podcast Page

Transcript

Ep 251- A Changing Garden Teaches What Belongs

Sun, May 03, 2026 10:17AM • 11:52

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Garden dilemmas, nature inspirations, weeping cherry, seasonal tune-ups, Rhododendron decline, Pachysandra blight, native plants, oak leaf hydrangea, ant dilemma, moss in lawns, ground covers, native ground covers, garden communication, earth grounding, garden design.  

Mary Stone  00:00

Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. I'm Mary stone, and welcome to garden dilemmas, delights, and discoveries. It's not only about gardens, it's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learn from Mother Nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So let's jump in, in the spirit of learning from each other, we have lots to talk about. 

Mary Stone  00:26

Hello there. It's Mary stone on the screen porch. I have to say, it's bit late in the day. I was out early, adding to a client's garden area not far from here. So thank you for joining me. It's a beautiful day, with low humidity and just cold in the morning and warming to 60 degrees, the sun is shining, and those early spring clouds that just seem to pop out of a Robin blue colored sky, there's just something magical about spring skies. I don't know if you feel the same way.

Mary Stone  00:56

 I want to thank those of you who reached back after our last episode about weeping cherry, the one where we talked about how trees tell their stories if we take the time to notice. It's fun to hear from so many of you who didn't realize that most weeping cherries are grafted and that what looks natural often has quite a bit of human help behind the scenes. That conversation seemed to spark some curiosity, which I always love. I'll put a link in the show notes if you missed the episode or would like to revisit it, or look at the blog version, where you can see the beautiful photographs. 

Mary Stone  01:31

Yes, indeed, this time of year I am visiting with clients for my seasonal tune-ups and add-ons. And I heard from a long-time client that I hadn't heard from in quite a while it was such a delight that turned into this week's story that starts like this.

Mary Stone  01:45

 Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. It's always a joy to hear from clients, those from long ago and those I visit each year for garden tune-ups. Recently, I heard from Pam in Sparta, New Jersey, whose garden I designed 10 years ago, hard to believe. Together with my associate installer, we transformed a very steep backyard into something special, garden, steps among tiered boulder walls, and a quaint stone patio overlooking what became a meadow of sorts, a lawn mixed with wild flowers where their dogs can run freely within a deer fence. And in Sparta, that's no small thing; the deer pressure there is really amongst the worst. I mean, they're almost tame, I must say.

Mary Stone  02:30

Pam shared that her Rhododendron had been declining over the past few years. Nursery professionals attributed it to the drought summers we've had over the last few years and advised Pam to water more, but unfortunately, it hadn't helped. Pachysandra, once lush and established before I ever arrived, has nearly disappeared. I'm hearing more and more about rhododendrons struggling in our region. Extended periods of drought, as I said, followed by the intense rain events, can cause stress on their shallow roots. Add to that the erratic temperature swings. It's no wonder we're seeing an increase in root rot, lace bug damage, and general decline. 

Mary Stone  03:12

As for the Pachysandra, what Pam is likely experiencing is widespread here. Pachysandra terminalis, the familiar Japanese Pachysandra, has been hit hard by volatile blight, a fungal disease that causes yellowing, thinning, and dying back, especially in stressed and overcrowded plantings. What once seemed like an indestructible ground cover in many gardens is fading away. But instead of replacing it, I favor our native Allegheny spurge, Pachysandra procumbens. It has a softer, more natural habit, forming lovely colonies of blue-green foliage with hints of silver and purple that deer don't favor. Unlike its non native cousin, it's not overly aggressive. It doesn't squelch out other plants, and it supports wildlife, including early pollinators. 

Mary Stone  04:05

The good news is that much of Pam's garden is still thriving, including oak leaf hydrangea along the back deck and hydrangea quackerfolia, a plant for all seasons, which I rave about. And her pink Flowering Tree peony, Peony sefrutticosa, is standing tall and elegant. They're grafted too. These grafted woody shrubs have the strength to hold their magnificent blooms upright, unlike their herbaceous counterparts, which tend to flop.

I'm looking forward to meeting with Pam and Ed for a landscape review and recommendation consultation to assess the declining plants and to explore thoughtful replacements and adjustments. Hopefully we can recover those Rhododendron because they were stunning. 

Mary Stone  04:51

And I have to say, I am very proud of the blog post version of this story and the newspaper article, because I have before-and-after photos of that steep. Garden space. As we were reminiscing about our first time working together in our chat the other day, I had to ask her if she still had dogs. And of course, they do, and she named the same two dogs that are now 11 and 12 that I met when I worked with her. It's funny how we mark the passage of time through our children, or for many of us, our beloved canine companions. I had Miss Ellie then, and now it's Jolie. 

Mary Stone  05:26

Pam and Ed are also the same clients who once had an ant dilemma in their blue stone patio. It was fun to revisit that story from 2017. I called it ants be gone. The shady patio had a welcome soft carpet of moss between the blue stones that they adore. But the dilemma ants had taken up residence. What do you recommend to keep ants out and moss in? Is what was published in that article from so long ago. But this is the new twist. She's wondering about her front lawn, where grass struggles and moss thrives. It's comical to me because there, of course, moss isn't desirable. I think her husband may be more of a lawn enthusiast than Pam is, but moss isn't the problem. It's the messenger. 

Mary Stone  06:15

Moss lives where conditions favor it: shady areas with four to six hours of sunlight or less compacted, poorly drained soil; low fertility; and often acidic conditions. Typically, pH is around 5.0 to 5.5 in these environments, and grass struggles while moss steps in to do what it does best. Yes, indeed, lawn enthusiasts try to fix the moss by removing it, liming the soil, or forcing turf to grow where it simply doesn't want to. But instead of fighting Moss, let's embrace it, or consider planting ground covers that naturally thrive in the same conditions.  

Mary Stone  06:55

A few beautiful, deer-resistant native options for those kinds of spaces include golden ragwort, Packera aurea, a cheerful, semi-evergreen ground cover with bright yellow spring flowers, excellent for moist, shady areas. There is foam flower, tiarella cordifolia, with delicate, airy blooms in spring and lovely foliage that forms a soft, spreading carpet in Woodland settings. And wild ginger, a serum canadense, a lush, low-growing plant with heart-shaped leaves that thrives in deep shade and rich soils. We spoke about these lovelies, just not too long ago in Episode 249, living mulch layering with native plants. Yes, indeed, when you combine these beautiful plants in a tapestry, not only is it stunning to look at, but they also support pollinators and enrich the soil.

Mary Stone  07:52

The question, therefore, is not how to force what we want, but how to recognize what belongs in the garden and in life. We're often better off accepting conditions rather than resisting them. When we do what once felt like a problem can reveal itself as an invitation for something else more beautiful to thrive. Garden Dilemmas. Ask Mary Stone.

Mary Stone  08:17

You know, when I think about it, when I first wrote the story, ants be gone when Pam and Ed had their ant dilemma, I hadn't yet developed the admiration for ants I now have, as we talked about in episode 121. I shared some safe remedies, some more effective than others, such as vinegar sprays that can work but are highly acidic and can damage surrounding plants, including the moss that you're trying to preserve. There's borax based baits that are more targeted. The ant carries the bait back to its colony, addressing the root of the issue rather than just moving it along. But I'd rather just move them along using natural deterrents such as cinnamon, cayenne pepper, and garlic that don't eliminate ants; they just redirect them, which brings us back to a perspective. Sometimes the goal isn't total elimination, it's balance. Because ants, like so many creatures in the garden, are part of a larger system. They aerate the soil. They help decompose organic matter. They certainly are not villains. They're simply in the wrong place for our liking. 

Mary Stone  09:23

And Moss, well, moss invites a different kind of reflection. I always find it so funny, really, how we cherish moss in one setting, tucked between blue stones lining a woodland path, but in the lawn, we label it as a problem, same plant, different way of looking at it. What if, instead of trying to fix moss, we see it as a guide, an invitation to reconsider how we use that space, to work with it, instead of against it? 

Mary Stone  09:50

And so I have to tell you, this is, this is another way to love moss. Take off your shoes and socks on a warm day, and find a patch of it. Just stand in it for a while, feel its softness and its fuzziness. It's called grounding or earthing, and it truly makes you feel grounded to do it, just as walking barefoot on your lawn or on the beach. How good we feel when we walk barefoot. The garden and nature aren't just something we look at. It's something to experience. 

Mary Stone  10:23

And maybe that's the deeper takeaway from Pam's story. Whether it's a struggling plant, a patch of moss, or even a trail of ants, the garden is always communicating. And when we listen, when we really listen, we begin to understand not just what will grow best there, but how we might grow too. 

Mary Stone  10:42

So thanks for coming by and joining me on the screen porch. I am looking forward to showering. It's been a long day, but I'm grateful to have the wrap-up of the day with you today. Thank you for your comments, and I always enjoy hearing from you, really. So keep them coming by emailing me at Ask Mary stone@gmail.com. So look up, by the way, and notice those puffy, white clouds that seem to pop in that robin's egg—blue colored sky. There's just something magical. And look down and enjoy the fuzziness of moss. I look forward to the next time on the screen porch. Have a beautiful day. 

Mary Stone  11:21

You can follow Garden Dilemmas on Facebook or online at GardenDilemmas.com and on Instagram at hashtag Mary Elaine Stone: Garden Dilemmas, Delights, and Discoveries is produced by Alex Bartling. Thanks for coming by.

I look forward to chatting again from my screen porch, and always remember to embrace the unexpected in this garden of life. Have a great day.