ANNOUNCER
The following podcast is a scripted adaptation of a live performance by ComecyCazi, in which the story was written but the dialogue was not. Please enjoy: Cyber-Warriors
Scene 1: School Hallway
SOUND: RAD HIGH SCHOOL AMBIANCE, BELL RINGING AND LOCKER SLAMS, WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL EDUCATIONAL!
CODY
Yo Meg!
MEG
Hey, Cody!
CODY
How was your summer break?
MEG
It was, like, totally tubular! Awesome!
CODY
What did you do at computer camp?
MEG
I created, like, 17 new apps and programs!
CODY
Awesome, awesome!
MEG
What about you?
CODY
I built a robot I can wear!
MEG
Aw! That is totally tubular!
CODY
Awesomeoroonie!
MEG
Woooo!
CODY
Group B for life!
KYLE
Hey Cody. Hey Meg.
BOTH
Hey Kyle!
KYLE
How was your summer?
CODY
It was cool! We went to computer camp and she made some apps and I built a robot!
KYLE
That sounds totally rad.
MEG
What did you do this summer? We missed you at camp!
KYLE
I was in a hospital for a lot of it. I have a disease.
CODY
We know. Hey. How's it going, friend?
KYLE
It's been pretty terrible.
CODY
I'm sorry to hear that.
KYLE
It's eating away at me and I don't know how-
CODY
So anyway!
MEG
Anyway!
SOUND: JUST THE KIDS MAKING A FEW RADICAL NOISES INSTEAD OF MAKING MORE CONVERSATION
KYLE
There's actually something I wanted to talk to you guys about. It's about Donavan.
KYLE
Donavan?
MEG
Donavan?
KYLE
That quiet kid who always sits in the back of the class?
KYLE
Yeah, He wasn't at computer camp!
MEG
I just thought he was in a different group.
KYLE
Group A? More like Group Lame! But we were supportive of them anyway.
KYLE
We gotta get out of here and I'll show you what's up.
CODY
Alright!
MEG
Alright! Whatever you say, Kyle!
Scene 2: Donavan’s House: Living Room
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
BROTHER
Hey, Dad. I'm back from Summer Collage.
DAD
Hi, Back From Summer Collage: I'm Dad!
SOUND: SOUND OF A SINCERE BUT STILL EMOTIONALLY RESERVED FATHER/SON HUG.
DAD
It's good to see you, son.
BROTHER
It's good to see you too.
DAD
You caught me in the middle of cutting random vegetable I found in the fridge.
BROTHER
I love it when you make that!
DAD
Thanks! It's been so lonely in this house! It's gonna be hard getting used to cooking for two again!
BROTHER
Heh...Dad, Donavan's been here. Donavan's been here with you all summer...right?
DAD
Huh? Oh! Yeah yeah yeah yeah Donavan's been here. Your little brother. He's been here. He's been down in the basement. You know how he is.
BROTHER
Wait, hold on. I left two months ago. Have you seen Donavan since I left?
DAD
Yeah I....No, I feel like I...No. No. It's been great. It's really been great.
BROTHER
Dad!
DAD
Aw, come on!
BROTHER
Donavan's in high school! You can't not see him for two months!
DAD
When a child turns ten, you can pretty much set them loose and let nature do it!
BROTHER
I mean you'd probably have missed him by now.
DAD
Well, Ever since I became a single father, ever since your mother..............................
SOUND: I THINK A REALLY GOOD REPLACEMENT FOR ALEX'S PHYSICAL GAG OF PUTTING HIS HAND UP TO A WINDOW EVERY TIME THE MOM IS MENTIONED IS JUST THE DEPRESSED SOUND OF A DISTANT RAINSTORM HITTING A WINDOW. THIS IS VERY SPECIFIC AND IF YOU HAVE A BETTER SOUND IDEA TO THE SAME EFFECT, JUST GO WITH THAT.
BROTHER
(DEEP SINCERE BREATH, TAKING A PAUSE TO REMEMBER THE MEMORY OF HIS MOTHER)
Look, Dad. I'm gonna go hang out with some old high school friends and smoke cheap cigars in the abandoned woods. You should go find Donavan. He should be doing something right now.
DAD
You know what? I will, but only because you said something.
BROTHER
Great! Oh, and hey, dad?
SOUND: WOULD IT BE FUNNIER TO ADD A BASKETBALL DRIBBLING NOISE OR JUST HAVE THE BROTHER SAY "DRIBBLE DRIBBLE"?
BROTHER
Catch!
SOUND: WOOSH
DAD
Oh! Haha! Indoor pass!
SOUND: SHWWOH!
BROTHER
OoF! That hurt my ribs! haha!
BOTH
(LAUGHING!)
DAD
I should teach Donavan how to do that for once! Like your mother...................
SOUND: DECIDED UPON SAD NOISE
Scene 3: Donava’s House: Basement
CODY
Kyle, we're not at school anymore! Why are we at Donavan house?
MEG
Yeah, why are we in Donavan's basement?
CODY
It's a school day, dude! You can't be skipping class. That's playing hooky!
KYLE
Sometimes you have to break the rules if you want to save the universe.
CODY
The universe?
KYLE
That's right, the cyberverse. You remember Donavan?
CODY
Yeah, this is where he lives.
MEG
We're in his room.
CODY
It's kinda stanky.
KYLE
There's a smell for a reason. Donavan's trapped...in cyberspace.
CODY
Cyberspace? What the-
SOUND: CLOSET DOOR BEING SWING OPEN
CODY
OH MY GOD!
MEG
Holy Crap!
KYLE
This is Donavan's lifeless body.
CODY
Oh god.
KYLE
I've been keeping him alive with mountain dew and flaming hot cheetos. He's been here since early June.
CODY
Early June?!
KYLE
Yes. But that was several months ago. His dad's only begun to notice now.
CODY
Oh my god. What happened to him?
KYLE
You wouldn't believe me if I told you...
CODY
Well, we're already here, so you might as we ll tell us!
KYLE
He's trapped in the internet. His mind is decaying.
CODY
Trapped in the internet?
MEG
But that technology isn't going to be built in years.
CODY
At least!
KYLE
Except I built it in here about three months ago.
MEG
What?
CODY
What?
KYLE
I used chewing gum and Google and this is what I got.
CODY
Of course!
MEG
It's obvious!
KYLE
I need you to go into cyberspace and save Donovan.
CODY
Save Donovan? Isn't this a job for the fabled cyber warriors?
KYLE
That's exactly who it's a job for.
MEG
But I thought the cyber warriors were just a myth they told us at camp.
KYLE
They were a myth, except they're completely real! I am part of the cyber warrior team, and now I'm recruiting you.
CODY
Whaaaaaat.
MEG
Why don't you go in and save Donavan?
KYLE
I can't. I have a life threatening Disease.
CODY
Oh my gosh.
KYLE
Yes, I would deteriorate in there. Are you ready?
CODY
I don't know about going into the internet, but if someone's in danger, that sounds like a call of duty to me.
MEG
We're in!
KYLE
Let's jack in!
SOUND: THE COOL CYBER MUSIC STARTS PLAYING AS CODY AND MEG TYPE ON THEIR COMPUTERS. SUDDENLY THEY ARE MAGICALLY DRAWN INTO THEIR COMPUTERS.
BOTH
WHOOOOOOOOAH!
SOUND: COOL MAGIC THROUGH SPACE FALLING. A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT INTERNET NOISES (YOU GOT MAIL, FILE ERRORS, THE WORKS) POP UP THROUGH THE ENTIRE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE. THEY SUPERHERO LAND INTO THE INTERNET. CODE FLYS BY THEM.
CODY
Cody Jacking In!
SOUND: SWERLING AROUND AS COOL ARMOR DIGITIZES AROUND HIM.
CODY
Oh yeah!
MEG
Meg Jacking In!
SOUND: SWERLING AROUND AS COOL ARMOR DIGITIZES AROUND HER.
SOUND: KYLE DOES A KEYBOARD SOLO. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TRANSLATE THIS TO AUDIO.
SOUND: THE CYBER WARRIORS SURF THE WEB.
BOTH
Digi-High Five!
SOUND: REAL MEATY SOUNDING HIGH FIVE
Scene 4: Cyberspace: The Dark Web
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
DONAVAN
...lost...in...cybers pace...
MR.VIRUS
Hey kid! Yous looks kinda lost!
DONAVAN
I'm always lost...at home...at school...everywhere...
MR.VIRUS
You don'ts looks like yous from cyberspace! Yous looks like one of them meat bag outside!
DONAVAN
Yeah, but I'm just a meatball out there...
MR.VIRUS
Say, yous interested in hot singles in your area?
DONAVAN
You must be Mr.Virus!
MR.VIRUS
Ohh Yeah!
DONAVAN
I envy you, Mr.Virus. If only I could be like you. I want everyone to notice me. I'm always second place.
MR.VIRUS
Oh, yeah, everyone notices a virus! What if I's tolds ya i could help you out? huh? You could be a virus! I could give you powers and shit.
DONAVAN
That sounds amazing.
MR.VIRUS
You could really stick it to those kids outside. Show them you're not just some weakly little dude.
DONAVAN
I'm tired of being lame, you know? I want my dreams to come true. I want to be number one for once.
MR.VIRUS
Yeaaaaaaaaaasssssss.....
DONAVAN
Mr.Virus, What do we do?
MR.VIRUS
Is can gives you these powers, but yous have to agree to dos something for mes in return.....
DONAVAN
Ok. Sounds easy enough.
MR.VIRUS
Ok, kid, open your mouth.
SOUND: GROSS VIRUS POWERS SLOP OUT OF MR.VIRUS'S MOUTH AND INTO DONAVAN'S. YES, THIS IS GROSS, BUT ALSO IT'S NOT 100% DIFFERENT FROM THE THAT SCENE WHERE ALL MIGHT GIVES DEKU ACCESS TO ALL FOR ONE.
MR.VIRUS
All done!
DONAVAN
Wow! I feel...I feel great! Thanks, Mr.Virus!
MR.VIRUS
Yessssssss.....that’s all!
Scene 5: Cyberspace: The Web
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
KYLE
Alright, great job Cyber Warriors! What's it looking like down there?
CODY
It's looking bodacious!
MEG
Oh my god! This is gorgeous!
CODY
There are so many colors! Like red! And blue! And Yellow! and Green! And more blue!
MEG
And there's purple!
CODY
Yeah, can't forget purple! Never forget purple, kids!
KYLE
It's not real! Don't get ahead of yourselves. We don't want to lose you in there.
BOTH
OK, Kyle…
CODY
Where do we start looking for Donavan?
KYLE
That might have to wait. I feel something...
POP
Well well well! Couple of pop-ups just popping up right here found ourselves some children!
SPAM
Ay, let's say we hit the x's on these windows, eh?
POP
Eh, click here for some HOT financial advice, kids!
CODY
Kyle, we're gonna need an ad-blocker and fast!
KYLE
Alright, time to see what you're made of! Here's a cyber shield for ya!
SOUND: CYBERSHIELD DIGITIZING INTO MEG'S HANDS
MEG
Alright! Let me take this batch down!
SOUND: DEFLECTING DIGI-BLASTS WITH DIGI-SHIELD
MEG
What about a weapon of attack, Kyle?
KYLE
Hehehe, alright! Here's your disco-rang!
SOUND: DIGITIZE DISCORANG, LET'S GIVE THIS ONCE A 70'S/AUSTRALIAN FLANG
MEG
Groovy!
SOUND: DISCO BEATS AND THE RANG IS THROWN, KILLING POP
KYLE
Great job!
CODY
Wow! Digital blood!
SPAM
Oh nooooo! My sapient friend!
CODY
Alright, neoscum! Now you gotta deal with Cody!
KYLE
Don't use your real na me on the internet.
CODY
OK, Kyle! Give me something good!
KYLE
Ok, here comes a small cute kitten cyborg!
SOUND: DIGI-MEOW!
CODY
Oh my god, look at this little kitty!
SPAM
Awe, it's so adorable!
KYLE
Now punch him straight in the face!
SOUND: POW!
SPAM
Ahh!
CODY
Yeah! That's how we do it in an after school special!
MEG
Great job, Cody! Here we go!
KYLE
Great job Cyber Warriors! Now it's time to find Donavan and make sure he doesn't die in here!
CODY
Right! We’re gonna need new skills!
Scene 6: Donavan’s House: Basement
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
KYLE
Alright! Great job Guys! Oh no, that doesn't look good…
SOUND: DOOR OPENING
DAD
Oh, Donavan? What have I said about closed doors in my house? Oh, it's just you, Kyle!
KYLE
Hi, Mr.Donovan's dad.
DAD
Please, Mr.Donovan's dad is my mailman.
(MEANINGFUL PAUSE)
Call me Mr.Dad.
KYLE
Alright, Mr.Dad. um, I'm kinda just working on something something down here.
DAD
Oh, no problem! I'll just close this door!...Actually, have you seen Donavan recently?
KYLE
...Now that I think about it...I did. I saw him the other day. At school.
DAD
He's going to school. That's good.
KYLE
Yeah. He definitely not min here at all.
SOUND: CREEK AND KYLE GOES FLYING TO THE CLOSET DOOR TO HIDE DONAVAN'S VACANT BODY.
DAD
Say, there's not something in that closet you don't want me to notice, is there?
KYLE
You got me! It's a...it's a bunch of screwdrivers in there.
DAD
Well, I am pretty thirsty! Let's say we mix up a couple of those screwdrivers now?
KYLE
No! They're rusty and made of metal.
DAD
You know, I got just the thing. I got a box in there, it's got a maple leaf on it, I can just-
KYLE
I burned that, long ago. I burned it all up. It's not in there.
DAD
You can't do that to somebody's stuff-
KYLE
Listen! You gotta go upstairs and get your life together, ok?
SOUND: DECIDED UPON SAD NOISE
DAD
You know what? You're right. Truer words have never been spoken. And hey. If you see Donavan, tell him his dad's looking for him.
KYLE
I will.
DAD
Want this door closed? I trust you.
KYLE
Yeah, close it on up. Thanks.
Scene 7: Cyberspace: The Servers
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
CODY
Skittles likes it when you scratch his belly!
SOUND: DIGI-CAT NOISE!
MEG
Careful! That can be a trap.
CODY
Hey we got a cute animal sidekick! I think we're doing tubular!
SOUND: ANOTHER KITTY NOISE!
KYLE
Hey, guys1 Sorry. I was distracted. Donavan's dad was here.
BOTH
Oh.
KYLE
He's got a lot going on.
MEG
Yeah.
CODY
We know.
KYLE
Tell me what you can see out there, in that vast expanse of code.
CODY
Well, I see a cute little kitty!
SOUND: KITTY NOISE!
KYLE
Don't look at the kitty! It's not real! It'll tear your face off!
SOUND: KITTY NOISE!
CODY
You gave it to me!
MEG
There's a giant cloud...
CODY
...of ones...
MEG
...and zeros...
CODY
...And ones...
MEG
...And zeros...
CODY
...And ones...
MEG
...And zeros...
CODY
...and ones...
MEG
...And twos...
KYLE
Two?!
CODY
Two?!
KYLE
Did you say two?!
MEG
Get there! Get there now!
CODY
We're gonna need a faster ride then our surfboards!
KYLE
Here you go. Programming cyber unicycle-with-two-seats!
SOUND: DIGITIZING IN THIS SWEET RIDE.
BOTH
Oh yeah!
SOUND: RUSTY LITTLE SQUEAK AS THEY RIDE OFF.
Scene 8: Cyberspace: The Dark Web
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
MR.VIRUS
Yeah....yeah...looking good kid...
DONAVAN
Yeah...I feel so powerful....
MR.VIRUS
Show time, kid! Heres they come!
SOUND: RUSTY LITTLE SQUEAK AS THE CYBER WARRIORS RIDE IN.
CODY
Lean a little to the left.
MEG
That's what I'm doing. You're shaking the-Donavan!
CODY
Donavan!
KYLE
Did you say Donavan?
CODY
Yeah, It's him!
MEG
Donavan! Hey!
KYLE
Thank Cyber-god.
DONAVAN
You sayingvv my name?
CODY
You look cool!
MEG
Super cool! How're you doing, man?
DONAVAN
Hey, Cody. Hey, Meg. Long time, no see.
CODY
Hi, Donavan! This is Skittle the Digi-kitty! She's the new Cyber Warriors mascot!
SOUND: CUTE CAT NOISE!
MEG
Donavan, we've been looking for you all over cyberspace! We've been worried!
CODY
Yeah! Your body is totally an empty decaying husk in the meatspace! We gotta get you back, dude!
DONAVAN
Nah. This is my home now.
KYLE
What's going on? Is he coming back?
MEG
Kyle, he said he doesn't want to come back.
CODY
He said this is his home now!
DONAVAN
Everyone loves me here. I'm famous.
KYLE
He's infected. You gotta take him out.
DONAVAN
Yeah, I'm a virus.
MEG
By force?
KYLE
Yes.
CODY
Alright, Donavan, we don't want to do this by force, but you haven't given us any other choice. You're gonna have to face the radical might of the cyber warriors!
DONAVAN
Hehehehe! Force, you say? I wanted to test out these new powers Mr. Virus gave me!
SOUND: OH SHIT HE'S GOT EVIL POWERS THAT MAKE EVIL NOISES!
DONAVAN
Perfect timing! Hahahaha!
C+M
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!
MEG
Oh man...
CODY
Skittles! Attack!
SOUND: DIGI-KITTY ATTACK NOISE, BEFORE SUDDENLY BEING KILLED. DIGI-KITTY DEATH NOISE :(
CODY
Ah she's dead!
DONAVAN
Let me show you how to attack!
SOUND: VIRUS BLADE
CODY
Ahh!
SOUND: VIRUS BLAST
MEG
Ow!
DONAVAN
Now lift!
SOUND: STRAIGHT UP FORCE LIFT
BOTH
Woah! Woaaaaaaaaaaah! Offf!
KYLE
Cyber warriors! No!
CODY
Kyle, he's kicking our keesters!
DONAVAN
This is great, Mr. Virus! Thank you!
Scene 9: Donavan’s House: Basement
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
KYLE
Oh no...oh shit...oh no...This is terrible...no...
DAD
Oh, Kyle? I was wondering if you could explain this meme I found online?
KYLE
Oh, hey Mr. Donovan's dad-I mean, Mr. Dad.
DAD
Are you ok? You're covered in sweat. Have you been m-mhh. I'll leave you to it.
KYLE
Wait! I hate to say this, but I need your help.
DAD
....mmmmmmmmm no. nope. no.
KYLE
It's about Donavan!
DAD
Donavan?
KYLE
Your son.
DAD
You found him?
KYLE
He was never really gone.
DAD
But what could you mean?
KYLE
Brace yourself.
SOUND: CLOSET DOOR OPENING TO DONAVAN'S LIFELESS HUSK
DAD
Donavan! What hAPPENED TO MY SON?!?!?!?!?
KYLE
You can't touch him! He's held together by paperclips and mountain dew!
DAD
I did this! I PUSHED HIM TO THIS!
KYLE
You're right! You did! But that's half of your story. He still has maybe a day left.
DAD
A day? Hah! My own son has been in the closet for months! And I wasn't there for him! Just like I wasn't there for you, Susan…
SOUND: DECIDED UPON SAD NOISE
KYLE
I remember that day...She fell off Mt. Everest.
DAD
It was a long way down! Ever since then, I've only been half the person I was, so I only paid attention to half my kids.
KYLE
You still have time. You need to go in there and convince your son that you love him. That's the only way we'll get him back! Look at this! Look at him! Those are his friends! They're gonna die in there too and it's all my fault!
DAD
Hey. Don't beat yourself up, under any circumstances, no matter what you did, or who you didn't pay attention to! That's what I learned just now.
KYLE
Are you ready?
DAD
It can't be me! You should go!
KYLE
I can't! Believe me, I would if I could, but...I have a nondescript disease. I don't know what it's gonna strike me. It could be today. It could be tomorrow, but if I go in there, I will surely die. It has to be you, you're his father!
DAD
...Ok. But hooooooooooooooow?
KYLE
That's the easy part.
DAD
Oh.
KYLE
We can jack you in!
SOUND: JACK IN SEQUENCE, BUT IT SOUNDS EVEN MORE DATED WITH OLDER TECHNOLOGY. DAD STARTS SLOWLY SINGLE-FINGER TYPING TO JACK IN, AS OPPOSED TO THE OTHER CYBER WARRIORS QUICK JACK IN TYPING
SOUND: DAD GETS SUCKED INTO CYBERSPACE
DAD
Woah! OoF! Alright! Cyber Dad! Jacking in!...Jacking...Jacking in...
KYLE
You're doing it upside down...turn it around.
DAD
I turned it around and it's not working!
KYLE
Well, turn it around again!
DAD
That's how I did it the first time!
KYLE
Just do it!
DAD
Jacking in! Alright!
SOUND: KYLE DOES ANOTHER KEYBOARD SOLO.
DAD
Cyber dad flight mode!
SOUND: FLYING WHILE DAD MAKES DAD NOISES
DAD
Haha! Yeah! Woo! Haha! Yeah! Dad's on his way, Donavan! Ha! I'm coming son! Ahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!
Scene 10: Cyberspace: The Dark Web
SOUND: THE CYBER WARRIORS PANTING IN EXHAUSTION AS DONAVAN HOVERS IN FRONT OF THEM. VERY DRAGON BALL Z.
DONAVAN
Hehehe! Yes! How does it feel like to be looked down on, Meg and Cody?
MEG
But Donavan, we were never mean to you! We always shared out lunches whenever your dad forgot to pack you one.
DONAVAN
Dad...God damn Dad! Always forgetting about me. I was always alone at lunch time, alone in the corner. Just me...
MR.VIRUS
No mores talking, Donavan! do it! FRAG EM!
DONAVAN
Any last words?
MEG
No, Donavan!
CODY
Donavan, please! I don't want to die in cyberspace!
MEG
IF you die in Cyberspace, you die in real life!
DAD
Wait!
MR.VIRUS
What.v
DONAVAN
D-Dad?
CODY+MEG
Donavan's dad?
DAD
That's right, Donavan, it's me. Stop this foolishness, son.
SOUND: DONOVAN DEACTIVATES VIRUS POWERS
DONAVAN
Dad...Why are you here?
MR.VIRUS
No! He forgot about you! He's just like them! Mivght as well Frag him with the rest!
DAD
No! Donavan! I wasn't there for you and I wasn't there for your mother! I was there for your brother, but that wasn't enough people to be there for! Donavan, I am sorry!
DONAVAN
This time, do you promise you'll be there for me?
DAD
Donavan, I vhave with me Good Code to counteract you Bad Code.
DONAVAN
Code...
DAD
Catch, son.
DONAVAN
Catch?
SOUND: IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS YOU WISH WE COULD AFFORD TO LICENSE MUSIC, LIKE THAT CAT'S IN THE CRADLE SONG. JUST SOME DIGITAL CATCH SOUND BULLSHIT.
CODY+MEG
Awwwww!
DONAVAN
So this is what it feels like to play catch with my dad!
DAD
That's right, Donavan!
DONAVAN
I'm coming home, Dad!
MR.VIRUS
We had a deal, Donavan!
CODY
Sounds like you didn't read the terms and conditions!
DAD
Ha ha ha! Let's put this guy down for good!
CODY+MEG
Oh yeah!
DAD
I believe in the power of cyber dad friendship!
SOUND: KEEEH SOUND AS HE FORMS HIS PART OF THE CYBER CANNON.
MEG
I believe in the power of internet security!
SOUND: KEEEH SOUND AS SHE FORMS HIS PART OF THE CYBER CANNON.
CODY
I believe in the power of online shopping!
SOUND: KEEEH SOUND AS HE FORMS HIS PART OF THE CYBER CANNON.
DONAVAN
And I believe in Dad believing in me and my brother!
SOUND: KEEEH SOUND AS HE FORMS HIS PART OF THE CYBER CANNON. THE CANNON BEGINS TO CHARGE
ALL
CYBER BUSTER CANNON BEAM Attack move!!!!
SOUND: BIG CYBER BALST!
SOUND: MR.VIRUS BEING TORN APART BY BLAST, SCREAMING
MR.VIRUS
It hurts! It really hurts! Why did they program me with pain receptors?!
Scene 10: Donavan’s House: Basement
(CYBER WARRIORS PLAYS AS A TRANSITION)
KYLE
That's a job well done, cyber warriors! Now come back home!
DAD
Haha! You know, from now on, I think I'm gonna leave the jacking in to you teenagers! My blood's too old, sour, and chunky for this action!
CODY
Yeah! Stay in your goddamn lane, old man!
KYLE
Will you take your son to the hospital? He's hanging on by a thread.
DONAVAN
I don't feel so good, dad.
MEG
I think he has scurvy.
DONAVAN
Ah!
CODY
Oh, You should not touch him!
MEG
He's fragel.
CODY
His skin's green.
DONAVAN
I feel like I have diabetes now...Was it the mountain dew?
KYLE
That is not what diabetes is.
CODY
I mean, you probably do have diabetes now, but that's not, like, the biggest problem here.
DAD
Come on son! Let's go to the hospital! Then I'll-
DONAVAN
Ahh!
SOUND: CRACK!
CODY
Don't touch him! Oh god!
DONAVAN
Wow! My first ever trip with you, Dad!
DAD
That's not true. We went to your mother's funeral together! Come on son!
KYLE
It's nice to see those two getting along.
CODY+MEG
Yeah!
CODY
You know, I would have felt a lot more bad killing all those viruses to save Donavan, but it's not like they have souls or anything!
KYLE
Haha! Well, they do and they feel pain and regret, much like us.
MEG
oh.
CODY
Oh.
KYLE
But that's besides the point. They were wrong, we were right. We're winning this fight.
CODY
Ok, let me just bottle up these emotions!...oh...ah...no...OK! All set!
KYLE
And always remember: Stay in school, kids!
CODY
And don't do drugs!
MEG
And always respect your parents!
CODY
And brush your teeth!
KYLE
And always turn the night light off when you go to bed. It could start a fire.
CODY
And always put the seat down, you know?
MEG
Alright!
KYLE
Let's go have pizza!
CODY
I heard Jenny's is having a sale! A pizza sale!
MEG
High five, cyber warriors!
SOUND: COOL KID HIGH FIVE NOISE!
(END OF EPISODE)
CREDITS
This podcast has been a Digital Finger production. ComedyCazi’s Cyber-Warriors. Starring: Eddie Feeley as Cody. Rachel Spannuth as Meg. Jonathn Lang, as Kyle (original performance by Kevin Paquette). Alexander Lang as Mr. Dad Maerose Pepe as Lindsay. Meinhard Taka Valentine as Donovan. Salvatore Fabbiano as Mr. Virus. Tomo Lazovich and Jonathan Lang as virus minions, Spam and Pop. Original Story by: Jonathan Lang. Adapted to audio play by: Eddie Feeley. Original sound design by Emily Ledger. Podcast sound design by Digital Finger. Original Score by Sam Femino and Digital Finger. Special thank you to Comicazi Toys & Games in Davis Square Massachusetts and all of its staff. Special thanks to Bill Imbrogna. For more content, visit Digital Finger at their website at www.digifing.com or check out more podcasts and video comedy content on their Facebook and Twitch, both @ /digitalfingergaming. Thank you for listening to ComedyCazi!