Lori shares her Experience, Strength and Hope in a detailed account of her journey, which still includes pain and struggle today, but of a much different variety than what once brought her to two suicide attempts.
Considered a problem child with too much emotion, both bulimic and alcoholic from the get-go, Lori recalls her constant desire to disappear. Always feeling like a bad person, never right in God’s eyes, Lori began to truly hate herself. And with that perspective of a punishing, conditional God, God became a source of fear and anger, and lead to feelings of abandonment. After her first drunk Lori felt a sense of freedom from her anxiety, and from there, the alcoholic behavior rapidly grew and quickly added layers of suffering.
In an effort to make this pain stop, Lori found herself in treatment. She just wanted a break from life and alcohol, but despite herself and her intentions, Lori got sober. She didn’t hit the AA ground running, but instead had a slow start, making some big mistakes, but is now all the way in. People really know Lori today; Lori lets people know the real her.
“God was repulsive to me, anything that had to do with religion freaked me out . . . I was so afraid to try to believe in a God . . . it never occurred to me that I could have a God in my life if I wasn’t perfect.”
“What I learned in sobriety is that fear was my driving force, I was afraid of everything, I didn’t know that, I just reacted to it.”
“Just because we experience pain, doesn’t mean we’re doing life wrong.”