From Fire To Abundance: Facing Marital Trials With Biblical Courage

Pain shows up in marriage wearing many faces: the hospital bracelet, the unpaid bill, the cold shoulder after a hard word, the ache of distance you can’t name. We tackle those moments head-on and trace a surprising map from fire and water to a place of abundance, drawing on Romans 5, Psalm 66, Ephesians 6, John 15, and 1 Peter 1 to show how God forges perseverance, character, and hope in real homes like ours.

We break the problem apart by source, because where a trial starts shapes how we respond. When the pressure is spiritual attack, we expose the enemy’s everyday tactics—busyness, unforgiveness, role confusion, starved intimacy—and build a battle plan with the armor of God, truth-filled talk, and practical accountability. When the crisis is self-made, we get honest about calendars, debt, and habits that crowd out connection, then walk through repentance, forgiveness, and sustainable resets that honor covenant over convenience. If what you’re feeling is pruning, we name the idols that keep love from growing and lean into the Gardener’s careful cut so the fruit of the Spirit has room to flourish. And when obedience brings pushback, we learn to rejoice under the cost of righteousness, trusting that tested faith is precious and powerful.

Along the way, we share our own missteps and mercies—from near-ultimatums to bedrest seasons—to keep the conversation grounded and hopeful. You’ll leave with clear action steps for each kind of trial: how to detect warfare without blaming everything on Satan, how to own consequences without drowning in shame, how to welcome pruning without numbing out, and how to endure persecution with joy. If your marriage is weary, you are not alone, and you are not powerless. God has already won the war, and He invites you to stand together, suit up, and walk toward abundance.

If this encouraged you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs hope today, and leave a review to help more couples find biblical help. Then tell us: which source best explains your current trial, and what step will you take next?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers. Our mission is to help couples develop biblically healthy marriages through the application of God's Word and a deeper relationship with Him. We desire to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and closer to the heart of God's design for your marriage. Now here's David and Tracy with today's broadcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

We are David and Tracy Sellers.

Personal Stories Of Testing

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And like you, we've made vows to keep. What's the biggest trial that has ever come to your marriage? The biggest test of your relationship. The biggest test of your faith in Christ. What's popping into your head right now?

SPEAKER_01 0:40

For me, it would be either when David had a serious accident or maybe the collective 30 weeks that I spent on bed rest when I was pregnant with our kiddos. Those were physical trials, but they stretched our marriage in more ways than just the obvious.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Or that night very early on in our marriage when we had this terrible fight about our house. Do you remember this? And you were like, listen, you can find me at the local hotel.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Ooh, yes, I have been known to say that.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Well, that was a test that we passed. Thankfully, she didn't leave. She never has left.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

True.

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These are the kind of trials that we're going to be talking about today.

Biblical Hope In Suffering

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And I don't have to go into a big long list of common trials that have been either short or maybe even long seasons in your marriage. Trials are a dime a dozen, and they're to be expected, though we don't really even want to say that out loud. But Jesus said, in this world, you're going to have sorrows, you're going to have tribulation. Take heart, I have overcome the world.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

We get the crisis calls from couples, the ones that are staring trials square in the face, and they feel the burn of those consequences. We sit across the table from others who've never actually really been in the fire, but they can feel the smoldering ashes, and it's getting hot enough to disrupt their lives.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Now I'm going to say something that might cause you to bristle when you hear it, but hear me out before you turn off the broadcast, okay? I hope that you have experienced trial in your marriage.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Oh, careful. No, no.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

It's not that I would wish bad on you, absolutely not. But I know that it's in the problems that we see Christ. It's in the trouble between David and I that we develop spiritual muscles for the next inevitable problem. Romans 5 4 talks about how suffering produces perseverance. Well, we need perseverance for our marriage to keep going. And perseverance produces character. I need my character to be shaped like Christ. And guess what character produces? Hope. All things that we so desperately need.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Psalm 66.10 says, For you, O God, have tested us. You've tried us as silver is tried. But so often I think I miss the connection between my dreams for my marriage and how God might work to make my marriage something that could glorify Him. I want the beautiful life, I want the shiny marriage, the extraordinary experiences, but I miss this fact. God uses those fiery furnace moments, those trials, the testing to change us, to draw out the imperfections and skim them off the top.

Why Trials Can Be Good

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But their trial had a purpose, and so it is yours. The Psalm goes on to say, You brought us into the net. You laid a crushing burden on our backs. You let men ride over our heads. We went through fire and water. Yet I love this line here. You have brought us out to a place of abundance. We know that you're not naive to problems that can test your relationship. A day doesn't seem to even go by that doesn't have some sort of blip on the radar of issues. And if we're going to get personal, I'll tell you about mine today. It was feeling overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities that are on my shoulders. I didn't feel adequate to complete them. It felt like a trial. I felt like a failure before I'd even gotten out of bed. No matter how trivial your trial may seem to someone else, it feels big in the moment. Today my emotions felt big. They wanted to shut down and I wanted to just isolate and give up. I was having trouble putting into practice those verses that I often quote to you, David.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Like, cast all your cares on the Lord because he cares for you. I know that verse well because you remind me of it. Be anxious for nothing. Instead, bring your requests before the Lord, and he will give you peace that passes all understanding. So easy to say, so hard to do. God has put Tracy and I in a place where our time is in pretty high demand. In your current trial, it's not by accident that God put you next to your spouse in your marriage. You get to be, I get to be the one who gets to walk through it with her. That's the way God designed it. Yeah, I don't know if we always treat it that way. You've got your issues. Let me know when you've got them resolved. How many times have we done that? Trials do affect both of us. When you're one before God, one in marriage, whatever happens to one of you happens to both of you. And how beautiful it is that it is that way, that we are not set to go it alone.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

But I have to say, part of me thinks it'd be even better, wouldn't it, if I never had any trials. Sometimes I think my whole life is lived with them in the parameters of looking for comfort. I make moment-by-moment decisions based on the sole factor of my comfort level. And I don't just mean like when I go change from shorts to jeans just because I'm cold. That's an easy fix. That's not what I'm talking about. I mean when there's something I need to talk with David about and I let the issue just lay there between us for weeks on end because I know it's not going to be an easy conversation. I mean getting up two hours before my body says it's ready so I can serve my family better, so I can serve God better. I seek to be comfortable. I avoid problems. We shun any kind of burden that's been hoisted onto our backs, and we look for how to ditch the trial. ASAP. Affliction just does not fit into our picture of a great life.

Comfort Seeking Versus Growth

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Basically, I and I think most of us react to any kind of a trial in the same way. Get it away from me. Quick. I don't want to have to deal with this. But could God have a different purpose in it other than me running the other direction? As we look at the fact that not all trials come from the same place, I think the answer is yes. You can bet that nothing you're going through is without purpose in God's greater plan for you. So today on Vows Keep Radio, we're gonna be looking closely at this question. Where is my trial coming from? How we let it affect us, how we move forward in the midst of it, has everything to do with where it starts at.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Let me give you an example. Have you ever said on a particularly bad day, I am being attacked by Satan? I definitely have. If lies are assaulting your mind, then yes, that's definitely a possibility. Just because we cannot see the spiritual realm doesn't mean it's not there. The Bible talks about this in a lot of different places, one of them being Ephesians 6, where it tells us that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood. The enemy has a strategy against us. He's looking for someone to devour. That's from 1 Peter 5. And the thing is, he knows our weaknesses, he knows where we tend to trip in our spiritual walk. And even though he can't steal our salvation, he's gonna try and use your weak points to devour you and to derail your marriage. You gotta keep this in mind that his ultimate goal is to disable your marriage testimony so that you're not effective for God.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Sadly, I think it is easy to think, though, that all of the trials, all of the tribulations that come into our lives and into our marriages are from Satan. Sometimes, though, I think we give him way too much credit. What are we suffering through right now in our marriage? And is it possible that it actually might be coming from us? You or I could be the source of the problem. That's right. I think it's true. The sin I choose to commit and keep committing could be at the root of the trouble that's between us. That's the second source we're going to talk about today.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

We're also gonna look at a third possible source of your trial, and it's what Jesus talks about in John 15, where he says, I am the true great vine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and here's the main point he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Pruning is not always fun, that's for sure. The fourth category is the tests, the trials, the persecutions that come so that we can share in Christ's suffering. We are his children, and because of that, we're to be striving to have a godly marriage that reflects our creator. We're going to face some trials, though, that are going to come from another source, and that is suffering for being a Christian. Don't miss this. The trials that come through persecution will do what every single one of these other root sources of trials would do if we let them. They can grow us, they can shape us into the image of our Heavenly Father.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

In my life, I don't always let trials do what they are intended to do. Maybe it's because we don't get why these things are happening. We feel like a victim rather than responding to these trials in a way that would glorify God and grow us up in Christ. Let's talk about the now what.

Four Sources Of Trials

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Let's circle back to the first one. When we see that our enemy is actively at work, we know we are engaged in a spiritual battle. Well, let's be fair. There are actually two extremes in this. Either there's no one looking at Satan's tricks anymore because it's just not popular in our culture to consider the biblical warnings. Or the other side is we're blaming everything, all of our problems on Satan. Spiritual battles come up quick. You've got to keep checking those blind spots, just like you would in your car, being aware of ways that Satan's getting a foothold into your marriage. Because he's gonna use things like busyness and unforgiveness, a reversal of our God-given roles, or really high unmet expectations. Just make sure that he can't use you to derail your spouse. Because Satan's gonna keep on trying. We aren't gearing up for a day-long battle here. We've got to suit up for a lifelong battle. Because where your marriage fails, Satan succeeds in telling a lie about your creator's love and even God's mere existence.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Practically it can look like this Satan trying to convince you that if you forgive your husband, it's only gonna give him license to continue in his sin, and it will keep hurting you. He'll plant lies in your mind that your wife doesn't really care about you, she doesn't admire you, and then he'll send someone your way at work that pays you a compliment that strokes your ego.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

And if you think this could never happen to you, listen to this. Satan convinced Judas pretty good. He was looking for a chance to turn Jesus over. In our marriages where things have been bad for a while, and we're just looking for an excuse to leave, to stick the fork in this thing, to say, I'm done. Guess what? Satan will give you just that opportunity. Judas was used by Satan, and we can be too. And we're not even dealing with someone who is perfect like Judas was. Our spouse is full of all kinds of flaws and mistakes. So the opportunity comes when their mistake is staring us square in the face. Betrayal is easily in your grasp at that point, but at the same time provide a benefit for yourself. Freedom. It's all about a lie, but it's a lie that gets believed every day across America.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

If you have a marriage question, please email questions at vows2keep.com. Vows2Keep will respond to you via email and perhaps use it on the air. Now let's rejoin Vows2Keep Radio with David and Tracy Sellers.

Recognizing Spiritual Attack

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A lot of us aren't going to physically leave our spouses, but we can get so mired down in the trials of our marriage, trials of discouragement, that Satan actually still wins. We count his power as more capable than God's. Are you there right now? It's not a comfortable thought to know that we are engaged in this invisible battle, but it is great news to know that God has already won the war. That doesn't mean, though, that we can sit on the sidelines and just watch the action, because Ephesians 6 urges us to put on the full armor of God so that we'll be able to withstand the schemes of the devil. It's not so much if the enemy will try to steal, kill, and destroy your marriage. It's the when he's going to try to do it and how we can watch for it, be ready for it, and be strong enough to defend what God created.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Not sure if this is you. Let me talk about one of the real practical ways that Satan attempts this. How many marriages suffer from a lack of intimacy? And I'm not talking about when we're taking time to break for prayer. First Corinthians seven says, Do not deprive one another except perhaps by an agreement for a limited time so you can devote yourselves to prayer. But then come back together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of a lack of self-control. We don't do this. And guess what? Right then and there is when and how Satan does attack. The trial is created by a lack of self-control being leveraged by Satan. The trial for a man would be consistently denying those thoughts of lust, of self-gratification, things that are legitimate struggles, and many men fail. And Satan works very aggressively to make this a point of failure. If you are in a spiritual battle, you don't go it alone. You've got God, you've got your spouse, but be comforted by this that you can also have an action plan. Number one, make sure it's an attack from the enemy. Don't acknowledge Satan's power when he had nothing to do with it. And if the source of your trial is your own sin, and we're gonna talk about that more in a minute, deal with that sin. Deal with that sin and take it to the Lord. Don't go try to talk it out with your enemy who offers no answers and only further problems.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Watch for how he will try to engage with you. Check those blind spots often. And this next one is probably one of the biggest ones.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Accountability. And that's something inside your marriage that is such a great protection. These are things to be talking with your spouse about. To actually ask yourselves, are we doing what God's word says we should be doing? Are we battle ready? Are we arming ourselves with that truth? Are we fighting on our knees together? Respond with truth. Respond with God's word. That's exactly what Jesus does when Satan goes out to try to tempt him in the desert. Jesus uses scripture in response every single time.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Now there's a different kind of action plan when we recognize that the trial we're in is actually a direct result or a consequence of a choice that we have made. And this could either be a sinful choice or maybe not so obviously sinful one. Let me give an example that's pretty widespread in our culture. We just had a conversation with a couple this last week. When I asked them how they were doing in their marriage, this is how they responded. Well, this certain sports season just opened up. Like that explains what's going on in their relationship. But after I thought about it, it does explain it. They were basically saying we're running in ten directions all week long because of choices that we've made. And we think they're good choices because we want to give our kids this opportunity, this experience. So our marriage, it's gonna suffer as a result. We don't like it, but the kids' happiness is our priority right now.

Tactics Of The Enemy In Marriage

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It's a similar story when we've overextended ourselves financially. We end up working long hours, a second job, or both of us working full-time to support this lifestyle. Or maybe how my preference for my hobby, how I'm gonna spend my time, how I'm gonna spend my energy, causes this constant tug of war between us. Let me put it this way when I speed in my car, I can expect to get a ticket. When the flashing lights are pulling me over, that's not the moment to start praying that I can talk my way out of this one. In my sin, whether it's getting my priorities out of order or letting the lust of the flesh or the lust of the eyes rule me, I can expect that God will discipline me. It's not to make me pay for my sin because Jesus already did that. But that doesn't take away the consequences that he allows. The discipline teaches me to be more like him. God is treating us as sons and daughters, we find in his word. He's playing out his role as our heavenly father, shaping us and molding us for a future purpose.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

One of the extreme stories that we can see about this in the Bible is David having an affair with Bathsheba, going and killing Bathsheba's husband, Uriah, and then the child that came from that union dying. There is a progression to sin. James 1 says each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire, when it's conceived, gives birth to sin. We can see that progression so easily in David's life. And sin when it's fully grown brings forth death.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Well, since my name is David, I think that applies to me as well. Maybe for me, if my screen time exceeds my face time with my wife, that's gonna be problems.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

If the image that I try to portray is more for me or the people at work than for the person I'm married to, yeah, problems are gonna be birth.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Galatians 6, verses 7 and 8, and I'm gonna be reading out of the message version, says this don't be misled. No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others, ignoring God, harvests a crop of weeds. But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of eternal life. His word, his ways will always stand. His forgiveness is always there for the asking. But you can't charm your way out of his discipline.

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Your action plan, if your trial is from your sin, is to first admit that it's from your sin before the Lord. Get right before him and say, God, I have sinned against your word. And we know from God's word that he will always hear that prayer. You can always come to him and he will give you his forgiveness freely. And then go to the person, maybe your spouse, even, that you have sinned against in that sin as well. Ask for their forgiveness and move forward today. It is possible there's so much hope in the cross of Jesus Christ. God's discipline of us as his legitimate children is very tied to the third source of our trials. As we grow in God, he's gonna prune us. He desires us to bear fruit for his kingdom. I bet right now, if I asked you, hey, what's the fruit of the spirit? You could probably name a couple or maybe even all of them: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. And as we seek to be more Christ-like, you're gonna see that you could grow maybe in the area of patience, or I'm really lacking joy right now. And you'll find yourself praying prayers that say, God, help me with my patience. And he will. He'll give you that refiner's fire to draw out of you what isn't of him so you can bear more fruit. Don't hide from his pruning. Don't isolate yourself so you stay in a comfortable spot away from the shears.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

And if you're not sure that what you're experiencing in your marriage is actually pruning, let's ask a couple of questions. What are you anxious about? About in your marriage. Too often we're focused on what we see lacking in his provision. So our life's service becomes serving ourselves with houses, jobs, cars. God has a way of pruning our lives of the things that become self-made idols.

Action Plan For Spiritual Battles

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So what's an area of heartburn? What feels like an insurmountable problem? Well, there's a good chance those are the areas that the Lord wants to stretch you in, prune you in. Even though it may be uncomfortable, in those trials he's got a plan. He is less interested in changing your circumstances as he is in changing your heart. And you might be trying to skirt around the issue, and he might want to take you right through it, even if it seems impossible. So here's your action plan. If God is pruning you to make you more effective in his kingdom, rejoice and draw closer to him than ever before.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

And finally, as we wrap up that fourth category, as you say no to sin and you say yes to God, there are a couple of ways that you're gonna experience some trials. First of all, it's uncomfortable to say no to our own desires. Our flesh is killed when we obey God's word, and that feels pretty rough. It feels uncomfortable. My emotions are in a trial because it's a war between what God has asked of me and what I want.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

And one of the scariest prayers to our flesh anyway is to pray, Lord, have your way, your will be done. That is so easy to sing on a Sunday morning surrounded by other Christians. It is hard to repeat, though, when it's already been a day and it's not even nine in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Secondly, you're gonna receive some retaliation from the world. Some trials are persecutions that we share in Christ's suffering. It's the cost of being a Christian, and I think it's going up. Jesus says in Matthew 10 22 that we would be hated because of him. What Jesus stands against is the very sin that we believe feels so good. It's a lie. It won't. Most people, sadly though, aren't living a righteous enough life to be persecuted. Does your work as a Christian cost you something? Do you rejoice in that? What about in your marriage? Where is being Christ-like causing you to suffer? Unless your spouse is sinless, which of course they aren't, you should be able to actually see a cost. A cost to lay down your life for another. A cost of setting aside what's important to you to honor your spouse. The cost of confronting your spouse about a specific sin. Even suffering from holding back your own wrath, knowing you're not your spouse's judge. Letting go of your pride, that's a big one. That hurts. Swallowing your anger and giving undeserved grace. Sharing truth when the situation is tense and truth is essential, even though it's unpopular. Going without a convenience in life when God has challenged you to give generously, knowing that Jesus suffered to the point of death, and even before that, he had nowhere to lay his head.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

If you're suffering for being a Christian, here's your action plan. Praise God. We see this all over God's word. I'm going to read you 1 Peter chapter 1, just two verses. So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold, though your faith is far more precious than mere gold, God's word says. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. As we finish up, take account of your trials, the ones that are only in your head, and the ones that are really more visible around you. I want you to this week pray about where they are actually coming from so that you can take action accordingly. I love what Oswald Chambers says. The saint knows the joy of the Lord, not in spite of tribulation, but because of it.

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Vows to Keep is supported by a team which includes biblical coaches, writers, and pastoral advisors. If you have a desire to serve marriages in your community, we would love to hear from you. Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry designed to bring God's encouraging truth to the marriages of our area. As a not-for-profit organization, our commitment to Christ-like marriages includes providing much-needed services regardless of a couple's financial ability to offset the cost of Vows to Keep operations. If you are unable to donate your time or abilities but would like to help support Vows2Keep financially, visit vows2keep.com and click on the donate link. This program is sponsored by Vows2Keep of Zanesfield, Ohio.