In Protecting Our Own, we delve into one of the most famous (or infamous, depending on how you view it) passages in all of Scripture - Ephesians 5:22 - 33. Paul's directive to Christian wives to submit to their husbands, and to Christian husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. It’s both famous and sadly, infamous, because of the misunderstanding surrounding it. For some, it’s a mandatory reading at their wedding, for others, it’s a “you better not dare read it or quote it to me” passage. And there are a lot of articles, blogs, opinions, and commentary on this Eph. 5 passage. And it can get really confusing reading them all. So we are going to try and sort it out by showing why some have an issue with it, the wrong ways it’s been interpreted, and then looking at it correctly in context – within the context of the original audience, within the context of the whole chapter and the whole letter to the Ephesians, and within the context of other Scripture. And we will pull in some commentary from some very credible and sound Biblical theologians. There is so much to delve into in these verses, we need two episodes to do it! In this first part, we will look at the imperative for Christian wives to submit to their husbands. Join us!
Thanks for tuning in! Be sure to check out everything Proverbs 9:10 on our website, www.proverbs910ministries.com! You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Rumble, YouTube, Twitter, Truth Social, and Gettr!
In Protecting Our Own, we delve into one of the most famous (or infamous, depending on how you view it) passages in all of Scripture - Ephesians 5:22 - 33. Paul's directive to Christian wives to submit to their husbands, and to Christian husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. It’s both famous and sadly, infamous, because of the misunderstanding surrounding it. For some, it’s a mandatory reading at their wedding, for others, it’s a “you better not dare read it or quote it to me” passage. And there are a lot of articles, blogs, opinions, and commentary on this Eph. 5 passage. And it can get really confusing reading them all. So we are going to try and sort it out by showing why some have an issue with it, the wrong ways it’s been interpreted, and then looking at it correctly in context – within the context of the original audience, within the context of the whole chapter and the whole letter to the Ephesians, and within the context of other Scripture. And we will pull in some commentary from some very credible and sound Biblical theologians. There is so much to delve into in these verses, we need two episodes to do it! In this first part, we will look at the imperative for Christian wives to submit to their husbands. Join us!
Thanks for tuning in! Be sure to check out everything Proverbs 9:10 on our website, www.proverbs910ministries.com! You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Rumble, YouTube, Twitter, Truth Social, and Gettr!
Episode 139 - Protecting Our Own
Welcome Back! Chris, we are finishing out Ephesians chapter 5 today which means we are going to delve into one of the most famous (although some might say infamous) passages in Scripture. And that’s Paul’s words on the roles of husbands and wives.
Yeah, and you’re right. It’s both famous and sadly, infamous, because of the misunderstanding surrounding it. For some, it’s a mandatory reading at their wedding, for others, it’s a “you better not dare read it or quote it to me” passage. And there are a lot of articles, blogs, opinions, and commentary on this Eph. 5 passage. And it can get really confusing reading them all. So we are going to try and sort it out by showing why some have an issue with it, the wrong ways it’s been interpreted, and then looking at it correctly in context – within the context of the original audience, within the context of the whole chapter and the whole letter to the Ephesians, and within the context of other Scripture. And we will pull in some commentary from some very credible and sound Biblical theologians. And all of that is a lot of work, but that is the only way you can be sure you are interpreting a passage correctly. In fact, we are going to take 2 episodes on these 11 verses.
Let’s start by reading the text as a whole. Eph. 5:22 – 33, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Some of you may recall that we have talked about marital relationships and the role of especially women in other episodes. So we may repeat a few things we have said previously, but there is so much in this little section to expand on. As we know, this letter is addressed to all believers in the church of Ephesus. However, in this section in chapter 5, Paul zeros in with two personal messages. The first meant only for Christian wives, the second only for Christian husbands. And that is something that is often misunderstood. Let’s start with the women’s section. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
Why do so many people, especially women, hate this passage? There is no doubt that what God is asking of wives in this passage isn’t easy, but neither is what He is asking of husbands or any of the things Paul mentions in this letter. The truth is that those who vehemently oppose Paul’s words here, probably don’t understand them.
And the misunderstanding can be coming from either misinterpreting what Paul is saying and / or having our view of the role of wives and husbands and the marital relationship poisoned by what the world tells us and also by how this has actually played out historically. And if you think commentary on this passage is confusing, try searching for faith-based or secular commentary on the roles of men and women in marriage or researching the history of how wives and husbands have been treated by their spouses and by society! Some of the stuff is horrifying, some expected, some nonsensical, and some is downright stupid.
Why don’t we start with how history has contributed to the distortion of what Paul is saying to wives here. And it’s the wife portion that we are going to concentrate on this week. Next week will be the husband’s turn. I don’t think anyone would or could argue that women have been mistreated in the past, and sadly, still are in some countries today because of sinful men who think they are entitled to total dominance over women. This was a problem even in Biblical times, even amongst those who belonged to God. Men taking more than one wife, men considering their wives as property to do with and treat however they wanted. If you recall the story of Sodom, Lot was willing to send his two virgin daughters out to be abused by a mob of all of the men of Sodom who were looking to rape the 2 male guests staying in his house. The two guests were actually angels, but the mob nor Lot knew that at the time. This narrative is similar to another horrific story of how a Levite in the book of Judges sent his concubine out to be gang raped and abused all night by a crazy mob of the tribe of Benjamin. So these men were a part of the Israelites, yet they still acted so wickedly. When the Levite found her beaten and dead the next morning, he threw her on the back of his donkey and when he got home, he coldly cut her dead body up into pieces and sent them to the other Israelite tribes.
And as we said, polygamy was widely accepted and practiced throughout the Old Testament. In fact, the number of wives a man had was directly linked to his social status and wealth. Solomon was the richest king ever. Part of his wealth was that he had 1,000 wives. And we need to say that having multiple wives was never God’s plan despite what some will say. Mormon’s who still practice polygamy will cite Jacob, David, Solomon, and others to show that it was. But God specifically said NOT to take more than one wife. In Deut. 17:17, God says, “And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away.” And if you know the stories, multiple wives and concubines caused all of these guys problems – big problems!
All through history, there have been instances and cultures where women were badly treated in a lot of different ways. The most severe has been physical abuse, torture, rape, and even being put to death for offenses like wearing pants or talking back to a man. Even today, this treatment is still ongoing in some places. A recent article from Open Doors USA shows account after account of women being beaten, raped, tortured, and even killed. Most are at the hands of Islamic extremists. Here’s one account. “Rita, a Christian woman from the Iraqi town of Qaraqosh, was 26 when Islamic State militants invaded her town and took her captive. She was sold and bought four times as a sex slave before she was freed in 2017 and reunited with her father last April—almost four years since she was taken captive, four years after beatings, rape, mockery, intimidation, isolation.. the list goes on. Islamic State militants, she says, see women as goods they can buy and sell and torture for disobedience.”
And even in countries that haven’t treated women that horrific, some have devalued women to only being useful for having children and taking care of their husbands. Here’s an excerpt from a Home Economics Book in the 1950’s from the U.S. Home Economics, then, was a course that every girl in high school was required to take. Here’s the excerpt, “Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Prepare the children to play the part of little treasures by washing their faces and combing their hair and minimizing all the noise - including the vacuum, dishwasher and washer. Make your husband comfortable by having him lean back in a comfortable chair and having a cool or warm drink ready for him. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax – unwind.”
Here's what a website called Theconversation.com says about the gender roles that still plague marriages – and especially women today. “As a daughter, a woman is traditionally responsible for taking care of her parents. As a wife, she is expected to serve her husband, preparing food, clothing and other personal needs. As a mother, she has to take care of the children and their needs, including education. As a worker, she has to be professional, disciplined and a good employee. And as a member of society, she is expected to participate in community activities and volunteer work, both within her community and through social organizations. By contrast, men have traditionally had just one role, as the family’s breadwinner, and little obligation to be socially active within their community.”
Okay so those are all examples of how women have been treated badly or undervalued. These are also examples of what this passage in Ephesians DOES NOT mean. So let’s start looking at what Paul’s message to Christian wives does mean. And, again, just a reminder, Paul is speaking to just Christian wives – not all Christian women and not Christian husbands or Christian men in general. Let’s start by putting these verses into context. First with other Scripture. God has championed women from the beginning of creation. God says that both men and women are created in His image. There’s an incident during Moses’ time that showed how God felt about women. It had to do with land inheritance. Land passed down through the males of the family to keep it in the family. Since women usually left her family to live with the husband, they did not inherit land. But a situation came up in Moses’ time when a man named Zelophehad died, and he only had daughters. The Israelites were going to take his land and give it to another male relative, but God intervened and told Moses to give the land to the girls – it was rightfully theirs.
And this is just one example. God has always looked out for women. God set the amount that women were to give for themselves less than what men were to give. Lev. 27: 2 – 4 says, “If anyone makes a special vow to dedicate someone to the Lord by paying the value of that person, here is the scale of values to be used. A man between the ages of twenty and sixty is valued at fifty shekels of silver, as measured by the sanctuary shekel. A woman of that age is valued at thirty shekels of silver.” This wasn’t God being sexist, this was God recognizing that some women might be widows or on their own financially and He was helping them. Could also be that knowing some men’s hearts, God was not giving them a reason for them to think that their wives or daughters weren’t worth what they had to give for them.
And Jesus continued championing women in the New Testament. Luke highlights Mary and Elizabeth in Jesus’ birth narratives. Luke even presents Mary’s lineage. Jesus had women disciples who followed Him, learned from Him, and even help support Him and the Apostles. Jesus specifically says that Mary (not His mother) chose the right thing by sitting at His feet and learning from Him. Scripture highlights that these women were faithful to Christ, present at the crucifixion, and even braved going to His grave to anoint His body. Hence, they are the first to see Jesus after the resurrection. And that’s another way Jesus lifted women up. That was huge that He first appeared to women. Not at all what someone making this story up would have had happen – it would be too unbelievable.
Paul also lifted women up. 1 Tim 2:11 is an often misunderstood passage. It says, “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.” We don’t have time to go into all that this text is saying, but the big point for our discussion is that Paul is exhorting women to learn, and he’s telling men to let them! This was huge. Women were not thought worth the time to teach to read and write and study Scripture. Jesus and Paul toss that belief right out of the window. Paul also extols, Phoebe, a woman, whom he tells the church in Rome in Romans 16:1 – 2, “I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church at Cenchreae, that you may welcome her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints, and help her in whatever she may need from you, for she has been a patron of many and of myself as well.”
Two verses later, Paul sends greetings to Priscilla and Aquila, a husband and wife team that both corrected disciple, Apollos on his theology. Paul says this about them, “Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well.” Priscilla is mentioned first 4 out of the 6 times the couple is talked about. This is likely because she is the one who was most learned about theology. In Gal. 3:28, Paul says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” This is another misinterpreted verse. People use it to try and prove egalitarianism is Biblical. Egalitarianism is the belief that men and women are interchangeable, and you will see Christians using this Galatians verse as their argument for it. This is true especially in church roles like Pastor or elder. But that’s not what Paul is saying. He is saying that men and women are of equal worth in God’s eyes. More on this verse later.
So why are we telling you all this? This is part of putting these verses in Eph. 5 into proper context. Paul, Peter, Luke, John, and most importantly God (and specifically Jesus in the New Testament) uphold women. They respect them and honor them and consider them as important in the family of God as men. When we approach these Eph. 5 verses knowing this, it should preset our mind when we go to interpret them that these verses aren’t demeaning to women because that would not line up with the rest of Scripture. Scripture interprets Scripture. It does not ever contradict itself.
How about in the context of this chapter and the whole letter of Ephesians? We know this is repeating ourselves, but Paul spent the first 3 chapters giving us indicatives – who we are in Christ because of what Jesus has done for us. We are in the imperative section – how we should live in light of who we are. In Eph 4:2 -3, Paul urges us “to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.”Last week, we looked at the beginning of this chapter where Paul gave us specifics of how to “walk in love,” and “walk in light.” He tells us not to be sexually immoral, impure or covetous, use filthy language, tell crude jokes, teach lies, be taken in by deception, not to be taken in by darkess. What we are to do is imitate Jesus, walk in the light, and walk in love. It is right on the heals of this, that Paul gives us this message to wives and husbands.
So wives are to submit to their own husbands because the husband is the head of the wife just as Jesus is the head of the church, his body. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Okay first thing to notice, like we said, is that is only meant for Christian wives. Just the fact that Paul is addressing women specifically is uplifting to them. Paul is showing they are valued enough and intelligent enough to be challenged directly. They don’t need their husbands or any man to stand in the gap for them between them and Jesus.
Notice that Paul’s imperative is that Christian wives are to submit to “their own husbands.” This isn’t the only time this language is used. Paul uses it again in Col. 3:18, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” And in 1 Cor 11:3, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Peter, likewise, says in 1 Peter 3:1, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” So Paul’s imperative for Christian wives is that they are to submit to their own husbands. It doesn’t say women are to submit to all men. And this has been grossly taken out of context by many, even within Christianity and even within Reformed circles. Sad to say, there are still men (and women) even in Reformed Denominations who think men are to be dominant over women. Even to the point that a woman is not allowed to teach in any classroom other than the nursery and wives must ask their husband’s permission to speak. And they often also wrongly extend it from Christian wives being submissive to their own husbands to women being submissive to all men in the culture – no women judges, no women political leaders, etc. John Piper and Wayne Grudem get this horribly wrong in their book “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.”
Thankfully, these are the minority. And we need to say that both Piper and Grudem have signed what’s called the Danver’s Statement released in 1988 which we will talk about in the next episode. The Danver’s statement recognizes that women should be submissive only to their own husbands and church leadership. In fact, a revised edition of that book you mentioned Chris was released in which John Piper said they revised their contribution to the book, as well as everyone else’s contribution to adhere to the Danver Statement. Most Biblical Pastors, teachers, and Christians understand this passage as Paul meant it. Okay, so what does it mean? Here is an interesting study I found. Wives were interviewed – and I confess that I don’t know who the pool of women were. Not sure if they were Christian or not. But the conclusion of the survey was that there were 5 types of leadership every wife wanted and needed from her husband. Loving Leadership, Decisive leadership, Servant leadership, Moral leadership, and Spiritual leadership. And that is exactly the kind of leadership God calls Christian husbands to – but we will get to men in a moment.
God’s original design for marriage at creation was perfect. He even called it “very good.” Marriage was patterned after the loving relationship between the Trinity. All loving, equal, but have different functions. And that’s an important point. All 3 Persons of the Trinity are God. All 3 are sovereign. All 3 are holy. All 3 have exactly the same attributes and all are equally God, but they don’t all have the same function. The Father is never Jesus, Jesus is never the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is never the Father. All 3 were or are present and take part in creation, redemption, salvation, sanctification, judgement, everything having to do with how God relates to believers and unbelievers. But even being equal, they willingly put themselves under the authority of the other. Jesus willingly put Himself under the authority of the Father and the Holy Spirit willingly put Himself under the authority of Jesus and the Father. We’ve said in other episodes, but it bears repeating: this was not eternal submission/subordination between the trinity – it’s willing submission of a co-equal, at times for various reasons. And it’s important to understanding that in the context of wives submitting to husbands, because that’s where many, including Piper and Grudem, try to theologically uphold their wrong viewpoints about submission from.
Marriage was meant to be a picture of the Trinity with husbands, wives, men, women, and the church all putting themselves under the authority of Jesus. For the Christian wife, she is to put herself under the authority of her own husband, also. We all have our roles and functions. And God designed it that Husbands were to lead their wives and men were to lead the church. It’s not a commentary on how God feels about women, its just how He designed it. “Submit” in the original Greek means to voluntarily place oneself under a recognized authority. It’s voluntary. Voluntary submission is shown throughout Scripture. Wife to husband, children to parents, believers to elders, citizens to their government, employees to employers, which is illustrated as slaves to masters. Every believer is called to willingly submit to one another.
Wives are called to willingly and lovingly submit to their husbands. Now the reason this doesn’t always work out as planned or has been tainted and abused throughout history has two causes. First, because the perfect marital relationship has been tainted by the fall. One of the curses God put on women was that she would have a desire to lead but her husband would rule over her. God’s design for marriage was always that the husband would lead, but before the fall, Adam was a good and godly leader and Eve happily submitted to him. However, after the fall, women were given the desire to want to be the leader and usurp the authority of their husbands while men became more domineering over their wives. This does play out the opposite way of men sitting back and letting their wives lead which is just as sinful. But again, more on that when we get to the men.
Wives are told to submit to their husbands “as is fitting in the Lord.” This is very important. This imperative is not a blanket directive that wives are to shut up and do what they’re told – not by any means. Instead, these 6 words put limitations on a wife’s submission. Unlike the Trinity, men are sinful, so God has put boundaries on a husband’s authority over his wife. It also shows that a Christian wife’s (and every Christian’s) first obligation is to submit to Christ, and that submission should overflow into marriage. However, submission never applies to anything that would violate your conscience or goes against Scripture.
So what isn’t submission. First and foremost, submission doesn’t mean allowing abuse in a relationship. As Pastor Miles from Redemption Spokane church says, “Abuse in a Christian marriage is an assault on the Gospel because marriage is a picture of Jesus and the church.” So never are women called to submit in any way to being abused nor to submitting to have her children abused. Submission also does not mean agreeing on everything. Rose, you and I certainly have not agreed with everything our husbands have said, I can’t imagine any wife that agrees 100% of the time with her husband. And this is something we talked about in a previous episode. It’s fine to disagree. When you do, though, just talk it out with your husband in a respectful way – and that goes for both of you.
And that leads into another thing submission isn’t. Submission does not mean that you don’t try and influence your husband for the better. I have had many discussions where my husband and I have disagreed and he came around to seeing that I was right. (Certainly has gone the other way plenty of times, too). But as a wife, you are the single biggest influence in your husband’s life, because you are the closest person to him and you know him better than anyone else does. We are called to use that influence for good. This is where men and women being wired differently and having different functions really pays off. Now this is not a blanket statement about all men and all women, but men tend to see things in black and white – practically, analytically; where women tend to see things in grays – emotionally. So there are times when a wife’s perspective on a situation will help her husband see it differently.
In fact, a wife’s influence is so great that Peter says in 1Peter 3:1 – 2, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” And as Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife find a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” So wives influencing their husbands is a good thing. So long as it is influencing and not manipulating. And that’s an important distinction. Influencing your husband is to help him see things for the better. Manipulation is to get him to give you your own way.
Submission also does not mean wives are to be servants. To quote Pastor Miles again, a wife is to serve their husbands, but she is not his servant. Believers are only servants of Christ. The definition of “serve” is to give a helping hand, perform certain duties for, be of service to, or to benefit. The definition of “servant” is a personal attendant or devoted follower or supporter. We are to help, benefit, and be of service to our husbands; maybe even perform certain duties for him. But the only one we should be a devoted follower of – meaning following no matter what – is Jesus.
And as many who correctly interpret this passage reiterate, Paul is talking to the Christian wives. The imperatives given to her are between her and God. Husbands are never to think they should throw these verses in their wife’s face. As Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones said, “That means you shouldn’t ever quote this at your wife. It is hers to obey, not yours to demand. If she is not doing it at all, all you can do is to be the kind of husband and leader it would be a joy to submit to. You play your role, and trust God with hers.
We will end with this. Our husbands are not the only people Christian wives are to influence. As we mature in our faith and gain wisdom about marriage and family, we are to pass that wisdom and experience down to younger generations of women, teaching them to be godly women. As Paul directs in Titus 2:3 -5, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” There is nothing shameful, demeaning, or degrading about being a godly Christian wife. When both our husbands and we are living out our roles in the way God intended, marriage is truly a beautiful and joyous thing that reflects the Trinity of God.
Amen to that. Be sure to join us next week when we finish out Ephesians chapter 5 with Paul’s imperatives to Christian husbands. Have a blessed day everyone.