293 - Intentional Communication and Connection on Social Media

If you're a teacher or business owner and showing up on social media, this one's for you. 

It can be really hard to create content and share ourselves on social media when cancellation is a real threat. How do we show up authentically? When we make stuff, who are we speaking to, and why? What are our responsibilities to ourselves and others? 

We explore these questions, and more. 

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Connect with Bonnie: Instagram, Email (hello@bonnieweeks.com), Website
Listen to Bonnie's other podcast Sexy Sunday HERE

The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (00:00.718)
Hello, my party peeps. We are back and we are going to be talking about social media today, particularly about making contact and content and about running a business and teaching and how they are not the same things. So stay tuned if that is for you. However you're landing today, exhale time.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (00:33.262)
I've been on social media for over 11 years now and it has changed my life. It's one of those things that, you know, you never really know what's gonna lead somewhere. And we can all look back and say, ooh, I really, that thing sucked that it happened, but it's what led me to this other thing. So actually I'm grateful for that thing, right? And we can have hindsight like that.

And there are some things that, you know, it's like a door closing. So then it opens something else, cause you literally can't make a new decision or have a new opportunity if there's not space for it. True story. Some of those experiences are really painful, right? And then.

There's things that just, you don't expect, right? That just land in your lap. And to me, Instagram was one of those where I had the space and time because my kids were little and my youngest was three and now he's 14. And I was moming.

I, you know, growing up Mormon, I was like, I'm gonna be a mom. I also wanted to either be a school teacher or a kind of like an obstetrician and deliver babies. I was like, it's gonna be one of those things. I would really love to do those things too. I mean, this weird mashup of like body plus like teaching in my current life, which is fantastic. But I always was, it felt like I knew I was gonna be a mom. And so I was deep in mom land.

and taking care of my little kids and love them. It's like so much a part of my identity. I know this. And as I am looking at my youngest being a freshman in high school and how at this point in four years, and four years is gonna go so fast, right? In three and a half years, he's gonna graduate high school. So in four years, all of my kids will not be here. There'll be no more kids switching between their dad's house and my house. gonna be like doing their things. And my identity.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (02:44.142)
I'm gonna have a new reclamation of who the hell am I and how do I like live in my, in like the timeline of things that I know like, you know, I keep showing up, I go to visit my college kid currently, but it's different, right? So I was a young mom and I was married at the time, I was Mormon at the time.

And I found then I landed in Instagram land and found the yoga community and loved it. Thought I was going to make a food blog and I called it carrot bowl. So I call myself carrot bowl Bonnie, like after my food blog, but it quickly became not a food blog. And I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it. I actually went to a food blogger conference that a friend hosted here in Portland. It was a fantastic, amazing people. Still connected to some of those people.

But even when I was there, was like, yeah, like I have my blog, but I'm not sure if it's going be that or if it's going to be some movement things. Cause I was already coaching people like strength training coaching. And so I found yoga and the yoga community. And then I started practicing yoga and I just knew I was going to teach. I knew it was going to be part of what I did. Strength is important. Yoga is important. And that's like where it was going to land. And I had the space. So I started showing up with people there.

and having conversations. And I've loved watching people who I interacted with then and we were all like baby yoga people and playing with shapes. were like literally it was playing and Instagram was a place of play so much. It's like a place of business and play and art, like politics now. It's like it's like such a mashup of things, ads, all the things, but it was just a place of play then.

And I had space between taking care of kids and things that I could show up there. And I would join yoga challenges, which so many people who are on the ground now don't even know what yoga challenges are. like I joined yoga challenges. That's all I'm gonna say right now. I'm not gonna go into that. And I would comment on so many people's pages or DM people.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (05:06.656)
every day just because it was a community and because I was showing up and I was sharing my practice and it was just a place of accountability and of play, like truly play. And I continue to try to tap into that play even now, even though I also use Instagram for business, even though I'm one of those people and it's all rooted though to me in play and in freedom to move.

And I have people all the time ask me about business things and I do mentorship for people who wanted to like, want to step into starting their own businesses. And one of the, one of the people who I mentored for six months this year, totally quit her job. Excuse me. has quit her job and has stepped full time into her business. And it's super cool to walk with people who know what they want to do or ready to do it.

They just want somebody to walk with them and walk through the process of a business experience. And that's not a teaching experience. So if you are somebody who is interested in building a wellness business, and I'm going to speak specifically to yoga, because wellness means a shit ton of things. That yoga, mindfulness, meditation, retreats, all the things. I don't know all the things. I am learning all the things. So like, let's get that out of the way.

I am not your go-to person for all of the things. I am still learning what the hell this all means too. And I've learned some stuff and there's stuff working. So there's like a really basic framework too that I am really good at helping people get going on. Like just start action, like start somewhere. I'm gonna help you with the spark. Let's light it.

like actually make things happen. But I want to speak specifically to showing up on social media. First of all, it can feel vulnerable and it can feel exposing, right? If your profile is on public, so anybody in the world can see you, there's a part of the experience that the world is like, you have a stage as big as the world and nobody is telling you when to get off.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (07:33.55)
that could feel really terrifying or that could feel really exhilarating because there's nobody to tell you anything about when you should not do the thing or when you should do the thing. So there's not a lot of framework around that. So that could be tricky, but there's also like you could post and be on there 50 times a day. That might not be very sustainable.

Like you could. Like you get to do it like whatever you want. Like truly make whatever you want. You could talk about your cat. You could paint something. You could cook something. You could go on a walk and tell us about the trees. You could talk about your grandma. You could fill up your car with gas. You could share how you don't have a car and you're riding the bus. You could share a story about a stranger.

You could talk about the intensity of a decision that you are making about something that's making you cry right now and something that's making you laugh right now. You could tell us about the thing that you learned from your kid yesterday. You're talking about how you miss your mom because she died last year. That was me. So like you can show up and be you as big as you want.

And I think I go back to Africa Brooke where she says, you know, what happens if you live as if you've already been canceled? Cause we can get really afraid. If people know this about me, will they want to be with me? Will they, will I belong somewhere? And friends, not everybody belongs with me. I don't belong with everybody. So let's have that first here that like, there are people that really don't like me.

I know this. I don't hear them. Like they don't chatter. They don't like take the time to comment on my page. I am so, this is so important for this conversation. I am so intentional with the way that I respond to people, the words I write, how like my tone of voice, because I truly believe that what I put out will look right back at me. So if I'm looking to have some negativity sent my way.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (10:01.568)
And then I can show up in a negative way. I can show up in a way that makes people feel small and hurts feelings and is never my intention for that. Intention and impact are different things, sure. But like I am very purposeful about how I'm saying things, how I am expanding a story, a teaching or whatever.

because I truly believe it will come back to me in that way. So I really don't get a lot of trolls. Like I really don't. There could be differences of opinion on thing. Cool. Like there's so many ways to be right. Like I'm okay with that. I'm really okay with that. And then sometimes people will message me and they like, I have a very small handful of people who have leaned into engaging in conversation.

about something they're frustrated about with what I have shared or who I am as a person. And that doesn't happen very often, but I know that it exists. I know it exists and that's okay. And truly part of, I think, being visible and being seen and putting yourself out there on social media is part of...

And if you're going to build a business, like all these things are going to like have crossovers, like are holding hands. Like if you're going to do that, you have to be willing to pick up seeing yourself first. This is why I love the practice of self study. This is why I love human design and I'm interested in who I am and what my gifts are and what my blind spots are.

and where I'm in my own way and where I keep myself small and where I help other people grow, right? All these things get to exist altogether. And if I don't, if I didn't make this podcast, there's like a billion things that would not have been said and podcast episodes that people go back to over and over and over again that have greatly impacted them that I didn't, I didn't make knowing that it would do that.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (12:23.256)
But I'm here showing up with my voice because really I've been able to then have that language now through my own self study of what the impact my voice can have on people, not for everybody, but it can. And so if you are interested in sharing your voice on social media and it's feeling sticky, there might be an unshaming part of your journey to go on about the stories that you tell about yourself, about your

voice about money, about business, about your gifts, that's probably going to be part of the experience. And it's not something you like bite off and you're like, okay, I'm to do it all. Like it's going to come to you a little bit of a time. You're going to see it, but I just want to let you know, you're going to see it. And people usually tell me straight up if they don't like me. I mean, they either just don't like there's just like crickets and nobody says anything.

or there's some people that are like, nope, this is rubbing me wrong. And then some people are like, okay, this is like, there's something here about, and it's often like about who I am or how I'm showing up. Like it's not always like has specifics, which is fascinating. And so sometimes that's tricky for people and they might stay around because they're like, actually there's something here I have to learn. Or so I've had people say just like a plethora of things. They're like, I think I actually need to be here.

and how you're showing up in the world is like how I would like to show up in the world. And so there's have something to learn here and other people are hard no. And I share this because of my journey in social media and because I'm not going anywhere. This is what I'm doing. This is what I love to be. I love interacting with other people and serving in the ways that I can and helping people.

own the hell out of their voices, which means so many different things on their leadership and leading from a heart centered integrity based place. Like that's so important. So if you are in the place where you're like, I want to bring what I've been teaching and my classes and these things that I have to offer some of my gifts and I want to build a business with it and I want to use Instagram for business.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (14:48.142)
First of all, you don't have to use Instagram. Second of all, it's like a mini blog. It's really can be fantastic, right? And you can walk into it and experiment with it. It's great because there might not be a lot of eyes on it at the beginning. So it's a good time to experiment with things. And I want you to remember that business, running a business is different than running a yoga class. So there are some things that you're going to have to learn and ways you're gonna face yourself that are in new ways. Like you didn't know you're a public speaker.

when you sign up for yoga teacher training probably you didn't know how you were going to have to hold space for people and the many things you're going to have to hold in the room and you kind of learn in like you learn into it. It's the same with business. So I don't want this to this isn't a conversation for all the things business. This is a conversation for social media and using social media for business and I find a lot of people get stuck because they freeze.

They're like, what should I do? What should I post? And I think when I've thought of it, when I really sit with it, I think it's because it feels like a void. It's like this weird combination of emptiness and a billion eyes. And in some way, that's like the same thing. It's like the same feeling where it's a totally empty audience when you're on stage.

And then it's also a stage where there is like a billion people in the audience and in people freeze. You're like, what do I even post? And like, what do I even have to say? Do I even have something to offer? And it can get real heady and we live in our heads and we, and it's a lot of spiraling and there's a lot of fear because you want to belong. And what if I show up too weird, too big, too intense, too loud, too whatever.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (16:42.99)
Like you literally can't. Social media, people can choose to be there or not, right?

For me, one of the things that I often tell people, one of the things that's helpful for me, if I'm in that place where I am feeling stuck in who am I showing up for and with, how do I make something of value where I can hold myself, my nervous system and say, Bonnie, you're okay here. Like this is what you can share. And this is what I walk through with other people. So if this is helpful, you can let me know.

I was talking, I'm going to tell you what it is. I'm telling you about a conversation I had today with somebody that I've mentored for like almost two years. And she was describing this experience to me. And I told her, like I reminded her about this workshop that she led last month. And this workshop sold out. And all of the people over a month later continue to talk about it.

continue to report to her, continue to ask when the next one is going to be. And the impact of what it was and how it made them pay attention in their lives in ways. And how that workshop has actually spurred her into creating some bigger things. And she's like, but I want to share on social media, but, it's not about the studio that I'm even at, but I just freeze, like, how do I do it?

And it's because you're focusing on the void.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (18:30.478)
which is a billion eyes also, right? So I told her what I've told so many other people is don't create for the void. If you don't have somebody in mind, it makes it really difficult. And I feel like this is a lot of business coaches that are like, create your client avatar, create the person that your business is for. And that can feel like really separate, it can feel far away. But to me, like, you got to make it really personal. So in her case, said, I like don't create for the gram.

I was like, imagine those people. So they came to you, even today they were talking about it. You know those people that were in the room, they come to your classes, you care about them. Those are the people that you want to come on your retreat with you, where you do a deeper dive, like a four day, three night kind of retreat weekend to then take that information from the workshop and go deeper into it. It's like, these are the people who said, yes, sign me up like today, where is the sign up button? And she didn't have it ready yet.

Like this is, she already has her people. And I was like, you don't have to make content for the void. You make it for those 15 people that were in the room. You know their names. You know what you walk through with them. You know the questions that they have. You know the process that they are currently in. You know what practices they are picking up. Talk just to them. Forget about everybody else. And all of a sudden,

It's a classroom of people that are your friends. It's a classroom of people that you have heard their breath and you can imagine their bodies moving and it doesn't feel hard because it's personal. Because you know that the one person lost their mom and you know the other person has a kid that's moved in and you know the other person just got a puppy and you know the other person, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, right? They're real.

So when you're showing up on social media, it's real people. And I love when people come and talk to me from social media. It's not weird to me. Even if people are like, I'm gonna fangirl, I'm like, great, fangirl, let's do it. I'm a real ass human. And if we have the opportunity in person, that gives me a picture, right? Like I get to see your face in my head. I have so many faces in my head of like, I am talking to real people.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (20:56.014)
and you're listening to this podcast and you are real human. You're a real human. Shout out to Camille if you are listening to this as you ride your bike, because one time you told me you did that.

I'm on your bike rides with you. So like just like truly, this is like real people. And when you make it real rather than the void, it's not as overwhelming. Cause for me, I have 101,000 followers. If I were to put 101,000 people in the room, that would be terrifying. I mean, sign me up. I'm probably gonna have to pee a whole lot of times before because I would be so nervous.

Truly, I don't know. Like, I don't know. This makes my stomach feel things. But also it's kind of what I want to do because it pushes my edge a little bit. And I'm interested in getting uncomfortable and growing into that edge. But when I'm making content, if I let myself think about the amount of people that is, it can kind of freeze me. And I'm like, wait a second, but just people, people, people. I love the beginning of the book, Dare to Lead with Brené Brown and how she talks about getting out on stage and feeling nervous.

And then she looks out there she's like, oh, there's this person and this person. I know this person. I know that person. Okay. Like this is easy. And so that's what I do. And I'm like, oh, these are just my friends. These are people who have showed up at flow school. are the hundreds of teachers I have worked with. These are people in my community. These are students that I get to move with in real life. These are friends that are like live far away. People who don't even have anything to do with yoga, but are somebody that cares.

I just got to show up. I'm going to show up with my friends and I think about their faces and what would help the people that I have been in the rooms with. Then it makes it personal. It makes the tone that you make your content with different if you know that somebody is going to listen to it.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (22:55.308)
Like know you're going to listen to this podcast. like that's interesting. And I show up a certain way because I know you're there. And so if you're wanting to make on social media and feeling stuck, make for the five people that are coming to class that are your regulars. What would be really awesome for them to have for their day or for their week? Give that. And if you are looking

Not to, if your business is for students, speak to students, not teachers. Are you actually teaching students on your site, on your gram, on your socials, or are you teaching teachers? It's gonna feel really, it can be really easy to drop into the lingo of the industry of teaching yoga, but students don't understand that. What are your sit bounds? It's an easy one.

What are your sit bones? It's your ass. Sit on your ass, right? Sit on your pockets. in elementary school, it's like, on your pockets. Sit on your sit bones. Sit on your ass. Sit on your cheeks. Sit on, like, people will say all different sorts of things, but people will come and be like, what are your sit bones? Like also it's like, okay, there are the bones in there, which are also your ischial crest. No, your ischial tuberosities, your ilium crest, right? Iliac crest.

So your ischial tuberosities, that's the actual scientific, an anatomical term for your sit bones, for the bony parts of your ass. So you could say that too. But just that students don't know those things. And so how do you speak to the people that are in the room? Who is it you wanna serve? Speak to those people. Use language. And I thought of this the other day where,

It's like, you know what, I want to talk to teachers in a way that my 14 year old would understand. And, and he saw, he was in the room when I said that and he's like, what, so you're going to make it. So like, what do I not understand enough things? And I was like, no, you do. I was like, the fact is that you actually, you do understand a lot of yoga. He really does. He's been around me this whole journey. And I actually, I truly hope that he takes the teacher training and teaches there as a coach of some sort.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (25:21.486)
He would be fantastic at that. But I'm like, you do understand a lot, but I wanna speak in a way that people who are 14, people who are eight, truly I'm like going for like 10 year olds. If you're a 10 year old, can you understand the language that I'm speaking so that is understandable enough so we can make it more complicated? The language has to be easy so we can complicate the things that we're talking about, but not complicate the words that we're using to describe them. We can grow with.

our language, right? We can learn the language of anatomy and say your ischial tuberosities. But the odds of you saying that in a class and students understanding that is very low. Sit down on your ischial tuberosities, crickets. Right? So sit down on your ass. I know what that is. Cool. So how do we meet people? Where they're at? Then layer things in. So talk to your people.

Be personable with them. Set everybody else aside and just talk to those people that you know. Because the odds are high that you want to start a business to serve those people, right? And they're the people that are showing up. You want them to be part of it. So talk to the people that are already in the room. It simplifies it, it personalizes it, it makes it less scary.

And you're just going to show up as you. You're already showing up in the room and being your weird, like the weirdest self, right? That's our job as teachers to be the weirdest person in the room. You're already getting a show up and be that you're in the teacher seat. You got to do that. Instagram, social media, whatever platform is you're using, like be a place where you use the stage to elevate others. If you have other questions.

You can reach out to me on my website, bonnieweeks.com and I have mentor sessions available. If any of this is interesting, you want to dive in more, you want to me a note on the gram, share this podcast, send me an email, all the things, like there's all the things that are possible. I would love to hear from you, see where you are in this journey and what else would be helpful for you. Go get it. The world's your stage.