Are You ‘Cheating’ on Your Fertility Doctor by Getting a Second Opinion?

In this eye-opening episode, Dr. Amols tackles a question most patients are too embarrassed to ask out loud: Does getting a second opinion mean you’re cheating on your fertility doctor?

Inspired by a real patient interaction, he breaks down why fertility care feels so personal, why patients often feel guilty seeking outside input, and why no confident doctor should ever take it personally. You’ll hear how second opinions can validate your plan, reveal new options, and ultimately strengthen your confidence — not sabotage your treatment.

You’ll learn:
 • Why fertility patients feel “loyalty pressure”
 • Why two good doctors can disagree and both be right
 • When a second opinion is helpful (and when it’s panic shopping)
 • What records to bring and what questions to ask
 • The red flags that mean you’re in the wrong clinic
 • How to advocate for yourself without the guilt

This episode is your permission slip to put your peace of mind first. Your journey deserves clarity — not loyalty tests.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of 'Taco Bout Fertility Tuesday' with Dr. Mark Amols. If you found this episode insightful, please share it with friends and family who might benefit from our discussion. Remember, your feedback is invaluable to us – leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred listening platform.

Stay connected with us for updates and fertility tips – follow us on Facebook. For more resources and information, visit our website at www.NewDirectionFertility.com.

Have a question or a topic you'd like us to cover? We'd love to hear from you! Reach out to us at TBFT@NewDirectionFertility.com.

Join us next Tuesday for more discussions on fertility, where we blend medical expertise with a touch of humor to make complex topics accessible and engaging. Until then, keep the conversation going and remember: understanding your fertility is a journey we're on together.

Transcript

0:00

Today we talk about why getting a second opinion is not cheating on your fertility doctor, but being an advocate for yourself. I'm, Dr. Mark Amols, and this is Taco about Fertility Tuesday. So today I had a very interesting encounter. A patient asked me, is it okay, Dr. Emerald, that we spoke to a friend who's in medicine about our fertility case? And, I'll be honest, I kind of froze because I was like, why would it be wrong to ask for a second opinion? Why do they. They think they need my permission? And then it hit me. Fertility care is so personal, so emotional, so vulnerable. The patients actually feel like they're cheating on us when they go out for advice. I started thinking, am I giving off, like, jealous boyfriend energy or something? But it wasn't me. It's because of that strong bond we have. They felt guilty to ask for a second opinion. So let's talk about this and talk about why second opinions are, not only okay, but sometimes they're actually very smart to get. See, infertility medicine is different. You share very personal details about your body, your relationship, your hopes, your timeline, your heart breaks. And you trust me with all of it. You see, more often, people talk to me about some of their personal experience than anyone else they talk to. It doesn't just feel like a relationship. It is a relationship. And so it makes psychological sense that patients worry that asking another doctor for input might hurt my feelings. But here's the truth. Your fertility journey is not about protecting your doctor's ego. If it is, that's a problem. No doctor should ever be against you getting a second opinion. To be honest, in nearly every specialty, second opinions are standard. Think about oncology, cardiologists, orthopedics. Nobody freaks out when the patient wants another cardiologist to review their stuff before a heart surgery. But yet, for fertility patients, they tiptoe around like they're sneaking out of the house. Here's the reality. Reproductive medicine is very complex. Two doctors can look at the same labs, same ultrasound, same reports, and legitimately come up with two different strategies. And the thing is, neither of them are wrong. But how can that be? Because one plus one doesn't equal two infertility. There are more than one way to get to the same goal. It's not a sign that something's wrong. It's that it's a sign that the field is very nuanced. The other thing to keep in mind is that different doctors deal with different populations that may need different treatments and may be experts in some areas that others Are not. But here's the most important part and the honest truth. Good doctors are not threatened by second opinions. Good doctors want you to be confident. They want you to be informed and empowered. Good doctors want you to get answers, even if they come from someone else. I constantly tell patients, yes, go get a second opinion. But I'm not against that. I'm not the smartest person in the world. I tell them, come back with that information, and then I'll let you know if I think it is useful or not. Even I sometimes will ask colleagues of mine what they think of a case, because I want to make sure, am I going in the right direction? Maybe I can use some help from a friend that they might have a different perspective. One of the great things about being in the clinic with other doctors is I can run things by them. But the point is, if your doctor gets mad that, you ask for another opinion, that's a big, bright red flashing neon sign that says that this doctor is prioritizing their ego over your outcome. And no offense, but if your doctor acts jealous, you don't need a fertility doctor. You need couples counseling. So what can second opinions do? How do they help? Well, not everyone should get a second opinion. Let's say you have a great cycle, you have success. Why would you get a second opinion? It worked. So second opinions really are for people who, let's say, maybe they're not very comfortable with the plan, or maybe they've had poor success and want to, find there's another technique that might give them a fresh perspective and might help them have a better chance. Maybe. Your case is very complex. Sometimes doctors even tell you that. And sometimes just having someone maybe catch something subtle that might have been missed in another consult, sometimes even getting a second opinion might just help you understand things better. Maybe that doctor is able to explain things a little bit better. Or, maybe you just get lots of advice from lots of people and you just want to make sure you are asking the right questions. Most of the time, your plan is probably 99% perfect. But that 1% tweak sometimes might make all the difference. And sometimes the second opinion just simply echoes what you're already doing, which actually builds more confidence, and both those outcomes are a win. I personally do second opinions all the time. And I tell patients, your doctor's doing a great job. I can't actually offer anything to help now. I tell them, yeah, do I think there's certain things that we might do better? Are there certain things I might change? Yeah, but I'm honest and tell them, I don't think it's going to make that big of a difference. Now, if someone's plan is not going well and I think what they're doing is wrong, I'll let the patient know that, you know, I do have a difference in opinion, how we can do it. Although, it doesn't make it wrong the way your doctor's doing. I do believe the way I would do it may do better. And then I explain why. And that's one of the important things. You need to ask why Just giving a perspective of what they thought they can do better doesn't mean it will work. And you need to ask why and what evidence backs that up? Again, if you get pushback, then you shouldn't feel comfortable because that doctor should be able to tell you why it's going to benefit you. Not, just that it will, but what's the reason why is your plan going to work better? What are you doing different, and what is it changing? Now, if you're getting a second opinion because you just don't like the clinic, that's different. Almost anything they do will be good. But we're talking about second opinions to find out if what's going on is working. No one says you have to leave your doctor, but if you find someone that has, let's say, a plan that sounds better, you should bring it back to your doctor and say, this is what they recommended. And then what your doctor should do is, instead of being offended, go, well, let me look at that. That's a great idea. Or maybe they'll say, you know, I understand they think this would be better, but this is what the sign shows. At least then it helps you be more confident, because now you have your doctor explaining to you why they're doing what they do and why they think that other plan may not work and might even be able to give you the evidence behind that. The point is, you come out feeling much more comfortable and confident that your plan is going to at least work and is the right plan for you. Now, there are also times when a second opinion isn't just optional, but really is useful. For example, if you had repeated failed IUIs or IVF cycles, or if you have poor response to medication and no matter what they're doing, it's not getting better. Maybe there's conflicting recommendations, or maybe you just feel like you're getting pushed into something that just doesn't feel right. This is a good time to get a second opinion. So how do you get a second opinion without all the drama. Well, if your doctor is recommending it, then there's no drama at all. But let's say they're not, and you still don't feel comfortable. You can gather your records and bring them to another clinic. You don't have to ask to send your records if you don't want to make them feel awkward. Just gather your records, get your labs, your ultrasounds, all your testing, and then bring that to the clinic. It's for an IVF consult. Make sure you bring the IVF cycle reports, the embryo grading, the PGT results, anything that can be useful for them to look into, to look at the details. Then at the appointment, ask, smart questions. What would you change and why would you change it? Is there something we haven't considered? Maybe ask them what their philosophy is for your situation, and then compare the recommendations without spiraling. Different doesn't always mean better or worse. It means different paths sometimes have the same goal. And maybe you might feel better with that path. And if you really like your doctor, go back to them, share that plan, and see what they say. And then you decide what path you want to take. Now, remember, getting opinions is good. Two opinions, fantastic. Eight opinions. That is panic shopping. If you have taken more second opinions from doctors, then embryos you have, you need to take a breath. That is way too many opinions. I find that good doctors will even recommend a doctor for you to see. When people ask me, I tell them which are the best clinics in town, I say, I recommend seeing this person or that person. That way they're getting an opinion from someone that I at least respect and who I believe will give them opinion without trying to just sell them something. I think the important thing to remember is, is that trust in fertility care doesn't mean never questioning anything. It means having a doctor who welcomes your questions, your concerns, and, yes, even you getting second opinions. So if you can't ask questions without feeling judged, wrong clinic. If your doctor can't handle fresh perspectives and questions, again, wrong clinic. And that's because the right doctors stay focused on, one thing and one thing only. Your success, not their pride. So let me say this in plain English. You are never cheating on your doctor by getting a second opinion. You're advocating for yourself. You're protecting your future family, and you're doing exactly what you should do. And if you ever want a second opinion about your case, whether it's here at my clinic or somewhere else, I'm not just okay with it. I support it fully. Because this journey is about your peace of mind, your confidence, and ultimately your baby. I'm really glad that patient asked me that question this morning because honestly, I didn't realize that patients felt that way and that made me think and, why I did this episode today. I want people to know it's perfectly okay and it should be a red flag if your doctor doesn't think it's okay. If you felt this was helpful for you, maybe helpful for someone else, tell your friends about it and pass this podcast on to someone else who maybe is struggling with fertility and is worried about getting a second opinion. As always, I greatly appreciate everyone who listens to this podcast. As I always mention, I do this on my own time. I don't make money from it and don't even want to make money from it. I do it because I know when I went through I was lost and I want to be there for someone else to help them through this. If you like this podcast, tell your friends about us. Give us a five star review on your favorite medium. Most of all, keep coming back. I look forward to talking again next week on Taco Belt Fertility Tuesday.