Chap63: Body in the Bayou, Part 3 [crime/suspense]

The official 8Sparks Media Patreon is back! Clarence and Shaun discuss the tiers of the new Patreon page, which include shoutouts, TWB characters named after patrons, exclusive and early TWB and 8Sparks Stories episodes, and more to come!

In some more serious news, a fellow local writer, Robert Rumery, could really use some help. We're including a link here to his gofundme page to help pay for medical expenses:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/robert-rumery-with-medical-and-living-expenses?utm_campaign=p_lico+share-sheet-first-launch&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook

At around 34:34, Detective Jade's recent adventures in "Body in the Bayou" concludes in this fully improvised finale.

Support the Show on our Patreon @
https://www.patreon.com/8SparksMedia

Brought to you by NerdCore at the Auburn Mall
https://www.nerdcoremaine.com/
And R Card Place, also at the Auburn Mall
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094014247014
AndAnd Mark Nigro Services @
mnigroservices@gmail.com

Stay up to date with Clarence Carter @
https://www.clarencecarterauthor.com/
And Shaun J. Nigro @
http://www.shaunjnigro.com

Follow The Writers Block on Meta @
https://www.facebook.com/thewritersblockofficial

Transcript

All right. And we're starting now. Somewhat. All right. Now we are attempting to utilize the video feature on podcasts, all while recording the audio on audacity on a separate computer. Still, uh, streamlining stuff here, but what's going on? 

U1

Oh. Too much. 

U2

We were just talking about the Tucker. Tucker Carlson interview with Putin. Yeah. 2.2s

U1

Yeah. We don't want to get too weirdly political over here. No, um, we'll skip past that. Um, let's see on. 

U2

Clarence just recorded his first lines in the sound. The official eight Spark Studio sound booth. Yes. So spit in his raps. And 

U1

so we were, um, we talked about this on the last episode. I think, uh, my story is called imposter. It's going to be on the hellscape podcast, and they're doing casting for it soon. And I'm not I'm not really a voice actor, but I thought it would be fun to audition for a very, very small role in in it, 

U2

like maybe two, two more words than not one of us. Yeah, 

U1

exactly. And I'll have all of, like, three lines. Um, and really, it's just for fun just to be like, oh, yeah. And by the way, when you listen to that, pay attention to, you know, this character and to see if you recognize the voice. Clarence 

U2

is going to be like the Tarantino slash, uh, Shyamalan of audio dramas. He'll always have a little cameo in there. Oh, I 

U1

don't know myself. I don't know about always, but maybe. Maybe a few. Um, anyway, things are things are progressing. Um, we're trying to get, uh, all of our Patreon stuff going. Uh, it's live now. Yes. Check us on Patreon eight Sparks Media. So it 

U2

should be Patreon.com slash the number eight Sparks Media. Yes. 

U1

Um, absolutely. Follow us on there. There's already one, uh, paid thing on there. So at any tier, there are four tiers. You can, uh you can. Access the script to imposter right now. If you were a paid member on on Patreon. There's also a bunch of stuff like episodes of eight Spark Stories that we put up there, episodes of Twb we put up there. 1.2s

U2

Um, 

U1

the interview that I recently did with Clevver Mom that's up there 

U2

eventually, uh, discounts for our books. Yeah. And also we're experimenting with AI in multiple silly ways, just for a little extra content. Um, 1s I've been building full, fleshed out short stories based on the transcripts from some of our older Twb episodes. So those will probably be live. And then we've also been cloning our voices in AI, which, uh, podcasts will offers that feature. A lot of other companies I think are offering it now. But basically, Clarence just read 70 lines that it presented, and within 24 hours we're going to have we're going to be able to input any text. And it will automatically generate a reading with a clone of Clarence's voice, which is very uncanny because it's already done mine. And it's like slightly off. It sounds like a it sounds like a robot trying to pretend to be me. I am Sean Negro. What are you talking about? Anything like that 

U1

imposter. So I 

U2

think the plan is to have some silly AI clone voices of us reading the silly AI stories based on our content. 

U1

Not one of us. Not one of us. 

U2

Yeah, and then I also want to. And we're offering this, like, dirt cheap alongside all the other stuff. So it's not like we're trying to rip you off with this AI content. Um, but I also thought it would be an interesting idea. Uh, last year I was doing the the Jimmy Eagle. Like the real life. I was using Midjourney to create hyper realistic, uh, images that would have been like screenshots from a non-existent Jimmy Eagle movie. Remember that? So I did a series of them that sort of in themselves was like a short comic based on the the first Jimmy Eagle story we told. So I thought it would be fun to maybe have a little extra tab on the website or on Patreon where people could explore the what if these were actual movies concept. 

U1

Oh, and also, we've been busting out on, uh, the YouTube stuff too. 

U2

Yes. So eight Spark Stories will be available probably by the time this recording is up. There will be an official eight Spark Stories channel. Um, and it's basically just going to be the audio with an image or a little video clip in the background that repeats. Uh, our inspirations would have been, uh, like Chilling Tales for Dark Nights. Yes. And. 1.1s Um, there's another one that Lou Berger sent me recently, and they do it a little bit differently. They do what I was initially thinking of doing, which is there's like different images in the background. Mhm. Um, and then they have a host. Mhm. Which is like this old timey steampunk voice which is kind of interesting. Um, and eventually we do want to have a host as well. I really want to do like a live intro, an actual video of someone like in a library with a pipe, kind of like, um. Well, tales of the crypt comes to mind for video and, uh, for a host for an intro. And then, uh, cabinet of curiosities. Mhm. I thought those, those would be my inspirations. And I think, uh, Ray Bradbury actually had his intros as well on the. There's a series based on his short stories that came out in the 80s. Nice. Yeah. I don't remember what it's called. I don't either. 

U1

I don't think I ever saw it. 1.7s

U2

Uh. All right, well, see you 

U1

later. All right. And good night. All right. What else is going? Oh, um, Robert Rumsey. Right. So I have a friend, a writer friend who's in some medical trouble. Um. 1.2s I don't really want to get into the nitty gritty of it, but go fund me. Dot com Robert Rumsey. He could really use some help. There are raising some money. I can't remember what the goal was. Ten grand maybe. But you know how terrible the health care system in this country is. 

U2

Yeah. Is he a part of the Booktok community? 

U1

No, I don't think so. So I met him. He's a local, by the way. Lives right here in Maine. I met him at Bangor Comic and Toy Con. So it was him, Duane, myself, a few other authors that were there, and, uh. Yeah. Good. Dude. Just kind of, you know, 

U2

we'll put a link to that in the show 

U1

notes. Anything you can do helps a lot. 1.1s Um, let's see where else. What else do we got going on? Um, we have a project coming up. I don't know how much of that you want to get into, 

U2

but, uh. Yeah. So all my dreams have come true. Clarence finally reached out and asked me to help him. Right. What is going to be an audio drama script, right? Yeah. And our idea is, because we've got so much, we've got a hand. And what do they say? The foot. An egg in every basket? Yeah, we've got content. Mostly for free all over the place. Yeah. So we figured we'd take this opportunity to attempt to write something, um, to pitch to audible, I think was. And then maybe Spotify, since they're getting into audiobooks as well, we might have better luck with Spotify since they're so new at that. Yeah. Um, 

U1

we'll we'll figure out who's taking submissions. Um, my inspiration for this. Well, I've had this idea for a long time. Political thriller? Yeah. Political thriller. Originally, I was going to do it as a book. When the idea came to me, I had all this idea, and at the time I had never written scripts. I had never done audio dramas, I'd never done anything. So I was just like, oh, kick it further down. Also, because it's a political thriller, it takes a lot of research that I don't fucking want to do. So two years ago, when I had this idea, I was like. 1s

U2

I don't. I want to do it, but I don't want to do all the research and I don't want to. So I just kept kicking it down the road. Well, now that I'm getting a little more comfortable, I'm not saying I'm great at writing scripts, but I'm getting more comfortable at it. And I've done some audio drama stuff now because hellscape is about to put out, um, imposter. And I've been writing scripts for, uh, a TV show that I'm working on called Myths and Monsters, and who knows if that'll ever sell. But I'm getting in the practice of writing more scripts and stuff. So I've gotten more comfortable. And I was thinking to myself, maybe this isn't a book. And then literally, I had this come to, uh, come to light, come to Jesus moment when I was listening to blackout, which is a radio drama on Spotify, that that camera is distracting me. Um, I was listening to Blackout and Camera. 

U1

Yeah, I was, I keep looking at myself. Anyway, um, these 

U2

little stickers that say. Clarence, look here. Yeah. 

U1

And anywhere else, um, just look over there. Well, so anyway, I was listening to blackout, which has, uh, Rami Malek in it. You know, the guy from, uh, Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah. Anyway, him. And it's so good. It's so intense. It's kind of dystopian. Like the power grid goes down, whatever. And people turn to savages or whatever. Not like zombies, but you know how people can be. 

U2

So I started to listen to it, and I was thinking maybe like The Stand. Yeah, 

U1

it is kind of like the Stand. Yeah. That's fair. Anyway, as I'm listening to this audio drama, I'm thinking about about this idea that I had about this political thriller and I'm like, you know, there's there's something in this. I think this might be better off as an audio drama rather than a book. Anyway, that was a long way. And then I was thinking, you know what? We've been working together for many years now. Fucking four years now. Five years now. And I've never invited you on to do anything 

U2

you lazily kind of did. Way back. You were like, here, you want to work with me? Do something with this. The hand. 

U1

Oh, yeah, the hand, which still is not done. What you've had all these years. I'm just kidding. 

U2

Yeah, well, you were working on that recently, weren't you? 

U1

Yeah, I touched on it a little bit. That might end up being a script too. There are some stories that I could hear that as a, you know, because it's a horror comedy. Yeah. Right. So which you said you wanted to write. You don't write that much comedy. No. And 

U2

Damn Ernie is a comedy. Yeah. Comedy drama that everyone likes. So maybe there's some untapped potential there for 

U1

you. I think actually, I think this political thriller might be have moments of it. That's funny. 

U2

Yeah. Because, well, without giving too much away, we're following the main characters are hackers. 

U1

Yeah. Um, and I think sort of like anonymous and I think they're not I don't know how to put it, but they're not to be taken super seriously. I think some of them are kind of. Well, 

U2

yeah, that's that's what I said. Because like, it's not like they're working for some government agency. They're working against the government. Yeah. Um, and so the idea that just anybody could join, and I just thought it would be cool to have some characters that were, like, literally living in their mom's basement or. Yeah, but, um, we haven't really fleshed out the characters yet, but like, a handful of them I want to focus on. And then not immediately, but slowly, you kind of reveal who these people are and what their motives are. And yeah, I like it. I'm pretty excited. I'm excited to get into the research aspect. I haven't done a lot of script writing in the past couple of years, so I'm excited to get back to that. I did start like a page and a half, I think. Yeah, it was what you were happy with. Yeah, I was happy that you were happy with it. Yeah. Because it's your idea at the end of the day. Yeah. So I don't want to take too much away from your, your vision. I don't know that we're going to necessarily use that, but it's, it's good, it's solid. And we should probably flesh out our characters. And because as much as like we've talked about, um, in the past, we've talked about about, um, 1.8s

U1

uh, like plotters versus panthers, I, I don't think that this is an opportunity to pants. No, not at all. I don't so usually that's how I write my novels. Like. I'll just hit the ground running. I'll have, like, a rough idea, and it'll just rattle around in my head, and then I'll just go for 

U2

it. That's how I write everything. 

U1

Yeah. So I don't think that's a good idea for this, considering that we're going to try to sell it. Exactly. And, and also, I think we've been talking about this a little bit more as of recently. Like I don't mind working for free. I have no problem with it for the most part. But what we do here at Sparks Media is expensive, like we've been pitching. We've been paying for everything out of pocket for years now, and it's, 1.4s well, a part of it is that it is multimedia. Um. 1.6s But we've just got so much, so many stories to tell, so much content to give. And now we're bringing in other people. Well, we kind of always did before, but there are people that have been with us for a while now, like Todd and Keith. I feel like Connor is going to be. Yeah, a mainstay. And Dennis. Yeah. Um, 

U2

all great people. Yeah. That's and we talked about this last episode, just like we're building a little community here. Yeah. 

U1

Oh, and Danielle and Danielle. Danielle has been a huge part of eight Spark Stories. So she's done. I don't know how many stories I honestly haven't counted, but 

U2

if the window is coming out the window, she's just recovering. She's been sick, so she's trying to get her voice back. But yeah. And she's she's now an integral part of of the team over here. So we utilize her a lot. And thank you Danielle if you're listening. Um so that's a lot. Oh yeah. And the idea is that we want to be able to bring some money into what we do here, which is why we're on Patreon and which was why we're going to try to sell this thriller. This audio drama is because we want to be able to fund this, to keep doing this. It's not that we want to get rich. It's not that we want to stuff our pockets is that all of this is expensive and we need the money to keep going. So we would turn a lot of this money over it back into the business is essentially what it what it comes down to. Yeah. 

U1

So with that being said, 

U2

we want to be around for years to come. Take the floor. Miles to go. Was there something I was supposed to say I don't 

U1

know. I just feel like I've been rambling for the last 20 minutes saying, give us money. 1.5s

U2

Um, yeah. So, uh, the first almost four. So critique the rapper talked about it. Last podcast, the first episode with video has been recorded, but I'm going to probably split it up into four because James and I had a like a 2.5 hour conversation, and we ended up covering the five albums, actually. What? Yeah. Um, and then like, we started out just sort of catching up, um, giving a little bit of rap news and basically just kind of. I didn't want to think too hard about it. Um, just getting into the flow of podcasting with him, which come to find out, I think he said that he's never podcasting with anybody else. So, um, yeah, we got some really good content coming out there. That's probably 1.2s James and I were talking about doing, uh, our own Patreon, but I don't know, uh, if anyone listening is interested because technically, that is an eight sparks. Production. So it's just not stories. It's rap and hip hop music 

U1

review, which is still stories. 

U2

Yeah. Depending on yeah, yeah. Some 

U1

of the music some of the music is. Yeah. Um, so I really didn't want to flood the market that way. So I think it would make more sense to do it under one. But if you guys want to do it under another, I mean, 

U2

yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's also a lot of people. It's also a lot of housekeeping, like even the Patreon. What what I've done with it so far is like, it's a lot of work, 1.3s

U1

but that's you guys decision. I'll let you do whatever you got to do. 

U2

Uh, just completely spaced. 

U1

Yeah. 2.8s Oh, there are, um, four tiers on our Patreon. I know we're all over the place today, but for tiers on Patreon for different amounts that you can subscribe for, and they have different perks, so 

U2

you can read off the perks. 

U1

I could read off The 

U2

Price has got his own little computer here today, so he's able to fact check me. I don't usually bring my computer, but I think because we have so much going on these days, it might be the better move to to start bringing it along with me. 1.4s Um. 

U1

But what else did you have to say? Well, I get this open. 

U2

Um. Oh, um. My song. No time to waste. Um, Mandy, who produced it, and I are trying to get a thousand. A thousand listens. Because on Spotify, if you're an indie artist or. Yeah, if you release a song and it has under a thousand, it actually shows you. And I think I would like to have at least one of my songs on one of my Spotify profiles, not, say, less than a thousand listens. So our goal is to get 1000 listens. Um, so it would really help if you if anyone is interested in rap or hip hop or just seeing what I'm doing besides this particular medium, uh, go check out No Time to the number two waste by critic the rapper. Um, and don't try to game the system. I would it'd be nice if we could do that, but I apparently you can't just loop the song over and over again, so that's not going to help. 1.6s

U1

Wouldn't that be funny? Yeah. All right. I'll go through the tiers right quick. So $1 a month is called the frontier. You'll be allowed access to all of our free content on Patreon. We will shout you out here on Twb. That's it for that one. $5 a month gets you what's called the champion tier. Uh, you will give you access to all the free content on Patreon, which is also like episodes of Twb episodes of eight Spark Stories. I recently put up, uh, I did an interview with, uh, Clever Mom about bad spirits. We should probably talk about that a little 

U2

bit, too. That was a good interview. Um, and you'll get shoutouts on here on, uh, twb. We'll put a segment in like the beginning or something. Any Patreon supporters get shout out. Anyway, $10 a month is called Myth Tier. It allows you access to all of our free content, shout outs on the podcast and discounts on our books. Signed copies of our books, um, and $15 a month is called Legend Tier and it allows you the same thing. Access to all the free content, shout outs on the podcast, discounts on the signed books and in our Twb stories. 

U1

Teletubby, Teletubbies. Um, in our Twb stories, we will name a character after you. And I'm saying, like, over time, these tiers will change. I'm sure they'll get a little more in depth than they'll be, but that's what we have for now. 

U2

Good stuff. 

U1

Yeah. So follow us on Patreon. It sparks media. All right. 

U2

We're really selling it hard today. Yeah. 

U1

Uh 

U2

uh, I feel like there was other stuff that I meant to talk about, 

U1

but. Oh, I'm sure there is. Real quick. Just, uh. What have you been reading or listening to? We haven't mentioned that in a while. Um. 1s

U2

Or watching. So I've been reading that radio drama book that you lent me. I'm still getting at it. I'm reading very slowly these days because I don't have a lot of time. I've been listening to, um, Blackout on Spotify. Fantastic. Love it. Uh, I think there's only two seasons, though, which kind of blows, but, uh. And I've been listening to Tony and Ryan. It's a podcast on Spotify. They're like these Australians. They're really funny. Other than it just being a comedy podcast, there's like nothing, you know, nothing book related. Um, but if you guys are looking for something funny, something brainless, Tony and Ryan's pretty fun. Um, we should talk about the claim for a moment. Interview real quick because it's recent. I don't really like talking about myself. Yeah. 1.1s Um, yeah. So Bad spirits is coming out. Uh, shit. I don't remember what the date is. Later this month. Anthology? Yeah, the bad spirits. What's in that? Uh, 

U1

quiet desperation. The story about the Mothman. 

U2

Okay. Why did I think that that was? What did Chilling Tales take? 

U1

Same thing. Oh, yes. So do you have any idea when that's coming out yet? No. Are they going to tell 

U2

you when it comes out? 

U1

I don't know, we'll see. 1s Cool. Um, yeah. So on his, uh, platform on Substack, Clay Furman interviewed all of the people that are going to be in the anthology, and he's been slowly releasing them over time. And he and I chatted, I don't know, maybe a couple of weeks ago, and he just posted the interview recently. And you can get that on Patreon as well. 2s So 

U2

every time you do that, I'm going to do that thing where the screen cuts to you. Oh, okay. And that'll be the picture for the episode. 

U1

All right. Um, oh. We just oh, we just had a quick little chat. It was only like about 15 minutes, 20 minutes or something like that. 1.6s And, uh. Yeah. 1.1s Uh, cool. I so what have I been up to besides this, uh, book on marketing? Mhm. Um, we finished the first season of Ted the Ted Show last night on Peacock. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Um, if you don't know, it's based on the movies. I haven't seen the second movie, but, uh, it takes place in the in the 90s, when they would have been in high school, and it's pretty solid. Pretty solid writing. Um, one of them I called, like, at just one particular episode, there were things happening, and I turned to Heidi and I was like, so this is going to happen, and then this is going to happen. And then all of that ended up happening. And it was just it was I was thinking about it this morning. It was an example of lazy writing because like they put in the things that like he'll mention, oh, that's a nice VCR over there. And then that VCR ends up, they need that VCR later in the episode. Yeah. Um, I guess because the episodes are shorter, they didn't have as much time probably to flesh that out. But just the fact that when a character randomly mentions something that they wouldn't otherwise mention. Yeah, that's lazy writing, but it's a comedy, so whatever. Um, and then after Heidi went to bed, I started another show on Peacock. This this was what I do. I subscribe to one of the platforms, and then I just try to binge as much content to get my money's worth. Uh, so I started a show called There's Only One Season. It's called shrink, and it's about a guy. The comedy again, uh, that does free therapy, uh, in his garage because he's trying to get his hours to become a licensed therapist, a psychologist or a 

U2

shrink. Yeah. What is the word I'm thinking of? Sit there. Because when I say when I say therapy, I think like physical 

U1

therapy. Yeah. No, therapy is the right word. Therapist. 

U2

The psychiatrist is the one that can prescribe medication. Yeah, but then everyone else under him is a. Are they also technically psychologists? 

U1

I think so anyway, so that's what it's about. And it's about him not doing a great job at it, basically doing things unethically. But and if the, the main guy is the boyfriend of Judy from. Have you seen The Righteous Gemstones on HBO? We've been watching that as well. Uh, with the main guy there, I can't remember his name. Oh, it has John Goodman, and it has the guy that's in all the. 1.3s Yes, we gotta look it up. Yeah, I got it. 

U2

Uh, Danny? No, I can't remember his name. Ah, he was in the Lost World movie. 1.7s Uh, what? 1.1s

U1

What was the name? Danny McBride. Isn't that the guy that just got arrested? Did he? Yeah. That's the guy that got arrested from that 70 show, I think, 

U2

like, okay, look it up, because it's not that guy. 

U1

Or. Who the fuck am I thinking of? Oh, no, that's not Danny McBride. Wow. I fucking missed that. Guy's the Seth Rogen guy. Well, we went way off, 1.4s okay? I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore. What am I looking up? 

U2

Uh, the Righteous Gemstones 1.4s would help if I knew how to spell righteous, wouldn't it? All right. Got it. All right. Cast. Yep. Danny McBride right there. Danny McBride, Eddie Patterson, Adam Divine or divine? However you say that. John Goodman. Cassidy. Freeman. 1.5s Uh, Anthony Cavallaro. 

U1

Yeah. Tim Boltz, Jody Hill, Walton Goggins. And 

U2

that show is basically about, uh, a. 1.7s Tesla. 1.1s What is the freaking word? 

U1

Well, I don't know. 1.5s

U2

Those those. It's a family that has a TV church. They do their sermons on TV. Oh, like Peter Popoff. Like. Yeah. And it's basically about them not actually being religious and having this multi-million dollar business. And it's pretty funny. 

U1

Hmm. 

U2

Some good writing on that show. 

U1

Televangelists. That's the word 

U2

televangelists. Yeah. Uh, so, yeah. And then other than that, I had I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I had been watching, uh, True Detective, which is a serious detective show. And on HBO, every season has a different cast, and it follows a different story. Um, 

U1

I just remembered who I was thinking of. Uh, Danny Masterson. Yes. 

U2

Yeah. Um. And season one was really good. Season two is not as good, but it has, uh, Woody Harrelson and. 3.5s

U1

Matthew McConaughey. And it's actually it's kind of I feel like I'm probably channeling some of it into the newest detective Jade story, because it takes place down in New Orleans. Every, every season also takes place in a different location. Mhm. So really interesting show there. 1.3s

U2

And other than the music which I also mentioned last episode for the critique, the rapper, uh, I think that's, that's about it for content for me. 1.4s

U1

We have a, 

U2

I listen to David Pakman every day as well. Yeah. 

U1

Guest. We have a big a big project ahead of us that we talked about a little bit. It's going to take us a long time, but, um, I'm hoping 1.1s I'm hoping we can do multiple seasons. I'm hoping that we can, you know, let this thing really breathe, like, up. It feels that a lot of what I do is very narrow. Mhm. And I don't hate that because I do love word economy. I do love, you know, the short story market as much as I fucking complain about it and hate it at times when it works it works right. When it works good and the market's not to blame. It's everybody's fault. It's my fault. It's their fault. It's it's just everybody. Anyway, um, I want to let I want to have a project where I can take my shoes off because I don't do that very often. I do that in some of my novels, but even my novels are. A lot of them are small. A lot of them are very tight, very, you know, like Dahmer. And he's very thin. The Blacktop Kings is very thin. All of my short story collections are short stories. 

U2

It's funny that you use Take Your Shoes Off as a metaphor for. Basically doing more. Yeah, 

U1

I want to be in in. 

U2

This is what relaxes us as creators is taking on more projects. Yeah, we want more. Um, no, I just want to one that we can world builds a little bit when we can spread out a little further, you know, and maybe, maybe that's just because I'm maturing as a creator, and maybe it's because I've been working on Mishka for fucking seven years, 1.6s

U1

which, by the way, is coming soon. Yeah, by April. Right? Yeah. I'm gonna try to release it. And I'm scared about doing a pre-order because I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up. So, like, I'm afraid that if I put up a date and I want the date to be before we go to Portland, before we go to that con. But I can't necessarily depend on everybody to have their part done in time. That's what I'm afraid of, because I still have one and a half more rounds of edits to do. I still have to get in touch with the cover designer, and I still have to get in touch with the formatter, and there's no way to predict when the book is actually going to be finished so I can meet that date. That's that's part of the problem, but I really want to finish it and have it out and ready before we go to the Portland con, because I'd like to have a new release on the table. 

U2

Yeah. Well, and then the other thing is you're going to have to have it ready and then you're going to be able to you need to have time to actually get your copies of the book. 

U1

Yeah. And if you order them in bulk, it takes fucking forever. So I might just order them all separately. 

U2

It's gonna cost more money. Oh, you can't you can't order more than ten copies. Oh, fuck. 3.5s

U1

Well. Alrighty then. See? See the problems I'm up against. See 

U2

the myriad problems? Yeah. All right. Uh, should we tell a story? Should we attempt to wrap up this Jade story? Yep. All right. Oh, another thing I wanted to mention is, uh, the first season of the writers of this podcast that we're on right now is been completely. I've equalized the audio. I've cut out more of the silence. Uh, and basically, I cut out all of the conversations on all of the stories except for Pocket trolls with Casey Johnston. So if you want to get back into where it all began, um, the stories are a little rougher, but now you can just start the episodes and jump right into the stories and then, um, season two and up to now the convos are still there, but. 

U1

Yeah. Where the conversations were just poorly recorded. 

U2

Um, yeah. The audio quality wasn't great. We got we got way off topic. We think we get off topic now, but we talked about things that like, now we're a little more focused on, uh, the actual projects that we're doing, which is a lot more than before. And just writing in general. And I feel like we're talking less out of our ass because we have more experience. Um, but, uh, those conversations will be available on the Patreon at some point as well, so they're not completely gone, but right. My thinking was new listeners, if they want to go back to the beginning, um, 1.2s I think the very first thing we ever did on a recording was a fart joke, because one of the chairs was, remember, like two chairs ago for you was creaking and I was like, ah, that sounded like a fart. Yeah. Welcome to the writer's block. 1.1s Okay, 

U1

bam. Just like that story. 

U2

Tell a goddamn. 

in his car, staring across a filthy dashboard covered with cheeseburger wrappers and drink containers, empty and askew. 1s Detective Jade watches as the blue Honda approaches the sharp, broken tail light on a baby on board in the back and Bayley 

U2

pentagram Dreamcatcher on the rearview mirror. 

U1

Yes. Bayley sits up. That's him. That's him. 2.4s

U2

They 1.1s watch as the man. The man whom I don't remember his name. The man gets out of the car and approaches the shop and knocks on the door 1.3s and it. 1s

U1

Unlocks with a 1.6s

U2

heap 1.1s

U1

and he disappears inside. Come on, come on. They get out of the car and they sneak. Doot doot doot doot doot. They sneak to the one to the window and they peek inside. And 1.1s Madame Julia, I think that was her name. 

U2

Julia 1.5s

U1

is. Her hands are hovering over the crystal 

U2

ball 1.3s and it is changing. And inside it's this sort of like purple smoke. And this purple smoke is spiraling faster and faster and faster until it forms this very obscure like tornado in the center of this. And then bolts of, like, electricity start popping off of it, and the man approaches, says something, and he holds up a chicken, a live chicken, and is still kind of kicking, and he's holding it by its neck. And he says, Madame Julia, I brought it 1.1s

U1

very well, son. Very well. 4s

U2

So he hands the chicken to Madam Julia. 1.3s And together they painted on the table. And then she takes out an axe and she chops its head off. 1.9s The chicken's head rolls off of the table closest to the window. 1.3s Um, and Jade notices that it's still blinking. 1.3s Alive. Looks like it's trying to say something to him, its beak moving up and down. 1.2s And then it just is open and he starts to hear. 2.1s And he looks back up at the table. And now, Madam Julia and the man who we forgot his name, have stepped closer, and they're right behind the chicken head, and they're standing there, and they're staring straight at Jade, 1.2s and the lady is peering at him. 1.3s And then Jade wakes up in a cold sweat in his room. It's still he checks the his, uh, old fashioned alarm clock next to his bed. It's 2:00 in the morning, 1.2s and he looks out the window. 1.3s And. 1.3s It's still dark. 1.2s So he gets up. Uses the blanket to wipe the sweat off of his face in his body. And he walks over to the window. 1.3s He sees a. 1.3s An opened can of lanky beer. He picks it up and shakes it. It's got a little bit left. Shrugs, finishes it off, and then just chucks it behind him. 2.3s He takes a deep breath, and then he looks out the window and down in the street. 1.4s And he sees that there is a cloaked figure standing by a streetlight, and it's looking right up at him. He can't see the face, but can see that the head is tilted his way. 2s He kind of leans into the window and the face notices that he notices, and this cloaked figure starts to run away up the street. 2.3s He quickly grabs his. 1.1s Coat and starts to walk out the door and looks down and remembers that he's not wearing any pants. Goes back in, gets his jeans on, and he's just zipping them and buckling them and fixing his belt as he's down the stairs and he's out the door and he sees just in time, he exits the his apartment, and he sees that this cloaked figure has disappeared around the corner, an alleyway up yonder. So he runs as fast as he can. The streets are completely empty. There's no cars, and it's a little bit chilly, which is weird because it's New Orleans. 1.8s He rounds the corner, he turns the corner, and he sees this cloaked figure standing at the end of the alleyway. There's a brick wall at the end of the alleyway, so it doesn't cut through it anywhere. 1.1s Who are you? He yells. The figure just stands there completely still, and he starts to run. After this figure. 1.6s And he trips over a homeless man. Hey, what the fuck? 1.1s The man starts to yell, but then he gives up and he just goes back to sleep. And when he gets back on his feet, Jade sees that the figure, the cloaked figure is gone. 2.7s Next morning. 3s

U1

I don't know what the fuck is going on here. I don't know what the fuck is going on. 1.8s Jade says he's getting up. 1.1s He's getting dressed. He's getting ready for the day. Phone rings. He picks it up. 

U2

Yeah, 

U1

that's. That's how you answered the phone. Jade? Yeah. 1.6s

U2

Bailey, 

U1

on the other line. 1.3s Are you ready? Are you ready to solve this fucking thing? I feel like today's the day. 

U2

Yeah. 1.9s

U1

He says, okay, I'll meet you down there. And then he. 1.9s

U2

He's brushing his teeth, looking in the mirror, and as he's looking at himself in the mirror. Noticing some grays coming in. His face begins to warp and change and melt, and he starts to freak out. What the fuck? What the fuck? 

U1

What the fuck? And just like that, 1.3s it's gone. And he's staring at himself and he looks normal. 2.8s

U2

Oh, 

U1

God, I fucking hate this town. 1.5s

U2

Say it again. Oh, God, I hate this town. 1.1s And then he's going down the stairs and he's thinking either I'm fucking losing it or there's some black magic bullshit going on here. 1.5s And as he opens the door, he sees Bailey 

U1

is leaning against the the 

U2

car. 1.3s Picking our teeth. 1.4s What the 

U1

fuck happened to you? You look like you've seen death. I feel like I've. I feel like it, he says as he approaches. All right. Well, here's what we got to do. We got to go back to the shop and we get a question. Madame Julia. Again? Again? Yeah. She's not telling us anything. Uh, we also got a warrant to search her whole shop, and we're going to get to the bottom of this fucking thing. All right. Okay, so they climb into the car, they drive across town, and as they're going, Bailey is. 1.3s Singing a song. She's singing a song that's on the radio and. 1.4s Jade is kind of annoyed by her singing because it's not very good and he's hungover and he's hungover. And when they get in front of the shop, they are about to get out of the car when they see that car, that blue Honda with the light out. 

U2

You're obsessed with this car. Yeah. 

U1

And it pulls in front of them and they say, hold on, wait. 

U2

Watch. 

U1

And just like the dream, 1.6s

U2

the guy gets out and he approaches the door, but then he stops 

U1

and he looks right at them. 4.7s

U2

And then he breaks it. 1.3s He runs far. 3.7s Bailey says, I'll take this. 1s Takes off after him, leaving him there. 2.8s He looks into the shop window. 1.1s And there's no one in there. 2.3s So he looks around. Still, it's still quite early. The streets aren't. There isn't. There aren't many people out. And not a lot of the shops are open, including this one. But 1.1s he tries the door handle and sure enough, the the man had managed to unlock it before he booked it. 1.6s He looks both ways again, and then takes his badge out again and puts it on his chest. 1.1s And then he slowly creeps into the shop 1.6s and he starts to look around. He knows he's breaking the law, but he doesn't give a shit. He starts looking through all these cabinets. Um, he looks under the table with the crystal ball, and then he. When he stands up, there's nothing under the table. He hits his head on the table and the ball starts to roll off, and he quickly catches it. And when he touches it, he feels. 1.1s A pulse of energy or something coarse through his body, and he looks at his arm attached to the hand that's touching the crystal ball, and he sees that his hair is completely he's got goosebumps and his hair is completely standing on end. 1s And he looks at the ball and it's got that cloudy. You say purple purple tornado mist in it. 1.9s He places it back on the table and his fingers start to get tingly, like his hand is falling asleep. So he grabs his arm and they start shaking it and he continues looking around the shop, thinking nothing of it. Crazy magic tricks these people have. Um. 3.4s And while he's looking, he hears the door open behind him. Shit, shit. He looks around and he hides under the table. 1.6s He peers out and he sees Madame Julia come into the shop. She places a big purse on the table. And she looks like she takes a deep breath like she does take a deep breath, but she looks like she's just like 1s another day. Fucking take me now. 1.8s Um, she goes over to a coffee machine behind her desk where the register is, and she puts on a Keurig, 1.4s and then she takes out some book, which is some sort of planner or something. She takes a feather pen and starts writing in it. 1.4s At one point, she looks up from the desk and Jade is, like, completely still, as hard as beating really hard in his chest because he thinks that he's made a noise, but she's looking past him through the window, just gazing. Then she goes back to writing, and then she looks around suspicious and reaches under the. The desk. And pulls out a big black leather bound book. 1.3s And Jay can see from his angle from where he is that on the bind on the um. 1.6s What's 

U1

the word? Spine. The spine? Yeah. 

U2

Wow, I'm just shitting. Words out. Not. Not shitting. Words out anyway. On the spine. Exactly. There's my proof. On the spine of this black leather bound book is the same exact pentagram that's on her spine. And that was on the dreamcatcher thing in the rear view mirror. And the tips. The edges of the pages are like golden. 2.3s She takes a different feather pen, 1.2s and she pierces her palm, 1.7s and you can see that she's, like, cringing a little bit from pain. And then she puts her palm over the book and he can see blood dripping out of it onto the page. She closes the book, puts it away, 1.6s and then goes into the back of the shop. 1.7s Jade waits a couple seconds and then it gets out. He goes over, takes the book out and opens it, and it almost immediately opens to the page where she had been looking. One page is splattered blood, and behind the blood is an address. 3.4s For an old school. Now it's an address. Take it. 4.3s Hmm. I was there, I was all there in that one. 3.3s

U1

Jade quickly slips out of the room, slips out of the shop, and he's repeating the address in his head over and over and over. And as he's looking around, he sees Bayley coming back around the corner. She's shaking her head. Didn't get him, chased him for seven blocks, didn't get him. 1.2s And she's winded. She's. 3.9s Just panting. Um. 2.5s And, 1.4s

U2

uh, Jade sort of explains to her what happened. And as they're walking back toward the car, they're looking over their shoulder. And that this ominous purple light kind of fills the 

U1

the shop. And they look at each other. They look at the light like, what the fuck is that? And they continue to get into the car and they start driving towards this address. 4.1s

U2

And it's about an hour outside of the city. They're in swampland now. 2.3s They pull up 1.2s to 1.3s an old. 6.9s Post office. 2.7s The post office is completely like windows broken in dilapidated. The roof is like half missing the door. No door, just no door. 2.3s They hold out their guns now. Well. Bailey pulls out her gun and Jade puts his hand in his pocket to pretend he has a gun because he wants to feel cool, and they go into the post office slowly at first, but then they realize that there's nobody there. A couple rats, maybe cockroaches. 2.9s There's still old letters and paperwork, like coming out of behind the desk, all over the floor and everything. Crates, like there had been some sort of maybe a flood or something that had caused them to abandon the post office. They didn't know. Bailey started taking pictures, and Jade started seeing if he could identify anything on the letters. 1.3s And he stopped. He got cold when he saw, not in his immediate pile, but a little bit further, peeking out from under another pile of letters. Was that pentagram again? Then his fingers started to tingle in his hand, started getting numb again, and he held it. You okay there? Bailey was standing over. Over him now? Uh, yeah, just my hand's been acting weird. 3.2s He points to the pentagram and she goes and picks it up. That's the same pentagram from Madame Julia's shop and from the dreamcatcher. What do you think it means? Fuck if I know. Bailey said there's a lot of weird cult magic shit going on around here. 2.5s And then 1.2s she stops and looks closer at the pentagram symbol and realizes that it's not a stamp, because that's what they thought it was. It's a it's actually blood, a pentagram in blood. And then both of them realized that there's more blood under the piles of letters. Uh, leading away to the back of the post office. They look at each other. Jade gulps and puts his hand further in his pocket. They follow the trail 1.3s out back, which actually goes out behind because like that roof is missing and there's like half a building there. So now they're back outside behind the post office. Um, not far from another swamp. 1.8s Uh. 2.2s And there's a hand sticking out of the water. 5.8s

U1

I had enough of this Timothy Bublé bullshit. Jade said approaching. 

U2

Wow, what a reference. Bailey said. 2s

U1

And together they reach for this hand. This hand that's buried in the swamp. And they 

U2

pull and they 

U1

pull and they pull. And eventually a body comes out. Another body. 1s And they're just confused looking at this strange 1.5s

U2

person, 1.1s this strange man, and they're like, what the fuck? Another clearly another murder. 1.3s

U1

And then. 1.6s

U2

They 1.1s start inspecting the body and they start patting him down and searching for 

U1

clues 

U2

in the sloppiest way, 1.1s and 

U1

Jayde notices that he's holding something, 

U2

so he. 2.2s Sort of prizes. Fingers open, and inside is a piece of paper that has since gotten kind of wet because it was in the swamp, but his hand had protected a little bit, 1.6s and Jade pulls this piece of paper open, starts unfolding it, and he realizes that 

U1

it's a spell. It's a spell 

U2

that sort of. 2.9s

U1

Makes people 1.1s hallucinate. Makes people confused. 1.2s

U2

Makes them? 1.2s Yeah. 1.3s That's the best way to do it. It makes them have these vivid visions. And he's reading this bit of the spell, and he's like, I think that explains a lot. And Bailey says, what? What do you got there? And at first his first thought is to to hide it, to conceal what he'd found. 1.1s

U1

But he doesn't. Instead, he tries to explain to Bailey what's been going on. And he hands her the piece of paper. 2.2s

U2

Hey. What's that? Bailey points back out to the swamp. Jade turns and looks, and then suddenly he feels a bang on the back of his head and he goes black when he comes to. 1.3s He's in a church, an old church, falling apart just like the post office was. But he can see that. This moonlight above. It's nighttime and the moonlight is lighting up the church just enough that it's giving it this ominous vibe. 1.1s He shakes his head. He's got a massive headache. Did I drink again last night? Probably. Ah. And then he looks to his arms and he sees that 1.5s his arms are pinned like nailed to a cross. He is above the pew, above the church. Words. 2s And he's looking out, and he notices the same cloaked figure from what he thought was a dream. Standing at the end of the aisle 1.2s at the entrance to the church. 2.2s And the cloaked figure puts the hand over its hood, pushes the hood off of its head, revealing Bailey. 2.2s And it's got a she has a pentagram necklace. The same pentagram. 1.2s She's glaring at him. And then he hears movement off to his side and sees the man whose name we forgot coming out. He's got a chicken. 1.7s And then we see, um. 4.5s Nope. That's it. That's all we see. They both approach him. Take it. 5.7s

U1

They stand before him. 1.3s Holding the chicken that's still kicking and still clucking and still. And 

U2

Bailey opens a different book. Not not quite the same book, but it looks eerily similar. And she begins chanting as the black as the black 

U1

book. Yeah. As that. And she begins chanting something in this weird language. 2.7s And she. 2.1s

U2

And as as she's chanting this repetitive spell in a different language, the chicken suddenly just stops moving. It isn't quite dead, but it's in a in a daze. It's kind of just all of its muscles have relaxed and it just gone limp and. 1s

U1

As she's doing this. 

U2

The man 1.7s

U1

slits the chicken's throat, spewing blood everywhere. 

U2

I wanted Jade's face 

U1

onto Jade, onto the floor, onto everything. And as. 1.8s They're chanting. I just had an idea. The the script on the page, on the pages of this book begin to glow. 2.3s

U2

What was, um, his buddy cop's name? Bull. 

U1

Yeah. Bull and Jade. 1.9s

U2

The hell's going on here? Jade said the. Wait. What's glowing? The 

U1

pages. The pages script on the pages are 

U2

glowing so bright now that it's blinding, he's got to, like, close his eyes. You can feel that his hands are numb and the pain coursing through his whole body. Now, 1.4s uh. Let me down. What are you doing? We needed a man to do our bidding. 1.7s Someone who was dumb enough and, um, vulnerable enough. To 1.1s help us with our cause to bring about. Lord Satan, 1.9s you were weak and your daughter. 2.1s As special links to witchcraft. This I think you know. Jade shook his head. No, you don't touch my daughter. Oh no, we don't need your daughter. You're all we need. You are. The last missing is a gunshot. And Bailey. 1.4s Looks up to Jade. 1.6s And then down at the book and then back up to Jade, and then she just collapses. And behind her is bull with his gun. Fuck you. Bull says the man with no name. His eyes widen and he just tosses the chicken aside and it hits Jade in the face. What the fuck, man? And he starts to run out the back. And Jade, I mean a bull, just points his gun. 2s He falls to the ground as well. And then bull looks up at him and says, hey old pal bull, you're a sight for sore eyes. 1s And then there's another gunshot. 1.3s And behind bull is Madam Julia. 1.2s But this time she's not a good aim. So it's just kind of like in his back. Didn't he get shot in the first story too? Probably. Anyway. Take it. 1.5s Bull 

U1

screams and agony rolls on the ground. But he's not dead. He rolls like an action hero, spins around, takes aim at madam. Julia, shoots Mrs.. 2.3s Adam. Julia Ames again starts 

U2

shooting lightning bolts. No aims again. Click. 

U1

The gun is out of bullets. 2.4s We've got you now. Paul says as he gets to his feet, blood trickling behind him, and he goes over to the old woman, grabs her, disarms her, throws the gun across the room and drags her in front of 

U2

Jade. 

U1

And he says, explain yourself. And he puts the gun to her head. Explain yourself now. Very, very professional as a cop, by the way. 1.2s And 

U2

she begins to assume he was retired. He's like a vigilante now. 

U1

She begins to squeal. 1.4s

U2

Ah. I mean, uh, Bailey already pretty much said it, but 1s I never wanted to be a part of this. I was just doing my fake tarot readings, and then I was brought into this. I didn't even really fully understand the extent of it. I didn't even believe in the magic until 1.1s those pages started to glow. 2.4s Can you guys let me down? Jade says so, uh. 3.7s The end. 2s There you go. 1.4s

U1

So, uh. The end. 1.5s

U2

Perfect. Now let's find out who Madam Julia really is. Rips her head off. Oh, I guess she really 

U1

likes Scooby Doo mystery. 1s