Christmas Special, Part 1: Trouble On Candy Cane Lane [crime, fantasy]

Part 1 of our tale from the North Pole on Candy Cane Lane, where hardened elf detective, Nichi, alongside his annoyingly over spirited partner, Snori Jingle Jarr, investigate a murder that leads them right up to the storefront of a Jimminy Jolly James.

Become a subscriber today @ the official 8Sparks Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/8SparksMedia

We would like to thank KC Johnston from the Storytale Podcast @
https://www.facebook.com/KCJohnstonCreates/
And on Spotify.

Jeph Balesdent from the Evenings With Jeph From Frail podcast, on Facebook @
https://www.facebook.com/eveningswithjeph/?__tn__=%2Cd%2CP-R&eid=ARCNNs95Q-UIfpn9akzpYTaOF6Ua6yfC8RY_9zYQ7HUafr9hOtKIxnuh6okw55s8ke6syPViWvuENK6C
On Apple @
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/evenings-with-jeph-from-frail/id1482172295
And on most other podcasting platforms

Derrick Spruill of VR with Derky Sprawl & 4Sake Media @
https://www.facebook.com/4sakemedia/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdLs4EnpN7FWPRIl-LsyA8A
https://www.facebook.com/Derkysprawl/

Keith Talbot of KT - Art and Photography @
https://www.facebook.com/KTArtAndPhotography/

And of course, Clarence's literary works and updates can be found on Facebook @
https://www.clarencecarterauthor.com/
And his books, including his newest No Honor Among Thieves can be purchased and read from Amazon @
https://www.amazon.com/Honor-Among-Thieves-Clarence-Carter/dp/1671794001/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Clarence+Carter+No+Honor+Among+Thieves&qid=1577404883&sr=8-1

Transcript

christmas-special-part-1-trouble-on-candy-cane-lane-crime-fantasy

 U1 

 0:00 

 3s It was a podcast. 3s It is the coolest podcast. 4s He called it the writer's block. 5s It was a podcast. 3s Some might say. 3s Time. 2s Spark. 2s All right. We are back with a Christmas special. Although it is not even Thanksgiving yet, which probably pisses you off even more, 

 U2 

 0:41 

 but I understand that it's going to get trickier and trickier to do the closer we get to Christmas. 

 U1 

 0:47 

 Yes. So I floated the idea to Clarence. Uh, somewhere in the middle of the season. That is over by now. If you're listening, I assume you're listening. And not just having this on in the background on mute. But if you are, I. Kudos to you. I guess that's a way to listen to a podcast. Now 

 U2 

 1:06 

 just get the numbers up. But, uh, we are doing a Christmas special. We have some ideas already for the story. It's, as usual, going to be ridiculous. And I've floated the idea to Clarence, especially because Clarence does not like the Christmas season. He is a Grinch, I am. 

 U1 

 1:26 

 He is an angry elf. I 

 U2 

 1:29 

 am very angry. Yes. 

 U1 

 1:31 

 Uh, but I love Christmas. I'm basically Buddy the Elf. Um. And I am not ashamed of that. So we're going to try to work that into the story somehow. Um, okay. Well, let me clarify some of it, at least just to, uh, when I was a kid, I didn't hate Christmas, I loved Christmas. Um, 1s it wasn't until I was an adult and even a later adult that I started to really despise Christmas. And it's not because of religion or anything like that. It's because Christmas has become so corrupt and so messy. Like it's no longer one day it's it's like three months and it's exhausting. Yeah. 

 U2 

 2:14 

 And I hate the term the Christmas spirit because it's the exact opposite. Like if you work in retail, you understand that people are fucking assholes. Yeah. Especially around that time of year. It it gets brutal. 

 U1 

 2:26 

 Uh, just center a little bit more. Okay. I don't know if it's just my angle. 1s Uh, yeah. Uh, well, I've never worked in retail, per se. I've been a plumber most of my life. Right. So, 1s yeah, retail is awful. I guess maybe that 

 U2 

 2:42 

 holiday explains why I'm still happy about. Yeah, the Christmas season. So imagine this for the first, for the 2 or 3 weeks leading up to Christmas, your lines are like 25 deep. Everybody's an asshole. You can't put things on the shelf. You can't even walk away from the register to do anything. And you have people just yelling at you, complaining, oh, you ran out of this all. You ran out of that, and there's nothing you can do. Nothing. It's just the most helpless feeling. And it's exhausting. I think it's weird that that atmosphere still exists when we have the internet. Like, don't you have Amazon? Just you should have pre-ordered your stuff already. Why would you wait till last minute when you can literally just click a button? You do it all year for yourself. You might as well do it for other people. That's what I think. Yeah. Um, so this negative spirit sort of infiltrated my family Christmas for as long as I can remember. Uh, my grandmother would have, like, the whole family over, and we have a pretty big family on my dad's side. Yeah, um, I don't know if that's just because we're Italian and that's an Italian thing. I don't know, I don't know if I know any other Italians. Maybe one, but. Well, you know us Italian, main Italian, but we still eat lasagna. 2s Um, but we we'd have Christmas every year, and I would look forward to that obviously for the presents. But then, like in my early 20s, it started becoming stressful for the adults. I don't know, the economy probably has something to do with that, but people just didn't look forward to buying things for people and for other people. Um. 1s And it feels like people have less imagination when it comes to buying gifts. And so I tried to for a couple of years, I would instead. So what happens is we'd meet up for Thanksgiving, we'd have a Thanksgiving Day, and then we'd have Christmas Day, um, or Christmas Eve for Thanksgiving. The whole the kids pick names out of a hat and then we have to buy. We don't reveal it until Christmas, and we buy that person a present Secret Santa. And we 

 U1 

 4:49 

 have like a limit for how much we spend. So people. Yeah, basically. And then the adults pick out of a hat and we did that for the longest time. And people basically just started. Now it's it's literally just people giving out gift cards. And that's kind of funny because people buy some ridiculous gift cards and we like bid for the gift cards after everybody wins. But everybody usually only wants the same gift card. Some people, like get gift cards for restaurants that aren't even in Maine, like Long John Silver's 

 U2 

 5:19 

 Red lobster. 

 U1 

 5:20 

 Yeah, exactly. 

 U2 

 5:22 

 Um, it's the most ironic thing ever, isn't it? There isn't a Red lobster in Maine. 

 U1 

 5:26 

 Yeah, but we have lobster at McDonald's, so if you're listening and you're not from Maine, it's actually pretty good, too. I'm pretty impressed with, um, McDonald's inclusion of local foods because they do. Uh, when I went to Scotland, their French fries are made from the the potatoes. They're in Scotland, so they work with local 

 U2 

 5:47 

 farmers. Good potatoes. Or at 

 U1 

 5:49 

 least their image makes them look like they work well with local farmers. So kudos to them for that. Yeah. Um, but yeah. So we buy each other presents, but now it's just gift cards. And what I try to do for a while was buy cousins or whoever. I was getting ridiculous gifts. Yeah. Uh, and I was even going beyond the spending limit just to get the most ridiculous 

 U2 

 6:08 

 gift just over the 

 U1 

 6:10 

 top. And people for 2 or 3 years, people came to it seemed to come to expect my ridiculous gifts like, oh, I hope I don't get Sean's gift. Um, so I bought my cousin Ellie, uh, blow up doll house, and I blew it up and had it placed on the porch right outside of the living room where we did the gathering. And then when she discovered that, we made her, like, crawl inside of it, she was, like, 23 and took a picture of her. And then I bought, like, my uncle, a really bright giant spotlight thing. Um. 1s I bought, uh, my. Maybe I shouldn't say this about my cousin, uh, Chris some weed, and I put it in a card box. I gave that to him outside the family living room, so I don't think my grandmother's listening. 1s Um, but, yeah, that's that. That's the spirit to me. It's not about getting people what they want. It's more about just being there and having fun with friends or family. It doesn't have to be family. Your friends can be your family. Yeah. Friendsgiving. I've had that with friends too. Yeah. And to me, that's what it's 

 U2 

 7:22 

 about. I'm trying not to be as grinchy this year as I have been in the years past, but we're still a month out and I'm like really dreading it. Like, really just it's draining me already and we haven't even begun. 

 U1 

 7:37 

 Yeah, well, and my other solution this year is to save money by working my designs into it and trying to 3D print gifts for people. And I told you I got the resin printer on the way. So if you're following eight sparks media slash eight sparks printed, we are now doing resin prints, which is about as fine equality as you can get on a 3D print, so I'm pretty excited about that. That's 

 U2 

 8:01 

 pretty cool. I saw basically 

 U1 

 8:02 

 it's the mini, the werewolf that we did for the giveaway. It's that quality. Yeah, 

 U2 

 8:07 

 I was gonna say I saw the, uh, the sculpt. What's his name did, uh, 

 U1 

 8:10 

 Keith. Oh, yeah. The the I think that was Cthulhu. 

 U2 

 8:13 

 Yeah, the I know I didn't know what to call it, but yeah. Yeah. Freaking amazing. 

 U1 

 8:18 

 He did an elder one as well. I 

 U2 

 8:20 

 said, what's his name? I feel bad it's not that I don't know. 

 U1 

 8:23 

 Talbott. Katie Dash, art and photography. We're. Oh, now that we mentioned it, we're going to bring in the links. 

 U2 

 8:29 

 I do know who he is. I just couldn't remember his name right off the top of my head. Um, Keith. Super talented artist. Yeah. Bring in the 

 U1 

 8:36 

 links. So, um, well, we've we've posted and talked about the people we've already worked with. Uh, but we've met some new people in recent weeks. We've taken like two weeks off and, like, things have started to skyrocket all of a sudden. Um, and that's actually what we wanted to talk about. Sorry. I just made it all about Christmas. That's okay. And it's not even Christmas. Nope. Uh, or Thanksgiving. Uh, but I wrote this down so I wouldn't forget, uh, shout out to Jeff from evenings with Jeff from frail, with a pH. With Jeff. Jeff evenings with Jeff from frail. You can find him on Facebook Buzzsprout Spotify. Those are the platforms I use him on, but he's on Buzzsprout, so he's on all the other podcasting platforms like we are as well. Um, he has shared two of his read. Him and his significant other, his partner have read two of your 

 U2 

 9:33 

 stories. Two of my stories. I don't know if you 

 U1 

 9:34 

 have anything to say about that, but I for one, I think Voodoo Princess in particular was a damn good story and a damn good reading too. He made it like creepy sounding. It worked really well with the story, 

 U2 

 9:47 

 the the idea because, all right, we're gonna have to go backwards to tell this, um, 

 U1 

 9:53 

 Tarantino it Tarantino it. Yeah. You were talking to him, or you had gone into the comments of his in the the Buzzsprout Buzzsprout community. Yeah. Which I had nothing to do with at the time. And you just tag me in this thing. You couldn't even see it. I couldn't even do. I couldn't I couldn't even see it. I had to join the group to see the post. Anyway, he was looking for submissions for short stories and well, being a writer with 30 odd unpublished stories sitting around on my computer, I was like, I'll give it a try. And worst case scenario, he'll reject it. So I sent him one and he's like, love it. Absolutely in love with it. Gonna do it. So his wife narrated the first one right and it was called The Portal. Did a great job with it, loved it, sounded great. And I was like, okay, well, I'll just send him a second one. He'll probably reject it. Yeah, we won't even think about it, you know? Okay. One one and done two weeks in a row, right. Yeah, 

 U2 

 10:49 

 yeah. So I sent him the second one, which was voodoo Princess and he did that one too. So episode seven and eight are mine. But you don't have to. Just listen to me. Go back. Go back in his backlog and listen to him. Uh, and I agree, voodoo Princess came out. 1s It's creepy. It came out just sort of the way I had it in mind. Yeah, like the narration in my head. He did a really good job at encapsulating my thoughts and 1s the, uh, what am I looking for? The, uh, the feel, the atmosphere of the story. 

 U1 

 11:22 

 I, I don't want to get into, like, exaggerations or anything, but honestly, I think that's one of my favorite stories of yours. Yeah. At up to this point, um, I was completely shocked at. I don't want to give it away, though. The pinky part will just say, and you did a really good job, uh, with the the voodoo dolls themselves. Yeah. Um, yeah. Just even thinking about the story and because. So I was sitting down just playing some Diddy Kong racing on the Nintendo 64, and I had the phone on my chest. So I was listening to Jeff. He goes through his normal. So it has like an his podcast has like a is the word Asmr. It has an Asmr feel with like the quiet sounds. Yeah. Um, um, and it's all about relaxing before you before you read. Yeah. He has a relaxation segment that's which I think is really cool. Unique. Yeah. Um, I personally have to either skip past that part or just not focus on it, because if I follow that to a tee personally, I will doze off. I can't even, like, read an actual book, like in my hands without falling asleep. Um, I drive while I listen to podcasts and audiobooks, but I like that format. I think he's got something going with that. And and I think it worked really well with your story, ironically, because it comes out of nowhere and he's just being so calm with his voice, and then all of a sudden crazy shit starts to happen and he's still calm, and it's almost like he's reading the story through the perspective of the killers, not the killers that nobody gets. I want. 

 U2 

 13:05 

 The traffic jam. The bad guys. The antagonists. Antagonists? Yeah. 

 U1 

 13:10 

 The ants. Um, 1s so I'm super excited about it. Uh, if you haven't checked it out yet, I hope you do. Um, the portal seven and eight, right? Yeah, seven and eight. Uh, the portal came out really good. Jen Hickey. Jen Hickey did it. Um, 

 U2 

 13:31 

 and for, you know, being still new to the podcast game, they're they're doing great. 

 U1 

 13:37 

 Yeah. I like the, the opening song as well that if I remember correctly, in the first episode, he says that that was made on the off the cuff, like completely improvised. So in a way, he's got the spirit of our podcast going as well. Yeah. And he's been kind and mentioning us. Both of us. Yeah. And Ed Sparks. 

 U2 

 13:54 

 So, uh, thanks a lot, Jeff. Yeah. Thank you. Everybody check out evenings with Jeff from frail. And 

 U1 

 13:59 

 by now he will have wrapped his first season two. Yeah. As well I 

 U2 

 14:03 

 think. And I tried uh, I gotta admit it, I tried for the ninth episode, too. I tried I don't think it's gonna happen, 

 U1 

 14:10 

 but you'll have more on the shelf. He'll. He'll have more to 

 U2 

 14:12 

 pick from. Yeah. That's what that's literally what he said. He said, uh, he likes my stories, but I don't think I'm going to get the ninth one. But 

 U1 

 14:19 

 I just submitted my own as well. So I was like, hey, well, oh as well. Of course, I looked at the date and I told you this and it's a, it's one from 2011. Yeah. Because I've well, if you've been following, you know, I've been I've focused more on like scripts and mixed media stuff. It's not straight novel story writing. 

 U2 

 14:37 

 That's more my field. Yeah. I focus on not so much scripts, but mostly novels. And you're working on a script? Yes. I eventually will have a movie someday. Um, movie 

 U1 

 14:47 

 script. So I submitted a fantasy story. I haven't heard back from him. Hopefully he likes it. Um, and 

 U2 

 14:55 

 I've never read that one. 

 U1 

 14:56 

 I thought you had. So I'll just. If it gets if he accepts it, I'll just let him read it and see what you think of 

 U2 

 15:03 

 it. Um, I read that one. Uh, but it was sci fi. It was like super sci fi. 

 U1 

 15:09 

 Oh, my, uh, seed stories. 

 U2 

 15:11 

 Yeah. The seed. Yeah. I can't find 

 U1 

 15:12 

 the second one. Did I share you the second one about? Yes, I did. If you have the link, please send it back to me. So I wrote, uh, two stories, and I don't think I still have the link, a planned anthology about artificial intelligence. And the second one was about a starving artist who was using, uh, his Google Home, basically called the seed to assist him in his writing. And then he goes crazy. And I can't find that story, though. I'm so pissed. I liked it better than the first one. Um, so yeah. Thank you, Jeff, for sharing Clarence's story and for supporting the writer's block. And we're going to have him on, uh, we're thinking episode five of the second season. Um, and we've talked about season three, believe it or not, today. So. So yeah, we'll see. Um, real quick before I forget, because I keep trailing off, I want to give a shout out to Derek Sproule. I think I'm pronouncing his name right. Yeah. Um, I 

 U2 

 16:07 

 was worried about, uh, about saying Jeff's last name because I don't think I can say it 

 U1 

 16:11 

 right. I was worried about him saying my last name. Yeah. So thank you also, Jeff, for twice pronouncing my last name right on your podcast. 

 U2 

 16:19 

 Oh. Anyway. Uh, Sproule. Yes. Uh, so he does Durkee sprawl, uh, VR with Durkee sprawl officially. And it's basically kind of what I'm trying to do. Uh, he has been focusing more on. Real life IRL in real life or lame old reality as we called it on VR adventures. He just got a new camera. He's focusing on cinematography, basically, and he just did a commercial for a local, uh, shop. Um, and that's cool. Officially, it's it's Durkee Sprawl, and he's probably annoyed that I keep mentioning his. He does like a Twinkie character. It's, um, 1s uh, 1s snack cake. He calls them snack cake. And that's how I met him. Uh, because he was doing a live VR chat in an app called Mind Show. And they have, like, preset characters that you can use. And so what it is, is you're the character and you move around in, the character just moves around with you. When you talk, the mouth opens. So you can set up cameras within the virtual world. And he had a live stream going with the camera on him as the snack cake, and he was like, pretending to type on his computer in the app while answering Facebook questions. And I got on the chat and I was like, hey, this is pretty funny. And he refused to pronounce my last name because he didn't 

 U1 

 17:44 

 know how to pronounce it. Just skip right over it. And that's how we met, basically. Nice. Um, and ever since then, he he hasn't been on VR adventures yet, unfortunately. Um, but hopefully he will be. And he's done some graphics for me. He did the pixel painters intro graphic. He did. He did a he didn't officially finish the VR talk show, but I just sent him the performance for my song Stubborn Soul. Yeah. And so I'm going to be lame old reality me interviewed by his VR character for a clip that should be all posted on the page, right? Um, but officially now he's working with Forsake Media, which is the number four. Stake. Psaki. Media. And he's on Facebook. Um, I don't know his YouTube link. I don't know if he has a YouTube yet, but I don't know. We will share it. If so, either way, we'll share all these links. Shout 

 U2 

 18:43 

 out to, uh, Casey Johnston in the odd portal, 

 U1 

 18:46 

 who was well, he was on the last 

 U2 

 18:48 

 episode. Yeah, but we still got to throw him. If you guys aren't following him on Facebook, you absolutely should be. Every time I repost this link, I try to say something like, oh, he's entertaining. Oh, he's funny because he is. Yeah. And if you guys listen to 

 U1 

 19:00 

 episode, all you have to do is hit play. And it's pretty self-explanatory. His voices are great. 

 U2 

 19:03 

 Listen to episode ten. You're gonna fucking laugh your ass off. It's great. Yeah. Um, and apparently Hux apparently at some point during episode ten, I said something about him having fans or him and I don't remember it, which is not that uncommon for me. I don't remember anything. So he's brought it up like three times since then. Those drugs clearance I know can't afford him anyway. Uh, so like three times now he's brought it up and he's he's always like, I don't have fans, I have friends. And I'm like, I don't even remember saying fans, but okay, all right. You got you got followers. Yeah. They're all friends. And it's fans is a weird way to look at it. I agree, um, the idea of getting fan mail is still it's only happened to me a couple times, but it is still very bizarre. Yeah. Which I actually just sent you a piece yesterday. That email. Yes. Yeah, I 

 U1 

 19:58 

 loved it. Yeah. Yeah, it was great. Well, that's something you do regularly on your page anyway. Well, not fan mail. I guess. You get your rejection. That's not fan mail. Rejection isn't 

 U2 

 20:08 

 definitely not. It's a positive 

 U1 

 20:09 

 way to look at it, though. Yeah. Oh, look at this angry fan mail. 1s These guys 

 U2 

 20:15 

 hate me. The whole collection of them. 1s Um, there's something else that I wanted. Oh, uh, Wolfgang Domino has another anthology coming out. Uh, 

 U1 

 20:26 

 yeah, that guy's killing 

 U2 

 20:27 

 it. That guy is fucking killing it. He just landed a website gig two weeks ago, I think. He has a story on a website called Tri Quinn. It's called My Step Sister, the BW. Oh, geez. Yep. He's he gets a little weird. I like it. Um, so the anthology coming out is called In the City. I don't have an exact date. Uh, it's one of those things. We're just gonna have to wait and find out, because the publishing company takes time. And I have a anthology that's supposed to come out next month, which we brought it up once before in previous episodes, and it's still not out yet, but, uh, hopefully by the time you guys are listening to 

 U1 

 21:08 

 this, Carter has a. Yeah. 

 U2 

 21:10 

 Nice. I have a it'll be called Stories Inked in Gray. Oh, okay. Yep. And, uh, I just got a message a couple of days ago. They're like, we have the cover. We're going over the last edits. We don't have an exact release date yet, but. So I'm super excited about that. Congratulations. Thanks. Uh, shit's been going crazy. Uh, what can I say 

 U1 

 21:34 

 for both of us? Uh, yeah. One last thing I wanted to mention is, uh, my album is about to drop. Yes. Verse 

 U2 

 21:40 

 30. It might. 

 U1 

 21:41 

 It probably won't be out by the time this airs if we air this before Christmas. Um, because I did kind of wait till the last minute to get the the final mixes. Shout out to Adam Rowe while we're shouting people's people out. Uh, from Pig Ball Studios. Uh, he mixed my last album, chapter 23, which isn't yet on Spotify, but it is on Bandcamp. Um, if people are interested, I'll share that. I know it doesn't have anything to do with stories, though. That is the first album where I have a bonus track that I wrote. Uh, sort of a I call it story raps and 

 U2 

 22:16 

 oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 

 U1 

 22:17 

 Because, you know, most of my rap is is very personal. It's just a way for me to vent if I'm angry or sad, it's it's good for me to get feelings out. That's sort of 

 U2 

 22:27 

 how I handle stories, too. 

 U1 

 22:28 

 Yeah. Um. But I'm starting with this last album, which is also personal. I have another song called Space Opera one, and it's the first I have two written. Um, and I'm it sounds silly, but I'm writing story raps and I want to write like full songs would be chapters on an album, which would have a continuous theme of. And I wouldn't be the first to do that, but I do want to focus it in a new way if I can. Um, so my new album, verse 30. Long story short, and it's you're hearing this here first is actually just part one of a two part album. Um, and my I wanted to address because I've been thinking about it. Maybe no one cares, but I have posted most of these songs already on SoundCloud and they are fairly short. They're like a minute to a minute in 30s long, which is uncommon for me, and I did that on purpose because I was growing frustrated with. I think I heard it on a podcast recently, uh, where they were discussing how song lengths have shortened by like a full minute since the 50s. Yeah. 

 U2 

 23:33 

 Um, isn't it have to do with air time or something? It's. 

 U1 

 23:36 

 I don't know what it has to do with 

 U2 

 23:38 

 really. Commercials have taken over the airwaves, so they have to reduce the. 

 U1 

 23:42 

 Yeah, and streaming the streaming app environment makes it so that you really have to capture someone's attention, and then you want them to replay your song because you don't make a lot of money streaming. You make a lot of money streaming your song a lot of times. So if you like an artist, especially locally, and you want to really support them, even if you don't buy the CD, which I still buy CDs, um, put them on, make a playlist and put them on that playlist and make sure that you give them like maybe once a week, even of airtime with your in your car or headphones. However you listen to music, because the more streams that the artist gets, at least on Spotify and I assume tidal, which is like the high quality one that Jay-Z does, the more the more money they get. And you can you can argue that, oh well, they should just be happy to just do it because they love it. But I mean, we're all artists, writers, musicians. We're all in the same boat. We want to be able to give you quality stuff, and we need to get paid to do it. We like to give stuff out. But to an extent, you know, we we need to make money, 

 U2 

 24:48 

 right? Um, I actually have something to add to that. 1s Um, same thing with writers. Like it's not just enough to go and buy a book. I mean, that is great, don't get me wrong. And every writer gets a kick of that depending on, you know, who, who published it and where it comes from, depending on how much they make but irrelevant. The idea is that you need to write a review. Yeah, and I'm not saying you have to write a good review just because you like the writer write an honest review. And for Amazon specifically, it highlights the writers that get more than 50 reviews. 

 U1 

 25:23 

 Okay, I didn't know that. 

 U2 

 25:25 

 So like, if it if it's new and it gets a lot of reviews really fast, it'll make their like newsletter. It'll make the front, the front, uh, new release pages for. I feel bad I 

 U1 

 25:35 

 haven't written you any reviews. That's 

 U2 

 25:36 

 okay. Um, you still got time. No one is coming out soon. Yeah, which is my last announcement. Uh, I'm hoping about two weeks, but it's hard to say. Anything could still go wrong. That's it for me. All right? 

 U1 

 25:50 

 Yeah, I think that's it for me, too. Uh, I don't have any official links yet because my album's not on Spotify, but, uh, we will post this all on the page we're going to after this episode. There's going to be a short break. I, I think that we'll probably have a week or two between this and the final episode. Two, so you're probably used to breaks, but hopefully you haven't forgotten. Forgotten about us by now. I hope we covered everybody. If we didn't for shout outs, we still appreciate you. We just have a lot going on. 

 U2 

 26:19 

 Yeah, we'll, uh, we'll do another giveaway to yes. When when No Honor comes out. Whatever it is, two weeks, three weeks. We'll do a giveaway for 

 U1 

 26:27 

 that. That and we we 1s hopefully if I get off my ass, we'll have more merch, 3D printed merch, prints from, uh, Keith Talbot books, extra stories. We have a Patreon, uh, which is the writer's block official. And by now I'm thinking of changing the official name to the Writer's Block Podcast, because we are sort of. I won't get into that. There are other writers blocks podcasts that we hadn't realized they're no longer in existence, but they are there, so we don't want people to confuse us with them. Right? But okay, now that we're done babbling, 

 U2 

 27:06 

 let's get into the story. Yes. 

 U1 

 27:08 

 All right, uh, where's our coin? Damn it, 

 U2 

 27:10 

 we had a coin. You can take it. No, no, no, 

 U1 

 27:12 

 we're gonna do the. We're back to the coin tosses. I don't have it. Hold on, hold on a minute. Now flip it. Cheers. 

 U2 

 27:18 

 You filthy son of a. 

 U1 

 27:23 

 Clarence is getting into character. He is 

 U2 

 27:25 

 Nietzsche. Driving myself nuts. Heads or tails? 1s Tails. 3s Look at that. You actually caught it and didn't land another story in the dark side hall crap. 2s All right, once upon a time, in the cold, wintry place of the North Pole. 1s Named Nietzsche, but not a man. An elf named Nietzsche was sitting at home, staring out the window as the snow fell when the phone rang. Hello? Who is this? This is your boss speaking. What do you want? Boss, I'd like you to come to my office really fast. I need you like now are all right. But I was in the middle of something. Nietzsche runs and he goes outside and he hops on a snowmobile and he rips ass to the boss's house. He walks up to the man in Red's house, which is a mansion much bigger and heftier than all the other elven houses that surround it. And he walks up and he hits the doorbell and a servant opens the door. Good day sir. The servant says and lets him inside the house. And Nietzsche walks in and he sits in front of the boss and he says, what is it that you need from me, boss? And the man in red says, I need you to solve this murder. 

 U1 

 28:40 

 Well, what are you paying? Nietzsche says, rolling a cigar in his hands as he enjoyed smoking cigars often. Well, there has been a murder. And as you know, there has never been a murder in the North Pole. So this is the first murder ever in the North Pole. It is. It is very unsettling, the fat man in the red suit said. And we need to get to the bottom of this before the Christmas season begins. Nietzsche tried to hide a facial expression of disgust, as it was no secret that Nietzsche the elf, despised Christmas for as long as he could remember. Christmas was the bane of his existence. For as long as he would remember. As he could remember, he would lock himself up in his office down on Candy Cane Lane and spray paint the windows black so that nobody could look in and stock up on candy canes and and spiked eggnog and gingerbread cookies and binge while watching reruns of I Love Lucy, elven style, because he hated Christmas so, and he had no family or friends to share it with. He was a bitter little elf, so you'd be on your way now and solve this little mystery, for Santa has got a lot of presents to wrap. Haha, okay, Nietzsche said as he walked out the door into the cold winter North Pole night. Though in his heart he resented the fat man in red because he knew that the man had never wrapped a present in his entire life. In fact, he knew that all of the presents were wrapped by slave elves who were paid below, far, far below minimum wage, which didn't even exist in the North Pole, so it was just practically nothing. He paid him in candy canes to keep them going, because the sugar from the cane kept them addicted and spiked, and was cheaper than the cost of actually paying for the labor that was needed to wrap presents. For all the greedy little boys and girls around the world, he thought to himself. Humph, he said as he kicked them. A snowball that a young elf from across the street had just thrown his way. Why don't you fucking shove that snowball up your ass, you little ingrate! He said the kid ran away screaming, wanting his mommy. 

 U2 

 31:09 

 Ah, I don't want to do another freaking case. I'm tired of doing cases. They're awful. Solving murders and bank robberies and all this shit. Ah, I gotta get out of this business. So Nietzsche pulls out his cell phone and he calls his partner Snorri. Look, man, I can't afford to bring you in. But if you work for free for now and I'll pay you later. I really need your help on this. Uh, I don't I don't know what to tell you. I need you, I, I need to, I need to pay the bills, man, I got kids. Ah, fuck your kids. Are you gonna help me or not? All right. You promise you'll pay me by the end of the month? Fine. I'll pay you by the end of the month. Whatever. Just get over here. Snorri and Nietzsche meet in Town Square, where the murder took place. There isn't a body, but there's an outline drawn in the snow. And there's blood. Snorri brings his camera, and he snaps pictures of the position that the body had been in his 

 U1 

 32:01 

 elven camera, his tiny elven 

 U2 

 32:03 

 camera, his tiny camera crafted 

 U1 

 32:05 

 from the tiny hands of migrant pocket trolls. 

 U2 

 32:08 

 I think we can solve this case. Or what? Snorri snaps a picture, and then he says, yeah, I think we could figure it out. But I've got a problem. I need the money and I need it soon. I owe some dangerous people some money. I put a big ah 

 U1 

 32:23 

 no, ah, no, you've you've brought Snorri down too far. 

 U2 

 32:28 

 What? That was a perfect. Of course we can do it, Snorri said with his usually cheery attitude. Snorri was annoying. Snorri jingle jar was his full name, and it was not lost on Nietzsche that his last name was especially jarring to Snorri, who notoriously loved Christmas so much that he would attempt to decorate the office every single year to Nietzsche's despise. And Snorri was so obsessed with Christmas and the old spirit and I say old spirit, because the North Pole hadn't been quite the same for some time, even though there hadn't been a murder. The old spirit of Christmas had long since waned from the frosty world of the North Pole. Elves had lost their way, and the the fat man in red business had been going down, especially ever since iPads and cellular phones became popular amongst the little boys and girls around the world. It seemed that kids just didn't want fun, unique toys anymore. All they wanted to do was stare at screens. And of course, the fat man in red and elves had no idea how to build electronic shit like that. That was up to the Mega Lords and Silicon Valley, who had been stealing the percentage of Christmas sales for so long now that the fat Men in Red began to think that maybe this was Armageddon for the North Pole. But this year was going to be different, for the fat man in red had sent a polar abominable snowman friend of his down into Silicon Valley to steal the plans of the Silicon Valley Mega Lords to build the ultimate tablet. And he was planning on having his slave elves build the next generation electronic tablet thingamabob to make all kids worldwide addicted for eons to come. And he would revive his business in the North Pole with. 1s Thrive. Thrive. I was thinking throb and 

 U1 

 34:31 

 the North Pole would throb for eons to come. 

 U2 

 34:35 

 Did you get all the pictures, you pint sized douche? Nietzsche said to his partner. Yeah, I got him. All right, well, here's what we got to do. Nietzsche. We got to walk around and we got to interview. It's Nietzsche, Nietzsche, Nietzsche. 

 U1 

 34:47 

 You fancy. Fuck 

 U2 

 34:49 

 me. Nietzsche. 1s All right, here's what we got to do. Nietzsche. We got to walk around the perimeter, and we got to knock on doors and see if there's any witnesses. You don't tell me how to do my job. I've been a detective since before you are born, douche. The two of them began knocking on doors around Town Square. And it turns out that a little boy who was a little elven boy who was building a snowman, had seen the whole thing. Yeah, Mister, I know what happened. I saw all of them. There was a big guy with black hair. He looked real mean, and he shot the other guy. And the big red man came and took the body away. Well, what do you know? Do you have anything other than dark hair? Ah, mister, I just told you everything. I know I'm only ten. Very useful, you little douche. Nietzsche walks around and he thinks deeply about the murder that taken place in Town Square, and he wondered how nobody had seen it. It was the middle of the daytime. There were tons of people around, but yet everybody seemed to forget. And he thought maybe they didn't forget. Maybe they didn't see it because they didn't want to see it. There was somebody in the North Pole that had enough power to make everybody look the other way. 

 U1 

 35:55 

 Meanwhile, over in the outskirts of the North Pole. Oh, man, I swear, I don't know anything. Please, please let me go, the young elf screamed, hanging upside down over the narwhal pool. Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say, Danny, elven toes muttered as his henchman lowered the rope so that the young elf was lowered closer towards the narwhal pool. 

 U2 

 36:19 

 I swear I don't know who stole the funds from your racketeer, Danny elven toes stood at the lip of the narwhal pool, looking down, thinking about how many people he'd sunk into the pool before. It had been a long time since anybody had fallen in there, and those narwhals were really hungry. You're going to tell me everything, you douche. 2s You're gonna tell me everything, asshole, he said before lowering it again. The elf was just a foot away from snapping narwhals. All right, all right, I'll tell you. Fine. It's Nietzsche. Nietzsche stole all your money. Nietzsche, he said angrily. That little pipsqueak that has been detective on the other side of town. You gotta be kidding me. You just made that up, Danny. Nine toes kicks the, uh, lever, and he falls into the pool and the narwhal snap him up. Danny. Nine toes didn't want to believe that Nietzsche, the has been detective who's beyond his prime and angry about Christmas, could have stolen anything from him on the far side of town. Nietzsche was wrapping up his session, looking at the outline of the body with his partner, and he decides that he's going to go home and think about what could have happened. And before he left, he took all. The pictures from the memory card from his camera, and he went back to his house and he sat in front of his computer, and he looked at each picture, and he thought about the possibility of anybody who could have committed the murder. And one name continued to come to mind. 

 U1 

 37:42 

 Nietzsche pulled up his old rotary phone with the red rotary phone with the buttons and called his partner. Hey, Snorri, I think I got a lead here, Snorri chimed in. Really, boss? I didn't think we had anything. I had no idea what was going on down there. In the background, Nietzsche could hear the sounds of screaming children and whining wives. Apparently it was hectic. Over at the Jingle Jar House, Snorri had been a naive detective for the entire time that he had known him, and he had never met his wife or children. But he knew that Snorri had 20 children and a wife who he adored. And every year, Christmas, with that annoying old Christmas spirit was an event at Snorri house. To the extent that Snorri would, Snorri and his wife and the 20 children would invite the entire neighborhood over, and they would cook 12 turkeys and they would buy presents, which they would wrap themselves, and they would give them to the neighborhood, and then they would go to the local elven soup kitchen and cook for the homeless elves for 12 days, straight up to the day of Christmas, because it was the 12 days of Christmas before Christmas. And that was just how annoyingly happy with Christmas that Snorri and his wife and 20 children were. Yeah, I think I have a lead here. I see the outline of a red suit in one of in one of these pictures. I don't know who it is, but I think it might be our culprit. Snorri gasped. Oh, you think so, boss? Yeah. Uh, let's meet up at the office. Before 

 U2 

 39:29 

 approaching the office. Nietzsche stopped in the middle of the street. He ripped a line of sugar off of the back of his hand. Just a little bump, he says to himself. Just a little bump to get me through. And he's walking to the office, knowing that he needs some kind of crutch to help him deal with his partner and his joy and his love for Christmas, which makes him burn inside. Here. Here it is. Here's the picture. And he holds out the picture showing the red suit. Well, it could be anybody, boss. It could be a neighbor. It could be the guy down the street. It could be the red man in the suit. Who do you think it is? Well, if I knew who it was, I wouldn't have called you, now, would I? Here's what we're going to do. We're going to call all the clothing shops in town and see who has red suits. This was a monotonous task for both of them, and they hated talking on the phone. But calls were needed and they began calling from the office to every clothing store in the North Pole, which was surprisingly high for a place with a population of 800. The first one was no lead. Nobody had. Anything red, just normal slacks. The second one was good. They had a couple of leads, a couple of names and a couple of addresses. The third one was a byte, a famed migrant pocket troll worker, Jiminy Jolly James, who is famous for crafting and sewing and knitting the most weather worn clothes of the entire North Pole. Apparently, he had migrated from the southern worlds of Arjun and had brought with him an ancient craft of knitting and sewing, so much so that nobody within a 50 mile radius of him dared to make clothes. The last person that did found himself at the end of a rope overhanging a narwhal pool on the outskirts, which made some people question his affiliation with the local elven mob. Slash Danny, nine toes, Nietzsche and Snorri jingle jars. Investigations will continue into the New Year, but in the meantime, be sure to download or purchase a print copy of Clarence's book No Honor Among Thieves, which is available on Amazon and through Kindle Unlimited, as well as his previous book titled The Latchkey Kids. You can follow him on his Facebook page at Clarence Carter Author Page. Though Shawn's newest album is yet to be released, you can still listen to his previous two albums at critic the Rapper bandcamp.com, and on his YouTube page at Critic The Rapper. Please consider donating or subscribing to help us pay the bills and our artist Keith Talbot on Facebook at TR and photography. You can reach our Patreon at Patreon.com forward slash Writer's Block podcast. See you in 2020! Writer's block sisters. 

 U1 

 42:22 

 Writer's block. 3s Cool kids. Remember to subscribe. 2s And tune in next week. 2s For the next episode. 2s Writer's block. 2s The coolest podcast of all time. Time. Time. Time.