The RedRum Podcast
Join Captain and Wilson as they enjoy an adult beverage or two and review the good, the bad, and the ugly of horror films!
The RedRum Podcast
Growth
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A blueberry vodka soda becomes a legend, a TikTok rabbit hole opens Baltimore’s catacombs, and a straight-to-DVD parasite flick dares them to defend it. Join Captain and Wilson this week as they discuss the 2010 iTunes hit, "Growth," directed by Gabriel Cowan.
The film discussion begins around 13:27.
Oh my gosh. You know, um, I know this was like a gazillion weeks ago now, by the time this recording comes out. Okay, wait, I found something really cool. Okay, you remember blueberry boyfriend?
WilsonYeah, and I remember Jay being like, yeah, well, I have a strawberry girlfriend.
CaptainOkay, wait, hold on. Um look, I found okay, I found this on my trip, and I really like these, but I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to get them anywhere else. Like, just like blueberry boyfriends, I'm only probably gonna ever be able to find them in Pittsburgh. Um, but this is called a Nantucket blue.
WilsonOoh.
CaptainAnd they brew them in Nantucket, and it's blueberry vodka soda. Dude. Litty titty over here with these. So good.
WilsonYou say litty titty? Yeah.
CaptainIs that what you said? Yeah, they're so good. They're really flavorful. They're good. Uh honestly, I bought them, and then like everybody that was there with me was like, Oh, can I have one? And then like No. Well, we just kept buying them. Like, I bought a box of like four, like a four-pack, and then we just kept buying them because they were everybody really liked them. They were really good.
WilsonOkay.
CaptainSo have you ever make your way over to uh Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket?
WilsonUm, I would you It looks like you can order them. From like yeah, but I went to the their website.
CaptainYeah, but like what's shipping? Everything over there is really expensive because it's like imported.
WilsonUh let me see what it would be to ship to m it it won't tell me the shipping until I put a card in? No, just a an address, which is fair. Um, almost there. Almost there. I mean But I feel like you c you should be able to look up like um where it's not a cheap ride.
CaptainLike it's like eight hours.
WilsonUnless there's a it looks like they don't ship.
CaptainWow. The letdown.
WilsonIt said no shipping options available.
CaptainYeah, they probably ship over around the islands over there.
WilsonI'm just surprised, like, you know, you can't look up like, hey, find a distributor near you.
CaptainThere aren't any, dude.
WilsonAre you saying they make it all on this little Martha's Vineyard?
CaptainWell, I I think on Nantucket.
WilsonWell, they s at least they ship it off a Nantucket and send it to Martha's Vineyard.
CaptainSo, like, but that dude, that's like a 30-minute ferry ride. Like, that's easy for that. Oh yeah. How'd you even get to oh you have to click the I read the agreements or whatever?
WilsonYeah, you have to say you're like of age.
CaptainWhat's the customer mar match zone US?
WilsonWhat are you talking about?
CaptainI don't know. Um, let's see if they'll deliver it to me.
unknownNope.
WilsonI'm about to be shocked if they're not.
CaptainThey probably only ship it around the islands. Um, but it's really good, and I'm probably never gonna be able to get it again, but um it's just a recommendation.
WilsonYou can you can get a boat delivery. There's a $40 minimum minimum. Um, but I have a feeling you need to live.
CaptainWhere uh they could boat to me, yeah. Probably.
WilsonI mean they could boat to Baltimore.
CaptainOh my god, get out of here.
WilsonUh um, speaking of Baltimore, I think you had a you had a little the story to share.
CaptainIt's like did you do you know what this means?
WilsonI don't know what the fuck that means.
CaptainOkay, so uh I was scrolling on TikTok as we do. I always bring you something weird from there. Um, but um I was on there and I someone brought up the Baltimore catacombs. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, the Baltimore catacombs? But apparently we have like a bunch of underground crypts in Baltimore. Um and there's over a thousand people buried underneath the city.
WilsonWow.
CaptainAnd you can actually go on tourist to see like the three main crypt crypts um from Are you gonna do it? I kinda want to, because the most famous person buried down there is Edgar Allan Poe.
WilsonOh, okay. I guess that doesn't surprise me because didn't he like aren't there like a bunch of Edgar Allan Poe things in Baltimore?
CaptainYeah, I he I think he so he lived in a couple major cities throughout his life, but I think he spent a decent amount of time in Baltimore and then he died here. So that's why people like associate him with Baltimore. But like I know he like lived in Philadelphia for a while, and like he lived in a couple of cities on the coast, but yeah, he died here. So anyway, yeah, but the um Westminster Hall, they do tours where you can like buy a ticket and go down into underground crypts. But the problem is I don't know who would do this with me.
WilsonOh, Jay's like not down for that.
CaptainI don't think so. I don't think so.
WilsonUh if I ever visit you and it makes sense to do it, I'll do it.
unknownYeah.
CaptainThe pictures are pretty creepy of these underground crypts.
WilsonI'm just not going in any like tight spaces where like, oh, this thing caved in, or like, hey guys, let's just do this other turn in this restricted area.
CaptainYeah, don't you send me all of those um divers, those diver memes? Yeah, the ones walking.
WilsonLike, hey, I don't care about my family, let me go cave diving or something like Yeah.
CaptainUm, they don't look like too tight. They do remind me of that movie we watched um with the catacombs.
WilsonAs above, so below.
CaptainYeah, so below, yeah.
WilsonSo below. What kind of Coke are you drinking?
CaptainUm it's uh Coke Zero, a cigarette fridge, as they say. Or wait, no, a fridge cigarette.
WilsonI have a uh coat diet coke downstairs. I know what I should have gotten that. I'm drinking LaCroix.
CaptainLame.
WilsonYeah.
CaptainReally just gotta take the itch off. You know, I still um I still have my uh shark koozie and I love it so much. Best thing is steal Citicon. Um okay. Uh oh, yeah, we didn't talk about it last time, but we both finally saw weapons.
WilsonOh yeah.
CaptainUm and I just wanted to say it was great.
WilsonThat was um It was great. That was a fantastic movie. And I think I told you when we first tried to watch it, like halfway through, the fire alarm got pulled, so everyone had to leave, and then we're like, we're not waiting for this, so we went to a different theater.
CaptainYou get weird movie situations.
WilsonI do. This is like the third or fourth time something like this has happened to me. Um and then we went to this other theater. We ended up just starting it basically at the beginning. Um, but it was like it was a really cool experience to um wait for the audience's reaction to one, the scene where um the main character falls asleep in her car and the like zombie mom comes out and like snips the hair yeah, but where she like opens the back door of the car. Um and then the other time when Josh Brolin wakes up and he's like, What the fuck? Uh so that was enjoyable just to get everyone's uh So you you saw a decent amount in like you were a decent amount in the movie before you had to res re restart. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a really good chunk.
CaptainWow.
WilsonI was pretty annoyed about it. Yeah, we watched the first like half plus um decided to go have dinner and then caught the next showing at a different theater.
CaptainYeah, that's unfortunate. It is a really good movie though. It was um it was pretty packed when we saw it. Not not super packed, but it w there was a decent amount of people in the theater. Um, and no one like ruined it, so that was good. I was nervous because like you're seeing a movie in the summer when kids are off school, and like you know what I mean, but I think that type of movie, it's like you get hooked in really quickly because you're like, what the fuck are these children doing? Yes. The scene where um Marcus comes running at the main girl, her like uh principal. Oh my god. That is like that could give you nightmares. Oh, that scene like tore me up. I was like not prepared for uh him running at her like that. Um but yeah, it was really good. I um were you the one that sent me that um or maybe I just saw it, but um it was like every Halloween party this year, and it's just like a gazillion gladnesses every I don't know if I sent that to you or not, but I I have heard that. Yeah. And that's that's fair. Um but yeah, anyway. It was good. I I just wanted to we hadn't actually talked about it, like that we've both seen it. What's um why do you keep bringing up Twilight, dude? What is this Twilight T?
WilsonI I can't help it. Um, but uh uh in any case, I don't know if you heard, but they're re-releasing the movies in theaters this month and be in October. Um uh and they have very specific days that they're showing the movies. Um so I'm gonna go see the first one and the last one in theaters. Uh I didn't plan all this to happen at the same time, but then also in November, um they're doing one of those things, it's like a tour around the country or something where they do like a live accompaniment of a movie's score while playing the movie.
CaptainWhat? Sorry, I so they have like a whole orchestra. No, no, I I sorry, when I I know I've seen that before, I know what you're talking about, but when you first said live accompaniment, I thought like Kristen Stewart and like I thought Pattinson and them, like I thought they were coming. When you said live accompaniment, like no no, but the orchestra stuff, yeah, I've seen that before.
WilsonYeah, I originally just signed up for that because I thought it'd be cool. And then, you know, a couple weeks ago when they announced they'd be back in theaters. I was like, well, when am I gonna get to see it in theaters again? So I was like, let's do it.
CaptainYou are fully aware that I have not seen these TVs, right?
WilsonYeah, but I send me the memes anyway, because I'm like, you probably get the gist. But just like you should just like get it over with and watch them.
CaptainSir, I have so much better TV to watch.
WilsonIt's really good rotting, like couch rotting cinema.
CaptainI would much rather watch like I don't know.
WilsonAll of Down Abbey.
CaptainYeah, if I had yes, all of Doubt Nabbee, or like I like to watch those really like uh weird uh docudramas.
WilsonCan you the next time you watch one, can you recomm well can you recommend one? Because I don't I'm getting tired of docudramas that like overall don't really s say anything, there's no development, and it's just like so now I'm nervous to start any new ones.
CaptainUm, yeah. How sad how sad do you want it to be?
WilsonSad's okay. Did you watch the Natalia Grace one with Ellen Pompeo?
CaptainUh and Mark Duplace.
WilsonI think it's Mark Duplass.
CaptainUh, I don't know.
WilsonThat one got mixed reviews, but I kind of Oh, with the Orphan?
CaptainNo, I did not see that. I've watched the movie like too many times to want to watch the documentary or the docudrama.
WilsonUh that's fair. I didn't watch season two of the documentary because I didn't seem like it was really gonna say anything new.
CaptainHmm. Did you did you watch Drink season two? The Drinks? What was that? You watch The Drinks, right? The D I'm sorry. You've never watched The Jinx?
WilsonDude, if you I've never even heard of this.
CaptainOh my god. Don't spoil anything for yourself. If you want to watch some type of true crime, you gotta watch the Jinx.
WilsonWho the cuss?
CaptainDon't spoil anything!
WilsonWhy does this say release 2015 and 2024?
CaptainBecause season one and season two are that far apart.
WilsonOkay, let me add it to the list.
CaptainDude, Robert Durst's story is insane. I can't believe I haven't seen that. On Rotten Tomatoes, it has a 90 and a 91.
WilsonJeez. Alright, alright.
CaptainThe jinx is like boots down.
WilsonBoots the house down.
CaptainSeriously. Technically not a docudrama, but it's more important that you watch this before anything else.
WilsonUh we'll see about that.
CaptainI mean, in that genre in that general genre.
WilsonOh, oh, oh. Okay, okay, okay. I can I can make that happen.
CaptainOkay. Um here we have. Do you want to bring us in?
WilsonIt's time. I think it's time.
CaptainOkay. It's a gem here. Um, okay, welcome to the wait, which one is oh, this is 170. Welcome to the 178th episode of the Red Rum Podcast, where we review horror movies while enjoying a dull beverage or two, thanks. And I'm Captain.
WilsonAnd I'm Wilson.
CaptainAnd this week we're reviewing the 2010 American Hara film. I pretty sure this went straight to DVD.
WilsonThat does not surprise me.
CaptainI I like didn't have to be.
WilsonI would have been shocked if this went to theaters.
CaptainI didn't see any any box office stuff. I I'm pretty sure. And then there was something about the DVD release, and I was like, yeah, that seems like that was the only release. Um okay, so this was written and directed by Gabriel Cohen. Um, he was originally a musician. He's actually more known for the band that he formed with David David Arquette.
WilsonUm that was the hot gosh that I had, so whatever, it's fine.
CaptainOh sorry. Well, yeah, he's usually mostly known for his musician stuff with David Arquette. Um they helped write the score for Scream 2 and Scream 3. Um, but I don't think they banned anymore. I don't think. Um why are you making that piece?
WilsonI was reading more of his um What do you have do they have a band name?
CaptainI I didn't find that.
WilsonYeah, I don't I'm sure if I like tried hard I could maybe find it. Um They I saw so it says after he graduated from school he like you know directed this movie and it became the number one horror rental on iTunes. On iTunes Sorry, number one was this when iTunes came out.
CaptainLike what I don't know. I I I I don't know.
WilsonI'm gonna need some like factual backups on that.
CaptainWhat's this man's name? Gabrielle?
WilsonURL didn't even go anywhere.
CaptainI mean, there's lots of lies on the internet. I don't see what I need a band name, to be honest. I don't know.
WilsonI don't know, man.
CaptainOkay, so um jumping into oh yeah, so jumping into the cast yeah. Oh yeah, I don't know if he's directed anything else that was worth mentioning. Okay, so jumping in the cast, we have oh gosh. Oh gosh. Mercia Monroe.
WilsonOh, sorry. Um I found the band's name if you're curious.
CaptainOh yeah, what is it?
WilsonIt's ear 2000, and there's no space between ear and 2000.
CaptainUgh. I roll.
WilsonAnd he goes by Gabe.
CaptainOkay. Um okay, uh, Mercia Monroe, I think, um, plays Jamie, the main girl. Um, she's mostly known for her comedy drama shows, Heart of Dixie, and there's some show called Episodes. Never seen it. Um her brother in this film is played by Christopher Strand. I didn't really find anything for him. Um, and then she's got two friends, so Nora Kirkpatrick as Kristen. Kristen's probably the most known person in here. She um is known for her ABC family show Greek. Um, she was in the office um as Dwight's girlfriend for a season as well. Is that why you recognize her?
WilsonYeah.
CaptainShe looks like somebody else. She looks like a different blonde actress that was more popular in like this time period or earlier.
WilsonDM her on Instagram and tell her that.
CaptainI like couldn't re find I look like somebody that's more popular than you. I like couldn't remember the actress's name, and it's gonna be so hard to find her, so uh whatever. Um okay, and then Brian Krause plays Marco. He's mostly known for his role in Charmed. Did you watch Charmed?
WilsonOh hell yeah.
CaptainHell yeah, brother. Um do you remember Leo?
WilsonOh yeah.
CaptainOh yeah, yeah.
WilsonHe's like a main character.
CaptainOkay, well he was uncharmed. Um and he played the lead role in some horror movie called Sleepwalkers. I wonder if that's good. Oh, are you looking it up?
WilsonUh it did it looks like it probably broke even. The cast is pretty good.
CaptainOn the least.
WilsonOn the least. Yeah, always adding shit to the list. As a 29%. So this might be a bad movie. I feel like there's like some slight cultiness maybe to this.
CaptainWow, I love the movie poster.
WilsonThis yeah, like this looks like it'd be good. Like, if you look at that cast, that's a lot of a lot of meat on the bones. Is this a Stephen King? Oh. Wait. Uh is it? Yes. Well, okay, he at least wrote the movie. I don't know if that means he also wrote the like if there was a book for it too.
CaptainI have no idea. Um, and then Larkin. Oh, sorry, I always I tried so hard not to do that. Um Richie Ryle, real, um, as Larkin, he's probably the most famous person. He's done a gazillion character roles. Like, I you would recognize him as like kind of like that little um, I don't know. I don't want to be mean, but like a little frumpy.
WilsonUm yeah, he's just he appears in everything.
CaptainYeah.
WilsonBut you like don't really know his name.
CaptainYeah, I I honestly tried to figure out where I knew him from from his list, and I couldn't tell because like he's just yeah, he's in everything. Um, but he's mostly known for playing Walt Finerty in Grounded for Life. Um, and he's done a bunch of appearances in Star Trek, and he was also in Halloween too. Do you think you recognize him from Star Trek?
WilsonUm, I don't know. They have so many, like, so many famous people in there, and they put them in all this weird makeup usually. I don't remember him offhand, but if I saw his character, I'd probably be like, oh yeah.
CaptainDo you think he's an alien?
WilsonIn real life?
CaptainIn Star Trek.
WilsonOh. I mean well, now I'm curious, so I have to look it up. Alright, it's fine. It's not a big crazy. How do you spell this re okay? Got it. Um I'm gonna answer you in ten or eleven seconds. Okay. Um, it looks like he was always dressed as a human.
CaptainOkay. Um, you know what?
WilsonI recognize him from Office Space.
CaptainOh yeah, that's where I know him from too. I've seen the movie like four times.
WilsonIt's a good movie.
CaptainI think it was a pretty good movie. Um, okay, so let's jump in here. Um so it starts off with um words on the screen that says one in a four Americans have a parasite. Dot dot dot. Many of them are deadly. Um The words on the screen go by so fast. I actually missed them. Like they went by so fast. I don't even know if you caught them.
WilsonUm I might have paused, but yeah, they were fast.
CaptainUm but anyway, we get um, like uh some zombie runaway looking man was like chased after cops and he like ran into some water and he's like screaming in pain, and it seems like that killed him. Um there's not really a lot of uh detail into that, but then it cuts to uh in 19 what is it? Um in 19 ohine on Cuddle Huck Island, some scientists called Mason Lane used microscopic parasites to advance human evolution. And we don't get like we get it in pieces, like we don't get all of that at the beginning. We we get that he um first uh genetically modified uh clams so that the pearls were like really big. Um and I don't know who told you that you can leap from clams to human beings, but that's crazy work. Um But yeah, he uh was doing some experiments that resulted in stronger, smarter, healthy healthier humans that had like parasites inside of them. Um but like some type of chaos happened when he was presenting it and um like a bunch of people died on the island. And like we're like I said, we're getting like cuts of this kind of in and out.
WilsonUm I think this part went like way too fast. Like I was I did like get well, I think I was already getting the impression I was like, this movie's gonna be something, so I got distracted and missed part of that explanation. I was like, I probably should have heard that, but we're gonna keep going.
CaptainYeah, it I mean it's just a lot of like scenes of them doing some type of science and then like accidents or people are dying. Um they're like not wearing any PPE, like I I I don't know what's happening. Um, but and then I also missed when it cuts to present day and like a group of people are getting in a car and coming back to the island. I was like, who the fuck are these people? Like I miss that because they went through it so fast and you're introduced to like six people really quickly. So it took me a while to realize what who they were. But the main girl, Jamie, she came back to the island to clean out her um great uncle's house, this Mason Lane guy who died. Um, and she's there with her boyfriend, what's his name? Marco or something, and then he's she's there with her stepbrother and her stepbrother's girlfriend. Well, actually, no, they're not. I don't know if they're gonna be.
WilsonTheir relationship between like all their however they were all related or connected was way too complicated for this movie.
CaptainYeah, I I cause I don't know why she's there, because they said they weren't dating, and he was like, I don't sleep with women just to sleep with women. But like, why the fuck was she there then? Who is she? I I don't And then there was that other girl, Sarah with a baby. I was like, Who the fuck is that? I ha I honestly have no idea. Um I don't know. But yeah, so this is twenty years later. They they go come back to the islands, Jamie and Marco and then Justin and Kristen. Um Oh, Jamie's father spearheaded the original project. I thought that was her didn't she say uncle?
WilsonI think it was her dad.
CaptainOh, maybe it was Kristen's uncle? Maybe that was like their cousin? I don't know. Um anyway. So they get back to the island.
WilsonUm there's they're supposed to get like two million dollars for it to pay off like debts.
CaptainOh, yeah, that's why they really came back, yeah. Because they didn't want to come back, but because a bunch of people died when they were kids. But yes, the property's supposed to be worth two million dollars. So they were like gonna clean it out, sell it, take all the money and yeah, get life together. Also, Jason is some type of sick and he apparently he needs medication, which they were gonna use the money for. They don't really talk about details.
WilsonMissed that.
CaptainThey go through it really fast. Um, and then um, yeah, so I think it starts out with um Kristen um is like going on a run and she is spray painting trees while she's going on a run, which in my notes I was like, that's fucking crazy because she's on a clear trail. Like, why is she spray painting trees when she's running on like an obvious trail? But there's a reason for that, which comes up later in the movie. Um, and then you see that somebody is watching her, like dressed in all black. Um, so that's the first time you see that character. Um and then I think uh early on she res she gets a visit from Larkin Um, who informs her that she's not gonna be able to sell her property. Like he was like, Yeah, this is not worth two million dollars. You can't sell it because it's like either the land itself is owned by the city or like the house or something, and he was like, I can offer you 75k and that's it.
WilsonYeah, I think he was trying to say it's like the town has to approve a sale, and we're not going to approve a sale, so we will give you $75,000 for your trouble, but you cannot sell it.
CaptainYeah, and I she asked she says, Who's the city council that I can talk to? And he goes, Well, I'm the head of city council. Um Yes. Um, and then there's also a scene around this time where like it's clear that like he didn't want Jamie to come back here. Um, and he kind of like uh I don't know, like, is mad at somebody for bringing him. I was really confused by that science scene that was happening, like, in present day that happens around this time where like uh a lady is left in the lab by herself while the sheriff and the council city man are talking, and then like she gets parasited. Do you know what that like that was modern day, right? Like that wasn't a flashback. So like they're still doing parasite studies.
WilsonI think they weren't supposed to be doing it.
CaptainYeah. Well, she was left in there by herself. Like he explains to her what's happening. Like, these parasites are used to make the perfect human. Um, like we got the pearl, and we were like, okay, cool, let's do it on people. Um and they mention how Jamie was supposed to be brought back here because she has some type of immunity, but or she knows something about the immunity, but like nobody knows what she knows about it. Um, and she's the only person that would know. Um it was very confusing when they first bring it up, too, which uh yeah, that's the movie for you. Um and then yeah, so um what uh Justin gets um parasited when he get jumps in that water, right?
WilsonUh in the river. He almost did, but I think it was while he was having sex with the girl on the beach and it went in his foot.
CaptainOh yeah, that was so nasty. Um yes. So yes. He gets it in his foot, and then he gets sick really quickly. Like he's like looks rabid, he's like uh uh I don't know, like in pain, and you can see the parasites wiggling underneath his skin. Um, and then like everybody's on a frantic search for a doctor, which like all these characters come in that I'm like like the town's doctor and Sarah's friend, and I don't know. But anyway, when they're going through the town, like it's clear, like us as the audience, we can see that like a bunch of people have already had parasite attacks. Like there are dead people in houses. We saw that scene earlier of like that little girl Emily that like gets parasited and like the parasites leap out of her body and attack her parents in bed. Um it was a really fast scene. I don't know if you remember that. Um, but it's already like a full outbreak in the city, but like I I guess the city councilman is trying to keep it on the DL. Um and um they basically don't need to find a j a doctor because Justin says, Just kidding, I'm fine, right? Or that was after his night out.
WilsonYeah, I think so. This is like so a good chunk of this movie I would just tune back in periodically, but then scroll on my phone because I was like I I got halfway into this movie and I was like, how is there still so much left?
CaptainYeah, I it's really it's so talk about like ABC th movie or like a bay I mean this is so low budget, this movie, and way more complicated than it needs to be.
WilsonOh my gosh, yeah. And just the pacing was like I don't know, it was really rough.
CaptainUm so yeah, Justin before he gets better, he basically like uh wakes up in the middle of the night, he like sexually assaults Kristen. I I don't know what that was, and she was like, I'm sleeping. So then he leaves. Do you remember that? He like sticks his fingers down her pants and she's like, I'm sleeping.
WilsonUh I remember uh something. About a bedroom scene, yeah.
CaptainUm, and then he goes to the bar, and when he's in the bar, he gets into a fight, um, and his heightened abilities make it easy for him to win. Like he he like, you know fully wins over his opponents. Um and he was talking to a girl in the bar, which is why the fight started, and he um chokes that girl out and rips out part of her neck. Um and you can see like worms coming out of his body, parasites coming out of his body when he's like making out with her slash choking her. Um, because she was like, What the heck is that? Like they're coming out of his ears. Um, but he kind of wakes up the next morning unsure of what happened, unsure if that was a good dream or not, and he like seems fine. Um, however, he vomits out like parasites in the toilet um that morning. Um talk about like a poor one out. That was like the most nastiest vomit I've ever seen. There was like live worms crawling around in it. It was so nasty.
WilsonIt was nasty.
CaptainUm okay, and then I think Kristen she keeps going out on runs every morning or every day, and she finds this gigantic mass cemetery graveyard where like it's just a bunch of uh like wooden stakes, wooden uh crosses. Um, Wikipedia says like uh three-quarters of the town died when this first outbreak happened. I don't remember them saying that, but I don't either.
WilsonApparently Why would you stay there at that point?
CaptainWhy would anyone stay there? It's like Snake Island, it's like let it be just be Parasite Island. Yeah, it's not that important um if you're gonna die there. So anyway, she's out on a run, um, just finds this mass graveyard, but then a mysterious figure um like I think uh grabs her and attacks her um while she's out there. Um and then I think uh we get to see like that figure is like mostly a parasite person. Like you don't get to see their face, but like a gigantic parasite um looks just like alien, actually. Like the worms the worm tongue um comes out and attacks her.
WilsonUm yeah, shoves itself down her throat.
CaptainYeah, it's um definitely CGI, it could be worse, right?
WilsonYeah. Um I wish there were practical effects. I know that's that could be expensive. That character was kind of really like mean though. Like the first quarter of the movie, I was like, this character is insufferable.
CaptainYeah, no, Kristen sucks. She's terrible. Yeah. I mean yeah. The only person that was actually like I enjoyed was Jamie's boyfriend. I think he the guy from Charmed, I think.
WilsonOh, yeah, he was just like a fine character.
CaptainUm but yeah, so she gets attacked, um, and then I think the doctor finally shows up that said, um, hey, you were looking for me like two days ago, like I'm here for Justin. And then they explain the um symptoms to Justin and how he's better, and he goes, Oh no, you're in like he's like really diseased and he's sick, and like you've got to get out of here, and like um, you know, they said he left five minutes ago, and then like this huge artillery of like 12 people show up that are like here to hunt him down because they they know that this parasite uh uh a pandemic epidemic on the island is happening, and they're just like not telling the citizens or the people that are here to visit. So like they know that this is happening and they know that that's what he's got, and they're just shooting anybody that has parasite, which doesn't seem to actually do anything. Like the parasite just jumps to the next person.
WilsonYeah, they don't really seem that concerned about like, yeah, you could kill the person right next to you, but there could be worms all over the ground and it just would need to crawl up your leg.
CaptainLike, I don't I mean the worms die with water. Why aren't we just why don't we just have cups of water available to us?
WilsonCouldn't tell ya.
CaptainMy laptop's gonna die. Um yeah, so they um go through and they like um um like shoot everybody that looks like they might have had the parasite, and then they also um like salt the ground, which I don't know if they really explain that. Um I think it's I think the main thing is the uh the parasites don't like salt water slash salt, so like salt plants are um but anyway the doctor does some dumb shit when he's out there where he doesn't tape his pant legs before walking outside, which is like that should be a requirement. The fact that they handed him tape while he was already outside was so fucking stupid. But a parasite jumps up his leg, and before he even has a chance to like see if the parasite bit him or do anything about it, they just shoot the doctor. I'm like, I'm sorry, you shot your one town doctor. Like, really? We weren't gonna get any uh way to I don't know, remediate that. I I don't know. Um I I was just like you could not I was like damn, I was really surprised they shot the doctor. Um anyway, it cuts back to the scene with Kristen and um the mysterious figure, and um he is actually Dr. Uh Mason Lane this whole time. So the guy that they came to clean the house out, he's actually not dead, he was alive the whole time, and he was like secretly continuing this parasite perfect human research. Um and he also wants he also like kidnaps Jamie because she has supposedly has the anecdote for sorry, not anecdote, antidote for I guess this parasite disease. Um but she swears she doesn't know what the antidote is. Um and they he's like what straps her to a table like Frankenstein the worst uh restraint because she gets out of it almost immediately. It's like a theater, like it reminds me of like a play, like a like you know what I mean, like a high school play.
WilsonYou mean just like they're just going through the motions, but it's just like whatever.
CaptainYeah, that's yeah. Um but she gets out and like I think they argue a bit, but um, she basically traps him in a the lab um and Larkin comes to help, um, but they just kill kill Mason um with like water. But again, it releases all the parasites like just because his body's dead doesn't mean that they're dead. Like they just try to find the next host. Um there's a weird scene where like as they're getting away from him, um, they find that when their friend Sarah's dead, and I'm like, damn, she's got a fucking baby. You know what I mean?
WilsonI kind of forgot about her.
CaptainYeah, but they the girl has a baby at the end, like with her, no?
WilsonI was wondering how like I had forgotten, I was like, I I don't know how you ended up with this baby that you're taking on a boat, but I'm just gonna roll with it.
CaptainYeah, so she decides that she's gonna save herself and this baby that doesn't have a parasite, because everyone else probably does. So she like gets in a boat um to get away. Jason is like tr trying to follow her, but you know, he has a parasite in him, so he can't, he's gonna get melty if he goes into the water. Um and Dr. Larkin basically saves them. Like he fights Jason until like she can get away. Um and then she it literally it's her and a baby and nothing else on this rowboat. And I guess they're just drifting into the ocean overnight. And they when she's like, it's the next morning, um, and she is obvious and obviously infected. Like she coughs up worms and she's like, oh fuck. So she pulls out this little doll that she picked up earlier in the movie, and inside like the wind-up toy crank in the back, there's some antidote. What is the antidote in there? Was it like a vial or something? I can't remember.
WilsonUh what? Uh yeah, I don't know. Sorry, the cats are like fighting it out right behind me.
CaptainIt's very distracting. Um, I can't remember what that antidote was. It was like a vial or something. Um anyway, she hands it to the baby. Um, and then she just jumps. Oh, sorry, she hears a boat horn, and I'm we don't see a boat, but I'm sure there's a boat nearby that was gonna come rescue them. So she jumps into the water to basically kill herself, and then the baby is on the boat by itself with antidote. Um yeah, and then like some Coast Guard eventually come pick him up. So that's really the only survivor.
WilsonUm then I was like, yes, this movie's over, but then there's another scene.
CaptainThere's an epilogue that says six months later in South Korea, and we're in a jewelry store, um, and they're selling those pearls from this island because they're like mega big pearls. Um, and this lady has like this whole freak out in the shop about trying to return something, and she's slamming the glass, and as she's doing that, she's like waking the parasite eggs, which that's really what the giant pearls are, is is eggs for these parasites. So they're like hatching in South Korea, so it's gonna continue to be a problem everywhere. Um, yeah, and then the movie's finally over, but it's not good, like it's complicated, it's boring, um, it's very low budget in uh production, in acting. Um it's it's not good.
WilsonHow did we find this?
CaptainUm, so originally I wanted to do that's a great question. Originally I wanted to do, I think it's called Splice.
WilsonYes. We watched that in college.
CaptainOkay, but I can't find it streamable.
WilsonI know. Oh, yeah, no, you're right. Like, I look I looked everywhere too, and I was like, you cannot watch this movie.
CaptainSo this movie has Adrian Brody in it, and he is like a geneticist that makes hybrid human species, and I was like really kind of down for that concept. Like I had this in my in my list for a while. Um, so when we couldn't do that, I was like, okay, well, let me look up some other human-genified movie from the same time period. So Splice is 2009, so this is the only movie that really came up.
WilsonOkay.
CaptainThat was the same time period and the same general concept. Um, but trust me, I much rather would have watched Splice. I like same thing with the other movie I couldn't find. I was like, Kira Knightley's in this movie. What do you mean it's not streamable? Like, it's not like I'm looking for some weird fucking you know, movie that would cost $10,000 to make. Like, real actors are in these movies that are not streamable.
WilsonYeah, I like I wanted to try to find out if there was like goss around like distribution rights.
CaptainLike Oh.
WilsonI don't I mean, I don't know if there is or not, but I feel like something has to be going on that you can't buy it or rent it anywhere.
CaptainYeah, I it's just yeah, I don't know. I mean, people are weird when it comes to human genetically modifying humans, so maybe it has something to do. Maybe somebody who's high up like doesn't want that movie out here. I don't know.
WilsonThere is a scene in it I remember that could be sort of controversial, so I don't know if that's part of it.
CaptainI don't remember the movie. We watched it, I was there.
WilsonI know, I definitely watched it.
CaptainUm well, I won't be able to watch it anytime soon, so if you want to ruin it for me, what's the controversial scene?
WilsonUm well, so I think at the time it's what really grossed me out. Like they they make this genetically modified human, her him and his like h uh wife or girlfriend. Um, but at one point he like has sex with it, and it's just like really icky.
CaptainOh no. Ooh. Okay. Well, maybe you know, this movie's not good, but at least we didn't have to watch something like that. Um it's giving that movie that you made you made us watch that we stopped watching for the that weird one. Kubrick or no, it's not oh, um We didn't even do it because I was like, what are these titties all over the screen forever?
WilsonOh, what was that? I think it started with an N. Um Necrophilia something. Wasn't it? It was what?
CaptainThe one we just did like two months ago.
WilsonOh, I was thinking there was one we stopped watching several years ago. Uh with um Damn, what is his name? He plays Norman Osborne. Why am I Willem Defoe.
CaptainOh.
WilsonThere's like it just starts off at a hundred percent like a sex scene, and it just feels it's very weird.
CaptainWhat's the one we just watched that was like based so far in the future? Cronenberg. Cronenberg movie.
WilsonOh, uh uh Crimes of the Future.
CaptainYes.
WilsonYeah, that this is yeah, that's that was that was interesting, yeah.
CaptainUm, so some of my like takeaways from this movie is like there's some weird like Seventh Heaven Christian value type something going on with Justin. Like, because multiple times in the movie they're like, I don't have sex for fun. Like, if I'm gonna be with a girl, like uh it's to really be with her. And it comes off like like I literally it's giving like Seventh Heaven, like a a drama TV show where it's like heavily overlaid with like values. I don't know. Something about it was very weird. Um and like it it kind of comes throughout the movie a couple of times. Like, I I don't know what that's about. Um and it yeah, it's just not good. Like I wouldn't recommend. I think if I had to give this a rating, did you already put this on letterbox for yourself?
WilsonI did. Yeah. I wasn't sure if you would have seen it. Um I didn't look before, yeah.
CaptainWhat'd you give it?
WilsonI think I gave it a one.
CaptainI'd probably probably agree with you on that one.
WilsonYeah, I'm giving it a 10%.
CaptainYeah.
WilsonWhat what would you uh um Yeah.
CaptainYou know what's crazy is that the critic or there's no a critic store, but the audience score has a 72 and I don't understand where that's coming from.
WilsonOh yeah, I saw some of these like was this like a special release on iTunes when people are like really excited about iTunes releases and they're like, this was like so good. I don't know.
CaptainLike, I don't You could watch movies on iTunes, like I don't even remember that.
WilsonI I bought a m like two movies on iTunes like a hundred years ago, and they're still I can still see them in my purchase history, but I was like Wow, that's it. Yeah, this is like Yeah, like pre-2009.
CaptainLike I said, I didn't even know you could do that. I don't even remember that being an option. Um But yeah, maybe that's may maybe it is an iTunes like props to them.
WilsonWait, so what what's your what's your percentage for this?
CaptainOh sorry. Um yeah, I might give it like a 13. Salad. Um yeah, I just don't know what the fuck they were doing with this. Um do you uh have there's like really no hot goose, also like there's nothing about this movie online, unfortunately. Um do you have a um raise a glass?
WilsonThis was this was hard.
CaptainUm I have a very specific spot on one.
WilsonI think I'll just say I guess it's not really a raise of glass, but it's like it's more of a closer to a pour one out. I think the moment where I realized I was like basically done with this movie, or it was too much, is at one point they like flip over a mattress and find like a hidden safe under the bed, and they like I was like, alright, this is this is too complicated.
CaptainYeah, they find Dr. Lane's like uh tapes from uh when he was doing all these experiments. I've totally forgot about that scene, yeah. And but it's like mostly just repeated images from the splicing we saw earlier in the movie, and there's like a little bit more of like behind the scenes. Um I thought this movie was gonna go in a different direction. Like as they were setting it up, I I didn't mean I I forgot I wanted to mention this. As they were setting this movie up, it appears like they tried to make the perfect human that's part parasite, um, and it didn't work, and like chaos ensued, and a bunch of people died, right? I thought 20 years later they were gonna come back here and some scientist, whether it was Mason Lane or somebody else, made a human that was half human, half parasite. Like, I thought that's what the dark figure was, where I was like, oh, they made like in their mind the perfect human. Like that would have been kind of cool. But it's like, nope, it's just the doctor and he lays got parasites in him, but like he himself is not like like maybe they didn't have the budget for the special effects or the uh uh what are those called? Practical effects, but like that's what I was expecting. Like they're gonna be like basically a parasite, but with like but with human arms and legs and size.
WilsonThat would have been interesting. Like that would have been kind of cool, but it's just that we got this super complicated plot.
CaptainYeah, I was like, oh, they made it. Like they finally made the thing they were trying to make. Um, but no, that's not what it was. Um okay, my rack. Okay, talk about complicated. Like, what the fuck is this? So my rack is early in the movie when all of them are packed into this car and they're unloading their stuff. Uh Kristen and Justin are like chit-chatting a lot. Kristen's kind of a bitch. Um, and she's like teasing Justin slash like trying to sleep with him. Anyway, at one point she goes, All right, I'm gonna go to bed. I'm just gonna like um tickle my accordion and and hit the hay. And I was like, girl, what a nasty way to say masturbate.
WilsonI remember that.
CaptainI literally was like, why would you say it that way? You could say anything else. I said I said, tickle my accordion and then I shit you not. This girl pulls out a literal accordion.
WilsonI was like, I forgot all about that, but I I was like who wrote that in here?
CaptainWho wrote that in here?
WilsonI kind of appreciate that because that had to be a euphemism, and then they were like, we're actually gonna give her an accordion.
CaptainOkay, like that was supposed to be a joke, right?
WilsonLike I I feel like it had to have been, or at least it better have been.
CaptainI I was like, I was I literally was like, there's no fucking way this girl literally is pulling out an accordion right now. Um, and yeah, it must be a joke because she doesn't really play it, play it. Like she like does a little, but like she doesn't like give us a jingle. Um, but I I I think that was my rag because I was like, tickle my accordion is crazy work. Crazy work.
WilsonUh yeah.
CaptainUm yeah, so that was my rag. Um, but in general, though, the movie is not good, and I do not recommend at all.
WilsonNo, absolutely not. But I I own it now.
CaptainUm you bought it?
WilsonBecause when I went to go rent it, it was $3.99 to rent, $3.99 to buy, and I was like, I mean, I'm gonna buy it.
CaptainWhy? I saw that and I rented that. I don't want to own that.
WilsonThat's the second podcast movie, or at least third, that it was like garbage, but I own now.
CaptainYeah, I feel bad that one you bought was like ten dollars.
WilsonI I think we just didn't have any other option. I was like, uh, whatever.
CaptainYeah, that's the ixies. Um yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to think of like advice I'd pull for them for for this movie. I don't fucking uh advice I'd pull for this movie.
WilsonWell, wait, what about our next time?
CaptainOh, yes, sorry. The movie next week, we're gonna do our little Halloween movie. Uh this one is called Pay the Ghost. Um, it's with our best buddy Nick Cage.
WilsonOh, okay.
CaptainHave you seen that movie before?
WilsonNo, I've never heard of it.
CaptainOh. It's uh it's uh it's a wild Nick Cage ride, it sounds like.
WilsonOkay, cool. Well, cool. Pay the Ghost. I'm excited to see that.
CaptainOkay, good. Uh I'm glad you haven't seen it, because I it's supposed to be insane. Like, I don't know. It's just it it's Nick Cage. So Okay. Um yeah.
WilsonWhat uh what advice do you got for me?
CaptainOh god, I don't. This movie sucks. Um, I don't know. Okay, okay. Just based on what people all the science people are doing in this um in the movie, um, my biggest takeaway would be um wear your PPE. Like, no, there's no gloves, there's no goggles, there's no sh anything. So if you haven't learned anything from COVID or whatever, that would be my advice is all science, all lab work, wear your PPE.