OffAir Podcast
OffAir Podcast
Are Modern Nigerian Men Becoming Princesses? Ft Murewa & Isoma
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Gbemi and Toolz are joined by Murewa and Isoma from Menisms Pod for a heated but hilarious conversation about the modern Nigerian man. They discuss submission, gender roles, 50/50 relationships, domestic labour, emotional maturity, money in dating, feminism, and why some men want traditional treatment without traditional responsibility. The episode also includes fan mail, money talk, and weekend recommendations.
Chapters
00:00 Intro
00:49 Today’s topic: Who is the modern Nigerian man?
02:06 “Modern men are princesses” – opening hot take
04:02 Submission, trust and what the Bible actually says
08:12 Are men asking for partnership or power?
12:04 Traditional men vs modern expectations
16:10 Why some men want 50/50 but not shared housework
20:18 Domestic labour, children and running a household
26:03 Can men be “raised right” and still act entitled?
35:02 Why some men hide who they really are until marriage
39:15 Money, work, bills and the unfairness of strict 50/50
45:06 Male loneliness and modern dating struggles
49:30 Why some men say women only want money
55:48 Why feminism still threatens some men
59:36 Fan mail: He avoids money conversations — red flag?
1:07:18 When should couples discuss salary and finances?
1:12:44 Does a woman earning more threaten men?
1:17:20 Closing thoughts with Menisms
1:19:37 Money Zone with Moniepoint
1:24:02 Spin the Weekend with Gordon’s Gin
1:27:06 Outro
They used to write us handwritten letters back in the day. I don't understand what's happening with these princesses now. Sorry. You want this babe who is contributing to the bills to come back and cook you fresh stew every day. Are you okay?
SPEAKER_08No, so I think I think the question, first of all, is you did mention about men being raised right, but then not. So I feel like if you are already in the chain of thought where day old rice is not edible rice, that's already poor raising.
SPEAKER_05If you have the right person, it is actually easy to be submissive to each other. That's what the Bible verse said, dude. I think what a lot of guys expect is that you're going to meet a girl, date her, and she'll just be like my master, I'm submissive.
SPEAKER_03They want you, they want submissive providers, they want you to toast them. Is that not a princess?
SPEAKER_05Welcome to a brand new episode of Off Air with Jimmy. And I am Tools. How y'all doing? You good? You good? You good? Okay, so today's episode is going to be very interesting. Uh, we all talk about the independent woman and who she is, what kind of things she does. But do we spend enough time talking about the modern Nigerian man?
SPEAKER_03Hmm. We're gonna talk about that. Who is he? Where are they? And we're gonna get some insights from some guests.
SPEAKER_05Yes, we have got our friends from the Menisms podcast. Um, they are gonna be here shortly to break things down. Um, hopefully, it doesn't get violent. Hopefully, it might get a little violent, but you know. Make sure you stick around and watch that. Yeah, and we also need to say a big thank you because I can I can hear Gwimmy's tummy rumbling now.
SPEAKER_03Hungry. It's like feed me. Make sure you check them out at orderplato.com. You can order different varieties of dishes and pay one delivery fee. And not just that, the food is actually really good. Yes, orderplato.com.
SPEAKER_06Very good.
SPEAKER_03Our special guests are in the studio. We've got Murewa and Isioma of Menisms. Welcome there, welcome to you.
SPEAKER_05Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome, welcome. Looking very sharply dressed. Thank you for making the effort. Very, very nice. Okay, so um we're not gonna attack, we're gonna try not to attack you. Okay, all right. Okay, they said that we can attack her.
SPEAKER_01All right, all right, all right.
SPEAKER_05All right, so wait, what's this topic? We break it down. I don't know how to break it down.
SPEAKER_03Okay, and that's why she had the lens thing when we were when we were discussing um what this topic should be. I think I can't remember if it was me or Tools or our producer who titled it. The title might change, by the way. The modern the modern Nigerian man. So let's think of the quintessential Nigerian man in 2026. Who is he? And the first thing that came to my mind is not the nicest thing. I well, I know we're gonna talk about it. Talk kids, talk it, talk kids. The first thing I thought of was a princess.
SPEAKER_02Sorry.
SPEAKER_05Wait, so are you guys agreeing? Why not even argue with anybody? Who doesn't like princess? Okay.
SPEAKER_03Let me explain why I had that thought process. You see, back in the day, I mean, I'm I'm I'm young enough to remember when people used to, when they were yearners, when the when men were men, you know, when they would write you a letter, they would be pining for you. Now it's like they would just enter your DM. Hey, hi, hey, hi, and next thing you know, they're hoping that a relationship comes out from there. They used to write us handwritten letters back in the day. I don't understand what was happening with these princesses now. But anyway, let's talk. What else? Let's talk. Okay, okay. They want submissive providers. They want you to toast them. Is that not a princess? You said you said a word there that triggers me. Submissive.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_03But they also want you to submissive.
SPEAKER_05So when I hear when I hear submission, I get triggered because I think that um it's been it's it's the idea that we have of submission or being submissive, it's so warped right now. Um, and I will say this, I will say this. If you have the right person, it is actually easy to be submissive to each other. To each other. That's what the Bible verse said, dude. I think what a lot of guys expect is that you're going to meet a girl, date her, and she'll just be like my master, I'm submissive. And I honestly don't think a lot of guys are worthy of that. If I'm gonna be very honest. Like there's certain guys, what it okay, it was the very, very well-learned Jill Scott that said, if you can tell me what to do, you can tell me what to do. If how did you say it's a mist of the case? Let me check. I was talking to give me the Angie Marquis, yeah. Okay, all right. Wait, hold on, let me remember it. She said, if you can tell me what to do, then you can tell me what to do. But if you can't, did she say if you can or if you can't? I can't remember the context. But basically, we can remember it.
SPEAKER_03I feel like people who, especially who who take it from the biblical angle, always say, Oh, you should be submissive, this one, that one. But are you really if you really want to go by biblical standards or if you want to go the religion path? Infinity reading the verse the quote-unquote heads of home need to love their wives like Christ loved the church, meaning you should be willing to die for this woman because Christ died for his people.
SPEAKER_05But the person is not gonna do this, so why how like what are your views on submission?
SPEAKER_03Let's start with that. Let me say you're you're ready.
SPEAKER_09Um, the first thing I'm gonna say is um, like you said, back then they should write letters and all that. Back then to women should be the peace in the man's life. No, no, no, no, the peace. You see, it's not fools.
SPEAKER_05Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, hold on a second. Hold on. So, when you say peace, what do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_09For example, now, like what do you mean by that? You just said now about the new modern women that you're talking about. Yeah, they have to be equals, which is not a bad thing, but you want to be equals, but it's argumentation, uh, argumentative, yeah, argumentative. You're going to try to put like you just said now. If we're going to the past, things have have changed, but no more in the past, yeah, but now in the present, okay, but no more back then, because the things I used to go back then that guys used to do the things women used to do back then, they don't want to do it again.
SPEAKER_03Here's my thing. Um, I I would just say this. Um, if you want to be a traditional man, be a traditional man. Fully embrace it, fully embrace it, meaning we are not splitting bills with anybody. I don't care what the economy says. If you say you want to be a traditional man, are you sweating, Mary Watts?
SPEAKER_08No, no, no, no. I'm adjusting myself because my comfort is going on, then be that.
SPEAKER_03Like I tell my friends all the time, if you want the guy to pay all the bills, then prepared to be a traditional woman who doesn't have a say in anything. Do you want that? Or do you want more of a partnership? You know? So are you agreeing with her? You know what?
SPEAKER_09If you're saying that, then I agree with you. Okay. So if you're going to be traditional, traditional, you're gonna be this, then be this.
SPEAKER_08So you know what? I think what is Yumba is really landing on here is that the dynamics have changed, right? In the movement for feminism, where women need to have equal rights and you know, let them not just be seen as less. That has also come to a place where at what point do you draw the lines of less and not less? Because now we're talking about okay, you were right in the point of traditional man, you're gonna pay the bills, pay the bills. Okay, traditional man is I foot the everything provisioned, I foot it. Just don't think about provision, just be there, exist, and follow my rules, so to say, right? But there was a fight against follow my rules. Of course, I imagine in the events where the rules didn't quite make sense, or they were more derogatory to the woman, in what case. Now, we have a situation where that fight has gotten to the point where women have taken, of course, you know, prominent roles and whatever it is in society, right? If you're now thinking about the man still wanting to be a well, the man being a modern man in that situation now is adapting to whatever the new norms of you know that fight has been.
SPEAKER_03Are they adapting?
SPEAKER_08It's an adaptation, it's an adaptation because again, it might seem to you like it's uh taking advantage, because I imagine that's where you might be coming from, where it's like, okay, now that women say, you know, they want to own some own, just have some level of ownership, you know, men are now saying, okay, split in 50-50. She maybe you men want to do that, or yeah, pay your part. That's it comes off as it looks like it's um being taken advantage of, right? But in the end, it's realistically what was being asked for, which is the stakes of men just taking 100% and then women nothing, is now okay, take 50-50. But the problem here is that there's a thin line between what was um what was what was supposed to be submission, because that's where we're coming from now. The idea behind submission was not meant to be ownership. Are you sure? The idea behind it, the idea behind it was not meant to be ownership. Now the execution, however, ended up being, you know, a master slave situation, you know, in some cases. But the concept behind submission, especially if you're gonna refer to the Bible, was always a if you're gonna play by the roles of I'm gonna be a leader of the family while you be the one that's a follower, it is that I have seen you mentioned something about men going into war. I mean, you're just off camera, right? And the idea behind it is that I'm going to face the very difficult part first. Then when I get to the battlefront and I see that, okay, you know what, we've stabilized things, then I tell you, okay, you know what, guys, you guys can come in. Now that I've checked here and I've seen everything that's going on. Now, submission then became something entirely different, right? And of course, I don't agree to that version of submission because it became a I will put you down in your place while I become the only one who's a dictator, so to say. Now I'm not very fought at, but unfortunately, that's what history has shown us. And the modern man now wants a balance of both because, again, and I think actually we tackled this in one of our previous episodes. Men only own identity when there's power involved. So if you give a man power, he has an identity. Now, with a traditional man, a traditional man comes with power, comes with the idea of the dynamic of uh submission. I'm your owner, you're my slave, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff, right? Men, the modern man likes the idea of submission because it comes with power. And power gives you identity. As a man, if I lack the power to tell you, let me give you just a simple scenario, right? Let's say you have a girlfriend now, and I tell her, can you please go wait outside? You know, I think it's the best uh decision because in here, uh, you may not like some of the things we're going to say, you might be offended by some things. That's my opinion, right? Based on who I know. And I'm not commanding her, but I'm telling her, I think, I think you know, waiting outside may be a better choice. Now, the the lady listening and saying, Actually, you know what, you're right. I think I'll follow your decision and I'll go with outside. It gives the man an identity. Right now, now don't forget that I'm not commanding her, but I'm telling her this is what I believe might be the best decision for both of us is. The difference here is that some women have grown an identity for themselves where they believe now that you can't tell them what to do. Like, what do you mean I should go outside? I'm gonna wait here. Now, if you then wait here, and the thing I told you or advised you against, which is some things we're gonna say here might affect you, then you get offended by it, then we have a problem. And that's how we have this modern man, wonder woman dynamic. Because again, I, as the man, I wasn't asking for submission in the in the traditional way that we all know it, which is command woman, tell you go to this, stay in the kitchen. But do you know?
SPEAKER_05Do you know until like okay, I'm listening to what you're saying. Um, I also think it has a lot to do with trust. Because if you yes, so if this couple that you're talking about, if um in their you know experience in their relationship, they've been situations where um, like she fully trusts him. So I feel like if you fully trust somebody um when they make a decision, maybe a decision that they made and maybe you weren't there, or they just kind of said, Oh, I think we should do this, you trust this person, you know that this person always has your best interest at heart, then you're more likely to listen. That's the way, this is the way I believe, you know, this is how I believe submission um to be and being submissive to each other. So if I'm, you know, in a relationship with if I'm married to somebody and I fully trust this person and I know that this person or like their first priority is to make sure I'm okay, first priority is to have my back, first priority is to just make sure like I am super fine. If they say, I think we should do this, there's a good chance that I'll be like, this person has shown me repeatedly that when they make certain decisions, it's not based off of I'm the man I know best, it's based off of, okay, how is this gonna affect her? Is this gonna be good? Is this she is she gonna be okay? And all that. So when when you think about it, it's like more of a if you have that sort of trust in place where I know that, and it should be like a two-way thing. It should be like a two-way thing. So the way he's able to, you know, sort of make some decisions, I should now be in a situation where he trusts me enough to kind of just say, Well, um, tools will have a good reason for doing that. So I'm just gonna, you know, go on with it, go along with it and just believe that, okay, she she saw certain things or she felt like um this is what would work, you know, best for both of us. But I feel that is how I feel submission and being submissive to each other should work. But it doesn't work like that, it doesn't generally work like that. Um, because it's almost like a well, I'm the man I know better, so you gotta do what I say.
SPEAKER_08So I'll argue with that because it's not necessarily about being the man and knowing better, but so I'll still come back again to Bamie's reference of you know going to war. Not not because not even about the war that's a big thing.
SPEAKER_05Well the wars that you guys started.
SPEAKER_08Why would why women going to war if it so I'm not I'm not referring to it as war in particular, the term war, but the concept of going ahead and experiencing something first and then deciding, you know what, this now let me give you a simple example, right? So generally, of course, again, this is not like a I don't have the this is just a guesstimation, I don't have the uh statistics, but men would be better drivers generally, right? Again, like I said, I don't, but I'm sure if you check the statistics, hold on. I'm sure if you check the statistics, there are more better male drivers than female.
SPEAKER_03Actually, according to statistics, male drivers are more likely to get into accidents. That's why in societies like America, for example, women drivers pay less on insurance than men. We'll continue.
SPEAKER_08We'll get to that.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_08I'll put that on uh continue. Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_04So ChatGPT is giving rights.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so where I'm getting at with this is so the point you made about men thinking they know better doesn't always come from just the fact that they just believe they know better, just baseless rights. And I'm only gonna speak on my own personal experiences. I have a girlfriend, right? And we do have a lot of clashes, but I got to realize that a lot of our clashes are based on the fact that I have life experiences that have made me believe that I know exactly how to handle certain situations. So when she comes, but then the difference is that she also has similar life experiences, not in the same dynamic, but in similar dynamics, that make her feel that she knows how to handle those situations better than I do, then we clash. Now, the point where you find a man thinking he knows better is because he believes that experience is usually catered to men more than women. I'll give you a simple example again. When um learning to drive comes into play, men usually learn much younger than women, right? So you find boys from the age of 13, 14 already holding the steering wheel, trying to like make mistakes and whatnot, right? Girls maybe a lot more later, maybe from the 18, 19, and further down. Just that three to four year gap makes the man feel like if I'm teaching you how to drive, it's because I know this thing. Why are you arguing with me? I'm telling you turn left. You're telling me no, I didn't, I shouldn't turn left. Now, that's a simple dynamic of you assuming. Now the lady's assuming there that why are you arguing with me? I know exactly exactly what I'm doing. But the man feels like you're not listening to his instructions because he believes that there's a lot more, three to four years of experience before you.
SPEAKER_05He believes he knows better than her.
SPEAKER_08So, yeah, and not but not from the angle of because I'm a man.
SPEAKER_05Because I'm a man, because I have the experience. Exactly.
SPEAKER_08And so, like I said, there's certain situations that a man would have earlier experience than women, but women don't really think about that angle before then like clashing and saying, No, I know better than you, and blah blah blah. So I think you know, personally, I don't think a lot of men just move with the idea. I can't speak for all men, but I'm only saying for my experience.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna I'm gonna say something. Okay, okay. Most of the time, your girlfriend's probably right.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so I'm only saying Before I move, I'm gonna grab a drink. I'm sure you guys have seen this articles, tweets, memes, and stuff like that on social media about the male loneliness epidemic that's been happening, maybe not in Nigeria, but in some countries around the world.
SPEAKER_05I don't know, maybe it is. Do you guys feel lonely sometimes? Not even the slightest.
SPEAKER_03And then also for that. And then also, in some cases, I've also seen cases where I've seen I've read articles, I've listened to um um podcasts like Diary of a CEO, where he brings people on and he talks up, talks to people, and um they explain that for the first time in history, this is the first time women are in some cases and in some societies out-earning men, getting more educated, and for the first time, they're actually picking uh mates based on whether they like them or not, not because of survival, and that's and so they're like they're not picking a lot of guys, and so a lot of them are lonely as a cause as a result of this. What are your thoughts on that? Do you understand what I mean? What's going on? So I've been seeing, like, especially maybe in the US, for example, lots of, and I've I watch a lot of shows as well, like Um Love is Blind. Every year, a lot of solid girls, some crazy, and then every year, nonsense. I'll just be like, where did they find this guy from? Is this is it because they're trying to create entertainment, or what is going on in here?
SPEAKER_09I'm not gonna ask a question, basically. You know, like we all started this um conversation with like saying the modern man is a princess. Ah, that was.
SPEAKER_08Okay, you said okay, you said you don't agree? Uh you don't agree.
SPEAKER_09Okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_05Let's wait, wait, wait. No, it's because you call me baby. I was like, what? Sorry, sorry, baby. So um the modern guy is a do I agree that the modern guy is a princess? Um I don't know if I fully agree with that.
SPEAKER_08I think that's what parts would you agree with?
SPEAKER_05Um I would say that the modern guy is seems to be deeply conflicted with what they want to be, with which aspect of um, I guess, you know, yes, they want to. So I think I think in the past, what's happened is that um for a lot of situations, guys were able to dictate. You know, they were able to dictate what happened and all these different things, and now things have changed, and they're now kind of just trying to see, okay, which one can I it's like a pick and mix thing. It's like a pick a mix, just trying to figure out the best way. But I wouldn't say I think that most modern guys are princesses. I would say because I didn't say most. I say some most. Okay, most cool.
SPEAKER_08That's what I'm just calling tools.
SPEAKER_09To let you know, please go on. But I'm saying, okay, okay, okay. Is there something wrong with that? Well, being a princess, yeah, being the brain, being being the princess, like you put it. Let's just say is there something wrong with that? Because what I'm asking is because from like you said, the past and now, everything has changed. I'm going to give an example. Me, my example is my mom didn't work. Why? Because now she finished with her accounting. But my dad said, hey, nah, I gotta some luck. We'll be with the kids. That was their own, whatever. But my older sister now, she's married. She probably does like, okay, maybe not 50-50. Let me not talk before she's straight from this. But she's involved now. It's not like before she was just only her. Yeah, for sure. She's she's involved now. She like even the speaker say, I was involved. She's sharp, she's actively actively involved. And is that like what's wrong with that?
SPEAKER_03There's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that a lot of guys do not want to contribute when it comes to the home front. It is an extra job to run a household. Okay? Um, yes, for example, in modern-day Nigeria, we have cooks and we have nannies and we have drivers and we have this and that. But it is a full-time job to run a household.
SPEAKER_05Let me sorry, let me just buttress your point here. So if you think about um in an average marriage, right, if you think about what is expected of the wife, yeah. Um, looking after the kids, doing the cooking, doing the cleaning, doing all these different things. If you were to outsource each of those jobs to somebody, as in somebody's doing all the cooking, somebody's literally looking after the kids all the time, somebody's doing all the cleaning, somebody's doing all of that. How much do you think that's gonna cost monthly?
SPEAKER_08I mean, it's it's relative, so it depends.
SPEAKER_03And then it's also organizing people's schedules as well. That's why sometimes when I see those videos where they'll see a couple and their kids, and they ask, okay, what's your they ask the guys, what's your your daughter's, some of them don't even know their birthday. Their birthdays, they don't know their birthday, they don't know the best friend, they don't know the best friend, they don't live down, they don't even know the class, the class teacher's name many times. Like it's it's wild to me. Like you can't, okay, in today's world, let's be honest, the way the economy is, the economy is shit. We all know this. And unless you are part of the people they mention in Forbes year after year, the reality is that you cannot foot the bills by yourself, especially if you want to have a certain standard of living, whatever that standard is to you. Not everybody's gonna live in Banana Island, not everybody's gonna live in wherever is an affluence, whatever, but whatever the case may be, if you want this woman who is also working to contribute to some bills, even if it's not all the way up to 50-50, then you are going to contribute to running the house. Okay? And I feel that a lot of guys don't understand. They feel like, oh, it's me helping my wife. No, you are running, you are co-running that home together. So, because even if you have a nanny, a chef, a housekeeper, a cleaner, a this one, a that one, somebody still has to tell those people what to do. And this is why I saw a tweet the other day where someone said, Oh, my my child's friend is not coming to school. They have they have small children, but they're they're their the kids are not coming to school for the week because their mommy is not around, and daddy cannot handle pickups and drop-offs, and so they're not coming. Like, you want to be called, I've said this thing many times. I think I should put on a t-shirt, just be called head of home. But you can't be left alone with your child for a week. The child will need suffer because you can't handle piano class, swimming class, ballet class, football, everything. Those things they do, those random things they do in children's school, book club day, where you're supposed to dress as a car a character. Wait, you can't do it.
SPEAKER_05Let's ask, let's ask both of you this. Do you believe in 50-50?
SPEAKER_08Okay, so first of all, I have one million questions, right? I have one million questions. But before I even get to them, maybe I should start by answering your question first.
SPEAKER_05Yes, do you believe in 50-50?
SPEAKER_08Um, so not entirely. So, first of all, I believe that and maybe again that's some level of you know, uh, mild traditional against mild modernism is if I have the financial capacity, my wife shouldn't be doing like she shouldn't be having to work too hard. Honestly, I feel like I would have that discussion on what direction she is to go with, which is does she want to like work for money? Because again, you know, there's some people who actually enjoy working for money. Like some people actually enjoy the concept of a nine to five. Some people enjoy that, right? And then there's some people who just it's not really their thing. I feel like if I have the financial capacity, I'm gonna ask her first. Like, what direction are you going in, right? Now, the only reason I'm able to ask her that question is I'm equipped with the skills to handle the children when she can't. And this is where I'm getting at now with my questions, my one million questions. So, can we all first of all agree that there was a traditional dynamic, maybe up until like about the 60s, 70s, give or take, right? So, where the man goes out to work, the woman's home with the kids, good. Which also then ultimately means that how the kids turn up is somewhat dependent on how the mother raises them. Somewhat, somewhat. Somewhat, okay, good, right. Which also means that if two guys, three guys, four guys are sitting in a room, and of those four guys, only two know how to really take care of a home, while two, or the other two Let me see where you're going in this. Hold on, relax. While the other two are not quite that equipped on how to navigate a family, right? And when I say navigate a family, I mean things like the guy can cook, the guy can click. Everything the woman should do but can't do. Well, I when I say should do, I mean in our society, we have to talk about the things.
SPEAKER_05Pick your words carefully. No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_08We have to talk about context. In the Nigerian context, the women say they must raise their adulters a certain way, while the men a certain way. Is that a is that an agreement or not? Which we may we're talking about traditional times still.
SPEAKER_03Okay. No, I'm trying to understand. Okay, go ahead. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_08In the traditional times, they raised women differently than they raised men.
SPEAKER_03Even now, let's be honest.
SPEAKER_08So we're on the same page. Good. So it means that when we sit in a room with four guys, two of those guys who know how to do the domestic things, and two of those guys who don't, still ultimately to some extent, not as high, but to some extent. Down to the mom, right? And and um so now the question then's not a playing game, right? But this is a this is an understanding of the fact that even when the woman knows what the man should do, when it's time to raise children, that completely just evaporates. Because again, I'll give an example, you have two two kids, right? Are they two boys? Fantastic. So now, in the event that you're raising your two boys, of course, I'm not it's not a question of how you raise them, but where I'm getting at is that a lot of mothers in that time, maybe not now, do not think that these two boys they are raising are the same two boys that are going to either be able to raise a home or not. All they're doing is just raising these two boys to be two boys that you know navigate life. But now, when those two boys then grow to not be people who can raise a home, who do we blame? Again, not a blame game here. But you just said who do we blame? Wait, hold on, hold on. Not a blame game here, because me saying who do we blame is not that I'm looking for who to blame, it's that I'm trying to point out that again, this is not a men do this, women don't do this. I feel like there's a the man has a role to play. I'll give an example. If I get married now, right? If I get married now, there's no way that my children are not learning domestic skills. Okay, well, what my wife would do. If my wife chooses, they don't need to be in the kitchen. I would then insist, I think I need these kids in the kitchen. I'm in a I'm in a home of four boys. We have no sister. I don't have the experience of what it's like to have a sister, right? But if you see me in the kitchen, if you see me cleaning, it's you would ask me, Do you have well, you see? I I was raised in a home where the mother that I was raised with would not even hear that what do you mean I'm in the kitchen, you're not in the kitchen with me. Exactly. So so it's so it's and this is me saying then that this was also backed up by my dad saying, Your mom's in the kitchen, go and help her. So this is why I said it's not a blame game. But it's how we choose to raise that, but you see, there's a traditional mindset, and I and I think the way I'm getting at is this, right? There are certain people, certain Nigerians, who have chosen that the concept of a mom role, dad role thing should apply to also their children. They carry that. So even the women who carry the bitterness of this should not be this way, still raise their children. Yes, it's unconscious, right? It's not it's not an intentional thing, but it's unconscious. And I've seen that happen a lot. I see so you hear girls now, today. You even read comment section and it's my boys cannot see. Well, why should you even worry about this? I'm gonna raise my boys in this software. You even watch content.
SPEAKER_05No, I strongly disagree with that. I strongly no, there's a lot of content I watched. No, when I say I strongly disagree with that, I strongly disagree with letting that happen. It's one of the things, one of the things I really, really, really am so determined to teach my boys is you it's you can't see the kitchen is anybody's space, the kitchen is everyone's space. And I it it doesn't make sense. So when I I get very irritated when I hear um actually both like you know, men and women say I can't cook, I'm like, that is a survival skill. Nobody's asking you to be a freaking gourmet chef, but you should be able to look after yourself. So there's certain skills that I'm just like, okay, this is not a man-woman, it is like a are you an adult? Are you an adult? Can you look okay? You're in a house, there's raw food, can you convert it into something you can eat or will you perish in that room?
SPEAKER_03They will perish, and that's what I believe. And that's why that's what I believe. Even food apps are thriving. I agree. I'm not gonna mention the food app, but they're making billions every year.
SPEAKER_05My my thing, my thing is, first of all, um, I'm so determined. Excuse my French, I'm not gonna raise it. Fuck boys. I absolutely am so against that. They're going to learn and bless my first son. Um, anytime I'm in the kitchen, he's always like, Can I cut veggies for you? Can I do this? Can I do that? Or what are you cooking, mama? This and I love that, and I love that. And it's not a case, it's never going to be a case of go and sit down. No, you're gonna be there. You're going to, you know, one of the things he loves doing is now he wants to like crush the stock cubes and everything. That's nice. The other one, he's like, Let me watch the plates, but everywhere's a pool afterwards. But he tried, he tried. So I really am trying to reinforce that whole thing. This is not a house where you can go and sit down because oh, I'm a boy or whatever, and then I will do all the work home. No, it's not like that. You're going to soon they're going to be clearing the roof of all the dead leaves and everything, all of that stuff.
SPEAKER_09That's the same exactly how raised. My dad was not having that. But here's the thing still.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, some people who were raised this way. I can cook. I can say that. You can say well. I can't say well. I can cook for survival. Cook for survival.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, I'm very great at following recipes. Yeah, tell me, do this, do this, do this. I will kill it. So you mean that the the emotional issues, rather, is there?
SPEAKER_03I don't I've seen situations where people I know. Um, let's say, let's give an example. Guy works at KPMG.
SPEAKER_05Give an example, woman works at Accenture, or any similar or any similar, you know.
SPEAKER_03Um the reason I'm mentioning these companies is because these are highly demanding jobs, and they both come back home late at night, and the guy is like, I'm not entering the you are the wife now, cook something. And I'm thinking to myself, you both had you both had to go out and make money. You both are paying bills in this home. So why is it that you get to put your feet up and you know, you're expecting tray service, they should serve your food. Or and this same couple that I'm talking about, they eventually had a baby. And first of all, the guy used to complain. The guy used to complain, first of all, that he did not get married to be eating e tree food one. So, what she used to do was stop by an e tree or somewhere and buy like dinner so she won't have to get home and start cooking. And then he used to complain about that. They eventually had a baby, and the baby is crying. She's in the kitchen cooking, and this guy's like, Come on, carry the baby. The baby is crying, no, like things like that. You you so there's some people who were quote unquote raised right, but they they grow up and they're like, nah, F that. I want the traditional way, or they do the whole I can't eat freezer soup. That kind of so who you want this babe who is contributing to the bills to come back and cook you fresh stew every day.
SPEAKER_05Are you okay? The the annoying thing is they don't tell you that in the beginning. It's after you've already entered, and you're just and you're like, you know, there was there was back in the day, there was somebody, there was somebody that I was dating, and I was like, and this um what's it called, grow up in the UK, everything. Those ones, ladies, let me tell you, come closer. Those ones, those are they can be the biggest scammers because you feel like you've met like a modern, you know, um well-adjusted, oh, he's not gonna be like those ones. But there's something weird that happens, like, and I also think it's if you marry them in Nigeria, there's like a default, there's like a default switch that goes off because they go from being somebody that was probably living in his like one-bedroom, two-bedroom apartment in the UK, happily looking after himself, maybe you know, learning how to like throw some things together from you know, Saints Breeze or whatever, but all of a sudden you guys get married, and then it's like a different dynamic. So, yes, this person uh was dating dating him, and then he was now saying he can't eat day old rice. I was like, I was like, I don't understand. I was like, What do you mean by that? I can't eat dealed rice. I was like, by the time you put that rice on the stove, nobody will tell you, nobody can say like it was in the microwave.
SPEAKER_03This is why the microwave was invented, but that warm eat, warm eats well, dear.
SPEAKER_05Because you put it, you know what? If you want if you want your rice to taste very fresh, warm it on the stove, that's better. But I was just like, when you were saying this, I was like, Yeah, we're not getting married. You know what?
SPEAKER_08So I think I think the question, first of all, is you did mention about men being raised right, but then not. So I feel like if you are already in the chain of thoughts where day old rice is not edible rice, that's already poor raising. Because there's no, I can't even sugarcoat that. There's no version of being raised right that has that version of mind or fresh soup every day.
SPEAKER_05So all that's exactly.
SPEAKER_08So all that is not even, but what I will say though is it's it's still a it's it's still a two-gender problem here, and that's where I'm getting at all this. It's not a one person is doing this wrong, and then the other person needs to correct them or whatever the case, right? Now, modern men being princesses, which is one of the genesis of all of this. So modern men being princesses, right? Of course, in the aspect of you know, being taken care of rather than doing the taking care of, now comes back to now comes back to the question of because you mentioned something very, very strong here, and I I I had I had no no, it's it's it's a good thing. I had I had actually like you know spun off of that, and that was that has something to do with you know the the modern man you also mentioned something, you know, in the event that they don't show that in the beginning, yes. Then it's during the relationship you get to see that it's called frauditional, it's fall fraud, that's what it's fraud. Agreed, he's more traditional than you had bargained for. Now, those are the exceptions to this rule we're discussing here because those ones are the ones that I also mentioned earlier, they like to exploit the situation, which is the situation favors men, favors men, which is they look back on history and they say, uh see how you mentioned that you know your dad had told your mom, hey, I got everything on lock. Someone would see that model and say, uh-uh. My father was the one that worked and my mom did everything. They would not remember that the father is the one that worked and took over everything, they would only remember the version where the mom did most of the raising. So they don't remember that you too paid.
SPEAKER_09Everything financial single dime.
SPEAKER_08Exactly. And now the problem is that that situation is advantageous to the man. So a lot of modern men take traditional values only from the women's side rather than the man's side, which is why I hear a lot of women say if you're gonna be, if you want a traditional woman, be a traditional man. That's why you hear a lot of that now because a lot of men try to use the advantage of what a traditional woman should be in a you know, in a home, and then that, you know, without being the traditional man.
SPEAKER_03They want that on paid labor.
SPEAKER_08It's like easy okay, having it.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so I have two questions. Uh, my first question is this. Um, again, I think this this has to do with like the whole fraud thing that I've mentioned. Um, I have through friends, through you know, family members, through whatever, I have um heard about situations where again, you're dating somebody, you know, thinking he's a modern, well-adjusted man. And um, in terms of when you were dating, he gives that impression of, oh, I believe in partnership, I believe in this. But you get married and then you find out that as a woman, you are doing everything. Like you're making, you know, you're the one that's um doctor's appointments, everything. Doctor's appointments, taking the kids to school, and your workload is crazy. And this person just sees you doing all of this, and it's never a oh, can I can I do this? Oh, you know, what do we need to do? Never jump and like literally they can see you doing all of this, trying to manage work, trying to do everything, and it's never a case of offering to do something.
SPEAKER_09Well, in that situation, I think you are bamboozled. That's the truth about it. Because different people and there are different traits, nobody's gonna, even some ladies, too, they won't show you their traits until you guys have now locked into a certain level, which I don't think anybody should. Yeah, here's what I think in general, but people do.
SPEAKER_03I think that people in pro in positions of privilege, there's a lot of male privilege, and it's you have to go out of your way to kind of you know, uh, to to to circumvent that privilege. And I think a lot of guys what they need to understand is when you're coupled up or you're married, is don't wait for her to tell you what to do. Some guys say, but you did not tell me what you did not tell me you need help. You have common sense. Step in. You know, and it's not just the manual labor, there's also the mental labor of it to say the woman is also as she's yes, you can outsource some things. You can have a laundry guy, you can have a nanny, you can have a chef, you can have a driver, but there's other things. His mother's birthday is coming up. Who is the person thinking of what gifts to give? Who is the person thinking of, oh, this kid has interhouse pots and they are doing caristhenics, they are doing red house, and they are also running. Who is the person going to run around for those costumes? Who is the person that is going to plan the Christmas uh party for the for the family? Who is the like there's so many things that we don't realize is unpaid labor. You know, you have to think about this show. Sorry, can I say something? Yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_09I get it's on paid labor and stuff, but like that labor everyone keeps keeps talking about is your family that you created by yourself. But you didn't create a family by yourself. That's what I said. Like when I say by yourself, I mean two of you can do it. In general, sorry, to answer the first question you asked about you believe in 50-50. So an extent, because growing up, I was taught that yeah, the guy pays for everything. Like I said, now my dad sorted everything out. Okay, cool. Yeah, I believed that back then, but now coming up, I don't think I should pay for um, I don't think it should be 50-50, but like 70-30. Okay, because as in you pay for 70 years, like in the last situation because me and you now that were dating or whatever that were about to get married, so of us were in uni together. Your father and my father pay for the same education that we both studied. We both graduated, you even passed me. You understand? You did better than me in the so-called school. Well, I've not come out now. Why am I because I'm just the guy, the man?
SPEAKER_07That's the only thing.
SPEAKER_09What was the education? What's your education for? That's the way our own mentality has come now because everybody's evolving and whatever we've lived this and live that. Okay, yeah, yeah, like two of us went to the same school, everything. Well, now we're not in the dating phase and all that kind of stuff. Your butt job at what I I'll cover most of it because I was triggered that way, viewed that way that oh, the man is the head of the air, he has to provide the provider, basically. But yo, why did you now why were you in the street for those day house? Let me ask you. Actually, let me ask me a question.
SPEAKER_05Let me ask you do you believe in 50-50?
SPEAKER_03Like when it comes to like uh the finances, it's never going to be I don't, it's never going to be 50-50. You know why? No, no, no, no. It's never it's not realistic. It's not realistic. I get what you're gonna do.
SPEAKER_05I don't believe in the city. So I'm talking about I'm talking about finances. I'm talking about finances. I think that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_03I think it's mean to think, unless the guy comes from like a super wealthy home, I think it is wicked to say he should pay for every single thing, especially in today's.
SPEAKER_05I look at it, I look at it based on earnings.
SPEAKER_03Okay, yes.
SPEAKER_05So for example, because you know there's certain couples that um whether this person is earning this, whether this person's earning that, they spit the rent, they spit the I don't do that.
SPEAKER_03Let's let's give practical examples. Let's say, for example, the husband earns, this is an example, and I know that's like 1.5. No, no, no, no. I was saying yeah, okay, let's say let's say the husband earns a hundred M a year, and the woman earns 50 m per year. I think it's unfair to ask for 50 50 because the the the income disparity is there. Yes. Do you understand? Now, if you both earn close to, do you understand? I still feel that, and again, unfortunately, no matter how much you try to be. Progressive in your home and push the guy to do more when it comes to taking care of the home and other things. It's very, it's really you have to do a lot of effort, you have to make a lot of effort for him to put in equal amounts of labor when it comes to running the household. Yes.
SPEAKER_05Do you know do you know what do you know what I was gonna say? Um basically, uh, with regards to this whole you know earning thing, I feel that um if you're making 100, I'm making 50. Uh, first of all, I should not be paying rent. You should handle that. So um, in terms of the things that I should be handling, maybe groceries, you know, all of yeah. Add up. Add up, the add up, but you know, depending on that. And um, one of the things that I can, oh, I can give I can give advice now about marriage. Because I've been I've been married for 10 years. So I can give advice. I can give advice. So one of the things too much later, I know. Okay, so one of the things I've learned, and I think this is, I don't know if this is like a Nigerian guy thing, I don't know if it's a guy thing in general, but when you're in a situation, when you're in a household and you find that you're doing um you're doing everything and you're waiting for, okay, you're gonna jump in and be like, let me do that, let me do that. I feel like a lot of guys, it doesn't register with them. So sometimes if you're if you are um a woman that's kind of used to just getting on with shit, you just get on with shit, and your workload just gets more and more and more. And what I learned is I need to start delegating. So there was a day, um, there was a day that I needed to go to work, and then my two sons needed to get their vaccinations and everything. And I was just like, if I leave work at three and I do this and I whatever. And then I was like, I was like, I didn't burn these crutch babies myself. So I just had to tell the dad, okay, you know what, this is what's happening, this is the book, this is the book, take them to the hospital. And I was like, he he this is this is somebody that's very intelligent. So and he was able to do it. So literally, I was just thinking, why didn't I? So I think that if you are, um, particularly for the ladies, if you are in that position, um, unfortunately, there's some some guys that get it, there's some guys that don't. And I think we also do this thing where we just keep on taking more and more and more.
SPEAKER_03Would it also be that you should just be able to delegate? Yeah, sometimes they mess it up. And that's where they do this, they weaponized incompetence.
SPEAKER_05Well, we have not had that.
SPEAKER_03So, you know, a situation where they send some like where you're like, yo, stop at the grocery store, please get this, get this, get this, get this. And they bring some strange items home.
SPEAKER_05Then they then they will go borrowed, they will go back to uh defense.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, things you guys always request for the specificity of it is is I saw I brought no no no no no no no clip where a woman sent her, like told her husband, please do the grocery shopping. She even put pictures. I sent pictures of these items, and he still messed it up. And then I saw a tweet where some guy said, mess it up, so I shouldn't ask you to do it again.
SPEAKER_05You go back, you will you will go back, you go back because if I'm if if I buy apples, right, and they're nice, juicy red apples. Why are the apples you you bought, why are they like brown and bruised and everything? You go back, you go back.
SPEAKER_08Let me let me just we've said so many things, yeah. But I'll first start with um some of the stuff Baby said. Baby, yes, I'm not exclusive, it's like I'm like giving him some look like this so he can sense. Let me start with a few things that Baby said, which was um being able to handle certain things that have to do with the house, the house. You know, you even meant something, some stuff a little outside of the house, but more within the extended family, which is like you know, you're having a mom's birthday and stuff like that. So I'm gonna say this also based on like real events and real experiences. Right, in fact, I think I'm correctly going through this, and um what we fail to understand is outside of the roles that both genders in quotes need to play, in quotes, there's also personality traits that we seem to, for some reason, completely throw out the window.
SPEAKER_05Sounds like you're setting up for an excuse.
SPEAKER_08And I like how that's comfortable to say, right? But then if I told you also that you know, I had a tennis tournament coming up, but then tennis is not your thing, but then for some reason, I thought because you're the woman and you plan things a lot, you should be able to plan my the things I'm gonna need for tennis and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_05You go there naked. Don't plan yourself.
SPEAKER_08Good. So now you've exactly buttressed my point, which is tennis is not your thing.
SPEAKER_05No, it isn't even about tennis being my thing. Why would I why would you expect me to pack everything we haven't had a discussion or something?
SPEAKER_08It's not an expectation, it's the fact that you usually prefer to do the planning. That's exactly what I mean by character traits. First of all, every woman, every woman in any relationship usually prefers to handle the planning because they believe that the man can't really handle the planning. Now, in the event that the man has shown that he can, then they let him. But in most cases, let's even just play back. So all the passport office visits, visa appointments, everything to do with school entrance exams. Who handles it?
SPEAKER_03Mommy.
SPEAKER_08No, now now we can also say that again, the man was negligent and not involved. I don't even, I can't give you full details on how they did their marriages back then.
SPEAKER_05I don't handle anything at the airport.
SPEAKER_08Okay, good. No, no, we'll get to that, right?
SPEAKER_03And but that's his office.
SPEAKER_05I just walk, I just walk. When we travel, I just walk. I don't know. So we're saying the same thing.
SPEAKER_08The same thing here is that we seem to, for some reason, because we know that one, when the marriage starts, there's a if it has to do with car, it's the man, if it has to do with food, is the woman, if it has to do with clothes, is the woman. If you have to do with programmed, there's a pre-programming, right? But the problem is that when you guys were dating, you and you knew exactly who you were dating, which is my girlfriend does not plan anything, doesn't know how to do things. Now, now, now, you could have had a problem with that, right? But I feel like there's also a questionable uh there's a question to ask if you then proceeded to marriage with that person and ignore the red fact.
SPEAKER_05So basically, it's your fault if you follow this.
SPEAKER_08Okay, all right, let's let's let's yeah, go ahead. So, where I'm getting out with this is that there are also people just on the flip side who would do those things because that's their nature. I have so many male friends who love to do the planning instead, right? In which case, in their marriage, you see them be the ones to take the kids to school. Take the kids to all the several medical apartments they need to, right? Take the kids to whatever it is they need to do, handle the home in a way that a man generally and typically wouldn't handle a home, but that's also because the woman saw those traits in the man and chose that man. Now, the question I'm going to ask now is would you then say it's fair to have seen the man who does not like to plan handles other things, whatever it is, maybe financials, whatever it is. But it's not his thing to, he doesn't know how to get gifts. He hasn't been his character traits at any point in your relationship. Even in your relationship, you could tell from the way he gives that it's more the money that he makes that drives that than his creativity, right? So what that means is because he has a lot of money, he can buy you that Gucci belt, the Gucci bag, but not because he was creative to think that you've been talking about Gucci for the last couple of months. Right? Now, where I'm getting out with this is that What's your question? That's the question now. The question now is that would you then say it's fair to say that that person was not participant in the relationship because they were already doing the things you were literally dating them for? That's my question.
SPEAKER_05I think if you have somebody that um while you were dating or at the beginning, uh buying, you know, certain gifts didn't seem to be their strength. I think that if you're in a situation with somebody, you care for this person and you want like a sort of long-term thing, I think you can make an effort. So there's certain people that they don't know how to gift. They don't really, it's not their thing. But guess what? You can get help. It doesn't mean you have to get it right all the time, but I think if you show an effort, if you know that this is this person's love language, for example, I think if you show effort that I tried, I'm hearing you. I know that this is your love language, I'm trying. Even if you get it wrong, I think the effort, the effort put into it is actually what matters. Yes, go ahead. If if if that's okay with her at that time, but if she is wanting a creative gift, if she's wanting a gift that you know you have picks. Yeah, then I think you can actually try. You know, also if she's into poetry and you don't you can't string two or three words together, guess what? Go on chat GPT. I want to tell her I like her brown eyes. I want to compare her eyes to the do you understand?
SPEAKER_08So it's poets. So you know, I think it's subjective, right? It's it's making the effort.
SPEAKER_05It's making it making the effort.
SPEAKER_08I agree with it, but there's also a strong point. I like this is why I get it.
SPEAKER_05If you don't make the effort, you're actually lazy.
SPEAKER_08This is why I talk about context. Have you both dated a Nigerian woman? No, no, but I'm not talking about it right now. Oh, are you a Nigerian woman? Are you really because Nigerian men don't exactly give the grace of effort with mistakes?
SPEAKER_03Nigerian women, say that again from my experience, yes.
SPEAKER_08Okay, from my experience, Nigerian men don't give you the efforts with mistakes, which means that you see the effort in my chat GPC.
SPEAKER_03Is that why you're you're dating a non-Nigerian now?
SPEAKER_08To be honest, we'll get to that. Let's focus, please, guys. Okay, so now again, of course, I can't speak for all Nigerian men because I've not dated all Nigerian men, right?
SPEAKER_03But for my dating this person, has been talking about this person who broke his heart in secondary school for years. Like, how does your girlfriend? How does your girlfriend feel about you talking about that wicked ex that left you that did you?
SPEAKER_08I remember there was only this person I liked back in high school then the no was public.
SPEAKER_03I've been listening to it, I've been listening to it. There's also post-university. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And you didn't expect this, but she's here today.
SPEAKER_08Guys, so the point here is that it's cute to say with the words, but the Nigerian woman is not exactly that.
SPEAKER_05I I think you should say Nigerian women.
SPEAKER_03I think we need to ask some questions. We're married women, we've been married for years, you've been married for 10, I've been married for eight. You are single men, well in your 30s. Why?
SPEAKER_05Was your father not married at this age? Wait, wait.
SPEAKER_03Wait, it's it's not by force. I have to say this disclaimer it's not by force to marry, but why are you not married, Muriwa? In this, you are almost 40, brother. What good?
SPEAKER_08Am I almost 40? Anyways, I'll get to that. Right, and she does have a strong question. So, just to finalize on what I was saying, my point was just that major Nigerian women do not give you the grace.
SPEAKER_03I want to marry. You know what the problem is. You know what it is, you know what it is. You know, you know what I have seen, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. What I have seen is that because I have so many girlfriends, you have reasonably beautiful girlfriends who are educated, they're kind, they're well behaved, and they are single because they keep meeting idiot after idiot. But the problem, and then but meanwhile, then you hear single Nigerian men complain about Nigerian women, they like money, they like this, they like that. And I'm just thinking, but you know what they want? They want bodies.
SPEAKER_05But but I think the um uh the average Nigerian guy will complain about um Nigerian women just loving money and everything, but let the Nigerian guy hammer and make money. That is a fucking he will literally be like, I have money for you. Come, come, come, come, come. So you guys can't be complaining about, you know, you can't you guys can't be complaining about women, Nigerian women loving money when it seems like that's your only game. Okay, good.
SPEAKER_08No, I love the fact that you have money for that game.
SPEAKER_06I love the fact that you both have that's their only game.
SPEAKER_08I don't need to have a personality, I don't need to, you know. Let me also say that I love the fact that you guys have brought this on. We had you know me, I like conversations. Yes, so would you first of all consider both of you as baddies?
SPEAKER_05Yes, yes, hold on. Yes, I'm still a mummy buddy. Good. Okay, so baddies.
SPEAKER_08Yes, would you then say if you were my taste or you were my taste, I'll be reaching too much?
SPEAKER_04Say that again.
SPEAKER_08Would you say if you were both my taste, which is baddies, then I'll be doing beyond my that's that's a weird question.
SPEAKER_05I don't I don't understand.
SPEAKER_08We say we don't like money, but then go for the bodies.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. Here's what you want. You they want a body, you know. Like, let me give you an I don't want to mention, I don't want to mention any name.
SPEAKER_05So there's levels of body. Yes, yes, yes, yes. There's quite quite bad, there's a cotton body, there's a somewhere.
SPEAKER_03You can't tell me I'll say it too. Just by looking at her, you know that this girl is a body. Okay, what do you mean? Let's define that. Hold on, special, body fine, whether it's natural wig on point, everything on point, she's fine, right? But I also know nice, attractive girls who are well educated, they don't need your money, but Nigerian men will complain and say, Oh, girls, all they want is money. We're contradicting ourselves. Wait, wait, wait.
SPEAKER_08So again, again, wait, every single thing, and I know I'll let you finish your point, right? But every single thing you guys are both described nice body, nice face, wig on point, fashion, also, even probably has money. How does that just do how does that not describe both of you?
SPEAKER_03Here's what happens. No, no, no, here's what happened. Now, again, we're not from this era, okay? No, no, no, we got married a long time ago.
SPEAKER_08That does not worry.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. Here's the thing the problem is, and then I see Nigerian men complain all the time on social media about oh, all these girls want is money. There are certain sorts of girls that you look at and you know that you are you don't want her because she's intelligent, you want her because you know that once she enters anywhere with you, everybody's gonna be looking at you on you. You know that that's the sort of you want eye candy. So go and meet your eye candy. But the problem now is you are now using that eye candy brush to paint all the other people. There are reasons oh, real life, real life, I'll give you, I'll tell you who it is. Somebody who was on our show before. I want to I want to say what season. Very intelligent lady, beautiful, and somebody tried to hook her up with their friend.
SPEAKER_04Their friend, no, no, no, no, no, no, with their own friend.
SPEAKER_03Like, oh, you're my friend, a girl, you're my friend, a guy, you are smart, you're beautiful. Come and meet my guy. He said, I don't want you what they were eyeing, they were eyeing one body, and the person said to them, You see that body you are eyeing, she's my relative. You cannot afford her, and you have high blood pressure. Follow this girl that is smart and will raise you beautiful, smart children. But no!
SPEAKER_09He followed the body.
SPEAKER_03As the body who has does not have career, does not have a career path, she okay. You see, and you think, Wow, beautiful girl, buddy. That's what you want, but you will now say they only want money. You can see this girl is driving an exotic car without a job, but that's the one your eyes are going to.
SPEAKER_09What's that? I said she those people that where them plenty.
SPEAKER_03It's your master. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. I don't look for bad. Why are you not why are you not the relationship with the person you spend Valentine's Day with? He spent Valentine.
SPEAKER_05He had company. Who did you spend who did you spend Valentine's Day with? He had company, but he didn't mention it.
SPEAKER_09Cozy with someone, everywhere is warm on the fire.
SPEAKER_05There was somebody okay. Let us can we can we uh let's move on, let's move on to this next topic and wrap up. Why is this is again a you guys uh you know modern men rights? Why for the modern men is the word feminism still a slur?
SPEAKER_08For what modern men? Definitely not me or us.
SPEAKER_05So here's the thing's thing, and I think when I was checking back on the so why do you think that um unfortunately a lot of men in this generation still see feminism feminism as a bad thing?
SPEAKER_08Because they see because again, I mentioned earlier on, and I'll let you talk about this. The the remember I spent I mentioned earlier on that men are equipped by the concept of owning power. Owning power is identity. But the moment where you start to question that power by your own power, which is the power that you've women have fought for this, so they have power as well, right? So, in the in the moments where your power now starts to question mine, I as a man, insecure man, of course, in most cases, start to feel that my identity is also being questioned. Because the little thing that the one thing actually that gives me identity as a man is power. There's nothing else. As a man, there's nothing else. Power can be attributed to sexual powers in the bed. Power can be attributed to my strong ideas in you know making decisions. So many other things can power be attributed to, right? But it still comes down to power. And then the minute that begins to get questioned, then me as a man start to feel less of a man or not even a man at all, because you've now put that to question because you can do that thing that I can do. And now I'm like, okay, so where am I being a man in this?
SPEAKER_05And that's where so essentially, men that um don't like or feel threatened by feminism are men that um are generally scared of losing their power.
SPEAKER_08Insecure. That's exactly that.
SPEAKER_05Insecure. Okay, okay, all right.
SPEAKER_03We we cannot finish this conversation. Um, should we go into fan mail? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go into fan mail. This is like a you know fan mail, real quick. We want your advice.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. You read it.
SPEAKER_03Okay, Deg with me on tools. Hi, my queens. First of all, I absolutely love off-air. You two have become my unofficial big sisters in my head, so please help me before I start overthinking myself into hypertension. So I met someone, and honestly, on paper and in real life, he's almost everything I prayed for. He's kind, like genuinely kind, not performative Twitter kindness. He's funny without trying too hard. He's fine, he's well spoken, emotionally aware, at least from what I've seen so far. We have great conversations, great chemistry, and actually enjoy each other's company. From the beginning, I was very clear about what I want. I'm dating intentionally, and I want a relationship that will lead to marriage. He said he wants the same thing, no games, no let's just vibe and see. So far, so good. But there's one thing that has been quietly scratching my brain, and I don't know if I'm being paranoid or perceptive. This man dodges money conversations like Neo dodging bullets. At first, I thought I told my new, for those of you who have not seen The Matrix, anyway. At first I told myself, calm down, sis, not everything is a red flag, but it keeps happening. For example, I was telling him about how I was overlooked for promotion at work for a long time, and when they finally promoted me, they tried to add a very small amount to my salary. It was very insulting. We were deep in conversation, and I casually asked him how much he earned. Abame and tools, this man refused to answer. Not in a playful way, not in a I'll tell you later way. He just neatly sidestepped the question and changed the topic. Now here's my confusion. I am not a gold digger. I have my own job, I pay my own bills. I'm not even trying to audit anybody's bank account. But at the same time, what exactly is he hiding? If we're both saying we want something serious that leads to marriage, is financial transparency not part of that journey? Or am I trying to jump to chapter 10 when we're still on chapter 3? Everything else about him is a green flag, but this one is making my antenna stand-ups more small. Please tell me, am I overthinking this or is my spirit speaking up something that my eyes haven't fully seen yet? Signed, trying not to be a detective, but my spirit is restless.
SPEAKER_05Yes, please. What's what are your thoughts?
SPEAKER_09Why should she run? She makes her own money now. That's money, she's not there. She's like she said, she's not a gold digger. So why should she run?
SPEAKER_03What if what's so difficult about you saying what you asked?
SPEAKER_09He doesn't want to answer number one because he doesn't. Feel as a man, yes, you don't feel like you're making enough at that time. I've been in a situation whereby there was someone I was dead for, but I just felt like in my life she was way ahead of me before I could catch her. So that did not work out or whatever because of that parole. Because and I didn't say anything to her, she doesn't know, she didn't know, but me, I just so you just killed it, just went on my way because I'm like, this one is too way ahead of me. I was not financially capable or whatever. So he is knows already, he's not on our level. So she's could leave him now. She could leave him, but she makes her own money. Why is she leaving him?
SPEAKER_05Okay. I I think she should, I think she should actually ask him. I've noticed that when I talk about money, when I bring up money, you're uncomfortable to um to talk about it. Why? And then take it from there. Because I find that if somebody is this is this is like that the that thread that if you keep pulling, if you keep pulling, something else will just you know keep unraveling. So I think it's definitely um it's should I say, it's almost a red flag. Um, and it depends on how he answers.
SPEAKER_08So you know, you know what I would say is first of all, what we define as red or green flags is very subjective. It depends on the person. Depends on the person, right? So what you miss as a red flag might not be a red to me.
SPEAKER_03It might be a carnival to someone.
SPEAKER_08But what I will say is on the flip side of what Isyama has said, it could also be the complete opposite, where he actually earns way too much and then believes that the minute he discloses that, the entire dynamic of the split will completely change, especially from the context of her complaining that the raise was not raised enough. So either her seeing that he makes a lot more money that actually would never really need her to work a day in her life again would now put him in a place where she now doesn't be eyeing his money. So it might not even be that it might not even be that she's doing that. But every single action she takes might now look like that to him, even though she's just innocently saying, Oh, so can you buy me this? Even though her saying buy me this is not anchored on the information of how much he earns.
SPEAKER_05Do you know what? So when you're dating somebody, at what point should you disclose how much you're earning?
SPEAKER_08To be honest, I think where he's going to what do you think? No, like you're in a relationship. Like you're already like boyfriend and girlfriend. Honestly, once you guys have decided that, again, this again, my train of thoughts, I'll only be dating somebody that I potentially see myself getting married to, right? I I'm not dating because, well, I like you, you like me, let's just date. No, it doesn't happen like that, right? I'm dating because potentially we might get married. It might not work out. That's the plan. That's the plan. That's the plan. It might not work out for whatever reasons might happen, but that's the intention. When? Mama, have you not seen economy? Somebody should beg me, please. Marriage is not.
SPEAKER_05But, anyways, anyways, anyways. What's that ring salmon? She wants to ring, she wouldn't have really so the the concept of dating would be to marry, right?
SPEAKER_08And I think if you're already sorry, sorry.
SPEAKER_09I think if you're already dating to marry, I was gonna say if you like if you're so dating.
SPEAKER_08This is what I do with guys every single day of my life. This is what I deal with. This is what I do with. I'm sorry, but yeah, so if I'm dating to marry, then it means that at the point where we are dating, that is boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm sorry, but all of the information should belong to me, and all of my information should belong to you. This is the this is because the only people who have a problem with this, right, are people who are not sure where this dating leads.
SPEAKER_03Um so should it be a question of so what are you earning, or should it be a case of like is it that or do you ask questions that helped me? So I think that's a personality thing.
SPEAKER_09What are you earning is? It's a personality thing. Like you said, some people can ask it seems kind of weird.
SPEAKER_05If I'm dating you know somebody and they ask me that, that's the FBI, like why you're not gonna be able to do like you lose what's your style, but I felt I feel like there's there's ways you can kind of work your way into that question, right?
SPEAKER_08So, like now, now also if I'm dating somebody who I also know is like that, who will just ask me what are you earning, then of course I should not be surprised by the question because that's who I'm dating to. Especially in very open, I know the person is doing that. Exactly. So, in that in that you know, hemisphere, I'm just gonna be like, okay, you know what? It's an accountable question to answer, but I know it's you, so I'm earning this and this. Only again because the plan was to date to marry. So, me disclosing that is me keeping my security or safety in the hands of person, the person I hope to marry. Now, it may not work out, and people would always say an argue that, ah, you know, she'll use this information against you, but I'm dating you to marry you. If it doesn't work out, then that's my loss.
SPEAKER_03Last question. So she decides, so you decide to have this conversation about finances, and you say, Okay, come. Give me a range, give me a range, and she's earning three times your salary. Okay. Do you feel emasculated? Do you run away? What do you do today? You up to date.
SPEAKER_09Me personally. Hell no. I don't feel emasculated or anything. We've gone to the time where you don't even know this person might just be a model and she takes she uses these glasses to do something, and she's earning four times what you're making. So if that is what is going to make you run away from please, that's to them their opinion. Me, I don't care about that. Yeah, I'll prefer to earn more, yes, because as the man, but if she's earning more, what do the kids would? What do they want to go for holiday, my dear? What do you say? I've crossed my leg back. Precise treatment, let's keep it pushing. Baby, you said, okay, I'm there with you, honey. Okay, well, maybe, maybe not that for me, right?
SPEAKER_08But I for me is even what I'm earning can take care of the home. I honestly don't care if you're earning 10 times more. As long as what I'm earning can take care of the home. And when I say care of the home, I might not do like the luxuries of things, right? Which is we're carrying the children two, three times a year on you know, family trips. But if I'm able to give you or give us that's sustainable, we're having a good life, then honestly, you're earning 20 times more doesn't matter to me. Because again, as much as as long as I'm earning enough to raise the family. Remember, he mentioned that you know there's this traditional thing where we are raised to understand that men should take care of the bills, even though you know some people don't believe that, but we still believe that the men's of the bills, I don't really care what she's bringing to the table, is all that's what I bring to this, and it doesn't really matter to me. As long as you're not a useless person in a relationship, then I'm okay with it. How much you earn does not actually matter to me. As long as you're not a liability, as long as you're earning something.
SPEAKER_03Somebody who's not earning anything.
SPEAKER_08A liability is I feel my money working backwards, which is I'm earning money, but next month I don't feel like I'm earning money anymore. That's a liability, which is basically somebody that's unemployed, doesn't have a job. Well, you cannot have a job but still not be a liability. Technically, technically, but that's it. That's like a different discussion.
SPEAKER_09Because you cannot be earning money and you can be in the house, and why we're all good, we're all calm, things are going fluently, no, okay. This is what I earn. Yeah, you're working with that. You're working with it. But then again, exactly. Earning, and you can be in the house and ticky, you're going to go in a private jet to somewhere. Hello. Yeah, so it's it's it's a lot of things. You might want some extra just so some people that don't earn and understand that okay, I'm not earning on this, and this is what it is. But some people don't earn and just feel like, oh, maybe because of your lifestyle before you feel La Vida Luca. Hello? There we go.
SPEAKER_05So on that note, oh my goodness, thank you so much for stopping by, guys. This has been um a very enlightening conversation. Of course, where can people watch your podcast?
SPEAKER_08So you can find us again on Medicines. You know, Medicines Podcast, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, everywhere find us. You can also send us emails on at medicinesport at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_09Tell us your dilemmas. We always like to you know give advice, even though we're not the smartest guys. If somebody's looking for love, you are a reasonable woman wifey before the end of the year.
SPEAKER_05Amen, amen. So if somebody's looking for love, you have to propose before the not even propose, you have to. This is what what are we now? You actually haven't. I'm giving you to the end of this year. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, yeah, you have till the end of this year to get married. What are you waiting for? You're waiting for rapture, marry. I love being able to say this. I'm gonna call on my male friends, they're not married. Who haven't you married? What's wrong with you? You want to be the oldest look at you, you're aging, you're aging, marry. Let me gonna call them after the family.
SPEAKER_03I used to worry about that, but please, people are getting please people having kids much older as you guys call everybody you know to that something has. Don't have kids that you cannot provide.
SPEAKER_08I was up. I was going to say that you guys should know that raising a family is not very expensive. Don't go and jump into the pressure.
SPEAKER_09Don't go and do a jabpak, yet as an ajebol when you grow up, you know. Think about it.
SPEAKER_06Think about it.
SPEAKER_09You grew up as an ajebola, then you're born an Ajapako. Why? Why are you gonna do that, man?
SPEAKER_05Um, but very, very, very quickly, uh, because I hear this, I see this on Twitter all the time, where you know, you see people that are upset, people that are um upset about the rich marrying the rich, or oh, um, as a rich person, you shouldn't marry somebody that's what are your thoughts?
SPEAKER_08So, first of all, what I'll say is the dynamic between like so the reason why they complain, first of all, is that they don't feel the generational transfer from that to this. And what he's even saying is that you can marry, you could come up from a family of nepotism. That's what they call it Nepo family now, which is that exactly, which is that your parents were well to do, send you to good schools and everything, then you now have a family and you're struggling for even government-based schools. But now, to answer your question, the reason why people complain about this is that there's a general poverty concept in the country, right? And people are beginning to be aware of the things that should be minimum standard. And now we we now see the lack of access. In fact, the the concept, the the the expansion of lapo is lack of access and possibilities. In fact, lack of access and opportunities.
SPEAKER_03I didn't know this. I didn't know, man.
SPEAKER_08That's what that's what lack of access, possibilities, and opportunities. That's what lapo means. And so Lapo is you've given birth to this child, he lacks the basic things that any normal child should have. So that's why people are, you know, really have a problem with the fact that the rich marry the rich, or you know, whatever dynamic of the rich not being able to pass across. Because you even see a lot of royal families where my father my father was rich, but now I'm struggling, type of situation. So that's the reason why they struggle with it, because now we are all aware of what should be normal, access-wise and possibility-wise, but we just don't have those opportunities. So, yeah, okay, all right.
SPEAKER_05Thank you so much, thank you so much. And um, this was yes, this wasn't so bad. You guys feel safe, right?
SPEAKER_01We do very good.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, it's menacing. Definitely having you guys on our own show too. Oh, yeah, very soon. And you will again, yes.
SPEAKER_05Okay, okay, okay. Thank you guys.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for guys.
SPEAKER_03It is time for Money Zone brought to you by our good friends at Money Point. First of all, have you ever had like a difficult customer? You've been in business for some time, and you know what? You're just like, you're trying your best to be polite. Maybe they've escalated the issue from you know, you have your staff handling things and they've escalated the issue with the customer to you, and you're just like, is this person okay? This person alright.
SPEAKER_05Yes, yes. Um, I feel that quite often you can tell if a customer is going to be um troubles troublesome quite early on. So if you're I I don't know about you, but I still like read, you know, like our DMs and everything. So I can already tell. So sometimes I just like to, I don't like the stress. I don't like the stress. And if you're going to bring stress, I would rather just, you know.
SPEAKER_03Have you ever lied and said it's sold out? It's not sold out, but you know that the person's who are lying and said, just that's finished.
SPEAKER_05You know what's so funny? It's like when they see something and they're like, oh, but can you do this and can you do that? And I'm like, why don't you just go and make it yourself? We're not customizing it. Or um what was the what there was something, I think one of our items, um, so they'd ask for the price. So I was reading this and I was laughing, and uh, they'd ask for the price, and they were like, wow, they were like, Oh, I only have this, and I'm like, um, then you you can't get the dress. They were trying to price it. Yeah, I was like, then you can't get the dress. It doesn't, you know, it doesn't work that way. Yeah, but honestly, I think that if you have a troublesome customer, I think sometimes you know if they're going to be more stress than it's worth. You know, sometimes just try and find a way to like nip that in the bud and then just, you know. And also in saying that, there's some customers that um I've dealt with that are fantastic, absolutely, very sweet, very polite, and those are the ones that I appreciate. The ones that, you know, maybe like it's out of your hands, there's a delay or something, and you apologize. Oh, don't worry about it. I'm just like, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, I mean, one of I remember dealing with one customer where I think she had she had um paid some money and she sent the receipt, but uh we had not received it, right? This was not a money point account. This was a couple of years ago, and she was like, question mark, question mark, question mark, what's going on? This one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one. And we had to tell her, yes, you have a receipt, but the money has not physically entered our own account. So we cannot say do you understand that we've received your your transaction, or received your money and your transaction is complete, or whatever it is. And she was like huffing and puffing and cussing on different uh what's it called platforms. She went from WhatsApp to DMs. I was just like, Auntie, calm down now. Eventually, I I think what happened is that it reversed. But then you know, so it wasn't like, oh, are you sure you're not a scammer? This one was just like, see, if you use a money point account, you will not have these issues, okay? Because what they do is help you trace transactions, okay? You get your transaction, you get your notifications immediately. But let's say you're sending money to someone, you know that that money is going to get into that person's hands. In fact, what they do in some cases is tell you maybe that this bank is not available at this time when you're trying to transfer money, which is fantastic. Also, if you are a business owner and you are trying to receive money, if somebody has paid money to you, you will get that um uh transaction alert immediately. Immediately, which is what I love. They make doing business very, very seamless. They have structured payment solutions that reduces friction. So, you know, you're not quarreling with one customer or dodging one customer here or there. They provide fast, traceable transactions and reliable records. Make sure you download the app today to enjoy some of this.
SPEAKER_05Okay, and remember that when payment systems work properly, entrepreneurs can focus on growing their business instead of managing daily frustrations. Nigeria is hard enough. Make sure you download that Money Point app today. All right, so it's Friday.
SPEAKER_04Thank you very much. What is this?
SPEAKER_05No, it's orange.
SPEAKER_02Very nice. Okay, let's spin the weekend. Let's spin the weekend.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, let not be like we're the only ones um uh drinking and enjoying. Okay, alright, so it is time for spin the weekend. This is where we make sure your weekend is sorted. Yes. Courtsy of Gordon's Gin. So we have got our spin the weekend wheel, which you will see shortly. And the idea is we're gonna give you a suggestion on what to do this weekend, and we're gonna tell you the best Gordon's Gin flavor to accompany your activity. Yes, let's do it. I speak, I speak English every now and then. I do. All right, so spin the wheel.
SPEAKER_03And the result is movie night at home.
SPEAKER_05Oh, you mean Netflix and chill?
SPEAKER_03Whatever it is, whether you're at Netflix and chilling by yourself or with friends or with your loved one or your boo or your situationship, whatever it is they're doing, that's for business. Really, what you need to do this weekend is just stay in outside coastal, make some nice uh cocktails with Gordon's gin. There's different flavors. The one we just had, I believe it is citrus citrus blend. Yes, really, really nice indeed. Very easy. There's so many online. There's so many ways that you can mix your drinks, just put some ice, even with even without mixers, it tastes really, really good. So make sure you chill. And there's so many things to watch now. Right now, I'm watching Dove is Blind. I'm watching, I'm finishing up Bridgetton. I finished the I'm so behind on Bridgetton.
SPEAKER_05Well, you should sound like it's like there's so much going on. But yes, for your movie night, you know what's fantastic for movie night when um it's raining, not like thunderous, horrible rain, but just like a nice rain. And then no, no, no, and then you now make your room cold. You now like have the AC on, and then you now get like a duvet, and you now have your drinks.
SPEAKER_03Oh gosh. The thing is, if it's now too cold and you're now too cool in that duvet, within 15 minutes, I'm sleeping. And then I'm like, I'm resting my eyes. I'm resting my eyes. I'm not sleeping. Isn't that what movie nice about? You're supposed to stay awake. Watch the film. I'll be like, you see, you see, then you're like, You are sleeping now. I was resting my eyes. I saw now. Okay, I saw what happened. And now the guy went to the guy's apartment and then they killed the guy. Not like you're sleeping, but yeah. Stay at home this weekend, enjoy yourself, make yourself a nice cocktail, and um just have fun.
SPEAKER_05All right, and make sure you involve Gordon's Judd in your weekend activity. Make good times great.
SPEAKER_04Cheers. Oh, cheers!
SPEAKER_02Cheers, cheers to you and you and you, cheers to the weekend, everybody.
SPEAKER_05Cheers. Have you noticed how excited Mimi is since the alcohol came? I'm enjoying myself. Why should I be annoyed? Do you know what I have to say? Big shout out to our bartender, man. He got the right level of ice. Like there's enough ice to make it super chill, but it hasn't watered down the drink. Cheers. Cheers, guys. Go make one, go make one.