OffAir Podcast
OffAir Podcast
Why Some Friendships Last and Others Don't | OffAir S9 EP4
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In this episode of Off Air with Gbemi & Toolz, we dive deep into the dynamics of friendships and explore what it truly means to be a good friend. From calling out your friends when they need to level up, to navigating those tough conversations, we cover it all. Grab your Gordon's Gin, order a meal from Plato, and make your payments with your Moniepoint account as we chat with our closest friends about everything from fitness challenges to supporting each other through life’s ups and downs.
We also explore the importance of understanding your friend’s needs and how to show up for them when it matters most. Plus, we talk about handling those tricky moments when conflict arises. Can friendships survive without being “high maintenance”? Watch and find out!
00:00 – Introduction
04:12 – The Truth About Friendship Expectations
12:45 – Squats, Lunges, and Real Talk with Friends
18:30 – How to Show Up for Your Friends
28:00 – Friendship Conflicts & Resolution
35:00 – Special Guests: Journalist Lami Akintobi & Bola Njideofor
42:15 – Navigating Friendship Breakups
47:00 – Fun Q&A: Are You a 'Call Me if You Need Me' Friend?
52:20 – Advice on Balancing Friendships and Relationships
Tell me why Bola took me downstairs. We went to go and lift weights, we went to go and do this, we did squats, we did lunges after my spin class. And so that was the last time I invited her.
SPEAKER_05You have to be able to call your friends out because you're supposed to call your friends up higher. We're not supposed to be staying on the same level all our lives. We're supposed to grow evolve as human beings. And so if your friend is acting like a twat, you should be able to say, My dear, you are better than this.
SPEAKER_03Drinks tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's let's let's be serious. Welcome to the show. Don't forget to like and subscribe if you are watching right now. Are you by now at night season? Are you proud of how many subscribers we have?
SPEAKER_01You do like it. Subscribe. Subscribe. Subscribe. Like and subscribe. Can I just say a big shout out to Gordon for this amazing drink? The weekend is here, and this is a perfect way to set my weekend off right now.
SPEAKER_03I'm telling you, I'm having a jolly good time already. It's been a tough week. But you know what? Sometimes just a nice cocktail just reset your money.
SPEAKER_01What do you taste?
SPEAKER_03I taste drinks. It's nice. That's all. I taste mulberry.
SPEAKER_01Anyways. On today's episode, we're gonna be talking about friendships and what kind of friend you are, what kind of friend I am. And we have brought our closest friends to basically spill. I'm excited about this one. I'm just scared of this one. Why? But I've told that not, you know. Please don't come and scatter me.
SPEAKER_03I think that friendship is something that we don't often talk about. Um, and I think that almost everyone probably assumes that they're a great friend. And you know, I it's good as a as a as an adult to look inwards and think of ways to improve yourself, not just at work, but even on interpersonal relationships and friendships, you know, and you know, obviously romantic relationships as well, if you have one or several.
SPEAKER_01I also think that it's very important to learn how um your friend needs you to show up for them. Exactly. Because just like with relationships, um, if your partner's love language is, I don't know, quality time, um, and it's not yours, you need to do what they need. You need to make sure that you're showing up for them. So, likewise with friendships, you need to understand your friend, you need to know how and when they need you. And um, I used to do this thing, I can't remember the last time I did it, but I'd literally call all my friends up and be like, Am I a good friend? What do I what do I need to say? Because there's certain things that you literally, you might you because you're different people. Yeah, yeah. So you might think this is fine. So sometimes I'm like, oh, you know, she's just doing her stuff, she's just and then later on you find out that your friend was dying under something, and you're just like, but you didn't tell me. And you also you also have to realize that sometimes people find it very, very difficult to open up to open up and to you know say, This is what's going on, this is what you know what I need. Um, so yeah, I think doing a doing a friendship check every now and then is you know very nice.
SPEAKER_03Relationship check too. But yeah, I'm I can't wait to talk to our friends. This should be good. But big shout out to our friends at Plato. Make sure you check them out at orderplato.com. That's uh O-R-D-E-R-P-L-A-T-O.com. Check them out.
SPEAKER_01Yep. If you fancy what burgers, if you fancy shawama, if you fancy rice, if you want to just be a big back and have everything, you can order everything from their platform. Yes. You don't have those days? I do have those days where you just want to eat everything. I do have those days. Yep, yep, yep. Yep. So if you want to be have a big back day, give them a call. It's time for us to introduce our special guests. We have got our friends in the building. To my right, we have got journalist extraordinaire. You would have seen her face many times, or you'd have seen her work many times on CNN Lamide Akinsobi. And apparently, according to Bemi, she's one of her best behaved friends.
SPEAKER_05Yes, that's the only reason I'm here.
SPEAKER_01She can't bring anybody else here. And to my further right, we have got Bola Njedefor, who is the director of operations for Bloombreed Schools. And she's also my sister friends. So before this, we had to have a conversation. No bad stories. Only bad stories, bring them in.
SPEAKER_05Of course.
SPEAKER_01No, no. Alright, okay. So this episode, of course, is about friendships and also learning uh about the kind of friend that you are. Uh, first question. Voila, when did we meet? How did we meet? I don't remember.
SPEAKER_02I think we met through Oura actually. But funny enough, anyone who sees us, as soon as we've been friends from like uni or like, you know, high school. I met her through Orica. I never knew who Tony was. I never met her in my life. I think Orica was staying with me at the time. She was working at the B. And then she introduced me to the college. And then we became friends. That was in 2010.
SPEAKER_01Wow. It has been a while. I think I just thought about it the other day and I was like, I've known Bola like forever. Yeah, Bola was um she was on my bridal train. She was so the funny stories. So I was getting married and I was a little bit of a bridezilla. So Bola just had a baby. Okay. And I remember, first of all, when she said she was pregnant, I was just like, oh my gosh, I was like, the wedding. Can you imagine? I was like, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And Bola's like, okay, don't worry, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. So tell me why is it that was it three months after or how many months after you had seen her? It was actually, it was Tana, it was Tana. So tell me why this happened, right? So for uh my wedding, uh Bola was obviously, you know, back with the baby and everything. Why was Bola the most snatched person on my train? Like Bola's waist was like, I was like, um, I haven't had a baby, and what's going on? But she came through and she wasn't, and I I literally was like, Are you gonna make it? Is everything gonna be okay? And she came through and she looked fantastic and very supportive.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, anything for my dear friend.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's it.
SPEAKER_03How did you guys meet? How did we meet? We met online first. Yeah, there was a before Facebook, there was this Nigerian um website called Niger Riders. Yeah, this is I'm talking early 2000s, like 2002, 2003, super early. Yeah, we're all in uni, making noise on the internet, and then I moved back, and then I found out that she moved back as well. We're like, oh, okay, we should we should hang out, and then we start hanging out, and then we're we became part of the unruly's long story, and then yeah, here we are today.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, 20 years.
SPEAKER_03Yes, wild from that unruly time.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so even before that, so we've we've we've been friends since yeah, 20 years. Because I'm just only 25.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. So, do you guys think you have a low maintenance friendship?
SPEAKER_05I think so. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, we don't really do them, we don't really do the most. We're actually, I think we're both in our own way, kind of chill people. We don't really, we don't really do too much grab.
SPEAKER_03So we don't, we just we flow, we become I think I think what helps is that we talk often on social media, you know, whether it's when we're in a group chat with you know our other friends, um well friend now that we lost to saying, but yeah, uh, we're in a group chat, so we check in with each other all the time. Um, even if we don't see, we are we chat almost every day.
SPEAKER_05Like, hey ladies, haven't heard from you in a couple days, what's up? You know, so it's like a few days can't go by without us actually. Yeah, just because people saying hi, hello, whatever.
SPEAKER_01So, how often do you um actually talk on the phone? Because I find that in this digital era, like you can have friends and you kind of you know know what each person's up to, but in terms of the last time you spoke to him on the phone, you'll probably be like, Oh my gosh, it's been forever. So how often do you speak on the phone?
SPEAKER_03Because we talk so much in the in the group chats, and not group chats, we can't speak, nobody can ever speak on anybody's phone. Yeah, so that okay. Well, I mean, I guess. And then we always do the voice notes, we do voice notes a lot. We do voice notes a lot.
SPEAKER_05Hey, we do voice notes today.
SPEAKER_03What about you guys?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, um, so Bola does this thing. Bola's Bola's like a fitness, you know, she's like a fitness buff. So Bola has this thing. No, no, no, she is like, she is like, remember that time that um I was trying to enter my you know fit fam era, and um I started going to this gym and I started doing spinning, and I was just like, oh, I'm doing this, I'm doing this. And I was like, you know, Bola, you should come. Like it's so fun, it's so you know, come for my spin class. Um and she came and we did the spin. So if you've done spin four, you know that shit is hectic, it's actually and it's a lot, and you're there just about making it through. So made it through, and I was like, okay, and I was so determined not to stop because she was just there, you know, and I was like, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go. So we finished, and then I'm like, Bola, how was that? And she was like, Oh, it was okay, but I feel like it still does some more. So tell me why Bolla took me downstairs. We went to go and lift weights, we went to go and do this, we did squats, we did lunges after my spin class. So that was the last time I invited her. Yeah, because I was like, I'm not training for war. It's just this small belly, this small belly, it's not a sin. I didn't kill anybody. Some people like it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so for you, that's why you should know who is like I wouldn't go and work out with our friend Lola. Lola is a fitness boss.
SPEAKER_01The one that she anyway, so Bola, when we we talk, we actually talk uh quite often because um after on on her off gym days when Bola's not lifting concrete like this is World War III, Bola likes to do like a two-hour evening walk. Oh wow. So Bola will call me. And you'll be talking. So whether she's talking for two hours. Yeah, yeah, we'll talk for two hours. So whether she's like um in Lagos or whether she's obviously she's in um Ph a lot uh for the school, we'll literally talk, you know, and Bola's just like, and I'm like, why like how long are you walking? But she's like, Oh, I think I'm gonna do two hours today. So that's when we talk, and you know. What about you guys?
SPEAKER_03Will you consider your friendship high maintenance or low maintenance? Yes, nothing but the truth. Y'all people so I think that our relationship is saying, we understand ourselves.
SPEAKER_02I see.
SPEAKER_03We do, we do.
SPEAKER_02Tolu has her ways, but I think that's what being friends is all about. Okay. She can be high maintenance, but it's not a problem.
SPEAKER_03Why do you say high maintenance? What does that what does what does that mean to you?
SPEAKER_02Um, so you can't just like not talk to Tolu.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02You can't just be sending her messages and thinking that things will be okay. She'd be like, Why have you not called? And I'm like, oh okay. I'm a fucking princess. Because of that, I understand what to do. So if I go for my walk, I'll call Tolu first.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02If I still have time after two hours of talking to her, then I call my other friend.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_02And Tolu is the kind of person that I wouldn't really call it high maintenance. She has expectations.
SPEAKER_03Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02But I don't think they're super high. Okay. If they were super high, I wouldn't be her friend.
SPEAKER_03Expressions like what? Checking in often. You just have to show up.
SPEAKER_01You have to give me attention.
SPEAKER_03Okay. You have to show up.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh. So if her kids are doing something, if you like, don't show up. Oh my god. So there must be a reason, but I don't see it as a problem because I understand her personality. Uh-huh. And I don't see it as a big deal. But for some people, they're so high maintenance, they want to talk to them. Like, you know, but her high maintenance is it's good.
SPEAKER_05I don't even think that's high maintenance, to be honest. I think that's bare minimum. I think friendship is about showing up. Yeah. I think you've got to show up for your people and you gotta show up the way they recognize speaking your friendship language.
SPEAKER_01Friendship love language. Friendship love language.
SPEAKER_03I think that a lot of people nowadays we I see a lot of, oh, you don't owe anybody anything, nobody owes you anything. This one out. But I but then again, I feel like you want a community, you want a village, like your own village. And for you to have that, you also have to show up for people. It's not only when it's convenient for you. Because sometimes, you know, look, you'd rather be chilling in your house, but you're like, look, I need to spend time with my friend, I need to make sure they're okay. Because I know they would look, they would, they would do the same for me. You know? Exactly.
SPEAKER_05You have to be a villager if you want a villager. And I think a lot of times you see this whole thing about, you know, as you said, oh, you know, I just I just you know want to do my own thing. I don't inconvenience is the price you pay to have people in your life. You have to be prepared to be inconvenienced. You can't just be on your own and think, oh, well, when I need someone, they'll show up. No.
SPEAKER_03I feel like even to navigate life as an adult, you know, and I kind of feel sorry for those people who rely only on their partner, the romantic partner.
SPEAKER_05Oh, so sorry for that.
SPEAKER_03You know, or people who like once they get married or they get into a relationship, they kind of completely disappear into this person where you know your friends don't see you again. Oh, because you're in a relationship now. And then once the relationship is over, then they see.
SPEAKER_05So I keep waiting.
SPEAKER_01Can I ask uh one or two things or one or two stages that Olame Dea has helped you through?
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh, um, different things. It could be career advice. Because, okay, so we're in we're in the same industry but slightly different. So when it comes to things like, yo, some people want me to host this event, but this is the amount I'm thinking. What do you advise? Oh, this is where it's gonna be, that sort of thing. Because again, we do similar things sometimes when it comes to work. So, oh, I need to host this conference, or I need to host this thing, uh, or they or they want me to uh moderate this panel, that sort of thing. So we lean on each other for advice. Um, she's also she's also nicer than I am, you know. So sometimes when I'm very angry, well, let's be honest, and when I'm also very angry, like, oh my god, this thing happened, this annoying person, she's like, uh, wait, okay, wait. Sorry, sorry. I know that you feel this way, but you know, maybe, you know, maybe. So she's kind of like a voice of reason, you know. And I also think I I say this all the time, um, when it comes to having friends. I think that when it comes to having friends, I have a solid group of friends. They're not many, but they are a solid group of friends. Like the way they came, especially when I when I had a baby, the way they came through for me, I was like, yo, I think for the first year, we didn't buy clothes for Zoe because they were always spoiling her. They were there was toys, there was clothes for every step. I was just like, Well, thank you. You like me this much? Wow, thank you so much. No, and it doesn't spoiler alert.
SPEAKER_05We don't really like you that much. We like Zoe.
SPEAKER_02Zoe's off of Zoe's colour. And then, you know, we can now like I get the law.
SPEAKER_01They said they said you can leave the seat. And it doesn't stop.
SPEAKER_03You know, literally, just recently, she arrived again with a truckload of clothes. I was like, hey, I was like, Well, thank you, thank you so much. So, yeah, I mean, it's it's it feels nice to have friends that you don't have to perform for, that you are you're comfortable around, you know that they're not taking advantage of you, you know, and you know that you do the same for them, you know. And whatever showing up for them means, you know, it's yeah.
SPEAKER_01So do you I'm gonna answer, I feel like I should answer that in a second. Um, but do you know how does Gemy want you to show up for her and how does Lemday want you to show up for her?
SPEAKER_05Okay, I think Bammy appreciates she's actually quite chill, to be honest. It's like whatever, you know. So, like but I just like to do things that she likes. Game music, she likes chocolate, you know. So I'll always bring her something chocolatey, like I'll bring her gifts, like that. Like, and I'm a I'm a person who likes to give gifts, so it actually works really well. Um, things that are her style, I like to bring for her. So she'll like there'll be certain gifts that anytime I travel, I'm always looking at I think she'll like this. I'll bring that for her. But she also values people to show up for her, even when she does have she likes to form hard guy. I don't understand. She likes to form hard guy, but she appreciates when she's in a vulnerable moment and you show up for her, like maybe she's not feeling well or something, and someone you rock up and she she really appreciates it, and so we try to do that for her. Yeah, hard guy, hard guy.
SPEAKER_01Okay, and how does she how does she like for you to show up for her?
SPEAKER_03Um, I think that Lamide, again, she's also not, I won't say she's hype maintenance, but she likes to Lamide is very busy. She's my friend is on a plane every other week or something. She travels a lot. Um, but I think checking in, you know, she values that how are you, how are your parents, especially now that our parents are aging, how are your parents, how's your family doing. Um, if she's having a birthday, you know, lots of times she's like, I don't know, I'm leaving my building. I don't leave my building. And then she'll be like, okay, come to the house, that kind of thing. She appreciates that. As much as she loves to give gifts, I think that she also likes to um get meaningful gifts. So she's not the kind of friend that I would just go buy any random thing. I know that she loves Ashoki, she loves Nigerian uh designers, so something like uh she's just decked to Nigerian designers, you know. I was still teasing her for going to a dial up sale. Every dial up sale, this baby's dead. Easy reach. I'm just about yeah, but she likes you know, she likes good, she likes the good stuff. So um when you know, when she has a special occasion, I'm like, oh, my friend will actually like this, especially Ashokay. She loves Ashoke. But I know that she's not a stingy friend, so I know that this one is not stingy. Let me let me actually put effort. No, because let's be real, like sometimes you have to evaluate some friendships like this baby, what's going on? Like, yeah, so yeah, so you you kind of have to take you just look at okay, this person comes through for me here, here. And even when they don't hear from me, sometimes you're so caught up with work and life, and you're just stressed, and you just see a message, are you okay? You alright? You check, just checking in, or she's in the area. She's like, Oh, let me stop by, let me say hi, let me just, you know, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01The love that okay, let me see. How does Bola show up for me? Um, so I have this thing that I do where my friends are on different, I don't want to say different levels, they're in different categories. The turn up friends, yeah, yeah. So there's so um those friends uh see different sides of me. So there's like my turn up people, we turn up. I could have been crying two seconds ago, but we turn up, and then that's it. So I would say, and she's gonna use this against me, and she's gonna call me gay afterwards. Oh god. But Bola actually probably sees um one of the truest versions of me. So Bola's a person, look at her. Bola's a person that um, because I can be I can be a bit dramatic sometimes. So Bola's a person that I'm just like, oh my god, Bola, can you believe this happened? She did this, she did that, she did that, so am I being crazy, am I being crazy? So Bola's like, okay, so I think you maybe overreacted just a little bit. So literally, before I'm about to like set the whole place on fire, like before I've literally I've bought the I've bought the gas, I've got the matches, or I've got this, I've got that. I'm like, let me just see what Bola's. Bola, so what do you think? And then Bola now just, you know, like sort of breaks it down. So then I'm like, okay, put the matches away, put the gasoline away. Maybe it was just a slight misunderstanding. And she is like super chill. Bola's like super chill. Bola and I have not had like a proper fight. Because Bola does not Bola does not allow it. So Bola's like, if you start getting things, Bola would just be like, okay, so when you're, you know, calm, we'll just and then if you continue, you then you then seem like a petulant child. So we don't, you know, but then I think she's also kind of understood that I'm like a like every now and then I just need you to kind of just be like, okay, so what else happened? What else happened? I'm just like and then after that, I'm cool. I'm cool. But she's also but she knows this. Bola's like, I don't play with Bola. I don't play with Bola. So if if Bola is uh Bola has this thing that um, and I'm gonna say this, Bola has this thing that sometimes when she's going through stuff, she won't say. But I've known her long enough that I have like a sixth sense. I'll just be like, Bulla was wrong. And Bola won't tell you first. I'm like Bulla what's wrong, what's wrong?
SPEAKER_02And if she doesn't say it, do you know what I do?
SPEAKER_01Do you know what I do? If she still doesn't answer, I call her husband. I'd be like, hey, so what's going on, my friend? What's happening?
SPEAKER_02You know, this is like, oh, is it Canadian? I'm like, no.
SPEAKER_01You know, so I was I was does he not tell me that I messaged him be like, What's going on? Why she did where she's been a bit quiet, what's happening? What's it you know? And because I there's certain people that I I would wait for you to ask me. Like, if you need help, because I'm like, I don't know if you'll but with her, I'm bulldozing my way. Like, what happened? Who is it? Who do we need to fight? So sometimes, not just Bola, but like in our friend group, sometimes when somebody does something bad, they don't tell me, they don't tell me because and I'm just like, but why? I've changed, right?
SPEAKER_02Zulu will fight, which is good. Um, if somebody offends more than the person is you tell Zulu, that's it. That is it. But we don't really fight, actually. Yeah, funny enough, I don't think I've ever fought any of my friends.
SPEAKER_03That's actually interesting.
SPEAKER_02Like, what are we fighting for? No, Bola is Bola is just like. Like, if you're actually like a genuine friend, you can have understanding. Right. But to have like a fight and you never talk to the person again, I'm like, were you really fine?
SPEAKER_05I actually had something like that. We didn't fight, it wasn't a fight. This is a friend who I was on her bridal train. This is after I moved back to Nigeria. I was on my corporate salary of like 30k or something like that. It was like ridiculous. And I was supposed to fly back for her wedding. My visa had expired. Like it was just all these things. So I had to renew. So I renewed my visa. I was trying to like get the plane ticket back, and then she sends me an email. An email. An email saying, Well, it seems like you won't be able to do it, so I've replaced you.
SPEAKER_00I said, Oh, I mean, block you.
SPEAKER_05I said, Oh, I said, since I've not been in 10 years of friendship, um, because I'm not able to fly back at a whim for your like it was ah, I think that's the biggest friendship fights. We are not close, we are friendly, we talk, acquaintances can't be was it's not like before, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay, quick fire one. Uh you have to say all of you have to answer this. Okay. Are you a call me if you need me or I'm coming over?
SPEAKER_03Call me if you need me most times. Because I don't like to pry, you know, but if you need me to come over, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02What about you? I'm coming over, especially if I know what it's interesting.
SPEAKER_01Okay, what about you? Half and half. I think with me it's like it's like half and half because there's certain people that you know I'm like, I don't know if I want to, but then there's like with her, with you know, Orica, like with Jim O'Ke, sometimes it's like, yeah, okay, whatever. Like I remember there was one time, I do remember this when um I think Jim OK. Jim Okay is like, you know, my friend Jim OK, the you know. Um, so it was her birthday, and she was like, Oh, I don't really want to do anything. I was just like, No, we're gonna, you know, we're gonna do something. And then she was like, No, no, and I was just like, whatever. And I planned, and I was just like, okay, so this is where your birthday party is happening and everything. And you know, she had fun because it just I just felt like she shouldn't just be sad and let it date. All right, so next question Are you better at helping others than asking for help yourself?
SPEAKER_03Yes, it's very difficult for me to ask for help. It's very, very difficult for me to ask for help. So if I'm asking for the help, whatever it is, you know that. Yeah. So and I'm very I don't like to bother people. I don't want to be a big thing. Yeah, firstborn, first daughter.
SPEAKER_01So yeah. I don't this her first daughter comes out when we're on trips, man.
SPEAKER_02Planning everything has to be planned.
SPEAKER_01No, she was remember when we were okay. So Dubai. Went to Dubai, so not even Dubai. So a few years ago, um, I went to we went to uh Paris to see Beyonce. I went with Bola and her sisters. Bola has uh two other sisters and we went and Bola was and she's obviously the oldest, Bola was in a mommy mode. Like they wanted to go to it, Bola's like, no, but I didn't let them, and they were like, no, we want to go here. Bola's like, no, and I'm just like, oh my gosh. You can even speak the language, like, where are we all going? They were saying they were telling me to talk to Bola. I'm like, I'm not there. Okay, so next question Do you expect your friends to know to just know when you're not okay?
SPEAKER_03I don't think so. I think look, you know, that and I feel that's where you and your friends should communicate better. You know, even if you can't pick up the phone and call, just send a voice, and I'd be like, Look, this is I can't count how many times I've sent a voice note ranting about business. So I quit, I'm not doing it again. This is so stressful. Oh my god, Nigeria is such a you know, and they're like, Hey, and then Lamedez is okay. I'm gonna put it in prayer for you. Yes, but he needs prayer. No, no, no, no, I know, I know it's good. She is a praying friend. You know, I'm like, wow, oh wow, yeah, okay. That she'll pray, and she'll be like, No, we'll we need to take it to God, this one, that one. I'm like, so I always call her my best behaved friend, you know, the person that will not disgrace you outside this is the person that you know that's thinking.
SPEAKER_05No, it's cool now, it's good, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like that, I'm like, okay, she's gonna be, she's she's actually really well behaved.
SPEAKER_05I think you need to have the friends that hype you up, yeah, and you need the friends that will talk you off the ledge.
SPEAKER_01You need like you just you need a yeah, and so you need the friend who'll be like, don't be stupid, don't be silly, my dear girl. When you're actually being daft, so there was um there was this time. I'm trying to think about how much to share. Share! So so between uh if I ever decide to really like run for president, um, the people that I would have to kidnap, uh Oreca first, then Bola. Because they know where my boys are.
SPEAKER_05Ah, I know uh yes, I know enough. I don't know if I know all of them, but I know I know enough.
SPEAKER_03But you know what? Even if I decide to run for office today, they will not say Pim because I trust my friends. Yeah, they cannot, they won't. I thought you were gonna say they know they won't say Pim because people there have done worse.
SPEAKER_01That's true, that's true. So um, and it back to what you were saying about you need a different friend. Um, I remember this situation where there was someone, this was like years back, this was years back, and um I remember there was someone that I was like dealing with, talking to, and it was it had no future, had zero future, but I was like, Oh, he's you know, he's this. And then I remember talking to Orica about it, like, um, so you know, what do you? I don't know, do you think it could work? What do you? And you know what she did? She went to his Instagram page and she played me videos, and she's like, You mean this one? Look at him, you mean this one. Look at the way he speaks, you mean this one, and I was just like, damn. So literally, while the person's like, What are you doing? I had to just be like, according to my friend, I can't even talk to you no more. I gotta, but um Bola's actually Bola's my responsible friend. Bola's the one that's you know, I sense a theme firstborn. Yeah, like like I remember, I remember before what? Oh, let me see. I need to be careful. Oh, for good. I need to be careful. Don't too young as she rehearsed. Bola's the kind of person, Bola's the kind of person that um was I dating or was I I don't even know where I was, but we were out, and this was like, you know, before babies, before everything. So when we went out, we were like partying. And Bola, if she sees that some guy is there, Bola will just move you, especially if I seem like a little bit too happy. She'll just be like, okay, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm just like, so yeah, she definitely texts, yes, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02I don't care who she talks to, but you can tell there's some people you don't need to be talking about. So I'm in certain situations.
SPEAKER_01I'm just like, my friend said I can't talk to you. So you know. Um, what about crazy? Have you had any crazy adventures? Crazy adventures, crazy trips.
SPEAKER_03I mean, nothing too okay. I'm a very calm person. Regardless, forget what you say on YouTube. I actually live a very calm life. You know, what do you mean by that? What do you mean? Oh, yeah. No, I can't talk this one. Eh, there's something that I cannot talk about. No, uh, talk it. Like what? Don't worry. Maybe I can't remember.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, maybe you can't remember because if you think if you're thinking of what I'm thinking of, I think Ada. No, oh no, I'm not thinking of a trip. I'm just thinking of something that happened, but that's okay. Oh um, I think we haven't done that many trips together. We've done like my birthday trip, we did ADA. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't really, we haven't we haven't really done a lot of like two trips. Just two trips together. Yeah, just a couple of trips, and then we're not bothered.
SPEAKER_01No, no, okay. You have a lot of people. See, so we have we have we have different groups that we're in. We have a group called Girls Trip that we started years ago. We've only gone on one trip. I have to know still have well, yeah, have a group like that too. No, but that doesn't make it okay. So seriously, you guys are just rubbish, and they would not be like, oh, we should good, we should do this. And I'm just like, get out, job. Well, we've done so we did do, we did do you've done Paris and Beyonce.
SPEAKER_05I mean, that's true. Exactly. We've done two trips. That was nice, yeah. But that was like how many years ago? Beyonce was like, Economy is tight now. We did, we didn't.
SPEAKER_01That was fun. That was on a yacht. Yes. Yeah, we did. So basically, we went for, was it lunch or dinner one day? And then we were just like, I don't even know whose idea it was. We're like, oh, we should, you know, travel. Was it mine?
SPEAKER_02When Africa was happening or something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I remember so basically the whole idea was we just talked about it. We're like, oh, yeah, it'd be fun to do this. And then um Bola's Bola's dad has like a place in Dubai, so we're now pushing. Call him, call him. He wanted to do this and and we've done this, we've done this before for like, you know, when we used to go to when we back back in the day, back in the day. When we would literally catch a flight to Abuja for a party, and Bola would tell her dad something, like, Oh daddy, I'm going to what would you say? He's not gonna be watching it. So, anyways, we would have like a hotel room, like three of us in a bed. Yeah, yeah. So uh we ended up going to um Dubai, and that was really cool. And we partied, and I didn't know I was pregnant at the time. I remember you. Yes, yes, yes. I just remember getting back.
SPEAKER_02I parted because I wasn't part of it. Were there, we're there, it was one night.
SPEAKER_01I just remember, I just remember getting back, and I'm like, wait till shit! Like I'm punking, like wait, and I was like, and I was trying to figure out how far along I was, and I was like, oh my gosh, I need to go to the thoughts. I've been drinking, I've been drinking, but you know, maybe he's okay. He's a little bit dramatic, but he's fine. I love it, dramatically he's fine.
SPEAKER_02And the good thing about the girls' trip was you know, some girls' trip, you can go on a girl's trip and you never want to go again. Yeah, but everybody respected Tolou would take her time to get dressed, or she might change her mind, you know. Linda is always ready to go, I'm ready to go. So you sort of like understand each other, and we didn't have to do everything together. Like on the boat day, we agreed. I'm like, I let's call color, let's be, you know, colorful, touch of white. So Lou was like, uh but anyway, we also did it, and the pictures came out. Oh so it was actually fun, but it was so impromptu. I love it so bizarre. Like I had to tell my boss I need to go on a girl strip just for two days. I had to tell her because I did it, you know, the days out, and I told her I would work from the hotel for like one or two days, so it was actually good. Yeah, we should do more.
SPEAKER_03We actually need to go every year. We're like, why don't you go here? Why don't we go here? Why don't we show you here? Look, the economy is like look, it's listening here.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I see all these girls going on trips on Instagram, and I'm like, wow. Do they have responsibilities? No, they do, they do. Okay.
SPEAKER_01See, see, I'm gonna I'm gonna record this part and I'm going to find a way to pin it in the group. I'm ready to call just because while I say that now, but I what what did I try and plan the other day? I remember there was one time we're talking about Ghana, and I'm like, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. No, it wasn't this trip. It's a trip that I don't go with Rosie. Yeah, and we were like a few of us then like flies, they started dropping. And I was so determined, I was like, I'm gonna go on this trip by myself if I have to, and everything. So I went with Rosie, but it was literally supposed to be quite a few of us. So, but I don't say this now, and then when I'm proposing something, you're like, you know. No, we can do it this year, girls' trip.
SPEAKER_02Yes, but we can learn it from off air. You have heads to girls trip.
SPEAKER_05Be like them anywhere.
SPEAKER_03Be like them. Sure. We can go anywhere. In this social media era, do things like posting you on your birthday matter to you? And I'm asking because there are two popular men that I observed exchange blues at someone that we know's wedding because one person did not post the other person. This was again, this was 2014. One person did not post the other person on there, and next thing you know, are you sad?
SPEAKER_05No, there's no something is no. There's something beyond that.
SPEAKER_03What? Okay, no problem. No problem.
SPEAKER_01But I was like, it is a big deal for some people. Yes, it is. Because I think um, and I've also learned, um, I don't know if I can say that this whole digital space we're in has made us a bit lazy when it comes to friendships. Because I noticed that there were certain people that I considered like good friends that I would just, you know, post their picture, sweet message, and unless they're doing something, unless they're like having like, you know, dinner or something, that's kind of it. And I was just like, that's weird. So I really started making an effort to, you know, call, like send you a personal message, or you know, what are you doing as opposed to just doing a post and that's it. So I think I think nowadays a lot of people just think, okay, yeah, I've I've done that. So is that a big deal to you?
SPEAKER_02Do you want somebody to also call or you know, I think if anybody I post, I call. Because I do believe that you have to be very intentional with your friendships. I can wish you a happy birthday, maybe in your DM. If I'm gonna post you on my page, I've either called you before or I'm calling you after. And in my family, my brother is like, don't send me a WhatsApp. You call me call me. I love it. I don't think it's a big deal. I think I call my friends who are not even in Nigeria on their birthdays. It's just it's just what you're supposed to do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it depends on your friend. I think if your friend is the sort of person who doesn't care, you know, that's fine. But if your friend would definitely care about the calling, yeah, posting calling, that's sort of some people are like, look, don't disturb me on my birthday, don't even call me, leave me alone. It's overwhelming, the wildlife is too much. That's fine. But I I mean, I post a lot of people. Happy it's just a happy birthday. Yeah, it doesn't mean I've called, but if you are my close friend, I would definitely if I don't see you, yeah.
SPEAKER_05If I'm not gonna see you, sometimes like people I remember someone has said to me that we didn't post this person on their birthday. Actually, people are not fighting. I was like, We the person was here next to me. We were actually together, we spent their birthday together. It doesn't like let's not let social media dictate how you're a friend, whether or not your friendship is working. Like, it's not real life, it's not real life.
SPEAKER_03I remember it is not real life a couple of years ago where I think you disabled your account. You're just like, Well, big, I'm not so people were like, Oh, no, not people, but it was a rusty, crusty, dry blog where they were like, Oh, baby, do you know wish tools happy birthday on her birthday? And then I think just a few days after your birthday, it's my birthday. And they're like, Oh, I didn't wish to happy birthday. I wonder what was happening. They was like, You better go and find work. Really? You better go and find and then she has disabled what am I posting if she has disabled her account?
SPEAKER_01You have to let them know that you posted still. That has to be seen. Like, is it really necessary? Okay, now let's talk about conflicts and everything. Um, can your friends call you out honestly, or do you get defensive?
SPEAKER_03No, they can. I I think Lamede has definitely told me when I she feels like uh you shouldn't have done this. And she says she says it's in a respectful manner. She's not like she's cussing me out or anything. Um, and funny enough, I don't think maybe, maybe one or two times when I feel like uh uh you two self, that kind of thing. But it's not a she's not cuddling me, but she's also telling me, yo, I don't think like something happened recently, which you know of, and she was encouraging me to call the person for drinks. I said, Go for beat. Oh, it's not that funny. I said, Go for be. I will put the drinks on her head. Go forbid.
SPEAKER_05She said, some things are not that deep. No, I mean I will see something, no, some things are that deep, but you also have to Oh, a lawyer for me. I think it's called lawyer for me. I will, I think it's too soon. I think it's too soon. It's fine, it's too soon, but I think as okay, to your question, you have to be able to call your friends out because you're supposed to call your friends up higher. We're not supposed to be staying on the same level all our lives, we're supposed to grow evolved as human beings. And so if your friend is acting like a twat, you should be able to say, My dear, you are better than this. But you don't do better.
SPEAKER_03Even if I tell that person about it's not about this person specifically, it's allowed to be able to do it. Even if I tell them about it, look, even if I tell this person about herself, I still cannot. Do you think she'll receive it well? I don't know. That's number one. Number two, I also feel like I can't be cool with this. I wouldn't know.
SPEAKER_05You don't have to be, no one is doing you should.
SPEAKER_03I think just get off with calls.
SPEAKER_01Wait a minute. Why does she why does she need to call her for drinks? I actually agree with Baby on this one. Why does she need to call it?
SPEAKER_05I think a conversation needed to be had because when you've had history with somebody, it's like if I have an argument with Bammy or I have an argument with our other friend, Lola, for example. I would like to believe that if I said, I'm not even talking to her, baby would be like, calm down. You people have history now. Like, okay, this thing she did is not good though. But still talk to her. But still talk to her and be like, see, this is my own point of view. I see that you have your own point of view, but we cannot just let something and that way.
SPEAKER_03She will just still later. So we will just still later see my mouth. But this person did not think about that. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
SPEAKER_01Okay, because I feel like, in terms of what I know of this situation, I feel like it's that person that should call and be like, Oh, can we do drink so be the bigger person? Sorry, let me tell you, sorry. My ass is already big. I don't always need to be the bigger person. I don't always need to be the bigger person.
SPEAKER_03So stop telling me I can maybe it's a July thing. Maybe no, I can I can so what would you rather do?
SPEAKER_02Just leave it. Goodbye. Does that mean you and that person were never friends? We were friends. This is my you see. I thought that's my thing with friendship. People make mistakes.
SPEAKER_05There should be a level at which somebody can because the person is going. Let me tell you that the person is going to regret it. I already know. I believe that that person is. Yes. So my thing is that you don't leave a door jammed shut and then bar the freaking gate. I told you this thing. Cement it.
SPEAKER_01Cement it. Cement it. Okay. Let me see. It comes out. No, no, no, no. You know what? Generally, I do believe and I would like to, but watch yourself. I would like to believe. I would like to believe that we can, you know, call each other out respectfully on certain things. Yeah, we do. So even if I um so I'm the kind of person, right, if I've done something, even if at that point I'm hot-headed and I'm like, when I calm down, I'll be like, okay, yeah, all right, right. I see your point. I see your point and everything. So in this situation, I think intent is is a lot of it because there are certain situations where and where you will hurt your friend and it's completely unintentional. Like you had no intention, there was no intention, you didn't mean to deliberately hurt this person. That I feel, okay, fine, you can sit down and talk about it, and you really should just be like repentant, like I'm so sorry. But this didn't feel like it was, it felt very intentional. So that's kind of like where I'm just like, hmm.
SPEAKER_02Why do you think a friend will intentionally hurt a friend if they're really friends? Send her DM. Ask her.
SPEAKER_05I'm not gonna ask anything. So in any in my friendships and in my relationships, what I try to do, I don't always succeed, is to assume best intentions. Now, when I go from that point of view, I hey, I think that's shorter line. I think they're best enough. That's shortline. You try, and then you say no, but I try, you know. So that's just you know, yeah, but that's what I'm thinking.
SPEAKER_01I'm thinking that they're hitting friends, yeah.
SPEAKER_05I'm thinking that they're they're friends, they have a relationship. They've shown up for each other before. Exactly. Somebody can somebody can make a big mistake, they can make a big mistake, but there's got to be like a little crack in the door that leaves it open for reconciliation later. That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01There's certain things, yeah. There's certain things that you as a friend, you're a demon if you do that to somebody else.
SPEAKER_03How can you have a lawyer write your so-called friends?
SPEAKER_01No, I'm not talking about, I'm just saying about this of over 10 years. I'm talking about like in general, there's certain things, there's certain things that I might, you know, be like, oh wow, you did that. And we might even, you know, speak, but we will never be cool. We'll never be cool. So that's my point. So what's the point? Yeah. So what's the point of speaking? I can be, but I don't like being I don't like being angry with somebody. So I I really would try to find a way to squash it. Because if I see um, you know, I can't, I have issues controlling my anger sometimes. So um if I see you and my blood starts to boil, I don't like that. So I want to be in a situation where you say yeah, like neutral, you can be high and move on. Yeah. I wouldn't piss on you if you're on fire, but we're cool. It's um don't that's that's the opposite, of course. Like this therapy session is going wrong.
SPEAKER_03Okay, this are well being friends.
SPEAKER_05No, but I just okay. Go ahead, go ahead. No, no, no, I was gonna say there are just so many different angles to look at it. And you know, when she said come here, praying friend, I'm like, what would Jesus do? Um, sometimes it doesn't work in real life for some people, but as a friend, and I think as friends, you know, when you're dealing with conflict, it's good to be able to say, This is how I feel. And then the person would do with it what she's doing with it what she wants to do, which is she's not taking my advice. So, but I said my own, and she can do what she wants. Okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_03I think that people need to I I I cringe when I see, especially on social media a lot, people say, Oh, women cannot be friends with other women, or women are um women's biggest enemies. I I I because of my experiences, I'm like, nah, yes, have I fallen out with some friends over the years? Yes, but will I say that all in all that's um women can't be good friends to other women? Absolutely false. Um, and I think it all starts with respecting, you know, each other and actually being friends because you actually genuinely like the person. What is happening is that, especially again with social media, is that some people are friendly or making friends based off of clouds, yeah, based off of aesthetics, yeah, based off of you know, some people feel like ah, let me as long as long as I appear in a photo, especially in this fickle industry with this it girl or it's guy or this popular person, you know, it gives me some sort of you know proximity to fame or wealth or whatever it is, and then there's and then you find these friendships that have shaky foundations that they always fall out.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, I think when it comes to um when it comes to like friendships in this industry, I feel that um over the years, I've I think I've learned how to like navigate it a little bit better. Um, a lot of the friendships in this industry are transactional. Yeah, and that is fine if both of you are on the same page. Good. If both of you are on the same page, because there's certain people that you and and to be honest, I think that's the nature of the entertainment industry as a whole. Because it's like, what can you do for me? And I should be able to do something for you, and then we keep it, you know, we keep it moving. Because there are certain people that when you know I was on radio, you'd you they'd call you, they'd do this, they do that, and then the minute, oh, she's not on radio, she's not she's copying my songs anymore. So I can't say that you're upset, no, you know, I can't say that I was very upset because honestly, long before I'd already seen it. Yeah. And then there's certain people that, you know, if they think, oh, yeah, like you're hot, or a lot of people are talking about you, then like I remember somebody that I didn't know, like trying to be on my train. I was like, I swear I don't even know your surname. Uh and I was like, Why are you, you know, just a random and then somebody and then somebody else, somebody else that I just was like, your Lisa just called me after the, you know, oh, so can I get your HIV and stuff? And I was just like, I didn't invite you. Like, so I just I just was like, you know, fine. But I think you need to be very, very well aware of this industry. Um, because I think when I started, I was thinking that, oh, these are you know really cool people, and then after a while I was like, wait a second, wait a second. And then I I basically got to understand, okay, this is what the situation is. So fine, this is gonna be transactional. You're gonna you're gonna be doing like you know, an event, a premiere, I'll show up, but you might never come to my house. That's fine. That's absolutely fine. Right. So I think if more people are aware of this, yeah, be aware of the thing. You're not you. John Sands, you're not the person. You're not the person that I'm going to call and start crying to. Like, I remember there was um there was something that I was uh going through and like the blogs had picked it up, and somebody that I probably had just seen her in person, like how many times, sent me a message and was like, Oh, I'm here if you want to talk. I'm like, why the fuck am I gonna talk to you? Sometimes people want to be no no no no. But this was it wasn't like a it was it was like a scandalous and this person is known for talking up. Yes, so she wanted to get your journey style on the horses up. I was like, wow. Uh so tell me one rough, rough um period uh or rough time that Olam Deer has helped you through.
SPEAKER_03Um, plenty, plenty of. I mean, different things, you know. I'm the sort of person who gets because I I put everything into my work, you know, into my business. So a lot of times we we live in a country that is very uncertain. Yeah. And you wake up one day, and something that the government has done or the currency has done can stop everything, all your efforts. And um, she best believes she will wake up to a voice note, oh my god, I am so stressed out. This happened, that happened, I don't even know what to do again. This one, this one. And she's like, Oh, you know, I'm so sorry you're going through this. If there's anything that you need me to do, do you need me to loan you some money, or do you need me to pray with you? Yeah, she has now. I think she has once or twice. And I, you know, I'm not the sort of person who would, you know, uh get money from you and not pay back. I'm not that kind of rubbish person, like, no, no, no, let's be real now. Um, and you know, because there are there are situations, and I feel like for you to be real friends, I can be, I can say to you, I'm not forming for you, I'm not telling you, oh, look, I don't have money. Can you borrow me more? And it's not because I'm using the money to buy Schwam back, it's because I actually put it for something important and I give the money back. So you so there are many situations or I'm stressed out, especially when I was when I just had my baby and I was stressed out about so many things. Oh my god, I'm overwhelmed, she's not sleeping, stressing my life. This one, this one. Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_04I talk about so don't talk about it. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, so so many situations, or oh my god, there's a what am I gonna do with my life? Some days I'm like, honestly, I don't know what I want to do next with my life. Can't I just be? I'm so tired. I'm telling you, like you know, there's so many, so many. Um I feel I don't feel in any way that I have to hide my feelings when I'm not feeling 100%, you know, and I know that she's not one gonna mock me, she's not going to spread anything that I tell her, and she's always gonna be supportive. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well done, good friend. Yeah, like I am always there for Tolu.
SPEAKER_01No! Which situation, which tough situation have I helped you through?
SPEAKER_02I would say when my mom passed, and I think with me, like Tolu said, I'm a very private person, and I think that also comes from being really close to my sister. So if anything happens, um I'm the oldest girl, but my sisters are my people. So I can call Kemi, this is what happened. Call Tola, sometimes call my brother, depending on the situation. But in terms of friends, I think Tolu was the first person that realized that something was wrong.
SPEAKER_01I would not let you know.
SPEAKER_02Can you just leave me alone to be in peace? So she really helped, and she was just supportive. She knew I didn't really want to talk, but she was like, If you want to talk, and I'm just like, okay, fine. But to be fair to her, it was actually very helpful. I don't think I really talked about it with like a lot of my friends. But I think over time people would ask, I'd be like, okay. She helped me through that, and I'm trying to see what else. Oh, okay. I remember when I first started working, I won't name the company and I just used to have it with my boss because I just felt like I was doing all her work. Can you imagine all of these things? I remember one of my other jobs as well. So you're not going out. You don't have date nights with your husband anymore. What's happening? And I'm like, Yeah, I was working seven days a week. Oh my gosh, it was crazy. But she already knew that something was up, so thank you, my friend.
SPEAKER_05A rough time, but like I've had lots of things happening. I remember something I won't talk about, but it was like a health-related thing. I was pretty big, and I just broke down, and it was like, you know, but she was she came through, she was clutch, and then man matter. She has been there for years. Drop that guy. Yeah, I should have taken she's that friend, yeah. He's useless, drop him, drop him, drop him, he's useless, drop him. I should have taken that advice earlier than I did, actually. But thanks for that. Um yeah, but yeah, she's she's she's come through. I mean, health, as I said, like just with like life things, even work things. Like she said, oh, something I give her advice on. She gives me advice on you're not charging enough. Up the money. Like, you're not asking for you know, beginning to go ahead and know you are. You know, you have to friends that hype you up, yeah. She's out, she's among them. She's among them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think you're this lady. Um, yeah, Bola is back to what you said. Bola is the um, if I'm like talking to anyone when I was talking to anyone, when I was talking to anyone, obviously, because you know, I knew her when I was still single. And if you ask Bola and she's like, hmm, just tell it, Bola's just like, you know, she just she doesn't say too much. Uh, but in terms of what she's helped me through, um, do you know what? I don't know if I tell you enough, but you've actually really, really helped me uh navigate my way through motherhood. Um because if I cry, I'm breaking cameras. I'm breaking cameras. So um, as you know, you know, you probably know as well, like when you have your first child, it's like you you you kind of in theory know what you're supposed to do, but in reality, it is so overwhelming. Uh so when I came back with my first son, like literally within a few days, um, my husband had to travel for training. I didn't have a nanny, my mom didn't come back, um, hadn't come back um from the UK. And it was just me and my son. And I'm just like, what am I supposed to do with this dude? And I also wasn't quite sure how to go from, okay, now I've had a baby, how do I get back to let's try and snatch this belly small, let's try and do this. And and Bola was, I remember there was one of the first times that I actually went out with my son. Bola was just like, let's go, we're going out. And I just, you know, I got dressed, I put him in the car, see, I drove. And all the while I'm driving, I'm like, and just just making me come out, just making me come out, and we didn't even do anything really crazy, just making me come out and just basically say, no, you you got this, you can do this, you can do this. So that was a that really boosted my confidence. Um, all the, you know, I didn't I think also because she's so chill, it's almost like it's okay, it's okay. And I'll be like, but I'll freaking out. She's like, it's fine, it's fine. And then obviously with the marital thing, I'm like, I'm gonna burn, I'm gonna burn everything, I'm gonna burn everything. But I was like, calm down, you know, and I'll just like no put herself like Yeah. So she's like definitely the one that just, you know.
SPEAKER_03So you had the hysterical friend.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I really feel, like I said before, she is I really feel that you need to have a friend that you can completely be, you're not your real self. So there are other friends that I might be going through like something, and they're like, What's up? And I'm like, I'm good, everything's good, you know, work is just crazy.
SPEAKER_03Because they would panic will make you panic more.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, as it I probably won't say anything to them. So I I could literally be having that conversation like with them, like, oh, how's everything? And I'm like, I'm good, work is oh, you know, work is crazy. What is it? You know, having like that. Then literally, the next conversation I'm having, I mean, but with I'm talking to Bola, and I'm like, oh my god, everything's fucking funny. You know, so I like the fact that I can be like that with her. And she's she's I think she's she's taking it like it's gonna be crazy. But it's a good crazy, it's a manageable crazy. She's not, you know, so I really appreciate that she's my she's my answerable friend.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think it's important to have friends that listen to you as well as you listen to them. I was once friends with someone who I realized, um, if I would be honest about certain things, she didn't like it. And it wasn't like I was saying it in a mean or wicked way, it was just like come, this thing that you did is not quite, it's not, and the person didn't quite, you know, and so she was moving back, and me too, I was like, Great, me too, I'll be moving back. I don't I can't be friends with someone that I cannot be real with. You understand? And then I I stepped back and I realized, and I was observing, I was like, uh, okay, it's not just me. She can't help it. She like there were different pockets of friends that she quarreled with at different points, and I was just like, Okay, okay, nice. It's it's not it's not me, it's you.
SPEAKER_05Okay, I have a question for you guys. I mean, us guys, I don't know. I have a question. How do you deal with a friend who is friends with somebody that you're not friends with? And when I say you're not friends with, not just like you don't know them, but like friends that you are fought with friends that you are like we have very diverse.
SPEAKER_01One of my one and you you know this and you accept it. One of my rules, one of my rules, as in like I said, I have different categories, like as a close friend, I'm I'm I can be a jealous friend. I can be a jealous friend. So, first of all, if me and you are out, like okay, as we're sitting now, do you know this girl?
SPEAKER_05I met her if she's just outside, okay.
SPEAKER_01But it doesn't mean we can't hang out. Oh, she has a bonga. I know her. I know you're but why are you having why are you having drinks with her and you're not like you know, why you're not a manga baby? You didn't tell me. Like, what is it? It's actually like I'm very, I don't know. It's territorial. It's very, very territor. I am territorial. I am territorial. So if I like we're at a gathering or whatever, and then you know, I'm like, hey Bulla, meet something in Bulla something, something meet Bola, and then I see you guys really dallying Instagram.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_01And I'm just like, what? So don't so what I do is just ignore it. So she actually I'm not you know the picture. You know what I do? But you know what I do though? So I I know Bola sisters, I know Bola sisters. Um, Kemi, Kemi's my crush. Uh so when I like if we have a conversation or if anything, I find a way to I just like mention it to Bola because I feel like not that I feel like I have to report to her, but I'm just like, you know, I just think that's that's fine. But Bola's like, but I don't care. Why can't they just go? And I'm like, no, they need to let you know. They need to let you know. Okay, all right. So let me, oh let's this is an interesting one. So have you ever mourned a friendship like a breakup? Have you had like a friendship that it literally felt like, oh my gosh, this is like a breakup.
SPEAKER_05I have I have never uh no a friendship breakup, uh no, it's painful. Ah, I've I've cried, I've been sad, I've been like, oh my god. I've I think I've mourned friendship breakups, or if I've had a friendship breakup, even more than with a guy, honestly. Yeah, because that's to me. I'm just like ah, my friendships are like for me to be not.
SPEAKER_03I I don't know, I don't what's the word I let me just think about it?
SPEAKER_05If I say I'm not friends again today, she will weeple.
SPEAKER_00We will not be friends, we will be friends, we will be friends.
SPEAKER_01When I think about it, right? There are few there are a few people that if maybe we weren't friends anymore, I would if this one tried to say that she's not friends with me anymore. Ah, that might be the only time that I'll go on, I'll do like a Kanye Twitterant, I will tell everybody, I'll go and see your dad, I'll talk to your husband, I'll speak to your sisters, and everybody will come and have to settle this issue. You know, but there's there there was a particular friendship that when it ended, I literally felt like somebody had broken up with me. And I was, and when I'm very when I'm um in situations like that, I can't stop talking about it.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well, actually, I remember. I remember there was this one friend I had in uni, and then all of a sudden, you know, she started to act weird. Long story short, she started to act weird, and then we we stopped speaking, and it was very painful for me. So I didn't mourn it, but it was very painful.
SPEAKER_01It was it was, and this was somebody the one I'm talking about, we've been friends. Oh my gosh, like since we were 16, 15, 16. And it was, and I was just like, and I think we had a we ended up having a conversation, so something had happened, and I didn't know. So you know how sometimes you know something happened, and I didn't know and I wasn't aware. Okay, and um it was, I think I just like either I just had a baby, then I had another baby and everything, and I was just like, Oh, then I just realized I was like I haven't really spoken to her much. I was like, Oh, you know what, everyone's just busy with their own, you know, and I didn't think of about it. And then we finally talked about it, and she had been carrying something, and I was and I was really upset because I was like, as your friend, if I did something that upset you, you bring it up, you don't just you know, and then she's like, Oh, this happened, and then she went back to like, oh, and then 10 years ago this happened, and I was just like, So it was it was kind of like, Oh, I then you know, I just thought I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was something along the lines of um, I don't need friends like this or whatever. And I was like, You're breaking off with me. But it was we tried to talk it out, but it was not the same, it was it was it's not been the same, it's not been the same. So that is one that I'm just like a bit sad about. But yeah, there are a few people that are just like, you say you're not my friend, it's okay. You're saying no, it's not it's not happening that way. You usually if Paula was to say to me tomorrow, I don't want to be your friend, I'd be like, That's your view, however, I'll come to your house tomorrow, or you know, I'll see you here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've never had friends that I've fallen out with. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Well, as well, as childhood friends. I've had are with like work colleagues. Oh, man. For the most part, most I think the issue is because as a child, I think I moved around to the officer. So I don't have those friends that you've known for like 30 years. So I was always forced to make new friends. Okay. Do you know what I mean? And because I don't like to fight. When I don't I don't like to fight, it doesn't, it takes a lot to get me really angry to the point where I'll be like, I don't like or I hate this person. I find like those words are super very strong.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but really doesn't fight. That's good. Like she just doesn't fight. That's good.
SPEAKER_03So sometimes so you might say when you when you are upset, but you just you just talk it out, right?
SPEAKER_02I mean, I I wouldn't say anything, but I have to make sure I let it out at some point. Right. Because I don't want to be fake and and smiley, yeah. When you no no, it's not fine.
SPEAKER_03No, I get it. We there's so much to talk about, but we have fan mail. Okay, should we get their opinion?
SPEAKER_01Yes, before before we do that, last question. Do you tell her you love her and do you tell her you love her? Yes, okay. Well, I love you. So that means you know I do, but I love you. I love you. She's been telling me. She's been wanting me to say it. She's been you send a message I love you. But maybe she'll l- I'll be like, Your mother, love you. That's so funny. Okay, fan mail. All right, do you want to read this one? Okay, okay. Let me read it. And then you guys have to give your advice. Don't give your, you know.
SPEAKER_05Well-behaved advice. Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01Well-behave friends advice. I am a well-behaved friend. Hi, Damian Tools. Um, I'm A. I've been watching your show since forever. I enjoy your show and I learn a lot most of the time. But I need advice from you both as a big sis to a young lady. I work as a maid, I have a side food business, but currently pregnant. So all has been on hold for months now. Baby comes next year, April slash May. Uh, the baby daddy. When did they send this? The baby daddy wants me, but not the baby. Reasons being he's not mentally ready. Not judging, he's been married before, but divorced with kids. I met them earlier this year, he flew them in and we were all good and cool, but he just doesn't want the baby. I can't abort because of cervical stenosis, some condition where the cervix is extremely narrow and he still doesn't care. He gives financial support whenever I ask, but I'm just left wondering what happened. I think I might have a rejection problem, but the advice I'd need now is I can is how I can manage to raise about two million to start a business. What business would you advise me to start? I'm thinking about cooking, gas, drinks, uh frozen food, or furthering my food business.
SPEAKER_05I just feel like perhaps that's not the advice that she needs. Yes. That is not the advice that she needs. She needs to go ahead and throw that gentleman out the door. I'm so sorry. And get him to support. Somebody that doesn't care that even though you have a life-threatening like issue that means you can't abort morals and whatever, you know, aside on your own views of whether you want to actually have the kid. You said you want to have the kid. You two were doing firacco. The kid is now in the picture. He doesn't want the kid. But once you and wants you to abort, but once you. That sounds like a murder, right? He doesn't want you. He doesn't want to be able to do it. Exactly. He doesn't really want you.
SPEAKER_02Like he's he's So what advice is she looking for? How's what business to start?
SPEAKER_01Well, if she's saying that he gives her money, get the money from the kid. Get the money from Jimmy. Yeah, for your kid. I just know that you know, what is that worse?
SPEAKER_05If you're having a kid in the next few months, you really have to be mentally and like physically okay. Make sure your health is okay. I don't know that this is the best time to start a business. Starting a business.
SPEAKER_01It's very it's very, very tricky to actually have to start business. She she she she said that he does financially support sometimes. So just you know. Whenever I ask. Whenever, yeah. So she just asked, get the money from him, get a huge chunk of money from him. And then, you know, at least make sure that, you know, till till the end of your pregnancy, till the baby comes, at least you have like a good, you know, few months where you're okay, you don't have to worry about bills because it's quite clear that this person's not going to be in the picture.
SPEAKER_02I still think that my philosophy is pregnancy is not a disease. If you're pregnant, you can start your cooking business from home. Everybody's cooking something, sending it here. So she needs to do something now. Because this guy can wake up tomorrow and say, I'm not doing anything. So what's going to happen? She should find something she can manage from home and sustain till after she even has the baby.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Just assume that the guy's not in the picture. Yeah, she's just figured it out.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So thank you so much. This wasn't that I was so scared. I was like, what am I gonna say?
SPEAKER_05People are gonna be watching this, they'll be like, eh, there's no tea. They need to drop tea.
SPEAKER_01Let me see. To be honest, anything I did if if it's not bolla, or not dead. No, orca, I'll I'll put drug. I'm sorry. They said things, yeah. Let me see. Do I have of course I have Ouraka's gist as well, but she has more of mine. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03But it's fun, yeah. This is fun. Thank you so much for coming.
SPEAKER_01And I I was really bad. I forgot that we were supposed to bring a friend. So I had to uh call Bola yesterday and just doing it. She was like, she was like, I don't know. And then Bola says to me, Can you send the questions? I'm like, whatever Beyoncé. I was like, okay. I was like, can you send the questions? Send the questions. Anyway, so one of one of the ways I learned her was basically by saying that she could talk a little bit about her school because she's doing fantastic and amazing things at her school.
SPEAKER_02Okay, let me tell you all about my school. Okay, so I run this school in Potaka called Bloomberg Schools. It's been around for over 27 years, and my mom was running it, my late mom was running it before. Um, so I woke up four years ago and decided I was gonna quit my job and go run the school in Potaka. So so far, so good. I'm super proud of the school. Um, we have well over a thousand students now. I have two campuses, one is a full boarding school with 411 students. And then I have a day school that has over 700 students, so it's a lot of work, but I actually really enjoy it. So when I'm going to Portaco, I'm like excited. Like I'm gonna go see my staff, I'm gonna see my kids, you know. So I think it's very important to do stuff that you love. It's not easy because dealing with teenagers is a difference. I always call people, can you imagine? These teenagers, it's a different ball game altogether, but I think all the work I did in HR and just my general personality has really, really helped me. So I'm excited, I'm expanding. You know, I feel like I'm fulfilling my purpose. So yeah. Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_01So I'll pay your money for saying other good things later. Thank you so much for stopping by. Please let me do not seize your prayer for me.
SPEAKER_05You know, I will do my best with what you see about hungry or yeah, slow Lagos. Oh, yeah, something nice, something nice.
SPEAKER_02Would you like to join?
SPEAKER_01I mean, I'll think about it. Do what you want to do. Don't try me, don't try me. You don't want to be one.
SPEAKER_03I would like to make fun of a friend of mine. I'd be like, what straight friend do you have now? Because that time she used to have you just show up at her house, and there's some friend. I'm like, That's really late. Who is this one? She just there for a few weeks. I'm like, who the house? Like living in a house, yeah. For like a couple of weeks or sometimes months, and I'm like, you just collect them like straight cats, they just show up every time who is this one again? Like, well, yeah, good luck. Let me enjoy. Abby.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, thank you so much for stopping by, ladies, and uh, best of luck with everything. Thank you for coming. This was like a nice warming episode. I like that. This is nice.
SPEAKER_03It is time for Money Zone brought to you by our good friends at Money Point. Yes, and I have a question for you. You're a business owner. Um, what are your top two pain points as a business owner?
SPEAKER_01Uh oh gosh, the top two pain points. Being able to um like leave my business and have other people run it. That's something that I just I I I can't think of. Struggle with, yeah. Yeah. And then the fluctuating costs of things. That's my idea. Because there was a time that um there was a time that I I I think I had to order, I ordered some fabric and um I'd ordered it, but by the time everything was ready and I needed to ship, the cost of shipping all those things in was pretty much almost as the the same as what was I was actually buying. And I was just like, what the actual hell? So fluctuating costs and then not being able to just say, okay, you know what? Um I'm gonna leave uh you know the business to this person to handle for me.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I think for me, um one thing I I still there's a pain point for me is yes, that one, um, trying to kind of hands off. When I say hands-off, not that you just abandon your business, but having competent staff that will do the right thing without being micromanaged. And I think that rob you blind. Yeah. And I think a lot of business owners, regardless of the what's the what's the word I'm looking for, the the sector they're in, they struggle with that. That's one. Another thing that's um I always worry about is okay, I need to maybe expand or do something else. And I think um cash flow. Cash flow can be a thing, especially when you're not the sort of person that they pay first before you now. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, you have to kind of use your own money to get things done. So that those are um some things for me. And I think that Money Points finds ways to ease your stress as an entrepreneur. For example, if you're thinking of, okay, you need money for you know, for maybe like a new collection or machinery or something like that. As a business owner who has a Money Point account, you can actually get access to loans. Another thing that you can do is also they have something called Money Book where it helps you keep your inventory so you know where all your goods are, you know, you can trace transactions, you can also pay bills on the Money Point app. So make sure you get it today. Um, if you are the sort of person who requires like a physical card, for example, and you prefer some people who don't want a card, some people prefer to just do transfer, some people prefer to pay with cards. You can actually request a card and they will bring it to you within 24 to 48 hours wherever you are, as long as I believe as long as you're in Nigeria. Someone asked me the other day what I think about starting a business with her boom. So, do you the moment she said that I was like, So, what do you think about mixing uh business and love? I want to say no. Uh-uh. Did everybody hear her?
SPEAKER_01Did you hear her? I said hell no.
SPEAKER_03You said you said f no. So where is our P P O S? P-O-S. Chance now. P-O-S. P-O-S. Whatever. P-O-S. Whatever bank. P S P.
SPEAKER_01I'm too.
SPEAKER_03You know what? It's like you knew that you were going to curse. It was just right there. Bring the money. What is it? Take it. Oh shit. I think I'm gonna put like 500k because you are capable, young lady.
SPEAKER_01Look, you just it would just say transaction declined. I don't have 500k.
SPEAKER_03I've put I've put 10k. Calm down.
SPEAKER_01It was 5k.
SPEAKER_03Was it 5k? Big 2026. It can't be 5k. 10k now. What is it to you? You can't even buy your lunch.
SPEAKER_01Am I not hearing you discuss I want to go to a booker? That's enough for my lunch.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, your friend wants to go to where you put going now. Slow. I mean what you say. And I even even 10k cannot buy a cocktail as slow.
SPEAKER_01It's still my money. Okay. I was making sure. There you go. Uh enjoy the money. Thank you very much. Okay, somebody's gonna win this money at the end of the season. Thank you, people, and your entrapment. Next ways. Don't be cursing. So Gemy doesn't collect the rest of my money. I think we're going to end the show right now.
SPEAKER_03So basically, your answer to um mixing love and business is a big no. There are successful businesses.
SPEAKER_01There are, there are, but I think, yeah, I think you need to really, really understand each other. Because um, if your relationship is not a hundred percent solid and you bring money conversations into it, oh my goodness, it can really speed up the deterioration. Um, and both of you have to be you have to be great business people and you have to be focused and very, very committed. So it's uh it's it's a big it's a big thing, it's a very, very big deal.
SPEAKER_03Well, there is money book on uh money points on the app basically that helps you track things like inventory spending and so on and so forth. So you might want to consider that if you are going into business with your boo. Good luck with that.
SPEAKER_01Good luck about it a lot, a lot, good luck, all right.