Creating Comfort in Difficult Times with Your Kids - Ep 320

In this episode of the Rocksolid Families podcast, hosts Linda Hutchinson and her husband discuss the importance of emotional comfort for children. They emphasize the role of parents, caregivers, and educators in providing this comfort, especially during challenging emotional moments. The hosts set the stage for a conversation about how emotional comfort can significantly impact a child’s long-term emotional health.

•Definition: Emotional comfort is described as the support and reassurance that parents and caregivers provide to children when they are experiencing intense emotions, such as sadness, anger, or frustration.

•Importance: The hosts convey that while it is crucial to provide comfort, it is equally important not to over-coddle children. They discuss the balance of creating a safe emotional environment from which children can venture into the “choppy waters” of life.

The Need for Emotional Regulation

•Understanding Emotions: Children often lack the vocabulary to articulate their emotions. The hosts stress the importance of helping children identify and understand their emotions, which is a vital part of emotional regulation.

•Consequences of Poor Emotional Support: Without adequate emotional comfort and regulation, children may struggle with self-soothing and coping mechanisms, leading to long-term emotional difficulties.

Introducing the MATS Framework

The hosts introduce a simple framework—MATS—to help caregivers respond to children’s emotional needs effectively.

MATS Breakdown

1.M - Mention:

Observation: The first step is to acknowledge the child’s emotional state by mentioning what you see. For example, stating, “You look really upset right now,” helps the child feel seen and understood.

Body Language: Observing body language is crucial; it provides insight into how children  are feeling, especially if they are non-verbal.

2.A - Ask:

Curiosity: The next step involves asking questions to validate the child’s feelings. Encouraging children to express themselves is essential for emotional processing.

Avoiding Dismissal: The hosts emphasize that caregivers should refrain from downplaying the child’s feelings and instead validate their emotions to help them feel heard.

3.T - Touch:

Appropriate Connection: The framework includes physical touch, such as hugs or gentle touches, which can offer comfort. However, the hosts advise being cautious with physical contact, especially if it is not a common practice in the household.

Creating Comfort: Physical presence can help children feel secure, aiding in emotional regulation.

4.S - Stay:

Presence: Finally, staying with the child until their emotional needs are met is crucial. This involves sitting in silence if necessary and showing that you are there for them without rushing to “fix” the situation.

Long-Term Impact: The hosts stress that this steady presence creates a sense of security and helps children understand that they are not alone in their struggles.

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