Own Your Work

Let Self-Care be Self-Care: Lessons For a Healthier Take on Self-Care

• Sonja Holmes

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Have you ever wondered about the real essence of self-care? Is it just about being better for others or more about recognizing our own worth? I'm Sonja Holmes, your host and I'm thrilled to share my self-care journey. Often, we see self-care as a tool for productivity. But what if we shift this narrative and see self-care as an ultimate goal, a testament to our self-worth, not just a means to an end? Let's challenge traditional thinking and appreciate that we deserve care, nurture, and love simply by virtue of our existence.

The journey towards prioritizing self-care is an act of self-compassion. It's not about turning chores into productive tasks, but transforming them into gifts for ourselves. It entails knowing what we need, identifying what energizes or drains us, and understanding how we thrive. So, let's unlearn and relearn the value of self-care together. Because you and I, we are all worth it. We are more than our work, and we deserve to be cared for. Let’s redefine self-care and recognize it as an investment in our wellbeing.

https://www.sonjaholmes.com

Speaker 1:

Hey, friends, it's Sonya Holmes here and you're listening to the Own your Work podcast, where I bring you some inspiration and some actionable steps to help you create your best work life. Yet Now you might be saying, well, sonya, well, what's my best work life? It's one that actually works for you. And come on, friends, you know when it ain't working, all right, okay. So, friends, I'm really excited about today's conversation. We are going to have a conversation that has to be had, okay, somebody has to say it and somebody has to talk about it, and you know it's going to be me. Okay, no, no, but for real, anytime we talk about, you know, creating a work life that actually works for us, right, when we talk about envisioning what our best life would look like, right, a line fulfilled, all the things you fill in the blank. We have to talk about our wellness. We have to talk about our well-being, because that is the center of it all, that is the heart of it all our well-being. So today, we're going to talk about self-care, right, prioritizing our well-being through self-care. So I want to talk about it and just know, today I am not coming from a mountain top. I mean, I don't ever come from a mountain top. You all like I'm sharing my journey. So it's never. I'm never. Sonya is never sharing from an I have arrived place. I'm sharing from a journey, I'm sharing the things that I've learned and I'm just sharing it with you. I'm here in the field, walking side by side with you, just sharing the things that I'm learning, and please know, I'm open to learning from you too. So let's talk about it, friends. I want to share just a couple points or a couple things, lessons that I've been learning on my journey of self-care. And I think this first one is really more of a confession, but it's a lesson, it's something that I'm learning, and okay. So here's my confession.

Speaker 1:

Y'all, for a long time I've prioritized my self-care and it's always been a goal of mine and it's been like this reminder it's felt like a chore, and I realize that it felt like a chore because of the reason why I've been trying to, or wanting to, prioritize my self-care. So here's my confession A long time I've been prioritizing my self-care so that I can be better for others. I wanted to make sure I was taking care of myself so I can be a better mom, I can be a better wife, I can be a better employee, I can show up better for the world, I can be more productive, I can perform better, I can be a better X, y and Z all the things right, even I can just be better for Sonia. But most of the reason why I wanted to be or I wanted to prioritize self-care and I knew that it was important was so I can be better for others. And while that's a very positive thing right, like who doesn't want to be better for others? That's a beautiful thing but I realized that it felt like a chore and it was rooted in this idea that I was not enough. Taking care of myself for the sheer purpose of taking care of myself was not enough. I needed other reasons to just prioritize myself. And yeah, like I mean, although that can be pretty positive and it can motivate you, I realized for myself and on this journey that the awakening was that all of those things are it's the cherry on top, those are bonuses.

Speaker 1:

Me prioritizing myself in taking care of myself is the goal. The goal isn't to be productive. The goal isn't, you know, to take care of myself so I can be better for X, y and Z. All of those things are beautiful, but it's just a byproduct. Productivity is a byproduct of taking care of yourself. It is not the goal. And for a long time I use self-care as like a tool or a means so that I can do better for others and be more productive.

Speaker 1:

And I realize and I'm still unlearning this that self-care is the goal to care for myself, period, because I deserve to be cared for. You, my friend, deserve to be cared for. You are worthy to be taken care of, to be nurtured and to be loved, just because of your sheer existence. And that is a standalone item, right, that is a standalone period. You deserve to be cared for, period. Okay, so that has been like the first, I feel, like big lesson that I've been learning and unlearning.

Speaker 1:

It's leaning into this idea that I deserve to be cared for. I deserve to be deeply nurtured, loved for, cared for, seen, noticed, heard all the things. And that is what self-care is for me. It's taking care of myself, and I know there's a lot of messaging where it's like taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It is selfless because you get to be better for the world and that is beautiful, right, that is beautiful when you look at it that way.

Speaker 1:

But if you have no one to take care of. If you don't take care of anyone, if you are by yourself, you still deserve self-care. All of those things are just bonuses. You deserve self-care. You deserve to be cared for. Period the end Okay. The fact that you exist, okay, the fact that you are here. You deserve to be loved and cared for and seen and thought of and being able to care for yourself and practice self-care is a way that you're able to fill that right, to fill that need that you get to do it yourself in a deep, in a very, very deep way. Period the end Boom, okay, drop the mic. You deserve to be cared for and loved as a standalone, all right.

Speaker 1:

So that's been the first lesson for me and I'm still like leaning into it. It's still sometimes feel like am I worth this, right? Am I worth being like? I need to care for myself so I can be, you know, fill in all the things, right. I deserve this because I need to be a good mom or I need to be a good one up. All of those things are great, it's noble, but I deserve to be cared for because I deserve to be cared for. Period all right, and I'm owning it because I'm worth that and so are you, friend. All right, thank you very much. Bye, all right, I'm gonna move on to the next one.

Speaker 1:

Okay, that leads me to the next point. Okay, what I'm learning on this journey of Caring for myself, right, of self-care, is that in order for you to care for yourself, you have to know yourself. So, in order for you to deeply care for yourself, right, if you really want to give yourself the self-care that you need, you got to get to know yourself. Friend, you have to know that I saw, and so that is part of the journey. Right, self-care isn't, you know? I know you've probably heard this before, right, I know, we all know that it's not bubble baths or just you know. You know manny and petty's and you know Sipping lemonade in a shade, right, I know you know that. Right, there's more to self-care, but it's part of it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, ain't nothing wrong with a little lemonade and shade, but part of really being able to care for yourself is knowing yourself and like, knowing what it is that you want, knowing what you need, knowing how you thrive, knowing how you feel best, knowing what lights you up, knowing what energizes you, knowing what drains you, knowing what triggers you right, knowing what puts you off into a place where you know you don't want to be. Like getting to know yourself. That is how you care for yourself. When you know these things about yourself, you can show up for yourself in a way where you can care for yourself Very deeply and intimately, in a way where no one can, because you know yourself in a very deep way. And so I want to encourage you To get to know yourself.

Speaker 1:

I know I've talked about it before, but being a student of you, like Not just for productivity, not just to be better or to perform or to reach a goal, like because you deserve to be known, you deserve to be seen, you deserve to be loved and cared for, and Part of that is getting to know what you really want. I mean, you can take baby steps. Just look, if somebody say what you want to eat, what you want to order boo, all right, I said that for my friend. She listens and she knows I get into this like what you want to order boo. But the next time someone says that to you friends, or what would you like to eat, okay, try simply responding or pausing for a moment and really thinking huh, what do I want to eat? What do I want? Right, and I know that sounds so like, probably trivial, like it sounds so minor, but that can be a big step for some of us, like for some of us who don't make decisions, or delay decisions, or you know, oh, we just I'll go with what you want, start making little decisions, like Deciding on what you want to eat, what sounds good to you. Okay, it can just be making decisions for yourself, knowing what you want and knowing what you don't want, knowing what you like and what you don't like, what energizes you, what drains you, really taking the time to get to know yourself. You deserve to be known, okay, all right. So that's the second part. Like the second big lesson that I've been learning in this is that, in order for me to take care of myself, I got to know myself, I got to know what I need and yeah, yeah, I said enough there, okay.

Speaker 1:

And then the next point that I want to make, a lesson that I feel like I've been learning when it comes to self care, is that self care is rooted in self Compassion and compassion. It drives you to move. Compassion, it causes you to move, to act. It causes you to want to move. Suffering for someone to want to, you know, ease the pain for someone, to relieve them, right, to remove some of the burden off of someone like that's what compassion does, right, it fuels your empathy and it causes you to act. And so self care is rooted in self compassion and I, even when I think about compassion, I just think about Jesus as well too. I think he's a great example of this, because the Bible talks about Jesus and you know how, if he saw someone who was ill, it says that he was moved to compassion and then you know he healed, right. So that that I just think about.

Speaker 1:

When I think about compassion, I think about being, like driven into action and having this desire, like this, this something in your belly just wants to cause you to move to help, right, you want to go into action to help, and so when I think about that for myself, I think about this. When I look at in practice, I think about how can I help my future self, like how can I help Sonia in this moment or Sonia of tomorrow? Is there something that I can do to help ease, to help relieve, to help remove some burden from her? And so that, for me, has been a major game changer in my self care. And I know like a lot of times we have like nighttime routines and morning routines and all the different things, but you know, for a long time it felt like a chore. But when I started to look at it from a gift, like okay, what can I do to help my future self you know tomorrow, sonia it's been a game changer for me and I'll just share in practice, like what this actually looks like. But before I do that, I want to share with you Tara Moore in that book.

Speaker 1:

I know I've talked about her a lot, but she talks about gift goals right, if you want to do something, but it feels like a chore, like sometimes we just need to reframe it and like you need to think about what's the gift in it. And she talks about gift goals. Another book talks about this idea and they don't call it. They don't call it gift goals. It's another name that they, that she calls it, but it's in this book on how to keep a house while drowning. But it talks about like just doing the things out of love, doing things for yourself out of love. So for me it's it like giving myself and being like compassionate and showing myself self. Compassion really looks like okay, what's the meaning of love?

Speaker 1:

And I know that I have four kids under the age of nine and we have a busy, crazy, jam packed morning and so, like what I try to do in order for me to gift her a slow morning right, to be able to slow down, to wind down right, I try to relieve some of tomorrow's birding burden today. So that's, you know, making sure the kids clothes are out, making sure lunches are packed tonight instead of in the morning. You know just all the anything that I can do tonight that's going to help me tomorrow. So that way, tomorrow I know that having four kids morning is going to be unpredictable, right and sometimes pretty chaotic. So what can I do to ease some of the burden? Take one less thing or one take one thing off of Sonia's plate tomorrow so I don't have to worry about that and give her some space. Gift her some space because, just in case it all goes smoothly, at least she doesn't have to do this thing.

Speaker 1:

And when I do this for myself, like even if at night I have a lot of things to do, I have to do it, and when I do this for myself, like even if at night I don't feel like doing it, if I think about myself in this moment or Sonia in the morning, feeling rushed, like that's not the space that I want to be in, it can really set the tone for my day. And so, for me, doing little things like that at night is an act of self love and self compassion. It's not just a morning routine or a night routine to check a box or anything like. It is how I love on myself tomorrow and so and it's not even about productivity, it's not so I can have a more productive day Like it has literally given me the space to just breathe a little bit, to have a slower morning, so I don't feel rushed, so I don't feel chaotic, so I don't feel like scattered, like that is how I help myself tomorrow. And there's a lot of other things that I do that I do in the present to do for myself tomorrow, but a lot of times it's just like making a decision today, making it easier to free up the mind space for myself, and that for me, is like a big way of how I show myself compassion tomorrow, how I show my future self some love and so, yeah, so that's what I do. That is my like gift for myself, right? So, yeah, I think those really are like the main points that I just wanted to share with y'all today.

Speaker 1:

When it comes to self care, this is a journey, right? I don't have it all figured out, but some of the things I am unlearning is some things I'm learning and I wanted to share that with you. So I wanna encourage you to if you, or anything like me where you prioritize self care to as a goal, right, so that you can be more productive or so that you can show up better and be better for everyone else I wanna encourage you to be selfish, and it's okay. Take care of yourself, because you are worthy of that period as a standalone, okay. So that's my first takeaway for you. The second one is get to know yourself, because if you wanna care for yourself deeply, you need to know that self, okay?

Speaker 1:

So that is the second thing that I want you to do, friends like, get to know yourself, start your journey and then finally ask yourself what can you do today to help your future self? How can you be moved with compassion to help yourself? That is what I hope for you and I hope that it is rooted in love. I hope that it's rooted in self-compassion, no judgment, all compassion, grace and love bottled up because, friends, you are worthy of it. You are worthy of self-care, you're worthy of love to be cared for, to be seen, to be nurtured, to be heard, to be valued. You are worth it all.

Speaker 1:

So, friends, I hope that you found this helpful. I'm just sharing with you from my experience, and you deserve to be cared for. Okay, all right, all right, okay, this is, in and of itself, period. All right, friends. Well, I hope that you enjoyed. I hope that you found one, at least one nugget that you can take away for yourself. And until next time, friends, you already know there's so much more to you than the work that you do. Own your work, don't let work own you. Until next time, friends, bye.