Own Your Work

Why You Need to Disrupt Your Default Mode and Try Something New

• Sonja Holmes

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What if we could disrupt the ingrained habits and routines that dictate our actions and potentially hinder our growth? Join me as I candidly share my own journey of challenging my default mode, a habit of remaining silent when I should speak up and saying yes to everything to the detriment of myself. This is an expedition not just into my personal default mode, but a collective exploration of how our default modes shape our work life, sometimes incongruously with our desires.

Brace yourselves, for this episode is all about introspection and courageous change. We're going to discover and dissect our default modes, and how they can either be our biggest ally or greatest foe in personal growth. Remember, work does not define us – we can redefine it to support the life we truly want. Let's disrupt our defaults, step out of our comfort zones, and embark on this transformational journey together. I promise you, this episode is life-changing. Let's do this!

https://www.sonjaholmes.com

Speaker 1:

Hey, friends, it's Sonya Holmes and you're listening to the Only Work podcast, where I bring you some inspiration and some actionable steps to helping you create your best work life.

Speaker 1:

Yet Now, before we get into today's topic, friends, I want to just take a moment and say thank you. Thank you so much for being on this journey with me. Thanks for being here and listening today. I know you can be anywhere doing anything, listen to anyone, but you are here with me and for that friend I am so, so grateful. Now, if you haven't already, make sure you go to SonyaHolmescom for it slash Join to subscribe, because every week before the episode comes out, I always send an email. Well, now I've been sending an email to let you know the release and also I've been popping in with other inspiration and things like that. So I really really want to get to know you more and stay connected with you. So please make sure you go to SonyaHolmescom for it slash join so that we can get to know each other a little bit more. You know kind of like off the record. Okay, all right, friends. So I'm excited about today's topic.

Speaker 1:

Friends, I think this is gonna be a short one, but I really want to ask the question of what is your default. What's your default? And I want to ask that question because you know part of just this whole journey of creating your best work life right, a work life that works for you, one where your life isn't all about work right, where work is, you know it's there to support the life that you want right, it's just a part of your life. Part of this journey is becoming a student of you and really knowing yourself and going deep with yourself, knowing the things that you need, knowing the things that you want and desire. I mean not what people think you should, right, not what we've been told that we should want and that we should work for and the things that we should achieve, because the world is throwing so many different messages at us, right, about the things that we should desire and the things that we want, but a lot of times those things aren't always authentic to us or they don't really align and resonate with us if we truly sit down and be quiet with ourselves and take the time to get to know ourselves and what we want. So you know, being a student of you is such an important part of the process and I want to ask the question that I feel like when it comes to becoming a student of yourself. This is one of those things that I think is so important that you know on this right, and that is what your default is. Okay, to create the life that you really want, right, a lot of times is going to involve getting outside of your comfort zone and doing things differently than what you probably normally would do, and doing things differently than the way that you've done it in the past, because a lot of times, the life that we want is going to involve a whole lot of different actions and is going to take for us to be intentional about really knowing what our default mode is. When you know what your default mode is, then you can be intentional about disrupting those things and taking new steps or new actions or creating and forming new habits. So I want to share with you maybe a couple of mine and how I've identified it and what I'm doing to work through it, and, as I'm sharing just my personal story, right, I want to encourage you to think about yours as well, too. So this is just a little short episode where we're gonna. You know, I'm just sharing from my personal experience, but it's something that I want you to think about on your journey, and that is, as you're becoming a student of you. You need to know what your default is.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so, in your default mode, there's a lot of different things that you do habitually that you probably don't even think about. Right, there's probably a certain route or certain way that you go to work every day, if you commute to work, or you commute or you drive the same place to take the kids to school, and that you probably don't even have to put a lot of thought into it. Right, you can just do this kind of like an autopilot. You don't put much thought into it, you just continue to go, because this has become a habit, it's become a routine, so it's like ingrained in you. You can do it almost in your sleep. But please don't do it in your sleep, do not drive in your sleep. I have a whole other episode or story I need to share with you on that, because your girl did fall asleep on the road before a few years ago was really really bad. But I'm here, by the grace of God, thank you, jesus.

Speaker 1:

So, anyways, as I was sharing with you, knowing what your default mode is, is these things that you do without thinking. It's the things that you do, just you know, whether it be your nature or just whatever, but these are your default modes. These are the habits that you have, that you form, that's ingrained in you, and sometimes it takes some intentional actions to really disrupt it. So, for me, my default mode is to, like, not always share my thoughts, like. My default mode is to people, please, to not want to rock the boat, like these are all the things that I that feels really comfortable for me, and so my default is to not say something or to you know, there's a lot of just different things that I'm thinking about. My what. My default is right, but particularly I want to share with you.

Speaker 1:

My default mode has been to not always speak up when I want it to right, and part of this podcast's journey has been part of the process of me exercising and practicing using my voice and sharing my perspective, and not necessarily I don't even know if I want to call it like finding my voice, because I've I feel like I've had it there. I think there's just been a moment in my life where I started to silence myself, for whatever reasons that you know. I probably just need to go deeper in, but I think there's a lot of different reasons. But, as I was saying, for me this podcast journey has been part of the undoing. You know, for a long time, like my default has been to be agreeable or to, you know, want to people please, or to not say no, so I would say yes like default. Yes has been like my default right and to the point where I would take on more than I can handle because, you know, I didn't know how to say no or I didn't want to say no, and that became like my default.

Speaker 1:

So, even with the finding and using my voice as well too, my default has been to be silent and to be quiet for whatever reasons. And so for me, knowing that these are my defaults, I actually have to be intentional about interrupting that, but also being present to what I'm doing in this moment and to challenge myself, to speak up in those moments, and sometimes it's like putting signs of reminders throughout your your. It can be on your wall and your office or different things like that, but things that's going to challenge you or remind you of who you are. It can be affirmation as well too, but just different, subtle ways for you to know what your default is and then actively disrupt those things and choose a new action. So for me, when I, you know, wanted to just use my voice more, I actually put, you know, the O, I, C, e on my. I had it on my wall and I had like each line of what it was.

Speaker 1:

Because for me, using my voice, it wasn't always easy for me, like I want to say something and I would keep myself on mute, or I would only feel more comfortable talking in a very small setting and not always, you know, with a larger audience, or sometimes I would feel comfortable with talking with a lot larger audience, but I had to be well prepared, meaning, you know, I did the presentation and the slides and things like that. Oh, I felt comfortable doing that. But just sharing my perspective, I didn't always and I will always, just by default, just, you know, listen to others but not always share, and don't get me wrong Like listening to others, like that's still number one. I think that's a big part of it, right. But now my default when I'm learning to do is unmute and share as well, share my perspective If I think I have something of value to add. So in this one particular area I've shared it on an episode before but with finding my voice, I put the VOI CE right in the vote. The V was for value, you know, value driven. The O was for like my opinion.

Speaker 1:

What was my initial reaction to it? I was for the insight, the C was for critical questions and the E was for my experience. And I went through some questions and asked myself these things because sometimes I would feel so overwhelmed that I didn't even know when to begin or what to share. So by having those simple reminders or visual cues for me in the room, it allowed me to think of OK, this is actually what I'm sharing. What? What are my thoughts? What are my initial reactions? Now, share it right. And then I would just find the courage to unmute. And sometimes I'll ask myself what would I normally do in this situation? Not say anything? I'm going to unmute and I'm going to say something right.

Speaker 1:

And then another area of mine where, like I have already shared, a default for me had always been to say yes. If someone brought something to me and asked for help, I will always want to say yes. Sometimes I would say it to the detriment of, like myself, knowing I did not have the space or capacity to do it. And then I'm here like working extra long because I said yes, right, and I had to learn those boundaries, but I had to undo it, and because I knew my default was always to say yes.

Speaker 1:

Now what I do is to pause before I say yes. You know, I have my whole yes criteria that I shared with you before. But, you know, not everything is always like a project or where you need to go through this particular criteria, but for me now it's just a simple. You know, I pause and think before I give my answer. And you know, and sometimes it's just asking myself right, when I want to say yes, I, before I do anything, ask myself like is this something that you want to do? Is this something? So, you know, while that might not sound like a big deal, but the pause for me has been an incredible help to disrupt that, that unintentional action that I'm used to taking. You know that default mode, and it's allowed me to pause and now take a moment to think about what I want to do, not what I usually do, not what my default behavior is, but what I want to do and who I want to be. So I want to encourage you to think about.

Speaker 1:

What are some things that you do? It's just by habit, just second nature for you that you do without thinking, you know. Do you say yes to everything without you know thinking you, without pausing, do you, you know, by default, not use your voice? Or maybe the complete opposite. Maybe you're the person who I won't say, won't be quiet. But what if your default is always the person to be the first one to speak up? Right? Is it something that you need to do differently? Right? What's your default?

Speaker 1:

Think about who you want to be, who you're becoming, who you are, you know being right. Think about that and be intentional about the actions that you want to take, because a lot of times, the life or the place or what you're visualizing for yourself, the growth and all those different things, is going to take for you to get away from those default habits. So, things that we didn't think and we didn't create intentionally, things that were just ingrained in us, things that we just did second nature. But as we become and step into more, being more intentional about creating the life that we want, we really do have to undo some of these default ways. So I hope this makes sense for you. I hope you know I know this is just a little short one.

Speaker 1:

I just really wanted to talk to you about this idea and ask you, on this journey to creating your best work life yet, right, you're so important to become a student of yourself. Part of becoming a student of yourself is knowing what your default mode is right, what your default mode is that could be hindering your growth, and how do you do, how do you become intentional about disrupting it and choosing a new action, choosing a new thing. So that's what I wanted to share with you today, friends. I hope that you think about your default modes. Some of them may be good or effective, and then there might be some that might be ineffective, in time to pause and really think about what your next action should be. So I encourage you to do that today, friends. I'm going to wrap this thing up all right, so you already know until next time, friends, remember there's so much more to you than the work that you do. Own your work, don't let work own you. Until next time, friends. Bye.