Ep23 How To Help A Mom Help Her Daughter Battling Addiction

 Are you a parent worried about whether or not you’ll see your daughter alive again due to her addiction? 

This episode will show you two very different versions of what it's like when you ask a professional for help for your loved one with addiction. First, you will learn what the addiction treatment industry will say you must do. Without knowing a thing about your daughter. You’ll experience the impact of the judgment and blame the industry greets you with when asking for help.

It doesn’t have to be that way. You'll then see another more practical approach, the CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) approach. CRAFT embraces the fact that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to recovery. 

You’ll learn how it feels to be welcomed with the CRAFT Approach, which relies upon: 
• Understanding and Kindness: Responding with empathy to the underlying addiction issues. 
• Unconditional Love: Providing consistent support to help your daughter feel loved. 
• Active Involvement: Engaging actively in the recovery process, learning effective communication, motivation, and boundary-setting techniques. 

You MUST keep looking until you find support that gives you hope, optimism, and progress.

Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those we love.  You can do this! 

Sign up for the newsletter today at https://familyaddictioncoach.com/.

Transcript

0:01

Hi, I'm Patrick Doyle, the Family Addiction Coach. In this video, we'll show you two very different ways that staff working in the addiction treatment field may respond when you call for help for your loved one. First, we'll see a counselor using a traditional approach, telling the mom that she cannot help, that she's enabling, she's codependent, and that her daughter needs to hit rock bottom. Then we'll check out a more supportive approach based on C ommunity Reinforcement and F amily Training, also known as CRAFT. In this first session, we're looking at the traditional way of handling addiction treatment, which is very directive. Without knowing anything about her, the counselor tells the mom that she might be doing more harm than good. He uses terms like tough love, enabling, codependent, and hitting rock bottom. As you observe, picture yourself as that mom and imagine what she might feel like. Let's take a look. Hello, this is Patrick Doyle. I'm a counselor here. How can I help you today?Oh God, where to begin? I'm so scared. You know, I I think I'm losing my mind. My daughter has struggled now for about 7 years. She's an addict and she uses mostly. I can't even say it, but heroin. But she'll also drink and use pot and use anything else she can get her hands on. She's just so manipulative and she lies. You have no idea. My God, can she lie?She needs to go to treatment, but she's in denial. Yeah, it's it's a mess. And I've tried everything to make her see that she needs to go. She blames me and her father for everything. You know, we're the bad guys. Yeah. We've tried about absolutely everything and we have no idea what to do next. You know, everyone keeps telling us to kick her out, but I'm not sure about that. I do not see how that will help. We've tried everything. Well, I hear you and that does sound like a lot. It sounds like a very difficult situation. You should really think about going to an Al-Anon meeting. It's the best support available to you right now. You really need to listen to what people are saying in those meetings. Well, I have been going to Al-Anon now for years, and I can tell you it's not helping with much. Sometimes I go to meetings and I feel, you know, I come out feeling worse than when I first went in. It's crucial that you keep going and learn to focus on yourself and not your addicted daughter. You have to stop enabling your daughter. This means setting firm boundaries and not letting her get away with anything. You need to consider kicking her out of your house. You need to stop enabling her. You should consider sectioning her. You have to use tough love. You have to stop giving her money, stop providing her a place to live, and stop bailing her out. She has to hit rock bottom well. We've sectioned her about three times and it does nothing. She just gets angry. She cuts us out. Kicking her out sounds harsh. And you know what?To be honest with you, I don't know if I can do that. Yeah, it might sound harsh, but it's necessary. Your daughter is an addict and needs to face the full consequences of her actions. Right now, your enabling is allowing her to continue her addiction. You need to stop being codependent and you need to set firm boundaries. So So what do I do to get her into treatment? Well, the only way we could help you get your daughter into treatment is if she was to call us herself. There's nothing you can do to stop her from using. The only thing you can do is to be strong and to stop doing things for her. Keep going to Al Anon. Lean on your supports and consider seeing a counselor so they can help you stop enabling and being codependent. Could I set you up with one of our counselors? I'll have to think about it. I'll, I'll call you back and and let you know. OK. And Now let's switch gears and see a different approach. This one is all about empathy and support, following CRAFT, and the Invitation To Change methods. Let's watch how thisgoes. We have tried absolutely everything and we have no idea what to do next. Everyone keeps telling us to kick her out. But oh God, I'm. I'm not so sure about that. I don't see how that'll help. We've tried everything. Yeah, I can hear how much pain and frustration you're experiencing right now. It's incredibly difficult to watch a loved one struggle with addiction. Especially when they are resisting help. You're not alone in this, and it's important to remember that there is support available to you. You've said you've tried everything. Tell me what you have tried. Well, let's see. Well, Dad and I have been going to Al Anon meetings and we tried telling and reasoning with her, but she's in denial and. We've taken the car away. We've searched a room for drugs and paraphernalia. We've sectioned her in the past and that does nothing. She always ends up taking off and won't talk to us for weeks. And we don't know if she's dead or alive. She's been through inpatient treatment three times that I can count. Yeah. Oh, OK Well, one thing that we've learned is that. Involuntary treatment doesn't work if sometimes it has to has to be done to save a person's life or maybe to protect the community if there's like driving under influence, that kind of thing as a pattern. But involuntary treatment doesn't work. It sounds like you've put a lot of effort to help your daughter. I give you a lot of credit for that. Let me ask, has she ever tried any medications like? Suboxone or methadone?Oh, God, no, noWe've been told that it's just a replacement. You know, one addiction for another. Oh, OK Well, yeah, that's what you'll hear in a lot of places from a lot of people. Actually, these medications are considered the gold standard intreatment for opioid addiction. They cansignificantly improve treatment outcomes and help stabilize your daughter, reducing her cravings and withdrawal symptoms. It's definitely something worth considering. Wow, I first time I'm hearing this and I didn't realize that we've been just so worried about her becoming addicted to another substance. Yeah, you'll hear that misinformation from a lot of places too. And I can understand your concern. These medications are designed to help people manage their addiction illness and lead more stable lives. They're used under medical supervision and can be a crucial part of a comprehensive treatment plan. I also have some other thoughts and ideas I was hoping you might be interested in hearing that you might not be aware or hear of before. Would it be OK if I share with you? Absolutely. I mean, that's why I'm calling. OK, terrific. Have you ever heard of Craft Community Reinforcement and Family Training or an invitation to change?No, no, I have not. OK, well, both of these approaches are a morecompassionate and understanding method for both you and your daughter. It focuses on teaching families effective communication strategies that will help bring down the defenses of your loved one. They can make a significant difference in helping your daughter be more open to your suggestions and ultimately to seeking treatment. Craft also takes your fears, worries, and your own trauma into account. It aims to help you better deal with and cope with the difficulties of setting personal boundaries. It can help you with calming your own system down and being able to bring your best self to situations, helping to make you more effective. Can also bring you a sense of. Wow. Yeah, that does sound like it might. help. And at this point, I'm willing to try anything and I could use help with all of this. There's an added piece I didn't tell you. Um I'm really scared of of her ending up on the streets and the terror that with that is is just so unbearable for me. Well, I can see how that would add to your fears and anxiety. Being willing to try something new is a great stepforward. I I feel like I I might be able to do something more. Yeah, I have no doubt that you will be able to do something more. And just reaching out like you have done today, making this call, we understand how difficult that can be. And it's you can consider it a turning point in your life. It's the start of getting more understanding and experiencing some relief and maybe some hope. Well, thank you. Thank you so much. Yep. Let's get this appointmentscheduled. As you imagined yourself being that mom calling for help, did you notice a different feeling you hadafter this second conversation?Different approaches can change your experience when asking for help. One thing we know for sure is that every family situation is unique. I urge you to find the kind of help that is flexible and that won't giverecommendations before they carefully assess your family's concerns and needs. There's always reason to feel hopeful, and you never have to give up on them. If you don't feel encouraged and hopeful, keep looking until you find the right support for you. Check out my website and sign up for mynewsletter at FamilyAddictionCoach.com. Have a great day!