Dr. Tim Thayne tells his personal story of his career and several of the major changes. He discusses one of his most pivotal career crisis' that lead to him pioneering the aftercare system and starting Homeward bound.
Dr. Tim Thayne tells his personal story of his career and several of the major changes. He discusses one of his most pivotal career crisis' that lead to him pioneering the aftercare system and starting Homeward bound.
[inaudible],
Speaker 2:welcome to not by chance the podcast. This is Tom Lynch. Tim, thanks son and podcast manager.
Speaker 3:Today, dr Tim Fane is actually going to be telling us the story of his career crisis, which ultimately led to him starting Homeward bound. It's a really cool story and I think that you guys will really like this week's episode.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody, today I want to talk about a career crisis. And what's bringing this up is that we just celebrated the 50th year anniversary at Homeward bound. And any time you hit a landmark, like anytime you hit a landmark like that, you look back in time and you think about how did we get here? And that's quite a journey to be honest with you. I, uh, Roxanne was doing a little search on Google and she wanted to find out how many companies, what's the percentage of companies that actually survive 15 years? And it turns out that it's a very low number. She said 13% it feels like it's less than that to me, but not many make it this far. And so what I want to do today is talk to you about the crisis that led to where we're at today. And actually as I look back on my career, there was really one crisis after another crisis after another crisis. So if you are a younger person trying to figure out what it is you're going to do in life, it's okay if you don't know because you'll probably do multiple things and it may take a little while for you to pinpoint exactly what it is you want to do. And that's okay. It's part of the journey. So I'm going to take you all the way back to me. Growing up in a rural town in Northeastern Utah, our little community was an amazing community of really good people who were, were caring neighbors and friends and family, uh, blue collar community and uh, truly a great place to grow up in a great time to grow up there. Uh, but one thing that it didn't have and that was really a vision as far as going to college, you know, getting into education and uh, you know, breaking out of that, that particular culture. And luckily for me, I had an older brother who kind of paved the way. He didn't see himself, uh, working on the farm or in the oil field or in the construction area. And so he found his way to college and, and ended up really paving the way for me to do that later on. So that was piece of the career that I look back on and think what a huge blessing it was for me to have an brother that blazed that trail for me. Um, I went on a church mission for two years and when I got home I wanted to, I wanted to go to BYU for a number of reasons. Uh, there was a job there I wanted to get. There was also, um, as I got into it, I got involved in the ballroom dance team at BYU and you may not know this, but they're really actually world-renowned in the formation ballroom dance, both Latin and modern. And I found myself swept into this, into this, uh, culture and into this, these clubs that where I really got involved and got interested is the first time I had since since high school was to get involved in something that was competitive that I could really dive into and try and develop my skills. And luckily for me, I met some good, uh, good people, some, some, uh, potential dance partners in the future that, that were great, that were better than me, kind of pulled me along and helped me progress really quickly. I tell you all this because I was at BYU, uh, going to school in the field of family life and family science, not really believing honestly that I had what it took to graduate from college. And so I picked something I believed in, which was family. I wanted strengthened family, but I didn't actually see myself graduating from BYU. But this ballroom dance team and the experience I had there really kind of kept me going to school and tell us one point. I realized, gee, maybe I can graduate. And that was really the first time I thought of myself as graduating. Well then the next question is what am I going to do with this degree, right? A family science bachelor's degree. The reality is there's not much you can do with that. It may help you out in your family life and maybe you could be a family life educator or something like that. But it really, there was no career path for me there. And so, um, as I went along, that was really my first career crisis. It was, what am I going to do in life? I don't really know what I want to do. I know some things I'm passionate about, but that was about it. Uh, I was just trying to grow my confidence that I could actually, uh, succeed in academics. Well, I, I fell in love, uh, Roxanne and I met each other and on the ballroom dance team. And, uh, when you marry someone, all of a sudden you do have to start thinking about the future and you go, okay, how am I going to provide for a family? How am I going to make the money that we need to make? And of course that made me question my, my education, uh, the choice of majors and, and the path I was on. Uh, but luckily again for me, I had married someone that, whose father was a PhD in history and was a professor at a university teaching history. So to her it was a normal thing to consider, uh, maybe going to a lot of years of graduate school. And so as we started to talk, we realized that I needed to go on and get a master's degree. And, and so I found myself enrolling in or applying to programs in the field of marriage and family therapy. Uh, it was kinda down my alley again, I believed in families, I wanted to strengthen families. And, and again, fortunately I was able to get into BYU and start my master's program, but then the next crisis comes and that was, do I really see myself being able to provide individual family, you know, couple counseling, hour after hour, day after day. And the answer to me at that time was, I can't see myself being able to do it like that. I think I need to go on and get a PhD and maybe teach at a university. So I got accepted to Virginia tech and the thing about my path and that that I think is, um, maybe fits for some of you out there, if you're looking at careers or maybe it's what you've done in your life already and that was to kind of take a path that's not necessarily very, very well laid out, kind of create your own path. Uh, it's not for everybody. It does require kind of my, my wife talks about me having a stomach of steel because I was kind of innovating all along the way, kind of combining different disciplines to create what I wanted. And at Virginia tech, again, I was fortunate enough to, to be accepted to a program with, uh, a major professor, the chair of my committee and, and my main professor there that sponsored me, who was willing to think out of the box. And I was kind of in between. I really liked human systems. I liked family systems. I like the idea of organizational development. And he encouraged me to go ahead and, and kind of blend the fields of marriage and family therapy and business and leadership and organizational development. And so I started to do the research for that and ultimately create a program that I called solution focused leadership. And it turns out that there is, uh, a lot that you can borrow from the field of marriage and therapy and apply it to business organizations. If you think about it, large organizations are just human dyadic relationships, just like the family, maybe not nearly as permanent and not as deep, but a lot of interesting dynamics that are similar. So that was a kind of a career defining moment for me is combining these fields, creating a product or a, essentially a training product that was a process of helping leaders develop themselves, both in their homes, you know, develop those relationships, focus on them, strengthen them, but also do the same thing in the workplace. And that was like a dream come true for me. It was, it was phenomenal. I fortunately was able to land my very first, uh, contract independent contractor scenario while I was still a PhD student at Virginia tech with a very large healthcare system called Carilion health system. And it was, it was amazing because I felt like I had the ability of, you know, getting to know the very top echelon of, of Carilion health system and all of those managers and those leaders all the way up to the executive vice presidents. And they came through my training. Um, I had no idea what was happening really. Um, I'm going to back up and do this again. A professor that was on my committee told me one day and he was there kind of watching the training that I was doing with these individuals coming from this, uh, healthcare system. He told me, he says, Tim, you have really done something that I've never really seen done before. I've, I'm seeing a large organizations culture actually change as a result of your work with, with all the leaders in it. And he said, I've never seen this happen. Culture change without years and years of about 25% of the company's budget being put towards culture change. And now I'm seeing happen here. And so, uh, I just thought I'd created something great that I could go ahead and do this again with another, another organization. Um, over time. So we're living in Virginia and we're starting to raise a family. We've got our first two children and um, I graduate with my PhD. I finished my dissertation and we had this moment of, of truth like, are we going to stay out here, this place that we're really enjoying, we're meeting some amazing people. We love this job, but we're thousands and thousands of miles away from our families. And I remember really being torn by this because I could see myself climbing that corporate ladder, probably getting going right into Carilion health system and continuing to be in a position of influence inside that large organization. Um, but ultimately we chose to be closer to family. And so we packed up, moved all the way back West here in Utah and I was actually traveling back and forth from Utah to Virginia to continue this training. Um, in the middle of this I realized that this is going to come to an end and I have to create something else. And I had a product that I thought I could sell. So we went out and started to try and promote solution focused leadership to local companies. And I finally drummed up enough to do one training with a number of different organizations, sending one person to it. And that was as far as I could take it. I couldn't get it to go into any other organization. Um, and by the way, I did that for free. It was like begging people to come to the training and I was so discouraged. I just thought I just had this incredible success with Carilion health system and now I can't even fill a workshop. And so the, the writing was on the wall and I could see that I was probably not going to be able to take my first company, which was this consulting training company and make it into something that would, that would, uh, take care of our financial needs. And, and so about that time my dad and, and brother came to me and wanted to start a construction company. Now, one of the parts of the story I didn't tell you was that I, the reason I went to college in the end is I wanted to escape the construction world in the oil field and all of that that I'd grown up in. And it was, you know, working in conditions, you know, all year round in the freezing cold in the winter and, and all of that. That ultimately caused me to say, I really want to do something different. I'm going to go through the pain and suffering of college in order to open up doors that I don't have to do that. And so here I was with a PhD going back to the construction field and we're building a new company, a five point utility development is what we named it. And we were basically putting in underground utilities, everything from fiber optic cable to uh, you know, water lines to irrigation systems in farms and rural areas to electrical. Uh, we worked for power, little, uh, rural power companies, telephone companies, et cetera. This was an incredibly difficult time, career crisis for me because after all of that work, moving back East, getting the PhD, going through all the pain and suffering of getting a PhD, I find myself literally in the bottom of a trench with my dad digging the trench and me, you know, taking, getting the rocks out of the bottom of the trench or standing in mud up to my knees, you know, putting in water lines. And I thought, why did I do what I did? Why, why did I go through all of that only to be back here in this situation now part of it was I really wanted to work with my family. I wanted to be, I wanted to help them and I wanted to be a part of what was happening. Uh, but the other big part of me was, what am I thinking? You know, why am I back here? I, I've joked about it feeling like my big fat Greek wedding and if you've seen that video before that movie, but the daughter was the one working in the family business and I found myself relating to her. She couldn't find a way to get out. Um, and so that's what was happening at the time when a friend of mine came to me and, uh, we'd gone to BYU together and he'd been a wilderness therapist in a, in a program working with adolescents. And he came to me and said that he was wanting to start a wilderness treatment program. That sounded amazing to me. And so I ultimately, lots of other stories I could tell you, but I ultimately decided to, to help, uh, start this wilderness treatment program. I should go back a little bit though because, um, there was some divine intervention in some of this, you know, of course the whole time when you're going through a crisis year, you know, if you're, if you're someone with faith you're tend to, you know, pray, hit your knees and, and seek help and guidance. And that's what happened to me and I actually had a miraculous experience, uh, that, that I'll share with you briefly. Um, so in the middle of this flying back East, trying to keep a little bit of consulting work going with curling health system, starting five point this construction company, I took on a couple little jobs of doing some training for some different organizations and one of those was for uh, for the uh, Alpine school district here in Utah. I was going to train some of their teachers, some of their administrators. And uh, morning I got up really early. I went to the, the print store and needed to print off a bunch of things for the binders that I'd be giving to all the participants in the workshop. And I get there, it was like five 30 in the morning and maybe six o'clock. I get there, I put in my, my credit card to start the copy job that I was doing and a piece of paper came out of the machine. I had not, uh, actually started my print job. And so this was a paper from somebody else's print job. Well, I took it, I set it aside and I finished my job, packed up all my stuff and I went onto this training while I was in this training. I'm facilitating communication and helping them, you know, think about teamwork and, and I was kind of back in the zone of what I was feeling passionate about and I'm just thinking, I wish I could spend more time doing this. And some of the participants asked me what I did with most of my time and I said, I'm actually, you know, helping with the construction company that my dad and brother have started. And they, they kind of scratched their head and they said, well, I don't get it. Why aren't you doing something like this? Because this is where your talents are. And I just sort of acknowledged that I felt like they were right. And I said, yeah, that's, that's true. And I went home. Well as I was unpacking the box with all the balls and the ropes and the training stuff I had and the binders I get to the bottom of it. And there's this piece of paper that I had picked up from, from the print shop and it was that paper that popped out and I started to read it. And by the way, I found it the other day as I was digging through, throwing away a bunch of stuff. I wondered where it was and I found this paper, it's very important to me. And of course all this time I'm seeking help and guidance because I can't get myself out of the family business because I'm just maybe maybe too afraid to, to make that leap. And I had started the wilderness program with my friend, but I wasn't working in it at the time. And this paper is, is in type set that looked like some old typewriter had written it. It was not kind of modern font or anything like that and I got to reading it and it started talking about that there is a divine plan and that you have been sent here to the earth with talents and abilities and it was really your job, my job, I'm reading it now to identify those talents and use those to bless other people's lives. There was a little love note from heavenly father from God and I knew it was for me. I knew there was no doubt in my mind that that was left there so that I would have to pick up a piece of paper with communication, you know, direct from heaven saying you need to follow your gifts. You need to do what you were sent here to do. And that really helped comfort me. Over time I was able to step out of the construction world and back and full time into the wilderness treatment program and that was a joyous experience. Being able to work with kids in that setting where you're able to do therapy, but you got mother nature, you know, as your co therapist 24, seven. I went from doing a little side, uh, outpatient therapy to working as a wilderness therapist and honestly felt like I was cheating because I was getting all the accolades and the praise from the parents and referral sources for all the good stuff happening out there. And I knew that I was just one little part of the hole that was creating this. But it was an amazing experience. I loved it. I still picture, uh, some of the kids that I worked with and some of the parents I worked with, and this has been many, many years ago. I found that I was back where I needed to be. And so I'm, I'm going along as a wilderness therapist feeling good about things. And you know, I think life is such that we can't stay complacent or we can't always feel like we're secure. I think there's something about life that is built into it, that we are here to struggle. We're not here to take it easy. And I think that's the way we learn and grow. And so I'd gotten to this point where, um, I started to really look at the continuum of care. I'd seen enough of the relapsing that would happen after wilderness and it made me worry to recommend a kid would go home after our wilderness program because I was afraid that it all come and done. And, and parents had, you know, spent a lot of money. They had the, developed a lot of hope in the future. And to only have that crash down shortly after they got home on two off too many occasions really made me question what was going on and, and what the continuum of care needed to be. I then ended up having a true career crisis. Another one, and I haven't counted how many I've said, but I've had multiple career crisis. This was the next one. And it was, it was, uh, around this whole idea of longterm outcomes and what does it take to actually get that to happen? We were doing our best in the wilderness and then kids would go on from our program into a residential treatment centers or therapeutic boarding schools around the country and they were doing great work as well. But then I started to see that all too often after all of this work, all of this sacrifice, all of the hope that had been built up after all of that, too often these kids would, would fall back into old habits, old patterns, old, old ways of thinking, all the old anxieties coming back. And it really hit me finally in a, in a way that caused me to change my career when I had a young man come out to our wilderness program. I talk about this in my book. I don't know if, uh, if those listening have read my book, it's called not by chance how parents boost their teen success in and after treatment. But I document this, this particular career crisis because it led to Homeward bound. Um, I, uh, had this kid come out into, in the wilderness program in the middle of the winter in Utah, and we had a lot of snow on the ground that year. And I remember, uh, when he came, this is a kid you don't ever forget because he had green hair. He had dyed his hair bright green and that stands out. Uh, not only that, he stood out in a lot of other ways too. The first week he refused to do therapy that week. He would not see me. He had been escorted there against as well. Uh, but I knew that if we kept him safe, that it most likely would go well and that he'd make progress. Sure enough, the next week I get out there and, and the staff's around the campfire, there's, there's this calm, happy, peaceful feeling in the, in the camp. And so I knew everything was fine. And, uh, they, they said, Hey, this young man, this new young man that had just been there a week or so, wanted to go first this, this week. And so I made my way to a solo campsite and to my surprise when I get there, he's taken the snow in the area and he's made it into full size living room furniture. He had four or five pieces of furniture, full sized couch, a love seat, a coffee table, another chair. And he had actually gone through the trouble of weaving a Willow mat for me to sit on so that I didn't get wet doing therapy. And so we began our relationship and he was one of these kids that just took to the wilderness. He became a leader in our program, was a prolific maker of of things. Everything from musical instruments to a deluxe backpack out of Lee leathern willows to of course these snow couches. And um, I watched him progress at the end of our treatment program. He went on to another year of treatment. He went into a therapeutic boarding school here in Utah. And because we were quite close to where this program was, when the parents would come out to seam, occasionally they'd text me and see if I could come out and, and go to lunch with them. They believe that I was maybe that person in this boy's life that would make all the difference. Now remember, I was the wilderness therapist and I don't want to throw any wilderness therapists under the bus, but I think we all would have to admit that we get far too much credit for the good that happens out there. I've, I've seen, uh, residential treatment therapist sort of roll their eyes when parents talk about the amazing wilderness therapist they have. They know that we were sort of cheating in a sense. Uh, but this family thought that of me and so they kept me in the loop with what was going on. And it was a, again, same kind of story. He was doing phenomenally well in his next program. And, and, uh, all signs were that he was going to do great when he got home that spring when he came home, I remember getting a phone call from his mother and when I saw the caller ID, I was sure I was going to hear some great news. I knew he had been home for a little while, but instead of good news, what I heard was, uh, the most disappointing moment of my career in that, uh, the story that she started to share was that he was back with really troubled friends. He had stopped going to his group therapy. There is a lot of conflict in the home. Again, a lot of the same things that they had spent all their savings on to get him help for and help him overcome. We're back again. And so it was incredibly disappointing and a crisis for me because I'd gotten close to this family enough that that shared. I'm going to start that over. This was a career crisis for me because for me, why do we do this work? Only to have it go away. And especially that I had this front row seat to this unfolding of this boy's treatment. And then now hearing that it was all coming undone, it was, it was just too much. And the reality was the family had followed just about every suggestion or recommendation that all the professionals around them and given them, and here they were. So I felt like, you know, I am to blame at some, at some level. So I felt responsible for what was not working. And I know that, you know, logically it wasn't my fault. I had given good recommendations. I had, you know, done, done great work along with a lot of other people. But this felt a little more personal. So I hopped on a plane and I flew out to their home. This ended up being the first time I stepped inside a client's home when I get there, expecting to be able to have this heart to heart with this young man, I was disappointed to hear that he'd gone his bedroom, he'd locked his door and he refused to see me or talk to me. That was sobering. And it was eyeopening. It helped me realize just a little bit what it might feel like to be a parent who had a given everything they had to help their son, but then ultimately had no influence in how it was coming. I had no influence in how it was unfolding from there. So that was the impetus. And, and you know, we happen to be right now in the middle of a worldwide crisis or pandemic and, um, there's something about crises in our lives that actually opens doors and changes our paradigm enough that we can see things in a different way and we can do new things out of that crisis that we would have never chosen to do had we not gone through it. And so while, you know, having this young man not do well was really troubling. It was kind of the last straw for me, but it was enough of a crisis to make me look around and decide to do something different. And that's when I thought about somebody needs to step into this, this gap here that exists to, to create a model to create a process that would enable the transfer of momentum, knowledge, relationships, you know, skills, all of that help transfer that into the real world where it's complicated, where it's much more challenging cause that's really where it matters. Right. And I, when I look back on my career, I, I think about my very first project that was so unique, taking marriage and family therapy, applying it to business organizations and leadership development. When I look back on my career, I, I go all the way back to the solution focus leadership stuff that I did and see a connection to this ability to make a jump now from wilderness to trying to plug a hole or you know, complete the continuum of care. That where there seemed to be a gap and the S the success I had at Corrillion made me believe that I could innovate, that I could do something really radically different. It didn't have to be the status quo. I could do something different and could be successful at it. Could help people actually make real change. And of course, you know, any PhD student out there that's creating a, a program and then wanting to measure whether or not it actually had a longterm impact on the participants, you're geared for wanting there to be real change happen. So I look back on that and say what a, what a blessing it was that I had that experience, but it gave me, it gave me the courage to jump out there and say, I'm going to go ahead and do what I can to, to help these outcomes happen for kids and their families after treatment. So that was 15 years ago on April 20th, uh, we just celebrated our 15th anniversary. And I look at that and say, wow, what, what a wild and fulfilling meaningful experience and ride we've had for those 15 years. But it was, it was hugely scary to be honest with you. Nothing like this existed at the time where we were going to help these teams transition no matter where they lived around the country and even the world that we would step in with our processes, with our coaches and help those treatment gains. Last, uh, I was talking to a dad the other day and this is just few weeks ago, and he, um, I wanted to know what he knew about Homeward bound. He was calling to inquire about our services and, and what we do to help families around this transition. So I started out with I, you know, I said, so what do you know about Homeward bound? And he said, something that I look back on is, you know, it was really unique. I never had anybody answer the question. And the way he did, the way he answered is he said, well, Tim, I know that you created something that didn't exist before you came along with Homeward bound. It did not exist. He said, and I know that it took a lot of guts. He said, that's what I know about Homeward bound. And I stopped and I said, nobody understands me. Maybe quite like you do in that simple statement you've said more than than most people could. In a couple minutes describing Homeward bound. He summed it up and it took a ton of courage to jump out there and I couldn't have done it without my wife. She's been by my side the whole time. She started with me at the very beginning when I said, we need to do something about this gap that exists. We took a little trip to Sedona, Arizona so we could get away a little retreat and she has been with me ever since and has been the biggest cheerleader and proponent of Homeward bound. So again, I think the lesson that I want to share is that the people that you come in contact with, they are the difference makers. They're the ones that help. They can join you in your passion, in your mission. If you can share that, that passion, and they've got the same drive to as you do, they're going to help you accomplish innovative things, better things than what was happening before. So all along the way, I think that's one of the principles I want to point out. These are the lessons learned from multiple crises over time in my career journey that I want to share with you. First of all, go with your gifts and talents. Think about the copy that came out of the machine in black and white print telling me, you know, use your gifts to accomplish the mission that you're here on this earth to accomplish. That's what I'd say. Number one, follow that and that will, that will help you find the right career path. The next thing I want to say is bring others with you who have a lot of talent and who share your passion, who want to accomplish something great. It's the people that make the difference. You know, the others around you. You know, I think about the incredible coaches we've had here at Homeward bound over 15 years. It's their work, right? It's their collaboration with, uh, as a team, as we built the model. It's the dedicated administrative staff we've had. It's the parents who believed in us. It's the referral sources who believed in us that I, I look at and say how grateful I am that we had such amazing people to work with, to work for, to support. Another thing I'd say is don't be afraid to blaze a new trail. Now, you know what they say about trailblazers or pioneers? Those are the guys with arrows in their back. That's kind of the, the old metaphor. Uh, if your first one in, you might, you might take some shots and there may be some pain associated with that. But in my experience, there's incredible fulfillment in that process as well. If you can hang in there, you know, there's that, that saying that which does not kill you will make you stronger. I think. I believe that as long as we're sort of taking care of ourself, our mental health along the way and not taking it too seriously, you know, it's a mission, passion. It's an important thing, our careers. But if something fails, if we have to make a pivot and do something different, it's not the end of the world. And we need to remember that it's not life or death. It's really truly choices we make that we're going to learn either way and we're going to have opportunities to learn and grow as a result of that in a way, you know, along with that, I think of my grandpa's statement when I'd fall down sometimes or hurt myself or cut a finger or something like that, he'd say, Tim, that's a long way from your heart is basically saying, don't worry too much about that. It might hurt, but it's not going to kill you. So I feel the same way about trying to blaze a new trail, doing something new and different. You might fail, but it's not going to kill you. It's a long way from your heart and the reality is you are going to be strengthened and grow from it. So I hope these ideas about the story about the multiple career crises I've had and what led to Homeward bound and, and uh, what has made us successful over these 15 years and the gratitude I feel for the people that have helped that happen. I hope some of that has, has been helpful to you as you're on your own journey and, uh, I wish you well in all of that. If there's anything you want to share about a career crisis
Speaker 3:you have had, I hope that you'll post those in the comments if you see this on social media, and tell me about what lessons you've learned from the career crises that you've gone through. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 4:Hey guys. Thanks for listening to that episode. It was really fun to put together because a lot of those stories I hadn't heard before and so it was a little bit of family history for us and a lot of really good tips for anybody that's searching for a career or just wanting to take some kind of jump in their life. As always, please go on social media comment, what you like, comment what you want to implement into your own life. Also, if you can leave a review. We're trying to get this podcast out to as many families as we can. Leave a review so that way more people can find it.