Not By Chance Podcast

Sonya Rodriguez: on Minimalism

November 09, 2020 Dr. Tim Thayne Season 2 Episode 2
Not By Chance Podcast
Sonya Rodriguez: on Minimalism
Show Notes Transcript

Dr. Tim Thayne interviews Sonya Rodriguez on minimalism. Sonya has adopted a lifestyle of minimalism that helps her prioritize her life and put the most important things first. 

Talmage Thayne:

Welcome to the not by chance Podcast. I'm Talmage, Dr. Thayne son and podcast manager. Today, Dr. Thayne has interviewed Sonya Rodriguez on minimalism. Sonia has lived all over the place and as a mother, as well, as a clinician, she has experience in residential as well as wilderness programs, and is currently a coach at homeward bound.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

Sonya, thanks for joining me today on this podcast. And maybe we could start out with the basic, you know, what is minimalism? You know, it's, it's probably a lot of things to different people. But if you had to define it, maybe for our audience today, how would you define minimalism? Well, first of all, thank you for having me. You bet.

Sonya Rodriguez:

So I'm going to loosely define minimalism, the way that Joshua fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus, define it. And that is that it is a lifestyle that helps us question what adds value to our life. And then through that, the questioning that gives us the opportunity to clear out clutter, in whatever area it is that we're talking about. For some people, that might be their phone, it might be their email box, it might be somebody else's closet, it might be somebody else's kitchen cabinet. And it could, you know, so it means a lot of things to learn from people. But it's, it's taking a look at thinking about what our values are meeting our meeting, matching our values up to what's to what occupies our time, and things occupy your time, and they get in the way of doing some of the things we enjoy doing, or they can get in the way of relationship.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

So is this a pretty new trend? Or is this been going on for a while? What what do you think, precipitated this move towards minimalism?

Sonya Rodriguez:

It's a great question. Um, I don't really know the answer that other than I think it possibly has been going on for a while, I know, it's something that's been important to me for quite a while. And I think that it's become much more popular with social media, but also with the younger generation, in the middle enables, they tend to want to live life a different way than they feel that generations before them have lived their life. You know, we come from every generation, we have built wealth, or up until this one, right built wealth, and our homes have gotten bigger, and then we buy things to fit in the crevices of our homes. And so they're like, taking a pause. And same way, we might want something a little different.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

You know, I did give us a little bit of thought, you know, as I've thought about this topic it up, I asked the question, you know, and started thinking about that a little bit. And I do think it might be a reaction to the excess, you know, like you say, this build up of materialism and acquiring more and more and more, that at some point in our lives are kind of out of control, we're not really intentionally guiding at the direction we want to because of, in order to acquire all of that, it's not just that it clutters our, our physical environment, but it's also it takes our calendar, right? To be able to acquire all that. So we might have a second job, or we might be trying to get to that next level, or whatever it is, in order to acquire the things and the lifestyle that we're looking for. And it might be a reaction to this, you know, excess over time. And and here we we go. And I think another thing that, that I think it could be related to of course, is I think about the environmental movement, you know, the the looking at the world, the and the the resources of the world and how we're using those up and so I think there's definitely for the younger generation, probably looking at that saying, Gee, I don't really like the trend there. There's a point there's a breaking point I'm seeing it in my own life, there's a certain point in time where certain place where you get to that, that more is not better. Yes, you kind of realize that. So whatever the reasons for this, I actually think it is good for family life, to to trend towards less. And and I think we're gonna get to that in our conversation today. So, as you were looking at this topic, you've been trying to do this yourself for a while, can you talk to us a little bit about what led you to start to think more simply and, and put your life on a different track?

Sonya Rodriguez:

Sure, sure. So, we, I had four, I have work, I have four kids. And we had a lot of toys. And because we were a bigger family, bigger house, more cars, you know, we just occupied more space. And I, what I noticed is what is that the things brought pleasure, but they also brought management, right. And so you spend a lot of time managing those things, as opposed to just being able to enjoy them with others. And I wrote about a decade ago, I saw this beautiful photo book. And I wanted, I wanted to give Peter Menzo as the purpose the person who was this photographer and books called material world, a global family portrait. And he went around the world. And he took pictures of, he asked families to take all their possessions and put them out on the yard on the lawn. And he took pictures, and I was just blown away by the simplicity of some cultures. And actually little, I desired that, like the poles that they cooked with the same goals that they put their possessions in, it was just very simple. And then I looked at the American home, and all the things out on the lawn. And, and I've studied the picture, and I thought, well, where, where's all the stuff from the junk drawers? Where are the receipts? Where are the pens, you know, where are because a lot of our space gets batteries, where, you know, we just toss into drawers and, and so I you know, it's not just the bigger material things, but it's also the smaller kind of clutter things as well. So that really made an impact on me. You know, I, I researched him actually, I'm hoping he did more, I think he's gone on to the digital age. So, but it's a beautiful book. And so I you know, over the years just tried to I call it will just I declutter a couple times a year and just try to, you know, when I bring things in, get rid of other things. Right. And that reminds me of I think one of one of the most important lessons I learned from my kids going to boarding school is one of the headmaster's that my my first son chance his Headmaster said to us, okay, guys, parents, when you bring your kid something, take something away, because their space is so small, and I thought that was really smart. And so that's something that we incorporated in all my kids educational careers, it's something that I I try to ascribe to in my own life here. And my kids do as well. Just keeping it simple, as simple as possible. And and that's very relevant. And that's why I wanted to be careful with the description of minimalism too, because we don't want it to become our religion. Right? And we want to have grace with ourselves. Because, you know, one of the ladies that a lady wrote a program and her name, it's called pray three, three, and her name. I want to make sure I get this right. Well, maybe I'll come back to her name for the carver. Recruitment recruitment project. And so this with this, she says, Okay, so for three months, were 33 items, or you have 33 items. And these items include jewelry. They include shoes, they include your shoes, when I said shoes, they include your accessories, but they don't include your your wedding rings, and your undergarments and then your your workout attire. Well, the good news for us is most of us were workout type of tire many days of the week, right with this our new house, our new way of doing business. And I was really intrigued with that. And so my husband and I decided to take a travel for three months this summer. And and so we packed up our house and put it in storage because we were transitioning, and I needed to think about the st two three project and how I would be able to live through a couple you know, a few different environment, different climates, being in the mountains, summer moving into fall being on the flatlands and And so fortunately, it was easier for me to stay within the 33 items because I didn't have to count my my pajamas and my workout clothes. And it's awesome. It was free. And so one of the things she talks about the reason I wanted to mention her was she said don't be so rigid with yourself and I say Be kind to yourself. What somebody's program looks like is different than another person's. And as long as we're on our journey to simplify then then that can be applauded. Just making progress since Yes,

Dr. Tim Thayne:

that's neat to hear about your personal journey and, and where it started, sometimes we need some kind of ignition to get us on a new track. And that book it sounds like was that for you? And, and, you know, a picture's worth 1000 words, right? Seeing those pictures of the material possessions out on the lawn, you know, let's let's talk a little bit about some of the statistics that you shared with us that are advance about the American family culture just to drive home maybe this picture in their minds of the listeners of, of where we have gone, you know, where we're at as an American family. Let's, let's go back to that a little bit just to drive home. This this visual of of, and probably individually, we can look at this, but what are the stats out there that would tell us we've become a country of excess?

Sonya Rodriguez:

Consumerism? Yeah, consumers, the size of our home, in average American home has tripled in the last 50 years. And yet, with this tripling one out of every 10 Americans has a storage unit outside of their home. And, and so to put that in perspective, there's more storage space. Well, first of all, it's a booming industry, it's it's the largest booming, it's the largest booming industry in the commercial real estate storage. And there's enough, there's more storage spaces than there are Starbucks. And if you think about how many startups there are, that's a lot, there's enough storage space out there that every American man, woman child couldn't stay could stand inside of the storage units. And there's enough space for all of us. And so and then another statistic around this is one out of four Americans, you know, families that have a two car garage, one out of four, can't even park their car, or cars in it, because it's so cool, because our garage becomes kind of that place for those storage in case. And so we definitely have a consumption issue. And we also just have an issue of holding on to things for just in case. You know, if you think about maybe what might be in your garage might not be something you use every day, but just in case I need it one day.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

Right? And how do you get over that? I mean, that's, that's a little different than just materialism, right? Where I've just got to have more, it's more of almost a scarcity or possibly thinking, what if this happened, or that happened? I might need that someday. What? How do you overcome? That's a little bit different than just wanting more.

Sonya Rodriguez:

The two guys I mentioned earlier, the minimalist, they say they have a 2020 rule. And their 2020 rule is they can either spend $20 on it up to $20 or go 20 miles for like when they're traveling around. Oh, and so that works for them. For me, I don't because I've been scaling down, scaling down scaling down, I don't always have the things that I can I have some things that I gave away, which brings me much joy to give things away, especially when I'm giving them to people that I love, right. But I think about who I wish I had, oh, we wish I had that back. Because if you know in the moment, that would be great. I wish I could give you an example of it felt that feeling in the last week. Yet, I don't wish that more than having less clutter in my house or having less clutter in my cabinets being able to find what I need. And as I say when it comes to when it comes to the point where I might need something that I don't have, there's a possibility, I might have to rebuy it which things. However, again, if I gave it to somebody I love or an organization I care about a lot that helps with that sting.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

That's great. You know, I remember you said something else too. And you're probably going to get to this but you mentioned when we were at our advanced that, that you start to if I get the word right here or the way you put it, that it's almost like you can share those things with other people. Or it's if someone else has it, you don't have to have it. Right. Am I right? I mean, how did you put that?

Sonya Rodriguez:

Yeah, it well, the shared economy that we have now really allows us so I'd say use other people's things that three points for me. One use other people's things. We've permission to clutter clutters the mind. And then three gift experiences versus possessions as people love time together and building memories. And let's go

Dr. Tim Thayne:

through those. Let's go through those in more detail.

Sonya Rodriguez:

So in share in the shared economy Like the summer, how we were able to do what we did, the way we did it, we rented other people's houses, we rented other people's cars, we rented other people's boats, and I rented another person's RV. And the thing is, I was considering an RV. And so after reading Derby, I decided I will, I can just enjoy somebody else's RV and then give it back to him when I'm done. And it's Win win, it's win win for these people, because they get to generate income on their home. And it's win win for me because I get to use it and then walk away, and I don't have to worry about it any longer. And then the other Win Win to that is a lot of times, they have some of the things you need, like the coffeemaker or you know, just some some items that you wouldn't have camping, and you wouldn't have me even in a hotel. You know, plates and medical kits and things like that. So use other people's things.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

Yes. You know, another thought I had with that Sonya, this goes along with our our concept that homeward bound that we talk a lot about, which is the home team. You know, you think about that concept, which is basically we're going to create community, we're going to a lot of times, it's in the service of mentoring our young people and helping them you know, navigate their life with with other people being a part of their life. But the same concept applies here, you know, you, if we if we start to talk to our neighbors, if we borrow from each other, if we share within our close proximity of people, we have to kind of build your relationships to do that. You don't go ask for sugar unless there's sort of a mutual give and take that happens. And I think that's another level that we're talking about here. That's not just a, you know, a mobile app that lets us borrow or use someone else's stuff. But it's actually go across the street, to the neighbor, and, and get to know each other well enough that that we are sharing, we're part of a community, hey, I've got a tiller, why would you buy a pillar if the neighbors got one and use it once a year, maybe twice a year. And so the opportunity there is to actually deepen our relationships as we you know, and this kind of happened to us, we had a new neighbor move into our next door to us last summer, and just this past summer. And, you know, it started out really, really well it was in the middle of COVID. And, you know, nobody was really mingling with each other, much of that was happening. But they they came in during that time. And it just so happens that that the the woman she, she was really outgoing and, and willing to ask for things that she standard, she stood in need of she needed a couple of things and, and that just made us warm, it warmed it up immediately because we got to know her. And and then we started asking her for things. And, and now we've got it's almost like the fence between us kind of went away. They were building something out back. So I helped them on that they came over and helped me with what I was building. We borrowed tools back and forth. And I kind of know some of the things they have now and they know some of the things that I have. So there's definitely a sharing going on right here. Next door. And I love it and taking that concept a little further.

Sonya Rodriguez:

And if you think about it, that isn't a new concept. That's something we got away from Yes. As we became more independent in our lifestyle, so it's nice to consider getting back to that.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

Yeah. So what was the second thing?

Sonya Rodriguez:

Second thing is clutter clutters and that goes back to like, my house is never the cleanest when I have a paper due I just finished a really big research project and, and things were speaking span, right? You hear that? For me? And for the work I do to have a non cluttered environment and that means a lot of different things to different people. You no one expert thinks that's a pure white room, no art, very little furniture, but an uncluttered environment where you're not distracted where you can focus where you can have a bigger picture of what what it is that you're taking a look at. And so and then, also for simplicity Like, I know when one expert talks about if you have to move something in order to get to something else, you have too much. But just that bit, that time that it took to move it to get to the other thing that takes time. And so by having less clutter, then not only does it help, you know, create that Canvas for creativity, but it also gives you more time to be able to do the things that you want to do more of and to be able to spend time with people that you care about.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

You know another word that that comes to my mind when you talk about clutter clutters I think about encumber now it's a it's an interesting word. Because if you've, you know, kind of visualize someone that's encumbered by things or stress or whatever it is, their burden, they're weighed down, they're unable to move very well. And I think this this concept of minimalism, is really the process of becoming unencumbered so that you're freed up to be able to put your your efforts your your time into the things that you value the most. So it's kind of aligning the long term values and vision of your life and your family in a way that that enables you to put first things first and so you're unencumbered to do that, that's what's kind of hit me as I've thought about this topic and since your your presentation to our team earlier is that I have become somewhat encumbered both in terms of material possessions also, you know, kind of on a on a treadmill of what my time how my time is used, and not having as much freedom as I would like, because of that. So I love your second point that does is it clutters and encumbers our life. And then your third point, what was that again?

Sonya Rodriguez:

Well, just to go back to that real quick, it, it's intentional, you know, this is about intention, and taking that pause, you know, and thinking, do I need this or, you know, what, you know, what is important to me, and, and sometimes we just go so fast, we don't, but to allow ourselves to do that, you know, to be intentional with that, as well as in the other, you know, intentional work and continue with our family, just to be intentional. So the third point is one of my favorites. And I think it ties in really well with the work we do with families, it's to get experiences instead of possessions. And you know, the holiday season is coming up. And most everybody who start frenzies by purchase the perfect thing for this person and, and really like for me, my love language is quality time. So for me, I love experiences. And and so instead of buying the perfume or those or at best bedding, or the toy, to, to take them out to a tee in the Arboretum or to take them to paintball or to go on a hike around the lake, it doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive, I think I like to do is I go to Groupon in the area, even when I go visit family, sometimes I go to Groupon to see, because they give me great ideas, there's all kinds of adventure things that are gone off. So it's a good price. And so, again, you don't have to spend a lot of money on it, just to do something different, you know, ceramics or painting or, or some other some other ideas. I a scenic flight, you know, however you want to go with that, you know, they're the limitations are what you put on it. And that could be I know, some people suggested like a backrub or, you know, those coupon books, I'm not sure people really redeem those. But just and I think I think what's important is that when we give to people quality, experience based experiences, is that something they love to do, or something they would be interested in other ways what we would be interested in, they could and so what happens is we get to spend quality time with them. We get to build memories, right? We nurture the relationship. And that's a fair that's the, in my opinion, the most important principle that we taught her that we stand on with Homeward Bound, right, something's not working. nurture the relationship, right? Yes. Yes. So it's it just really goes hand in hand with the work that we get to do with families.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

Oh, that's so great. That's so great and so timely right now like you said is we're getting close to the holidays and it is kind of a merchandising season. Instead flip that around and make it a connecting time of the season by putting the thought into what kind of experiences would would create connection bonding, what would they love, and, and why think about that, as you're talking? I thought, What do I remember about the gifts that I've been given up throughout my life, and I can't really hardly attach a memory of actually creating a better relationship because I was given something, a gift, physical gift. But But experiences, the lots of those thoughts come to mind, you know, we're where someone was thoughtful enough to gift me an experience with them. So how true that is that connects so well with our principles that homeward bound. And I think this this whole topic, I hope to someday report to you, Sonya that you were the reason I did X, Y, and Z. And it had a profound effect on the things that matter the most, and, and it's by putting the things that matter less in the background, you know, whether that means decluttering, that means, you know, really putting less value on on material, possessions and those kinds of things. And so I really think that this could be the starting point for something that my wife would like me to do more.

Sonya Rodriguez:

Feel free to report that back to me, I'd love to hear it.

Dr. Tim Thayne:

I remember asking, Okay, I will do that. And I remember asking you, you know how your husband was handling this because I was I was thinking about myself thinking, Gee, I'm not ready for that. But look how far I've come and then maybe a month and a half since we met. So that's, that's really kind of cool. So I want to thank you for this. And I'll be watching it as you continue down your journey of putting the most important things first, and, and decluttering your life and I think that I'm gonna draw some inspiration from that. That's awesome. Thanks for your time today, Sonya and I appreciate all that you're doing for Homeward Bound and also those families you've worked with and the teaching you're giving us today.

Sonya Rodriguez:

Thank you very much for the opportunity.