The Mind School
Welcome to The Mind School. The classroom for your mind and soul; where we design our life from the inside out. Here, you will find a human first approach to life, business and relationships to create freedom, growth and constant evolution through mindset, emotional intelligence, leadership and connection to Self. I'm your host Breanna May - Educator, CEO, Mindset and business mentor and my mission is to teach the things we never taught at school so that no dream is left on the pillow and no purpose left unfulfilled. Here you can expect a lot of laughs and thought provoking conversations as we squeeze every drop of juice from this beautiful, precious, crazy thing called life.
The Mind School
3 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Stuck
You’re not actually stuck, you’re just avoiding the next step. And let’s be real, taking action feels uncomfortable. But here’s the thing: discomfort is where growth happens. In this episode, I’m breaking down why we fall into the “I’m stuck” trap, how to stop waiting for a rescue, and what it really takes to create your dream life.
Plus, doors are officially open for Level Up Your Life! If you're ready to reprogram your subconscious and start moving toward your goals, now’s the time to join.
Inside this episode:
💡 Why your “stuck” mindset is keeping you in a loop
💡 How to stop waiting for external validation and take control
💡 Why any action is better than no action
💡 How to reprogram your subconscious mind
🔗 Join Level Up Your Life NOW www.breannamay.com/LUL
As always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx
All right, before we get into this episode, I need to just ask, have you been feeling stuck, uninspired, unmotivated or kind of a bit meh about life? Are you sabotaging yourself, overthinking or staying in your own way? Consider this your sign now is the time to change all of that, because the doors to level up your life are officially open, and this is your chance to join the hundreds of women who have completely shifted their mindset, unlocked their potential and created a life that actually excites them. This cohort is going to be next level, and I want you in it. Hit the link in the show notes, and let's do it now. Enjoy this episode. Hello konnichiwa. Welcome back to another episode of the mind school podcast. I am coming to you from Hakuba. I think that's how you say it. I may have just butchered that Hakuba in Japan, and I am on day three of snowboarding and taking a slow day. All the boys have gone out onto the slopes, and me and one of my besties are just back in the house doing some work, catching up with some clients, and honestly, recovering like I have bones and muscles that are sore in places that I didn't even know exist, and I feel like I've done 5000 push ups, which I honestly probably have, because stacking it at least 50 times a day and just pushing up off powdery snow has been such a Workout. So I am sore and struggling, but so happy. And you know what side tangent? I fucking love the feeling of doing something that felt hard, you know, even that morning, like, oh, it just reminds me so much. Every time I learn a new skill or try something new, and I stick at it enough to get a little bit better. I get really addicted to that little growth phase. And it's been so cool just over two days to see how much growth has been. Yeah, just just that feeling of like, oh my god, I did it. Oh my god, I learned something. Oh my god, I'm like, 10 times better than I was this morning. And I just love that feeling. So I think I'm gonna get really hooked on on snowboarding, because this is a really cool hobby, I mean, probably one of the most expensive hobbies you can have. But I so far absolutely love it, and I'm really excited, actually, to get back on the slopes this afternoon. So before I do that, I'm going to get stuck into today's episode. And today's episode is really about when you're feeling stuck, and you're sort of in a place or a context or an environment or a situation where you feel like you're spinning your wheels, but you're not actually moving forward, and maybe you've hit this ceiling and you don't see how you can go further, or you feel like you're doing all of the things, but nothing's actually working. And this is usually the point in time where doubt starts creeping in, where you start second guessing your next move, where you start feeling like this is pointless, what you know, all of that sort of shadowy shit starts to play out when you feel like you're doing all the things but getting nowhere, or you start to feel like there's nothing you can do, and you can start to creep into that almost victim mindset of powerlessness and that there's nothing you can do. You're actually a victim to circumstance, and although sometimes there are things outside of your control that can happen that can make you feel powerless, maybe there's a change in your market, maybe there is an industry crash, maybe there is a housing boom and you can't get in. Maybe the economy starts to do weird things. Maybe your boss actually is an asshole. Yes, sometimes things happen outside of your control that make you feel like you're not in control. But you always, always, always, always, always have the power to choose how you're going to respond to it. And I truly believe that if you allow yourself to choose the narrative, I'm stuck, and there's nothing else. There's nothing I can do, you're you're going to lose and and that's a certainty. And so I love one of my favorite quotes that I ever heard, that I think actually was one of the most profound things anyone's ever said, was my first mentor. His name was Bob Proctor, and he used to say, You're not stuck, you're out of creative thought. And I love this because it really speaks to that truth, that you're never actually stuck, but you are committed to thinking in old ways that get you the same results. And so really, what we need when we are feeling stuck is to change our whole perception of reality and to start thinking differently outside of our current loops and patterns and behaviors, because we have a very repetitive way of thinking as adults, we have really, really hard wired thought processes that. Are so strongly grooved into our neural pathways that we literally think the same thoughts and ask ourselves the same questions. And because we're always thinking out thinking the same thoughts and asking the same questions, we're getting the same answers and then behaving in the same way and getting the same results. But really what we need to do when we can't see the forest from the trees, we need to start asking ourselves new questions. Tony Robbins always says, the quality of your life is determined by the quality of questions you ask yourself. And when you get stuck in this mentality of, I'm stuck. There's nothing else I can do. Everything out there is happening to me. All of these external circumstances are creating my reality. What happens is, we can start to ask questions like, Why does this always happen to me? And that's not an empowering question. And so if you are stuck, what I want to give you in this episode is three really powerful questions to ask yourself when you feel like you're spinning your wheels, you're not getting anywhere. You're not able to take any kind of action. Everything is outside of your control. I want you to come back to your power. And to come back to your power is to remember that you will never be someone who becomes a victim to outside circumstances, because the second you allow yourself to become a victim to things outside of yourself, you're not in control of your life anymore, and think about that as soon as you give your power away to things outside of yourself, you are never in control. You're never the writer of your story. You're never the creator of your story, you're never the director of your story. You are a passive bystander who has to stop and wait for the director to write the script, and that director will be someone else who doesn't have your goals in mind, your best interests in mind, and the second you allow yourself to go into that I'm stuck mentality, you are giving all of your power away. And that does not mean that you can't have a moment sometimes and be a little victim for a second and go, This is fucked. This is this is really rough. This is stretching me, but if you don't catch yourself quickly to be able to go, Okay, I've had my moment. I've had my little victim moment. I've stomped it out. I've had a temper tantrum. I've got that out of my system. Now I'm ready to fucking take action. I'm ready to look at things differently. I'm ready to ask myself more quality questions, to get better quality answers, so that I can actually take that pen and write my own story and choose how I'm going to respond to this. If you don't get yourself into this state, this empowered state, you're never going to be in control of your life. And that is the most to me, alarming and concerning and frightening concept. How frightening is that concept that you don't get to control your life, that you don't get to control your story, that you don't get to rewrite the narrative, that you don't get to decide how you're going to respond to anything that life throws at you. I believe the most powerful person you can be is the person who goes it doesn't matter what happens out there. It doesn't matter what the weather does, it doesn't matter what other people say. It doesn't matter what the economy does. It doesn't matter what the market does. I'm in control of me. I'm in control of my reactions. I'm in control of my actions. I'm in control of the narratives I tell myself and the character traits that I choose to refine and show up as that is the most empowering place you can be. So let's go into that mentality now. I want you, if you are feeling stuck, to ask yourself these three powerful questions. And what we're going to do is unlock different questions which give you different answers, so that you can start to create new momentum. So the first question you're going to ask yourself when you feel stuck is, what am I avoiding right now? Why don't you feel stuck? What are you avoiding? Now? Let me give some examples. Let's say you're a coach and you feel stuck in your business, and you're like, it hasn't grown there it is. Hit a ceiling. Nobody's I'm not getting any leads my business, I feel really stuck. I'm doing all the things, I'm posting, all the things I'm doing the master classes, and I'm creating connections with all of these people. I'm doing all the things, but I'm actually not getting anywhere. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm stuck. What you will find is, if you ask the question, What am I avoiding? What else could I do? What else could I do? What else could I do that I'm avoiding? Maybe you'll find that actually You've been avoiding picking up the phone and making a sales call, and actually You've been avoiding asking that person that you've always looked up to if you could go on their podcast. And actually, if you were really honest with yourself, you could say, I'm avoiding paying money for this coach, because even though I've got the money, I'm scared that it won't work for me, or I'm scared she won't say yes to me. I'm scared I won't be accepted once I submit the application, what you might actually find is that underneath this, there is actually just a fear of rejection. I'm, you know. I'm afraid that if I make the sales calls, I'll be rejected. I'm afraid that if I ask this big dog if I can be on their podcast, I'm actually going to be rejected. And then, okay, we've gotten a little bit deeper just in this scenario, it's like, okay, we thought the problem, the presenting problem, was I'm stuck. But if we dig a little bit deeper and go into avoidance, what am I avoiding? What am I avoiding? What am I avoiding? We see that actually I'm avoiding being the feeling of rejection. And then there's something we can actually do with that, which I'll get into in a moment, but let me give you another example. Let's say you're in a toxic relationship and you feel stuck, and there's nothing you can do, because it's you're spinning around in circles, and you're getting the same results in this relationship all the time, and it's been years, and you're not getting anywhere, and you've tried everything you possibly can, but it's just not working. And if you ask the question, What am I avoiding? What am I avoiding? What am I avoiding? And you might all of a sudden go, I'm avoiding setting boundaries, and I'm avoiding saying no to this person, because it feels uncomfortable, and then I might be rejected, and it's like, okay, so now we've gotten a little bit deeper, so underneath the story which we put all of our focus on, I'm stuck. I'm stuck. And think about that language. Think about that energy. I'm stuck automatically puts up this energetic wall that there's nothing you can do. But when we dig a bit deeper and we look at our avoidance, what we will see is the actual thing we're avoiding. And so the reframe here is stuck isn't the problem. You are not stuck. Avoidance is the problem. And nine times out of 10, you will find that if you have the courage and the emotional resilience and the emotional intelligence to be able to move, move alongside your fear, move alongside your discomfort, you will be able to reach a new level, because that is actually the problem. You want to hit a new level, and you're not yet willing to do something that feels uncomfortable, and so you're not going to hit your new level. Before you hit a new level. You have to hit a new level of discomfort to open your capacity, you have to sort of go through the mud to realize, oh, I actually could do that, and now I've reached money level. You don't get to the peak of a mountain before going over the summit, and the summit is the hardest part. You don't get a baby in your arms before you have contractions. So you always contract before you expand. And this is no different. But what you're avoiding in this I'm stuck is actually the magic place for you to start, if you can face head on, the thing that you're avoiding. So let's say you've actually discovered through asking this question, what am I avoiding? I'm avoiding the feeling of rejection. Okay, the actual work for you to do is to become someone who can face the feeling, because that's all it is. It's a feeling. If you can face the feeling of rejection and be a safe space for yourself to sit inside that feeling of rejection, you are not going to be afraid of it anymore. And so actually, what this is, is an emotional resilience and emotional intelligence issue, which is why I bang on about it so much in all of my courses, most of us actually hit a ceiling because we're avoiding we're avoiding feeling uncomfortable, we're avoiding feeling scared, we're avoiding feeling rejection, we're avoiding feeling anxiety, we're avoiding feeling discomfort. But all of those things are the prerequisites for growth. You have to be someone who can handle discomfort. You have to be someone who can handle gnarly feelings and all of that disgusting stuff that comes with growth for you to be able to get to the next level. And so there's your first question and your first reframe, being stuck isn't the problem avoiding. The problem is so if you can then find the courage to face the thing you're avoiding head on, and to move with it, I almost see fear as something that you dance with. You look at fear and you're like, Come on, let's tango. Let's fucking go. I'm taking your hand, I'm taking the lead. I'm going to lead you through this, and you're coming along with me. I've got you, but we're doing this scared, we're doing this uncomfortable, we're doing this afraid. And move into the thing that you're avoiding. That's the first one. Okay, second question you're going to ask yourself is, and it's kind of a lead on from this first question, if I couldn't fail, what would I do next? Now, often, when we're looping on this story that we're stuck, it's actually a really strategic way for our subconscious mind to distract us from the actual thing, the actual issue. So we say we're stuck, but if we play with this question a kind of similar to the first one, what we start to see is that actually we're not stuck. We're deeply afraid of something. And if we can figure out again what that thing is, we can start to do the work to face it head on. And so if you are, let's say, as an example, you ask the question, if I weren't afraid of failure, what would I do next? And. A business owner who you might say, look, if I knew I couldn't fail, I'd launched the damn program I've been procrastinating and wanting to do for ages. Or, let's say you're in a job that you hate, and you say, and you're stuck. You're saying, There's no way you can go. There's nothing you can do. But if I said to you, well, what would you do next if you knew you couldn't fail? And you said, Well, fuck, I'd tell my boss tomorrow to shove it, where the where the sun don't shine, and I'd be out of here. Then that tells me that actually you do know what the next step would be, but it's actually fear. It's not that you're stuck, it's that you're afraid. And so again, you start to see I'm not actually stuck. I'm choosing to stay in this place because I'm afraid. And so if you start to ask that question, what would I do differently if I knew I couldn't fail? What you'll see is, actually there's a lot of action I would take. It's just that I'm afraid. So even there, you can start to reframe your story all of a sudden, it's not that you are stuck, it's not that you are stuck, because you are never stuck. And I want you to be someone who really, really embodies this, and take this on as one of your own beliefs. I am never stuck. I am never stuck, but maybe I'm afraid, and even that doesn't that feel more empowering to stop saying the story. I'm stuck. There's nothing I can do. There's nowhere I can go. When you actually figure out the root problem, the root cause, and that is all on you, then you're actually empowered. So if you can even start to go, I'm not stuck. I'm afraid. But that's okay. Fear never killed anyone, so let's actually move with the fear. What you'll start to see is there's actually lots of action I can take. I'm just afraid. And then the next part is, well, what small action can I do despite the fact that I'm afraid? What can I do even though I'm afraid? Because the problem is not that you are stuck. The problem is that you have a fear of failure. And in this scenario, when you ask the question, what would I do if I couldn't fail? You can even go one step further. Once you've figured out what your fear of failure is, what I like to do is go, okay, so this is what I'm afraid of. Then I make a plan for if that worst case scenario happens. Let's say I'm afraid that I launched the course and nobody buys okay, what's the worst thing that could happen? Let's make a plan for my worst case scenario so that I know I've got this. Even in my worst case scenario, even in my biggest fear, I've still got this. Again, what you're doing is you're changing all of the energy and attention and focus from all the things outside of you that could happen to what I will do, how I will respond, and how I will stand in my own two feet and make something out of nothing, because I'm the kind of person who is always in control. I am never stuck. You are empowered no matter what. So you can see how with these two questions, the first question being, what am I avoiding? And the second question being, what would I do right now if I couldn't fail, you start to see how actually you're not stuck. You're just not taking action, and you're not taking action because you're afraid. But even now, you're starting to feel a little bit more empowered, and you're starting to be able to see what action to take next, because you're never going to get clarity from thinking you're never getting clarity from thinking. You're getting clarity from action. But the reason you're not taking action is because you're telling yourself you're stuck. So when you ask these questions, you start to say, actually, I'm not stuck. I'm not stuck. I'm just a bit afraid. I'm just a little bit uncomfortable. But that's okay, and make a plan and move forward with the discomfort. And that leads me to the last question, question three, who do I need to become? Who do I need to become to move forward now, why this question matters is because the first two questions are going to unveil to you the person that you need to become in order to take action and get out of this stuck and stagnant energy. To get out of the stuck and stagnant energy, you need to take a new action forward, any action, honestly, any action in the right direction, especially if it's the action you actually are avoiding, is going to compound, is going to add up and is going to change your trajectory, because you're not staying in inaction. Inaction only gives you one thing more of the same. So I always say to clients, if you are stuck and you are choosing to do nothing about it, you are then choosing to stay stuck, and that's okay, maybe you want to stay here a little bit longer, but eventually you're going to have to choose any action forward, any action in the right direction is still a commitment to changing your energy, to building momentum. And so because you want to get unstuck, you're going to have to move forward. And as you've probably been able to figure out from the first two questions, you're going to have to become somebody who moves forward, even though you're afraid, even though you're uncomfortable, and that's going to need you to become somebody of a new identity. And so what you might do is ask, if I was somebody who could move forward with these fears, who would I be? What sort of habits, what sort of thoughts, what sort of beliefs would I have? If I was somebody who could move forward despite the fear that I've found. And despite the discomfort, despite the fear of rejection, and what you will find nine times out of 10, is that you are going to have to become somebody who is resilient. You are going to have to become somebody who is courageous. You are going to have to become somebody with grit. You are going to have to become somebody who does things scared. You are going to have to become somebody who can do things nervous, and when you start to build an identity around being that person, your whole world is going to change and shift, and your results are going to change and shift, and you're going to find that you're never stuck, because, why? Because you're the kind of person who can deal with all of this. Because even though it feels scary, even though it feels really overwhelming, even though it feels like the world outside of you is is handing you curve balls. You're the kind of person who can move despite this. And so I say to any client and in any of my programs and any of my courses, if there is one identity shift I want you to really build for yourself and to really embody for yourself, it is that I am a courageous person. I can move even though I'm afraid. Because when you identify as a courageous person, all of this discomfort that comes up when you're stuck is going to feel like part of the process. It's like, Oh, I feel stuck. I feel scared, I feel afraid, I feel all of these excuses, I feel all of this discomfort, but because I have really worked on my identity as somebody who moves, even though this is coming up, because I'm a courageous and resilient person, you're going to take action regardless, as opposed to sit in inaction and let the story that you're stuck perpetuate. So if you can ask yourself, Who do I need to become? Who do I need to become to move forward? Who do I need to become? To move with my fears head on, to face my fears head on. Who do I need to become? To take action, despite all of the discomfort that is the next part, build an identity about that version of you. How does she act? How does she move? How does she face her fears. How does she take the next step? And so all of this is to say you are never stuck. You are often using the story of being stuck to to basically play out an avoidant pattern. And sometimes that avoidant pattern is so sneaky because it actually keeps you safe, and that's why you've probably heard the quote, We will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. We don't want to feel unfamiliar feelings. But if you are going to take a new action, to get a new result, to get to your new level, to get unstuck, you need to feel uncomfortable. It's such an oxymoron. It's like a big smack in the face from the cosmic universe. It's like for you to grow, you need to feel uncomfortable, but every fiber of your being will hate it, and so you will tell yourself that you are stuck, because that means you don't have to face these little challenges that are being given to you to see if you can reach that new level. So think about it like a game when you play Mario Kart. When you play any PlayStation game, I don't know I'm going back to like, obviously, I'm a 90th kid. You have to beat a particular beast or dragon to get to a new level. For you to get to your new level of career or business or relationships or connection or money or whatever, you also need to beat your own internal dragons, and those dragons play little mind games with you, telling you that there's you're stuck, there's nothing you can do, there's nothing else, but actually that is probably the beast you need to slay, and how you do it is by asking these three questions, and that will tell you what you're avoiding and what you're actually afraid of, and that will give you the clues For what action to take next, to dive straight into that place, because you're not stuck, you're just choosing not to take action. And any action, any action is just any action is better than no action. And so this is your reminder that whenever you feel stuck, it's just a signal. It's just a signal that you've hit a plateau, you've hit your upper limit, and you've got to start doing things differently, but to do things differently is going to feel uncomfortable. And so this is actually the point where you get to decide, am I going back to my comfort zone, or am I going to face all of these avoid things that I'm avoiding head on to get unstuck? And so I'm going to leave you with this final piece. Be very conscious of the language, the story, the narrative that you are stuck. When you adopt that language, you fall into victim category, and you fall into a place that everything's out of your control. You fall into I'm a damsel in distress, and somebody else needs to come and save me, because I can't. And that is not the place where you create your own reality, that is not the place where you become empowered, that is not the place where you grow that is not the place for you to feel like you are in complete control of your life. So even though things might be going fucking crazy outside of you, you always get the opportunity to choose what to do next and any action to. Your point B, your goal, any action towards your dream life, your dream business, your dream bank account, your dream relationships. Any action is better than inaction, but you are probably just avoiding it right now because of fear and so again, who do you need to become? In order to be someone who moves scared, you need to become courageous. And let's start being people who praise ourselves, who value ourselves on our level of courageousness, because that's how you become somebody who is always in control of your circumstances, because you're like no matter what happens to me outside, internally, I'm courageous, I'm resourceful, I'm in control, I'm never stuck, and therefore I'm always the one with the pen. I'm always the one writing my story. And that, to me, is a very empowered place to live. So if this landed, if you are, if you have been feeling stuck, if you've been in a little bit of a rut, if you've been stuck in a loop, I think you will love. In fact, I know you will love. Level Up Your Life, and the doors are open. Now. We already have over 30 people who are joining us, and I'm so excited to get cracking on this. We're going to create your point B. We're going to figure out your dream life. We're going to re engineer and re code and reprogram your subconscious mind so that none of this shit keeps you stuck any longer, so that you stop playing out your patterns of avoidance, and so that you become someone who faces your fears head on. We're all doing it together inside this round of level up your life. The doors are open. All of the links are in the show notes. I can't wait to open up and invite this whole round in to start together. I'm so pumped. I'm gonna go hit the slopes. I'm gonna go and, you know, get up on those black runs and just become a shred monkey by the end of this trip. So do have a look on Instagram if you want to watch some bloopers, I'm going to take a little bit of footage today if I can figure out how to hold my camera and snowboard at the same time. So watch out on Instagram if you want to see bloopers, if you want to join level up your life. If you're ready to get unstuck and stop telling yourself you're stuck and start taking action. I'll see you inside there, and I'll see you next week. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get. And I know that is going to be so powerful for you listening. So if I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button, or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You.