The Truth Most Coaches Won’t Tell You. Shadow Work with Felicity Morgan

Let me be clear...

This episode is NOT for the faint of heart.

We’re going there.

Shadow work. Manipulation. Shame. Self-righteous healing. The sh*t you swear you’re not doing (but might totally be doing).

I sat down with the SHADOW QUEEN herself  ✨Felicity Morgan ✨  and within 2 minutes we were already talking about:

• Manipulating partners to get our way 😬
• Poop particles on toothbrushes (yes, really)
• Being addicted to attention and chaos
• Why “love and light” work is keeping people stuck
• The self-help era that’s secretly keeping you a victim

Flick didn’t just share her wisdom, she cracked open her personal story with jaw-dropping honesty.

 Abuse. Homelessness. Trauma.

 And how she took radical responsibility and transmuted it into power.

This episode will rattle your cage in the best way.

 It’s one of the most potent, raw, and unfiltered conversations I’ve ever had.

🎧 Listen now → The Truth Most Coaches Won’t Tell You. Shadow Work with Felicity Morgan

If you’ve ever done “the inner work” but still feel stuck… this one will hit different.

This is your invitation to stop bypassing your own truth, and finally set yourself free.

See you inside the episode.

Bre x

P.S. Curious what your shadow’s been trying to tell you?

Play the Shadow World App and unlock the truth. [link here]

As always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx

Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

Alrighty, guys, I'm joined by the Shadow Queen herself, who is Felicity Morgan, and I'm holding in my hot little hand the cards that are from her own shadow work game. And I thought we would start this interview by dishing her a little bit of shadow work to share with us all. So Felicity, welcome and also eat shit. Can I just say the fact that you're this is how you're starting? It is so Breanna, like it's so you to do something like this, and I love it. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. You're so welcome. Let's get into this. So guys, we're going to do a few Shadow Work questions to start. We're going to do a few at the end, so you'll have to stick around for the end. These are from the game Shadow Play. I'll put the link in the show notes. You might be able to get some next year. The game is incredible. I just spent the weekend with my girlfriends playing it again. So fucking good, so fucking gnarly. So flick one. What is the last situation you manipulated to work in your favor and get what you wanted? Oh, I actually did this with Matt, my partner, recently. What did I say? Oh, my gosh, it was so recently. Oh, I actually remember what it was, and I only caught it in hindsight, but then I didn't tell him that I did it. But when Matt and I first started dating, there was one of his friends that I just didn't really like. And I just like, you know, you just get the vibe of someone. I'm like, this is something not right here. And I kind of, like dropped it to Matt in a really indirect way, and he ended up, like, stop being friends with this person. He didn't like, end up being friends with this person. And we were out for dinner with our friends the other night, and he asked something like this, like, one of his friends asked me something like this, and I and I told him, I was like, I think I actually manipulated you to stop being friends with that person. And he was like, Oh, I actually knew that I did. I just didn't, like, say it to you. And I was like, whatever. But I think I was like, indirectly, like, letting him know that I didn't like his friend. Isn't it so funny that we're think we're being so, so clever. And they're like, Yeah, that was obvious. He was like, I knew you were doing that, but I also was unsure about that person anyway. So yeah, that's all right, cool. If you knew you'd die tomorrow, what in your life would you try to resolve? Oh, that's a really, really good one. What would I try to resolve? It's interesting, because I feel like the past year that's been probably one of like, my biggest intentions is resolving like any like, I don't know, like ex friendships or like x dynamics, where I feel like there was parts of me that I only realized in hindsight that I had some level of contribution. So even on that, in the past six months, I've actually messaged three like, ex friends and being like, Hey, I just wanted to let you know that there was a, you know, a layer of my contribution that I didn't let you know was actually mine. So I feel like I've kind of been in that energy, and that actually got a vote from a conversation that Matt and I had around New Year's Eve where I were like, what are some things that, even though they're not impacting us now we know if we took it to the grave, we'd be like, Oh, I wish I told that person that wasn't theirs to hold. That's cool. Yeah. So that's been really, really cool. And he had some other stuff with his family and friends that he did, so I don't know any big ones, like, I feel like I've just knocked a few out of the park lately. Love that so good. Yeah. What is the worst thing you've ever done to another person. I've answered this so many times, so gross, and I hate that you asked me this, because I get this question all the time, and it's always going to be the same answer, because it's actually disgusting. So I don't even know if I know the answer. I don't know if you're going to put this on well, I need to know. Now. I need to know. So when I was younger, and I was just like, a drunk and drinking and partying and spiteful and resentful, I think I was like 15, and I was dating a guy, and he, like, I was like, living at his house, and he kicked me out, right? And he was like, you're no longer living here, whatever. And when I was packing my stuff, I grabbed his toothbrush and I scrubbed my bum with that, and then I put the two. Have I not told you that? I do not know this That's fucked up like I was like 15, but whenever someone asked me a question, I'm like, that's got to be one of the worst things to do someone that's fucking rancid. I feel for this poor Did you ever Okay, so in your resolving of things, have you ever okay? Maybe I should, but like maybe does, is that for the greater good for him to know that some of my poo particles are on his toothbrush, and he would have a new toothbrush? I think I was so young, I think I had asshole hairs. Are you a challenge? Surely you had asshole hairs. And I hairs. I wasn't one of those Italians, though. Okay, all right, let's leave that right there. I think this is a very good way to introduce shadow work. So we're going to get into all of the gnarly bits of what Shadow Work is, the ways that it plays out in in lives all the. The things. But I want to start with for people listening, how would they know if they are going to benefit from this conversation? How would they know if they're acting out or showing behaviors symptoms, that they're going to really benefit from shadow work? Yeah. So I think if you are someone who has a pulse, you have a shadow. So every single human being has a shadow, and you would know if you have a shadow, if there's a part of you that comes out that you're often shameful of in hindsight, or you feel defensive about, or you feel triggered by, or you feel you want to hide it, or even if there's parts of you that you suppress, that you have like an unusual relationship to that part. So maybe it's like your sexuality. It could be your funny side. It could be, you know, your confidence side, whatever it is. So anytime that you're not fully owning yourself, or there's parts of yourself that you have an unusual relationship to it, that's a good indication that shadow work is going to be really beneficial to you. Okay, so what is Shadow Work? So Shadow Work is the process of looking at yourself super honestly and looking at the parts of yourself that you get triggered by through others, the parts of you that you deny, the parts of you that you suppress, the parts of you that you defend, and the parts of you that you just like you hold shame around. Ultimately, what about the powerful parts like, do you do that kind of shadow work too, where it's like you might be suppressing your power, yeah? So dark, yeah. So there's two parts of shadow work, right? There's like the darker aspects, which I think people always need to do, the darker parts first, because if you just do light, you become self obsessed and ignorant to yourself, right? If you're always, if you're someone who's manipulative and you're lying and you're being deceitful and destructive, and then you're telling yourself that you're confident and you're kind and you're loving and you're deserving, you end up becoming someone that's delusional to themselves, right? You actually become a bigger problem. So my process of Shadow Work is always going into the darker aspects first, because the lighter aspects is very much like the Love and Light World, which is such a powerful part of shadow work. But you often want to go into the darker aspects first. Otherwise you won't be looking at your impact on others, and you won't be looking at your impact on yourself. You just be like, well, I've got to guess myself and tell myself that I love myself more. And it's like, no, you actually need to see where you're being rude to your partner or you're being overreactive to your kids. I actually read in one of your posts, probably in the last couple of weeks, you said I did the love and light work. I unpacked the trauma. I did, you know, the journaling. It wasn't until I faced my shadows that stuff started to change. So what was it that actually drew you to this work you'd obviously done all of that sort of, I want to say, start the rudimentary mindset work, the you know, reframing your beliefs and unpacking negative beliefs and all of those things. And what I've witnessed to is that that takes people so far, but not usually far enough. So what was your experience that made you go, this isn't fucking working. What was that drew you to shadow work? What was happening in your life? So I was doing the love and light work. I was doing the affirmations, and I was feeling better, but I ended up relying on them. I don't know if you had this experience as well, where I needed to meditate and I needed to self affirm, and I need to have this perfect routine, otherwise a part of me would come out, and it was super reactive and super destructive, like, if I didn't have my morning routine, if I hadn't meditated for half an hour, if I hadn't done my affirmations in the morning, if I hadn't journaled, if I hadn't done if I hadn't done these specific rituals, the part of me that would come out would be super reactive anger. You know, this part that I just had a weird relationship with. So what I realized was, all of that stuff, it led me to somewhere, didn't it like it really did. It got me out of, like, a dark space, and I had tools and resources to be able to, like, rely on when I wasn't feeling good. But nothing was actually, like, changing, you know, I mean, like my baseline was so shit, right? So all that love and light stuff, it got me to a better frequency. But when I didn't have it, my baseline was quite poor. And I think one of the main things that I remember realizing, having done all this work, and I, you know, I left my partner, my, you know, the father of my two kids, and left that relationship, and I started dating in the real world, let's say, and I kept attracting the same people. And I was like, I'm literally so conscious now, and I'm healed, and I've done this trauma work, and, you know, I've healed my relationship to the masculine, like I had all this stuff. I was like, why am I attracting these men? Why am I drawn to these men? And it wasn't until I saw, like my shadow and realized the benefit I was getting from attracting these men, the narratives that I got to fuel, did I realize, oh, like, I don't need the love and light work. I need to see what where I'm actually benefiting from what I keep creating and what I keep attracting in my life and so but even before. Then, because if people jump on your Instagram, which has popped off in the last few months, it's crazy, the growth you've gone through. And I want to unpack you mentioned, like, visibility, things and stuff that you've worked through, which is so fucking cool before, if people jump onto your Instagram now, they're like, I'm assuming so many projections might be put into place. You've mentioned, you know, people go, Well, you've always had money. Your kids are older, easy for you. Your kids are older. You're rich, your partner, whatever it might be. Can you please just, and I know this is actually, there's so many pieces to this. You've got a background that's actually paved with abuse. There's so much abuse. It's also not something you lead with which I've I love the way you talk about this, but I want to unpack where you came from, so that listeners and people who do follow you understand there's actually been so much that's gone into who you are today. Where has it come from? I love that you're bringing this up. Can I just say the reason why I want to give you context for why I love that you're bringing this up is that's probably one of the biggest projections that I get is like, oh, it's easy for you to say this. You haven't been a victim of abuse, you haven't experienced X, Y and Z. And I'm always like, Oh, if only you knew, or if like, or even like read the caption, you'd be able to read it. So a little bit of a backstory is I actually grew up in America, and I don't know if you know that about me, but I actually grew up in Vegas, and where things started going really, really strange and really downhill, like I had, you know, a beautiful life in Vegas with my mum my dad. We actually got deported from America due to choices that my dad made, unfortunately, and we moved to Australia, new country, within like, 24 hours, like home, completely gone, taken by the government, my mum and dad came here with $10 and within weeks, my mum and dad split, and nearly straight after that, my mum got into a relationship with a man, and he started abusing me, I think I was about seven, and that went on until I was around 13 years old, until I got the courage to actually move out of home. So from 13 years old, I've actually independently looked after myself, had my own house, paid my own bills, looked after myself. I've been homeless. I've slept, you know, underneath Apartment, apartment stairs. I've, you know, slept in Slides, in playgrounds before, like, I've lived literally on the street, in between houses. So that's kind of like, a bit of like my childhood. But then it didn't stop there, because I didn't do the inner work back then. I ended up choosing men that you know were in really destructive and abusive relationships. One led really, really, really, really bad, where we ended up breaking up, and then a few months later, he actually kidnapped me, and he sexually assaulted me, and I ended up having to go to court for that and all that different type of stuff. So that's kind of like a little bit of my background of, like, just the abuse, and there's, like, many other little, like smaller moments that I'm not going to really touch on, but that's kind of where I came from, and it was literally just a history of just like always, attracting abusive relationships. Up until I was about 2523 25 so about 10 years ago, I was still attracting abusive relationships. Yeah. So how did that manifest into behaviors, dynamics? You've mentioned, poor relationships, romantically attracting men that weren't quite what you wanted, what were the other signs for you and symptoms for you that you had some shadows that were running the show in a way that you weren't happy with? So one of the main things, and actually it's interesting, because this is where I really started opening up to my secondary gain was actually in the relationship where the guy kidnapped me. And I remember thinking to myself, after it all happened, and after I had worked through the initial pain, the shock, the trauma, and it was about a year later, I thought to myself, like, Why did I stay with him longer than I did? And yes, I ended up breaking out with him. And yes, I ended up, like, all that stuff. I'm like, what was, what was I attracted to? You know, I mean, like, for a man to do that and so on. To do that, he was a very explosive person. He was very obsessed with me. You know, he was very protective and possessive over me. And what I realized was there was benefit. I love the attention. I loved him fighting for me. I loved the intensity. Because as a child, I didn't really have my dad around. I had a stepdad who didn't care about me, and when the only time he would care about me was when he was hitting me or hurting me in some in some form, some way, and I realized I was attracting attention from men that I was willing to get in relationships with abusive men who were going to hurt me, because I knew that they would be explosive, and that same explosive nature made me feel wanted, and that was really hard. And like anyone that is experienced sexual abuse can be potentially triggered by this conversation, because it can be very hard being like, oh, but then you're victim shaming, like you're saying that the victim created that situation. No, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I chose to be raped and and kidnapped. But I'm saying that there was a part of me that attracted a person who could do that, and what was that? And because that didn't stop in that relationship, you know, I mean, I continued to attract these explosive men, these men that was so intense, you know, that they would, you know, they would fight for me, but they would fight at me as well. Yeah, yeah. So interesting. So it's obviously, when you do shadow work, it's gnarly, because you've got to look at the part that goes, Oh, actually, I'm an attention whore. Or actually, yeah, I fucking love jealousy. I love manipulating people. You've really gotta own parts that there's typically been so much shame around. So what if anyone's like, I'm going to do shadow work, I'm ready to go gnarly. What are the things that are going to stop them? How does the ego make sure that you know that their shadow is never actually dealt with? So one of the main things, and I think that you would experience, this in your coaching, is shame. That is probably the number one thing. And I don't know if you say that, do you say shame? Is probably as cock blocker? Yeah, shame? I would say shame and blame. Yeah, good one. So I think firstly shame, and what that looks like is taking what you find to weaponize yourself. So it's like, I'm going to see a new pattern. I'm going to see a different part of myself. I'm going to see where I've contributed to this dynamic, and then I'm going to make myself bad for it, right? And that really stops us, because what ends up happening is our focus is no longer on the new information that we've learned about ourselves. It's now diverted to, how can I make this mean something bad about me, and that's where people say no growth. And this is why, in my work, when you come into any of my programs or my app or whatever it is, I always do a strong module on shaming, like how to get out of like shame spiraling shame cycles, and how to really break the habit of attaining new information about yourself from a neutral state where you use it as, Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful for this new observation of myself versus how can I make myself bad for this? Do you think that there is a healthy amount of shame? Yeah, I think shame is amazing. Yeah. So I believe shame directs us to parts of ourselves that we don't want to see. You know, I really do right? Like there's truth to that, right, but it's how we use it. And this is what I love, the way that I see shame. It's kind of like a spotlight, you know, it's going to shine a light on a part of you that two things. It's either it's absolutely true, there is a reason why. There's a reason to feel shame about that, but feel it for a second to observe the spotlight on it and then work through it from a neutral state. Or sometimes it shines a light on a part of you that you actually get to move past, where there's actually no reason for shame anymore, because you've integrated that into your life, or you've had the apology, or you've resolved it, and it's like, oh, I actually don't need to have that relationship to that part of myself or that past experience that I had. So I think that that's what shame does. It directs you on things that you haven't healed or evolved out of, or things that you need to heal and things that you need to evolve out of. I love that. I think that's one of the main misconceptions that I saw when people started doing shadow work or even rhetoric online, is like, Don't shame me. Don't shame and I started to feel like, well, hold on. Shame is a very healthy thing, and then can be used productively. If there's no shame, we're going to develop a whole society of narcissists that believe they can do no wrong and they're God's gift to Earth. So I think it's a really cool conversation to bring in. You need to. You can't do you can't go too far in shadow work if you shame spiral. However, shame is still one of the healthiest starting points to actually doing good shadow work. Yeah, use that the way that I teach it in my programs. It's like, it's not that you don't shame, but you realize, okay, cool, I'm feeling shame. What is this teaching me? Like, why do I feel so attached to this thing where I'm now, like, trying to remove myself from it, right? Because shame is actually a mechanism saying, don't look here. Yeah, let's get everyone focused on that. I feel so bad about this, which means I don't need to take responsibility for it. But when you're a neutral observation, you have to take responsibility for it. So what you just said, it's about using shame productively. And I totally agree, because when we try to protect everyone from shame, which is definitely a narrative online, which is like We're not children, like we can't we're all adults. Now, I think that that needs to be a bit retired, that we're all these like broken birds. You know that? You know Instagram, like a caption can apparently traumatize you. It's like, it's not true, but, but what we can do is look how things bring up things within us. Like. Does that trigger within us? And sometimes it's actually not about you, but sometimes it's a part of you that you get to go, oh, that's actually not me anymore. I get to work through that. Okay, cool. I get to resolve that. And a huge part, I suppose, of doing shadow work is that thing that you've mentioned a few times in there, observing with neutrality, getting to a place of neutrality. Oftentimes it's being able to see multiple sides of things. It's this very neutral lens that you hold. Have you ever experienced that? Because you've done shadow work for so long, and your mind thinks that way, where neutrality can kind of start to merge into not apathy, but like a it feels like you're like this all the time. You're so neutral that it's for me, this was my experience. It was like I can be so neutral to everything that I almost want, and this would be the shadow part play out again. I almost want to fucking feel something again, like I want to trigger, be triggered, or trigger someone, because neutrality was starting to feel boring. Does that make sense? So no. And I wonder if, like, I wonder if you resonate with this, because this was my relationship to it, and I don't know, whenever I have this conversation with someone, they're like, oh my gosh, I had been there. So I'm curious how you resonate with this. Is I was getting so neutral that I actually started not having boundaries. And I was like, Oh, that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. Because I wasn't triggered by it. I was letting that inform me that it was okay. So I actually, like, put up with a lot more than what I should have. And I feel like that's a stage in shadow work. And like, I don't know if this podcast is probably, like, going deep into that is the right space. Maybe this is another podcast of, like, the different journeys into shadow. Into shadow work. But like, definitely the mid journey. You're all about neutral observation, neutral observation, neutral observation, like, and all that. But then eventually you get to a point where nothing triggers you, that you end up lacking boundaries and standards, where, like, you kind of let people walk all over you because you're not triggered by it. You're like, Oh, that's okay. Because, like, oh, it's not bringing up anything within me, so I guess it's okay. So that was my journey where I actually needed to bring back in, and I think that's been the past two years. Oh, just because I'm not feeling so affected by this where I need to spend three days in bed, that's actually not okay, and I'm going to put a boundary there. Yeah, yeah, totally, I've had that experience too. And another one, actually, is one that I spoke to you about in one of the masterminds, which was when you are so conditioned then, probably because you've been looking at things through a shadow lens for so many years. It's like, for example, how this played out for me was, I'll go to write a piece of content, and it's like, oh, this is my belief, or this is my point that I'm putting across. But then you'll see multiple angles, multiple objections, multiple nuance, like so many layers of nuance that you can't just say the fucking thing. And that was one of my journey that I you helped me. Where did you? Has that been part of your shadow journey as Oh, Breanna, yes, yes. And you know what also it is, it can nearly go into, like, a psychosis. I don't know if you nearly went there where, like, you're like, nearly puts you into a psychosis. But what really helped me, and I think that this was your journey, and I remember us bouncing about this was like, there's always going to be a duality, like every especially when it comes to content. It's like, any message there is always going to be an exception to the rule. And it's okay if people call you out on that as well, and it's okay if someone sees the exception more highlighted for them based on their situation. So for me, there's always an exception, but you never want that to dilute you from what you're saying. Yeah, yes, I've definitely gone there. Yeah, there's like, so I think shadow work, like you said, comes in so many layers, and I think people start their mind is fucking blown, and then they end up probably a bit more triggered than they were before, almost. And then there's neutrality. It's a it's a whole journey. I wanted to talk about the shadow of the self help world. So, yeah, this is something I've been feeling, and I actually noticed you put something, you put a reel up. I think it was last week where you said most people's healing era is actually just a self righteous way to keep blaming What do you mean by this? Such a good, real, such a good didn't get the traction that I thought it would. But still, so most people's healing era is, and this is it's kind of what we were speaking about the start, when you first get into personal development, where it's like, how can I go down my childhood and go down the trauma world and see who was responsible for every single behavior and pattern within me, right? So it's kind of like me saying, Oh, the reason why I kept choosing bad men was because of my stepdad. And the reason why I kept choosing bad men, they created that pattern for me, but I strengthened it and reinforced it for 20 or so years, right? So it's actually my. Responsibility as an adult. But I really believe a lot of people's healing error isn't necessarily looking at, how am I contributing to this, how am I creating this? How am I continuing to fuel this? It's who did this to me. And you will see this where, when, and I don't know how many conversations that you have around this now, but I remember when I was very much coaching people more in their earlier days. So more in my earlier days as coaching and I would be able to know when people were were doing this, where they were doing personal development, to point fingers, you would reflect to them a pattern. And they would say, Why am I like this? Why do I do this? Right? The conversation wasn't, how do I work out of this? You know, how am I? How can I what are the steps out of this? It was, why do I do this? And what they were actually saying is, who can I attribute blame to this fall? And that was really what they were saying, who's guilty for this? Is it my mom? Is it my dad? Is it my uncle? Is it my cat? Like, who's guilty of this? And I think that that's where people go too far. And you and you and I have spoken about this before, but obviously not on a podcast. I actually believe that's a key part of your journey, like it was actually really interesting for me to understand how a lot of my core patterns were actually formed from my childhood. But I know if I stayed there, I would probably hate every single one of my family members. Yeah, and I wouldn't trust people, and I would hate people, and I would, I would, you know, I would just be in at such a bad state, and a lot of people stay there. So true. I often think sometimes the personal development industry has created, for a lot of people, a hamster wheel, yeah, of self obsession. That's what it sort of becomes, have you noticed any other collective shadows within the personal development world? Well, let's even think about the word personal development, like, even when I think about developments, like, what is development? It's building a house, right? It's developing a city. It's developing, you know, a shopping center. It's building on things. It's not going underground and tearing things up like it's not doing that. It's meant to be empowering you with resources and ways to work past your things, not to be looking at who created everything. So that's the way that I say even when I think about the word development, the way that most people use it is very much going down, you know, unnecessary rabbit holes that don't even ever need to be touched, or if they do, it's for interest and curiosity. It's not necessarily going to change your world like, and I've probably said this in a program that you've been a part of before, but I often say, you know, you give me your biggest pattern. If I said to you, I can tell you exactly how it was formed when you were seven. Would that give you the tools to change the pattern tomorrow? Not at all. It wouldn't. So why does it matter how it was formed? And whilst we can go that way for interest and curiosity, if you're thinking that's going to be like the golden nugget for you, you're going to be sadly disappointed and you're going to be angry at me, because it's not going to change anything for you. Yeah, so true. So if people listening are like, Fuck, I want to do shadow work, which is different to the love and light work they've been doing, different to the going down the trauma rabbit holes and trauma treasure hunts, and they're ready to actually kind of do this work. What are some practices, rituals, things, what do you do daily, weekly, to stay on top of yourself? I think the best way to start, and I reckon that you would agree with this, is triggers, patterns, judgments, like, if you can look at those things on a regular basis. So let's break them down. Who am I judging? And be honest, we're all judging people, even if it's lightly, right? Who are you judging? And how is that mirroring to you where you're just like them, right? What is getting you triggered? It might be traffic. It might be people who are late. It may be whatever it is, what's triggering you, and how is that a mirror for where you do that too, or where you're actually thinking that you're entitled, or thinking you're whatever it is, like there's a part of you that's coming out that you're being you're thinking you're superior to people, and then your patterns. So what's the reoccurring themes that are happening in your love life, with money, with friendships, whatever it is, and what role are you playing in that? Because if you're getting a regular pattern happening in your life, I'm here to tell you you're attracting it because you benefit from it. And what are some of actually, I think there was another thing that you wrote in your stories recently. I wrote it down somewhere here in my notes. It was, we don't just judge what we suppress. We judge what we refuse to admit we are. And that's kind of what you've just said there. So it's like looking at the things you judge as a that's them, not me, and being like, Fuck, I'm actually just like, that. Is that what you're getting at there? Yeah, because you hear a lot of people say, oh, like. Like, let's just say, in a pedestal link, you know, we people talk about that all the time, and people will say, and you hear it so much online, which is amazing, but they miss an aspect of it. Well, they'll say, Oh, you're jealous of them, because, you know, you aspire to be like that, yeah, right. Or, you know, you're also like that, or whatever it is. And it's like, actually, where are you jealous? Because you need to be in competition with them, right? Where you're actually competitive. So sometimes it's not you're also as powerful as them, it's actually you're playing out a part of yourself, right? And they're mirroring to you, where you can't play that. Maybe you love to be the winner. Maybe you love to be the most successful one, the prettiest one, right, whatever it is. And you can't be that with that person that creates anger and it creates turmoil, because you're like, I can't play my role. I'm usually the ex, the prettiest, the most fittest, the healthiest, whatever it is. And this person I can't do that with, so good. And I remember, actually, you said you had found recently that you were playing the role of the strong one. Yeah. And that had a benefit, but it also attracted so I think, like there's this beautiful example, a real life example, which I'll allow you to explain, because I'll butcher it, but where your persona and identity was playing out in a certain way, and there was truth to it. You are a strong person, but then attracting different situations where you felt like you couldn't be weak. So can you explain that example and how that sort of exemplifies what you were just saying? Yeah, and this is why it's so important to never overly identify with a certain characteristic within you, because then you feel like you end up needing to play that. So a very good example of that. I never used to be emotionally intelligent or strong. I used to be quite volatile, right? And super reactive, and I would need a lot of support, and, you know, all that stuff. When I started doing personal development, I ended up, you know, gaining a level of emotional intelligence. I ended up gaining a level of regulation, you know, the ability to better coach myself. And I would identify someone like, Oh, I'm very powerful and strong, and that obviously, then, you know, rippled out onto the way that my friends would speak to me, my clients, people online, that I was always strong, and that ended up becoming a cage because I which I put myself in. They didn't just because they were saying that I was strong. I didn't need to keep behaving that way and faking it when I actually wasn't feeling strong. But what ended up happening was I was like, Oh, I have to be strong, so now I'm not allowed to get support. And now people think that I'm always strong, so even when I'm going through something, they go, Oh, she's okay, right? But then I fueled that too, because I wasn't asking for support. So this is where when you overly identify with a part of yourself, it's never good, even a positive part. And this is why we want to have somewhat neutrality to all different parts of ourselves, because there's always going to be a time when we're not that, you know, and if we identify and lead that we're always that we're going to feel shame when we're not that, and we're going to go inward. So an example for me, because I had this identity of being the strong one when I wasn't actually feeling that, I was like, Oh, I have to go inside. I have to retreat. Because no one can see me like this, because online, I'm the strong one. My personal brand is built around it. You know, my friends, you know, always say to me, like, I'm so proud of you. You're always so strong. Like, if anyone can handle it, it's you. And I'm like, when someone says that to you, I'm like, Yeah, I think a lot lately, actually, like, oh, we know you no one will be able to get through this. Like you can or like, and it's like, but I'm actually, and I had to do a lot of I've resonated so much with a lot of your content lately, because I'm like, fuck. Feels like we're the same person in so many ways. I remember having my own little moment where I was like, fuck, I've imprisoned myself to the mindset coach label and behind the scenes, I was really, really deep in this fertility hole, and yet, then I started to resent my business, and it was my business's fault. And I was like, actually, this is my fault, because I'm playing a part in my business. And it wasn't until I started just sharing, not from a place of I'm being vulnerable to manipulate, but because I actually don't want to wear this mask and hold this this identity so strongly, because it started to feel like a prison similar to yours, whereas, like guys, I'm actually not in a good mind space today. I'm, you know, I've just whatever's happening in the fertility, whatever, and that was the most freeing thing. But I didn't realize that I'd even created that persona until I started to feel these weird dynamics playing out. So when you mentioned what's happening to you in that strong identity, I was like, yeah. And sometimes you build your whole coaching business around an identity and then perpetuates it further. Yeah. But even for me, I ended up resenting. Friend over it, I ended up bringing it to her, and we have such a beautiful, safe relationship that we could just bounce around it. And she was like, I want to support you like that. What are you talking about? Like, of course I do, but I felt intimidated and felt like I couldn't, because you never reach out. So I had created. What you just said is, like, I created it. It wasn't but at first I was like, blaming my friend. I was like, Why doesn't she reaching out to me as much? And she's like, Well, when I do with it, you don't answer it like, you know? So, yeah, it was interesting that we're so easy to point fingers. But really, when we sit with ourselves, we're like, okay, cool, I created this and I don't like it anymore. So what is the action on it, and what is the action that I need to do to kind of break that prison now, essentially, if I had to put shadow work into a bow, it's the fucking it's the most insane levels of responsibility and ownership that you just can't be a victim anymore. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? It's even like, it's a thing that you really believe that you're a victim in. You got to explore where you kind of contribute, like, where you kind of had some level of contribution to it. And it's not saying that you have to own the whole pie, but see where you sprinkled the crumbs on top, yeah, you know, or you added the flour or sugar. Like, it's seeing, like, what was one part that you contributed to that? And that's really what it is, because people get triggered by that, where they're like, but it's, you know, it's, you know, it's not my fault that I got abused when I was six. I'm like, I'm not saying that, but like, where did you contribute to other dynamics that ended up playing out that same type of texture when you're older? So true, so good. It's all right, we're gonna do a few rapid fire questions to wrap this up, because I could talk to you all day, and there's so many, this is the thing I loved, and why I worked with you as a mentor was because so many layers. Like I was like, do I talk to flick about business or content or shadow work, all the different things. And I just, I could pick your brain for hours, but we'll do another episode. You've got a podcast coming out. Is that correct? Yeah, Matt and I do together. I'm very excited about that. Do you have any information about that? So we think that we're calling it this might end us. I love that, so I think we will call it that by Just Your reaction. But we've already filmed, I think, like, 30 episodes, so there's like, lots of stuff rolling out, and it's going to be, like, the most controversial podcast on the internet, like it's going to be really good, and it's going to be all the gnarly conversations, which is so good, so good. So let's do some final No, you've already answered that. You disgusting person with your toothbrush. Are you gonna air that? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. This one, this one doesn't feel very juicy. How do you feel about people who are rich or have a lot of money? I love it, because I am Rich and I have, did you have to do some work around that at any point? Like, did you have a shitty money mindset at all? Yeah, I did, because I came from nothing, like, single mom broke like, that was kind of my label, if I wanted a label at one point. So I had different levels, but I never, I never really judged people. Like, I didn't really have that, and I don't know why. I never had that. No one really opposed that rich people were bad. So, yeah, so just love it. Love that for them. Yeah, what is one conspiracies? What is one conspiracy theory that you actually believe, I don't believe in vaccines, Yep, yeah. I was going to say, like, fucking all of them. How many days have you won this? Oh, you live in Bali. This is probably, how many days have you worn the same underwear without washing I've never done that. I don't think, but what I do do sometimes this is, this is like, a bit like, gross. Sometimes I will go to the gym, and then I will come home have a shower, and then I'll put someone same underwear back on. Sometimes, yeah, if it's laundry day, yeah, like I'm not much of a sweater down there. Like, I'm not much of a sweater, yeah, okay, if you could be a fly on the wall, anywhere. Where would you choose to eavesdrop? Oh, that is a really good question. I don't remember that question, so I would love to hear how Caroline Miss interacts with her loved ones. Like, how do you have dinner Like, who do you talk to? Like, what's the conversation at the dinner table? Like, I would just like you. I think you know that I'm obsessed with her. Like, I'm hoping one day someone like, magically sets me up with her as, like a birthday present. So, like, she's my dream person to meet. But I would just love to hear how she converses with her, like people that she's close to. I feel like it would be exactly the same as how she teaches, like, slightly Savage, yeah, and super deep at the same time, yeah, maybe Yeah. I would even like to know what she eats. Like, what what's your breakfast? What do you eat? She. Is your psycho little like you're, you're the per she's the person that you would stalk. Yes, she is, yeah, yeah. That's so cool. Well, I want to say thank you so much for being on this. It's been a long time coming. We've canceled like two or three times on each other, and just we were meant to do it today, is what happened. And I honestly appreciate thank you so much. Oh, thank you so much, Breanna. It's been a pleasure, and it's always a good time speaking to you. Okay? And if there's any if people listening would like to come into your shadow world app, which is probably the best place to start, I'm assuming. What would you say? Where do they need to go? What can listeners look look for? So you can just go to shadow world, my shadow world on Instagram, and you're going to see a link in the bio, and you get three days free and come join us. Yeah, everyone, do it. Everyone. The world needs shadow work. Like schools need Shadow Work. Everyone needs to do shadow work. I don't even know how to human without shadow work, so please go and join the Shadow World app. And yeah, thank you so much for being here. Fleet, amazing. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get, and I know that is going to be so powerful for you listening. So if I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world, if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button, or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You