The Shadow Work I Didn’t See Coming (It Involved Mel Robbins 🙃)

Hey  there,

So here's something I didn't expect to say…

Recently, I had to do some shadow work on Mel Robbins.Yes. Mel-freakin-Robbins.

I love her. I admire her.

And yet… when her name kept popping up, something inside me went ick.

It was subtle.

But it was there.

A little eye roll.

A weird internal commentary.

 A “Ugh, why is everyone so obsessed with her?”

👀 Cue the ego flare-up.

But instead of spiritually bypassing it or pretending I was “just tired” (LOL),I did what I teach…

I sat the f down, got curious, and cracked open that Let Them book I’d been side-eyeing from a distance.

And what I uncovered?

Wow. Game. Changing. Clarity.

👉 The episode is raw.

👉 It’s a little unhinged.

👉 And it might just hold a mirror up to your own secret judgments (yes, even the petty ones).

This one is for the gnarly parts of ourselves we don't like to admit...are still there. The jealous. The catty. The judgmental. The 

And if you're reading this thinking: 

"I don't experience that...." 

"I've transcended that...."

"I don't really get bitchy or jealous..."

I love you, but that it the tell-tale sign that you need this episode the most-est. And yuppppp, it hurts the ego. 

My ego is slightly bruised....but I'm SO glad I sat down to share this story. 

🎧 Listen to the episode here.

Big love and honest mirrors,

B x

PS: If you’ve ever hated someone a little bit… and then realised they’re actually your biggest expander?

This ep is your permission slip to explore the gnarly parts of your mind.Because it’s never just about them. 👀 Listen now → The Mind School Podcast

As always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

Welcome back. It feels so good to be back this season, and I am loving the feedback that I am getting. So thank you so so much. If you have left feedback, I really appreciate it. If you have left a review, it really helps me to get more incredible guests like last week's guest. So if you listened last week, you will know we had a big, gnarly conversation all about shadow work with Felicity Morgan, who is one of the best Shadow Work coaches on in the industry, and has been one of my mentors for a few years. Which is why this episode today was a very accidental but perfect segue, because today is about a little bit of shadow work that I had to do on myself recently, a bit of a scenario or a few contexts, a few invite a few moments in a row that led to me going, Oh, I'm being a bit of a bitch, like, what the fuck is this about? And I had to do a little bit more inquiry, and I had to really get my ego to shut the fuck up so I could see what was going on underneath this internal kind of bitchiness. So I ask that if you're listening, you listen with a very generous assumption, and you also listen with an open mind, because I'm gonna share like the gnarly shit that goes on inside my brain sometimes, because at the end of the day, I'm a fucking human as are you. And so as I share this personal story about how I had to do a little bit of my own shadow work in relation to Mel Robbins recently, which is so interesting, because I love the woman like I do, we're going to get into that in a moment. But as I share my story, I'm going to also ask and invite that you think about how this might play out in your relationships. And it might not be a relationship with someone who you actually know. It could be like in this scenario, someone who you follow a celebrity. It could be someone that you have never actually met, or someone that you look up to. And I'm just going to ask you to look at how this could also be playing out for you, and to just invite yourself to always go a little bit deeper and have a bit of curiosity about the gnarly, unhinged, rogue shit that happens in our minds and before, before you do the love and light like, oh, I don't judge anyone, and I'm all love and light, and I never Think bitchy thoughts. I never think judgy thoughts. I've transcended any of those. That is bullshit. We are humans, and because we are humans, we have an ego, and we have so much gnarly shit that goes on inside. It doesn't make you wrong, it doesn't make you bad. And if there's anything that this conversation can do, it is to normalize the, quote, darker sides of ourselves, the internal part that isn't love and light, that isn't, you know, positive mindset and reframe and CO we've coached ourselves through it, but to look at the internal pieces that are actually a bit cooked, right? So if you've ever had that feeling of like, eye roll, or there's someone who you just can't stop watching, even though you say you can't stand them, or there's someone who, every time their voice, their name is mentioned, you feel this internal like, like, this internal ick, if there is an ick, a cringe, a judgment, an internal bitchy comment, anything like that. That's what I'm going to share today, and I'm going to share the full circle moment and how I got to have a look at a mirror that actually gave me so much clarity, so much inspiration, so much insight back into what it was that I was actually missing and that I had been feeling a bit lost with for a while. So today's episode is about the shadow work that I had to do with Mel Robbins. And if you're watching on YouTube, you can see that I've actually got her book in front of me because my big fat ego was like her book, but I went and bought it. I've been reading it, and there's just so much gold here. But to before I go into like, why it was Mel Robbins that sort of triggered me a little bit. And I use the word triggered very lightly, like, it wasn't like I was full, it wasn't like a full dysregulation. It was this slight internal, like, and this feeling internally of like, Oh, why her name again? Or when people mentioned her, it was this internal process of, like, an eye roll that I just felt, and I was like, Oh, that's so interesting. So before I get into that, before I unpack that and explain the shadow work that I did, what it meant, how it got me to more clarity, how it actually helped me in so many ways, I want to explain the background or context that is going to make this make sense for you. So a bit of background, a bit of context. If you've been listening to the last few episodes of this season, you will know that I have shared, I've been in a little bit of like a messy middle season. I've been in a season where I just feel like I'm not 100% where I want to be, and I feel like there's been this frustration, and with that, a reoccurring frustration of mine. Has come back to the surface that I haven't actually had to look at or deal with in years, but it's my forever Achilles heel, and it's this problem that I've had. I've always found it really difficult as a person. I've always said I feel like my personality is split in half. I feel like my values are split in half, and a lot of the time I don't know how to make these two oppositional sides make sense. And to give this like a more concrete example, there's a huge part of me who loves big energy, like I want to be on stages. I love talking. I love podcasting. I've just built a home studio. I love big like I wanted to be as a kid. It was like, I want to be an author or a singer. I did musical performance. I was always a soloist in a choir. I love big fat energy. And when I was a kid, I used to even I remember my first boyfriend, second boyfriend. I remember my second boyfriend, like we were, you know, raised in the country, and we were little country folk together. And I remember saying to him, Look, when I when I finished school, like, I'm out of here. I'm not even going to stay in Perth for long. I'm probably going to go to Sydney. I'm going straight to, like, Oprah territory. Like, I'm going to be straight in Sydney. That's me, like, big shiny lights, like big fucking let's go energy, lots of ambition, lots of like drive, lots of big energy. But then the other half of my personality, which is a half that's been like, having its real moment, especially lately as I've been striving towards motherhood, there's this other part of me and that other part that is so so strong is this little feral country Bogan that I probably always will be, that half the time goes, fuck that like fuck technology. I want to go back to that. Like half of me at the moment, is literally looking at properties back home and going, Oh my god. Am I gonna move back to Albany? Am I moving back to my hometown to have kids like that sounds actually beautiful. That sounds so wholesome. So it's like half of me is bright lights, ambition and like, big, shiny things, and the other part of me is like, I never want to fucking touch touch technology again. I want to throw it all in the bin. I want to move back to the country and feed chickens and raise children and have this really simple, wholesome life. And so I've been sort of in that, like, oh, like I want to, and I haven't been able to, until very recently. I haven't been able to, very recently merge these two and find a way for it to make sense. And then the other thing that I'd been sort of challenged by, and this has been something that's been ongoing for me pretty much for my whole life, as long as I can remember. So I've always been a big talker, a big writer, and my background is writing like I was a literature teacher before that. I did law, I did journalism. It's a lot of creativity, a lot of writing and a lot of academia. Like a lot of I did degrees. I'd never stopped studying. I always performed pretty well academically. So I've got this ego, if I'm fucking honest, it's this annoying ego that's like, and this is what I'll unpack in a moment. It's this shadow side to myself that I had noticed and really worked on in the last probably 10 years, like when I walked away from law, I had to be like, Oh, this doesn't look as good. This doesn't make you look as smart. Like a lot of my ego was tied up in being the smart one, or being perceived as smart, being perceived as smart or Brainiac or academic, or whatever it might be, and I did a lot of work on that in the past. However, sometimes the way that it plays out for me in business is that I'll go to say something or write something, right? Whether it's a piece of content or a piece of like a podcast episode, I'll go to say it, and then I've got this niggling voice that's like, Oh, that's so basic. Like, that's so basic, doesn't surely, everyone knows this, or like you're past that, like, really you're gonna still explain limiting beliefs? Or really, do you still, like everyone knows this. This is so basic. This is so day one. This is so fundamental. Like eye roll, that was the kind of feeling that I had when I'd go to write a lot of content, and so what I would often do is overwrite and over explain. And what that would do is, actually, sometimes it could probably confuse my audience, it could make me go on tangents, and it just takes me away from saying the fucking thing and making the fucking point, which is what you need to do in really good messaging. And I know that, but it was like, this ego flare up of like, Oh, is that really so basic? And like, but there's a nuance there, and I should explain the nuance and this other angle to it. And, oh, but this, and oh, here's the dot point nuance, and here's the contradictions to what I just said. And like, here's a million ways to perceive this one thing. And it was almost like I'd over complicate things, right? So background, that's the background of. A few little things that have been niggling at me for a while, like, Okay, how do I make these two parts of my personality coexist? How do I make my ambition and my love for slow, wholesome living and like the country and all of that? How do I bring them together? This is a very messy season, and also, if I'm honest, there's been this like part of me that I've been trying to find my place inside of the thought leadership and content space. But every time I'd go to write something, it was like, that's so basic. Like, surely everyone knows this, and I would cock block myself from just saying the thing, right? So that's the background. Now, where does Mel Robin come into this? I believe that when the universe gives you not one, not two, but maybe three signs, it's like, fucking pay attention. Like one thing might just be a coincidence, two things in a row, it's like, Whoa, this is actually a pattern. And then three or four things, it's like, okay, I'm meant to be paying attention here. And because of my background and the what I do with clients and what I'm trained in, I'm always spotting patterns because our patterns are where our shadows are, our patterns are where our subconscious identity is. Our patterns tell us a lot about who we are and what we need to change. But also, I started to recognize this little, tiny pattern probably about four months ago, where I was coaching inside of one of my group programs, and once or twice, a client actually mentioned Mel Robbins. They were like, I've been listening to the Mel Robbins podcast, and she said, XYZ. And I was like, Cool. But then at the same time, I just felt this internal like Mel Robbins like, and then, if I'm honest, it's probably ego like, Well, are you listening to my podcast? Like, my podcast, my podcast talks about similar things, and it's this underlying, like, it's almost like an underlying competitiveness, I suppose, which, again, because this was just mentioned once, I didn't really think much of it. I just thought, Oh, that's cool. Like, I don't personally listen to that podcast, and I never actually, really have, maybe because it, yeah, for lots of different reasons, I haven't actually been in a podcast listening season, but I've actually never listened to her podcast, even though she's actually someone that I quite admire and look up to. So it was really interesting that I had this, like, oh, listening to the MEL Robert podcast. Like, cool. Like, there's just this internal, little bitchy sort of tonality that came out. And I was like, Oh, that was interesting. And then that happened again, another client mentioned Mel Robbins, and at the same time, Mel Robbins blew the fuck up, because she had this book launch. She was on Oprah. I saw Oprah interviewing her, and I was like, like, internally, I was just like, why? Like, why her? Why is she going on? Mel Robbins, like, I was looking at the book, going, let them, like, oh, like, so groundbreaking. This is what my internal dialog sounded like. If I'm honest, it was just like, oh so groundbreaking. Like, I don't get why this is so popular. It's so like, it's just so duh. Like, let them and so that's what was going on in my head. Then my best mate, one of my best mates, was like, Oh, I'm actually reading the Mel Robbins book. I'm really enjoying it. And I said to her, because obviously, you know, there's, there's no holding back with with my best mates. I was like, Oh my God. Like, what the fuck why? Why is everyone so obsessed with Mel Robbins? I probably didn't say it quite like that. And then I said to her, fucking L, I've got to do some shadow work on Mel Robbins. And she's like, Oh, what do you think that is? And I was like, Well, the story that I've got internally and the narrative inside is like, Oh, that's so basic. Like, let them How can that be a number one bestseller? How can that be on Oprah? Like, to me, that's just so like, yeah, let that, you know. And I was just like, it feels so basic. And I said to her, all right, I'm gonna have to do some shadow work, because this isn't the first time that her name's been brought into my field again and again and again. And the same time that I've had this internal like Mel Robbins, blah, blah, okay, so feeling this happen a couple times. I was like, All right, it's time to go into the shadow. Like, what is this about Breanna? And I really sat with it, and I was like, Mel Robbins is everything, and has done everything that I would love to do. She's got the book deals. She goes around doing book tours. She spoke on Oprah. Her podcast is one of the number one performing podcasts. And I was like, there is a lot there. And instead of fucking being a little bitch, why don't you just sit the fuck down be a student and listen to a podcast for a moment. I listened to a podcast for a minute, and there was the first little lesson, because, remember, I'd said one of my things was like, Oh, why does everyone listen to her podcast? Like, what's so special about it? I listened to an episode, and I was like, she's fucking amazing. This woman is so amazing. She's just, I love her. Like, I actually love her. And then I was like, well, of. Course, she deserves to be one of the best podcasters on the planet. The research that she puts into it, whether that's her team or her, I don't care, she's an incredible communicator. She does a lot of research into her topics. And you can really, really tell that she holds a great space, and she has this beautiful, beautiful way of being able to still be this really down to earth, beautiful, grounded, human, like I think she might even be like small town. I don't know where she's from in America, but I think she is that exact thing that I see myself as. And I love how she's able to go through all these huge, big things. She's on Oprah, and then you see her just bumming around in her active wear, hanging out, going on a hike with her family, on her social media, and I'm like, she is actually such a fucking expander for me, and actually, she's showing me everything that I see as me. But haven't actually expressed yet. Haven't fully expressed, haven't fully actualized, haven't actually gotten to the level that I want to, and there was, there was a lot there. So when I listened to her podcast, I actually started taking notes. And I was like, right? How can I improve my podcast? How can she show me things? How can she teach me things? How can I actually let my ego just step to the side for a minute and just fucking listen up like a student? Because there's actually, and this is what the shadow work is, right? There's often when we've got this judgment towards someone, or we've got the ick, or we've got the cringe, or we've got something going on that we think is about the person outside of us. It's never about them. It's about what the fuck is going on internally. And when I look at her, she is actually everything that I see myself as I see myself like I said I'd been struggling with, like, how do I let these two parts of me coexist? I'm a very down to earth country girl. I love that I always will be that. And I have so much fear when I started, like, Will I outgrow that? Am I going to change? And newsflash that never happened. I never changed. I seek home more now, and nothing changed, but I didn't know how to make ambition and all of those other pieces coexist with it. So here's this person, Mel, who I see as a lot. She has so many parts that are similar to me, and yet she's found a way to let those two worlds collide. She's found a way to let her ambition and her book tours and her big production studio and her keynote speaking coexist with this beautiful, wholesome, nourishing country life, I think. And she's a beautiful mom, and she's very present, and she's, you know, she rocks up very down to earth. She hasn't to me. She hasn't lost sight of her values. She's just like I said, everything that I see in me. But she found a way to make these two things coexist, where I made them kind of wrong, and I was confused in how to let it happen. So the more I sat with her, the more I actually listened to her podcast, looked at a bit of her content, read her book. That's another thing. That's a whole other piece there. The more I was like, oh, there is so much here that she can actually be the biggest expander for me in showing me how these two seemingly contradictory parts actually get to coexist, which was so huge. And now I'm like, Oh, thank God. I just put my ego to the side for a second, because it's given me so much clarity. It's given me so much because for a little while there, my story was, I don't know what I want, and this is what I do. This is my pattern. My pattern is, as soon as I get a little bit confused, I go, Oh, I don't know what I want, I go into this victimy, not victim. It's definitely not a victim space, but it's this, I don't know. I don't know what I want. And that's always been, well, not always in my 20s, that was my go to when underneath it was the truth. And the truth was, I know exactly what I want. I just don't know back then whether I had the guts to actually go for it. And now it's I actually do know what I want. I just didn't know how to make them coexist. So here's someone who had shown me the way. Thank you. Thank you that I could see my ego playing out, and then I could go into the shadow. So the other thing is, I said to my friend, oh, so what do you think of the book? And she was like, I love it. I love how down to earth she is. I love the way she speaks. And it's just a really nice, easy read. And I was like, God damn. So here it is the book, if you're watching along on if you're watching on YouTube, this is the book. I haven't fully finished it yet. I've only just started. I sat down when I had my lunch before I recorded this episode, and I was like, it's bloody great. It's really good. It's so good. And yes, it is very basic, as in, let them it's nothing groundbreaking, it's nothing revolutionary. But that's the magic. This is what the lesson has been here for me, if you want to speak to the masses, if you want to appeal to the masses, if you want huge impact, if you want book deals that sold millions of copies. That speak to so many people that Oprah believes that you're a great candidate to talk to, because so many viewers, listeners, readers, would relate. Then you kind of need to speak to the masses, and to speak to the masses, you actually do need to simplify things. You do actually need to speak in layman's terms. You do actually need to keep it simple, not try to revolutionize it, not try to sound smart, not try to make it anything that you actually do need to be accessible. And here's my big fat ego, who for so long has been going, Oh, that's so basic, oh, that's so surface level. Oh, I'm so beyond that. It was all fucking ego. It was so much ego, and I don't think I was able to really articulate it, or find the language for it, or just see it in such a clear way. When I held this book in my hands and went, this is actually brilliant. She's taken something that is so basic and she's made a whole book out of it, through beautiful storytelling and through allowing stories to relate to the common man. And that is the magic. That is why it's touched so many people. And for a little while there actually one of my support coaches in my business has said to me, that's your fucking catchphrase. Breanna, that's your catchphrase. The answer is both. Because I often say the answer is both. When people ask me a question, I'll be like, well, both are true. Both can be right. Both both deserve a seat at the table, or both can coexist. And that's, you know, something that someone has said to me, like even clients have said to me, let me guess, the answer is both. And it's like this little joke where I'm like, yeah, it's both. And I remember my friend Courtney, who works for me, saying, that's your thing. It's like, the answer is both. Let that come across in your messaging more. And it's like, yeah, why can't I something like let them, which is, you know, nothing groundbreaking, nothing revolutionary, but so helpful, so impactful, such a beautiful little phrase or anchor for people when they notice that they're gone into people pleasing, or that they notice they're giving too many fucks about their mum, their brother, their sister, their neighbor, the fucking strangers from high school that they knew 20 years ago to just go let them like it's that beautiful reminder that everyone can access, and that makes that really quick reframe. It's magnificent. And so there was a lot there when I just observed my reaction to the book where I went, Oh, you've been making things too hard. You've been your ego has gone. I'm above this. And anytime you start to think that you're above this is when you're about to get slapped in the face by the universe. Is when you're about to get reminded that you're never above something. And the second you think that you've outgrown something, you're above it, and you've gone into a superiority complex, you're about to get your ass handed to you. And so I am so grateful, so grateful for a shadow work and B that I was able to recognize when my ego was playing up, so that I could do the internal inquiry to get this gold. Because at the other side, what I know is so many things. There is magic in simplicity. There is magic in simplicity and making something accessible to the millions. If that's actually what you want, if you want a book deal, a number one podcast, then we do need to make things accessible to the millions. And trying to be smart and trying to be convoluted is not the answer. So there's been a lot there. There's finally an expander who shows me it's possible to have huge ambition. And these book deals, which obviously I've always wanted, like I've always wanted to write, to be paid to write, to be paid to speak. She has done it, and she shows me that you can do it with this really down to earth, homely, beautiful, motherly. I'm not going to say Bogan, because she's definitely not, but she's just an everyday person who's allowed that to coexist with huge success. So I've now got an expander, and there's just so much that has come from this. So my invitation to you is to start to recognize your ego. When your ego is at play, you will notice the same things I did. It will be those signs where it's like, even though you say you don't like someone or you're not interested, you do keep watching their stuff, or when people say someone's name, you find that you've got this internal ick or resistance or judgment or defensiveness, anything of that nature is A beautiful red flag or a green flag, I would say it's not a red flag. It's a green flag, like, let's go. Let's look into this. Let's go into the shadow, because there's something here for me. And that's when we find so much clarity, so much healing, so much expansion, so much when we stop saying the problem is out. There that they're the problem, they're to this, they're too basic, they're too this, and where our judgments are actually an invitation to hold up the mirror and go, What is this here to teach me? What is this here to teach me? So that was my lesson. That's what Mel Robbins has taught me, the trigger that taught me so much, and I'm so grateful, because what a beautiful human she is, what a great speaker, what a great what a great podcaster, what a great writer, what a great human and what a great expander and role model for how two seemingly oppositional identities get to coexist. So I hope that this helped you. It does feel like a slightly vulnerable episode, because I'm just sharing the gnarly parts of my internal dialog. But also I know that every single human has it, and if you tell yourself you don't, you're fucking lying, you're lying. That's that's all it is. You're a human and you have an ego, and that's why this stuff comes up. And it doesn't make you wrong or bad. It gives you something to inquire about. It gives us an opportunity for growth, an opportunity for insight, an opportunity for clarity. So thanks, Mel Robbins, that was that was great. If you liked this episode, please, please, please subscribe, and if you haven't already, please leave a review. It helps me so much, and maybe one day I will be like Mel Robbins, or I'll be on her show, or I'll have her on mine. And you guys can be like we helped you do that, and you were here for the whole journey, and you were here for the whole ride, and all of the messy, middle, gnarly bits that make us human along the way. So please, Like, Subscribe, share all of the things, and I will see you back here next week. Bye, thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get, and I know that is going to be so powerful for you listening. So if I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You