Say It Anyway: Sex, Shame & the Rise of the Nuance Police with Rebecca Antonucci

In this week’s episode of The Mind School Podcast, I sat down with the fiery, unapologetic, and wildly entertaining Rebecca Antonucci, and let me tell you...We went there. 

We talked about:

 ✨ How the online #bossbabe space has become like a popular Mean Girls school-yard. 

✨ Rebecca's story of overcoming Herpes shame, and her experience disclosing to new partners. 

✨Gross, wounded, icky things women are doing online that are actually demasculating men (PREACH). 

 ✨ Why the “mad at men” era is keeping women stuck & disconnected.

 ✨ How to practice vulnerability in bite-sized, doable steps (instead of faking it).

 ✨ And yes… why women faking orgasms is actually sabotaging their relationships.

Rebecca doesn’t sugarcoat. She doesn’t play nice for the nuance police. She says the thing most people won’t, and that’s exactly why I knew I had to bring her on.

If you’ve ever dimmed yourself online, held back your real opinions, or feared being “too much,” this conversation is your permission slip to stop playing small.

🎧 Tune in here 

And warning: you’ll probably walk away equal parts entertained, convicted, and ready to burn down every fake performance of “being palatable.”

Love,

 B

As always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

I am joined by the beautiful, by the fiery, by the amazing Rebecca Antonucci, who I have been absolutely frothing lately online. And so I'm very, very, very excited to have this conversation all things, speaking your truth online, dealing with the nuanced police, wounded women projecting all over the place. And there's just no one better that I want to talk to about all of these things than you. So thank you for being here, Rebecca, and I'm so excited to have you. Oh my god, thank you for giving me even more of a permission slip to my already unfiltered expression. Let's go. Let's go back before we go there. So we are going to talk about the things you've been talking on your socials lately, lately, which is seeing all these women that are projecting a lot of pain, particularly on men, on the online space. And I want to go back to the version of you who may have also, which you've shared on your on your podcast, being that person who was angry at men, and let's start there, like, Where did your story start, and what was your pain at one point? Yeah, such a beautiful question. I was bullied horrifically in high school, but by women. I went to an all girls high school, and I didn't know what nervous system safety is, or what even a woman searching for safety in the world is, I didn't know that that's what all humans are, basically looking for external of themselves, but true safety lies within us. So from being bullied by young girls, 1415, 1617, years of age, I then went and got a boyfriend, thinking that one man might be my safety when I'd marked prison as dangerous, and that relationship ended two and a half years later, really abruptly, and through an act of physical violence, he punched me in the head with a closed fist, knocked me unconscious. And that was our relationship done overnight. And that was incredibly terrifying. It evoked a lot of shame, a lot of thoughts about what is wrong with me, what is so bad about me? Maybe if I was different, if I was prettier, if I was skinnier, if I was blonder, there's something about me that makes me so unworthy for a man to have done this to me, and that was the first real pain that had occurred with me, with the masculine and from that place, I didn't realize that I was scared of them, and I went on this quest to try and create safety for myself through my physical body, and that's where I got into disordered eating and really changing my body dramatically through fad diets. And then I ended up 25 years of age, really in love with this beautiful man, and intimately we just couldn't connect to the level I desired to connect at. And after many years of trying to speak to him about that, and feeling really denied and really shamed and really ignored, I ended up leaving him for another man, and that man passed on an STI to me, the herpes virus, and he promised me that he was STI free and had received a doctor's certificate, apparently the week before, and I trusted and believed in him, and when I was on the receiving end of a shock, shame Herpes diagnosis, it really felt like the only thing that I really could try and find value and safety in, which was my physical image. It felt like that had been ripped from me. And from that point, I feel I unconsciously, subconsciously said to myself, men are the problem. Men have done this to me. Men have hurt and harm me. Men have made me feel so unsafe. And from that place, I was really, really mad at men. It was so easy for me to point and blame them, because I just felt like a vulnerable version of me had offered myself so fully and innocently to someone. I was an in zero place of knowing about personal responsibility, and I really felt like they had inflicted this pain on me, and if it wasn't for them, I would be in a different place in my life. Yeah, that is like a shame sandwich, layers and layers and layers, which is why I think it's I think it's why I see you as one of the most embodied coaches in the space, because to walk through the hellfire, I'm sure, of those levels of shame and come out the other end to where you are today is just a testament. But I want to talk about what that actually looked like, internally and externally, for you to actually get to a place where you were able to heal that relationship with the masculine. Yeah. I mean, just witnessing so much pain, my nervous system goes into fight, and so that's totally okay, but then that fight projected outwards onto other people, it can create a lot of destruction and a lot of conflict and a lot of destroyed relationships. And ultimately, I love love. I would love a lot of love in my life. And I got to a place of realizing the thing that I'm protecting myself from, like my pattern of fighting the external world to keep myself safe. Well, yes, maybe no one could no longer hurt or harm me. I had like brick wall boundaries, the electric fence boundaries no one could penetrate this, this field around me when it came to crossing my back. Boundary ever again. No one was ever going to raise a fist to me. No one was ever going to disrespect me. I was very sure of that, but in the process of being so strong from a period of time of being feeling so weak, it's like I overcompensated. There wasn't a lot of love in my life, there wasn't a lot of intimate relationship in my life. There wasn't a lot of aligned relationship with men, when ultimately, that was really what I desired the most. And so I got to a place of realizing me now trying to protect myself by throwing the pendulum in the opposite direction. Prior, I felt like I had no voice, and now I've got a voice that's so loud it's basically screaming at everyone. There was no space for harmony, there was no space for relationship, and there was a lot of conflict, and just witnessing conflict happen all over my life, I got to a place of realizing, well, what was happening prior wasn't working, but what I'm doing now is also not working. So where do I want to go with this? And instead of, you know, when we point three fingers at one finger out, there's always three pointing back at us, instead of being almost in this victim mentality, I had a teacher say to me, once your victim energy, Rebecca, doesn't look like victim energy, because you do it from such an egoic, strong place, but it's still a victim that was just such a heavy pill to swallow, because I'm like, you would never call me a victim. There's no way. But this energy and this thought process of, well, the girls bullied me, and you know, I didn't deserve that, and that he hit me. I didn't deserve that, and he gave me an STI and he lied to me, I didn't deserve that. It was still coming from an energy of, I am a victim, and they did this to me, the coming to a place of self responsibility and really looking at all the places I allowed, it doesn't make mean what they did was okay. But there was a place where I didn't advocate for myself. I didn't know how to advocate for myself. So from that place, I really wanted to take my power back and no longer be a victim to my circumstances or my past. And that was a point that I desired change far out. I reckon there'll be so many people listening who will resonate with I've been the strong person, because deep down, I'm actually petrified of letting someone in. I've heard Tony Robbins say before, most people will settle for good because they're petrified of love, or most people, it's most people will settle for connection because they're petrified of love. And ultimately, when you decide to do this work, you've got to let love in, which is also scary. So what fears came up for you when you realized, Holy fuck, I actually need to drop this strong girl identity and maybe soften what were the fears that you felt? I think a pretty normal one is, Oh, someone can hurt me again. Yeah, because for as long as the boundary was so high, there was no opportunity to be hurt. I have to be vulnerable. Now, vulnerability felt very, very terrifying. Maybe thoughts and fears around rejection is easy. It's easy to be rejected for your mask, because they're not rejecting your true self, and as soon as we are just our fully expressed authentic, this is me, and someone says, Well, actually, I don't want to be a friend, or you're probably not the woman for me that can feel really edgy, because no longer are they saying no thanks to to your ego, they're saying no, thank you to you or no, thank you to me. And that felt pretty terrifying for as long as it was coming from protection, it felt like, Oh, no one can reject who I really am because she's locked away in a box. So I think really authentic fears around the true self, not being good enough to belong, whether it's with a man, or whether it is with a group of women, she really was like, I want to find the place in the world where I'm safe and I'm loved and I'm chosen, and yes, internally. But a lot of my clients say this to me, I don't want to hear the story about you have to love and accept yourself internally. I want the man. I want the friendship group. And so to fear that if I was my true self and I still didn't fit in. That felt really terrifying to be with. Mm, and you've mentioned, vulnerability was one of the first things. What would be the other steps, I suppose, or practical advice you'd give to someone who's like, I feel a little bit cold out here. I've got this protective wall up. Vulnerability might be the first thing. Is there anything else that you would say to these women who resonate, as in how to start practicing vulnerability? I always say baby steps like a little edging process. Start with where it feels a little edgy and a little scary, but not so terrifying that your body's having a full reaction over it. We spoke about the herpes virus being one of part of my journey, and so to have that word come out of my mouth, when I saw on the other side of me saying it, Breanna, would say, I don't want you to be on my podcast. I'm repulsed by you. I don't want people to know that I know you. That was a huge fear of mine. So the word. Would would get stuck in my throat. So I had to really practice that in small ways. It started with even just being able to say the word to myself when I'm driving in front of the mirror and just get really practiced with like, Okay, I'm safe, to be able to have that word come out of my mouth. Then it was okay. Who is someone safe in my world that I could say this to that isn't an intimate partner, when ultimately that's what I really desire, and that feels the scariest place to say it. I start with a very close friend and then a personal development group, and then I started to edge further and further than a male friend who I would never be intimate with, but represented potentially me telling a man on a date. And so I started to practice expanding my vulnerability in places that still felt scary but safe enough to see that I would be okay and prove to myself that on the other side of me sharing Breanna is like, oh, Beth, thank you for sharing. You know I still love you, right? I can't believe you didn't tell me this sooner I would have been here for you, and the more that I was hearing that because acceptance was the thing that my teenage girl was searching for in women and men. The more that people said, oh, Becca, I wish you could have trusted me sooner. I would have been here with with them, for you every step of the way. The more that I could hear that, the more I started to evidence bank that more people would want to love and support me. And then my body started to feeling feel safe in the authentic expression of me, I just got full goosebumps when you were saying that. Did you ever have an experience where you did disclose and you were rejected and then that confirmed your worst fears? Do you know what? No, not once, not ever, my hardest disclosure was my first, yeah, because I'd gone through a in my mad at Men era, I hadn't told a lot of men. I was, you know, they say hurt people. Hurt people. I was repeating the pattern. I'm going to do what everyone else did to what men did to me. I'm going to go and not tell anyone you don't deserve to know. Until I started learning about guilt and shame, I started to feel guilty for not truth telling. Yeah. And then one night with a friend, we ended up sleeping together, and I had declared I would never, ever, ever, not disclose ever again, and didn't expect this to happen with this particular male friend. And I'm always a commitment to my word that's really self trust is really important to me, so to do what I said that I would never do again felt like a total betrayal and abandonment of self. I went through this whole process of, oh my god, I had to tell him, and I didn't. So no, now what am I going to do? I'm going to have to go back and tell him the truth. And so that was a really hard disclosure, to tell him the truth when I hadn't, and in the moment, he was so beautiful about it. He kissed me on my forehead. He said, Don't sweat the small stuff. But he was a police officer. Afterwards, he went to straight to Google, which is everyone's biggest fear when it comes to the herpes virus. And he was worried about the next woman that he'd slept with, and potentially him passing something to her when he didn't even know. And so a pretty like triggering text message about what I could have done, what I could have done to her, that in the past, when it was illegal to not disclose this could have been classed as grievous bodily harm, and it was the most shocking. It was a text message I never wanted to receive, yeah, and almost solidified for me why I would only ever tell the truth again. That was probably my hardest, my hardest experience when it's come to a disclosure far out. And so you mentioned, like, this was kind of back in your like, mad at Men era, which is what I want to sort of talk about at the moment, because we've talked a little bit, and I've commented on a few of your posts lately where I'm just like, yes, the mad at Men era seems to be something that a lot of influential, popular people with big platforms, in my mind and in your eyes, maybe where everyone's got their own perception. But to me, it seems like a lot of people are angry at men and projecting all over their social media, and you've had some really amazing, interesting perspectives on this. And I imagine, like you've been in the mad at Men era, so you can spot it when you see it. What have you been seeing? And how do people spot when something is coming from wound, as opposed to, like, wisdom? Yeah, yeah, it's so funny, because I'm just seeing a few very popular podcasters have very aggressive opinions, and it's very much at men and men are the problem, and almost women with some maturity behind us now and getting really mad at younger men as well, and pointing at them like they're the problem, and there's going to be violence thrown at women, and women are going to be subject to so much harm, and conversations around narcissism and oppression and and I feel that number one, it really it's so interesting, because one of this, one particular woman, I. I started listening to her on some other podcast she's been on, and she basically contradicts herself all over the place. She says, We can't force people into one box. Yet she in this particular conversation around men. She really, really does, I feel what it does is it takes the power away from women. We're desiring men to be tradition, if some of us, some women are desiring men to be more traditional in their relationship values and take on more of a provider role. And this could lead to hurt and harm if we weren't empowered as women, if we didn't have a voice as women, the only way for that to lead to hurt and harm is if we don't do the inner work to have a voice, to have the conversations, to know how to set boundaries to talk about the kind of relationship dynamic that we're getting into with another man. And so what I really don't like about this conversation is it puts all of us into one category, and really takes the power and the voice away from women, and basically says men have the power of man. If a man wants a traditional relationship and he is a provider that's going to create so much hurt and harm for all of us, because he could use that as abuse. He could and he could also not. It's gotten wild, the words that are being thrown around financial abuse, narcissist all these things, it's it's scary to me, and it makes me feel so sad for well intended men who have done great things with their platforms, and are just getting absolutely slammed. Well one of my pictures, he actually says, because in our workshops, we create a lot of space for the full expression of the human, and a part of that is our like primal, wild rage and expression and our sexuality. And he often says, well intentioned mothers beat the innate essence of the man out of the boy because they don't want him to be like the man who hurt and harmed her. And so almost with these women, mm, I feel like they're repeating trauma. Trauma has happened in front in in their eyes, to their mothers and these women, these podcasters have talked about it. Man is not a financial plan. This man left the mother at certain age and left her with hardly anything. It makes sense that you would see the world through that lens if you haven't done the work to heal. But now, if you're trying to beat that out the part of the man that wants to provide if you're trying to beat that out of the young boy, because you've decided that's dangerous, you're now turning men into women. But men are not meant to be initiated by women. Men are meant to be initiated by healthy, healthy, healthy men. And so these traumatized women with large platforms just I don't want to rant, but I find it really dangerous. Yeah, I agree. And I have to say, like there was a part of me when I was watching because you were talking about it openly, it was clear, like these women have huge platforms, huge and I was almost watching your take on it, going, fucking respect. Because here's Beck, who's taking on big names and just speaking your truth. And for me, I was like, whether I agree, don't agree, whether I'm left right in between the fact that you're able to just say your piece, regardless of who it's going to upset, who's going to call you out on the nuance of what you've just mentioned it. It was such an embodiment of you speaking your truth. And I know for me, I've been scared of because I have some pretty, shall we say, like, controversial opinions that would possibly get me canceled online. How have you gotten yourself to this point where you're like, I'm just fucking saying it, and I know that there'll be 10,000 nuanced police that come at me for what I say. Well, I it just to me, is like high school all over again. It's like the the pretty skinny, cool girls with their hundreds of 1000s of followers have their opinion, and because they can just rip someone a new one in any moment, they're the loudest, so that therefore we're all just going to agree with that person. To me, it just goes against everything that I believe in. To me, it's just online bullying all over again. It's a schoolyard in Instagram, and so I'm just not available for that. And there is multiple opinions to any one topic, and what makes any person right is I had very specific opinions about covid, yeah, and I ended up having big fights with people, and I kind of regret because of what a waste of time and energy it was, but I just got down to a point of realizing with covid, whether I believe, whether I agreed with you or not, ultimately we all wanted The same thing, everyone to be healthy. So when it comes to these very, very opinionated women, I'm like, what do we all ultimately want, even though we've got a different desire to get there healthy relationships in the case of this particular woman, but there's going to going to be 5000 different ways for someone to have a healthy relationship. And. Her way that she believes is healthy, I'm sure is toxic for another person trying to use her blueprint and the way that I believe, I'm sure it's unhealthy for a certain person as well. But there is not just one way, and just because all popular girls with all the followers doesn't mean they're right. Mm, and I'm not going to suppress myself just because someone can rip me a new one on the internet. So what you do it today, everyone will forget tomorrow, or definitely in a week. So true. How do you, especially as a coach, and you're, you've been coaching for a few years, so I'm, I'm making assumptions here, but your skill is like seeing multiple perspectives and understand, essentially, we understand the nuance of the human experience. Have you ever been held back in your content or in your voice or on your podcast by that ability to be nuanced and yet still hold an opinion at the same time? Well, my my thing that I always come back to is I'm not here to tell you what to do with your life. I believe my entire role is to connect you back to what is true for you, even if it's total opposite of what I believe. Mm, the complete total opposite. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm not here to tell you what your truth is. I literally can't I can't hear that voice that lives within you. I have no idea what's going on in your internal world. I can reflect what I hear. I can reflect what I see. I can witness your body. You know, our bodies are walking, talking library. I can hear the tonality of your voice. I again. Can reflect that back. But to tell you what's going on internally within you is not my role. Therefore I'm that. I feel like that's the anchor that I always come back to. I have my beliefs. My beliefs make a lot of sense based on how I was raised, the life that I've lived, the trauma that I've been through, and who, just who I am and who I desire to be as a woman, and that's going to be so different from you, which is going to be so different from every single one of my followers, but my community, my role is not to tell you. My role is for you to self, source your own truth. And that, to me, is always the win. When you come back to oh, I can hear what is true and feel what is true. For me, that's the win as a coach, yeah? So it's like, apply your own nuance. Yes, yeah. Because for this particular woman, this is really true for her. And as well, we can always change, even for myself. On this in this conversation around providership, I've had to really explore how much of my desire for a man to be in his full providership, how much of that is coming from truth, because that's my actual truth, and how much is of it is coming from trauma, because of money, trauma from my childhood. So I'm constantly self reflecting to come back to a deeper truth that lives within me. Does that make sense? Absolutely, it's a breath of fresh air. And you mentioned that your role as your coach is not to give answers, but to help people source their own truth. Have you noticed any red flags online, with these big platforms or things that other women need to just be conscious of that might be happening online, where people are going to get answers from some person, influencer, like, what are you noticing? Yeah, I love the conversation that resentment can only occur when they're self betrayal. And I've been listening to a few of these. I really love this concept. I can only resent Breanna if I've self betrayed Rebecca, I can be angry with you if you do that crosses my boundary, but to be resentful I've betrayed myself. That, to me, was a huge epiphany when I first heard that, and I've been listening to some of the bigger podcasts. Obviously, I have my own, and I've been flying everywhere. So in the in between, I download all of these episodes just see what some of the top podcasters in the world are doing, and they have Q and A segments, and what I hear with each of these podcasters is, in the Q and A the podcaster never, ever invites you back into discovering your own truth. She just tells you the answer, and that's her answer. And so my issue with that is, if I ask Breanna a question, and you tell me the answer, and I go and apply that answer to my life, and it creates an undesirable result. Who's to air quotes blame. I've literally come to you. You've told me what to do. I've gone and done what I think you would do, but is it actually what I want to do? Mm, and that's I feel like women are asking questions and handing over authority to these people with these platforms, without coming back to well, what's really true for me? And that's what I love about now. These women are podcasters. They're not coaches. My role as a coach, so that's why I never, ever, ever tell a woman what to do, even with the herpes conversation, should I disclose? Should I not? Well, I think you should do what's in your highest alignment, but I can't tell you what's in your integrity and what your internal moral compass is tell you right from wrong. It's your right from wrong. Some people don't disclose because Australian doctors tell you, legally, you don't have to in. Feel very righteous in that. Who am I to tell you that you're not righteous in that it's your internal moral compass. But as soon as you start feeling guilt, and you tell me that you're feeling guilt, I can reflect back what the guilt is pointing you towards, and then maybe you might like to choose differently. Mm, that's where I think we're going wrong. We're handing out our authority to other people. Other people are making decisions for us. We're doing what we think they would do versus what's true for us. And our life is now being steered by someone else, but we're resentful because we're self betraying. Mm, yes, it's so funny. I didn't actually know that this happened, and I recently, similar to you, it was like, I'm listening to a few of these big podcasts, seeing what they're doing. And it was, I can't remember which podcast, but I had my jaw on the floor because this person wrote in saying, I've cheated on my husband on a girl's trip in Thailand. I woke up in bed with another man. I think I've gotten away with it. What should I do? And these women were like, well, you've gotten away with it. Don't worry about it. Like it's all good. And that was as far as it went. And I was like, gosh, there's millions of downloads on this podcast. My jaw is hitting the floor. And it's again, that thing of like outsourcing, our voice, our truth, our power, to someone externally in a completely different position. And I know you've also spoken about like women outsourcing or not even knowing how to express needs desires, and that can then, because they don't have the tools, come across as complaining like there's this whole thing around not knowing how to express your needs, know your needs, express your truth. And I wanted to touch on that. I wanted to have a conversation around what you're noticing when women don't feel like they can express their needs. How is that manifesting in relationships, and what's the frequency that we need to look for to know that there's something internally that we're outsourcing. I love this question. If I ask a woman What does she want? Nine out of 10 times, I was saying this to one of my masterminds this morning, nine out of 10 times, a woman will tell me straight away what she doesn't want. Mm, and when a woman is not getting what she wants, it's very easy to complain about the thing that she's receiving that she doesn't like. That's a in my opinion, it's the least vulnerable way to go, and it requires a least connection to self, because if I turn around to a woman and say, Well, say she's talking about her male partner. I'm not getting my needs met with my male partner. Our intimacy isn't deep enough. The conversation is surface level. And this is something that I've spoken about was a frequent complaint in past relationships for me. So because I talk about it, women confide that specific and so I'll say to them, Well, what would you really love? And they'll look at me like, wide eyed pause and just not say anything. And I'll say, well, but if you could really ask him what you really desire, what would you say? And they'll look at me like, I don't know. I don't know what it is that I want, but I know what I'm getting is not yet. So the easy place to go is the complaint, but the vulnerable place, and even if it was, I know that I'm not getting my needs met, and this conversation isn't hitting a place that I want to reach with you. And I don't even feel so vulnerable for me, and really scary to say, but I don't even know what to ask for. I just know what we're experiencing right now, isn't it for me that, to me, would would create an opening for potential and possibility, versus you don't do this, right? You don't do that right? Complaint is the easy place to go. There's no self responsibility in complaint. There's no vulnerability in complaint. There's not a lot of create like, there's no opportunity to create connection for both people in complaint. There's just protection and guard and push away almost, saying, I'm not safe to have my needs met, but so I'm going to complain and keep your arms length, because it must really open my heart and ask what I really want and need that could be really vulnerable and terrifying for me also to almost a full circle back to the original piece of Tony Robbins saying people will settle for connection, because the thought of True love is terrifying. So true. And if there's women that are listening that are like, But Rebecca, I actually don't know what I want. I don't know what I desire. Maybe it's sexually, maybe it's in life, maybe it's in business, maybe it's career, maybe it's like, I don't fucking know, but this isn't it, and I think many of us have been in that position in the past. What are the practical steps to to get those pieces of answers about, okay, this is what I might want. Yeah, I love that. So number one, just normalizing how common that is. I don't know what I want. I just know that life right now is not it. Have no idea what I want to do for career. The man isn't here, the relationship isn't here, the money isn't here. I don't know where to start, and I don't really know who I am. And so connection back to self, for me is always the first place. It's it feels like the least practical, because our logical mind will be like, Well, how do I make money? What do I do for a job? Should I go out and do go on a different hinge day every week, the masculine is going to go straight to LA. Logistical but action with self is not from a logistical place. Connection with self is a very feminine experience. It's a very emotional experience. And so what I would invite any woman into if she's resonating with this, is I would ask five of your closest friends to describe you in three words, like the the truest part of your signature essence not be who you are. And so say, for example, for myself, I'm playful, alive, passionate, and I get, like, OTT obsessed with things when I really, really love something. It's like four parts of my unique signature personality that make me so me, so my invitation for the woman would be to to get three or four parts of her and start to think about, how is she pouring water onto the seeds of her essence? Because we get caught up so much in the doing of life that it creates so much disconnect from the truth of who we are. And then we end up in our mid 30s wondering who the FMI. And once we realize, Oh, my God, my soul has been malnourished for so long I haven't poured any water onto my aliveness, onto my playfulness, onto the part of me that gets OTT obsessed with things. Once we start pouring water there, more of us will come alive. And when we come alive, more of our past will reveal itself, whether it is attracting a man, whether it is an opportunity in career, or a passion that comes alive, that you want to turn into a career, but when our soul feels so malnourished, that's a place that I always recommend that you go. I love that. I've loved hearing you talk about everyone's soul essence. What have you been doing lately? I know paddle is a thing. What have you been doing lately? To pour into your aliveness, your playfulness, your OTT like, what is? What is Rebecca doing now? To pour into her essence, literally that, because I started to look at my life, and my life is like, literally the jackpot to a past version of me. And I still felt very rigid in it, and I still felt like, Why does something feel like it's missing, even though I am living my version of a dream life right now, and I'm I was pouring water onto being a hard worker and to being healthily disciplined, you know, into getting getting after it, Having the successful business, building the team, running the retreat, doing the workouts every day, like accomplished, determined, driven. I had all of those seeds more than water. They were overfed. And when I realized, well, my aliveness, my play, my passion, is hungry, that's when I decided, Okay, I'm going to have to no longer overfeed those, the hard working parts of me, and bring these pieces alive. So lots of paddle, lots of paddle and salsa lessons are the the current two places that I am. I'm my paddle is my primary one. I like I said, I get OTT obsessed. So even my team are like, Beck, we didn't know what paddle was and then we started sharing things. We started watching things. And now my entire explore feed is paddle reels. It looks so good, to be honest. It looks like it looks like squash. It's kind of like, I love racket sports, tennis, badminton, squash, pickleball. It's like another a racket sport on a smaller court. It's really fast, it's really fun. There's an app you can connect with people all over the world that are playing it. I'm like, I'm going to get the outfit. I'm going to I'm going all in. Rebecca's actually closing a coaching business, guys. She put it on did you put it on your Facebook today? I'm done. I'm like, I put it on Facebook. I was like, I've quit my business while I focus entirely on my pedal career. Thank you everyone for your support. Do you know what I have to say? I actually was watching your messages to your dad, like, Dad, wake up, dad, support your daughter. It was so fucking funny. And I remember thinking, thank you, because you actually activated a part of me that I forgot was same as you. It's like I've been watering the business, watering all of those things, like doing the fertility, like all of this stuff that essentially puts you into your masculine and I saw this, like, hilarious, playful OTT person come out in you. And I was like, Oh, my god, yeah, I haven't been doing that either. And where's my jokey, where's my laugh, you know, all of that. And I wonder, like, was there a point for you, especially because you're an ambitious person, you're a boss, babe, you've done so well in your business. What kind of ego things come up for you when you're like, Oh, I might pull that back a little bit. Do you know what I love entertaining people. I love it. It is, and it's the feedback that I get all the time from my social media. You are so funny. My ego thing is, oh, that doesn't generate clients. That isn't a call to action to sign the next lot of women up to true transformation. That is, I'm entertaining people, but that isn't adding value. Or dollars or clients to my business. Yeah, is it? Is the part of social media that I love the most. Yeah, it's almost started. I'm like, a part of me is like, well, maybe you'll be a comedian in 10 years time. Is where it starts. Like, legit. I love it. And then another part of me, the other part of my wounded, he goes like, you started too late. You should have been doing these funny posts 10 years ago. Everyone like, I've always loved personal branding. Now everyone's like, Oh, AI gotta be a personal brand. So there's a part of my personality is like, you skip you miss the boat. You should have started your personal like, you could have gone harder on your personal brand and been further along right now, you've been posting on Instagram since you were 21 you could have had 100,000 followers by now. All of that kind of quality stuff comes to play, but ultimately, I love entertaining people is what I enjoy the most about Instagram, and I wouldn't be surprised if that's actually the reason people fall in love with your page, binge your podcast and want to work with you, because they're getting the you and it's, it is. It's like watching it is an entertainment. I will say it's very fucking good. I love it. There's a part of that's what I mean, the playful part of me, she just comes alive. And that when I'm in the must hit. I set that seven figure goal for this year, and I was thinking about it the other day. I was like, one of my one of my teachers said to me, Rebecca, what if you just did the same as last year? Like, what if you made $575,000 mm, enjoyed life more, instead of, like, squirreling to the million and it just being this year that you grilled through, which worth it to you. And I was like, that is, I'm my personality doesn't agree, but my heart is really going to walk away and think about that. And so I've had to just walk away and start asking myself, what's really important these Instagram numbers and dollars? And I never set out to be like, I'm just in business to make money. That's never been my thing. Like has always been my expression. So I'm really looking at all the places I'm robbing my expression. Oh so cool. I can't wait to see what happens. It will it will be the eight figure business the year that you just start entertaining. It'll happen probably. I would love to finish this up with some kind of funny rapid fire questions. I also want to say thank you so much, because I love this conversation. I love your entertainment, I love your essence, and I think you bring so much magic to the internet. So thank you. Let's do some rapid fire if you had to accept mediocre food or mediocre sex for the rest of your life. Which one would you go without I would? I would go without food. Mediocre food. Give me bread and butter all day long, baby. But good dick, of course. I thought you might say that if complaining was an Olympic sport, which would you take gold in? What would you take gold in complaining? Oh, oh, what's annoying me? Number one, complaining about complaining about myself, complaining about time, not there's not enough time. That's probably that one just gets me and the nuance police online. They're just, they're, they're probably my biggest complaint right now, this thing, they're so I think they're a reflection of myself, and just seeing them rip apart good humans, just because I feel differently to them, it just, it really annoys me. Just seeing them as wounded women create and making the world unsafe for men that are trying to be great. Just pisses me the off. Preach, preach, preach, preach. What is one thing women should be doing more of in the bedroom, speaking their needs. Mm, really asking for what they want and never faking orgasms. Never, never, ever. I never have in all of my life. I never, ever will. And the amount of women that keep telling me that they're faking orgasms, I'm like, You are literally sabotaging the relationship that you think that you're saving, because now you're the liar. He thinks he's right. He thinks there's connection. He thinks you're fulfilled. And then you're going back to your girlfriends, telling your girlfriends what he can't do. Oh, helping the relationship. Don't do it. Don't do it. Just No, never, never, ever, ever. It should be Girls Code, women's code. We do not fake orgasms. Preach again. This could, this could be your first stand up comedy skit, by the way, something to do with this. What's one thing that women maybe coaches listening could be doing more of, or that you would invite them to do more of in their business. So show up more. I think we all think that everyone's watching us. No one's watching us. We're all watching ourselves and thinking about our last post and how many likes we got and what people what we think people thought of it. And so I was saying this to some of my clients in business this morning. You've got a shop. With so many gorgeous things that people want to wear and try on and buy just no one knows that you've got a shop, because you're not telling anyone you've got a shop front, and you're not telling anyone you've got a door so you've got this shop, and you're wondering why all these things are in your shop that could be purchased. No one knows to buy from you. So do the inner work to feel safe within yourself, to take up space and let everyone know that you forgot a shop, and go so far the opposite end of the pendulum become the annoying person that's telling people about your shop all day long for a year, I promise you, a bank balance will thank you. No one will care. But even if you're the annoying person on the internet, if you're the annoying person on the internet with hundreds of 1000s of dollars in your bank, do you really give a if someone makes you annoying, some person that doesn't pay your rent, doesn't pay your bills, doesn't pay your mortgage, do you care what they think of you? No, once you start getting paid for your authenticity and you start creating results with the people who love your authenticity and your fulfilling work creates impact for other people, you will not care about the people who find you annoying, and you'll actually see it as a disservice not to sell it because you see the transformation. Yes, yeah, if you had to choose between no sex or no paddle for the next 12 months, which one? Oh, wow, I born again virgin era. So I think, based on results, I think I would maybe choose no sex for the next 12 months. Just paddle. Well, I'm I'm really upset. Well, number one, I can have sex with myself. Yes. Number two, you didn't say no kissing. So I could definitely meet my person, and we could have dates and intimacy. We could kiss, we can have massages. It would be really frustrating, but we could definitely form an incredible connection that could sustain the rest of our lives. But I could also play paddle at the same time. So I think I would stick with the born again virgin era and play paddle. Wow. I wasn't sure about that one. I'm nice, nice. Well, I mean, it's August, and I've been going strong since December, yeah, so now we're entering the blue ball era, and you'll be the champion of the paddle world. This energy's gotta go somewhere. So you'll be getting a sponsorship with Nike, next paddle, Nike. Oh, good. Nike starts creating dildos. This is what we're going to use as the advertising for this podcast. Rebecca, thank you so much for being here. You're a breath of fresh air, and entertainer all the things, and I really appreciate this chat. Oh, that was so fun. Thank you for having me. I can't wait to share You're so welcome. Thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get. And I know that is going to be so powerful for you listening. So if I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You.