Letting Go of the Life You Built to Find the One You Want, with Rayne Bryant

Hey legend,

You know that moment where you look around at your life and think… “Hang on. I did all the ‘right’ things. I ticked all the boxes. So why am I not happy?”

That’s exactly where Rayne found herself.

From the outside? She had it all.

From the inside? Her heart was literally breaking.

In this conversation, Rayne shares:

 ✨ The day she realised her marriage was over (and the symptoms her body sent her first)

 ✨ Why women stay in situations that don’t light them up – and how to get unstuck

 ✨ The difference between “existing” and truly living

 ✨ How to grieve a life you thought would make you happy

 ✨ Why authenticity isn’t a hashtag – it’s a daily practice

This isn’t just a chat. It’s a raw, radically honest, permission slip to stop settling.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, numb, or like there’s something more calling you – you need to hear this.

🎙 Listen now

Because sometimes… the breakdown really is the breakthrough.

B x

As always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx

Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

I am joined by the beautiful rain, who, I must say, she's just appeared on my Zoom screen looking like Elle Macpherson. And I'm like, what the L, you're so radiant and so gorgeous. So welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have this conversation. Oh, thanks, Breanna. It's so lovely. That was just saying to actually meet you, yeah, like, see you and talk to you. It's like you feel like you know these like you feel like I know you, but I don't really, but it's Yeah, social media is weird, like that, isn't it? It's like, I know you, but we've never actually met. So this is really cool. And I have been researching, preparing, getting ready and excited for this conversation. And something that I love hearing you talk about, and you've been talking about it in your podcast, is grieving a life that you thought would make you happy. So I'm really interested in this topic. I think lots of women can resonate. But I'd love to know what's your story of this, what is your story of thinking that you had it all sorted out, and then realizing that wasn't it. And for me, it was interesting, because even looking back like I was never one that dreamed of the marriage. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I never dreamed of that the big wedding. And you know, some of my friends knew what wedding dress they were having, or where they were getting married, and how many people, but I really just flowed with life, with what made what made me feel good at the time. The biggest thing for me was that when it wasn't going the way that I wanted it to go or thought it should go, letting go of that is it's the hardest thing that you'll ever do, whether it's you know, anything in life, jobs, partners, babies, family, but letting go of something that was your big overarching why you're like this was my purpose. My dream is to know be a wife, and all the things that go with that, letting go of that, I think what not what people don't speak about, is the grief of being able to move through that and see it as a loss. And I just wanted to really bring attention to that, because I see so many, you know, women more tapping into the guilt and the shame of not being what they wanted to be. But when we actually realize that it's something that we get to grieve, it brings a sense of peace to it. So what was the scenario that you sort of woke up in and sort of had your own moment. What was the context there? So I ran my life with gusto. I was a high achiever. I wanted to be really good at everything that I tried. Wanted to be the best wife, the best mother, the best athlete, the best cook, you know. And what happened was I kind of woke up one day, and in my mind at that time, I remember rolling over in bed. He had said something, and I remember thinking, He's got no idea who I am. Like the man that I'm married to has no idea like who I am. Because whatever he said, I can't remember it. It was just made me feel so alone and so lost. And at that time, that was the crushing part. It's like, how could I spend, you know, 15 years with someone who doesn't know who I am? And that was kind of I had. There was many, many moments leading up to that, and many moments after that, before anything actually happened. But it was, how am I going to now become someone that isn't in this identity role right now, not that it's even making me happy, not that it's making me fulfilled, but it's an identity role that I took on for many, many years, and I was really freaking good at it, you know, and the rain now can reflect and think, Well, no, I didn't even know who I was back then. Like for me to roll over and be like, Oh, he doesn't know who I am. Me reflecting back now with all the tools and growth that I've been through, is like I didn't know who I was. So how did he even know who I was? He just wasn't validating all the roles that I had taken on to make myself mean something in the world, and then it just kind of spiraled from there, really, that's huge in so many ways, and heart aching, I suppose, to have that realization. So you're in a marriage. You've worn the label quite proudly of wife. You've done it really well. You've got the children. At what point did you actually decide that you were about to change directions of your life? And what was the how easy or hard difficult? What was that like? There were quite a few moments. And the reason why I allowed it to be quite a few moments, and of course, I wasn't perfect either, was that when I really reflect a lot of those kind of behaviors, and moments were happening before we even got married, so I'd kind of normalized it, but it did get to the point where I actually developed a heart condition. So I developed something called AF, and I remember a big incident had happened, and I had taken the kids out of the house, and we'd gone over to rottenness on a friend's boat come back, and I sat on the couch, and. Heart was out of rhythm, and it was the weirdest feeling. I was like, coughing and I was short of breath and and I called my girlfriend, who was a doctor at the time, and she's like, come over and I'll check you. And she's like, get straight to emergency, like, right now. And I remember in those moments, even that evening, going home and being like, Look, I've gotta go, you know, to the hospital. Got to go to emergency, and he just was like, I think, like hunger or in like something, I had to wait for my mum to come over so that I could have someone take me to the hospital. And, yeah, I remember lying in hospital the next morning thinking, oh my gosh, this is my body yelling at me, like I've known that. This is a undercurrent of my life that I need to address, and now my heart is literally breaking to stop me from just continuous, to push it uphill constantly. So that was my pivotal moment. It wasn't a like a brave moment, get out of bed do anything like do I wish that I had the moments where I had better conversations and being brave enough to address it even harder and do the work on myself in those times? Yes, of course, you know. But also the rain back then couldn't have done that. She needed someone to literally smack her over the head, break her heart, for her to even consider a life that was outside of this, this thing that she created. Wow, that's so massive. And I think there might be many women listening who maybe are in similar sorts of scenarios. Maybe are in maybe unfulfilling relationships, unalive relationships, in this season of who am I, who are we? Is this even working? Am I fulfilled? And I know I've had lots of conversations you probably have too, I'm assuming, with clients who they want to leave, but they won't for their kids. And this is a conversation that I hear so many women, wives, mothers, have with themselves. What was your experience in that time. It was probably the reason why, you know, we try for so long, which is not a bad thing, but it does take. It's not a bad thing if you're having the conversations and you're doing the work as you're in that process, if you're just sitting there, biding your time, doing nothing, but you know, existing like that is really damaging, not just for your soul, but I truly believe it's damaging for the children's soul too, because we're not experiencing joy and wholeness and fulfillness and being inspired and being creative and showing them love and showing them connection, which For me, you know my kids witnessing people in love and looking after each other and having that connection is one of my biggest, biggest values, and they weren't getting that. And so to those women that are in that it's like, do your work, do your work, not knowing what the outcome is going to be, do your work, not knowing that you have even control over what it might look like, but your gift to your children and possibly to your marriage, because I know that it has reconnected inner work has reconnected a lot of marriages, just as much as it's broken them up. Doing that work is the most powerful thing you can do for everyone around you. Existing is not powerful. It is avoidance. It is excuses. And I get that it's hard, but doing that, taking one step forward is the powerful step, whichever way that ends up and looking. But it's almost like you just have to surrender that, that end result to whatever is meant to be in this lifetime? Did you do some work together before there was a separation? Was that something that he was receptive to tried? I was always doing my work, yeah, always seeing my Reiki therapist I had done since I was 22 years old. I was always reading the books. I was always doing little courses. Was I implementing that in my life? No, because I found it scary knowing that that would not be met, knowing that that was judged, knowing that I was, you know, on a different planet. So I kind of did it for myself, and we tried the normal counseling road, you know. And both of us had had counseling before, and by the time it got to that, though I was remember being so resentful that I was not open to anything. And I remember sitting in the counseling just being like, this is such a fucking waste of time, which is not the best attitude to go into counseling. But I honestly did. And the way that, because I'd done so much work, I felt like I was going back to ground zero, and I was just sitting there like knowing almost every word he was going to say, every generic, you know, tool that he was going to give us to try again, not the greatest marriage counseling, but that was definitely my experience. And, you know, I think a lot of women that I speak to, even they're like, Well, I'm not making the call. He's. Got to make the call. I'm the one that is telling that's the problem. I want to know that he wants to do this, so he needs to make the call, right? It's just another reason excuse not to do it. Just if you are willing to try and connect and build this marriage up, make the freaking call and do something about it, like right now, but you have to be willing. And you've obviously had this moment where the heart says No, literally and somatically, the heart goes, fuck, do something. I will make you listen. And you said, now, in hindsight, you didn't even know who you were. So what did you do? What was your experience? How did you come to discover who is rain. For me, I had to have space from everything, unfortunately, which is kind of why the marriage ended. I with the tools I had back then, I couldn't do that discovery whilst I was within that not because he wasn't willing to hold me. Maybe I wasn't brave enough, I don't know, but it like the heart thing went on and off. Every time I had an emotional breakdown or something happened, it would go out again, and I was back in hospital getting electrocuted to get it back in. So I just knew that no matter what happened, like I needed my space and I needed to center. I need actually allowed myself to have a breakdown in Reiki. Call that the breakthrough. But I I allowed myself to be on my floor, just letting it all come out, just, you know, having my somatic screams and, you know, crying for days, and allow I like everything that I'd held in my body for so long, I allowed it to go out. And from that moment, I feel like that's when I had the clarity of, okay, this has to be done. Again, different rain then to I am now, would I have made that same? Is that done? I don't know. I've only got the tools now. I didn't really have a lot of them back then. And a lot of the work that you do now, which obviously is so deeply influenced by your story, your uncovering, your unraveling, your breakdown and breakthrough is around helping women to find their version of authenticity. I've always found that such an interesting word in a world where we can be anything, and we are all things, and we are able to create whatever we want to create. What is your definition of authenticity? And how do you help yourself and others to find whatever that word is? So I well, I have workbooks that I do take people through so and lots of words and lots of questions like, what would you be doing if no one's watching? What do you journal about? You know, all lots of things, but the way that I see authenticity is the ability to hold yourself and your values, not your like outward values, but your purpose, your heart in conversations unapologetically. It's the ability to know who you are and and be in a group and still be able to hold that self, that opinion, that trueness of who you are, rather than bending and waving to make people like you or because you feel guilty or you don't want to upset anyone. You know, I think the authenticity word is thrown around a lot. It's like the manifestation and authenticity all these words, right? That can mean so different thing in many different things. But to me, it is knowing your heart outside of all the identity pieces that we have put on ourselves simply to belong or to seek love or to survive. It's like, Who are you without all those labels? What would you really be doing? How would you actually be showing up? Do you want to buy a house, or do you want to pack up and go into a caravan and go around Australia for a year like, like, what does the little girl inside you? What does she want? How often do you use your little girl to navigate through your adult woman life, I touch base with her a lot because also I have a 15 year old daughter and, and when you have kids that are in their teens, it forces you to touch base with your little girl, like, what was I doing at her age? How was I? Oh, my God, I remember that happened. And, and you're constantly being reminded of these, these memories. And I work with her a lot, simply because in all the work that I do, it's her that actually needs to feel safe, whether it's in this business. And, you know, I put a post out there, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, people are going to judge me. People are going to rip me apart. And I go back to her and and maybe a time in my life comes up, and maybe it doesn't, and I'm like, it's safe to do this, like we are safe, like we are not going to get teased, and I was quite bullied most of my school years, so that always comes up with the judgment. But yeah, I work with her a lot. I really enjoy working with. Her. It's it shifts a lot of perspectives. For me. Do you do a lot of the inner child work as well at home? Yeah, it's funny. I'm laughing because, as you were speaking, I thought I resonate so much. I I've heard years ago everyone talking about their inner child working with their little inner child. And I was like, Nah, my inner child solid, my little teenager, she's not okay. She's not okay, and I have similar stories. People don't want you to talk so much. Girls were often the ones that created a lot of the pain for me. So it was like, Can I trust women? All of that stuff definitely came through. I think for me, there is a fine line between knowing that your little girl is there and you can connect with her, you can talk to her. You can love on her, but at the end of the day, knowing what woman it is that you're stepping into, so that you know which one's taking the driver's seat. And I think that's the part that sort of you're saying, is that some, maybe some women, don't know who the woman is yet that they want to be who, or maybe they're in, like you said, the season of, Oh God, this isn't it. I thought this was meant to be it. I've ticked all the boxes, but I'm not yet in the next phase. So how do I know who is in the driver's seat? Because I don't know what to do. So you obviously went from one phase of life to now you're coaching and you're helping other women with that. How did you sort of discover this is my purpose. This is my heart. This is what adult me wants. After you did all that emotional experiencing and somatic release, it took me to go on a retreat. I was forced to go on this retreat. I'm forced by me, like one of my mates, who also coaches and mentors, and he was like, you have to come on this retreat. But interestingly, like even before that, what happened was there were moments in my life where I would have this, oh, okay, I might try that. Oh, okay. This feels really good and aligned, or this feels scary. So even with my Reiki master, like I studied Reiki when I was pregnant with autumn, who's now nearly 16 so 15 years ago, yeah, I've decided I've been in this world for a really long time. And then I did my Reiki two twice. And the second time I did it my Reiki Masters like you are actually meant to be doing this, like you really are meant to be helping people. And I was like, Really, I don't ever see it. And then someone else pushed me. Jen McMahon. She was brilliant. She's like, you have a gift. You actually have to be doing this. And she set me up a little tent at one of her wellness I think, like festivals down in Scarborough. Yeah. He's like, that's your tent, and you're gonna go do this. So I literally set up a little tent with a table and a screen, and Autumn sat at the front just taking, like, names for 15 minute slots for Reiki, literally, it's so funny. And then covid hit, and I just took everything online, and it was just one step, and then the next step, and then the next step. And I'd started my group coaching program before I'd been on the retreat, but most of my life and the pivotal moments have actually been quite forceful for me. And not so much a gradual, a gradual becoming, like it's always been there, like the self help stuff for me, but to actually get me to step into it, I feel like the universe was like, bang, you've got to leave your marriage. Bang, you've got to become a Reiki therapist. Bang, you have to go on this retreat. Like, like, and it just kept going like that, until I'm Yeah, until I'm here today, doing what I'm doing. What were the narratives or the resistances? The narratives and stories that you had, you know, when your Reiki Master said you need to do this, and you were like, really? I think there's probably lots of women listening who also have an inkling that they want to do something, but there's so much resistance. What did your story sound like? Mine was that one, no one's gonna know what I'm doing. They're gonna judge me like, it's feeling like, w2 it WTF, like, whatever. But also, I think I had made, like, completely made my identity about around being the strong one, the one that everyone came to, the one that I could hold space for, like anyone needed help, I'd be there, be there for their kids. That, for me, it was more about being seen in this new light, which was like the therapy light, which was the coaching light. I was like, what if no one actually likes me? What if no one actually comes and I had to do a lot of work around my teenage days of like, getting bullied because of my persona was like the leader and the strong one. But as, you know, as a therapist or coach or mentor, it's about connection. It's about being able to connect in with people, which what was what I was doing anyway, but just without the vulnerability piece. I'd also created quite a large following on Instagram because I was a finance broker, and then I built a house, and I actually got my own builder's license to do that. I then started a restaurant, and I ran and managed the restaurant in and out of having kids. So I'd built this Instagram following all. Around what I was doing, and nothing around who I was. And that was scary to actually go from even influencing in the end, because I had the large following, I kind of fell into influencing to going, Okay, now this is me, like, lots of deep breaths, lots of deep breaths. That is so monumental when there is so much secondary gain from the thing that no longer makes you fulfilled, whether it's you get the followers, the popularity, and maybe our little 15 year old girl wants that. So the 15 year old girl's validated by the the numbers, the likes, the whatever the influence. And there's so much gain there that to then throw it all away and do this Reiki energy stuff is such a testament to your courage, such a testament to your courage. Because I can imagine how hard that was to walk away from. How did you go from people won't like me, people won't get me. I'm throwing everything away, to where you're at now with your coaching business, what were the things that practically helped you? So the retreat was the one that really broke me open, because it was they locked me away from everyone for six days. And it was plant medicine. It was trauma, trauma release, breath work. It was journaling. It was lots of education, lots of coaching, you know, ice bars and stressing your body and somatics. And it wasn't until I broke away, you know, no phones, nothing from the rest of the world, that I really went inward. And I was like, What am I doing here? Like, what do I want? And for me, even the Instagramming and the blogging and the influencing, I'd convinced myself that I was doing that because I was a single mom, you know, very much. You know, left the marriage with no money, and it was providing me an income. So there was a part of it that made me feel safe, you know, that kept feeding into the fact that I could have my hair done, and I could get my nails for free, and I could go to events. And yes, the ego loved it, but also the ego was convincing me that I needed to do it because I love those things and couldn't afford to do it myself. So there were so many aspects of me that had to die. Did they all die on that retreat? No, but I remember walking out of the retreat and the coach said to me, right, it's time for you to start showing up. Now, like properly showing up. And I got home, and I picked up my phone, actually, I would still have the Instagram story on there, and I just said, this is me. Now, this is what I'm doing. This is what I love. This is what I'm shedding. And you're going to see a very different rain around here. Did I see heaps of followers drop off? I was like, yep. But the moment they did, and I didn't have that like fear in my body anymore, I was like, that is absolutely fine. I actually welcome them to go, because I don't want anyone here that's not connecting with me. Was the moment that I was like, okay, yes, that's one next step into wherever the hell I'm going now. Whoa. So it's sounds like, I just want to make it clear, and if anyone's listening with their notes and going, Okay, this is the first step for you, it was feel it in the body, like really let yourself somatically experience the emotions and then take the actual action, which is picking up the phone, sharing something with your audience and taking so it's it's the both. And I think in the personal development world, the healing world, people can get very stuck in the I've got to always be healing and going back and looking over my past, and I've got to be trauma treasure hunting, and they forget that the transformation lies in the action. Do you have anything to add to that? Yeah, absolutely. Also, what happens is we don't give ourselves permission to become radically honest, like for me, yes, it took the retreat for me to be radically honest about the fact that I was not fulfilled and that my ego was running the show, and that I did want more from life, when we kind of push all those feelings down and just keep running on that hamster wheel. So it's like give yourself permission to, first and foremost, be radically honest about where you're at, what's lighting you up, what's not, and do that investigation, because it's we do need the light and the dark. We do need the vision of what we want, but also we only know what we want. Also, lot of the times when we've experienced something that we don't want, honesty pace the radical self assessment piece is really, really important too, because you'll know when you're thinking, you'll have the feelings in your body, whether you want to cry for your little girl, whether you want to be excited what's going on. But yes, as you said, the action piece like nothing happens without action. We can have in this world of self help and podcasts and Instagram and all this, you can get all this knowledge, but you have to turn it into wisdom. And the wisdom part comes with taking action. And the action part also creates this, oh my God, I didn't die. Oh my god, I'm actually okay, right? It creates that safety in the body that you can actually keep. Stepping in to something that's more aligned for you. I read on your Instagram, which I fucking loved, you wrote, you're not stuck. You're just waiting for a permission slip. You don't need what, what influenced you to write that? Well, it's the permission slip to go, okay, yes, I'm a wife and I'm a mother and I'm a lawyer, or I'm a this, or I'm a that, but I'm unhappy, and the permission slip is, but who am I and what do I really want? Like, is this bringing me joy and fulfillment, or is there something about my story that I'm living out day after day that is not in alignment with who I am, is not fulfilling, and the permission slip comes because when we're in that cycle, we think we have to be in that cycle. I remember one of my coaches said to me, I was like, I've gotta find a rental, and I've got my kids go to this school and I need this amount, and oh my god, it's so expensive. And he's like, we don't actually have to live there. I was like, I do, because the kids schools down the road and their friends are here. He's like, No, you could go three suburbs over and half your rent, right? Now, I was like, Oh, I can't do that. He's like, so where you're living is a choice, right? That's your choice. And it was this big aha moment because I thought, Oh, my God, if we can just look at everything in our life as a choice, like we might be on the hamster wheel. We might feel like we're a slave to our life. We might feel stuck, but the perspective is, like everything, we have a choice at some point in the journey, and when we own that, it's only then that we can start seeing our way out of it. And that's the permission slip that's like, give yourself permission to go, am I? What choices Am I making right now? And am I okay with these choices? And I feel like that's, that's the, that's the the magic behind the permission slip. Not like, Okay, what do you want? Let's go. But it's like, no, what choices are you making? Have a look. So powerful. I think that there is so much and there's a lot of people, especially if you know people who might be very much of the belief that they are the victim, which sometimes people are for a time, but how you choose to respond after being victimized, perhaps, is still a choice. And I think that the one of the most similar to your coach who said, Well, you're choosing this hardship sort of thing. Someone said to me once, but it was what you're not changing your choosing. What you're not changing your choosing. It's a similar thing. And as soon as I heard that, I was like, yes, and to to follow that up, I started to say, in the most empowered way to my I was a teacher at the time, I was saying to my students, what if everything is your fault? What if everything is your fault, but in the best way, everything is your fault. Your grades are your fault. If you didn't get whatever it is, don't blame. And the changes that you start to see when you say everything is my fault, or that's probably not the most empowered way to frame it, but everything is my responsibility, and therefore I'm actually the only one that can change my life. But there's still so much resistance to actually changing. What do you see with your clients are the biggest resistances, even if someone's going, I know, like I know people are self aware. They might be going I know I'm not happy, I know I'm not fulfilled, I know I'm not living my highest potential. I know I'm in a loveless marriage. I know, I know, I know, but I'll I'd rather stay like this and change. What do you sort of notice with clients is just the biggest thing that keeps them there. For me, it's, again, I'm not using the word victim, because a lot of people have been victimized, but it's the victim story. It's the I'm a I wore the victim story of, I'm a single mum with no money for a long time. That is the biggest story. And I think because I wore that story for so long, I get a lot of like, people coming to me with that story. It's like, you know what you've lived. You attract and because that becomes the story, what I what I want women to really and men to really understand, is when we hold on to that story, that's the only thing we can see. It's like you have these blinkers on. And in life, it's like, I've only got that amount of money. I have to be a slave to my kids. I've got to do this, and I've got to do that, and this is all I can do, right? And when we have blinkers on, you can't see anything outside of your story. You can't see anything outside of what you're living, right? And the one thing to be present is to not be living in the past and to not be living in the future. It's bring back to present, and in that present, it's like, how do I take responsibility for how do I be radically honest with myself? How do I give myself permission to even explore what life could look like outside of what I'm experiencing now? But the story, as you know, when we've been running it for so long, makes you feel safe. Mm. My victim mum story meant that I didn't have a lot of money. Like, when you're a victim to money, you can't attract more money, because the money doesn't know how to come to you. It just stays where you're at. You can't attract a good relationship, because who wants what quality man wants to be dating someone that has this like victim mindset. We can't attract experiences that are going to light us up fully, because we're running on this low vibration. And you know, that's also like, we get stuck on that identity. It's like, that's who I am, and that's how I have to show up as because that makes me feel safe. And again, it brings it back to that presence, and it brings it brings it back to that permission slip to go. Could things look a bit different, like, Could I actually look at life a little bit differently from here? But I feel like in my world, it's the relationship and it's the money thing that keep people really stuck in their stories. What would you say the same? Yeah, definitely. Money is a huge one, and just stuck in the narrative. And how did you move from the story is I'm a broke single mum to like, what money work did you do? You now have a thriving business. You're running your workshops, you've got your coaching. How did you change shift that narrative and what money mindset work did you do? I think I'm still shifting it. It's really, really interesting. But I work with I work with coaches. That's literally what I've done on top of all the courses and all the study that I've done. I work with coaches because they call me out on my bullshit all day long. I've done like, past life regression, I've done RTT therapy. I've done, you know, journaling and workbooks and meditation. And, you know, I still could meditate for an hour, hour and a half a day. I go through these phases. But the biggest thing that shift my life is having someone that I inspires me and look up to, to be like, stuck with your bullshit story. Yeah, this is how we can look at things, because you can't see your own blind spot. I struggle to see mine, especially when you're coaching and when, as you would be connecting with so many people, it's hard to see your own blind spots. Yeah, well, I guess it's so ironic, like, that's why it's called a shadow, because it's in the shadow, you can't see it. So what you obviously found a coach. Love your coach. Work with a coach. Work in coaching. Why do you love this industry so much? And what would you say for other people listening? Because the coaching industry is a funny place. It's got it's a funny place. And all industries, I often have this conversation with myself. I'm like Breanna. All industries have the dark and the light, and you've just gotta keep going with the light, because I get the ick sometimes myself in this industry. Have you had any of your own work to do in that space as a coach now, we've had to work through any narratives there? Yes, I'm like, I used to judge this industry so hard. Someone say, I'm a life coach. I'm about what, you know, like, I was like, like, What even is that? Like, this is life, which was really interesting to me when I stepped into this. But I think now, having been so obsessed, probably since 16, like, I started reading Eckhart Tolle at 16, I've done the Jerry and extra dairy and Esther Hicks. I've done Tony Robbins. I've, like done all the things for so many years that, until I got a coach, and it just made everything make sense, collapsed time for me because I wasn't doing it. And, you know, I think the other thing is, I've never had a boss. I've always worked for myself. So to have someone like not above me, but beside me, like, holding space for what I was becoming, keeping me accountable, showing me my shadow, pointing out my blind spots. That's what collapsed time. That was, like, the moment that I was like, Oh, this is how it's done. You know, some people, yes, absolutely can do it on their own. And that's like, it's incredible. But for me, that's what collapsed time. For me, that's what made everything move into this space that I almost didn't even know existed. But the coaching is, I think, also with social media, you know, and even AI, and all the things that are sort of starting to infiltrate, and all the, you know, 20 grand months and 30k months and like, that's the stuff that gives me the ick at the moment, whether someone's just made it for one month and now suddenly a money abundance coaching coach, right? It's like, holy shit. Which is, you know, all power to them, yeah? But I really, you know, in our industry, it's probably the one industry that will never die because to connect with someone on that level, on that really human level, to be holding space, or to be guided by someone who inspires you, who is you look up to, who has walked that darkness that you may be walking, right? That's something that you can't put a price on. That's something that AI will never be. Able to do for you, and it's certainly something that someone teaching you how to do 20k months without doing all the inner work, like, if you can't hold space for yourself. That when I was the victim Mum, I was like, There's no way that I was ever going to make that money if I would just invested in and I did, and so many business courses, oh my god, e commerce courses, I did everything. But that's why they didn't work, because I didn't know how to hold space in myself for that kind of for that identity. I love this conversation so much, and it's something that I could preach and stand on my soapbox for ever, because you can do all the strategy you can even I think about this in the context of and I know you've got kids, so maybe this will be something you've thought about. I think about it in the context of when I was a teacher, I would say some of the quote, most academic students so smart, so like brainiacs, absolutely gifted, talented, all the things, so clever, so smart, would walk into an exam and absolutely shit, the shit the bed, you know, they couldn't hold themselves. There was too much anxiety, too much pressure, too much head noise. The nervous systems were fried. And I thought, then your IQ doesn't mean shit if your EQ can't hold it. And that's when, of course, I left the system and went, No, this is we're doing this back to front. And then I saw the same thing in business women coaches, who were incredible coaches, could connect, but maybe didn't really feel that they could hold the money or whatever it was. And I thought, all the stuff that we do, the information that we consume, the the knowledge that we accumulate, it doesn't do anything if we don't have the emotional capacity, just like you said, to actually be able to hold it. And so the work to do is actually the breakdowns that you speak of. And I love hearing you talk about the breakdown being the breakthrough, until you allow yourself to do that, we're pushing shit uphill, energetically, totally pushing shit uphill. It was really interesting. You say that, because what's also just come to me is like, although my business is, like, really beautiful and abundant, and I'm so proud of everything that I've made, there's still that part of me as a little girl, or it's not even the little girl, it's probably the victim single mum that still feels broke. I voice noted back my coach, and I was like, God, it's just so weird. Like, how come I've got this and my taxes paid and everything's done, and I'm loving life, and, you know, we're going to Bali on Thursday, and I've got incredible clients, but I still, like, I'm looking over my shoulder for someone just to, like, rip all that money out. Like, so the work is really deep, and even subconsciously, before I started working with Beck, I would get the money in the bank, and then I just suddenly, like, spend it, hoard it. Spend it, right? And so the work with her, she's like, Okay, now we're going to change that pattern, and you are just going to not spend anything else. We're going to practice having it all in your account, and we're just going to look at it differently. And that sort of started happening about three months ago. So even to be able to that's a really not that's another live example of how I'm still working through my stuff. I probably would have stayed in that pattern for a lot longer, because my nervous system felt really unsafe to have money in the bank, because for so long I didn't Okay, quickly get rid of it. I was like, but it's not on me, it's not shopping, it's not I'm not excessive. But for some reason, my nervous system would find a way to have it Leave me. Yeah, totally res. I think money work, I think for me, has been the place that I had to do the most work. Coming into business, there was so much crap, so much I'm not materialistic. I'm not greedy. It was my ego trying to be this little I don't know whatever it was, and to sell, to show up and sell and ask of money, was such an edge, it wouldn't have worked until, like, same as you I got a coach who pulled me on my shit. Yeah, yeah, and the rest is history, as they say, yeah. So what would you say now? So you've gone through so many iterations of and probably won't stop. I'm sure the work never ends in the context and the frame of authenticity. Who is rain today? It's really interesting, because I was thinking about this this morning, you know, and it's still the one thing that's uncomfortable for me is the public profile. I still find that a little bit uneasy. And I was like, and I was, I was in meditation this morning, thinking, is it still authentic for me? Like, do I still want to be showing up? And then the you read a testimonial, and someone comes in and says, Thank you for your podcast. Okay, this is why I'm doing what I'm doing. And I think for me, it's a constant evolution. It's a constant check in of like, what is my intention with this? If I can show up on social media with intention, this is the message I feel I'm called to share or. Or, you know, this is how I can help someone. I'll continue to do it, and even my own podcast. I mean, I'm that calling has been a couple of years, and I've only just started stepping into it now. And I think the biggest thing for me is just trusting the process, because five years ago, I would have no idea that I was doing this. So as long as I follow my intuition, do my unblocking and my inner work along the way, like that is a huge commitment for me in in self care. I do it every single day, that I just trust that what is ever is unraveling is actually going to be larger than I can even imagine, because my brain is still like, I can't believe I've even been doing this and making money, right? So if I drop this whole idea and just trust that the bigger plan is bigger than I can imagine. It's only the next step that I'm really focused on at the moment, and bringing clean energy into that. So you said, these are the like you do those things daily, daily. You're unblocking daily. You're sitting with your emotions. What does that look like for someone who's like, Okay, I need to actually go into the shit. I need to lean into the inner work. What are some of the practices, rituals, routines that you do daily that help you to stay connected, lots, actually. So I meditate every day. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I won't, depending on what I feel like. But I really practice being present, like I love cooking. So even one of my mindfulness practices just being really present with cooking. And I love music, but the for me also, it's the ability to like when I say clean energy, it's like, clean up the shit, because I'm human as we all are. Like, I had a big row with my ex on Sunday, and it was the first time I'd felt shaken, emotionally shaken for so long, and I like, spat back, and I was like, merrima, and how dare you, and all this sort of shit and like, and I just like, I raged. So the work for me then was once I'd calmed and, you know, done some little bit of breath work and centered myself that night, my work was okay, so I he's done that, and he said this, and how disrespectful, right point point, point point, the work for me was like, Okay, what part of me still really cares about what he thinks, like, what part of me is getting triggered? Because I care about that opinion, then that's my work. It's not about saying he's the asshole or I'm right. It's about going, I'm triggered because of that event, but I'm triggered because I'm making it mean something about me and to own that, to the own that emotional part of it. That was where my work is. So when we say the daily work, I'm committed to working through all those emotional moments and emotional triggers as deeply as I can to bring it back on myself, not for to blame myself, to be like, Okay, where's my gift in this? Like, holy shit. I didn't even realize I cared that much. Like, why is this triggering me and then doing that work there, whether it's journaling or more meditation or, you know, a release, or even apologizing for a word that I said, Even if I think I'm 95% right, right, there's always something to find to apologize for, just to clean the energy so that I can continue to step back into life without dragging that emotional weight along with me for sometimes, week, months, years. I see people drag it, but I clean very quickly, and that's what my daily practice is generally on, is it's giving myself permission to meet myself where I'm at and then clean whatever been happening. I fucking love that. Thank you for sharing, because I think that's such a beautiful example of daily doing the work as it comes up. You know, we can journal, we can meditate, but it's in the moments sometimes after, because we don't have the consciousness in the moment. We just lash out and be human and all the things. But to have that awareness after to do the work, to me, that's doing the work. It's yeah, and the other things are so beautiful, complimentary tools, but that example is just so beautiful. So I really appreciate you sharing that. Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure. I'd like to wrap up with a few rapid fire questions, if you are ready to answer this, sometimes a little bit Shadow Work, kind of involved and Okay, first question for you is, what is something that you're deeply concerned about humanity right now, deeply concerned about people allowing themselves to stay the victim to their lives. It forces us to look at life a certain way. It forces us to look at life in fear. Forces us to look at life in with blinkers on, and when we are in those positions, we react, we're resentful, we're frustrated. We take the easiest way out. We look for people to tell us what to do, rather than touch in with who we are. So definitely, you know, people living life with as the victim, living in fear is the number, yeah, that would be the biggest thing for me at the moment. What is something? Think that you think your followers, your audience, might be surprised to know about you. I trained with WAIS for a year for netball. Oh, did you? That's cool. You know, actually, what they might be surprised as as I've had a partner for three and a half years, really? Yeah, yeah, I didn't know that. Keeping that one in the private sacred space? Yeah, I feel like Instagram and social media has evolved for me over the years, and I just need to keep it authentic and connected on my level. But also it feels good to have something for me that's beautiful. If you were to die tomorrow, what is something that you feel like you'd need to clean up before you left. Oh well, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty much I'm pretty good at doing the cleaning, probably all my debt, so I don't pass it on to my kids. Love it. When was the last time you looked at another woman in jealousy? And what did it actually mean? Oh, that's a really good one. Jealousy, I don't actually know. Again, the cleaning up makes me switch very, very quickly. Jealousy, I always if I'm to look at anyone jealous, it is, oh, there you go. When you on your beautiful camping trip with your beautiful husband, outdoor sleeping in the back of the car, sharing those beautiful moments, you know? And I switched that immediately. When we feel it, it is jealous, but then I'm like, okay, change the jealous to envious and go. That is representative of, actually, what I want to do more of in my life. Thank you for sharing. That's so interesting, because I always think people must think I'm such a feral Bogan, just such a bush pig in the van, dirty, filthy. But it's funny how many people go. And I think this is really telling about where society is at. Often people will say that to me, you make me want to go and do that more, because we're so disconnected, I think from nature, and I do think that there's something in that I always have the reminder when I get back into the van like shit, we're really disconnected a lot of the time. And I love that you share that stuff, because, you know, I still struggle to share a lot of behind the scenes of my life, because I've got kids and they don't want to be shared all the time. But I love that you do because it just shows that aspect of for me, inspiration like, oh, you can't do that, and you can work really hard, and you can go away, and you can have a loving relationship, and you can get off the grid. So thank you for sharing that I do find it really inspirational. Thank you. Last question, if you were going to stand in your fullest fucking power and own all of your gifts, all of your talents and your zones of genius. What is it that you're here for the world to do? And you know what just rung in my ear is Gabby Bernstein. See that for you. I am. I'd be like, wouldn't be her, but I'd be my version of her, for sure. Yeah, I see that for you. Yeah, I'm excited. So what's next? The workshops. I just did my first in live person workshop, and I want to make that into national workshop. I want to take that around Australia. That is going to be the focus. I've got group programs starting next month. So once I get that kicking up and running again, align and elevate, then I think all focus will be on this workshop. You can mentor me through it. Oh, I love the I love the workshops. It's so, yeah, it's so good at it. It's so good at it. Thank you. I think it's just like teaching for so long. It's kind of second nature. And also, and I don't know if you experience this too, after such a pendulum swing after covid to zoom screens, I started to get zoom fatigue, and I was like, get me out. But now I've kind of find, found a balance where I like a little bit of both. So I'll be interested to see how you find it. I totally agree with you there, even because as connection, one of my biggest values, it is hard. Most of my work is on Zoom. So get back in front of people like I did a couple of weeks ago. I was like, wow, you get to touch people and hug people and do embodiment work, yeah, and AI will never take over that either. No, I think coaching is actually going to get more popular, because, like you said, you can never, you can never outsource human connection. So it's very exciting time for us. Where can people find you? Where can people connect? Where can people come to your next workshop, wherever you're going, all over Australia, because we're manifesting that. So where? So I'm rain Bryan official on Instagram. My podcast is the pursuit of myself. It's only just in the infancy, but that's basically where people connect. I've got a website, my brand or my my business is myself, spelled mi self. But the website's not totally up and running yet, because I'm just, you know, the online space, apart from coaching, I'm like, let's just put that aside and let's just connect, and let's just work. So best thing is just a DM me on Instagram. Beautiful. Awesome. Alright, guys, thank you so much for being here rain. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved connecting and actually meeting you, I want to say in person, but on the Zoom screen, a zoom mate, yeah, yeah. So nice. Meet you. Thank you. Thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get, and I know that is going to be so powerful for you listening. So if I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button, or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You.