The Pregnancy Diaries: Gender Reveals, Hospital Tours & Irrational Anxiety

I just dropped Episode 2 of The Pregnancy Diaries and this one is juicy.

The second trimester has been a wild mix of:

 ✨ Finally feeling like me again after food aversions and needles galore

 ✨ The surreal moment of seeing my bump pop (and sometimes not at all… depends on the time of day lol)

 ✨ Anxieties I’ve never experienced before  irrational, raw, and totally unexpected

 ✨ The gender reveal (!!) and the emotions I didn’t realise I’d have around it

 ✨ Why I’ve chosen to ignore most parenting books and trust myself instead

 ✨ And meeting the OB who’s just as stubborn as me about low-intervention birth 👏

This isn’t the glossy, Pinterest-perfect pregnancy content. It’s the messy, hilarious, sometimes-WTF real deal — the kind of behind-the-scenes stuff I used to obsess over in other women’s journeys when I was trying to conceive.

If you’ve ever wondered what really happens when you hit halfway, or you just love an honest story, this is for you.

🎧 Listen now

Big love,

 B

P.S. Wait ‘til you hear about my niece’s reaction to the gender reveal… kids cannot hide disappointment 😂

As always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx

Transcript

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Breanna, welcome to the pregnancy diaries, a raw and unfiltered look at my journey into motherhood after two pretty fucked years of trying to conceive. I'm finally pregnant, and I wanted to document the real behind the scenes, experience the excitement, the body changes, the identity, shifts, the doubts and all the mindset lessons along the way, whether you're pregnant, trying to be or just love, an honest story. This series is here to remind you that you're not alone in the messy, magical middle Brean, Breanna, Okay, we're back for the pregnancy diaries. And this is such a fun one. I must say, I woke up this morning I was like, Oh, I get to record my pregnancy diaries today, and it's just so fun. It's just so good to look back on, like, I've got my notes here, and it's such a nice way for me to reflect on the month that has been and what I'm excited about and observe the changes, mentally, physically, emotionally, funny stories, gender reveals, like I want to share all of that with you today. This, like I said on the last month's podcast episode of the pregnancy diaries, is very much just if you are interested in this journey, if you are like I have been for the last few years, just obsessed with watching people's journeys, pregnancies, birth stories. Like I'm pretty sure I've finished YouTube. I think I've finished all of the birth videos. I've watched all the positive birth videos. I just am really obsessed with watching people's journeys, hearing all the different stories, and realizing this has been so great, realizing that, like, no two pregnancy is the same. It's just it's a fucking cool spot to be in. And if you're one of those people like me who just loves it, then welcome. If you're just nosy and want to know what's been going on, welcome. If this is not for you, don't worry. The normal episodes are running every single Wednesday. This pregnancy diaries is just going to be the first Friday of every month. And so we are here for Episode Two. If you want to go back and listen to episode one, which was where I shared the story about, like, finding out I was pregnant, how I was coping with body changes, all of the IVF medication I talked about, my prediction for what the gender was. There was so much, oh yeah, there was so much I unpacked in the last episode. So go back and listen to that, if you'd like to. And then I'm going to dive in now to having a look at my notes. So the first thing I wrote was this month. So I'm well into my second trimester now, at the time of recording this, I'm like, just on 20 weeks, so halfway, which is fucking crazy. It blows my brain that I'm halfway like, it's crazy. And some days I'll be like, there is no way I can keep growing for another four or five months. Like that just cannot happen. I'm huge. And then other days I wake up and I look like, you can't even tell. It's the weirdest thing, especially the difference between morning and night like absolutely crazy. So at the time of recording this, I am halfway, and the first thing I wrote is I feel like me again. And so I noticed it was like as soon as I hit 10 weeks, as soon as I hit 1011, weeks, food aversions were gone, cravings were gone. Energy was back. I also came off all of my, like, injections and stuff, so I think that really helped. Yeah, so I think it was a big deal to be able to come off all the progesterone I was on so many injections and coming off that I don't know if it was that or a combination of, like I said, all my shitty, trash food cravings went away, so I just started to feel more like myself. I also went and saw a physio, went and got my cervix checked, like, 5000 times, and I was finally given the green light that I could train again. And I was given a pretty flexible training, like I'm allowed to do most of the things that I would do. I miss running, like I said, I think in the last episode, I miss running. I miss high intensity. I miss, like, really fucking sending it with, like, burpees and shit, but that's fine. I'm still doing machine weights, so I just feel like the second trimester has been like, I feel like myself again. I'm training again. I'm eating normally. Because of that, a lot of my face, I said in episode one of this that, like, all the food and progesterone just went straight to my chins, which is so normal for me, but yeah, like, I just felt like everything kind of settled down and I was able to train again. So it just felt really, really good in terms of physical updates. So the bump has popped, for sure, but it totally depends. It's the weirdest thing. It's like, I literally lifted up my pajama shirt today, and I said to Paul, what do you reckon like, do I look pregnant? And he's like, No, you look like you've like, maybe eaten a burger, but like, in the mornings, I still look relatively flat ish. And then at night, as soon as I've had something to eat, as soon as I've. Had something to drink. I'm like, huge. Like, I remember my mum a few weeks ago being like, sure you're not having twins. And I was like, Can you not? But yeah, it just is, like, there's nowhere for anything to go. So I have popped for sure, but it totally changes depending on what time I look at my belly, and at nighttime when I like, oil my belly, it just feels so wild, like, so wild. And this is my question, when does it feel real? I've asked a few mums, and they're like, I'm six years deep and it still doesn't feel real. That's how I feel. Like, I look at my belly and I'm like, Oh, this is weird. Like, it just feels like, like, I know logically that there's a baby in there, but I can't believe it. Like, I don't, I just don't. I can't imagine, like, I just cannot. It's so surreal. It doesn't feel real. I'll catch myself in the mirror be like, oh shit, yeah, right, I'm pregnant even this weekend. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not, like, I don't really miss the alcohol. It's not something that I've really missed. It's been interesting. Like, I just haven't bothered but last weekend, the weather was fucking pearler. Like, it was just stunning weather. We were at the beach every day last week, my brother and I, and Paul and I, and then we went down to the beach, and I was like, oh, like, a gold beer. I saw some beer on chat that looked amazing. And was like, cold. You know, when you know when you get a cold beer and it's like, in a cold Stein glass, like, I saw someone sitting in the sun having a beer, and I said, Trav oh, let's get a beer. And I literally forgot. Like, I actually forgot, and was like, oh, oh, no, never mind. Like, I can't do that. I just forget. And because it just doesn't feel real, it just doesn't feel real. So that's been very interesting sometimes. In terms of other physical symptoms, I've still not felt any flutters, I've still not felt a kick. I've still not felt anything that like reminds me that he's there. That's the other thing. He's a he, we'll unpack that in a moment. Yeah, I haven't really felt any like physical reminders. And that's another thing. I'm like, Okay, that'll make it another little bit real. When I keep getting these physical reminders that, like, bang, he's just kicked me, or I can see little fingers poking out because my placenta, gratefully, is sitting behind, which is where I want it to be, like placenta sitting in a good spot. So apparently, when he does kick, I will really be able to feel it and see it, which I'm pumped for. But it's just another thing that means doesn't really feel real. Sometimes, if I move too suddenly, or I stretch in the mornings, it literally feels like I'm tearing my tummy muscles. Like, I don't know if it's called round ligament pain, but I've definitely been feeling that and because, like I said in the last episode, people don't realize I am very fucking short, like I'm just over five foot. I'm very small, so it feels like there's not a lot of real estate, and it just feels like my tummy is already like stretching. So I've definitely noticed that what else? Sorry, I'm just going through my notes, cervix update. Like I said, actually, so good. That was my main concern coming into this pregnancy. I was told the whole time, like you're high risk, we have to see how your cervix will go. We'll be monitoring your cervix every fortnight. You may be put on bed rest, because I went into this being told, like I have a short cervix because they've removed so much, which I love. That for me, I've unpacked that in previous episodes. Go listen to the pregnancy. IVF journey ones. That was a whole thing. But anyway, my cervix is started off at the borderline of like, what they would call an incompetent cervix. Talk about medical Idiocracy, like the terms that they use in the medical profession. I'm like, somebody train them about what language does to your physiology, like calling it literally, like the medical term is an incompetent cervix. I'm like, That's fucking lovely to tell women. So anyway, I have an incompetent cervix, but it's been actually growing, like, which is so weird. The last scan, it was a centimeter up, fully closed, no issues. And so, like I said, that has just given me my whole personality back, because I can train, I can walk. I do my walks every day. I feel like myself and I'm not on bed rest, which was my biggest fear. And it looks like like I'm doing another scan this weekend, and then one more scan after that, and if my cervix is still hunky dory, no issues. I get to just return to a normal pregnancy, like not high risk. I get to go into the normal amounts of checks and scans, not all these extra ones, and I just get to carry on and wait until I go into labor, which is so exciting. So yeah, I'm allowed to have sex. I'm allowed to work out again. Like Life is good. I really can't complain. I'm loving the second trimester. I really, I honestly can't complain about pregnancy at all, like I haven't really had bad symptoms. I don't feel bad. Like there's nothing I can really say yet. That's shit, other than what I mentioned in episode one, which was just getting really. Used to all the physical changes, mental and emotional. This one's been interesting. I want to know if anyone else has experienced this. I have not experienced it before. In the past. I would not typically identify as an anxious person. I don't have much experience like, I've I just don't, like, I'm not much of a warrior unless, like, it comes to my family, that's probably my biggest fear, is just my family's health and stuff I don't know. I just, I just, I think that's a natural thing. But since I've been pregnant, I can't quite explain the irrational anxiety I've got about specifically my parents and my brother and Paul, but, like, irrational. It's so wild. Like last month, I think it was, I was convinced and crying, like this is cooked behavior for me, like it was so strange. I went and caught up with like, Paul finished night shift, and I was like, Hey, do you want to go down and grab Breanna coffee at the beach? And he was like, yep, meet you there. Went down, and I just burst into tears. And he's like, what's wrong? And it's like, I haven't been sleeping. I'm convinced that something's going to happen to mum. Like, I was convinced that I don't even want to get into it. I don't even want to speak it I don't even want to speak it into existence. I was convinced that something bad was going to happen, and I was so anxious I couldn't sleep. I was like, ringing her to make sure she was, like, going to doctors and, like, just, just wild shit. And then mum just got back from Bali yesterday. I couldn't relax. I just couldn't relax while she was there, which is so unlike me. But I was like, she's out watching the AFL Grand Final. Like, what if there's another bombing? And just honestly, really irrational. And I know it's irrational, but I can't quite it's like I wasn't able to get a handle on it, even when we went to Bondi Paul and I did, like, a little baby Moon last month, and he was going to go surfing. And I was like, Oh, can you not? Like, I don't want to be a widow Mum, you know, like, it's just so crazy. And he's always surfed, but now I'm like, no, please don't surf. And I'm like, Oh, fuck. Are you gonna teach him to surf? Like, God, damn, is this my life now? Like, I want him to surf. I want him to live. But also, oh gosh. Like, I'm from Albany, so like, I actually know people. Literally, I know two people, one who got attacked by a great white and survived. He was my English teacher, and another one who was taken and unfortunately lost his life. So it's like, it's irrational, but it's also not irrational this shark fear that I have, because it does happen, especially where we're from. But like, yeah, just that. I can't really explain it, and I know, I know that it's irrational, so I'm able to, like, somewhat talk myself off a ledge, but it's been so weird, and I was chatting to one of my best friends about it, and she's like, you're in the most vulnerable. You're literally in the most vulnerable position of your life. Like, if you think about it, you're going into a vulnerable you've got to be ready for birth, you're going to be literally like, have a dependent. Your body's changing. You're probably financially more dependent if you choose not to work. Like, everything about pregnancy brings up vulnerability, and you need your village. And I'm just like, can everyone just be safe? And so that's been really interesting. I'd be really curious to hear if that's a normal thing, if anyone else has experienced that. I do remember listening to a podcast a few years ago of someone who I follow, and she was saying, like, she's just had mad anxiety about something happening to her husband. And I'm like, Okay, now I kind of get that. So that's been interesting. Another thing that's kind of interested me is I've actually been I'm someone who, like, loves learning. Obviously, like you can probably tell by this, like you can tell by the podcast, education is one of my highest values. I love learning. It's why I was a teacher. It's why I've got so many pieces of paper. I just fucking love learning. And so I thought probably, if you had asked me a few years ago, I would have thought I'd be the person reading all the parenting books, reading all the, I don't know, birthing books, birthing maybe more. So I'm not interested. There is no part of me that is interested in any parenting books or anything like I even, God, this was so interesting, I'm going to quickly get into this, because it's it was a very interesting moment. I put something on my stories a few weeks ago, and it was about a book that Paul had ordered, not because, not because of any reason other than he'd heard about it. And was like, Oh, I wonder if this will help us. Let's maybe give it a whirl. So Paul ordered this book. It was called Save our sleep. We didn't know anything about it. We don't know we literally knew nothing except that we'd heard it mentioned a few times, and Paul was like, I want to order it. So Paul got this book ordered to our door. And I just remember, like I saw that he'd ordered these parenting books. One was about, like, save our sleep, and the other one was just understanding different vaccines and the safety and research and evidence behind them. So I just remember, like I opened this part. Hustle. And I was like, I've literally got the best husband. Like, I love how involved and attentive and present and engaged he is in all of it. Like he's just the best. He hasn't missed a single scan appointment. Like he's just so good. We sit every Friday and watch the little app updates together where it tells us what's going on at this week with our baby, and it's just been so nice. But I just had a moment. I was like, Oh, he's the best. And I put something on my stories that was like, This is how you get turned. Like, this is the new turn on, like, a fucking attentive baby daddy. And I just made a joke of it. I have never, honest to God, I don't think in the five years I've had an Instagram fault, like a small following. But you know, I've never, ever, ever had as many DMS as when I just posted say that book, save our sleep. And it was the first time I've ever gone, Oh, I get it like I've heard before. And it wasn't really like, to be honest, it wasn't judgy. It wasn't most people were just sharing their stories, their opinions, their just, lots of people wanted to be to have their story heard, to tell me not to read it, to tell me to read it like it was so divisive. And I honestly got like, 50 DMS, it's like, boom, straight away. And it was like, paragraphs and paragraphs. And I was like, whoa, okay, I kind of get it. Now, I've heard friends say, like, people in the parenting space are very there's a lot of opinions. I don't mind, because I typically am like, well, I don't really care. Like, you can share your opinion. It just not, it's not on me to take it to take it on. And most people in my DMs were like, look, this is just my perspective and shared. But I was like, Whoa, I've never have felt so much division, a small amount of like, not even judgment, but like, strong like, that book should be banned. That book is child abuse. And then other people who like this book saved my fucking life. And I was like, whoa. It's just so interesting. And it hasn't really made me think, like, I'm not going to share anything because, say, like, same I don't really care what, like, my choices are my choices. But it was just a really interesting thing where I was like, Okay, I kind of get that, like, parenting and motherhood really divides people in terms of, like, what's right and what you should and shouldn't do, and I'm just conscious of it, I suppose. Don't think it will change much, but yeah, that was really interesting. I did read, look, I read three chapters of it, and I was like, ill, gross. Not for me again, if it works for you fucking sick like, I might eat my words, and I might be like, Okay, let me read this book, because he won't sleep. But for me, I was, like, too many rules, too regimented, too many shoulds, too many time schedules, too many. It just felt stressful to read. And I was like, yeah, no, so yeah, just I've been really interested that. Like, I'm really not, like, I'm kind of going into birth and motherhood, like, prepared enough, but also not over prepared, not trying to be like reading all the books. I'm just trusting myself. I've never, ever felt like I said to Paul, I just trust myself like I don't know. I just, I've done enough work to regulate my own emotions, to know my own shit, to see when I'm playing out my own shit. I just trust that I'm I'll know what to do, and I think that's been really, really, really cool. So, yeah, that's all the sort of mental, I mean, physical and emotional stuff. Okay, so what I want to unpack, and I'm just going to unpack this small, well, it's kind of a big thing. This was our gender reveal. I want to unpack that a little bit, and then I'm going to go to a listener question and just wrap this bad boy up. So the gender reveal, I definitely had a feeling. I had a feeling it was a boy, a strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong feeling. At first I thought it was a girl, but as the weeks went on, I was like, It's a fucking boy. It's a boy. And I've always said, I've always said, you can ask my mum. I've always said I want to be a boy mum. Like, always, always, I've always said I want to be a boy mum. I think it'd be sick to go camping. And just like, I don't know, I just love boy banter. I always really got on with my male students. Like, I just find them chill and easy and funny. And I want to be a boy mum. What was really interesting was that I also felt and two things are true at once. This was just a like, there's no shame, and I have no shame sharing this, because I just whatever I did also feel like, Oh, I'm gonna have to do a little bit of processing of this, because I do feel sad also that it's not a girl, and it's not because I don't want a boy. It's because I realized how much I want a girl when I started to process I think it's a boy. And so I was already processing it, and I just wanted to share that. Like I actually had to process it. I had to speak to my boy mum friends. Ask them, like, what do you think? Tell me, is it amazing? Like I had to start looking at boy clothes to get me excited. Excited and to start visualizing that, and I had to, like, I was just doing a lot of things to make myself more pumped, because I felt this like, Oh, I really want to be a girl mom too. And I just, yeah, that's kind of, that's just the honest truth. Like, I'm so excited, I'm so pumped. I'm so excited to be a boy mum. I want both. So I'm like, very, very happy either way. Like, I was always going to be happy either way, because I would love both. But it also made me go, oh shit. I think I'm going to be one of those people that just keeps going until I get a girl. Because it's really, like, I just think that would be so special, too. And so I just wanted to share that it was a little bit of like a Oh wow, but also excited. And then when we did the gender reveal, and we turned over the cake and it was so blue, I was like, okay, okay, I knew it, like, I fucking knew it. And just have been getting more and more excited ever since. I've made a playlist of, like, Boy mum songs for labor, and that really helped. I've bought some boy clothes. We've started thinking about names. I still maintain boy names fucking suck, and I'm not as excited about choosing a boy name because they're just not as pretty. They're really all common. Some of them are really overused. Like, especially you've been when you've been a teacher. Like, yeah, I don't know. I just find boy names really, really hard. So that's that was cool. But I'm also really, really excited. Also, I've met our OB. She was fucking incredible. So I'll talk more separately in next month, potentially about my birth plan or rough when I say plan, I know that, like, you make a plan and God laughs, but um, I chose an OB based on who was low intervention. And I got into this Perth doctor who's so hard to get in with. Apparently it's really impossible. But I got in, I reckon it's because she might have seen my case have been like, Oh, this is a fun one. So I got in with her, and I went to, like, go for our first meeting, and I was just gonna, like, kind of ask questions to make sure we're aligned. And she just straight out said, like, I am stubborn, and I will do everything I can to avoid intervention. We'll try to get you that, like, natural birth. And I was like, yes, so I'm really, really pumped about her. We met her. We've gone and looked at the hospital. Oh, that was really cool. We went and had a look at the hospital. We're doing private and we went and had a look at the ward and like, where we'll be sleeping after and where we'll stay. I'm going to do a whole episode about that. I have a lot of not opinions, just like reasonings and thoughts about, like birth and birth plans and why I think a lot of people have birth trauma. Yeah, there's just so much that I find really, really interesting about that space. So I've got a bit of a plan. We've gone to see the hospital. We've met the OB. She's incredible. I'm gonna have mum and Paul there. So Paul and I just, yeah, went had a look, and we saw the little cot. That was a moment. Paul was like, there's gonna be a baby in there. Like, our boys gonna be in there. And I was like, yep, that's, that's the plan. Like, it's just so fucking surreal. So yeah, we've gone and done all that really fun stuff, and it's just so this is what I keep saying when people ask me, like, I love the season. It is for a couple like, it's so fun for us. We go to scans, we talk about it. We start planning, like, next year. We're planning what trips we want to do with him. We're talking about what we like, what kind of parents we want to be, what we're excited about, what we're scared of. Like it's so connecting, and I just find I love this season for us, like we are both so excited, and we've brought so much joy to our families, and we've had so much fun going down and doing gender reveals. And although that was fucking hilarious, kids cannot hide their emotions, and one of our nieces was so upset. She was so upset, and we recorded it, and it's so funny, she just looks absolutely mortified, like so bummed. So that was so funny. So that's kind of been the last month. What I will say is, Oh, what am I looking forward to? That was okay. So what am I looking forward to? We start Hypno birthing lessons in two weeks, and I'm really looking forward to feeling kicks. So those are the two things I'm looking forward to. My listener question, how are you feeling about birth? Actually, someone asked me this in the DMS and my answer, and I'll do a completely separate episode on this all about like, birthing and mindset and just Yeah, but I feel fucking pumped. I feel so excited. I cannot wait. I really hope, you know, who knows? Like, maybe he'll be breached and I'll need a cesarean. There's so many things that can happen, but I'm hoping I get to at least try a natural birth. I'm hoping I get to labor at home for as long as I can wait for mum to drive up from Albany, which is five hours away. I'm hoping like but mostly I'm really excited. I can't wait. I think it's one of the most awesome experiences that a female will ever get to go through. But I'm also totally open to however it happens, is how it happens. I. But mostly, yeah, I'm just really, really, really excited. The other listener question was, can you please start your school now? Where's the wait list? I have been asked this so many times, and I'm not gonna lie, it has been in my psyche, just dancing around, not sure if I'm gonna but I said to my I said to Paul, and I said to my best mate, I can totally see me starting, like, a homeschooling situation, if, if my kid isn't suited to the mainstream system, I can see that happening. Like, I'll just be like, fuck it. I'm taking 1020, students come and homeschool with me. Like, maybe we'll see. It's something I think about, but we'll see. So keep your eyes on the on this space, I don't know. So that's the wrap. That's the wrap on the last few weeks. Like I said, I'm 20 weeks now, next month, I'll come back to report on hypnobirthing, how that's been, what I'm learning. Hopefully I'll be feeling kicks. So that'll be October's pregnancy update. So, yeah, really, honestly, this this episode or this month, has just been awesome, sharing the gender reveal, feeling myself again, back at the gym, eating normally, energy's back. Just love it. So can't complain. We'll see how I feel next month, when I'm a bit bigger and a bit more uncomfortable and all the things. But I will be back here next month for the pregnancy diaries. Thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get. And I know that is going to be so powerful for you listening. So if I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button, or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You.