#111 The new money method couples are using to find their fast mode

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Transcript

0:30

Friend. About this time last year, around mid afternoon, I sat down for an action setting call and this action setting call had a real impact on me. It changed everything for me when it comes to couples and when it comes to achieving your goals and it comes to getting what you want out of life. So this lady had booked a call and she'd had to reschedule it a couple of times and when her and her partner jumped on the call, I understood exactly why in the first couple of minutes. partner had let it known that he was begrudgingly there, not really of his own choice. But as we got into the conversation, you know, it was really obvious these guys were actually quite well connected, really did care about each other as a couple and, but. She was drowning. She was taking on more and more responsibilities at work and she was also carrying the weight of all the financial responsibility at home. And the problem for her was, she was getting fixated on the financial side of things, trying to find the best investments, trying to find the best ETS, trying to get, dig into the nitty gritty of all this sort of stuff. And what she was trying to solve for is, that she was hating her job. She didn't want to do what she was doing anymore in terms of work, but she felt trapped. And so the financial side of things had really come into focus for her, and she was trying as hard as she possibly could to get her money to work as hard as she possibly could. But that wasn't really the problem. The problem was they weren't necessarily aligned when it came to this. She was taking on more and more, working harder and harder, trying to go faster and to just sort of to make things work. But he was coasting. He was living it up. He was living the lifestyle and just loving life, basically. And when we started talking our way through this and she was expressing how she was feeling, when I was watching him, I could tell that he just couldn't see a problem. He didn't see that anything was wrong. He was loving life, right? He didn't really have to think about this part of it. And he was living exactly how he wanted and so for him, he was like, hey, we're good. But what he actually meant was, I'm good. But in this conversation, she's pleading with him that can we look at doing things differently? I want to work together in this part of our lives. I want to work towards a future that I'm more excited about because I'm not excited about the future as it stands. I'm working harder. We're spending less and less time together and I'm just not enjoying myself here. And when we got to the end of that call, you know, he said he'd think about it and we'd have a discussion and that sort of thing. But, but I knew I was never going to see these guys again. And this is one of the hardest calls for me because. I really didn't know how to shake this guy out of his malaise, his complacency. And to me, this is the perfect example of dysfunctional harmony. This couple in all other areas of their lives are super functional. But when it comes to money, it's really dysfunctional. They share values as a couple, but they don't have a shared vision. And because they don't have a shared vision, they are not working together as a team towards making that happen. One person is trying really, really hard to change the situation. The other person doesn't really know what's happening. And it's tragic for me to see this happen because I used to think that couples started to struggle a bit more with money just because life gets a bit more complex as you move into the different phases, right? The different windows you know, kids, marriage, mortgage, all these responsibilities come in. That does make it more complex. It's more moving parts and there's more for you to think about. There's more relationships to consider. Everything kind of speeds up. But this was the moment on this call that I realised this is only a symptom, it's not actually the cause of the problem. The problem is that most couples still don't see money as a team sport. They see it as a job that has to get done. It's an obligation. Not an opportunity. It's a penalty. It's not a privilege. And that's the reason most couples never find their fast mode. They treat it like a job, and one person who might be, in parentheses, more suited, takes on more of that load. When instead of actually seeing it as, Hey, this is one of the key resources we have to build the life we want. We have time, talent, and money, and we need to manage these things very deliberately, very intentionally to be able to get what we want. And at a certain point, what we've observed is that most couples accept that what is, is what will be. They begin to believe that this is simply their lot in life. So they resolve to talk less about money and just try to make more of it. But the thing is, life's already pretty full for a lot of these folks. And even though working harder and harder might mean more money, too often it means spending less time together. And that's at that point. A lot of couples face a choice. They can either scale back and settle for less, temper their dreams and just want less out of life. Or they can go harder to get more. Sacrificing the things they want now in the hope that things are going to be better later on. But the hard thing is, in both scenarios, Both of them cast money as the master. It's money that gets the end say over what you are or aren't doing. And this is why most couples work hard, but go really slow. It's like running a three legged race, blindfolded. And I want you to consider a thought experiment for me. Imagine you're working in a winery. Your job is quality control. So you've got to make sure that the labels are applied correctly to the wine bottles. You need to make sure they're horizontal, they're lined up in the right position and they all look very good. If they're not, you've got to take them off the conveyor belt and you've got to manually reapply those labels. And get them back on the conveyor belt so that they can be packed. Now, let's say that the labels start coming down the conveyor belt a little bit wonky, just a few at first and then a little bit more often. So you start counting and at the moment it's only one in every 10. You can handle that right. But soon, it's one in every eight. So you've got a question to ask yourself. Are you going to continue to work harder and faster to reapply labels? Or would you stop the manufacturing line? Walk up and solve the problem at the source. A lot of couples are getting better and better at reapplying labels. Reactively managing their money, working hard and harder to do so, feeling like they're on a treadmill or a mouse wheel of just trying to get more. And there's a world famous psychologist, Kurt Lewin, who explained this better than I can. And his major contribution was something called forced field analysis. And the big insight is that for any behavior, there are two forces. There's driving forces. That makes something more likely to happen and then there's restraining forces that prevent it or make it a lot harder to happen. And his big observation was most people continue to try to amplify and multiply driving forces. But very few people actively look to eliminate restraining forces. The thing is though, that more often than not, that is the fastest way to make a positive change, to make something happen, is to remove those restraining forces. And for the last five years, we've been using that insight to help more couples from all walks of life to cross the chasm from dysfunctional harmony to financial synergy. And financial synergy is what happens when you're working together. It's when you're playing to each other's strengths And you're finding joy in the journey. It's what happens when you make this shift from me to we. And when you build a shared financial operating system and take an active role in working it together. That is how every couple that you've heard on this podcast has achieved their goals. It's not because they all earn massive money, they don't. It's not because they're somehow smarter or more intelligent than the average person, they're not. And they didn't stumble upon some epic investment that nobody else knows about, they haven't. It is because they got sick of working harder and harder apart and decided they wanted to work smarter together. Because money is for life. Life is not for money. The only point of money is to help you get more of what you value. In other words, to help you get more of what you want. So if you have more money, but less of what you want, And if you're having this realization right now and I've got some good news for you. For the first time ever, we're going to lift the lid on our new money method that our couples are using to find their fast mode. These are the most important lessons we've learned over the last five years coaching 600 plus couples. for thousands of hours. We're running a live online workshop that's going to walk you through the science, the evidence behind our approach, and why it works to move couples from dysfunctional harmony to financial synergy. And there's one insight that changed everything for us. We found it hidden in the results of the best known research ever completed for self made millionaires. It shone a light on the one habit that all wealthy couples share. And this single insight, we used it to reverse engineer the skills and tools that are required for success. And what's interesting is most of what we learned over this period of time. completely contradicts what is commonly taught. And we're going to go through that and why that's the case as well. So in this interactive workshop, we're going to reveal what does work and exactly how and why this is the case. There are five key practices that make up our method and our argument is that by mastering these five methods, you can achieve financial synergy and that is how you find your fast mode. But you can also use these five practices as a little bit of a diagnostic. If you assess yourself against these five practices, You can start to understand what is slowing you down and how you can fix it. So we're going to share those five practices as well as answer the following questions. How can you and your partner make positive money habits stick for good? How do couples work together to make better money decisions even if one or both parties aren't really into numbers? How can you plan for your money? If you can't even predict your income, and what is it that stops couples making the big money moves that change their trajectory? What stops people and keeps them stuck just continually saving and hoarding money instead of moving towards that investing part of the equation so that money can start to work for them? So look, if you know that you could be doing better, If you're doing it together, this workshop is for you and your partner. All you've got to do to secure your spot is to click the link below in the description or alternatively, you can go to www. cashflowco. com. au forward slash new money method. The first of these workshops is actually happening tomorrow night. So if you want to be part of this first group, get in the room, ask us questions, and see how this all works for yourself. Make sure you hit that link in the episode or go to that domain that I just shared with you. There is limited spots though, and we have got a fair few folks jumping in there already. So, if it's something you want to get on top of sooner rather than later, definitely would encourage you to click the link. We will be running these regularly. I can't tell you when the next one will be, but we will be running in the future. So, if tomorrow night doesn't work for you, don't stress. There will be new times opening up in the calendar that you can access through the link. And P. S. The best way to actually get the most out of this experience is to make sure you attend this with your partner as well. So make sure that you send them the link as well so that they can put it in their calendar and attend it with you.