S2-09: Chris Gage, A Second Chance at Life

For many years, lapidarist Chris Gage was known as Mr. Holly Gage, of Gage Designs. A well-respected chef in his own right, Chris accompanied his award-winning wife—a certified metal clay instructor—around the country and world providing delicious meals at her workshops and local retreats. But three years ago, he suffered a trauma so intense that it altered the course of his life completely. “As horrible as the whole thing was, there is something to be gained from it,” Chris says. His positive attitude throughout an incredibly challenging ordeal allowed Chris to heal, both physically and mentally, and to begin anew creating a program helping others appreciate their own wounds. A delicate navigation of a life-altering experience, this For The Love of Jewelers podcast episode shares the pain of trauma, the love it exposes and a strong commitment to a life of opportunity and growth.

Transcript

Courtney Gray:

Welcome to season two of For the Love of Jewelers, a podcast connecting people engaged in the craft and industry of jewelry making, brought to you by Rio Grande Jewelry Supplies, and hosted by yours truly Courtney Gray.

While navigating through this time, we realize the need to stay home, be safe, and stay inspired. We are truly all in this together. I'm honored and excited to take you on this journey to discover not only the how, but why we make jewelry. My goal is not only to inform you, but to empower you by sharing the passion, perspective, and perseverance of your fellow makers and professionals in all facets of the craft. Let's dive in.

Chris Gage is a professional chef, lapidarist, and burn survivor. After losing his food trailer business due to a terrible explosion, he has discovered the healing and meditation properties of creativity through lapidary work. Chris and his wife, Holly Gage, also offer retreats with a unique combination of metal, clay jewelry workshops, and artfully prepared meals. They have paired the perfect blend for feeding your artistic soul, as well as your artistic palette.

As a lapidarist, Chris specializes in cultured opals combining his experience as a burn survivor and artist to inspire positivity and creativity in others. Chris finds inspiration in the scenes he sees in the cabochons, highlighting birds, celestial formations, and landscapes.

Hello, Mr. Chris Gage, how are you today?

Chris Gage:

Good.

Courtney Gray:

Thanks for joining us.

Chris Gage:

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Courtney Gray:

Or should I call you Mr. Holly Gage, is that-

Chris Gage:

Well, that wouldn't be a first.

Courtney Gray:

I was wondering about that, she such a mover shaker, I was like, maybe we should address him as Mr. Holly Gage.

Chris Gage:

Yeah, I've been called many things

Courtney Gray:

Been called worse, right?

Chris Gage:

Yeah.

Courtney Gray:

Well, I'm so happy to have you join us here on For the Love of Jewelers. Chris is unique, you guys, because he is a more recent jewelry maker, lapidarist. And I want to get into all of that and how you came to find that craft. But you're a chef, first and foremost, right? Most of your life.

Chris Gage:

Yes. Yes. I gained an interest way back in my early teens, and back in the days, when they used to teach home economics. So you take a half a year of sewing and the other half of cooking, and it really, just really turned me on to the cooking. And I had a few hours at home, my parents were both teachers, so they arrived home probably about a couple of hours after I got home. And I would just tinker in the kitchen, just throwing stuff together with whatever we had, and eventually branching out to making family meals maybe once a week, but that's how it began.

Courtney Gray:

Wow. You were young then and working with what you got in the kitchen. That's pretty cool. My husband's a genius with that. He's like a MacGyver in the kitchen. He's like, "We've always got something to eat, Courtney. We just got to go in and find what it is." Not my gift. Thank God for him.

Chris Gage:

Well, the problem with that sometimes is you have to take a little bit of a time to take a little inventory and scrounge around and see what you got. But once you start thinking about it, then you probably can come up with something.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. Yeah. There's always a way, right?

Chris Gage:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Courtney Gray:

So I met Chris, you guys, years ago, when he came down with Holly, who is a master PMC maker, and she is just so talented and amazing, and we had the best retreat. It was so wonderful. Chris cooked the meals, Holly taught the craft, and we all came together to have these meals together, actually, at my house, which was really fun.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. That's something that we started, well, certainly not as early as Holly in starting her jewelry career, but with my interest in cooking, we decided, let's do some classes, we'll provide some lunches, and then it kind of branched out to doing some retreats, and then a little more traveling around the country and different places in the world. And then we started to hold a week-long retreat here, in our area. But it's just a really cool idea, because it's the whole art and food and the camaraderie of everybody that's involved, and a lot of these, everybody's staying at the same place. So you just have that energy and creativity, and it's just a lot of fun.

Courtney Gray:

I love that. And just as soon as we can all travel again, I hope you guys get to get it back on the road, and do that, whenever that might be, Chris.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. Who knows?

Courtney Gray:

So recently you, well, I know we were going to talk about a big event, a big life-changing event that you and Holly went through and your family. And this was about three years ago, actually around this time.

Chris Gage:

Yes.

Courtney Gray:

And I know it had to be so traumatic and so life altering for you guys, but through that journey, Chris found lapidary work. And I think it's just so cool. You're cutting stones now. Holly said she can't even get any for her jewelry-

Chris Gage:

There's only so many hours in the day.

Courtney Gray:

... because you're selling them so fast. Do you want to share about that journey and how you found lapidary?

Chris Gage:

Sure.

Courtney Gray:

And what led to that?

Chris Gage:

Sure. Well, my son and I had gone into business together and we started a food truck, and we were working in this area, in Southeastern Pennsylvania. And we had the business for just about three years, and we had a propane leak on the truck, which we didn't know about overnight, and it created an explosion and a fire. And both my son and I were injured, quite extensively, which required about a six week hospital, stay in the burn unit at one of the Crozer Hospital, here, outside Philadelphia.

And it was just a complete halt to everything. We lost the business. We lost that income. We lost something that we had been working on for many years before we even started the business. And while I was recovering in the hospital, I started to think about, what the heck was I going to do next? And it was just such a loss for me. It was very, very emotional, and I spent many days crying about it, because it was my life at that point.

With the lapidary work, I had gained an interest in, not necessarily doing a career in lapidary, but I gained an interest in lapidary from a lot of the traveling that Holly and I had done together when she was teaching, and maybe we're doing some retreats and things like that. And I would go out and see all these fabulous cabs and stones, and I just loved the polished finish of everything. It was just amazing. And Holly kind of picked up on that interest a little bit and surprised me one Christmas and got me a lapidary machine. And I dabbled in that here and there. I never really had too much time, because of the food truck business. And I had always thought that, oh, possibly, in the future, maybe, when I'm done with that, I'm might get into this.

So I was very fortunate to have that already in my mind as a possibility when the accident happened, because I didn't necessarily think I was going to go full force into the lapidary, but it was an avenue to do something else. And in the very beginning, the process of doing the stones was extremely therapeutic for myself, both mentally and physically, and really helped me through a very difficult time for that first six months of recuperating from the injuries.

Courtney Gray:

And was a healing quality too, I think, that you had mentioned, kind of a meditation almost to... I bet that helped you get through some of this. Gosh, Chris, I don't know how you would get through something so big, but the strength is down in there, you know?

Chris Gage:

Yeah. Well, I think what happened, for me, through the process is because as you're going through the cutting wheels and then you move on to the polishing wheels, you're extremely focused on what you're doing, and that really allowed me to just block everything out. Of course, the noise of the machine helped block out any outside noise also. But it really, the process helped me block out my mental thoughts. And for that period of time that it was on the machine, I could just concentrate on that, and I could spend maybe a few hours of not being emotional and crying and worrying about what's going to happen next. So it was very therapeutic from both mental and physical...

Physical, because I couldn't lift my arms for a while, because of where my burns were on my shoulders and arms. I just couldn't lift my arms, and I had the stool behind the machine, just on the right level to be able to move along, and it really worked out great. But as far as turning it into a business, which it is now, it took a little bit of time for that to develop. It probably took probably a good year. I wasn't quite sure on how I was going to sell a lot of the stones. I'm very fortunate to have a lot of contacts from Holly, who has so many contacts out there and-

Courtney Gray:

Mr. Holly Gage.

Chris Gage:

Yes. Was able to tap into that, and the incredible support from Holly, too, and helping me with marketing and things like that. But the auctions online have worked out pretty good. I just can't seem to get enough work done in the day, because I'm in this new energy mode where I just want to do so many things, and there just is not enough hours in the day to do everything.

Courtney Gray:

That's interesting. So you're feeling like a energetic boost, is that a recent thing?

Chris Gage:

Yeah. It wasn't immediately after the accident, obviously. But within this, well, I'd have to say probably this year is where it really started, this spring. I just felt a whole new energy level of getting a certain amount of sleep, getting up every day, at the time that I wanted to get up, not kind of hanging around in bed or anything like that, and then just get out and get working on the lapidary, and then everything else in my life that I wanted to do. And it really hasn't waned. I was worried about it waning, possibly, if I was going to get tired, but it really has sustained, up until now. I hope I can carry it through for many years.

Courtney Gray:

I hope it lasts, right?

Chris Gage:

Yeah. Yeah.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. When I did interview Holly, a little bit ago, too, and she mentioned, Chris, this new thing that has grown in you, post this event. And I think that's so fascinating. We were talking about post-traumatic growth, and-

Chris Gage:

Yes.

Courtney Gray:

... I know y'all are studying this and I'd love to hear more, and share this.

Chris Gage:

It was really interesting how that all came about, because I knew what I was going through and experiencing as far as the energy level, and the positivity had always been there. That was in me from the moment I went into the hospital, there was something within me, and it could have been years that I spent studying meditation and being in the now and all that. I mean, I read so many books on that and I think it must have sunk in and has been settling in my subconscious at some point. But in the hospital I had made a decision, not necessarily consciously, to be positive in there, and do everything that I possibly could to get out of there, I didn't want to be in the hospital, to get back home. And I took the approach of taking the focus off myself while I was in the hospital.

And I'm pretty much an introvert to begin with, so I don't like to have that attention on me. So I was more interested in talking to the nurses and doctors and any other people that came in to see me, and just talking about them and what's going on in their life. And there was several times where I would just really try to hang on to people, "Pull up a chair, hang out with me, just talk." And the positivity is really something that has stayed with me, because I think in these kinds of instances, and I did see some examples of other people that were in other rooms around me at that time, but there really is two paths that you can go in this kind of injury and other injuries, too, not just burn injuries.

You can either be positive and move forward, and you have to settle with yourself at some point your situation, and what happened, and what you're capable of now. Or you could go down a really bad road where you could be angry and you could be bitter and look for every reason, why'd this happened to me? And why did this person do that?

And it just isn't really productive in the end. And I just think, for me, the positivity absolutely worked wonders for myself. But it wasn't until we came across this book about post-traumatic growth that I actually realized what was happening to myself. And I found it so interesting that I went through this process without even thinking about it. And there's many aspects to it. There's about five different areas that people find growth, and they don't have to find growth in all five, but they could find in just any one. But I've been able to identify about four of those that I really associated with.

And so it's created a real interest in possibly trying to pass this onto other people. How do you teach somebody to grow from trauma? And it just seems like every once in a while, we'll come across something that just opens our world to this, because it's not just people that had been injured themselves, but it's also people that deal with people that have been injured. So it could be first responders, it could be anybody that has seen this kind of stuff that can create trauma or post-traumatic stress. And there's ways to work through that, so you can have a positive change in your life with it.

Courtney Gray:

Find the silver lining, so to speak.

Chris Gage:

Mm-hmm (affirmative), mm-hmm (affirmative).

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. I love that you say that too, Chris. It's like, on the way to the... you're making this decision in the moment. And sometimes it feels that quick, like, we only have a few seconds here to take the grateful road instead of the resentful road or the bitter, like you mentioned. And to spin things and turn it into something positive is not always easy, but I do stand by that as well, Chris, because of my life and my journey. It's like, "Wow, okay, we can look at this one way or the other, and let's find those silver linings and focus on that." As soon as you find it, I think that you have something to strive for, and it helps kind of get you through the sticky spots.

Chris Gage:

Well, I think if you want to move on with your life and continue and live the best life that you can, you have to come to some realization of the things that you've got to put aside. I mean, there's somethings that you just can't do anything about. And Holly and I always remarked that, and we're not always good at this, but why really spend a lot of energy and time on things you can't control. I mean, that kind of energy is a negative energy and it really drains yourself in a lot of ways.

Courtney Gray:

And it pools and collects, and I think, ends up being a little bit contagious, if we're not... Yeah, contagious negativity, let's get away from that, collectively.

Chris Gage:

Well, I definitely agree with that, because I really do believe in the energy in the universe. And if you put out a negative energy, somebody's going to read that from you and it could make them negative, also. Just in the same way, on the flip side, if you're positive, that kind of energy invigorates people-

Courtney Gray:

And breathe, yeah.

Chris Gage:

... and they can feed off that, too.

Courtney Gray:

Yay. Yes. Everybody listened, Chris is speaking, so much that we need to hear, I think right now and always. So talk to us a little bit about the Scar Warrior jewelry. How did that come about? Was this an idea of yours or Holly? Or just a collective thing?

Chris Gage:

Well, I will give credit to Holly that it was her idea. I provided the scars, but Holly has always been fascinated with textures. And even when we go out and take a walk in the woods, she would always have sculpting material with her that she could put on a tree, and then as we walked back, maybe take it back off and just get different textures. So she had to do a lot of massage therapy for me on my scars, and she felt the texture, saw the texture and thought, hey, you know what? This would be pretty cool if I could capture this in metal clay somehow. And so I was a guinea pig to capture to the scars, she would put it on me and I'd sit there for a while.

And then she just developed the jewelry. And I think it coincided around a similar time that we were going to volunteer at a burn camp for children. And she thought that that would be a great program for part of that camp, to have kids, burn victims, make their own jewelry. And I'm sure that she told you a little bit about the process of all that, but it was just fascinating. Almost a turnaround with some of the kids that really looked negatively at their burns, and then they, they saw this jewelry and they could feel the texture on the jewelry, and feel the texture on their scars, and just were fascinated at the whole process, and were almost excited to show their scars and the jewelry to comparing the two, now, instead of hiding these scars, showing them to people.

Courtney Gray:

Was it healing for you to have her making jewelry or was it kind of weird?

Chris Gage:

I don't think it was weird. I had mentioned before that, since the accident, I really have been a lot more open to different things. And that's actually one of the five processes of post-traumatic growth, is an openness to new possibilities in life. And I used to be scared, have fear, I still have fear, everybody's probably still going to have fear, but it's how you deal with it at this point. Whereas before the accident, I may say, "No, I'm not going to do something, it's too much. It's too much fear." And now it's, "Yeah, I fear it, but I'm going to go through with it. I'm going to do it. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out."

So for me, it's just a total change. So it wasn't really weird for Holly to do that. I'm always very interested in seeing how her projects go from what's in her mind to a finished product. And she made me some scar jewelry that I wear, she made a bracelet for me, and it's really neat. It's really, really cool.

Courtney Gray:

That's awesome. Yeah. And I love the turnaround you mentioned for these kiddos. I can't imagine. I mean, this is your skin. This is like your front to the world. So I can't imagine, well, can actually, Chris. I don't know if I've told you, but I have really bad eczema, so it's like severe. Now it's nothing like going through a burn. Burns are just... there's nothing you can do. You just got to wait and heal and hope. But I do have these flare-ups, and this is like... I'm like, "I can't even..." It feels very immobilizing.

So you have to make decisions, and it's like, well, still got to show up, and still got to do my thing and be me and get on stage and do all the things that I do. And so I can relate a little bit to that. Thank God it's not your face, because I get it red all over my face, and that's really tough. And you do have to make those decisions like, okay, well, this is what I've been dealt, how am I going to look at it?

Chris Gage:

Well, that's the thing, it's how do you work with the fear? Because I don't think he can ever get rid of fear, but you can certainly work with it to either break through it or move around it. But to avoid things, is not necessarily the right thing to do either, because of that fear.

Courtney Gray:

Have you ever read the children's book called We're Going on a Bear Hunt?

Chris Gage:

No, I don't think I have.

Courtney Gray:

The whole saying at the end, I used to love it, is, "You can't go over it. You can't go under it. You have to go through it." And then there's this family and they're walking through the swishy, swashy, swishy, through the forest, and they finally find the bear and just run home. It's hilarious. It's like, what was the point?

But that was my takeaway was when you got to just go through it, like you said, you can't skirt around. And sometimes the things that scare us the most, I think, are the things that we need to jump into safely and consciously and cautiously. But, yeah, how do you know until you try it?

Chris Gage:

Well, exactly. And yeah, going through it, I mean, you may not succeed, it may not necessarily be a totally positive experience, but I think you're, probably, in the end, better for trying to deal with it and trying to get through it than to avoid it. Because it's just like talking about certain things, if you don't talk about them and work on it, there's always a chance that somewhere along the line, later in life, it may come back and you may still have issues.

And that was one of the things with the PTSD, too, was there were certain things that I did, I didn't realize that I was doing them, but I was able to deal with the PTSD, within six months of the accident, by volunteering for this burn camp. Holly and I, soon after that, about a month later, held a retreat at the same spot where the accident happened. So dealing with that. I'm not saying that I may not have PTSD from some other traumatic experience in my life, but it won't be from this, because I really honestly believe that I dealt with it-

Courtney Gray:

Wow.

Chris Gage:

... pretty well. Yeah.

Courtney Gray:

How is it cooking now? When you get in the kitchen, does it feel like before?

Chris Gage:

I still love cooking. I still do all the cooking here at home. I still love to do my gardening and incorporate the gardening in with the cooking. We have done a few events with other people where I've cooked for them. I still enjoy doing that, but I do not think I would want to go back into the food service business, mostly, because of the hours. I mean, when we started the food truck, I knew it was going to be a lot of hours, but I honestly didn't know it was going to be that many hours. And for somebody getting to be my age, it's a lot. It's definitely, I think, it's a young person's thing.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah, it's a commitment.

Chris Gage:

Yes. Absolutely.

Courtney Gray:

It's 24/7, I would think, serving and prepping everything, and all of that. And how's your son recovered as well? Has he moved into a different arena?

Chris Gage:

No, he's still in culinary. And he works at more of a gourmet type restaurant here in Lancaster, in the city. And he works for the owner and chef of that particular business, was the presidential chef for, I think, three administrations down at the White House, so he's getting a lot of good experience with that. And the owner that he's working for, also, had taught Ryan when he was in 11th grade. He went to do a tech school for half the year without knowing it at that time, so it's kind of interesting how things come around sometimes.

But he's doing good. And the only thing I worry about with him is the mental part of the whole piece, because he is not the type of person that outwardly really talks about stuff. And Holly and I tried to drag things out of him a little bit and get him to open up and talk, but he's got to do that on his own. So that's the part of it that I worry about, but he had healed physically very nicely. And although he was in the truck, when the explosion happened, he doesn't have any of the scarring, which is really good.

Courtney Gray:

Oh, wow.

Chris Gage:

Yeah, he got burned badly, but it didn't scar. So, yeah, I was thankful for that.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. For sure. For sure. Youth, maybe, they heal quicker, Chris. I mean, the older we get... So how interesting, too, that it's, I just like to come back to this, the healing. The lapidary work and finding that space for you that, with lack of mobility in the beginning and not being able to lift your arms, I just can't imagine, the recovery time had to be intense.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. I wanted to start it right away, of course. I get antsy and itchy sometimes. I really, I pushed myself to get out of the hospital probably sooner than I should have. And, unfortunately, had to go back in for another couple of weeks, because I had a couple of nasty infections that I got here at home. And I really want it to get into the lapidary the second time that I came home and the doctors wouldn't let me, because I still had some open wounds and sores and things like that. And they were worried about material that might be in the dust of the stones getting into that. So I kind of had to sit around for a few months until I guess the end of December, beginning of January, where I was able to get the okay to do it, and get into it.

And of course, by then I had gotten through the outside physical therapy that I had to do. I still have therapy that I do here at home by myself, as far as stretching and things like that, that I have to do. So my mobility had gotten a little bit better and I just started working on some material I had, and some wonderful friends had given me a lot of rough and I was able to work through it.

And I didn't have a chance to really have many lessons from another person. I did take one initial lesson before I started this from somebody in Pennsylvania here that really helped me out in the beginning stages. As far as laying out the shape on a piece, and then doing the rough cut of that first, before you even get onto the machine and then the whole doming process and, and everything that you need to do, certain angles and things.

And then we have a good friend that actually has just recently moved to San Antonio area from California that had come up for a week or so. And I spent a lot of time with him on the machine, and he showed me a lot of his techniques. But the thing that happened for me was, because of my lack of being able to go out a lot, because of my injuries, and then soon after I had a period of healing for a year and a half, COVID hit and you couldn't go out. I really have taught myself a lot through trial and error in the lapidary. I look up a lot of things on the internet, as far as YouTube videos, and Holly had a whole mess of a lapidary magazine issues that I just lived through and looked at different techniques, but it really is a lot of trial and error.

And I unfortunately probably wasted a lot of material doing it that way, but right now I'm working with synthetic opals a lot. And I really enjoy that, because I love the colors and everything. But that was a learning process too, and I had to contact several people on what I was doing wrong. And there were several times I was throwing my hands up, and, "I can't do this. I'm no good. And I'm not going to do this anymore."

And then, one day, well, one day, but it just sort of hits, it just sort of clicks and everything starts to really roll off the machine and looks pretty good. Of course, there's always challenges. And I did learn early on that you can't will the stone that you're working on to do what you want it to do. You really have to take what it's going to give you. I mean, you can manipulate it, but sometimes, you don't know if there's going to be a crack in it. Or my saddest times are at the very end, I get to the very, very end and then something might break and it's like, "Oh, I spent all this time."

Courtney Gray:

Yep. Yeah. That's the part we have to live with, sometimes. I think that's why I kind of lean towards metal more. I tried a lot of crafts in the beginning, a lot of different mediums, glass, ceramics, all kinds of stuff. And you drop it and it breaks, it's like, "Oh." But I love that permanence of the metal and the material. You could run over it with your car or buried in the earth for 30 years, and it could be... you know?

Chris Gage:

Yeah.

Courtney Gray:

Just that kind of permanence, probably, the Taurus in me, I want to be rooted and know that we're here and we're strong. Do you ever see yourself moving into metal?

Chris Gage:

Holly has tried and tried and tried to get me into the metal clay, and I don't think it's for me. But you know what, I'll be honest, I haven't given it a real good shot, but at this time, I don't see myself moving into that, no.

Courtney Gray:

One thing at a time.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. And one metal clay artist in the family is good enough, I think.

Courtney Gray:

Yes.

Chris Gage:

We're very competitive, so we don't want to be competing in that area.

Courtney Gray:

Yes.

Chris Gage:

Although, I'd have to have about 15 or 20 years to catch up.

Courtney Gray:

She's got you beat, yeah.

Chris Gage:

Yeah.

Courtney Gray:

Oh, that's so cool. So what's your favorite rough material to work with? Is it the synthetic opal right now, you think?

Chris Gage:

It is right now. Prior to that, I really loved the color of lapis, and I love working with that. Some of the lapis material has those little flecks of gold in there, not gold, gold, but gold color. And I love to see how that comes out and everything. But just getting done with it and getting that beautiful, smooth, mirror, glass, water finish, whatever you want to call it, it's satisfying. It's beautiful. I love to feel the texture of it. Not as much the synthetic opal, but with the other stones, I love the weight and the heaviness of... depending on the size of the cab and everything, I love it.

And back to what you were saying about dropping things, and yes, I have dropped several finished cabs on the floor and they've broken, but I still haven't put any kind of a rug in here or work over a rug. So stupid me not learning my own lessons.

Courtney Gray:

Well, some things maybe aren't meant to be permanent either, you know?

Chris Gage:

Yeah, well, that's true.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes things break and you go back to the wheel, and it's like, "Oh, there's a new shape that I didn't even think about." I do love the forgiveness of the materials sometimes.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. And in those cases, I usually will have to step back and step away from the initial being angry or upset or whatnot. It's just better to step away and then come back, maybe, the next day and look at it and say, "Okay, I can see something else." And it's interesting that you say that, the forgiveness, because back to the culinary thing. I started out as a baker, but I went into cooking instead, because baking is some more scientific, almost like a chemistry, you have to get exact measurements. Cooking's more forgiving. If you make a mistake, you can always do something to... and the same thing with the cabs, too. Like you said, maybe, I hit a soft spot in the stone, it can be reshaped, if I take too much material off something that wasn't intended.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. Like you said, move through it. And Holly calls it the ugly spot, and I have a friend who calls it the skinny spot. I think they're unavoidable. You have to embrace that you're going to hit these humps in the road, in life and in making, where it just doesn't seem to be working. And it's like, okay, power through that spot, and typically what I notice is right there is where things start to kind of align. It's just getting through the sludge of it.

            Last night, thinking about chatting with you, Chris, and getting into the post-traumatic growth and all of these things that are... this is new information for me too. And I love that, I just love the idea of resilience versus growth. And I started looking up, this is something I want to learn more about and share more about. What does that mean to you, resilience versus growth?

Chris Gage:

I think with resilience, you can be strong, you can be a strong person, but growth takes it to a whole other level. Growth could be many things. It could be realizing that, maybe after trauma, maybe you can't do what you used to do. I mean, the resilience would be getting through that episode and moving forward in your life. But the growth part would be, well, maybe finding something from that that you can do, that maybe you would have never even thought of before this happened. So there is a difference, and I don't think the resilience is a bad thing. I think resilience is a good thing, but growth is... just the process, and I'm learning so much about it right now.

I'm probably at the tip of the iceberg, but it's just amazing that, sitting in the hospital, I couldn't imagine myself being positive. I couldn't imagine myself doing something else, because at that moment, I just felt like I had lost everything. I lost who I was, what I did, but through the process of working through that, maybe taking stock of what you have in your life, that you can move forward in into another area. And I think the lapidary definitely was a growth from that. And I feel like there's still something more for me to do in that area. Not lapidary, but helping other people that maybe were in the same situation that I was in, and showing them that, yes, you can live your life. You can do something. You can be a positive influence on other people. You can be a valuable member of society.

And I will say, though, and not everybody has this, and it's unfortunate, but I had a tremendous amount of support for myself. Not just the support that I got in the hospital from the medical staff, those people were just fantastic, but from my family, my wife, my children, extended family. And from what I'm learning, to be able to grow and have positive growth, you have to be able to, not only have, but accept that support. It's not always easy to accept. If somebody is going to give something to you of themselves, it's not always easy to accept that, but it is an important part of the process.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah, you're lucky Chris. That's amazing. I think that support is essential and the community that we're in, the jewelry community, I think has shown up in so many ways. When stuff's going on, it's like, even people you don't know, just Facebook friends or something, are showing up to help and donate or send something that's going to kind of help push you through. And I feel very grateful for the community that we have here, too.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. And I'm sure you and your family have experienced some of that, with some of the things that you've gone through with the jewelry community and the support.

Courtney Gray:

We really did, Chris. We really did. It's not my interview, but I will share what happened, because it was around the same time, with Chris and Ryan's accident. Our house burned down, completely, I mean, overnight, it was during the day, on labor day. So I think our anniversaries are similar and I was thinking about, wow, you do feel, it's in your body, somehow, when these anniversaries come, it's like, "Okay, let me honor this. Why is it coming up again?" And that was a scary thing. We were all together. We looked upstairs and there was flames just shooting down the stairs. And luckily, I had stayed home, and my two sons were right there. We got out of the house and nobody got hurt. But we watched our entire home and belongings, everything just kind of dissipate over a matter of hours.

And walking through that afterwards was so surreal, I couldn't ever explain it. But the amount of people that showed up, and then, of course, I heard what happened with you guys. Well, that was a month before, so we were about a month after, when our event happened. But all I could think of was, a lot of what I thought about was you and Ryan and Holly, and what Holly was going through. It's like, "Oh, this is nothing compared to that. This is nothing. Nobody has a scratch on them. We're a little dirty. I have to wear my son's shorts, because I don't have any clothes. I don't have a bra. I forgot to put on shoes before I ran out or grab my purse."

            So we didn't have all our physical belongings, but man, the difference was humbling, honestly, to keep track of what was going on with you guys, and the healing process there, because just so much more intense. Stuff you can replace, a couch or a bed, but when people are involved or your loved ones, it's just so much more intense. But, yeah, we just put in the... I was looking at the fire, I said, "Wow," I looked at the boys, and they go, "This is the worst thing that's ever happened, mom." And I said, "I got you. I got you. And dad's right there, that's all the matters. The rest we're going to figure out."

Chris Gage:

Well, I will say, and I'll backtrack just a little bit, but when I explained my situation to other people and, and they'll maybe, people would always come up to me and they'd show me a burn or something like that, that they had and things like that. And then they'd apologize, and say that, "Oh, what happened to you is so much worse." But I really, honestly, feel this way that whatever happens to anybody, not comparing it to anybody else's situation, but at that moment, and for you guys with the fire, at that moment, that was the worst thing that could be going on in your life. And that's what you were dealing with. And just like we were dealing with what was happening to us.

And I could always say to myself, "Well, I'm so fortunate that all of my burns are all underneath wherever my shirt is, because that's what caught on fire. And I don't have my face burned or anything like that." Seeing some other people with their burn injuries, but this is the worst thing that happened to me. That's the worst thing that happened to them. And I don't think it can always be compared that one is worse than the other. It's your situation, it's your pain, and that's what you go through.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. And it's relative to the situation and to each person. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

Chris Gage:

But the support from the jewelry community that we experienced was just phenomenal. It was unbelievable that so many people cared, and for Holly, because I mean, they knew me as Mr. Holly or whatever, but it was just unbelievable. And it really helps keep your faith in humankind and mankind, and generosity and taking care of other people. We'll never forget that. And even to this day, we feel, how could we ever pay this back? Because it was exactly what we needed at that time, what Holly needed. Because she went through things that I'll never experience, because I was in a coma for two and a half weeks. I would never want to have to deal with and go through the things that she had to, choices that she had to make. Just like you probably had to do the same thing with Peter when he was injured with his injury.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. A lot's happened in the last few years, my goodness. It's like, haven't I proven how strong we are. Wait, I got to do it again.

Chris Gage:

But now, maybe, if something else comes along, you say, "Okay, whatever it is, I think I can handle this, maybe." But-

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. Well. I think we have to accept that life is a series of events, and they're not always pleasant and they're not always easy to get through. And nobody said this was going to be easy, Chris.

Chris Gage:

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Courtney Gray:

I don't know where we picked up that idea. But, yeah, we had a really interesting sequence of events of that, the house fire, we rebuild the home, Peter's a contractor, it took a year. Actually, we did it in about eight months and I mean, gained square footage, got... oh, let's go, we need new furniture now. We had insurance, we were covered. And he did a lot of the work we moved in, and about 30 days after we moved in, my husband had a stroke, a severe stroke. And gosh, I can relate to Holly, Chris, of just those moments of thinking, I could lose him. This could be it. And the things that you think about are so weird, like, well, who's going to edit my podcast? I'm sorry to be...

Who am I going to make music with? And then it's like, wait, wake up. I mean, really this is happening. But talk about making that choice. Peter's a strong guy. He is solid as a rock. And I think that you have a lot of qualities, Chris, I can see, too, he made that choice, he's, "I'm going to recover. I'll be fine." He couldn't walk. He couldn't hold things. He couldn't show expression. I couldn't see the love anymore, in his eyes, and it scared the crap out of me.

Oh my gosh. But at the end of the day, I sat with these emotions, and I really embrace that, okay, if he did go, if this was time for him to go, I would be okay, and the kids would be okay, and I would take care of this. And facing that fear, like you mentioned, we can't skirt around fear. Those were huge fears, losing your home, losing your spouse, for you and Holly, losing your husband, potentially, losing your son at the same time, losing your business, all at once like that, I think, you faced all these fears like bam, bam, bam. And once you get through that process and the crying and the intensity of it, it's like, okay, I'm still standing. I'm still standing.

Chris Gage:

And then a lot of the things, trivial things now, as you can see them, that you used to worry about before, it's like, why the heck would I even worry about this stuff? And yeah, so it actually is almost a relief, because now you can put those things aside that... put them in the right compartment, maybe it's something that you have to do, but it's certainly not something you have to stress over. And just do that and move past it and move on to the next thing.

Courtney Gray:

Like you said, it's like, picking the battles, so to speak. Oh, gosh, that's such a mom thing to say, "Pick your battles. Honey, pick your battles. Don't waste energy on stuff that just doesn't matter." But it's so true what we put our energy towards. I love getting to talk to you now and knowing you before this event, too, Chris, I can see the change, and I can feel the energetic shift for you. And that's beautiful. I hate that you had to go through such a traumatic thing to get there, but just glad too.

Chris Gage:

Yes. And if it can make you a better person, that's really the icing on the cake. And I really feel, for me, however, I went through this process, I feel like I'm a better person. I feel stronger mentally and physically than I did before the accident, because the stress of working that business was really heavy. And now that you can put things in a little more perspective after having an experience like that, life is, it's still happy, but it's lighter than it once was. And maybe that's also with getting older, but you can enjoy things a little bit more, appreciate things more. That's part of the growth thing too, is just appreciating life more in the end, the people around you, whether it's your family or friends or whatnot.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. And really, like you said, being more present with those things and making different decisions. Maybe this isn't serving me or those around me anymore, because it's just too much, something's got to give. You got to select where you want to be and what you want to focus on, and it should feel good. It's like, okay-

Chris Gage:

Yes, mm-hmm (affirmative).

Courtney Gray:

... this feel good. I align with this. It feels good to me. Yeah, before you know it, you can be deep into something that just isn't-

Chris Gage:

Well, it's interesting that you say that, because I can now more easily say no to something. Whereas in the past, because I had this inner part of me that always wants to please people around me, so if they ask me to do something, I would in my head be like, I really don't want to do this, but then I'm like, "Okay, I'll do it." And it can make you miserable at times. So now I can even more easily make that decision to say, "No, it's just best for me not to do this."

Courtney Gray:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. I had someone during, COVID mentioned to me, a student, actually, an old student and friend, and she said, "Courtney, at the end of the day, you got to look at, what are you doing? And who is it for?" And it's, oh yeah, maybe I don't need to be doing this at this time. Or there's another chapter for me to move into or some sort of evolution to life. I think if we... also the stubborn person in me, it's like, "I want to finish it." It's like, "Well, maybe it's finished. Maybe you're done with this piece, and it's time to take what you learned from creating that piece and direct it towards something bigger, different, whatever that may be."

And it should feel good guys. We should enjoy what we do. We should, mostly, like you said, there's always the ugly spots. There's moments where you're like, "Oh my gosh, what am I doing? And this is awful." But at the end of the day, it should kind of light you up.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice feeling to be able to get done with something and be happy with it, because a lot of people, and we all have that perfectionism within us, and you could sit there and I'm sure with some of your jewelry pieces work on it and work on it and work on it and work on it. And like you said, at some point, you have to make a decision, and just say, "Okay, it's done." And I do that with the cabs too. I mean, I could sit there and try to polish the heck out of it. And sometimes-

Courtney Gray:

And then there's nothing left.

Chris Gage:

Yeah, that's right. You get little bits of... Oh, no.

Courtney Gray:

Dust.

Chris Gage:

But it's important to be able to make that decision to say, "Okay, I'm done."

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. And and also to embrace that there is no such thing as perfect. I work with wax, Chris, more than metal and I'll carve a piece to death. It's like, lay it down, it's falling apart. You got to just let it go. And so you learn when to stop and not take that last stroke on a material that's, at that stage, brittle, you know?

Chris Gage:

Right, yep.

Courtney Gray:

But yeah, it's like, when are we going to learn, when to lay it down. And as you said earlier, too, I love that, is, sometimes you got to have a night out, just walk away for the evening, put it down, tomorrow's a new day, a new light, and you may see things differently.

Chris Gage:

Well, I'm sure you've probably been into meditating and learning about being present and all that. But there is a, there is a part of that where you can put your almost subconscious energy to work for you. And if you have a problem that you can't solve, really, if you sleep on it, somehow you can work through that. And then maybe the next day you're seeing it differently, and boom, you've got the answer to whatever you're looking for.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. It's wild too. I feel like there's a walkaway perspective shift. So I was just talking to my musician friends, my band, yesterday about this, we had to take six months off because of COVID, we had to cancel shows and we couldn't get together and rehearse and feel safe. But we actually grew during that break, laying something down for that long and not even having access to it was interesting. Because we all came back together and it was a little choppy at first, but then there was all this new material that just kind of came out, new songs, new lyrics, everything.

It's interesting, sometimes, like you said, sleep on it, even for six months. Hopefully, not that long all the time. I think it's the same for any craft or even the guitar. I've never been a good guitar player, but putting it down and then picking it up, and saying, "Oh, I should pick that up again and try it again." It's like, "Oh, where'd that come from?"

Chris Gage:

Yeah. And it's part of-

Courtney Gray:

It's interesting.

Chris Gage:

... the whole creative process.

Courtney Gray:

Yeah. In the words of Tim McCreight, "Trust the process, don't fight the process."

Chris Gage:

It's hard to do.

Courtney Gray:

That takes a daily reminder, doesn't it?

Chris Gage:

Yes, yeah.

Courtney Gray:

Post-it note on your forehead every time you look in a mirror. It's all part of the process. And I love to talking with you and being grateful, even, this sounds weird to say, but being grateful for even the hurdles. Because all of those things that we've been through in our lives and our journey and making in life, in general, I think, they formed who we are now.

Chris Gage:

Yep, exactly.

Courtney Gray:

And without them, without this accident that you guys had, Chris, you may not have found like, "Hey, this is too stressful. I don't want to do the food business anymore. Let me cook and love it again, and do it because I love it."

Chris Gage:

I think it's to look for the positive points of those things. And Holly and I talk a lot about that, if I didn't have the accident and I had continued with the food truck, we may have had COVID and that would have ended. So that's the positivity that I see out of it, but it's also that I could have continued on a path that I was on, and maybe it wouldn't have been the most healthy for myself, and I feel a lot more healthy now. As horrible as the whole thing was, there is something to be gained from it, I think.

Courtney Gray:

Gratitude. So you and Holly are talking about doing the burn camps moving forward. And I definitely want to stay in tune with you guys as you try to build this, and as you do build this. I'm not even going to say try, because it sounds like you're going to do it. What does that look like long-term? Have you guys gotten there yet?

Chris Gage:

Well, we started to talk about it after we had done the first burn camp moving forward with that, and then of course with the whole pandemic, it really put a halt to everything. And now we have this new piece with the positive growth and we're both very interested in that. And I think that's probably the direction that I would go with this and working together with Holly. As far as if we had a program that we developed to take the scar jewelry to different groups, I would be able to talk from my own experience to anybody that's had trauma, and probably to develop that part of it to teach the post-traumatic growth. How can you move forward? How can you bring a positive culmination to what happened? So we're working together and doing that.

Right now, we're trying to get back on developing that and thinking about it. And we're still sort of in this fuzzy period where we don't know if we can do this, necessarily, face-to-face, at this point, especially when it comes to healthcare type of situations. If we had to go into hospitals and things like that, or if we had to do it online. So we're starting to put together some things, certainly, on how to do it face-to-face, but, also, how to do it online, which I think would have its challenges as far as, how we could do that. Because, especially with Holly's part of it with the jewelry, there's going to be a lot of back and forth, theoretically, if a burn person was going to be part of this, they're not going to have a kiln at home to... So there's going to have to be some going back and forth of materials, so Holly can do some of that finishing and things like that.

Courtney Gray:

For sure.

Chris Gage:

But ideally it would be face-to-face and I think, probably, we'll get there, hopefully, but we also have to work on the online part of it. We're really interested in opening it up to not just burn people, but also anybody who's had trauma, even bringing it to first responders and things like that, could be people that have dealt with cancer. It's a whole world of possibilities. We're excited about it. We're starting to get some energy from it. It'll be really fun and interesting to see how this develops.

Courtney Gray:

I think it's amazing. I'm excited. And it's tough, there's some hurdles right now, for sure, with the face-to-face. It's, how do you touch and make things with people? It's difficult. It's a challenge, for sure. But the shifts that we've seen of online, I mean, it's amazing how much learning can happen from your own home. And I think that's something that's not going to go away. It's pretty exciting. But, yeah, something like this is definitely going to be a treat. Well, Chris, I want to keep in touch with you guys, and I'm so glad, thank you for being so open today and sharing your experience and your growth with us.

Chris Gage:

Thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed this, this was fun.

Courtney Gray:

I'm excited to share this with the community. And this is part of what I always say is the onward and upward, no matter what we're going through, we'll come out the other side, find that silver lining, focus on that, and just keep going.

Chris Gage:

Absolutely.

Courtney Gray:

Anything else you want to share before we say goodbye today?

Chris Gage:

Well, I guess I will say that, for myself, personally, it's been a journey and I've come a long way, because it's now so much easier to talk about this. But it has taken, really, three years to get myself to a point of wanting to talk about it enthusiastically, and sharing my story and trying to work with other people. And it's a process that is probably different for everyone. Just as grief is... everybody goes through grief their own way. There's certain steps, but everybody deals with it in their own way. And this process is interesting and exciting to me, because I just don't know what's going to happen next. And it's exciting, because it is a journey. It really is.

Courtney Gray:

I think it's good to talk it out too, you know?

Chris Gage:

Yeah.

Courtney Gray:

It helps us kind of process and sometimes we find answers in what we're saying. It's like, oh, oh, ping.

Chris Gage:

Yeah. Even though I said it, I didn't think about that.

Courtney Gray:

I didn't even know. Had to say it out loud to get it. Well, it's an honor to be that person to sit with you, Chris, as you share about this journey in such a positive way.

Chris Gage:

Well, thank you so much. I appreciate having [crosstalk 00:58:45]-

Courtney Gray:

Absolutely. My pleasure. And we're going to keep in touch with Mr. Holly Gage, just kidding. We'll keep watching your growth with the cabs, and the Scar Warrior jewelry, I think, it's going to be something really special that comes out of this.

Chris Gage:

Absolutely.

Courtney Gray:

Onward and upward. Thank you, Chris.

Chris Gage:

Thank you.

Courtney Gray:

Thanks for tuning in you guys. I hope you have enjoyed this episode of For the Love of Jewelers. Stay tuned for the next episode, by subscribing through Spotify, iTunes or by searching podcast@riogrande.com. I encourage you to rate us, write a review, and share with friends and colleagues. I hope you're all finding ways to stay inspired. I'm your host, Courtney Gray, until we get to connect again, onward and upward.