Ep. 349: Hot Car Infant Deaths: Just Bad Parents? [REMASTERED]

She used to ask "how could anybody do that?" Then it happened to her family.

Laura & Aaron Beck were devoted parents who, like many, were in the habit of judging other parents who left their child in the back seat of a car until the day it happened to them. In this episode, Laura shares the circumstances leading up to the accident, her new perspective on parenting, how you can prevent hot car infant death & how her non-profit is working for helpful legislative & automobile industry change.

This episode originally aired May 20, 2024.

If you liked this episode, you’ll also like episode 303: WHEN GRIEF GETS COMPLICATED: A STORY OF ADDICTION, SHAME & TRUTH

 Guest:

https://www.andersonsalert.org/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091688697854

Sponsors: 

https://www.historicpensacola.org/about-us/ 

2:07 "How Could Anybody Do That?"

4:10 The Day Before: A Warning She Missed

5:41 From Judgment to Curiosity

8:29 "These Aren't Bad Parents"

13:44 A New Work Schedule Changes Everything

21:00 A Storm of Small Events

24:33 The Last "I Love You"

31:12 The Call That Changed Everything

36:15 How She Sees Other Parents Now

38:20 Only Three States Require a Callback

39:51 Shifting Perception Before Problem-Solving

40:36 The Statistics: 50 Deaths a Year

41:36 Why Near Misses Go Uncounted

44:00 Starting Anderson's Alert

45:48 Waiting on NHTSA's Hot Car Rule

48:05 Practical Ways to Prevent Hot Car Deaths

51:58 Rear Seat Reminders Aren't Enough

52:43 Hot Car Awareness Belongs in Every Parenting Guide

53:53 Where to Find Laura and Her Podcast

Request to join my private Facebook Group, MFR Curious Insiders: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1BAt3bpwJC/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Dozens of children die each year in the United States from hot car death. We hear about this on the news and think, how could this happen? We think it must be careless parenting. Were they hung over? That could never happen to me. My next guest is working to both reverse the stigma and prevent more deaths. She's the founder of Anderson's Alert, a nonprofit dedicated to car safety regulation and public education. She's also someone whose child was a victim of a hot car death. Today she's going to share how we can come together and prevent these needless deaths and share her story of both tragedy and hope, advocating through grief, creating legacy and legislation, fellow podcaster Laura Beck. I am so glad you're here. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. I think we have to first thank our mutual friend Scott Johnson of the What Was That Like podcast for introducing us.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Yes, definitely a shout out to him.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

So he's he's definitely a good guy and he's got a great show. And that's where you first connected to tell your story. So would highly recommend that episode for anybody that is interested after we finish our talk here today. So absolutely. I also feel like you and I have I'll call it different flavors of the same goal, right? Yeah. Because you're overcoming judgment with information. I'm overcoming judgment with the hopefully inspiring thought to be more curious. And it's something that that's easy to talk about in broad terms, but it's hard to do on a personal level. It's hard to be curious, right? It's easier to be judgmental. It's easier to just not be curious at all. And you struggled yourself with being a little bit judgmental of other parents at times. Can you tell me a little bit about that part of your mindset just two days before the accident?

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yeah, so seeing on the news children that have been left in cars and have passed away due to heat stroke, the first question that comes to your mind is how the hell would anybody do that? How can anyone do that? And I myself definitely was that person. Um, I remember seeing stories on the news and reading articles and not really going too in-depth and not figuring out what is actually happening. Like what is happening behind the scenes in somebody's head when a child is in the backseat of the car. And like everybody else that is, you know, not aware of how it can happen, I judged. I will throw myself under the bus before anybody else does. And I was that person. I thought how uh awful this parent must be, a caregiver, whoever it is, to have to put something in their in their back seat. We see, you know, little tips and tricks and things on the news about how to remedy this and how to prevent it from happening. And of course, the first thing you ask is, why would anybody need to put their purse in the backseat? Why would I have to put my left shoe in the backseat? Isn't your child enough to remember that yes, they are enough, but we're all human. And forgetting is not a crime. Nobody intentionally is forgetting their child. So after it happened, I struggled for weeks, for months, still not knowing, not understanding, knowing that it did happen. But how could this happen? Knowing my husband is the most attentive, obsessed person over our child. We both were, we were the best parents that I knew. And um, you know, two days prior to my son losing his life, I was at the grocery store, and I thought as I'm putting the cart back into the corral, and I always park right next to those cart corrals because I never want to put Anderson in the backseat, you know, in his car seat, and then have to walk five cars away. So I would always park near that, swing it, you know, into the cart corral, get back in the car. And on this particular day, it was on June 26th, and I remember thinking to myself, I put him in. And when I opened the car door, I could just feel the heat, like this huge gush of heat hit me. And the first thing that I thought of was, oh my God, I gotta get the the car turned on, I gotta get the air conditioning on. And I my next thought was, how the hell do people do this? But it was, it was just so quick in my mind that I didn't put any more thought into it. I didn't think about it long enough to say, you know what, how do people do this? Let me go home and actually research this. I never got curious because I immediately thought this will never happen to me. This would never happen to my husband. It was it was never a thought. Never a thought in in our minds, my mind at least.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

You know, uh I love the difference that you just highlighted there. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but you went, how the hell do people do this? To how does that happen? Like there's really the same question, but asked with very different intentions. And to be fair to people who are watching mainstream news, most of mainstream news is meant to inflame. Like it's it's a headline, and also their platform isn't really designed for that nuance, right? Um, and but to your point, when you have a question like that where you notice within yourself that snap judgment, like what the fuck was wrong with people that they have to put their stupid left shoe in the back of their car instead to approach it with curiosity, like, how serious of a problem is this? Why why is this happening? Is there anything I can do to learn about it? So I I love I love that you just did that.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Yeah. And you know, I wish that I had then the mentality that I do now. And I feel like I've always been an open-minded person. Like I, you know, I welcome other people's debates and, you know, let's talk about it. But I never in my life have been this open-minded in understanding of other people's situations and this topic, obviously, more than I am now. And it has really opened my eyes to not just this, you know, topic, but everything else. And again, what you were saying about the media, how they portray it. Well, they write a narrative that we look at and that's that's all it is. We just see that. And we're not diving in and figuring things out for ourselves. We're just seeing it on the news, and well, that's a shitty parent. They must be on drugs, they must be on, you know, drinking, or they, you know, and that's so far from the truth. There are lawyers, doctors, teachers, somebody from the auto industry that has suffered these losses. These are not just parents who are not paying attention that don't love their child. These parents aren't walking out of their house that morning and saying, today looks like a good day to leave my child in a car. Yeah. To suffer. No one's doing that. A very, very small percentage. And I can guarantee you that when it's somebody that you know personally, if it has not happened to you, but it is somebody that you know personally, your mindset will change. Yeah. And that is exactly what happened to me. And for all of the parents out there that I had judged growing up and seeing these, you know, um, it's the grief and the just everything that comes along with it is it's a lot. It's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

It is. Well, let's let's go back to when when you and your husband, Aaron, found out that you were pregnant, because you know, there is that temptation to have that people have to think like, oh, well, they didn't want a baby anyway, or something like that. So it was 2017. No. You met in 2017, we and you had Ander you found out you're pregnant with Anderson in 2020. What was y'all's reaction to finding out that you're pregnant?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Well, so my Google memories just showed me four years ago when we found out that we were pregnant. So it was on May 2nd, and he had gone into the office. It was a Saturday, and he went into the office to go do some overtime. And I had been repotting plants outside and talking to my best friend, and I was telling her that, like, I feel kind of, you know, I feel different. And he said, you know, you should take a pregnancy test. And we we had moved right before the pandemic hit, and when we moved different states, I didn't have a doctor yet. I had stopped taking birth control. We knew full well what we were doing. We had every intention on getting pregnant. And then when it finally happened, the day I had called him, well, I texted him, and I said, you might want to bring a frozen pizza home and a pregnancy test. And uh he came home and um we uh it was just one of the best days of my whole entire life and our lives together to to find out that we were pregnant. We were so excited, and I have a video of him like hugging the dogs, and we went for a walk that day. We took our dogs for a walk, and we just couldn't stop saying, Are we pregnant? This is happening, and then I went back home. Yeah, and he's like, You gotta take another one. Like, what if that's not right? How would you describe you and Arrow parenting style? Oh my gosh, I think we were the coolest parents. We had the coolest kid. He was sorry, we were very, very much always up our son's butt. If we weren't on the floor playing with him, we were holding him, we were dancing with him, and I don't ever want to say that we were like any typical normal family because we weren't. We, you know, Aaron and I had the best relationship. We were partners in everything. That was my teammate, and to watch him become a father and just fall so effortlessly into fatherhood to come down. I used to work from home. I used to come downstairs on my breaks and my lunches. And I would find Aaron just standing there holding Anderson dancing and feeding him and playing with him outside, watering the wildflowers together, just doing everything all the time, the three of us. It was just always us, this trio. And Anderson was the happiest baby, and obsessed is an understatement. We were just like, we want another one, but we kind of don't want to mess this up because what if we're not gonna be able to do that?

SPEAKER_00 12:55

What if we peaked, but like we peaked early? Let's quit while we're ahead. So you guys were definitely not practicing that 70s style parenting, like, hey kid, let yourself in, you know, like no, definitely not, definitely not.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

I was very much a helicopter mom. I never wanted Anderson to get like hurt, you know. I'm trying to keep Anderson off of the steps from climbing, and I'm upstairs working, and that same exact day, I hear Aaron say, Babe, he's learning to climb the steps. And I'm like, wanting to learn. Oh my gosh. But uh yeah, it was just such a good partnership. And we, like I said earlier, we were the best parents that I knew, and it was it was just the best time in our lives together.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

You mentioned working from home. Tell me about you and Aaron's daily routine.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

It was June that I had just gotten a new schedule. I was on like a three to midnight. So our schedule was he would pick Anderson up from daycare. I would take him to daycare. And then I ended up being eligible for a shift bid. It was going into summer, and Aaron and I talked about not wanting to work so much, you know, outside of what his work schedule was. Like, let's try to get on the best schedule together so we can spend more time together. And um, I had put in a shift bid at work and I won that, and I got a regular, I think it was seven to three or seven to four. I can't remember. It was a morning job. And I started to go straight from my bedroom into my office in the morning now. So now Aaron is taking Anderson to daycare, and I was the one now picking him up from daycare.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

And so that was the routine change that happened. How how many days or weeks was that change in effect before the accident?

SPEAKER_01 15:03

It was the first week of June that I worked my first shift on that different time change. Um, so it was the first week going into the second week of June, and it wasn't a schedule that had been put in place for very long. And there were some other kind of changes and shifts within our schedule leading up to the days before the accident. Can you talk about what those dynamics were? So we had just got a puppy for Anderson. We had gone out on our first date, Aaron and myself, our neighbor actually had just volunteered. Are you guys doing anything today? We can watch the baby if you want to go anywhere. I initially said no. And then I went in and I said, Oh, they just asked. And he goes, Are you crazy? Like, let's let's get out of the house. Let's go. So we went out, and after a few old fashions, we ended up at uh we ended up at one of our local breweries that we always went to, and we were just kind of capping off the night, and somebody walked up to us with a puppy, and it just kind of got the wheels turning. And we were like, you know, Miles, our dog that Aaron has had since he's a puppy, he's a little bit older, and we kind of wanted Anderson to have a dog to grow up with. And we had agreed that night, um, we were gonna get a dog. So the very next morning, I had said to Aaron, I said, Are we really doing this? Like, is this you know, or just because we were out drinking? Like, what's the idea? Yeah, and he said, No, let's let's I'm serious. I want to get I want to get a puppy for Anderson. So we ended up getting we got our puppy. So we got a new dog, and that in itself was chaos. Like, you think running around after a toddler is chaos? Throw a puppy, a pit box. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Two breeds that I never even had. Yeah, it was it was just sheer chaos. We ended up having a little cookout for my brother and some of his friends, and Archie, the puppy, had gotten into the trash apparently. So I didn't know that. That was like early on in the week, and a couple days goes by and he's not feeling well, I have to take him to the emergency vet. So it's Friday now, it's the 24th of June, I would say. And instead of me picking Anderson up from daycare, I had spent all Friday in the emergency vet with this puppy. So I had text Aaron, can you pick Anderson up from daycare? So that right there was already off of our new schedule that we had just started.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

So there were two changes of schedule. There was the previous long-standing schedule, and then the switch of to the schedule that you won through the schedule bid, and then the puppy dynamic, and then a last minute change because of the puppy dynamic.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Yeah, so that was on Friday. Saturday, it was just a regular, regular day. It was a pool day outside, and um, we were just Anderson and I were swimming all day. Aaron was cutting the grass, and it was that Sunday that Anderson started to not feel well, and I thought that you know, we need to adhere to child care, their policy of being fever-free for 24 hours. So he had a little bit of a fever. He spiked earlier on in the day on Sunday. So I had emailed through the app on daycare. I emailed them and I said, you know, Anderson was sick yesterday. He's not going to be in today. We're just adhering to your policy. He doesn't even have a fever anymore, you know. And they thanked me and they said, Well, we'll miss him today. And um Monday, Aaron and I had to figure out, you know, since he's not going to daycare, we also you have to keep in mind, we just moved here before the pandemic. So we don't have any family here. We have our neighbors and we have our coworkers. We're not really dealing with like a whole social, you know, circle here. So we had decided to kind of finagle our own schedules where I could be up working, he would be downstairs working for a little bit, watching Anderson, and then I would come down at lunch, he could leave and go to work, and then I would be with the baby the rest of Monday. So again, thrown off schedule once more. And that's when uh Monday Anderson was feeling fine. I remember Aaron texting me later that that afternoon on Monday and said, How's our boy doing? And I sent him a picture of him sitting at the table with his foot up on his plate. He had just got done eating his lunch, and I said, I think he's feeling better. And um, you know, it was that night that he had woken up in the middle of the night, and I always thrived on this. I loved when he would wake up so I could go get him and bring him into bed with me. And uh he woke up and I thought, oh, maybe he doesn't feel good, or maybe it's just like every other night where he just doesn't want to sleep by himself. So I took him into our bed, and um that morning I thought that he was still sick. He was just really warm, but I took his temperature. He wasn't. It was just because it's June, and one of us, either my husband or myself, put him in long-footed pajamas, and plus you have a duvet, and then he's in between us, so of course he's gonna be hot. But at four o'clock in the morning, Aaron and I are now both up, and my mind is not working correctly. So I immediately go onto my work app and I switch my schedule to to be off. And I thought, oh, he's sick again, like I gotta keep him home. And um we laid back down and got up. He was fine. He all he wanted to do was watch cartoons and eat breakfast, which you know, usually he eats breakfast at daycare. So we were up earlier. We had been up throughout the morning, so now we're, you know, kind of. Our sleep is interrupted. We've had schedule changes. Our son missed school yesterday. And I just took off work a couple hours ago thinking that he was still sick. But here he was perfectly fine. And when Aaron got ready to go to work, I had said to him, When you drop him off at daycare, just let them know if at any point that he looks like he's not feeling well, again, being a helicopter mom, my kid's fine. And I said, I'll be here, but I'm going to text my manager and try to get back on the schedule. There's no need for me to be off and then send him to school. So he ended up, they left. And I went upstairs to go grab my son's laundry to start doing that before I went, you know, logged into work. And I heard the door open downstairs into the laundry room, which was where our um the door was to go out near the garage. And I don't know what came over me, but I just immediately I had said, What's wrong? And like I didn't see my husband. I just heard the door open. I could hear him coming in, and he just said nothing. I forgot my phone. I said, Oh, I took it downstairs and I put it on the table for you. And he said, Okay. And I said, I love you. Be safe. And that was the last time that I ever heard him walk out the door. And with all of those things, and now looking back almost two years later, I never even touched my husband's phone. I never, I never moved things, and I moved his phone that morning. And I feel like if he would have grabbed it, and I know it sounds like I'm placing a lot of blame on myself, but it was just a whole storm of events. And, you know, we went from him not being at school the day prior to I'm gonna keep him home from school, but I didn't say anything to no, go ahead and take him to school, he's fine. And then I moved Aaron's phone, which like caused him to go out to the car. He put our baby in the back seat, you know, all is well. But that threw him off. And those are like the visual cues and the parts of the memory. Your muscle memory too.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Like, you know, you you do things in a way every day that cause you to, even if you're not a hundred percent awake because you've been up early with a puppy and a baby and all this stuff, like your muscle memory would still kick in. So I think everyone can relate to to that. Um, you know, oh, I didn't my keys aren't here, and I always grab them, and you didn't even realize, yeah. I think people can relate to that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Yeah. So I definitely, even to this day, I I don't touch, like if somebody leaves something in the room, I I don't ever touch anything anymore. It's just um the whole change in routine and being sleep deprived and being stressed out, whether at work or at home or you know, whatever, whatever the the case is, it's happening to people, obviously, us, you know, and it's what's not covered on those headlines.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

It's the it's the answer to the question you asked at the very beginning. How does that happen? What is happening behind the scenes? Yeah, certainly the answer, the specificities of the answer are different for every family, but for your family, I think you painted a pretty good picture of what was happening, you know, and and what can happen as a result of that. So, Aaron, yeah, he went to work and then take us from there. Well, hey there. Since you seem to be enjoying this episode so far, double check that you've hit the follow button on your podcast listening app and subscribe on YouTube. And to join my free private Facebook group, search MFR Curious Insiders on Facebook or click the link in the show notes. Okay, back to the show.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

So I I had went to work in the office. Um, I, you know, was able to get back on the schedule. I text my manager. I said there's no need for me to be off. My my baby's fine, he's at daycare. So, you know, I got on my computer and I'm working, and I thought to myself, oh, he has a 4th of July parade coming up this weekend. And I know that my in-laws were coming down to come watch him in his little daycare 4th of July parade. It was gonna be so cute. It was yeah. So I um I had been sitting there working, and I'm also going through the email, and I see that I forgot to sign up for decorations, and I thought, oh, I have perfect Fourth of July decorations. So I'm just doing my thing. I'm working, I'm doing this. And I thought to myself, it's been a couple hours and I haven't heard anything come through the daycare app. Usually I get notifications saying Anderson drank what however many ounces Anderson had goldfish, applesauce, you know, whatever for a breakfast or a snack. And um, I didn't get anything that day. And I thought, well, that's really weird. And I kept like checking the app. And so I finally I sent a message through it and I just said, Hey, I just want to make sure Anderson's feeling okay. And that's when I was on the phone with a a customer, and my phone rang, and I was ending that call. So I I hurried up and I called daycare back. And when she had said that Anderson didn't show up today, I immediately thought, like, what are you talking about? Like, yes, he did. I listened to my husband leave and then come back, and then he left again. And she did, I I just I heard the fear in her voice, but I wasn't comprehending that. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what had happened. And when she said, Let me go check his classroom, and I can hear her on the phone, I can hear her heels like walking down the hallway, and I hear her open the door and I hear her ask, Did Anderson Beck show up today? And the teacher, I can hear the teacher playing his day in the back saying, No, he's not here. And I just hung up the phone. I knew that something was not right, but it's almost like my brain was fighting reality, and I was like making up an excuse as I'm calling, you know, Aaron. I'm thinking, he must have like taken him shopping. What would have he probably went to breakfast? And then I thought, no, Laura, like he's never done that ever in 18 months. Like, why would he do that? I would have been there. We we would have taken the day off together and have done those things together. And all of this is going through my brain. And I I call Aaron and he answered so casually, and all I said was, Hey, what's up? And I just I just started yelling. I said, Aaron, where is Anderson? And at that time, he still didn't it didn't click. He said, What? What do you mean? I said, Aaron, he is not at daycare, where is our fucking child? And that's when I I heard him like immediately just shit. And the phone cut off. And I immediately went, I ran and I put clothes on. I, you know, I'm running downstairs and I'm calling him and calling him and calling him. And um, he's not picking up the phone. And finally, I don't know if he intended to pick up the phone or if it was an accident. Um, but it just sounded like the phone was far away, it was muffled, and I could hear him crying in the background. And um, that's when I like got into my car and I'm calling 911 as I'm like driving to his work. So Yeah, he he went straight to work that morning instead of taking Anderson to daycare.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

How long before you got to the work parking lot?

SPEAKER_01 31:22

It was within minutes. Um I could never find my way to my husband's job without GPS because we were new to the area, the pandemic hit, we had a baby, I'm not traveling anywhere, I'm not doing anything, so I'm panicking. I'm feeling like I'm in a nightmare right now. I don't know what has happened. I just know that whatever is happening is not good. And um I remember being on the phone with dispatch with 911, and they said, Do you need to turn around and go home? And I'm like, No, I'm I have to go to my baby. And I know I was there within minutes because I I I remember driving down the highway with my Ford, my my blinkers on, and um, by the time I got there, cops were already there, but Aaron was not. He had already left. Where did he go? At the time, no one knew. I got a message from him, a random message, that said, go to hospital right now. And it wasn't until the cop asked if we had our location turned on. And it like clicked in my mind. I thought, oh my god, yes, we do have our location turned on because in April he had gone on a fishing trip, and it was the first time that he had ever left, and it was just the baby and me. So we had made sure that he was, you know, going on this trip, and we wanted to make sure that we knew where each other were at all times. And um the cop took my phone and you know, Aaron had sent that message to go to the hospital, and the cop is saying, Well, what's this street? And I said, Well, that's our home. And the cop just kept saying, Well, that's where it's showing his location. And I said, That's not possible. Why would he go home? He's telling me to go to the hospital, and they're saying, Well, we we we've called every hospital, nobody has been admitted, we can't find anybody. And, you know, it wasn't until later that I found out my husband had driven home, and at some point we passed each other on the highway unknowingly, and um, he had told me to go to the hospital to get me out of the house so he could go in to the house, and um he ended up taking his own life because of what happened. And um I wasn't there. I left to go to be with him and my baby, and um it was I was at his work in the parking lot wondering what the fuck was happening. Yeah. So I can assure you people are not out of here doing this intentionally. Yeah, and that's um, you know, one of the things that makes me realize not just because I'm his wife. It's imagine opening the door to the backseat of your car and seeing what has happened because of what you did, because of what you forgot and not meaning to do that, but that one mistake just it it just immediate shame and uh guilt and sorrow.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

It's such a compound from what we think happens, you know. We we think that people leave their kid in the car so that they can go and get cigarettes from the Circle K, but that's not what's happening most of the time. Of course, we can't speak for every situation, but for this situation that I I mean, y'all were like your Anderson was your world, you know, and so yeah, but how has this changed how you see other parents now?

SPEAKER_01 36:19

Well, I obviously I'm I'm advocating and trying to make people more aware of these tragedies, how they happen, how easily they happen, how they can be prevented. Um you know I I want parents to look at this a topic with more of an open mind and really kind of process how if if they're stressed, if they have a plan in place of, you know, uh with their daycare, with i it's just everything that has happened, I feel like I am very sensitive to my friends and like you know, a lot of my friends don't really have babies anymore, but when I do see friends of friends or you know, people having children, I'm always like, listen, you please know this. And you know, the majority of those people know the story, and they are, you know, obviously well aware of what happened, but it definitely makes you more understanding and empathetic. And I have said this a million times in the last 22 months that it takes a village, it truly, truly takes a village, and I have a very hard time letting go of the fact that our daycare did not call me to ask if Anderson was coming to school because we never that is unusual just is there broadcasts. Is there is that there was always community?

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Is there normally rules or guidelines or laws for childcares to call those in? There's not.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

No. In the entire United States, there are three states, and two of them are regulations, with one being a law that childcare has to call when a parent has not given notification of a child being absent that day and the child has not shown up. So out of our whole country, there are only three states on board that are actually calling parents. And that's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

Wow. And that's why you are so adamant about make a plan. And what stands out to me is something you said about it takes a village. I was thinking about how many godparents help with kids and how many grandparents help with kids and and neighbors help with kids. And so this isn't just information for people with infants, you know, because if we can first things first change the perception of who this happens to and probably how frequently it happens, then we can start going into okay, let's be constructive mode, right? But if I don't, I really don't think that you can problem solve from a place of judgment. So what I love what you're doing and with your podcast, which we'll definitely uh talk about in a second, is to first let's take a shift to that perception that you are somehow, you and your family, your friends are immune from this happening. I was reading the statistics, and I want to know what what your thoughts are on this. Between 2017 and 2019, there were almost 50 hot car infant deaths a year. 50, 5-0. And then after that, it dropped to about half. Was there something helpful that had happened after that that allowed there to be half the number?

SPEAKER_01 40:36

No, I look at the statistics now, and I know that 2022, when my Anderson died, that average was about 38. And I think last year it was um, it was a few below, it was in like 29, 28, or 29, I think.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

I can't remember. So it's still around the 30s.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Yeah. Um the the way that it fluctuates, the average each year is about 37 to 38 children. Since 1990, there have been 1,083 deaths of children ages 14 and under. And sadly, you know, the last couple days before doing this podcast, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to change that number. And um, there was a baby that was reported on Friday. So the total obviously inevitably will go up, but you know, it's it's usually in that in that range.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

And that's not including the near misses. No. That near misses is something that I was completely not aware of um until meeting you and you educating me about it. Can you tell me why counting near misses and talking about them matters?

SPEAKER_01 41:53

So there's obviously a stigma behind hot car deaths. We think that they're just negligent parents, that nobody cares. But what people aren't talking about are the times where it's almost happened to them. Because who wants to admit that? If your baby is okay, you're not calling 911 on yourself. If your baby is obviously fine and they're not suffering from any type of brain damage, um you're not you're not calling 911. You're not calling um, you know, your coworkers to tell them about what just happened. You're not right telling your friends about it. Most or even family members.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Like you probably wouldn't call your mom and be like, guess what just happened? But if you know, I don't know, if you did, it might it I don't know. Do you think it would happen?

SPEAKER_01 42:47

No. That and that's the thing. That is what I personally feel because I think that for somebody to call, so say that you're in the parking lot, you go into the grocery store, you've done put three things in your cart, and then you realize, oh my God, my child is out in the car, in the car seat. And you go out, the baby's fine, thank goodness. You're gonna scare yourself shitless, and you're gonna be on your toes, and you're gonna take preventative measures, you're going to be cautious. And yeah, you might tell somebody that you almost did this, but chances are you're not calling the authorities, so it's not being reported. So now the media is not showcasing that. The media is not telling you how many people out here, normal people that are stressed, that have changes in routines, you're not seeing any of that. What you're seeing are the average number of children each year dying, but you're not seeing everything else behind that child and that family, and you're also not seeing everybody else that had a close call.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Right, right. And that's part of what you're covering on your podcast, right? Can you share about that?

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Yeah. So I, after this happened, I've had people who have reached out to me and you know, have said this almost happened. And I, too, like yourself, was a very judgmental person on how can people do this. And when it happens to you, you understand how easily it can happen. And it's not something that, you know, we're trying to normalize by any means. But the more that we know about it, the more that we understand how it happens, the more we can kind of be on our toes and be more alert. That's why I started the podcast. That's why I started Anderson's Alert. There needs to be more attention brought to it. And the near misses, I am trying to collect those stories because again, that data, we're not going to have a chart broken down with everybody that who, you know, everybody that has forgotten unknowingly left their child in the in the backseat of their car.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

And podcasting is such the right platform to do this because unless it's also video, the person can be completely anonymous. And sharing that gives gives purpose to certainly your pain, but it can also leverage the fear and the panic that they felt into something very productive and very helpful. The data is also helpful for legislative change, which is something I understand you're also working on.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

Yeah. So there is, um, I don't know if you're familiar with it, it's the it's NHTSA, um, NHTSA, it's the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. They're responsible for keeping everybody on roadways safe. And NHTSA is somebody that we are waiting so, so patiently for. They keep passing the deadline and postponing it. And we're waiting for NHTSA to issue the final hot car rule, which would mandate automakers to install devices that truly detect a human life in the backseat of a vehicle. I'm not talking rear seat reminders because those are great, but those are not reliable upon to save your child's life. So with legislation, I, you know, that this is all so new and foreign to me. And trying to get the right people to listen to you is hard. And again, you look at the numbers, and when your baby is tied to that statistic, that's a lot. But for politicians, the numbers aren't big enough to make those changes. Right. And that's sad. How many more babies have to continue dying? How many more families' lives are ruined, are uprooted? There are so many families that have to go through the court system because of these tragedies. And but there are so many ways that we can bring more awareness to it, and it's it's not out there. So that's why I, you know, I started the podcast, and my hopes for it are to bring more people who, if you want to be anonymous, be anonymous. That's fine. I get it. Totally understand why you would not want to be known, you know, in public. But without your voice, we can't destigmatize this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

So and without destigmatization, you can't make the precautionary changes. So what are things that people can do? I know we're running out of time a little bit, but what are the things that people can do to prevent hot car deaths? You put mentioned putting a shoe in the backseat. I really like that. Um, you mentioned um having a plan with your daycare. What else do you know about that would be helpful for parents and caretakers?

SPEAKER_01 48:24

So definitely anybody who is watching your child have a plan in place. Whether, you know, you're in a state that doesn't have a law because that state is New Jersey, New York, and Florida. So if you're not in those states, you need to really talk to your child care. I don't care if you are sending your child up the street to your neighbor who's 60 years old and you pay 50 bucks a week. We were paying 367 a week and our daycare did not call us. It does not matter how reputable, how prestigious, wherever your child may be going, you need to have a plan in place with your child care or whoever is watching. And if your baby has not shown up, you request and require a phone call. Check in with your partners, ask, is there anything I can, you know, maybe help with? Are you, you know, are are you stressed or are you um okay to run this errand this day, or will this mess this up? And you know, I'm just looking at things now that I wish I would have been able to, you know, I I wish I would have had these little tidbits. And um another one is, you know, warmer weather is coming up and we're pretty much there. It doesn't have to be hot out, it it can still be in the 50s or 60s, and it's called the greenhouse effect. Your car can it can still heat up and your child can still suffer, knowing that school is coming to an end for a lot of people. You have teachers whose schedules are changing. Be mindful of your routines, be very, very mindful. And there are things that you can do. Um, there are third-party devices that you can buy for car seats and to plug into your cigarette lighter and to, you know, put on your phone, but put your phone in the backseat. I know it sounds shitty, but listen to me. I know that sounds shitty. Because what is more important than a human life, your baby? But I am telling you, just put the fucking inanimate object in the backseat of your car. Because it will help. Your shoe, your phone, whatever you find of importance that you're fighting with the fact that you should even put it back there. Just put it in the backseat. That's all. And rear seat reminders, you might be excited that your car has that, but please know that most of those alerts, those systems, are only triggered when a back door is open. Go out to your car now, go take a ride, open, open your back seat, turn your car off, you'll get it. But imagine having your baby in your back seat before you're taking him to daycare. You need to stop at the gas station. You've opened your door to put the baby in, now you've shut it. You arrive at the gas station, you turn the car off, you get that alert, check back seat, you turn the car off, you pump your gas, you get back into your front seat. You you didn't unlock the back door and open it. So you shut your car off again, you're not gonna get that. So now you've driven to the gas station, your child sleeping in the back. Yeah. And you go straight to work.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Yeah, there's there's flaws to that, which is why I think the the work that you're doing is so important because if there's a place where parents and caretakers can share their near misses and can share, you know, updated information or tips, there may be something in there that will be helpful for for parents. Because when you think about parents getting ready to be parents, right? Like you read all the magazines and you read all the books and you, oh my gosh, Pinterest, you know, like you're doing all these things to make sure that you raise a healthy, happy baby. I think there's no other way to make hot car death awareness more a part of that than what you're doing, is what I'm trying to say. Like, I think the reason people don't want to put their their shoe or their phone or their purse in the backseat is because they feel like I'm a better parent than that anyway. And what if someone's like, why are you getting out of your car with one shoe on? Oh, you know, so I don't leave my baby in the car. Like, no one wants to say that, but you are doing something really special because you're allowing people to say what's not allowed to be said. And that's why I said you and I have different flavors of the same goal, because what you're doing is way more important than what I'm doing, I think. But but it it it matters. And so thank you so much for putting yourself out there on your show, coming on here and sharing this information on mine and um just doing what you're doing. I'm I'm really impressed by it. So as we wrap, tell people where they can follow you on socials and where they can find your podcast.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Yeah, so my podcast is called Beck's Backseat to Change, and um you can find that on Apple, Spotify, and my website is Beck'sbackseat.com, and I'm on Instagram at Beck's Backseat Podcast and also Facebook. Uh Bex Backseat to Change. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:12

Thanks, Laura.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

Thank you, Meredith.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

Thanks for listening. Since you've made it this far, I'd like to invite you to be a part of my private Facebook group. And there I post content that I don't share anywhere else. You can talk to me directly about past and future episodes, and I even do occasional giveaways. Search MFR Curious Insiders on Facebook or click the link in the show notes. If you liked this episode, you'll also like the one about complicated grief with the ESPN sideline reporter who found out her parents died on the same day of a secret drug addiction. That's episode 303. And stay tuned next week when I talk with an economist to ask if we're rehabilitating criminals or just recycling them. Until then, keep it curious.