EP 23: Caring for your aging parents (Part 1)

Part 1 of 2 (Aging Parents) 

Is your family ready? As we are coming off of the holidays, and you may have spent time with your parents, or siblings and have the the slightest feeling that you should start preparing for the future of aging, this podcast episode will help answer some of the questions.  We have a tendency to avoid things that make us uncomfortable, but with 10,000 people turning 65 every day, it’s not a matter of it this is going to affect you, it’s a matter of when.  Kelli Bradley, is an expert on caregiving, and has both lived the journey personally while caring for her parents, but she will also share her knowledge and insight and empower you to take on this challenge with grace.  You’ll find yourself prepared to for the future, and ready to ask the tough questions.  
Kelli is a native Oregonian who has dedicated the last twenty years of her life both personally and professionally to senior care. Kelli's mom was diagnosed with diabetes many years ago, and she suffered multiple complications ranging from blindness to kidney failure. It was during that time Kelli realized they were not the only family struggling to find solutions for care. That realization led her to create and run one of the leading in-home care companies. Over the next decade, Kelli served hundreds of families, helping them to navigate the ins and outs of caring for an aging family member.  

But Kelli knew something was still missing. Kelli knew there was more to helping families than just in-home care. The Devoted Daughter was soon born — a comprehensive resource for family caregivers. Kelli serves her clients through workshops, speaking events, and digital courses. She also published her first book titled, "Always Her Daughter." The book is part memoir and part caregiver manual.

To learn more about her services, you can visit thedevotedduaghter.com and visit her on social media.

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Transcript

Amy Schmidt:   0:01
Hey there. I'm Amy. And welcome to the broadcast. Fearlessly facing 50. This podcast is about conversations and connections. And my mission is to encourage women over 40 to live their best life. You know what, ladies? We haven't peaked yet, and we are just getting started. So if you're ready for some real talk with real people and real conversations about what really matters you found the right place. I'm ready. Are you ready? Let's get started. Let's get riel. Hey there. I'm Amy. And welcome to the fearlessly facing 50 podcast. Thanks for joining in today. And before we get started with our topic, I have to share something with you. And actually, I want to shout this one from the rooftops because I think it's that great. So about 18 months ago, actually, about 20 months ago, I got ahold of something that I think was a game changer. Actually, I know was a game changer. If you're familiar with Dr Christie Funk, she is a breast surgeon. She is all about chicken breast cancers, but and she is very well known for research and development around all things. Menopause, hormones, cancer. You name it about a year ago, she was on G. M A. With Amy Robach, who is a breast cancer survivor herself, and she went into early menopause and they were talking about something. I have been trying something called Menopause Miracle. Now, hey, we're mid Lifers were out. There were either in peri menopause, menopause or post menopause. We gotta hit one of those things. It's like purity. It starts, it ends and there's a middle that's not so great. But you know what? Men of house miracles been amazing. It's a one a day supplement that I've been taking. It helps with hot flashes. It helps with Rose Atia, which I developed in perimenopause. It helps with everything. So if you wake up and you're in a deep sweat and you're thinking the fans blowing on me and I really don't like this or lack of sleep or just forgetfulness all of that stuff that comes with menopause, give it a try. I will link menopause Miracle. You can read about it in the episode notes, but check it out. It's definitely worth it. It's been a game changer for me. Today's episode we're gonna be digging deep into the topic of aging parents Something that I know is near to dear off many of your hearts. As we hit middle age and beyond, we see changes in our parents, and sometimes it can create challenges. So sit back and enjoy my conversation with care giving expert Kelly Bradley. It's something that becomes common in our conversations with our friends and family. At this stage of life, there are challenges for sure. But there are also so many resource is available for us. And Kelly is here to share not only her own personal journey but her professional expertise to dig deeper into areas that we need to really open the dialogue about. So, Kelly, welcome. I'm so excited to have you here today.

Kelli Bradley:   3:23
I'm so happy to be here. And it's an honor. Really.

Amy Schmidt:   3:27
Amy, thank you for having me. Oh, absolutely. After so much information here that I had mentioned in my pre record that we're gonna break this into a series. In addition to that, Kelly has some other resource is available to you that she will talk about, but I don't want you when you're listening, you're gonna listen to this, and you're gonna say, Wow, there is so much I need to do. And Kelly and I both have the same where aligned on this goal of we don't want it to be overwhelming. We want it to be a resource. We want it to be insightful. So as you go along with this, just realized that there will be a series. This will be a serious Kelly will be on a couple of times as well as she has. Resource is available to to to really dig deeper into some things that we might just hit the, you know, right on the periphery of So, Kelly, could you just share a little bit about

Kelli Bradley:   4:14
your personal journey? Sure. So when I was in my thirties, my mom was diagnosed with diabetes, and at the time, it just didn't seem like a big deal. But fast forward. Over the course of this horrible chronic disease, she had seen over 47 different doctors for seven. Yeah, went from everything from diabetes. Basically, it took her vision, so she was clinically blind. Um, she lost her kidney function, so she was on dialysis. She had open heart surgery, breast cancer, pancreatic cancer and neuropathy.

Amy Schmidt:   4:54
Oh, my goodness.

Kelli Bradley:   4:55
Yeah, it was pretty heart wrenching. And, yes, just even I know that your listeners, most of them, will never ghost through such a medically complex experience. But caring for her lead me to own and operate an in home care company for 11 years because as we were out visiting with doctors and going through this experience right, I kept seeing so many people that didn't have family support. I I was thinking myself, What happens to them? I exactly, I have family support and I'm desperately seeking more help. So long story short, I in the middle of all this I started Thean home care company, except during that time I served over 1000 families. But I kept hearing same questions over and over again. And it's like I thought to myself, Let's you know, let's face it, nobody teaches you how to care for your aging parents.

Amy Schmidt:   5:55
No, now they don't. They don't. It's just something that you'd you almost shy away from, to be honest, because you just don't know it. It's such a you know, you wrote something in your book that said, the person that was your hero now needs help paying our bills. I mean, you know, that is that is so telling right there. I mean, it's just it's it's it really makes you think. And I had mentioned to Kelly just when we got on started our conversation that last night's episode of This is us really starting this whole process of dealing with aging parents. The mom has early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's. You can see how there's going to be a change in relationship with the siblings. I mean, this is something that I applaud you for, what you're doing, and I'm just getting the expertise and allowing us to learn from you. I mean, I just think that's that's what we need.

Kelli Bradley:   6:49
Well, and for most of us, we think of people in their prime. We have what we think of our parents as the parents who raised us, the people who you know, my hero, who picked me up from school when it was rainy. You know, I act like I think of my mom doing laundry and running around and running the P t. A and doing all the things she did, and as an accomplished woman in all of a sudden disease and for us it happened, you know, I was She was young. I was young, right? You said you were in your thirties. I remember seeing that, you know, you're in your thirties. You're kind of the the height of looking at your life and and being pretty, me centric at that. You know, you're you're thinking I'm in the in my career and raising my family. I mean, and then this happens where it stops you in your tracks.

Kelli Bradley:   7:32
It does. And for those of you who are going through this at a younger age, I just I'm there for you. Hi, Riley. Because what happens to is nobody No one gets it right. You know, here. I can't do that. I have to take my mom to a doctor's appointment there. Looking at me. Like what? Why can she go by herself with the hack? Oh, I think that would I don't really understand. And now that I'm in my fifties and my friends are going through it, they're like, Oh, now I get it.

Amy Schmidt:   8:00
Now I got it. Yeah. So? So, Kelly, could you walk us through a conversation that's needed with our parents and and to be honest. Let's start with this question. When is the best time to start a conversation like this? So

Kelli Bradley:   8:13
that's the $1,000,000 question and actually the most commonly asked question. And I was reading an article in, uh, widely known publication that will remain nameless, but they were suggesting that the best time to have the talk was during the holidays. And I thought, How really I don't think so. Amount enough. Who enjoys being ambushed? Right? Hi. Um, so I mean, I just want you to think about this. I mean, the birds and the bees was was a difficult conversation. If you thought that was bad, this is gonna be tough. And keep in mind that it's not a one and done so, you know, we talk about Well, how do we have it? Well, it's how do we start it? So get your mindset. I want to just go through a couple of tips. If I could Perfect, um, people want to be heard, and they want to feel safe, right? So as people age, you know, they're not as quick on their feet. They're not a strong maybe don't CIA's. Well, you know, they're they have limitations that they didn't have, so it puts him a little off balance. And I think there's pride in this also. And when you have the conversation, listen openly, even if the person's wishes aren't realistic if they feel like they're heard. I mean, you don't want to end up in a scenario like the North going Zach in the South, going tack like you're just push against one another because you won't go anywhere. Um, the other thing that I see a lot and I've seen in my home care business is judgment. Mmm. Leave judgement at the door and don't barge in and just start making the band saying, Okay, Mama, Dad, it's like it's time to move right, you know, because what happens is even though your conversation with them might be well intended, those kinds of talks lead to hurt feelings, and you just don't get anywhere

Amy Schmidt:   10:15
right. And we really want to solve the problem, right? That's what we want to dio instant itself. And you can't do that.

Kelli Bradley:   10:22
You can't do that and you know, I mean, imagine yourself. Put yourself in that person's shoes. Imagine somebody walking into your home and go Hey, Amy, you have to leave tomorrow or in a month. We need to be out of here. It's just time, right? Right. And you know, they're floored by that. So stated. Yep. They're devastated. It's like in their pride is her. They're hurt personally. It's like, How could my child be speaking to me this way? No. So I would suggest that when you start the conversation you just started gently and stop yourself if you go to the refrigerator door and open it up and go. Mom, you have five yogurts that expired in here. What do we need to get this stuff? What are you doing?

Amy Schmidt:   11:06
Right, right. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I can relate to that. Going through pantry and seeing things. Yeah. Definitely expired things. Yeah, very good point.

Kelli Bradley:   11:15
It's family mean when this starts to happen, it's family first, right? And so family starts to see these things. And for me, he was 15 years later that I finally realized I was a caregiver for my mom. I didn't see myself as a caregiver at all. I didn't relate to that. Even though it was running and ah, home. Your company. I just thought Well, this is what you know. This is what daughters do. This is what family does. And how was

Amy Schmidt:   11:45
it with siblings? I mean, that's another aspect of this. I know. I'm one of five and were scattered all over the country, you know? How is that? I mean that that has to be. That's that's difficult. It's difficult because everybody deals with it in a different way. What would be your advice around that having the discussions with siblings?

Kelli Bradley:   12:00
Well, one of the things that we do at the devoted daughter is we have a process that we walk people through called the circles of Care. And the idea behind that is, and you can use this in so many different ways. But this is a great example of using the circles of care at the center of the circle or the people that you call in the middle of the night and as you go out to the edge to the perimeter, those air folks that air involved but wouldn't be those urgent caregivers or folks that you would call in the middle of the night and what I've seen happen really effectively and you know, not not everybody gets along and I get it. Every family has their stuff, but figuring out who could do what and and when can they do it? You know, you might start this process and your sister might have little kids and you might be five years into it. And now she's able to do more. She has more time, right? Right. People often consider. You know, the person with the most who's most financially stable takes the brunt of it, right? This isn't all about money. You know a lot of it. In our family. It was money, time, skill. You sure he's not. Break it down into what people can contribute. And how does that come together?

Amy Schmidt:   13:22
Right, So you can see where you can add value. So you get rid of that guilt because I know that will set in. You know, you feel guilty, you're not there. You're not there in their day to day. So that's that's very good advice. Use your you know, use your gifts. Use where your expertise is. Yeah, I

Kelli Bradley:   13:35
mean, some, maybe. I mean, in our family, I'm kind of the du er and the leader, and I'm not I'm not as patient, and I I wish I could say that I Woz and I was, you know, there for my mom and listened to her. I was there for hours and hours and days, but my sister in law was the one who was the most patient it was That was such a gift to me. My mom was still always cared for and attended to, so there was guilt there. But I think if you can look at other, the other people around you, and it doesn't necessarily always have to be family. Well, I know that's true, Um, and getting other folks involved neighbors and people, you know, It's like when an emergency happens, everyone kind of rushes in and and then they go away And you're like, Okay, now we really need to Yeah, exactly need you. And so it's kind of incumbent upon you to say, you know, Susan offered to take Mom to her hair appointment next week. I'm gonna call her and see if she's really willing to do that, because that would really help me. So what point? You have to kind of take some initiative, and I know it's hard when that things were, you know, scrambled, but it's like just call on people because they are volunteering to help. But then they don't realize you have no idea what's happening in your 24 7

Amy Schmidt:   14:59
right? Right? You know, that's so true. Well, let's talk a little bit about housing options because I know there's so many. And now I'm seeing some just in my own community, 55 over. I mean, these communities that are all over the place for aging adults, aging parents. I think back to the conversation that I had with my own parents. And I know my siblings would agree they were adamant about not wanting to go into what we used to call nursing homes. I don't even know if we call them that anymore. Um, can you go over just some of the options? There are so many that are available to us to us to just help us help support our parents as they age.

Kelli Bradley:   15:39
Yeah, and you know, I just want to touch on the comment that you just made. 90% of people when asked, want to stay home? Yeah, 90 I said. And I know that's not realistic, but think about what we just spoke about. Like OK, it may not be realistic, but I need to hear them out, right? My And 90 there's there's six months. Well, let's you know, we've got a six month plan, and we're gonna look at that. So there are so many options. I'm gonna kind of start with the things that center around home, and then we'll work our way through there. The 55 over communities that you just mentioned. They're everywhere, they're everywhere. And they're all kinds of their high rises there, Um, condos there little trailer parks are popping up all over the place. Yeah. Yeah. And those are, you know, for folks that are independent. So it's really a replacement for independent living. Well, sorry at a younger age, right? Adult daycare is another one. Okay, a lot of those plate. That's that's really a daycare program, as it as it states in many of them there. Multigenerational. Still, though, have young kids there and they'll have seniors. And it's a pretty cool because they, you know, they teach one another, right? Right. With family separated, there's a lot of Children who don't see grand parents or grandparents or don't see their grandkids. So it's called adult daycare. It's called adult Daycare, and there's also programs that are popping up where they've re created, like the 19 forties in a building.

Amy Schmidt:   17:23
So I've I've seen that on the paper newspaper something, Yeah, interesting. Yeah,

Kelli Bradley:   17:29
and that is a form of adult day care. But it's just taking that person because most folks who are living with Alzheimer's or another form of dementia will remember the past, but not the present. And so it puts him back into that familiar environment with newspapers and telephones. The dialogue and the other one is in home care, which is what I did for 11 years. And that's where Ah, Home health aide comes into the home or wherever the person calls home. So it might even be additional help in an assisted living type environment. For all of these things, I want to caution your listeners that there are rules and laws that vary by state. So, for example, in some states in home care can manage medications in other states that can't touch it free. And so, yeah, there are, I mean, it's every single state is different so you need to check that out in your particular state. And then there's what's called home Health, and I want to just spend a moment here to different T. Tell your listeners a difference between in home care and home help, because I hear these terms used interchangeably all the time. Home hell in home care is non medical care. There is not a physician on staff. There's no one writing medical orders. Many times there are nursing nurses on staff, but there is not a physician. Home health is where a physician is on staff. They have physicians. Occupational therapists, uh, physical therapist are ends, bath aids, et cetera, And typically this is a service that is covered by insurance but has to be prescribed by a doctor. I always recommend when people are leaving a rehabilitation center, ah, hospital and they can't get to a physical therapy appointment or they're too sick to get out that they asked the doctor for home health. And then? Then they've got that additional layer of support, and it won't continue forever. It will continue until the person is no longer progressing. So once they hit a plateau, then the home health benefit goes away, okay, But it's great to have that extra oversight and assistance, you know? I mean, if somebody is recovering from a major surgery or they've had, you know, knee replacement surgery or something that's gonna be limiting. To have people come to you is an amazing thing.

Amy Schmidt:   20:04
Is it? Is it likely that you would get that list from your physician? Or is this something that you find, You know, our people running ads to be home, health care, aids or, you know, how did they How did they find that?

Kelli Bradley:   20:17
Well, you have. I mean, I think this is something a lot of physicians will recommend it. And again, this varies by state. Right? OK, um, but if they don't recommend it and you feel you need it, you're gonna have to ask for it because it's got to be prescribed in order for it to be covered by a massive it prescribed. Okay, very interesting. And in home care and home health can work very, very effectively together. So what home health doesn't do is they don't show up there for three hours every day. They call you in the morning and they say Hey, Kelly. I'm gonna be there. This is your physical therapist. I'm gonna be there two o'clock. I'll see you then. So you're expected to be home right at home in home. Care comes in on a scheduled basis because typically that's a private pay service. So you know, it's not. They're not providing ongoing support. It's for a specific purpose

Amy Schmidt:   21:15
for a specific purpose. How interesting. Boy, that is great to have those defined their separate things. Interesting. Um, let's talk about one of the things that I I get this comment from listeners and from I get this question all the time, Um, you know, you'll go and see your parents and you haven't seen them for a few weeks or a few months and you walk in and you say, Oh, my gosh, you know, they're not eating properly. Um, nutrition is coming up a lot. At least people are asking me about it. How can you help us with that? You know, they're not eating as much. Um, they're not buying the proper foods. Is there this expertise you can share on that?

Kelli Bradley:   21:54
Well, I think there's a lot of reasons for someone who's not eating well or taking care of himself. Basically. And you really need to evaluate the whole picture. Like what? What's been happy? Heavy losses Spouse recently. Are they depressed? Is something changed with them? Medically, Um, when's the last time they had a medical workup? Do they have a chronic disease? You know, eating a lot of times is maybe they've been prescribed a new medication, and food tastes different.

Amy Schmidt:   22:25
Mmm. There. You know, I never thought about that.

Kelli Bradley:   22:28
Yeah, maybe don't. Maybe their sense of smell is off round. People living with dementia often, you know, they go to the sweet and salty, and so you'll see them over salting are over sweetening their foods. Wow. Um, so there's a lot of there may be a medical reason that this is happening, but it also just maybe, you know, they're down in the dumps.

Amy Schmidt:   22:55
Yeah. Yeah, they're depressing. Yep, yep, breasts.

Kelli Bradley:   22:58
Or, you know, this used to happen with my mom. And, you know, the eating thing was really important because she was a insulin dependent diabetic. She was also brittle, which means her sugars were very difficult to control. And so I always want. And she couldn't see on top of it. So it was wanted her to have choices, so I'd make you know lots of things and have them in the fridge. And she said, I Hearst overheard her saying to my gram, one day, Kelly is just making me so much food. I just I can't handle it. I don't want this. And I went, Oh, wow, I'm its too. It's like it's harder to eat when you're not hungry, right? Right. She just it was too much. And, uh, I just wanted to give her choice. But I didn't realize the choices causing her anxiety really over the food.

Amy Schmidt:   23:49
Mmm. What's so hard, though? That's so hard. There's such a fine balance there.

Kelli Bradley:   23:53
Here's a fine balance. And then, you know, there is the other piece of it where it's kind of the better. Bad choice, right? I'd rather have a meeting something than nothing. And I, you know, as we're talking about eating, the other thing that happens really frequently with seniors is dehydration. Sure that it does, they just they don't get as people age. They don't get thirsty. Really? Yeah. So they don't think about it. Yeah, right. That is another thing that becomes overwhelming for people. It's like I can't drink anymore. So what I like to do is start first thing in the morning, and even with a cup that you can measure from and just so that they can start working on it right away, you know, and you don't want a drink, you know, a gallon of water at the end of the day and be up all night right now either. So, yeah, and people who are taking diuretics or other medications like that often will say, Well, I don't want to do that because I don't have to go the bathroom and 1,000,000 times. So you really need to look at the whole picture and be a detective, as you do with so many things and kind of zero in on what's going on with that person,

Amy Schmidt:   25:10
right? I mean, I can remember my dad taking so many medications for Parkinson's, and he would literally put him in his hand, take them all with a sip of water and that was it. One sip, you know, never taking the proper amount. That's so interesting about dehydration. Um, when we had a conversation, I don't know, month ago. Something like that. You make such a good point. Night. I've shared it with so many people because you said, you know, you go out with your girlfriends or you go out. You know, you're out for an evening and you're sitting around and you're saying, Well, how are your parents? How's your mom doing? Oh, good. She's fine, you know? And then somebody else says, Well, how's your dad out find? You know, we don't we don't go there In these conversations, we don't say and you and you said this. You said, You know, you don't say, Yeah, my dad's actually peeing in a pot. You know, I have to care for him all the time. We don't have those conversations. It's just incredible. Um, let's talk about doctors appointments. I can relate to this a bit because I was able to go along on a few doctors appointments with my parents over the years, and do you find that it's almost like your parents revert back to a child? I mean, I found that I hate to say it, but I was the one taking the notes and everything, and your parent would almost sit there looking at the doctor like anything they said, you know, they weren't gonna challenge them on anything to find that.

Kelli Bradley:   26:28
I think it really varies by person. Yeah, yeah, And if you're sick, it's hard to challenge someone or you have to remember to that in a lot of these appointments or environments, if someone's talking fast, even if the pace were speaking right now, people, a lot of folks can't they can't process that, right? Right. So maybe having a conversation in a physician's office, where you have a limited amount of time, you have a limited amount of things you need to get. Yeah. I mean, you think you're going to get up list, right? Right. That's why it's so important to have an advocate and to be prepared in advance, because, I mean, yeah, I remember my mom, just like being all dressed up and looking adorable. And we're meeting with the heart surgeon, right? Open heart surgery and feels like a 1,000,000 bucks, and, you know, but he's looking at her medical records going. You're a really sick person. Yeah, this is really serious, and I one of the things that I always tried to do with because my mom couldn't see. I think it was even more prevalent was that the physicians would talk to either myself or my brother. Right? Right. Especially my younger brother, who is a physician. Okay. They automatically went to him. Yeah, and all three of us kind of made a pact saying when that started to happen, we would look at whoever was speaking to us and say, you need to talk to my mom. She's a patient. Wow. So, you know, it's like, this is we are going to support her in her decisions, you know, she has the capacity to make You need to speak to her about this. And we're here to listen and support and make sure that she gets it all and that as a family, we're gonna make the best decision we can. But at the end of the day, we need her to understand what's going on here. So especially if they have an agenda and they come in and it's like, Okay, well, about this, this, this and this, this happens a lot in primary care because primary care doctors are referring out to specialists. You need to get in this test and do this and do this and do this. And if if you don't have a relationship with the person or you haven't gotten to know them, it's tough. They don't have a lot of time having the advocate or having someone. And this just goes, This goes back to you know, when you when you've got five brothers and sisters or you've got siblings Who's gonna do what?

Amy Schmidt:   29:00
Yep yep, designating rolls. Yep, makes so much

Kelli Bradley:   29:02
sense and you can't You can't go toe every single appointment. The other thing that I think it's helpful in this is keeping a Google docks, you know, calendar or keeping information all in one place. I know for me my mom was in the hospital so much I would leave and just feel exhausted. And then I'd have to call my grandma and my uncle and her best friend and everybody. Yeah, like this is what happened today. This is where we are.

Amy Schmidt:   29:31
That's so true. Um, let's talk about medicines. I think you and I share this, too. In a conversation when we were clearing out the house after my mom passed, I can't even tell you how many bottles of medications were in their closets between my mom and my dad. Um, and I know this comes up a lot. Do you have any advice on? You know, it's a lot of times you say, Oh, Dad's not taking his medicine. Well, that's okay. Now we know he's not, But how are we gonna solve that? How do we have that conversation with them? Are there some tips that you can share about that?

Kelli Bradley:   30:06
Well, one of the first things you need to do and I have a whole section on the playbook for aging parents in the playbook. Great parents about this. But you really need to get your arms around. What are they supposed to be taking? It is not just prescription, but this is also over the counter. Yeah, exactly. You mean you have to think about this and think about how many drugs are now over the counter that we're not 20 years ago? And, you know, I think people have this sense that well, I just got it at Walgreens. It's safe. It's okay. It's not gonna hurt me. I was able to buy it at Walgreens.

Amy Schmidt:   30:46
Yes, Yes, I heard that. Yep. Exactly.

Kelli Bradley:   30:50
You know, you need a complete, comprehensive list for each person of what they're taking. And this can be really tough because it gets personal with people. And my people are aging. They lose a lot of things. Maybe they lost a spouse. They've lost a pet. Maybe they've retired from their job. Whatever. Uh huh. The medication thing, it's like it's personal to them. Like I can take care of this myself. But this is not your business, you know? And you just said it was in their closet. It was like in a private space. Well, yeah, yeah, you know, that brings up another point. Is not all medications should be stored in the closet. All right. It needs to be stored in a different way. Eso if if you could If nothing else. I mean, it's something this could be a matter of life and death. Having this list your parents ends up in the e. R. Because they got a car accident, and no one knows what medication they're taking. And nobody in the family has a current list that makes him really problematic for the health care professional.

Amy Schmidt:   31:58
Yeah, that's a good point. So did you have that, like in a Google doc that you could share with your siblings. That mean you have that running list? We have that

Kelli Bradley:   32:06
running list. Good idea. In addition to that, it was always printed. Okay, um, we kept a like a plastic sleeve, and we had all the necessary documents printed, and we put them on the inside of the closet door. So that in case of emergency, if a first responder was there, somebody was there. Everybody knew where the list waas.

Amy Schmidt:   32:30
Wow, that's a great idea. Yeah, I never would have thought of that. Oh, I bet the listeners right now are thinking, Wow, I'm gonna go do that right now. That's it. That's a great idea.

Kelli Bradley:   32:38
Makes a man. Is that the other piece that I think you know, when you say dad's not taking his medications medications? Often times are should be given at different times of the day, right? Sure. So I mean, there's all kinds of devices to organize pills and medications, but you should always keep a one of the pills in the original container so that you have a control sample. Wow. Really? Yeah, well, just think about it. If you put if you fill up a medication box for two weeks and it spills, you know, someone tips it over and all the prints were all over the floor. How do you know what's what?

Amy Schmidt:   33:22
Wow. That's why that's unique Point.

Kelli Bradley:   33:24
If you've got a control sample in that, you can kind of get the medication out, put it on the counter and go. Okay? I've gotta put all these back in the right spot. And exactly this happens. This is something that I think you can check on to, and you just ask permission. You know, so much of this is can be handled by just saying, Mom, is it okay if I can I just take a peek at this? Yeah, as its permission. Right. You know, first is just assuming it's still there. Foam. It's still their body right there. They want to participate in life.

Amy Schmidt:   33:59
Um, what a wealth of knowledge you are. I know that in our next episode, which we're going to do separately, we're gonna talk about Medicare, insurance options, power of attorney, All those things, um that are also important that we just we don't We don't know about you are incredible, Kelly. I mean, just your own personal story and then your expertise. I know I'm going to link both, you know, your website and things to this episode. You know, one thing I like to do at the end of each episode is kind of have my guests leave us with something inspiring. And certainly this whole thing has just This whole conversation we just had is so insightful and you shared so much knowledge. But if there's somebody listening, that is, parts of this really resonated and they just haven't been able to take that first step or have that conversation just leave us with some words that will really inspire them to take action.

Kelli Bradley:   34:52
Well, I wanted to share a story with you Might. My gran lived until two days before her 100th birthday, and she was 99 at the time, and we were walking down the hall and she looked at me and she grabbed my hand and she said, No, honey, I'm not gonna live forever. It's the cycle of life. There's new baby's coming into this family, you know? It's the cycle of life, and I just wanted to take my hands and put him over my ears and go that I did it. I don't wanna hear this. I don't wanna talk about this. Why are we talking about this? Right? And I want to just encourage. And that was just I was in denial, Really. I didn't want to lose her and, you know, a selfish as that may sound. I was just like, Oh, I can't. And we would joke and say You better take your cell phone because I'm gonna need to chat with you, but take the time to be present. And there just so many days when I sit and think, I wish I could ask him that question. I wish she was here right now, but was she could tell me that story and just be present. And in the moment, be with your family, love your family and ask the questions, because someday you won't be able to

Amy Schmidt:   36:08
Yeah, boy, that's That's incredible. Yep, yep. Be present. Asked the questions. That's great, Kelly. Thank you so much. I look forward to recording the next episode with you. That will go, you know, into details about other things and this whole process. But I really I appreciate the time and thank you so much for sharing, sharing your knowledge with us. Today's episode was a powerful one. You know, it's hard to imagine your parents in a way that, you know, they seem as though they might not be able to care for themselves like they used to or you're seeing changes. I wanted to leave this episode with a quote that I found when I was researching the show, and it simply says this to care. For those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn't know possible in the heart of every caregiver isn't knowing that we are all connected. So until next time, go forth, be awesome, take care of yourself and take care of those around you.