EP8: No estate mistakes with Roger Schrenk

The fastest way to turn grief into chaos is to ignore the question nobody wants to ask: what happens to all the things we collect over a lifetime? I’m joined by Roger Schrenk, founder of DontMakeAnEstateMistake.com, who has spent 30+ years helping families navigate downsizing, estate liquidation, inherited belongings, and the overwhelm that hits when a big house needs to be emptied fast.

We dig into why this is so hard, especially for Gen X adults managing Baby Boomer parents. Roger breaks down the generational relationship to objects, why “hoarding” is often the wrong label, and how belongings can represent purpose, identity, and the role of being the family archivist. If you’ve ever looked at a basement full of boxes and felt your brain shut down, you’re not alone and you’re not failing.

You’ll also hear concrete, usable strategies: conversation starters that plant seeds instead of triggering panic, how to frame sorting as a task your parent can own, and the two biggest mistakes Roger sees families make. One of them is the storage unit trap, the expensive “deal with it later” plan that turns into quicksand. We also talk about value, why eBay listings can mislead you, how pros check sold comps, and why an impartial scan (even via Zoom or FaceTime) can prevent costly estate sale and appraisal errors.

We end with a powerful reframe on guilt and letting go, plus a line you’ll remember the next time you’re tempted to keep everything: keep the sparks, not the logs. If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s facing downsizing, and leave a review so more families can find the support they need.

You can reach Roger here

Get a copy of Amy’s Best selling book: CANNONBALL! FEARLESSLY Facing Midlife and Beyond here

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Transcript

What Happens To A Lifetime Of Stuff

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Welcome to the Right Size Life, a podcast about making space for what matters most. I'm your host, Amy Schmidt, founder of Fearlessly Facing50, and each week we explore what it means to right size our home, our health, our mindset, and our lives. Not from a place of loss, but from a place of possibility. Because sometimes the next chapter begins with letting go. And today's conversation is one so many families need to hear. We're talking about something that most people avoid until they're forced to face it. What happens to all the things we accumulate over a lifetime? And the emotional, financial, and family stress that can come when we don't prepare for it. My guest today is Roger Trent, founder of Don't Make a Mistake Mistake, who has more than 30 years helping families navigate estate liquidation, downsizing, inherited belongings, and the often overwhelming process of sorting through a loved one's own. This conversation goes far beyond stuff. It's about the emotional weight of our belongings to carry, the stories we attach to objects, family dynamics, grief, and how we can begin simplifying now so we don't leave chaos for the people we love most. Because maybe the right side's life isn't about getting rid of everything. Maybe it's about becoming more intentional, about what we keep, what we pass on, and what truly matters in the end. Let's begin.

Roger’s Path Into Estate Work

SPEAKER_03 1:39

Well, welcome to the right size life today. And you know what? We're going to be talking about the right size life with somebody that you are really going to enjoy. So as I said in the intro, I've got Roger Trent with me today. And he is with don't make an estate mistake.com. Roger, welcome to the show. And that is a mouthful.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Yeah, thanks. Well, it's the whole situation is a mouthful. I mean, when you when you get into downsizing, um that's as that's as short as I could make it.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

I love it. I love it. I've said it a million times, and I'm like, it's like fearlessly facing 50 when I had that. So many people had such a hard time saying all the F words. This is perfect. Um, all right. So you have been doing this for how have you been doing this for 30 years? You look like 30.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Well, well, it it sort of started when I was 15. Wow, I started going to auctions when I was 15 years old and quickly became um enamored with the sort of the transaction of used objects. And this was before the internet. So, you know, this was back, you know, in the 90s, early 90s. Right. Or 80s actually, or whenever, but you know, a long time ago. Basically, yeah, a long time. So it was amazing because you know, you would go to a public event and you'd sit there, and then they'd bring something up, and then everyone would sort of make a decision on what it was worth, and somebody would buy it, and there it would go. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, this, and you know, I was 15 living in a small town in Illinois where you know, objects don't, there's no such thing as decorative arts, or you know, there's there that wasn't there then. So I just kept thinking about more and more. And then when I got into college, uh, I took an internship at Leslie Hindeman Auctioneers in Chicago, uh, which was an incredible, incredible experience. Leslie was the most incredible boss. Um, and I learned sort of the the the corporate in and out of objects. Interesting. And then when I and then when I eventually moved to Alexandria, Virginia in the mid-90s, I worked for a really quirky like resale company, like a like a thrift, like an elevated thrift store, very, very classy, very chic. It was called Cielo. And uh they would get a lot of their content from estate sales, right? So I, of course, was you know the little the the kid doing all the moving for the trucks and everything. And I was always there, I was always at the end of the end of a sale, helping my boss pack stuff up, talking to the estate sale agent. And you know, we were there after hours all the time, talking to the agent privately about the estate, the family, all the you know, all the worms that came out of the can. Yeah. And you know, and this happened to me every week. So I just it all kind of built on itself. Yeah, yeah. So interesting. Yeah, yeah. And then when we, and then after uh I met Chris, we we eventually got into the estate, the estate liquidation world because I had sort of done it already uh back in the mid-90s. So right, so like right after the crash in 09, we gave up our design business uh at the time, and then we moved right into liquidation. So, really since about oh nine 10, we've been doing it like like like full throttle full time. Yeah, but I had I had 10 years before that just working, you know, working towards this world.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Yeah, exactly. And it's such an interesting world. I mean, I think of you know, maybe the viewers and the and the listeners are thinking of the antique road show. Every so often when that's on, when I see it on my guide, I'm like, oh, I gotta watch this. And then sure enough, there's something like a piece of blue willow or something that my mom had that I'm like, why didn't we get rid of that?

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That show is addictive. You can't look away.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

You can't you can't look away. No, and now American girl dolls are on the that's showing my age, I guess. I mean, like my daughter had so many of them, and now they're I guess they have to be in the original box or something. But anyway, crazy. Well, I love that that's kind of like your passion and your purpose started at 15. I mean, you really like doing this.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Well, and the funny thing is you mentioned that because um it wasn't until my uh my summer break between junior and senior year of college that I was like, oh my God, I've chosen the wrong major. Like I I want to go into the into the world of objects. Right. So I had like this, I had like an existential crisis, yeah, you know, going into my senior year. You know, so I mean, so you know, and when everyone's young, you think every decision you make is gonna, you know, you you've made the wrong decision, your life is over, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

So when I made this decision to change my major, I was like, oh my god, I'm starting at zero now. Yes, you know, yes, so that's that's when it really clicked that summer. So I had to I had to change my whole life. Yeah. Uh, you know, to to move towards that. And I've you know, I I applied to Historic Deerfield uh in Massachusetts, which is like a uh a fellowship program for early American material culture and decorative arts at the museum. Uh got into that, which was a whole that you could be a whole nother podcast about that.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

But you know, so I just I immediately started those building blocks, you know. But it is unusual that I that I found my passion so early.

SPEAKER_03 6:55

Yeah. Are you continuing to learn? I mean, I love this whole lifetime living.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Yeah, like I like my like my daily, like my morning is going over live auctioneers looking at options coming up. I mean, it's it's just I mean, it's it's my only hobby is options.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Yeah. Well, we're like eight minutes into this podcast, Roger. And I have to say you did mention the Illinois word. Now you're not a you're not a Bears fan, are you? Because I'm gonna have to just shut it down right now.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

We we have I haven't been in Illinois in in decades. Not since I know not since I packed my bags in in 1995 and left.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

I love it. Well, there's a lot of Bears Packers things going on, and I'm the ultimate Packer fan. So just had to set that straight.

Why Starting Feels So Hard

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Um, let's start digging into this because this is a really, really, you know, a very timely conversation for a lot of people that might be listening that are saying, okay, um, I'm moving my parents into assisted living. They have their home, their big home, their family home with stuff everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Where do you start? Yeah. Well, if you haven't already started, yeah, right. Most people haven't. No, oh, in fact, I would say at least 90% haven't even had a conversation about it. 90. That's crazy. Because yeah, because because you have to think about and the reason that this happens is because so if if you're if if if you're a Gen X dealing with a boomer parent, right? Right. Yep. Your relationship to objects growing up was very different, right? Oh, explain that.

Generations And The Meaning Of Stuff

SPEAKER_00 8:25

So the boomer generation used objects as part of their uh societal building blocks. Imagine, you know, dinner parties, uh, bridge club, um, you know, the the you know, going on, you know, going off to summer camp, you know, entertaining entertaining your husband's boss, you know, for dinner, um, you know, all of these things and you know, objects you couldn't you couldn't maintain your position in you know your cul-de-sac without the stuff to back it up. So and of course these boomers are living in these giant houses because you know they had a lot of kids. Yeah. You know, they had the kids and they had they needed the space, and everything was was made with such high quality back then. Right. And and they were never told to throw anything out. So so everything that they kept never wore out. They saved wrapping paper. Yeah, wrapping paper. Exactly. Exactly, exactly. So their relationship that they had with objects is was is really part of their their the fiber of their being, right? You know, Gen X has a little bit of that. I mean, there's a little bit that's rubbed off, but most of that's gone. And you know, and then um the X kids, you know, the kids of the X's, oh my god, like Y and Z, absolutely, positively no relationship whatsoever with objects. Zero. Because you know the X the X generation lived before the internet and after the internet, and that that's what it's all about. It's really about phone culture. You know, it's about social media and your phone. So the more time you spend on your phone and the better the phones got, right? You know, the less you needed all of these physical objects to build your persona, yeah, right? Yeah, you know, you didn't you didn't have to have you know five tablecloths.

SPEAKER_03 10:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

You know, because you were good because you had entertained for spring, you had a fall tablecloth, you had one for Christmas, you had one when your when your mother came over. I mean, this this was this was the life of a boomer. Yeah, you know, every everything, every every moment had to have a different set of objects to go with it, you know. So, but as the generations moved on, first off, you know, no one has no one my age has a five-bedroom house, right? With an attic in the basement, you know, and a and a and a shed in the back. Exactly. Yes, really changed. Yeah, and we and we've moved multiple times more than the Gen X generations have. So we can't keep packing and moving objects. Right. We right so even if even if even as we did move, you know, those are opportunities to throw stuff away. I know, and people just can't do it. Yeah, because we can throw it away because it was worn out, right? But the boomer generation, everything they've ever bought, if they would have kept it, would still be like like fully usable today. Yeah, and most people have kept it all, you know. Right, right. And and so, so when at the beginning of your question, like, you know, where do you start?

SPEAKER_03 11:34

Where do you start? Yeah. So where is so these nine this 90% probably of people that haven't had that courageous conversation with their parents? Where do we start this process and and how do we start this?

SPEAKER_00 11:46

You you have to you just have to start from the perspective that when you're talking to a par about their stuff, you you are physically I'm not gonna use the word attack, but you are you are pulling something off of them. You are pulling an appendage that they have lived with for like I'm I'm gonna say 40 years or 50 years in a house because this happens, right? You're pulling an appendage off of them, and you have to have this perspective, right? I mean, I've dealt with I mean, I can't tell you how many families that have literally waited for their parent just to die, yeah, or have or just gone totally non-compass just to get into the house because they're like, I can't even have a conversation about anything, you know, um, which is you know, which is unfortunate. But if if you go into it with some sort of sympathy and empathy about why they have all this stuff, because they're not crazy, they're not hoarders, right? They're not they're not mentally unstable. Right. I mean you and and some people think this, like, oh my god, my mother has just lost her mind. She's kept, you know, she's kept every Dixie cup she's ever touched. Yeah, you know, you have to realize that that hoarding is a modern term, right? You didn't have hoarders, I mean I'm sure you did, but you didn't have you didn't have the whole genre of hoarding in the media you that you you have today back then. Yeah, like back then you just had a full basement. Like back then, mom just kept stuff, right? Right. So now the the later generations, like the you know, the Gen Xers are like, oh well, we have to somehow give this a you know a psychosis name, like we have to call this something, right? So that's where all this hoarding mentality and talk has come. But so don't but but it's it's very ill-advised to go into a conversation thinking my mom's a hoarder, right? Yeah, because it's she's not she's not she everything that she has and she's kept is because she was generationally trained to keep it.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Wow, no one never thought about it that way. That's that's a mic drop for so many people right now. Yeah, yeah. And and if I hear what you're saying correctly, it's kind of like you want to approach it with some empathy and with some kindness and grace because it's part of their story, you know, they have these things. So maybe engaging in some conversation around those pieces is that yeah, is that what we should be doing?

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, yeah. Because you know, those generations saw themselves as the family archivist, right? So the glue that holds the whole family together, the you know, the matriarchy, the patriarchy, right? And they could only do that through the objects that were there during the events of the memory.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Right?

SPEAKER_00 14:42

There wasn't there wasn't there's no phone clip of you know their child's fourth birthday, right? It doesn't exist. They might have a they might have a snapshot, but that's it. And that's like in a box of a hundred thousand other photographs, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

They had no they had no way of of storing all of this. So in exchange for that, you know, they they would keep the birthday candles on the cake. Yeah. I mean, we did a job once where the I mean the the the mother actually kept every birthday candle from her 65-year-old daughter when she was living in the house. So, like, you know, from her first birthday to like 13, she had 13 sets of birthday cake candles that were all labeled in little Ziploc bags in a drawer because you know that's how she stored the memory. Yeah, you know, wow, you're making so many good points. And and they stayed in that, and and and again, they stayed in that drawer until she died.

Planting Seeds For Tough Talks

SPEAKER_03 15:36

Like could you could you share a uh give us a good conversation starter for somebody that's listening? What are some good words to use if they were to approach their parents and say, Mom, what's next here? What should they say?

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Well you can start by trying to give them your perspective, but sort of secretly. So you take your mom to the basement and you say, Well, mom, you know, this I remember all that, I remember all this stuff. So what do you think it would how many hours do you think it would take, you know, just you know, just to throw a number out, you know, to really go through all of this and kind of sort all of this out? Like, you know, do we think do you think we have to hire like help? Um, do you think, you know, that anyone like maybe like our like my nephew could help or like how do you what do you think that process would look like? So you put the you put the task because remember the boomers are task-oriented. Yes. There is no stronger generation for accomplishing a task than the boomers, right? So you present it as um a future task.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Yeah. And and you start and you put this, you and you can only do this very, very quietly and secretly. You've got to you have got to insert these seeds. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Um, and even and even having them watch, you know, stuff like this, you know, or even make or making them watch the hoarding show.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Because you trust me, you can't do that. You just can't walk in and say, Mom, I'm I'm I'm emptying the basement next weekend because I've got I've got two days off of work. Well, that's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Yeah, that's not gonna happen. And you know so many people say that, and it's coming from a place of love. Yeah, yeah, but it comes off as yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Oh, yeah, yeah. She'd have a panic attack. You and you you you just can't go in like that. Right. You know, it it it has to be their decision. They have they're gonna be their decision.

SPEAKER_03 17:50

They have to they have to have some skin in the game, they gotta have some power. Is so and and what you're saying is that a lot of those boomers don't want to get rid of things because it's like memories for them. Then they're losing their memories.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Actually, it's more than that. It's it's their purpose and their identity. It's not this isn't this isn't all about memory, Amy. This is about their purpose as your parent. Yeah. Right? Their identity that their identity that formed them in their formative years when they were, you know, 20, 30 years old, their identity was keeping that house together. Right. And and you know, going going to all the potlucks and going to the quilting bee and going to the the church bazaar. I mean, that was it. So it's not just the memory. I mean, it is, I mean, it is it is part of what they did daily. Yeah. Right. It's because and and and you and I, like, like the younger generations have no, absolutely no recollection of this. Like, like you're right. You you can have a 25-year-old and they have their phone, and if they lost their phone, they probably just jump off a bridge. Right. This one object, right? And they and they move every six months, they get a new job every two years, you know, they break up with a boyfriend. I mean, all this stuff is happening, and a lot their lives are happening much faster. Like events are happening much faster. The boomers, I mean, my god, you got married in 1945, you bought a house, you know, you bought a house in Westchester. I mean, you didn't move. That was it. And and you know, I mean, what how many boomers do you know that have moved more than let's say twice? Yeah, not many. Yeah, before retirement, almost zero. And if that they probably bought a second house. Yes. They wouldn't even leave the first one, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:47

Yeah, they just accumulate houses because that's what they did. So what what's the biggest mistake families are making that you're seeing?

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Uh

The Storage Unit Trap

SPEAKER_00 19:59

the biggest okay, the biggest mistake is that when when this process starts, is that there's there's two big ones. The first one is not understanding what the true definition of trash is.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

We were just gonna talk about dust drilling, so there's a big trash of the big whole world unto itself. The other one is storage units. Okay, relying on a storage unit to just sort of put this problem into the future, that you're gonna deal with it again in the future, is absolutely the number one biggest and costliest mistake you can possibly make.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Oh, you gotta repeat that for everybody listening.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Yeah, if if if you think you're gonna get through this by putting, you know, even after you sort the house out and you put what you think you want to keep into storage for a future timeline, you've I mean, you're you're basically in purgatory. You are you you you you're in quicksand. You're gonna okay, absolutely without without a doubt, you're gonna forget about that stuff for the first six months. You know why? Because you put that stuff into storage because oh, mom had to go into a home, or you know, mom broke her hip, or you know, something happened. Six months is gone. Like it's not even you're you're not even you're like, oh thank god, that stuff's in storage, I don't have to deal with it, right? But six months at $300 a month, and then it becomes a year, and $300 is cheap. $300 is cheap. If you're living in a big city, if you've got a 10 by 20 unit, I mean you're paying four or five, six hundred dollars a month.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

No, wait, not to interrupt, but you might want to plug your ears. We had three storage units in three states at one point.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Oh, Amy. And I told you uh the last time we were together. I'm like, storage is a trap.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Yeah, it is. It's all done now, and it's it feels wonderful, but I want people to know that in storage business, they're everywhere, they're opening up everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Because of the because of Because of this guilt. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

And the big mistake.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

And the unpreparedness of dealing with this with this generation that's retiring.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Yeah. Yeah.

Finding Value Without Getting Fooled

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Let's talk about things that have value and things that don't. How do you decipher this? How do you know? And I know this is how you come in and really help. And you got to walk us through what exactly you can do because I want people to reach out to you and say, all right, let's get started on this.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah, yeah. Well, okay. So there's a lot you can do on your own, but you really can't trust the results unless you unless you really know what you're doing. Like, so if people go on eBay and they and they find the same, you know, um depression glass dish, right?

unknown 22:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

And it's on there for $45. They think, oh my God, this is worth $45, right? No, it's not. You have to go into the sold category, which is a whole different screen, and you have to have an account to do that. You have and you have to sort it out to find out which the exact one you have and what it exactly sold for, and what the shipping was, you know, like like because did the did the seller pay for the shipping? Was it free shipping? You know, like it's a calculation. Detail. Yeah, I mean, I mean, exactly. And I I've had uh people come to me and say, well, you know, this artist of this, you know, this oil painting, you know, this I this last one sold for fifteen thousand dollars at an auction. I'm like, okay, first off, that painting was bigger. It was um, you know, when there was like when the stock market was way higher, you know, at that particular moment, right? It had been restored, it had been published. Right? Yeah, like it had it basically had a pedigree, right? It or or it like it came out from like a or a celebrity owned it. I mean, you you you have to when you're dealing with like really high-end stuff, you have to look at all the comps and you have to access all that information. So to fast forward that process, you truly, and this isn't really forever. I mean, if you're living in, I mean, if your mom is living like in like a two-bedroom house somewhere with and she doesn't have very much, this is really not your problem. This is like for houses that are like packed. You need to have someone in there who has an impartial, you know, eye to quickly scan your house. And what I mean by scan is is that someone like me who's been in hundreds of houses and dealt with millions of objects, if there is a clue of value, I'm gonna find it. Right? I mean, and because a house never has just one great thing in it. If you find one great thing, there's always that leads always to something else. Like it's somewhere else in this house, right? Yeah, like a treasure hunt. Like if you find like if you find like a sterling punch bowl in a box, and you're like, well, where did this come from? Why does mom have this, you know, 14-pound solid silver object in the base? Like, where did this come from? And I'm telling you that the boomers didn't tell their children everything about their past life, right? Right? They didn't tell them about grandma, you know, grandma was uh, you know, married to a robber bear. Like like all this stuff was like the information wasn't necessarily passed down, right? Right. So you've got family history in these houses because not only did the boomers keep all of their stuff, they kept everything they inherited. And it's all in it's all still in the house. So you're gonna have you're gonna you're gonna come across multi-generational stuff. And if you don't know the timeline and the personal history, even of your own mother's stuff, right? You could you you could be making some huge mistakes. Huge mistakes. Yeah, you know? Wow. I mean, even I mean, even if you go into the attic and you find an unbelievable like ball gown from the 60s with like a couture label, right? Like, what does that mean? Right. Like somewhere at some moment, somebody in this family had a lot of money. Yeah. And there isn't just one thing left of that house. It's gonna be somewhere else in this house. And only an expert is gonna be like, wait a minute, why is this here? Yeah. You know, if this is here, there's gonna be something else here.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

So that's what you do, Roger. You go in these houses and you walk through and you it's like a treasure hunt.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Yeah, yeah.

Fast Home Scans And Remote Help

SPEAKER_00 26:35

I I do uh I do Zoom calls with people or you know on or FaceTime, whatever. Right. And I walk them through, I give them instructions beforehand. I said, you know, have a flashlight, pen and paper, um, have someone else hold the flashlight. And I walk them very quickly through their house. Like I tell them how to open up a drawer, where to look in the drawer, where to look at furniture for labels, how to look at jewelry for, you know, the quality of the gold, uh, you know, how to you know take art off the wall, look at the back, use a black light, you know, how to flip something over to really read the real mark. I mean, how even even how to research stuff, right? So because no matter no matter no matter where you start, if you don't have some sort of background knowledge of the quality of your stuff, I mean, even rudimentary, Amy, right if you don't have some general sense about, yeah, there's there's some there's some stuff here, you're gonna get hosed. You're gonna, it's all just gonna disappear, you're not gonna get anything, and you're gonna make a lot of mistakes. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Oh, I mean, I I mean I can go, I mean, I can go through a you know, four or five bedroom house with a phone in less than an hour and a half. Right. And I'm gonna find, and if I don't find something of, you know, if I don't find the, you know, the gold vein in an hour and a half, you're in the clear.

SPEAKER_03 27:51

You're in the clear. Yeah. You know, wow, that's just fascinating. I think back to my mom and dad's big old bowl, punch bowl that they used to put sherbet in the middle of it. And so we used to call it in Wisconsin, and they'd flip and they'd hang all those glasses on there. I don't know where that went. You know, we I'm the youngest of five. And when my parents died, um, my dad died 13 years, my mom 11. The five of us, two girls, three boys, sat in the basement, and we got to a point of being overwhelmed. Oh, yeah. Then it was just the truck came and we just put things in it. And there's a piece of my sisters and I probably more than my brothers, and I love my brothers just the same, but the sisters seem to be more sentimental about that stuff. And there have been occasions when we have said, we didn't do this right. You know, we just didn't. And and my parents weren't hoarders, although, you know, you do kind of joke with the siblings and say, Oh, when are mom and dad gonna get rid of that stuff? And why are they keeping all that? And they were in cardboard boxes that get smelly and get mice, you know, droppings in them and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Yep, water damage and everything.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Yeah, yes, yes. And uh, so yeah, you've just made incredible points. So so tell us how we can work with you. They can go to, I'm gonna put everything in the show notes, don't make an estate mistake.com. But so they reach out and kind of step walk me through that process. Is there a a form they fill out?

SPEAKER_00 29:09

And is that how you just you just send an email, you just describe your situation, you ask for an appointment.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Um, and we just pick a time and I walk you through the house.

SPEAKER_03 29:19

I know we talked about this last time when I saw you years ago, but uh a woman did reach out because uh I always get a little teaser for the shows out to my mailing list. And Leslie in Omaha, Nebraska reached out and she just said that one of the things she's concerned about is a coin collection. And I think we talked about this before. Um, her dad had an extensive coin collection, and she's not knowing where to start with all of that. And I said to get in touch with you, but coins are a big thing, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Oh, yeah, and again, um, you know, coin collecting was a was a societal hobby. Oh, okay. Like like like the the the boomers were like targeted with uh advertising to collect coins, like like and stamp and stamp collecting and all that. It's all it's all the same thing. Wow. I mean, it was an acceptable hobby, you know, of that generation.

SPEAKER_02 30:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

You know, I mean, and it it it's it's just it's just a matter of, you know, how what what the parent sort of attached themselves to. I mean, there hasn't been a boomer house that I've been in where there wasn't some kind of collection. Because everybody had to have a collection of something. You know, be it I mean, it could even be fishing lures. I mean, it could be it could be um radio test tubes. Wow. Yeah, weird, weird stuff. Weird stuff.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

Weird stuff. Oh, that is so interesting. Oh my gosh, we could cover so much more. We we have to have you back on because we have to. I know there's gonna be a lot of people that are interested in this, and we haven't even really got into the surface. I try to keep everything at 30 minutes. Yeah, it's a huge topic. It's a huge topic. It's a huge topic.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

And it's different, it's different based on what age group you're in. Right. Yeah, you know, yeah, exactly. And then Gen X is right in the middle, right? Like you're struggling between a generation that doesn't want it and the generation that kept every prior generation. Yeah, so really it's this is all on your shoulders, right? You're the last generation that's gonna have to deal with this in this magnitude. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

It is the Gen Xers. I also want to have you back to talk about this generation, the 50 somethings, the 60 somethings that now are right sizing, downsizing, which we did. You saw our Connecticut home, we sold that, and we're we're now in two much smaller places and we're loving life. But that was a whole process to get rid of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

And there's a lot of mistakes, there's a lot of mistakes to be made, even in your age bracket. Exactly. So we got to come back and talk about that because there's just too much. Um let me just ask you, yeah, and I was gonna ask you this last question, but I'm changing it because I want to hear what you would say now that I know you've done this since you were 15, which is amazing. So, you know what, if you were sitting on the couch, Roger, and you're sitting there and you look over and there's Roger at 30, what advice would you give him?

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Oh, Roger at 30. Oh my god. Yeah. Um Roger at 30. I mean, as as I am now, like like the future, what advice would you give your younger self? You know, I don't there's some things that I wouldn't have sold that we found in houses, you know, like real, real like like treasure, yeah, you know, yeah that we just had to sell to pay the bills. But you know, honestly, um I I probably would have I probably would have started an auction house a lot sooner. You know, um taking the risk. In the beginning, we were we were sending everything off to auction. But I think if we would have started an auction house sooner, um we could have we could have had more control over the process.

unknown 33:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Because, you know, even even for a liquidator, you know, like like you know, like like we were, you know, it's a hot potato.

unknown 33:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

You've got to, I mean, it's all about selling it. You've got to push it, right? So having an auction house makes you slow down a little bit and pay more attention. Um, and you can also maximize your your return with that. But I mean, honestly, Amy, I I there are I really don't have any business regrets. I mean, yeah, we we did what we did, we got through it, we heal we helped a lot of people, we paid the bills, yeah you know, and it was a lot of fun. I mean, it was a lot of fun, a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Yeah, I think it'd be fun to work with. I mean, I just think it would it would make the process more fun. Yeah, and you're learning along the way too. And I just love the part of it that you know, those conversation starters that you shared. That's that's gold for people. If they can take that, those words and kind of insert them this weekend coming up if they're with their parents,

Guilt, Identity, And Letting Go

SPEAKER_03 33:59

and you know, don't save it until yeah, you gotta do it now, you know. It's like we just we've got to have those conversations.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

So you can't have any guilt because you know, the guilt isn't about um if you feel guilty about throwing something away, that guilt isn't about the object. That guilt is about the relationship you have with either that memory that the object embodies, or you have guilt with the relationship of the person you're trying to get get it away from. So that guilt is not about it's not about the act of throwing the object away. It's about something that that is with that that's broken in the past. You know, that's wow. Yeah. I always tell people I say, I say, keep keep the sparks, but not the logs.

SPEAKER_03 34:52

I like that. I like that. Thanks, Roger. This is such a great conversation. So I will share everything in the episode notes where to get a hold of Roger, you know, follow him, reach out with questions. That's the way, you know, that's don't be scared to start asking those questions and get out there and start the process. So I really appreciate you. It's so good to see you. You too, Amy. Good luck. All right, thank you.

Wrap-Up And How To Connect

SPEAKER_03 35:19

If this episode resonated with you, I hope you'll share it with someone who may need a little encouragement, clarity, or inspiration in this season of life. And don't forget to subscribe. You know the right size life, was originally Fearlessly Facing50, and now we've rebranded to the Right Size Life. So make sure you're following it on anywhere you listen to podcasts. It's on all the platforms. And you can find me at Fearlessly Facing50.com, F-I-F-T-Y. Remember, 50's always spelled out. On Instagram, I'm the Amy.schmidt, and on Facebook at Fearlessly Facing50. And I would love for you to get on the waiting list for my book, which will be launching soon. So if you'd like to be on the list and the first to know when it launches, you can go ahead and simply email me, Amy at fearlesslyfacing50.com, F-I-F-T-Y.com, and put the word list L-I-S-T in the subject line, and I will add you to the waiting list. And remember, sometimes the next chapter begins with letting go. I'll see you next time on the right side's life. Have a great and blessed.