Resources mentioned in this podcast:

 FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course
https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

Master Powerful Tactics to Gain Control When Triggered into a Toxic Argument https://krisreece.com/live-workshop/

Am I a People Pleaser Quiz?  Discover Your Type.
https://krisreece.com/am-i-a-people-pleaser/

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life?  Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Being in a marriage with a narcissist can leave you feeling like you've got only two choices: resign yourself to a life of misery or pack your bags and leave.

Before you make a decision that will change your life forever, I want to talk to you about three categories to consider when contemplating a divorce from a narcissistic spouse.

With a multitude of twisted scriptures, it can be difficult to determine the most biblical action for your situation. So by the end of our time together, my hope is that you will have greater peace in understanding God's will for your situation, and that you will have an answer the question that I get asked more than any other question--will God let me leave my narcissistic spouse?

To do that we need to address three categories: the justified, the baseless, and the plausible.  

The first category is going to be the most important to dive into but be careful not to automatically assume that you fall into this category, as most don't.

Category #1: the Justified  

These are the people who have a justifiable reason to leave the marriage.

The first justification is found in Matthew 19:9 where it states that we shouldn't divorce except in cases of infidelity. So, the first justified reason is when there is betrayal in the marriage.

Infidelity is a justification for divorce.  You’re not in the wrong.  You’re not sinning against God.  You’re free to leave.  You don’t have to, but you’re free to.   

Within the church, that's where you'll find that justification stops—no infidelity, no recourse. But infidelity isn't the only time where God allows for divorce.  

The next is abandonment.1 Corinthians 7:15 states, But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you[b] to peace.

Yet another reason is neglect or abuse. Narcissistic relationships are defined by the selfishness of one partner at the expense of the other. So instead of using scriptures like "God hates divorce" as a weapon, perhaps we should acknowledge how much God hates abuse. In fact, that scripture "God hates divorce" was written because the men were abusing their roles and discarding their wives at will.  

So let's talk about this justification of abuse.  Abuse can be defined as extreme danger or harm; physically, mentally or emotionally.  

To tell a victim of abuse that he/she needs to stay and suffer further abuse is further victimizing the innocent.  

Some may say that "no divorce" is a hard and fast rule in scripture. And I agree that it should not be abused, but we also find in scripture where there are many cases where the 'rules' are broken: 

·      Jesus talking to the woman at the well

·      Healing on the sabbath

·      David eating the showbread

·      Instructing Ezekiel to eat unclean food

We even see Abigail going behind her husband Nebal’s back because of his destructive behavior, all to save life.  

And we have scriptures that appear to contradict themselves like, turn the other che

10 Clear Signs You've Been Abused by a Narcissist

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course
https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life?  Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Are you tired of falling victim to the emotional and psychological manipulation of a narcissist?

 Do you worry that long-term exposure to this devil-sent individual will negatively impact your faith?

 Narcissists are self-centered, egotistical, fragile individuals who only care about meeting their own need—often at your expense. 

 They are excellent at playing mind games to gain the upper hand and get what they want in relationships.

 They don’t see you as an individual with feelings. They see you as a pawn for their purpose and they don’t care how their behavior impacts you. In fact, it doesn’t even occur to them.  

They are demonically inspired and often dangerous.   

 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. I would argue that if we need to be alert to the devil, we also need to be alert to the people he’s using.

 Let’s take a look at the demonic mind games they’ll use to manipulate you. 

 Demonic mind game #1: The blame game

It's easy to forget, but narcissists are very fragile individuals. 

 You may have fallen for their false facade but behind that phony exterior is an empty shallow parasite who needs to feed off of you for validation. When that validation dries up and you try to have a healthy relationship with healthy confrontation, you will see a wounded soul. And this is where it goes from broken to bad.

 Narcissists can skillfully play the victim to garner sympathy and shift blame. They may exaggerate or entirely fabricate situations where they appear to be the innocent party, diverting attention from their own harmful actions.

 Whether referring to past “failures” or current problems, narcissists will rarely accept responsibility for their actions. They’ll blame all the relationship issues on you. They never feel like anything is their fault. They’ll even make things up, so that you’ll be the one to fix their mess, all while they play the victim.

This behavior dates back to the beginning of time when God called out Adam for eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. What did he say? “The woman YOU gave made me do it.”

 Now, I’m not saying that Adam was a narcissist, but you see how cunning the devil was right from the start.

 Demonic mind game #2: The trigger game

Do you ever wonder how the narcissist seems to know ALL of your pain points?  That’s because they studied you like a book.  

 Not with the intent to truly get to know you, but for the sheer purpose of gathering information for the future. That’s why they work so hard with love bombing to win you over, break down your guard, and get you vulnerable.  

 This can really throw you for a loop, especially if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist who doesn’t seem to care or listen, but suddenly when you’re arguing or they’re trying to get their way, they seem to have amazing recall. Every mistake you’ve made, every little thing you’ve said can and will be used against you.  

 Demonic mind game #3: The coercion game

If narcissists don’t get what they want from you, they will use various forms of manipulation, guilt, shame, and triangulation all to get you to feel bad about yourself, second guess your boundaries, and ultimately give them what they want.

 If you think the narcissist only uses coercion with big ticket items, think again. This tactic is their go-to with EVERYTHING, which is why narcissists can be so exhausting to be in relationship with.

If you struggle with only being OK when others are OK with you, please check out my online course called Conquering Codependency Biblically. https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

 Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life?  Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Have you ever wondered WHY that person isn’t respecting your boundaries?  

 Perhaps you think you need to find a better way to communicate or maybe you believe there are just some people who are boundary-proof. 

 That’s why today, I want to dive into the ONE mistake that will cause your boundaries to fail every time AND what you can do to fix it.

 This particular mistake reminds me of the time my friend Meredith asked me to come with her to the car dealer to negotiate a price on a car.

 You see, this was the car she'd always wanted. She dreamed about it for years and she was finally able to afford it. Sort of.

 It was still a little out of her price range but she was so close that she couldn't take wait any longer. She knew how much I've saved on car purchases over the years, so she asked if I would join her. Happy to help her avoid over-paying, I said yes. Then I told her I have a few questions and there are a few rules. The biggest question was, are you flexible on colors and options? And the rules were this: 

1. Let me do all the talking.
2. Don't get excited about the car.
3. Follow my lead, even if you disagree.

DEAL!  She was so excited to drive off the lot with her shiny new sports car.

 We headed into the dealer. Gabe greeted us on the lot. And from the moment Meredith sat in that driver’s seat, I knew we were going to have an issue. She was so giddy that the salesperson looked like a kid who just scored the biggest lollipop. He knew he already had her, and I know I had my work cut out for me.

 When we finally sat down at Gabe's desk, the issue went from bad to worse.  

 Gabe laid out the price and I pushed back. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Meredith was getting squirmy. Each time Gabe went to speak to his manager to get approval for what I was asking, Meredith needed to be talked off the ledge.  

 “Let’s not push so hard,” she’d say. “What if he changes his mind?”

 “Changes his mind about what? Selling you a car? I don't think so.” But Meredith was terrified her dream car could slip right through her fingers.

So when Gabe came back with his final offer--which I found to be completely unacceptable, especially given that sales were down and there were four of the exact same model on the lot--I knew it was time to say “Thank you Gabe, but no thank you.” Just as I was about to open my mouth, Meredith jumped out of her seat and said, “I'll take it.”

 I pushed myself away from Gabe's desk and knew my time here was done. There was nothing more I could do to help Meredith get the best price possible on her dream car. 

Truth be told, Gabe could have charged her double and I think she would have found a way to pay.  

 You might be wondering, Kris, what does this have to do with boundaries? Everything. In fact, the one mistake that’s keeping you stuck with people who don't respect your boundaries is the SAME mistake Meredith made—the inability to walk away. 

 Now, I'm not saying that you have to walk away from a relationship to get what you want (that's just manipulative). But I am saying that if you can't go without whatever they're offering you, your boundaries won't stick.

 Before you go thinking that this is just some game of “get m

Grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide right here https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Why is it that some Christians are able to move on from toxic relationships while others stay stuck in their hurt feelings?

 Maybe you've suffered so long, you don't even know what happiness feels like anymore.

 Before you go thinking that God's forgotten you (or worse, getting angry at Him), I want to break down for you three very powerful reasons why this hurt may be lingering more than you'd like,

AND the prayer that could change EVERYTHING.

 To do that I need to remind you what happens when you touch a hot iron. You may cringe at the thought because you know how much it hurts. But how do you know it hurts? Well if you're as stubborn and stupid as me, it's likely because you HAVE touched one of these at some point in your life. (Despite how many times your mamma told you not to.) And once you did, the pain was excruciating. Maybe you even needed to go to the hospital. And I'm going to take a wild guess and you never did that again.

 The same is true for toxic relationships. We enter into them, ignoring the red flags, and then we slide right into the sizzle.

 For what godly reason would this happen? There are actually three of them. 

 Reason #1: God wants to make sure you learn  

What do you think would happen if God just took those feelings away, erased them from your memory, wiped them from your emotional hard drive? You'd enter into a toxic relationship again, because you'd have no memory of how painful it was. 

 So yes, God will allow these feelings to linger to teach you. I'm not saying that what that person did to you was OK, or even excusable. But ignoring this valuable insight is like being offered a ride in a luxury SUV but choosing a piggyback ride instead.

 Reason #2: You’re trying to stay in the driver’s seat

Even with these valuable lessons learned, missing what I’m about to share could cause you—as it would most Christians—to backslide during a difficult time. 

 If you're like me, you use your GPS for everything, even when you know exactly where to go and how to get there. 

 And again, if you're anything like me, if your GPS tells you to go a way that differs from where YOU think you should go, you ignore it. (I told you I wasn't smart.)

 And what happens? More often then not you're stopped by a traffic jam or worse. That's because the GPS knows the roadblocks and delays you can run into.

 Your hurt feelings are the roadblocks and God is your GPS.

 God doesn't always remove the roadblocks because they actually serve His purpose. Just like his purpose for the Israelites in the Red Sea and the wilderness wasn't to harm them but rather draw them closer to HIM. 

 Could it be that God wants to be your guiding light on this journey of healing? My friend, don't miss an amazing relationship opportunity because you're upset that he's not teleporting you to your next destination.

 Reason #3: God wants you for His purpose

You may be saying, “Kris, that's great. I've learned my lesson and I've made my way back to God. But what's the point in keeping me in pain for so long?”

 That question can best be answered by Sam’s example. Sam was a trainer I hired when I had my old personal training business. 

 Sam was highly educated. She graduated at the top of her class in biomechanics and she could tell you about anything that had to do with anatomy, from the function of the hip flexors in relation to the knee upon deceleration to the distal insertion point of the femur.

 There was only one problem: Sam had zero life experience. She couldn't relate to our clients who came to us wantin

Grab your FREE Promises of God Guide https://krisreece.com/13-promises-of-god/

Need a counselor?  Connect with Faithful Counseling. https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece 

What if I told you that everything you thought about forgiveness was wrong? That in seven short minutes I will help you understand why these people still set you off--even years after you've walked away and forgiven them?

 I'm going to answer the question that's been haunting you once and for all—“Have I truly forgiven?”—and overcome the biggest forgiveness myth holding back Christians today. 

 It all comes down to bookmarks. 

 I want you to think of your life as a book, and each significant trauma or experience as a different chapter. When someone hurts you, it's like placing a bookmark in that particular chapter. You can believe that you’ve forgiven and then move on. However, the bookmarks still remain in the book.

 Even as you continue living your life, those bookmarks make it easy to flip back to the painful chapters. This act of inadvertently returning to these chapters can make you feel as though you haven't truly moved on or forgiven, even though you’ve tried to close the chapter.

 There are three reasons why it’s so easy to flip back to those bookmarks. 

Reason #1: Unresolved trauma

Many bookmarks were created by a traumatic experience—one that you've tried to push aside, but it still needs to be dealt with.

You may be thinking, “Yeah but that was 20 years ago. I should be able to let it go by now.”

But letting something go is not the same as resolving it. 

 We often think avoidance is the best option (and don't get me wrong, in some cases it is). 

But if there's stuff going on inside of you—well, everywhere you go, there you are. That’s why an old memory, an unexpected phone call, or a harsh comment can all elicit an outsized reaction.

Resolving that trauma is like removing the bookmark. 

 If you have unresolved trauma, it's important to find a good Christian counselor who can help as it can take a toll on you and your relationships. We've connected with Faithful Counseling to help you find a counselor that's right for you. Simply click this link https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece for more information. 

 My hope is that you will get the healing that you need to work through the pain of the past and in doing so, you get to remove the bookmarks.

 But unresolved trauma is only part of the reason that you're getting triggered long after you've forgiven. 

 Reason #2: Unresolved trust

If you're not creating NEW bookmarks, it almost feels like there's nothing worthy in your story.

So when you get triggered, you will automatically default to the old bookmarks. When your anger kicks in, when someone tries to manipulate you, when you hear about how the other person is slandering you, yet again you may not have anything new to refer to. In other words, you have unresolved trust. 

You know you can't trust your trauma any longer, but what can you trust? If you do not cre

 AGrab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide right here
 https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Why is it that some Christians are able to move on from toxic relationships while others stay stuck in their hurt feelings?

 Maybe you've suffered so long, you don't even know what happiness feels like anymore.

 Before you go thinking that God's forgotten you (or worse, getting angry at Him), I want to break down for you three very powerful reasons why this hurt may be lingering more than you'd like,

AND the prayer that could change EVERYTHING.

 To do that I need to remind you what happens when you touch a hot iron. You may cringe at the thought because you know how much it hurts. But how do you know it hurts? Well if you're as stubborn and stupid as me, it's likely because you HAVE touched one of these at some point in your life. (Despite how many times your mamma told you not to.) And once you did, the pain was excruciating. Maybe you even needed to go to the hospital. And I'm going to take a wild guess and you never did that again.

 The same is true for toxic relationships. We enter into them, ignoring the red flags, and then we slide right into the sizzle.

 For what godly reason would this happen? There are actually three of them. 

 Reason #1: God wants to make sure you learn  

What do you think would happen if God just took those feelings away, erased them from your memory, wiped them from your emotional hard drive? You'd enter into a toxic relationship again, because you'd have no memory of how painful it was. 

 So yes, God will allow these feelings to linger to teach you. I'm not saying that what that person did to you was OK, or even excusable. But ignoring this valuable insight is like being offered a ride in a luxury SUV but choosing a piggyback ride instead.

 Reason #2: You’re trying to stay in the driver’s seat

Even with these valuable lessons learned, missing what I’m about to share could cause you—as it would most Christians—to backslide during a difficult time. 

 If you're like me, you use your GPS for everything, even when you know exactly where to go and how to get there. 

And again, if you're anything like me, if your GPS tells you to go a way that differs from where YOU think you should go, you ignore it. (I told you I wasn't smart.)

 And what happens? More often then not you're stopped by a traffic jam or worse. That's because the GPS knows the roadblocks and delays you can run into.

 Your hurt feelings are the roadblocks and God is your GPS.

 God doesn't always remove the roadblocks because they actually serve His purpose. Just like his purpose for the Israelites in the Red Sea and the wilderness wasn't to harm them but rather draw them closer to HIM. 

 Could it be that God wants to be your guiding light on this journey of healing? My friend, don't miss an amazing relationship opportunity because you're upset that he's not teleporting you to your next destination.

 Reason #3: God wants you for His purpose

You may be saying, “Kris, that's great. I've learned my lesson and I've made my way back to God. But what's the point in keeping me in pain for so long?”

 That question can best be answered by Sam’s example. Sam was a trainer I hired when I had my old personal training business. 

 Sam was highly educated. She graduated at the top of her class in biomechanics and she could tell you about anything that had to do with anatomy, from the function of the hip flexors in relation to the knee upon deceleration to the distal insertion point of the femur.

 There was only one problem: Sam had zero life experience. She couldn't relate to our client

 If you’re ready to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide.
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

So you’ve finally put your foot down. Maybe you’ve kicked the narcissist to the curb or cut ties with toxic family members. After much prayer and soul searching, you’re ready to move on.

But before you can cue the confetti, you get the message, “I’ve changed.” 

Could this be the turnaround you’ve been praying for? Or just another tool in their manipulation toolbox?

That confusion is why I want to talk to you today about the three powerful clues that will show you that this person has actually changed, as well as the ONE thing that guarantees they haven’t.

 I think of relationships with toxic people like a garden that was once beautiful and vibrant with so much potential, but that is now completely wilted and shriveled.

 Some people would walk past this garden and think nothing of it. Either they don’t recognize the garden is dying, or worse, they just don’t care. 

 But run-down gardens don’t happen by accident. They’re a result of neglect and maybe even abuse. 

 The hurt you experience in relationships doesn’t happen by accident, either. 

 Clue #1: Recognition

If your relationship is like a garden where all the plants are either dying or dead, both parties need to recognize that (a) there’s a problem, and (b) that each person has contributed to the problem. 

 Typically, people who have sinned against you won’t recognize their role in creating the problem. And if you try to point out the ways they have contributed, you will most likely be accused of nagging and holding on to the past, when all you are seeking is acknowledgment of the actions that brought this beautiful garden to this awful place.

 If you have been in a relationship with a toxic gardener, you need to hear them own their contributions. Don’t settle for mere recognition that the relationship is withering on the vine. 

 When recognition is present, it's like turning on a light in a dark room. It might be a mess but at least you can see where you’re going and what needs to be done.

 Clue #2: Repentance

Clue #2 is what so many of us long for, beg for, and argue over. 

 My client, Crystal made the mistake of demanding it from her mother who would belittle her in front of others but call it ‘mothering.’ Crystal was 56. She didn’t need ‘mothering.’ She needed her mother to say the words she so longed to hear. And they weren’t “I love you.” They were the words “I’m sorry.”

 But Crystal’s mother didn’t even recognize that was she was doing was wrong. Instead, she justified her behavior and even blamed Crystal for ‘making’ her behave this way because she not obeying her mother.

 But clue #2 is more than just hearing those two magic words. It’s about repentance. 

 What's the difference? 

 Do you remember when you were a kid and you’d get into a fight with another student at school and the principal would take you both into the office, make you shake hands, say you’re sorry and make up?

 Yeah, that’s not repentance.

 Words of apology alone hold no more power than someone claiming they believe in God but don’t live a life that follows Him. 

 Repentance is a deep regret over the pain you’ve caused and the extreme effort to turn in the other direction.

 It’s not, “sorry,” “I’m sorry,” “I’m sorry, if only you…,” or “I’m sorry YOU,” or any other deflecting, devaluing statement that's meant to sound like and apology. 

 It begins with I'm sorry “I” and continues to move forward to the next phase. In o

And if you're ready to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab copy of Toxic People Survival Guide     https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

You've done your research. And you now believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're dealing with a narcissist.

You know it.

 They know it.

 They know you know.

 Now what?  

 Today, I want to dive deep into the pathetically predictable pattern you can expect to see when God exposes a narcissist. This pattern will prove to you once and for all that it's not all in your head AND give you the clarity need to answer the question: do I stay or do I go?

To start, we need to clarify once and for all that it doesn't matter who the potential narcissist may be—parent, pastor, partner, sibling, coworker, or friend—God WILL expose the narcissist. 

No matter who your narcissist is, it's likely you spent years being confused by the mixed messages, the lies, the manipulation, and don't even get me started on the gaslighting! Or perhaps you've had so many twisted bible scriptures thrown at you that you've become a pro at dodging them. But God in his faithfulness has brought you out of confusion and into clarity.

it's like the blinders have been removed.

You're no longer fooled by the craziness and you see with crystal clarity that this person only cares about themself. And then you can expect THIS.

Confusion comes a knockin’ all over again.

Because now they know you know. They'll never verbally admit it, but they know the tide has turned, and the jig is up.Unless they have someone else to fall back on, get ready my friend--it's about to get more toxic. 

Narcissists are very observant people, especially of anything that concerns them.

Once they sense that you’re hip to their tricks, they get flustered, nasty, defensive, or avoidant. It's these initial reactions that you need to focus on, as you're going to need to refer back to this later in the final phase of their reaction. (Which is what we'll get to shortly.) 

After this initial toxic reaction, you can then expect to see a slightly different narcissist.  

Phase 1: They will employ any effort necessary to get things back to ‘normal.’

This phase is a little easier to detect as they will go to whatever behavior has worked in the past. If intimidation had a high success rate, they will come in strong with that. If guilt was the go to, you'll get an extra dose.  

Whatever has worked in the past, expect an amped up version of that.

But hold firm, my friend—the ride has just begun.

Enter Phase 2: Threats, insults, rage—anything to trigger you, so that YOU react.

They do this so they can now look at your toxic reaction and say, “See, you're the problem. If you were more patient, kind, understanding, and weren't so nasty, critical and controlling.”

In their mind, they feel better because you've just proven (to them of course) that your toxic reaction means you're the problem.

But you're not phased. Nonsense like that would have killed you in the past, but not now. 

Get ready for phase 3. 

I have to warn you. THIS is where it gets confusing. THIS is where they get you to let your guard down and bring your hope up.

Stick with me.

When the go-to tactics don't work, when the entrapment fails, THEN comes the apology.

At this point, you're likely wondering, Maybe they've changed? What if they finally get it?

Take your FREE Am I a People Pleaser Quiz?  Discover Your Type.
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How to Heal from a Toxic Mother- Restoring Your Life Through Faith Online Course
https://krisreece.com/how-to-heal-from-a-toxic-mother/

Toxic Mother Survival Course - The Christians Guide to Dealing with a Toxic Mother Biblically  http://krisreece.com/toxic-mother-survival-course/

Faithful Counseling
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**
Moms are supposed to be supportive and nurturing, but what happens when the very woman who should be your number-one fan is your greatest adversary?

 If you're like most people, you slip into a confusing, guilt-ridden mess. That's why in today's episode, you’re going to learn 10 signs that your mother is a narcissist. These are the signs that every single one of my students has experienced but just couldn't make sense of.

  Please note that Christianity isn’t about just slapping a love label on someone and ignoring the damage they cause. Nor is our time together meant to be a mom-bashing episode. Rather, you want to allow God to bring to light what the enemy is trying to keep in darkness so that you can have an accurate assessment of your situation AND honor God in your interactions. 

 So let’s dive into 10 signs (and I'm really curious to hear what you think about number 10!).

  Sign #1: She sees you as an extension of her

Imagine how someone would feel if they weren't allowed to have their own identity, and weren't able to make their own choices without upsetting someone. Such treatment leads to a codependent, performance-driven mess.

  Yet narcissistic mothers often live through their children. Maybe mom always wanted to be the popular one, so she pushed you to always look ‘pretty.’ Or, she didn't finish college, so now you had to go to a prestigious school so SHE could have bragging rights.

 Most of us moms like to be proud of our children’s choices, but narcissistic moms take this to a toxic level. If you're a reflection of her, the result is that you must make choices based upon HER preferences. 

 Sign #2: She’s critical  

Not all critical people are narcissists but all narcissists are critical. She likely has something to say about everyone and everything, and in doing so, positions herself as superior.

 This criticism can be overt—outwardly judging someone (or you) for their choices—or it can be passive aggressive—making comments about someone else in an attempt to get the message to you.

  Ironically, if you have a criticism or complaint about your mother, you will likely be met with a toxic overreaction, as you are now creating a crack in her fragile facade.

 Sign #3: She has toxic reactions

Look, we all can over react or react poorly from time to time. But for narcissistic mothers, radioactivity is their MO. You can likely predict that she will have a defensive, stonewalling, victim-like reaction if you attempt to bring anything to her attention.

Narcissistic mothers cannot and will not look at themselves. So if you challenge her delusion, her response will be nuclear.

 NOTHING is ever her fault and if you try to argue otherwise you will get met with a victim and martyr act.  

 Sign

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
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Faithful Counseling
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Tired of feeling like people just take advantage of your good nature?

 Perhaps you loan money that never gets repaid, you get stuck baking for another fundraiser, or you drive out of your way to help a sister who never returns the favor. You basically put your life on hold for others, and it’s getting old.

 That’s why, today I want to warn you about the five signs that scream “Walk all over me.”

 Sign #1: You say yes out of guilt

Do you find yourself saying yes when you’d prefer to say no? Perhaps you even kick it up a notch and disguise your guilt behind acting like a cheerful giver.

 Don’t be fooled my friend. True cheerfulness doesn’t come from an exterior smile, but rather from an interior attitude. 

 If you’re constantly saying yes and later regretting it, then it’s likely you’ve set yourself to be taken advantage of by others.

 Oh, I’m not saying they’re not to blame for overstepping, but if someone is taking advantage of your good nature and you don’t stop it, there likely won’t be an end in sight.

 You might do well to get some help over why you struggle with guilt, why you fall for their outlandish stories of desperation, and why their approval is more important than your peace. 

 If you need help unpacking the pains of your past, we’ve connected with Faithful Counseling. They can help you find a counselor that is right for you. Click above for all the details. 

Sign #2: You avoid confrontation 

Do you consider yourself a peacekeeper? Perhaps your motto is ‘peace at all cost.’ 

What if I told that there’s a difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker?

 The difference is, one is biblical, the other is not.

 Peacemakers have peace ruling within their hearts. 

 Peacekeepers usually have fear, anxiety and resentment ruling within them.

 Peacemakers are active. 

 Peacekeepers, on the other hand, are passive—and sometimes passive aggressive. They often go along to get along. They stay quiet so as not to disturb the peace even when a disturbance may be needed. 

Peacemakers are honest about their feelings and circumstances and will even expose lies so that the wounds can begin to heal. 

 Peacekeepers on the other hand are often in denial about feelings and circumstances. 

 Peacemakers look for harmony through reconciliation.

 Peacekeepers look for harmony through avoidance.

 Sign #3: You apologize—all the time

Is ‘I’m sorry’ your go-to response?

 While we’re called to repent of our wrongdoing, saying ‘I’m sorry’ just to keep others from experiencing bad feelings isn’t repentance, it’s enablement. AND it can make you a target for toxic people.

 Keep your apologies for when you’ve truly done something wrong. Don’t apologize to manage someone’s emotions and make them feel better. 

 If you struggle with feeling resentful after you apologize, it’s likely you’re struggling with codependency. To learn how to stop people-pleasing and start God-pleasing, check out my online course Conquering Codependency Biblically. All the details are here for you. 

 Sign #4: You go with the flow<

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Toxic thinking can be like a game of pinball. It seems manageable—maybe even fun at first—but add a stress here, an old wound there, and before you know it, your mind is completely out of control.

 At any moment of any day, your mind can be triggered by old wounds, Satan’s demons, bad habits, or just something someone said, and the next thing you know, your mind is reeling out of control.

 It can feel like hundreds of pinballs are all dropping into the machine at once and you can’t figure out which one to hit first. 

 THIS is what your thoughts can look like in an unrenewed mind.  

 Whether your toxic thoughts are negative, fearful, anxious, or angry, how you deal with them can be the difference between a quiet game of solitaire or a chaotic game of pinball.

 It’s been said that we get bombarded by more than 50,000 thoughts a day. But there’s a difference between those thoughts that give you life and the thoughts that are sucking the life right out of you.

 It’s my hope to help you say goodbye to fear and hello to faith. Goodbye to chaos and hello to calm. Goodbye to confusion and hello to clarity… okay, you get the picture.

 So let’s dive into the four steps that will help you get control of those thoughts before they take control of you.

 Step #1: Reveal

In this step, you’re actually not going to focus on the pinball, but rather the trigger. 

 You want to better understand WHY you’re reacting to certain people, thoughts and situations.  

You see, it’s tempting and easy to blame others for triggering us, thereby making it their fault and their responsibility for controlling YOUR thoughts and emotions.

 When the truth is, you can’t trigger something that isn’t there. To stick with the pinball analogy, if there’s no ball, there’s nothing to set into motion. 

 This is where you’ll want to deal with the stuff lying beneath the surface—the past hurts, old wounds, neglected traumas, unfulfilled dreams, and insecurities. These are all things that make it so much easier for you to get triggered.

 Your job is not to control the triggers around you. It’s to deal with what's going on inside of you. So allow God to REVEAL what He needs to reveal.

 Step #2: Refocus

You can throw your hands up in the air and blame everything in your life on the out-of-control balls, or you can apply the principle found in 2 Corinthians 10:5: “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

 My friend, don’t let your thoughts run free like a bully on a playground. It is your mind—it’s your job to direct it. 

 When my mind is going in a wrong direction, I am proactive in giving what God is revealing over to Him. This doesn’t mean that I just ignore something and pretend it’s not there. But it does mean that we are to be intentional about the focus of our own thoughts.  

 Step #3: Rethink it

Once you’ve captured that thought, stop and ask yourself: Is this thought helpful or harmful to my mental and sp

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Tired of feeling like a doormat, like you attract people who just take from you with no regard or concern for your wellbeing?

 Christians are often encouraged to give until it hurts. “Let people take advantage of you,” “Forbear under abuse,” that’s what Jesus would want us to do, right?

 WRONG. 

There’s some serious scripture twisting and misinterpretation going on when we believe that God created us to be a doormat for others.

 Yes, we are to love and forgive and forbear—but it’s time to untwist some misconceived scriptures about what it means to set limits with others. 

 That’s why I want to show you the five signs that God is trying to show you it’s time to stop letting people walk all over you and start setting boundaries. 

 Sign #1: You’re afraid to set limits with others 

It’s not uncommon for people pleasers to see limits as unloving. Add to that the uncomfortable feelings that you’re left with that you’re letting someone down, and it’s enough to make even a border patrol agent step back in fear. 

 The truth is, your inability to set limits with others will not result in the reciprocation you long for. 

 I know you’re waiting for them to return the good deed, but it’s not going to happen.

 Setting limits is less about the “how” and more about the “what”. After all, you already know how to say no. Go ahead, try it. Just say the word “no” for me right now.

 See, it’s not how, it’s what that’s the hard part, but we’ll talk about that in a few. 

 Sign #2: You feel responsible for other people’s thoughts and feelings 

I understand that it feels loving to think and feel for others. But when consideration crosses into codependency, you have an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

 Feeling responsible for others’ feelings takes the responsibility off of them and puts it onto you. And guess what kind of people this trait attracts? Takers!

 There are plenty of irresponsible, lazy, immature people out there who would be more than happy to offload their personal responsibility onto you.

 And if you see it as ‘loving’ to take that responsibility from them, you will be loaded down like a pack mule until you’re swayback. 

 And then wonder why you’re so tired and no one appreciates you. 

 Sign #3: You fail to make clear agreements

It may seem nice on the surface to always defer to another person for their input, but it makes it difficult to actually be in a healthy, interdependent relationship with someone who can’t make their own decisions.

 God gave you unique desires, thoughts, perspectives, and preferences, all of which should contribute to a wonderful relationship dynamic. 

 The problem comes in when the other person doesn’t value what you bring to the table. Instead of letting that knock you back, let it be an indication of the potential problem in the relationship.

 Just remember—having a problem in your relationship doesn’t mean that you ARE the problem. 

 Sign #4: You have no time for God

If I had a nickel for every time a people pleaser has defended why they don’t have time for God by saying they are too busy doing HIS work by serving others, I’d be a very rich woman. 

 Yes, we are called to serve others, but not at the expense of what God has entrusted you to steward. That includes your time, talent, and treasures.

 Blaming others for taking your time doesn’t take you off the hook. It puts you on the hook for setting better boundaries. 

 It’s true that life can get busy and there

 Struggling with people pleasing?  Take your FREE Am I a People Pleaser Quiz to discover your type.  https://krisreece.com/am-i-a-people-pleaser/

While you’re focusing on how to protect yourself from a narcissist’s manipulative schemes, 

the enemy is laser focused on YOU. He’s using backdoor attempts to infiltrate YOUR life.

 And while it’s tempting to blame the narcissist—after all, THEY are the Trojan horse—the truth is that 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us that we are to “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 

 In fact, there are seven different demonic doors that can be opened in your life as a result of a narcissistic. Let’s take a look at each one so you can learn how to slam them shut in the mighty name of Jesus.

 Door #1: Confusion

The most common quality narcissists develop within their victims is confusion. 

 Your desire to resolve conflict and grow in your relationship is met instead with an onslaught of underhanded accusations and backhanded belittlements. It’s enough to leave you bewildered, wondering how they’re just not understanding what you’re saying. 

 Here’s the truth: they don’t understand because they don’t care. You’re confusing their fake, self-serving interactions with a genuine interest in the relationship.

 My friend, God is not the author of confusion. Believe His promises and respond promptly to His commands and confusion will loosen its grip on you.

 Door #2: Suspicion 

When someone you should be able to trust betrays you, it hits to the core. It leads you to think, If I can’t trust my parent or partner, who can I trust? You begin to view others through the lens of suspicion. 

 I get it. You’ve been hurt. But I want to encourage you to not allow the enemy to use a spirit of suspicion to destroy any future relationships.

 That doesn’t mean you override your God-given discernment and trust everyone—that would be foolish. Rather, allow God to show you who you can and can’t trust by leaning on Him and waiting to see what fruit they produce. 

 Door # 3: Identity Crisis

Whether it’s listening to their damaging words or spending all of your focus on meeting their needs, being in a narcissistic relationships is an invitation to live below your potential.

 Over the years I’ve encountered many narcissistic survivors who say, I don’t even know who I am. If you’re not grounded in Christ, being involved with a narcissist can wreak havoc on your self-esteem.

The solution: turn your focus to who God says you are—despite what the narcissist says. Immerse yourself in scriptures like Psalm 139:13-16 and Ephesians 2:10 until God’s word begins to drown out the narcissistic lies.

 Don’t fool yourself though, this will be a battle, as the enemy will want to pull you back into that old toxic thinking. Keep fighting, my friend. 

 Door #3 definitely opens the door to #4.

 Door #4: Codependency

Codependency is an unhealthy attachment to others, and a reliance on others to get your needs met. It’s like you can’t be OK unless they’re OK with you. 

 In codependent relationships, you rely on each other instead of God. As romantic as it sounds in movies, it’s destructive in healthy relationships. 

 Satan is a master at getting you to look to others for your needs and then calling it ‘love.’ Codepdendents are classic mood monitors. They pride themselves on ‘feeling’ others’ feelings.

This is not a super power, this is a demonic distortion of what healthy interdependent relationships should look like.   

 If you are struggling

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 After years of dealing with a toxic person, you’re finally free--free from the mental and emotional bondage of trying to live up to their narcissistic expectations. 

 Yet you may be wondering why you don’t feel as blissful as you thought you would. 

 That’s why today, I want to walk you through the three steps that God will bring you through after a narcissistic relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was a parent, partner, pastor, or friend, these three detox steps will help you recognize when God is at work in your life or when the enemy is still looking to keep you down. 

 Before you consider heading back to Egypt, stick with me, my friend. After our time together you’ll be better equipped to take back your life.

 Here’s what you can expect God to do in the next 12 months and beyond:

 Step #1: He will REVEAL

In the months following the relationship detox, God will begin to pull back the veil and you’ll start to see where you went wrong—things you tolerated, actions you mistook as love, immature or ungodly ways you dealt with matters, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. In other words, God's going to start showing you YOUR part. 

 Luke 12:2 tells us: “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.”

 This doesn’t meant you’re to blame or the other person wasn’t a problem. But IF you will allow him, God will begin to do a transforming work within YOU, breaking you free of old mindsets and habits. 

 That work is going to begin with revealing your weaknesses and blind spots. He may highlight your codependency, your insatiable need for approval, or your fear of confrontation. While the other person doesn’t get a pass, it’s imperative that you recognize your part in this dynamic. 

 You were drawn to this person for a reason. Let God reveal that.

 They were drawn to you for a reason. Let God reveal that.

 You struggled with boundaries for a reason. Let God reveal that. 

 You have hurts you need to address before bringing them into another relationship. Let God reveal that. 

 Here’s the great news. In this phase, He will also begin to show you who He created you to be. 

No longer are you living under the shadow of someone else’s expectations and opinions. Now you can just be yourself. But you may not know who you are. Let God reveal that. 

  (If you need a little jump start, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE What’s my temperament guide. Link)

 But it doesn’t end there. Once these areas of identity and triggers are revealed, God will move you into step 2

 Step #2: He will DEAL

In this next phase, God will help you to deal with your past pains and problems. He is faithful to walk with you through the process of dealing with the collateral damage of whatever He is revealing.

 Maybe your husband left you with fractured identity, or your parent infected you with a disease to please. Whatever it is, this is not the time to shift blame. It is time to allow our Lord to do His transforming work within you.

 Allow Him to teach you the things you need to learn.

 Allow Him to renew your mind to his truth.

 Allow Him to walk with you as you pull up the root of bitterness and break free from the demonic influence designed to keep you in bondage. 

 I love to meditate on Psalm 23:4; Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod a

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Do you ever wonder why your relationships start out great but then turn into a confusing, one-sided mess that leaves you scratching your head and wondering Why do I ALWAYS attract these people? 

 Maybe you even feel torn between the desire to see it through and the urge to run for the hills. 

 Today, I’m going to explain in detail why your greatest life strength is likely your worst relationship weakness AND give you the three steps needed to stop being taken advantage of by these parasitic, freeloaders. 

 Understanding this one problem will help you recognize why your relationships aren’t as mutually beneficial as you’d hoped. 

 So what is it? 

 It’s being solution-oriented, better known as problem-solving.

 You may be thinking, Kris, that’s a great quality to have. How could it possibly cause such a problem? 

 I get it. As a solution-oriented person myself, I don’t like to waste time blaming others or wallowing in self-pity. If you’re anything like me, you don’t crumble under pressure—you get things done!

 And that is an amazing quality that many people will be drawn to. Including toxic, dependent, leeching, narcissists.

 Are you seeing the problem? 

While problem solving is an amazing quality, hen it comes to relationships, your ‘solution’ focus can actually BE the problem.

 You have a God-given gift of knowing what to do in each situation. And you likely derive joy in helping others solve their problems. But that’s where the true problem comes in—when you find yourself solving the same problems for the same people, and that incredible strength that you once felt so good about now has made you feel used.

 Your relationships aren’t mutually beneficial, and it’s draining the life out of you. 

 Your solution-seeking gift is attracting nothing but problem-oriented people like a magnet. 

 Why? Because, the dynamic works perfectly together. Solution-oriented people don’t feel alive unless they are solving problems, so it makes sense that they would be drawn to people who need help.

And of course the problem-oriented person would be attracted to the solution-seeking person because well, they need solutions.

 But the bigger problem is they only want your solutions in theory. They have no interest in using your divine wisdom to pull themselves out of the rut—they expect you to do that. They have no interest in being responsible for their own success—they’ll rely on you for that.

 And because it’s impossible for you to play that role for long, ultimately you are seen as the problem. Yett because solutions are what you do best, you stay in the trenches until 5, 10, or 20 years go by and you’ve wasted your precious gift on someone who squandered it. 

 At this point, you’re probably wondering if you’ve got to squash your solution superpower. The answer is, absolutely not! We need you problem solvers. 

 But if you do want to flourish in mutually beneficial relationships, you are going to want to harness that strength of yours.

 Here’s how: 

1. Assess the problem: If you’ve determined that the people in your life have a problem for every solution, it may be time to stop casting your pearls before pigs (Matthew 7:6). 
2. Assess the person. Your solution super power may be ready to aid every needy victim who manipulates you for help but before you offer your gift, examine the fruit. If it’s someone you’ve had history with and they’ve shown no fruit from previous solutions

 To learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide. https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Who grows more in life--the person who never has anything go wrong and has the loveliest of relationships, or the person who had to overcome adversity and challenges?

 If you said the overcomer, you’re right.

 Understanding why God may have you in a narcissistic relationship can be challenging. But does so has the potential to bring more growth and strength than you could imagine. 

 We’ll explore the four reasons why God may have you in a narcissistic relationship. By the end of our time together, you will no longer think God has forgotten you.

 Just as a caveat, remember, every situation is unique. This video aims to provide insight, not to justify unhealthy relationships.

 Reason #1: To grow you

There are a lot of life skills many adults lack through no fault of their own. Many of our parents did the best they could, but too many of us are never taught the critical skills that help us advance in life. I’m not talking about balancing a checkbook. (Does anybody do that anymore?) Or fixing a leaky pipe. I’m talking more soft skills, such as how to deal with rejection, what to say when someone insults you, how to discern good from evil, how to emotionally regulate ourselves, and the list goes on.

Just because you didn’t learn those skills then, doesn’t mean you can't learn them now.

 You likely developed survival skills out of fear-based self-protection. That is NOT how God wants you to live your life. It’s likely that God is saying, “Stop pretending you’re emotionally and spiritually grown up and let me grow you.” 

 More important is learning how to lean on and trust in the Lord with all your heart. 

 I love to hang on to the precious words found in Phil 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

 He will never stop growing you, and narcissistic relationships can be a fertile ground for growth

 Reason #2: To discipline you

You may be thinking, Wait, I'm the victim here. Why does God need to discipline ME?

 I have spoken to very few people who did not see signs that this person they were entering into a relationship with was troubled. 

 You may not have known exactly what you were dealing with, but you didn’t need a label to know that you shouldn’t have moved forward, whether it was a romantic relationship, a friend, or a pastor. 

 Often times we find ourselves in a toxic relationship because of a dysfunctional need within ourselves that we don’t want to admit—unless of course we’re talking about a parental relationship. While you certainly did not choose your parents, you may still be the type to keep a toxic door open because you want or need something. For example—staying in a toxic relationship with a parent even after you’re an adult for financial support.

 While God's correction is never comfortable, it’s helpful to remember Hebrews 12:7: “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”

 Reason #3: To humble you 

The enemy’s plan in narcissistic relationships is to get you focused on the hurts and offenses so much that you unknowingly develop narcissistic traits of your own. God will use them to humble you. 

 Deuteronomy 8:2 reminds us of the Israelites journey when it says: “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to k

As a people pleaser, you’re likely kind, compassionate, and caring.

 You like to put people at ease.

 You often go along to get along

 You likely avoid conflict at all cost.

 You assume the best of others, even when they’ve shown you their worst.

 And you often say yes, even when you should say no.

 People pleasers are just overall ‘nice’ people. And 'nice' certainly sounds like a 'nice' way to be. But ‘nice’ means that you’re pleasant and agreeable, even the expense of your own values and identity.

 Still sound ‘nice?’ 

 If you see yourself as a people pleaser, I want to share with you 9 people-pleasing traits that are not as nice as you think and the 5 steps to stop people-pleasing and start God-pleasing.

 I want you to imagine for a moment that you are a Jenga game. The goal of the Jenga game is to build a tower by removing pieces from the bottom and adding them to the top without the entire tower falling down.

 Every time you put the needs of others above your own, you remove a piece of the tower.

 Every time you:

·      change yourself to keep others happy

·      betray your values to fit in

·      allow someone to trample your boundaries in order to be liked by them

·      agree even when you disagree

·      apologize for something you didn’t do wrong

·      take the blame when it’s not yours

·      or enable bad behavior in order to keep the peace, 

 it’s a bit like removing a small piece of yourself. You compromise the foundation of who you are.

 Each individual compromise feels like no big deal. After all, it’s keeping the peace, right?

 But here’s the problem: little by little you chip away at yourself and give little pieces of yourself away to someone else until there are so many gaps that you don’t even recognize who you are. Or worse, it all comes crumbling down. 

 So when it’s important that you show up in life as you, you don’t know how, because you don't know who you are anymore. You’re not sure who you are outside of the approval and validation of others. You’re not even sure what matters most to you because you’ve spent so much of your life putting others first, seeking their validation and ignoring your own needs.

 That’s why you’re struggling to live a life of purpose—because you’ve put your purpose in other people’s hands. 

 And these people that you’re trying to please so much, don’t even find this quality attractive. All they see is a broken, fragile person they can likely take advantage of.  

 So, my question for you is this: Is this the dependent place you want to live from?

 Before things come tumbling down completely, there is a way forward.

If you are willing to follow the 5 steps I’ve outlined below, God will begin to rebuild these fragmented pieces of your personality, one by one, until you are healed and whole.

 Step 1: Recognize

Recognize people pleasing for what it truly is—a self-serving, idolatrous, even manipulative way of life. I realize this is painful to hear, but pretending that you’re doing this for others simply isn’t being honest. People pleasers strive to please others because they are trying to please themselves. You must acknowledge that underlying ‘give to get’ motive. 

 Step 2: Repent 

It’s hard to imagine having to repent of being 'nice.' But remember that 'niceness' is driven by an internal motivation for approval and validation, OUTSIDE of God. Every time you say yes to others and no to God, you confirm your allegiance to meeting your need, and not leaving it to God.

Step 3: Resolve
Now is the time to decide whom you'll s

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It was 2012. I was growing in my faith like many Christians, slow and steady. But something happened in December of that year that led me to make a decision that caused my faith to skyrocket. It was one of THE most difficult times of my life.

 Today, I’m going to share with you the one simple change I made to strengthen my faith, and then I’m going to tear apart some common misconceptions when it comes to trusting God and what I could have done better. 

 What was going on in my life that made trusting God so challenging?

I’d been an entrepreneur most of my life. For the most part, things went well, until they didn’t. 

 Business wasn’t what it used to be. I was newly married. It was smack in the middle of a recession. My savings were drained. My income was down to 1/3 of what I used to make. My wonderful new husband was severely underemployed, and on top of that, he had an ex-wife who loved going to court for sport. The strain of step parenting, preparing my daughter for college, and having a mid-life shift in a tiny two-bedroom townhome was enough to drive anyone to find solace in a cookie jar.

 Needless to say, life was NOT what I hoped it would be at this stage of my life.

 And suddenly God tells me it’s time to move on. 

 Move on? Gladly. Whacha got for me Lord? A shiny new business opportunity? I’ll take whatever new beginnings you have for me, Lord. Move me along.

 I sensed in my spirit God telling me to move on into ministry.

 If silence had a sound, this would be deafening. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. 

 Lord, didn’t you hear me. I’m struggling here.  

Of course He heard me, but I wasn’t hearing him. I didn’t want to believe that leaving a love of business would turn into a life in ministry.

 How did I respond? 

Truthfully, my heart was all in, but my head was hesitant. I was the breadwinner of the family and business was all I’d ever known. But now, God was not only asking me to close the business but also to go back to school, meaning I would lose income AND add expenses.

 I’m no math wiz but this wasn’t adding up.

 So I vacillated, I negotiated, and I contemplated. The more I did, the worse it got. God wasn’t looking for my understanding. He was looking for my trust.

 So what did I do? 

I panicked. The truth is, I was used to trusting in myself. I’d done it for years. But now, I had no idea what life was going to look like, I had no idea where our next mortgage payment would come from. Nothing made sense and the worst part is, I had no control over anything.

 I had a choice to make. Would I continue to rely on my own resources, or would I trust Him? 

 What I realized at that moment, is that I hadn’t trusted God as much as I thought I did (as evidenced by my panic). 

 So I made ONE change.

 I chose to hang up any preconceived notions about what God should do for me and when. And I decided that I was just going to trust Him. Day by day, moment by moment, I put my trust in Him to work it all out.

 Sounds so simple, but simple and easy aren’t the same. There are some common misconceptions about what true trust in the Lord looks like.

 Misconception #1: Faith is a feeling. 

We can all feel good when we hear an encouraging worship song or when we’re blessed in our circumstances, but if that same faith turns to fear the minute that your circumstances change, your trust wasn’t really where you thought it was.

 If you’re the type that responds by saying, “Oh, it’s only natural to react th

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You want to live a life of purpose. You long to feel fulfilled in what you do. And of course, your ultimate desire is to hear those wonderful words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

 But why is it that some Christians try everything to find their calling and still feel purposeless, while others seem to just fall into it and flourish?

 I’ve noticed patterns that cause Christians to find significance in life without selling their soul. 

And sadly they’re the things that most Christians are doing wrong. 

 So today, I want to share with you the 4 purpose-wreaking mistakes to avoid at all cost, and how to fix them if you are making them so you can stop fretting and start stepping into the calling God has for you. 

 Mistake #1: Holding on 

Did you know that one of the most common ways to trap a monkey is to place a banana in a cage? The monkey grabs hold of that banana and won’t let go, meaning he can’t pull his hand out of the trap. If he would simply let go, he could easily slip his hand out and be free. 

 That’s how Christians behave when they aren’t fully submitted to the Lord. 
 Are you holding onto something that is keeping you from living your God-given purpose? Maybe it’s money, fear, or prestige. Whatever it is, God is asking for it to be completely surrendered, so that He can have His way.

 If you find yourself fretting and frustrated, it’s likely because you’re holding onto something and not trusting His sovereignty. 

 Mistake #2: Trying to be something you’re not

This is one that I believe is a BIG problem in the body of Christ. And sadly I have fallen victim to it as well. In fact, I wasted 11 months of my life purpose in trying to be something that others convinced me was beneficial. 

 My journey to purpose started with a desire to help God’s people grow in faith, but I had no idea how to express it. The problem came when I tried to model myself after others. In other words, I was trying to be someone that I wasn’t. 

 I let others convince me that soft and sweet was the way to be, that taking the safe road was the way to reach more people, that I needed to be liked, and so on. 

 I was all over the place. 

 The truth is, I’m not really sweet, definitely not soft, I hate playing it safe, and it’s way too much work to be anyone other than myself! 

But I thought it was a good idea to take the well meaning but dead wrong advice of others instead of consulting with my manufacturer (as in, God).

 All that time I spent struggling and striving to be something else when all I really needed to do was to operate in my God-given temperament and flow in my God-given gifts. 

 I want to encourage you to stay in your lane. It will be the only way you can finish your race. 

 Mistake #3: Mistaking career for purpose

When I first stepped out as a Christian coach, my heart’s desire was to help others discover their God-given purpose. But in session after session, I would meet with people who were bent on finding the right career choice. And because I wanted to see them happy and successful (and not frustrated with me), I ended up walking that road with them. 

 Many of the clients I worked with did find alternative careers but it didn’t mean that they were living a life of purpose. 

 Since those initial encounters I’ve recognized that there really are two types of Christians: those who long to find purpose, and those who believe career equates to purpose. 

 Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being in a career you love, but it doesn’t mean you’re living your life p

 If you’re struggling to be in relationship with a narcissist, a good support system is necessary. If you need a Christian Counselor, check out our sponsor, Faithful Counseling  https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece 

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Most professionals agree that narcissists can’t change. 

 I don’t believe that’s true. I believe narcissists can change.

 Today, I want to share with you why I disagree, the three caveats of narcissism, and the guidelines that will help you determine if your narcissist is redeemable. 

 This isn’t based upon statistical information or popular psychology, but rather my own opinion and experience. 

 I’ve seen a lot of narcissists in my day. 

 I’ve experienced first-hand personally and professionally the damage that a narcissist can do to your physical, emotional, mental, and even your spiritual health. In many cases, there can be lifelong side effects. 

 For me to make such a bold contradictory statement, let me break down, informal levels of narcissists, and help you determine if your narcissist is redeemable, or beyond hope.

3 (Informal) Types of Narcissists: Ignorant, Arrogant, and Malignant

The ignorant narcissist is typically unaware of their destructive behaviors. They are likely emotionally immature and have not been taught properly. 

This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but there’s some hope here, with a big ‘if’ attached (and we’ll get to the if in a moment.) Think of these ignorant narcissists as children. 

The arrogant is another level up. This narcissist recognizes their wrongdoing, yet continues to make decisions that only work in their favor. 

Arrogant isn’t limited to the overt narcissist. Arrogant simply describes the lack of care that a person has regarding their actions. 

This narcissist likely knows exactly what they’re doing and doesn’t care unless it impacts them.  More on that in a moment.

The malignant narcissist is the most troublesome of all. This narcissist is solidified in their beliefs that life is all about them and they will trample anyone in their way and they don’t care who it impacts. These people are highly abusive and derive pleasure from hurting others. 

They will stop at nothing to lie and manipulate to get what they want. 

While many people in narcissistic relationships jump to the assumption that their narcissist is malignant, please understand that this is a very, very small percentage of the narcissists out there.

Now that we’ve broken the levels of narcissism down, let’s look at how likely your narcissist is to change.

There’s hope IF…

·      Their life is impacted in a negative way. 

·      There’s a risk that they’ll lose something that’s important to them. For example, your love, time, affection, money, companionship, etc. 

·      They are an ignorant or arrogant narcissist. 

Remember, narcisissts are very self-centered individuals. They only care what’s in it for them. 

This is where your boundaries can prove helpful.

They will often fall in line, albeit reluctantly, if there is a great risk of loss for them. 

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all types of difficult people?  Grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide here. https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Have you ever been told that “Love conquers all,” or “All you need is love”?

While these make for great song lyrics, they also make for great gaslighting weapons designed to make you believe that it’s your responsibility transform a narcissist. 

These ideas may make you think if you can just love like Jesus, everything will be great. The gaslighting will stop, they’ll value you as a person, and they’ll finally realize all the wrong they’ve done to you. 

 This, my friend, is wishful thinking. 

 That’s why I want to talk to you about why your love can’t change a narcissist, and share something that can. 

 I was prompted to think about loving the narcissist after a message came through on one of my videos on YouTube. This viewer wrote (I shortened it for the sake of time): 

 “Have you ever wondered if your videos may cause people to divide, rather than seek to love others? We serve a loving God that desires us to love Him most and love others as ourself (Mark 12:30-31).

 God knows the full story. He tells us to talk to the other person. He tells us to love, forgive, seek peace, do not lean on YOUR own understanding. How much better place this world would be if we could seek to stop labeling others and looking for fault, and figuring out ways to be on guard against people all the time. How much happier we would be if we did things God's way!”

I was going to respond to the message but realized that there’s so much to unpack here and it’s likely something that you’re struggling with too. You’re either asking similar questions or you’re struggling with people like who twist God’s scripture to bring shame to an already painful situation. 

There’s much that I disagree with in this message, but for the sake of time, I want to focus on this idea of ‘love’. 

Many people, especially Christians, are under the misconception that it’s our job to love unconditionally. 

But there’s even much debate among scholars as to whether God’s love is truly unconditional.

Some will say that God’s love IS unconditional, as displayed in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

While His love is unconditional, His acceptance and rewards are not. 

Others say God’s love is conditional because His love cannot contradict his goodness and holiness. But in his love, he provided a solution--the finished work of the cross--and all we need to do is repent to be in right relationship with Him. (Maybe with a few consequences to pay, but in with God nonetheless.) 

Regardless of which side of the fence you fall on, what many are interpreting as ‘love’ is actually tolerance and enablement of sin, no repentance required. 

So, if your love communicates tolerance to a narcissist, why would they change? 

The truth is, the narcissist interprets your love as foolishness. They’re not thankful for it. They expect it. 

Much like a sinner who hears the “God loves you so much” message and thinks, “OK, cool, I’m good then,” so does the narcissist feel in the face of your love. 

Perhaps it’s time to reject the notion that you’re somehow a bad Christian if you don’t endure narcissistic abuse, and embrace the wise words of Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”

After all,