This speaker was recorded at an Addictive Eaters Anonymous event held in Dublin, Ireland in January 2023. For more information, visit www.aeainfo.org
My name is Meirion, I‘m an addictive eater. It's really great to be here. And it's really great to see people you know, in the flesh. And
yeah, I've just spent the first little while here, just kind of soaking people in. Because I see people here a lot on screens and, and it's nice just to be around around you, so. And so it says, ‘‘...we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics [or addictive eaters]... The delusion that we are like other people, or presently maybe, has to be smashed.‘‘ And it gets smashed, by trying to be and eat like other people or hoping that I presently may be able to eat like them. And it took, I took a lot of trying, like, I spent a lot of time trying to eat like other people, and I could make a really good start. I was good at making starts. And not so good at seeing anything through whether it was to do with food, or work like jobs. Relationships. Like any part of life, I was a good starter.
And I didn't really know what that had to do with food. Like when I was young. Like, right, from a little kid, I was stealing food and lying about it. I would take things from my mother's kitchen. And this was as a toddler, I think, you know, and I, I would and for some reason, I thought I figured I had to lie about it because something said it wasn't right. But it wasn't ever something I felt like I could easily talk about or admit. And so it's always sneaky, always sneaky. And always like I just if I got hold of stuff, there was no sharing going on. And it was like if if if I was forced to share it was like I was having to hand over like part of myself
so so it would you know, food had a lot more to it than just just the food and and I just carried on you know, stealing you know, I was a little criminal, just a little criminal. And you think, ‘Well, it‘s only like, only stealing food from a shop‘ you know? And I you know, I was 9-10 years old but you know stealing and, you know, still stealing when I was probably 15, you know 16, and I only stopped because I started to get some money. You know, I just needed I needed what I thought I needed and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it and as I got older the food kind of it went underground a bit because I found alcohol and and other things and and it appeared you know, I kind of I'm a bit of a generalist, so I'll just use anything that I can to deal with ‘The Living Problem‘, you know, the difficulty with relationships, and I don't just I just mean any relationships and like, just a way of getting through life, you know, I just wasn't I didn't have the skills. Yeah. And, and I certainly didn't have the capacity to separate out what was useful thinking and what was, you know, not useful thinking. It was a, like a revelation, this idea of you know, I heard someone share in this morning, like a recorded share about decision making. And the guy was, this is a guy from AA, he was saying that if they'd have taken a gorilla from a zoo, and had them throw darts at a dartboard, yes or no. That, that just the gorilla throwing the darts would make better decisions about my life than I could. You know, is this a good idea for Meirion, yes or no? And I just, I, every, every decision I made, was filtered through the the yeah, the filter of ‘how, how's this gonna work out for Meirion?‘ And I didn't know that's how I lived. And I can see now that you know, all of the like, the problems and the what's the word, just the negative outcomes of decisions are just based on the facts or result of the fact that, I all I could, all I could do was think about, ‘how's this gonna affect me? How can I make myself feel better?‘ and, you know, and the rest of it. And so the idea of, of accepting guidance from somebody, which is what was suggested, you know, when I, when I found Addictive Eaters Anonymous, it was suggested that I kind of give up my ideas about how to live and just take, do you know, tell someone what I'm thinking of doing, and then taking some guidance on how to handle things. And, you know, it's, it just seems so simple now, like, because they would tell me really much the person that sponsors me now was, was one of the first people that I met in AEA, and you know, it was it was not hard, not difficult, unusual things, he was saying. Things like, ‘‘Turn up for work.‘‘ ‘‘Stay at work. ‘‘ Like, ‘‘Don't leave your job, don't leave your job!‘‘ (laughter) You know, if you start something, you know, unless there's really compelling reasons, just carry on with it. And, you know, that, that that whole thing has been a revelation to me because I couldn't stick anything. Couldn't stick at anything. And and, you know, it's like, it's not rocket science. It's not rocket science. But if you go into if I go into my head to try and figure out it will always just, it'll come up with some great ideas about how Meirion's life is gonna get put in this like, wonderful situation, and I know how to get there. And then it's a total mess. You know, total mess with loads of hurt and upset and a worried mother you know, worried mother. And she doesn't I mean, she probably still worries but she doesn't really worry about me like she used to. So you know, I know that... If I, if I start to, you know, if I start if I pick up the food, if I pick up the food, it just opens up the floodgates to all... if I want all of that back, all I have to do is pick up the food. Because I, I can't manage a little bit. I can't manage a little bit so I have to manage none of it. So yeah, very happy to be here. And I'll leave it there. Thanks.