{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.12,"endTime":3.84,"body":"Hi, this speaker has been"},{"startTime":0.12,"endTime":3.84,"body":"recorded at a meeting of"},{"startTime":3.84,"endTime":7.56,"body":"Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For"},{"startTime":3.84,"endTime":7.56,"body":"more information, visit our"},{"startTime":7.56,"endTime":11.88,"body":"website www.aeainfo.org"},{"startTime":14.09,"endTime":19.58,"body":"Hi, everyone, my name is Melanie"},{"startTime":14.09,"endTime":19.58,"body":"and I am an addictive eater. And"},{"startTime":20.06,"endTime":24.77,"body":"it is just so great to be here."},{"startTime":20.06,"endTime":24.77,"body":"And, and so great to be asked."},{"startTime":24.83,"endTime":30.35,"body":"And I got to get to the meeting"},{"startTime":24.83,"endTime":30.35,"body":"a little bit early, just to make"},{"startTime":30.35,"endTime":34.1,"body":"sure the sound would work. And"},{"startTime":30.35,"endTime":34.1,"body":"it was just nice. You know, just"},{"startTime":34.1,"endTime":38.75,"body":"seeing all the kind of the"},{"startTime":34.1,"endTime":38.75,"body":"technical back end work for the"},{"startTime":38.75,"endTime":43.04,"body":"want of a better phrase that's"},{"startTime":38.75,"endTime":43.04,"body":"involved in having an online"},{"startTime":43.04,"endTime":46.28,"body":"meeting. Yes, I'm just grateful"},{"startTime":43.04,"endTime":46.28,"body":"for all the service work that"},{"startTime":46.28,"endTime":50.66,"body":"goes into that. So that I get to"},{"startTime":46.28,"endTime":50.66,"body":"just get to come to this meeting"},{"startTime":50.66,"endTime":55.73,"body":"every, every Friday night. So"},{"startTime":50.66,"endTime":55.73,"body":"yeah, I'll share my experience,"},{"startTime":55.79,"endTime":58.46,"body":"strength and hope. And I"},{"startTime":55.79,"endTime":58.46,"body":"wouldn't say I have a lotta"},{"startTime":58.46,"endTime":61.16,"body":"experience but well just thats"},{"startTime":58.46,"endTime":61.16,"body":"because of age, I don't know"},{"startTime":61.16,"endTime":65.3,"body":"sure where to start. I mean, I"},{"startTime":61.16,"endTime":65.3,"body":"was a, I believe now I was born,"},{"startTime":65.75,"endTime":70.01,"body":"an addictive eater. And this,"},{"startTime":65.75,"endTime":70.01,"body":"you know, the symptom symptoms"},{"startTime":70.01,"endTime":73.64,"body":"of it were just kind of, I"},{"startTime":70.01,"endTime":73.64,"body":"guess, just increased, or when I"},{"startTime":73.64,"endTime":77.27,"body":"was a teenager, I started"},{"startTime":73.64,"endTime":77.27,"body":"noticing or thinking, 'Oh aw,"},{"startTime":77.27,"endTime":81.47,"body":"this isn't right.' What I'm"},{"startTime":77.27,"endTime":81.47,"body":"doing with my eating, I always,"},{"startTime":81.86,"endTime":84.98,"body":"you know, when I was a teenager,"},{"startTime":81.86,"endTime":84.98,"body":"I knew this wasn't right, talk"},{"startTime":84.98,"endTime":89.51,"body":"in the big book about the"},{"startTime":84.98,"endTime":89.51,"body":"remorse that the addict"},{"startTime":89.51,"endTime":92.33,"body":"alcoholic feels as they, you"},{"startTime":89.51,"endTime":92.33,"body":"know, they always feel remorse."},{"startTime":92.33,"endTime":96.05,"body":"And I felt that from the"},{"startTime":92.33,"endTime":96.05,"body":"beginning. But remorse didn't"},{"startTime":96.05,"endTime":100.46,"body":"stop me and I just I suppose"},{"startTime":96.05,"endTime":100.46,"body":"with binge eating as well, I did"},{"startTime":100.58,"endTime":103.88,"body":"put it as a progressive or"},{"startTime":100.58,"endTime":103.88,"body":"change. It's sneaky, this"},{"startTime":103.88,"endTime":106.88,"body":"disease, you know, I think I"},{"startTime":103.88,"endTime":106.88,"body":"don't binge eat anymore, but I'd"},{"startTime":106.88,"endTime":110.03,"body":"be doing different things like"},{"startTime":106.88,"endTime":110.03,"body":"marathon running, and that might"},{"startTime":110.03,"endTime":111.59,"body":"sound 'oh, there's nothing"},{"startTime":110.03,"endTime":111.59,"body":"wrong, nothing wrong with"},{"startTime":111.89,"endTime":116.45,"body":"running marathons. But I ran on'"},{"startTime":111.89,"endTime":116.45,"body":"and it's just been my, the only"},{"startTime":116.45,"endTime":118.52,"body":"reason I was doing that is"},{"startTime":116.45,"endTime":118.52,"body":"because I could, I could eat"},{"startTime":118.55,"endTime":123.62,"body":"more and keep the weight off. Or"},{"startTime":118.55,"endTime":123.62,"body":"I'd be undereating or just just"},{"startTime":123.62,"endTime":127.58,"body":"crazy stuff. I went to New"},{"startTime":123.62,"endTime":127.58,"body":"Zealand once and cycled around"},{"startTime":127.58,"endTime":132.53,"body":"it and managed to gain a lot of"},{"startTime":127.58,"endTime":132.53,"body":"weight while cycling 50"},{"startTime":132.53,"endTime":136.4,"body":"kilometers 60 kilometers per"},{"startTime":132.53,"endTime":136.4,"body":"day. And I just got crazier"},{"startTime":136.4,"endTime":141.56,"body":"crazy. Like I came into 12 Step"},{"startTime":136.4,"endTime":141.56,"body":"fellowship meetings in my early"},{"startTime":141.56,"endTime":148.97,"body":"20s. So yeah, so 20 years ago, I"},{"startTime":141.56,"endTime":148.97,"body":"first came across them when my"},{"startTime":149.72,"endTime":152.39,"body":"mom was in treatment for"},{"startTime":149.72,"endTime":152.39,"body":"alcoholism, and I started going"},{"startTime":152.39,"endTime":155.3,"body":"to Al Anon meetings. And I"},{"startTime":152.39,"endTime":155.3,"body":"remember my first one goes, they"},{"startTime":155.3,"endTime":161.18,"body":"said, 'Are you an alcoholic?'"},{"startTime":155.3,"endTime":161.18,"body":"I'm so offended. And, you know,"},{"startTime":161.39,"endTime":166.16,"body":"but I am, you know, like they,"},{"startTime":161.39,"endTime":166.16,"body":"they but anyway. And the other"},{"startTime":166.16,"endTime":169.43,"body":"thing they said was, 'well, you"},{"startTime":166.16,"endTime":169.43,"body":"know, you can't change the"},{"startTime":169.43,"endTime":171.47,"body":"alcoholic in your life, like"},{"startTime":169.43,"endTime":171.47,"body":"what is it going to come to"},{"startTime":171.47,"endTime":173.63,"body":"meeting? Why are you...? What"},{"startTime":171.47,"endTime":173.63,"body":"are we doing here? So we're not,"},{"startTime":173.66,"endTime":177.32,"body":"you know, I was there to change"},{"startTime":173.66,"endTime":177.32,"body":"the other person. So that so,"},{"startTime":177.83,"endTime":181.07,"body":"and then I found out, I was"},{"startTime":177.83,"endTime":181.07,"body":"living in a town actually in"},{"startTime":181.07,"endTime":184.16,"body":"rural Ireland and was looking at"},{"startTime":181.07,"endTime":184.16,"body":"the newspaper, there was another"},{"startTime":184.37,"endTime":187.76,"body":"print advertisement for a 12"},{"startTime":184.37,"endTime":187.76,"body":"Step fellowship for food. And I"},{"startTime":187.76,"endTime":193.07,"body":"went along to that, and thus"},{"startTime":187.76,"endTime":193.07,"body":"began a long journey really, of,"},{"startTime":193.4,"endTime":197.33,"body":"sort of, I don't like admitting"},{"startTime":193.4,"endTime":197.33,"body":"it but it was a half baked kind"},{"startTime":197.33,"endTime":203.42,"body":"of attendance at meetings, and"},{"startTime":197.33,"endTime":203.42,"body":"maybe periods of time, where I"},{"startTime":203.42,"endTime":206.81,"body":"will wouldn't be binging but I'd"},{"startTime":203.42,"endTime":206.81,"body":"always end up going back to it,"},{"startTime":207.17,"endTime":211.19,"body":"in one form or another. Yeah."},{"startTime":207.17,"endTime":211.19,"body":"Like, I just remember the shares"},{"startTime":211.19,"endTime":213.2,"body":"about... was it being on the"},{"startTime":211.19,"endTime":213.2,"body":"fence, you know, somebody"},{"startTime":213.2,"endTime":216.59,"body":"suggested to her to get off the"},{"startTime":213.2,"endTime":216.59,"body":"fence, and close the back door."},{"startTime":216.77,"endTime":220.34,"body":"And I so related to that,"},{"startTime":216.77,"endTime":220.34,"body":"because I was so long on the"},{"startTime":220.67,"endTime":224.78,"body":"fence when the door opened, you"},{"startTime":220.67,"endTime":224.78,"body":"know, one foot in a 12 step"},{"startTime":224.78,"endTime":227.54,"body":"fellowship meeting, and then"},{"startTime":224.78,"endTime":227.54,"body":"another foot, whatever I could"},{"startTime":227.54,"endTime":231.32,"body":"think of counseling into a"},{"startTime":227.54,"endTime":231.32,"body":"treatment center and wanted to"},{"startTime":231.32,"endTime":234.14,"body":"go into another one and was"},{"startTime":231.32,"endTime":234.14,"body":"trying out different counselors"},{"startTime":234.14,"endTime":237.59,"body":"just going around the circle."},{"startTime":234.14,"endTime":237.59,"body":"And I was just lucky enough,"},{"startTime":237.74,"endTime":241.76,"body":"just so lucky, I feel so blessed"},{"startTime":237.74,"endTime":241.76,"body":"that the 12 step meetings I went"},{"startTime":241.76,"endTime":246.47,"body":"to, I met a group of people,"},{"startTime":241.76,"endTime":246.47,"body":"some of them, they're all in AEA"},{"startTime":246.47,"endTime":250.97,"body":"now, alot of them are at this"},{"startTime":246.47,"endTime":250.97,"body":"meeting, and I just they just a"},{"startTime":250.97,"endTime":255.5,"body":"really clear message. You know,"},{"startTime":250.97,"endTime":255.5,"body":"they shared how bad they were."},{"startTime":255.53,"endTime":258.41,"body":"And they were bad. Because my"},{"startTime":255.53,"endTime":258.41,"body":"ego was telling me there was"},{"startTime":258.41,"endTime":261.92,"body":"nobody in the world as bad as I"},{"startTime":258.41,"endTime":261.92,"body":"was, and but these guys were had"},{"startTime":261.92,"endTime":264.86,"body":"been bad. But I could see now"},{"startTime":261.92,"endTime":264.86,"body":"that they were better, and not"},{"startTime":264.86,"endTime":268.28,"body":"just and consistent,"},{"startTime":264.86,"endTime":268.28,"body":"consistently better for a long"},{"startTime":268.28,"endTime":271.79,"body":"time, and actually, in their"},{"startTime":268.28,"endTime":271.79,"body":"lives just continue to get"},{"startTime":271.79,"endTime":275.81,"body":"better and better. And it must"},{"startTime":271.79,"endTime":275.81,"body":"have been a part of me that just"},{"startTime":275.81,"endTime":279.68,"body":"that wanted what they had."},{"startTime":275.81,"endTime":279.68,"body":"Eventually, I was willing to do"},{"startTime":279.68,"endTime":284.78,"body":"what they did. I just just,"},{"startTime":279.68,"endTime":284.78,"body":"yeah, I saw I kept coming back"},{"startTime":284.78,"endTime":288.74,"body":"and I kept, started to come into"},{"startTime":284.78,"endTime":288.74,"body":"this fellowship. Yeah. And life"},{"startTime":288.74,"endTime":291.8,"body":"has just gotten better, and"},{"startTime":288.74,"endTime":291.8,"body":"better and better. And it's not"},{"startTime":291.8,"endTime":294.26,"body":"like a journey of just ever"},{"startTime":291.8,"endTime":294.26,"body":"increasing, everything's going"},{"startTime":294.26,"endTime":299.3,"body":"great. I mean, there's a lot of"},{"startTime":294.26,"endTime":299.3,"body":"challenges or upheavals happen"},{"startTime":299.33,"endTime":302.81,"body":"in sobriety here at AEA, but"},{"startTime":299.33,"endTime":302.81,"body":"I've I'm so blessed. I've just"},{"startTime":302.81,"endTime":306.59,"body":"been you know given support or"},{"startTime":302.81,"endTime":306.59,"body":"shown sort of a more than just a"},{"startTime":306.59,"endTime":312.14,"body":"sane spiritual way of living."},{"startTime":306.59,"endTime":312.14,"body":"Because of myself, I'm just mad,"},{"startTime":312.71,"endTime":316.07,"body":"mental just, you know, without"},{"startTime":312.71,"endTime":316.07,"body":"this program without this, you"},{"startTime":316.07,"endTime":319.19,"body":"know, the framework and the"},{"startTime":316.07,"endTime":319.19,"body":"discipline of members do here,"},{"startTime":319.4,"endTime":324.2,"body":"prayer and meditation and"},{"startTime":319.4,"endTime":324.2,"body":"service and talking to members"},{"startTime":324.2,"endTime":326.78,"body":"and sponsorship, you know"},{"startTime":324.2,"endTime":326.78,"body":"without that I'm cast adrift."},{"startTime":327.71,"endTime":330.41,"body":"I'm not saying that... I'm just"},{"startTime":327.71,"endTime":330.41,"body":"wondering if you're new, and"},{"startTime":330.41,"endTime":334.94,"body":"you're hearing that, I just,"},{"startTime":330.41,"endTime":334.94,"body":"that's just, just, to me, I"},{"startTime":334.94,"endTime":337.82,"body":"just, that's just the nature of"},{"startTime":334.94,"endTime":337.82,"body":"the disease I have. That's just"},{"startTime":338.12,"endTime":341.78,"body":"so it's not that I'm a bad"},{"startTime":338.12,"endTime":341.78,"body":"person, I just have a garden"},{"startTime":341.78,"endTime":345.29,"body":"variety alcoholic, and, and"},{"startTime":341.78,"endTime":345.29,"body":"without doing these things"},{"startTime":345.56,"endTime":350.48,"body":"that's my, that's my default"},{"startTime":345.56,"endTime":350.48,"body":"position. Yeah. And there's a"},{"startTime":350.78,"endTime":356.42,"body":"chapter in the AA Twelve Steps"},{"startTime":350.78,"endTime":356.42,"body":"and Twelve Traditions are on"},{"startTime":356.42,"endTime":360.08,"body":"step one. And there's the last"},{"startTime":356.42,"endTime":360.08,"body":"paragraph and, you know, it's"},{"startTime":360.08,"endTime":363.23,"body":"says 'oh what's oh all this"},{"startTime":360.08,"endTime":363.23,"body":"insistence that we hit rock"},{"startTime":363.23,"endTime":367.73,"body":"bottom?' And says that no"},{"startTime":363.23,"endTime":367.73,"body":"alcoholic, you know, self"},{"startTime":367.73,"endTime":371.03,"body":"centered in the extreme and no"},{"startTime":367.73,"endTime":371.03,"body":"alcoholic is going to do these"},{"startTime":371.03,"endTime":376.46,"body":"things, you know, inventory and"},{"startTime":371.03,"endTime":376.46,"body":"restitution and self sacrifice,"},{"startTime":376.58,"endTime":380.9,"body":"unless, unless they're doing it"},{"startTime":376.58,"endTime":380.9,"body":"just to save themselves. Yeah."},{"startTime":381.23,"endTime":386.33,"body":"So yeah, I know, it sounds like"},{"startTime":381.23,"endTime":386.33,"body":"I didn't come to I came to AEA"},{"startTime":386.33,"endTime":390.8,"body":"because I was, you know, I was"},{"startTime":386.33,"endTime":390.8,"body":"broken, beaten. And, yeah, and I"},{"startTime":390.8,"endTime":394.55,"body":"suppose that's in a way, a kind"},{"startTime":390.8,"endTime":394.55,"body":"of a spur, as well to keep on to"},{"startTime":394.55,"endTime":400.88,"body":"keep on going. So, yeah, it's"},{"startTime":394.55,"endTime":400.88,"body":"great. And I just love the, it"},{"startTime":400.88,"endTime":405.2,"body":"just keeps getting better and"},{"startTime":400.88,"endTime":405.2,"body":"better, deeper and deeper in"},{"startTime":405.2,"endTime":409.61,"body":"that no, I suppose what you'd"},{"startTime":405.2,"endTime":409.61,"body":"call a relationship with my"},{"startTime":409.61,"endTime":413.87,"body":"higher power, you know, that, as"},{"startTime":409.61,"endTime":413.87,"body":"I grow, as I stick around, and"},{"startTime":414.95,"endTime":418.52,"body":"it has a willingness to do the"},{"startTime":414.95,"endTime":418.52,"body":"suggested things or make changes"},{"startTime":418.52,"endTime":423.74,"body":"in my life, I just, you know,"},{"startTime":418.52,"endTime":423.74,"body":"that the fear is less, you know,"},{"startTime":423.74,"endTime":429.02,"body":"that my dependence on, you know,"},{"startTime":423.74,"endTime":429.02,"body":"people or money or that kind of"},{"startTime":429.02,"endTime":433.67,"body":"security is lessened. And my"},{"startTime":429.02,"endTime":433.67,"body":"dependence is more and more on"},{"startTime":434.18,"endTime":438.89,"body":"hard to describe, all knowing,"},{"startTime":434.18,"endTime":438.89,"body":"all loving, all powerful God."},{"startTime":439.07,"endTime":442.67,"body":"And, yeah, because I see, I see"},{"startTime":439.07,"endTime":442.67,"body":"that in other members, and then,"},{"startTime":443.45,"endTime":448.1,"body":"you know, I can really feel it."},{"startTime":443.45,"endTime":448.1,"body":"In my own life, that's such such"},{"startTime":448.1,"endTime":453.95,"body":"a gift. No, it really is such a"},{"startTime":448.1,"endTime":453.95,"body":"gift. And, yeah, just to be able"},{"startTime":453.95,"endTime":459.77,"body":"to know, we're told that to pass"},{"startTime":453.95,"endTime":459.77,"body":"that on is, you know, it's funny"},{"startTime":459.77,"endTime":465.08,"body":"I, I read, I get a little"},{"startTime":459.77,"endTime":465.08,"body":"notification, I'm in a group in"},{"startTime":465.08,"endTime":469.4,"body":"a Whatsapp, I get it kind of, I"},{"startTime":465.08,"endTime":469.4,"body":"think it took me a while to"},{"startTime":469.4,"endTime":473.39,"body":"figure it out, but they give"},{"startTime":469.4,"endTime":473.39,"body":"little quotes from the big book"},{"startTime":473.69,"endTime":477.56,"body":"every day. So it's literally"},{"startTime":473.69,"endTime":477.56,"body":"going, like reading a tiny bit"},{"startTime":477.56,"endTime":480.05,"body":"from the big book just goes"},{"startTime":477.56,"endTime":480.05,"body":"right through the big book. So"},{"startTime":480.05,"endTime":482.42,"body":"you're only getting like a"},{"startTime":480.05,"endTime":482.42,"body":"couple of sentences at a time."},{"startTime":483.08,"endTime":487.97,"body":"And one of it  was, you know, a"},{"startTime":483.08,"endTime":487.97,"body":"member saying, 'oh they told me"},{"startTime":487.97,"endTime":492.14,"body":"I had to, I had to constantly"},{"startTime":487.97,"endTime":492.14,"body":"think of others. And that didn't"},{"startTime":492.14,"endTime":495.2,"body":"interest me much.' And I"},{"startTime":492.14,"endTime":495.2,"body":"laughed! I laughed at his"},{"startTime":495.2,"endTime":498.74,"body":"honesty!! Because it didn't"},{"startTime":495.2,"endTime":498.74,"body":"interest me much in the"},{"startTime":498.74,"endTime":501.71,"body":"beginning, I was like what's he"},{"startTime":498.74,"endTime":501.71,"body":"even talking about?! But now,"},{"startTime":502.13,"endTime":505.22,"body":"now I get it, and you know,"},{"startTime":502.13,"endTime":505.22,"body":"through the day, when I get to"},{"startTime":505.25,"endTime":509.06,"body":"help others. Oh then. And then"},{"startTime":505.25,"endTime":509.06,"body":"you know, all about the joy of"},{"startTime":509.06,"endTime":513.89,"body":"living, you know, what's all all"},{"startTime":509.06,"endTime":513.89,"body":"about. And I don't, I'm not sure"},{"startTime":513.89,"endTime":517.01,"body":"what the time is now, but I'll"},{"startTime":513.89,"endTime":517.01,"body":"finish finished up I have a"},{"startTime":517.01,"endTime":519.38,"body":"little daughter, I was just"},{"startTime":517.01,"endTime":519.38,"body":"dropping her off this evening."},{"startTime":519.44,"endTime":522.71,"body":"And she was just pointing up at"},{"startTime":519.44,"endTime":522.71,"body":"the sky and because it was full"},{"startTime":522.71,"endTime":527.93,"body":"of stars or planets as well. She"},{"startTime":522.71,"endTime":527.93,"body":"said the stars did I know that"},{"startTime":527.93,"endTime":532.67,"body":"they're planets? Like 'Whoa,"},{"startTime":527.93,"endTime":532.67,"body":"she's three.' Where does she how"},{"startTime":532.67,"endTime":538.37,"body":"did she, who told her? That"},{"startTime":532.67,"endTime":538.37,"body":"there the planets?! So yeah, I'm"},{"startTime":538.37,"endTime":543.5,"body":"just on just this little human"},{"startTime":538.37,"endTime":543.5,"body":"on a planet spinning around in"},{"startTime":543.5,"endTime":546.56,"body":"in a universe and it's just"},{"startTime":543.5,"endTime":546.56,"body":"great to be alive. And that's"},{"startTime":546.59,"endTime":550.76,"body":"all. That's all thanks to coming"},{"startTime":546.59,"endTime":550.76,"body":"to AEA, so I'll leave it there."},{"startTime":550.76,"endTime":551.21,"body":"Thank you"}]}