{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.24,"endTime":3.84,"body":"Hi, this speaker has been"},{"startTime":0.24,"endTime":3.84,"body":"recorded at a meeting of"},{"startTime":3.84,"endTime":7.56,"body":"Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For"},{"startTime":3.84,"endTime":7.56,"body":"more information, visit our"},{"startTime":7.56,"endTime":11.88,"body":"website www.aeainfo.org"},{"startTime":15.39,"endTime":19.68,"body":"This is the first Friday of the"},{"startTime":15.39,"endTime":19.68,"body":"month and on the first Friday of"},{"startTime":19.68,"endTime":25.53,"body":"the month, we have a speaker who"},{"startTime":19.68,"endTime":25.53,"body":"will tonight happens to be Carla"},{"startTime":26.01,"endTime":28.05,"body":"and she will share with"},{"startTime":28.05,"endTime":32.13,"body":"us and over to Carla."},{"startTime":32.84,"endTime":36.29,"body":"Thanks Leonie, kia ora everyone."},{"startTime":32.84,"endTime":36.29,"body":"My name is Carla and I'm an"},{"startTime":36.29,"endTime":40.58,"body":"addictive eater. I'm very"},{"startTime":36.29,"endTime":40.58,"body":"grateful to be at this meeting."},{"startTime":42.98,"endTime":49.52,"body":"Yes. So the first person I"},{"startTime":42.98,"endTime":49.52,"body":"talked to, from this fellowship,"},{"startTime":50.24,"endTime":54.08,"body":"of Addictive Eaters Anonymous,"},{"startTime":50.24,"endTime":54.08,"body":"what she said was the words that"},{"startTime":54.08,"endTime":59.18,"body":"she said were, 'as far back as I"},{"startTime":54.08,"endTime":59.18,"body":"can remember, I was fascinated"},{"startTime":59.18,"endTime":63.92,"body":"with food.' And that was the"},{"startTime":59.18,"endTime":63.92,"body":"first time I'd heard someone,"},{"startTime":64.28,"endTime":68.57,"body":"say something around food that I"},{"startTime":64.28,"endTime":68.57,"body":"could completely identify with."},{"startTime":70.61,"endTime":74.75,"body":"Because I just related"},{"startTime":70.61,"endTime":74.75,"body":"straightaway, as far back as I"},{"startTime":74.75,"endTime":78.92,"body":"can remember, I had been"},{"startTime":74.75,"endTime":78.92,"body":"fascinated with food as well,"},{"startTime":78.95,"endTime":82.22,"body":"when we were having it, how we"},{"startTime":78.95,"endTime":82.22,"body":"were having it, you know, I can"},{"startTime":82.25,"endTime":86.48,"body":"close my eyes and picture my"},{"startTime":82.25,"endTime":86.48,"body":"mother's pantry, you know, how"},{"startTime":86.48,"endTime":89.78,"body":"she had covered the different"},{"startTime":86.48,"endTime":89.78,"body":"containers and where, where the"},{"startTime":89.78,"endTime":93.44,"body":"good stuff was, you know, the"},{"startTime":89.78,"endTime":93.44,"body":"top shelf was where the top"},{"startTime":93.44,"endTime":98.69,"body":"shelf stuff was. And that, for"},{"startTime":93.44,"endTime":98.69,"body":"me, it was the biscuits with the"},{"startTime":98.69,"endTime":104.06,"body":"pink icing in the 100s of 1000s."},{"startTime":98.69,"endTime":104.06,"body":"And interestingly, also, that's"},{"startTime":104.06,"endTime":107.54,"body":"where the medicine cabinet was."},{"startTime":104.06,"endTime":107.54,"body":"And I always had a bit of"},{"startTime":107.54,"endTime":111.92,"body":"interest in that as well, I, you"},{"startTime":107.54,"endTime":111.92,"body":"know, remember, at a young age,"},{"startTime":111.92,"endTime":116.45,"body":"just trying trying stuff, just I"},{"startTime":111.92,"endTime":116.45,"body":"remember trying the inhaler one"},{"startTime":116.45,"endTime":121.46,"body":"time and, you know, just just"},{"startTime":116.45,"endTime":121.46,"body":"trying stuff. It didn't have to"},{"startTime":121.46,"endTime":125.12,"body":"be the top shelf stuff, if there"},{"startTime":121.46,"endTime":125.12,"body":"wasn't top shelf stuff there. I"},{"startTime":125.12,"endTime":129.32,"body":"could I remember, when my"},{"startTime":125.12,"endTime":129.32,"body":"sisters were born, getting into"},{"startTime":129.32,"endTime":133.34,"body":"the rusks, you know, they had"},{"startTime":129.32,"endTime":133.34,"body":"the risks that you could, you"},{"startTime":133.34,"endTime":138.23,"body":"could chew and you know, suck"},{"startTime":133.34,"endTime":138.23,"body":"and swallow. I remember having a"},{"startTime":138.23,"endTime":142.7,"body":"really liked, we had lambs grew"},{"startTime":138.23,"endTime":142.7,"body":"up in Hamilton. So my dad worked"},{"startTime":142.7,"endTime":147.14,"body":"for a farming company. So we"},{"startTime":142.7,"endTime":147.14,"body":"would often get lambs that we"},{"startTime":147.14,"endTime":151.37,"body":"had to feed and you know, I'd"},{"startTime":147.14,"endTime":151.37,"body":"love the milk powder, just just"},{"startTime":151.37,"endTime":154.55,"body":"straight into my mouth, you"},{"startTime":151.37,"endTime":154.55,"body":"know, teaspoons and milk powder."},{"startTime":155.3,"endTime":159.53,"body":"And so yeah, it was definitely I"},{"startTime":155.3,"endTime":159.53,"body":"could, you know, she said what I"},{"startTime":159.53,"endTime":163.67,"body":"could relate to. And then the"},{"startTime":159.53,"endTime":163.67,"body":"longer I stayed in, the longer I"},{"startTime":163.67,"endTime":168.08,"body":"still stay I still hear things"},{"startTime":163.67,"endTime":168.08,"body":"that people were saying about"},{"startTime":168.11,"endTime":173.51,"body":"their eating, or the way they"},{"startTime":168.11,"endTime":173.51,"body":"you know, they ate or, you know,"},{"startTime":173.51,"endTime":175.7,"body":"they would say things like,"},{"startTime":173.51,"endTime":175.7,"body":"'once I started, I couldn't"},{"startTime":175.7,"endTime":181.04,"body":"stop.' I heard, you know, you"},{"startTime":175.7,"endTime":181.04,"body":"know, others talking about, you"},{"startTime":181.04,"endTime":184.43,"body":"know, the light switch, you"},{"startTime":181.04,"endTime":184.43,"body":"know, the, you know, it was"},{"startTime":184.43,"endTime":188.63,"body":"either I was either dieting, or"},{"startTime":184.43,"endTime":188.63,"body":"I was eating. And when I was"},{"startTime":188.63,"endTime":192.14,"body":"dieting, at some point, the"},{"startTime":188.63,"endTime":192.14,"body":"switch would go down, and I"},{"startTime":192.14,"endTime":196.94,"body":"would just start eating again."},{"startTime":192.14,"endTime":196.94,"body":"And I had never heard people"},{"startTime":196.97,"endTime":202.07,"body":"talk like that about food. I"},{"startTime":196.97,"endTime":202.07,"body":"just I really related to that"},{"startTime":202.07,"endTime":205.28,"body":"food kind of obsession, I"},{"startTime":202.07,"endTime":205.28,"body":"wouldn't have known that"},{"startTime":205.28,"endTime":208.31,"body":"obsession was the word but you"},{"startTime":205.28,"endTime":208.31,"body":"know, that constant thinking"},{"startTime":208.31,"endTime":212.9,"body":"about food. And then for me from"},{"startTime":208.31,"endTime":212.9,"body":"a very, very young young age,"},{"startTime":212.9,"endTime":218.24,"body":"that constant thinking about"},{"startTime":212.9,"endTime":218.24,"body":"weight, and, you know, just all"},{"startTime":218.36,"endTime":226.55,"body":"all, the I don't know, all the"},{"startTime":218.36,"endTime":226.55,"body":"embarrassment, and all the shame"},{"startTime":226.55,"endTime":230.33,"body":"and the guilt that came with"},{"startTime":226.55,"endTime":230.33,"body":"being very overweight and obese."},{"startTime":230.54,"endTime":235.22,"body":"All my all my growing up years."},{"startTime":230.54,"endTime":235.22,"body":"I think I went on my first diet"},{"startTime":235.22,"endTime":238.76,"body":"when I was about 10 or 11. And"},{"startTime":235.22,"endTime":238.76,"body":"that was because I was"},{"startTime":238.76,"endTime":244.64,"body":"overweight, there was a need to"},{"startTime":238.76,"endTime":244.64,"body":"lose weight. But that just was"},{"startTime":244.67,"endTime":248.87,"body":"it just kept on that just kept"},{"startTime":244.67,"endTime":248.87,"body":"on and kept on until I came"},{"startTime":248.87,"endTime":254.45,"body":"here. So every year I could lose"},{"startTime":248.87,"endTime":254.45,"body":"10 or 20 I think up to 30 kilos"},{"startTime":254.81,"endTime":259.22,"body":"was the most that I ever lost."},{"startTime":254.81,"endTime":259.22,"body":"But then every year, like I"},{"startTime":259.22,"endTime":261.98,"body":"said, when that light switch"},{"startTime":259.22,"endTime":261.98,"body":"went off, I would just start"},{"startTime":261.98,"endTime":264.62,"body":"eating again. And all of that"},{"startTime":261.98,"endTime":264.62,"body":"weight would get put on and"},{"startTime":264.62,"endTime":268.73,"body":"more. And when I say"},{"startTime":264.62,"endTime":268.73,"body":"embarrassment with my weight,"},{"startTime":268.73,"endTime":274.37,"body":"like I you know, when I came"},{"startTime":268.73,"endTime":274.37,"body":"here, you know the things that I"},{"startTime":274.37,"endTime":277.25,"body":"thought would get solved and"},{"startTime":274.37,"endTime":277.25,"body":"these problems for me were"},{"startTime":277.25,"endTime":281.63,"body":"things like how do you stop"},{"startTime":277.25,"endTime":281.63,"body":"chafing in between your thighs"},{"startTime":281.69,"endTime":285.95,"body":"in the summer? Like how do you"},{"startTime":281.69,"endTime":285.95,"body":"just stop that rubbing? What do"},{"startTime":285.95,"endTime":290.75,"body":"you do about the fact that you"},{"startTime":285.95,"endTime":290.75,"body":"know, I'm very short to go with"},{"startTime":290.75,"endTime":295.1,"body":"the very overweight. So what do"},{"startTime":290.75,"endTime":295.1,"body":"you do about the fact that to"},{"startTime":295.1,"endTime":299.42,"body":"get your safety belt around you,"},{"startTime":295.1,"endTime":299.42,"body":"you have to have the car seat"},{"startTime":299.42,"endTime":302.84,"body":"back... But then that means that"},{"startTime":299.42,"endTime":302.84,"body":"that you can't reach the"},{"startTime":302.93,"endTime":306.86,"body":"steering wheel. Because that"},{"startTime":302.93,"endTime":306.86,"body":"was, that's where it got to. And"},{"startTime":306.86,"endTime":310.58,"body":"I'm like, you know, kind of"},{"startTime":306.86,"endTime":310.58,"body":"trying to reach. But if I had"},{"startTime":310.64,"endTime":314.09,"body":"the seat where I needed it to"},{"startTime":310.64,"endTime":314.09,"body":"be, to be able to reach, then I"},{"startTime":314.09,"endTime":321.17,"body":"couldn't get the safety belt"},{"startTime":314.09,"endTime":321.17,"body":"around me. I just the first time"},{"startTime":321.17,"endTime":326.6,"body":"I ever met Clarke, my husband,"},{"startTime":321.17,"endTime":326.6,"body":"we were at youth group and I sat"},{"startTime":326.6,"endTime":332.42,"body":"on a table and I broke it. Just,"},{"startTime":326.6,"endTime":332.42,"body":"you know, very, that's very"},{"startTime":332.42,"endTime":336.47,"body":"humbling, you know, very kindly,"},{"startTime":332.42,"endTime":336.47,"body":"he cleaned it up for me, and"},{"startTime":336.47,"endTime":340.1,"body":"he's been cleaning up my mess"},{"startTime":336.47,"endTime":340.1,"body":"ever since. I left a bit of a"},{"startTime":340.1,"endTime":345.2,"body":"mess this evening. And just just"},{"startTime":340.1,"endTime":345.2,"body":"all of that stuff, I remember"},{"startTime":345.2,"endTime":348.83,"body":"going for a job interview. And"},{"startTime":345.2,"endTime":348.83,"body":"because my weight was always"},{"startTime":348.83,"endTime":351.26,"body":"going up and down, when I would"},{"startTime":348.83,"endTime":351.26,"body":"lose weight, I would buy"},{"startTime":351.26,"endTime":354.74,"body":"clothes. And then I would keep"},{"startTime":351.26,"endTime":354.74,"body":"on wearing till wearing them"},{"startTime":354.74,"endTime":358.01,"body":"basically until they broke. And"},{"startTime":354.74,"endTime":358.01,"body":"I remember going for a job"},{"startTime":358.01,"endTime":361.43,"body":"interview and stepping out of"},{"startTime":358.01,"endTime":361.43,"body":"the car and my backside just"},{"startTime":361.43,"endTime":367.58,"body":"going KKKKKKRRRRRPPPP and just"},{"startTime":361.43,"endTime":367.58,"body":"ripping a beautiful blue, blue"},{"startTime":367.58,"endTime":373.94,"body":"woollen suit that I had bought"},{"startTime":367.58,"endTime":373.94,"body":"from the shop that Quins, Quins"},{"startTime":373.94,"endTime":378.74,"body":"in Merrivale long time ago,"},{"startTime":373.94,"endTime":378.74,"body":"Quins in Merivale a beautiful"},{"startTime":378.74,"endTime":382.4,"body":"blue woollen suit and my mother"},{"startTime":378.74,"endTime":382.4,"body":"had changed the buttons to have"},{"startTime":382.4,"endTime":386.54,"body":"silver buttons. And I loved that"},{"startTime":382.4,"endTime":386.54,"body":"was a beautiful suit. And I felt"},{"startTime":386.54,"endTime":390.65,"body":"really good in it. And yeah, I"},{"startTime":386.54,"endTime":390.65,"body":"stepped out of the car and I"},{"startTime":390.68,"endTime":394.25,"body":"broke the backside and I had to"},{"startTime":390.68,"endTime":394.25,"body":"go into Farmers and buy the only"},{"startTime":394.25,"endTime":396.74,"body":"black trousers that could fit"},{"startTime":394.25,"endTime":396.74,"body":"me; was one pair of black"},{"startTime":396.74,"endTime":398.99,"body":"trousers that could fit me and"},{"startTime":396.74,"endTime":398.99,"body":"that was all that I could wear."},{"startTime":401.27,"endTime":405.83,"body":"And just just all of those, all"},{"startTime":401.27,"endTime":405.83,"body":"of those things that come with"},{"startTime":405.98,"endTime":411.89,"body":"being overweight, but also like,"},{"startTime":405.98,"endTime":411.89,"body":"not having, like, I just could"},{"startTime":411.89,"endTime":416.78,"body":"not do anything about it. You"},{"startTime":411.89,"endTime":416.78,"body":"know, like the diets, the"},{"startTime":416.78,"endTime":420.56,"body":"constant dieting and the"},{"startTime":416.78,"endTime":420.56,"body":"constantly losing weight, like I"},{"startTime":420.56,"endTime":425.0,"body":"just I couldn't do it anymore."},{"startTime":420.56,"endTime":425.0,"body":"And by the time I came to these"},{"startTime":425.0,"endTime":429.62,"body":"rooms to a 12 step fellowship"},{"startTime":425.0,"endTime":429.62,"body":"for food, you know, like I just"},{"startTime":429.65,"endTime":432.29,"body":"I didn't have another Monday in"},{"startTime":429.65,"endTime":432.29,"body":"me. That was another thing I"},{"startTime":432.29,"endTime":435.26,"body":"heard somebody say in a meeting,"},{"startTime":432.29,"endTime":435.26,"body":"she said, 'I don't have another,"},{"startTime":435.29,"endTime":438.98,"body":"I didn't have another Monday in"},{"startTime":435.29,"endTime":438.98,"body":"me.' And I could just relate to"},{"startTime":438.98,"endTime":442.28,"body":"that as well. Because Monday was"},{"startTime":438.98,"endTime":442.28,"body":"gonna be the day that I started."},{"startTime":442.61,"endTime":446.18,"body":"Monday I was it was everything"},{"startTime":442.61,"endTime":446.18,"body":"was going to change. This was"},{"startTime":446.18,"endTime":450.35,"body":"the diet that was going to do"},{"startTime":446.18,"endTime":450.35,"body":"it. And I just I didn't have it"},{"startTime":450.35,"endTime":458.69,"body":"me anymore. I had nothing. And"},{"startTime":450.35,"endTime":458.69,"body":"so that boyfriend became we were"},{"startTime":459.08,"endTime":464.45,"body":"were engaged to get married. And"},{"startTime":459.08,"endTime":464.45,"body":"the couple of weeks before I"},{"startTime":464.45,"endTime":468.71,"body":"came into this fellowship we"},{"startTime":464.45,"endTime":468.71,"body":"were planning our wedding, we"},{"startTime":468.71,"endTime":473.21,"body":"were getting married in a year's"},{"startTime":468.71,"endTime":473.21,"body":"time. And because I knew I"},{"startTime":473.21,"endTime":479.45,"body":"didn't have another diet in me,"},{"startTime":473.21,"endTime":479.45,"body":"I had decided that I wasn't"},{"startTime":479.45,"endTime":483.11,"body":"going to lose weight, I decided"},{"startTime":479.45,"endTime":483.11,"body":"that I would try to start eating"},{"startTime":483.11,"endTime":486.71,"body":"healthy. And for me that meant"},{"startTime":483.11,"endTime":486.71,"body":"that I was going to stop eating"},{"startTime":486.71,"endTime":490.58,"body":"chocolate. That was all I could"},{"startTime":486.71,"endTime":490.58,"body":"agree to give up was the"},{"startTime":490.58,"endTime":494.42,"body":"chocolate. At least that'll be a"},{"startTime":490.58,"endTime":494.42,"body":"start. I thought I'm not giving"},{"startTime":494.42,"endTime":496.37,"body":"up the ice creams, or the"},{"startTime":494.42,"endTime":496.37,"body":"lollies or anything else but"},{"startTime":496.37,"endTime":498.8,"body":"I'll give up the chocolate. So"},{"startTime":496.37,"endTime":498.8,"body":"that was my New Year's"},{"startTime":498.8,"endTime":502.04,"body":"resolution the year before I"},{"startTime":498.8,"endTime":502.04,"body":"came here. Or, you know, the"},{"startTime":502.04,"endTime":507.29,"body":"weeks in the weeks before I came"},{"startTime":502.04,"endTime":507.29,"body":"here. And that night was a"},{"startTime":507.5,"endTime":512.9,"body":"terrible New Year's and I was"},{"startTime":507.5,"endTime":512.9,"body":"pacing myself because for me I'm"},{"startTime":512.9,"endTime":517.34,"body":"addicted to food and to other"},{"startTime":512.9,"endTime":517.34,"body":"substances. And same for me with"},{"startTime":517.34,"endTime":521.75,"body":"alcohol once I start I can't"},{"startTime":517.34,"endTime":521.75,"body":"stop. I had the food though, but"},{"startTime":521.78,"endTime":525.17,"body":"but I was pacing myself because"},{"startTime":521.78,"endTime":525.17,"body":"there were so many New Year's"},{"startTime":525.17,"endTime":528.95,"body":"that I never got to see because"},{"startTime":525.17,"endTime":528.95,"body":"I started drinking too early. So"},{"startTime":528.95,"endTime":531.68,"body":"I had decided that particular"},{"startTime":528.95,"endTime":531.68,"body":"night that I wasn't going to"},{"startTime":531.68,"endTime":534.74,"body":"start drinking until 11 o'clock"},{"startTime":531.68,"endTime":534.74,"body":"at night because maybe that way"},{"startTime":534.74,"endTime":539.12,"body":"I'd have a hope of seeing"},{"startTime":534.74,"endTime":539.12,"body":"midnight. That was the plan. But"},{"startTime":539.12,"endTime":543.32,"body":"before that, there ended up"},{"startTime":539.12,"endTime":543.32,"body":"being some family dramas and I"},{"startTime":543.32,"endTime":546.47,"body":"had to go pick somebody up and"},{"startTime":543.32,"endTime":546.47,"body":"it was all then they had to go"},{"startTime":546.47,"endTime":549.77,"body":"to hospital and bla bla bla and"},{"startTime":546.47,"endTime":549.77,"body":"we said Happy New Year's to the"},{"startTime":549.98,"endTime":557.63,"body":"to the ambulance drivers - Drama"},{"startTime":549.98,"endTime":557.63,"body":"Galore - and I went past I drove"},{"startTime":557.63,"endTime":562.46,"body":"on our way back from the"},{"startTime":557.63,"endTime":562.46,"body":"hospital. I drove past a service"},{"startTime":562.46,"endTime":566.51,"body":"station was on the corner of"},{"startTime":562.46,"endTime":566.51,"body":"Lynwood and Gloucester Street or"},{"startTime":566.78,"endTime":568.73,"body":"Worchester Street or somewhere"},{"startTime":566.78,"endTime":568.73,"body":"there and there was a big big"},{"startTime":568.73,"endTime":573.05,"body":"sign that said 3 chocolate bars"},{"startTime":568.73,"endTime":573.05,"body":"for $2 which tells you how many"},{"startTime":573.38,"endTime":579.38,"body":"decades ago that was. And I"},{"startTime":573.38,"endTime":579.38,"body":"stopped because I couldn't not"},{"startTime":579.38,"endTime":583.58,"body":"stop and I bought my 3 chocolate"},{"startTime":579.38,"endTime":583.58,"body":"bars for $2. And in my head in"},{"startTime":583.58,"endTime":586.97,"body":"my mind, my New Year's"},{"startTime":583.58,"endTime":586.97,"body":"resolution hadn't started yet"},{"startTime":586.97,"endTime":590.57,"body":"because I hadn't gone to sleep."},{"startTime":586.97,"endTime":590.57,"body":"It was past midnight. But that"},{"startTime":590.57,"endTime":594.62,"body":"was the thing about my eating is"},{"startTime":590.57,"endTime":594.62,"body":"I could always justify my eating"},{"startTime":594.68,"endTime":601.52,"body":"always. And so I walked in to my"},{"startTime":594.68,"endTime":601.52,"body":"first meeting, I talked to this"},{"startTime":601.52,"endTime":606.62,"body":"first woman that, you know, that"},{"startTime":601.52,"endTime":606.62,"body":"was free of that obsession. And"},{"startTime":606.62,"endTime":610.13,"body":"she talked to me about the"},{"startTime":606.62,"endTime":610.13,"body":"disease of addiction. She said"},{"startTime":610.13,"endTime":613.22,"body":"that I was bodily and mentally"},{"startTime":610.13,"endTime":613.22,"body":"different from my fellows."},{"startTime":614.95,"endTime":618.37,"body":"And she said she'd she gave me"},{"startTime":614.95,"endTime":618.37,"body":"the solution. She talked about"},{"startTime":618.37,"endTime":624.4,"body":"those 12 steps. She talked about"},{"startTime":618.37,"endTime":624.4,"body":"how to give up the food, just"},{"startTime":624.4,"endTime":628.57,"body":"like an alcoholic gives up"},{"startTime":624.4,"endTime":628.57,"body":"alcohol. She gave me a way, she"},{"startTime":628.63,"endTime":632.35,"body":"said what she did to give up the"},{"startTime":628.63,"endTime":632.35,"body":"food and to make it as clear for"},{"startTime":632.35,"endTime":639.67,"body":"her as it was for alcoholics."},{"startTime":632.35,"endTime":639.67,"body":"And, and I was just blown away,"},{"startTime":639.73,"endTime":644.17,"body":"actually blown away. Because I"},{"startTime":639.73,"endTime":644.17,"body":"was blown away, because I"},{"startTime":644.17,"endTime":648.07,"body":"thought I might lose some"},{"startTime":644.17,"endTime":648.07,"body":"weight. Wasn't actually blown"},{"startTime":648.07,"endTime":650.14,"body":"away, because I thought there"},{"startTime":648.07,"endTime":650.14,"body":"was a solution. And I might be"},{"startTime":650.14,"endTime":653.53,"body":"able to live free of that"},{"startTime":650.14,"endTime":653.53,"body":"obsession. I was just like, 'oh"},{"startTime":653.53,"endTime":659.11,"body":"woohoooh, maybe I can lose some"},{"startTime":653.53,"endTime":659.11,"body":"weight!' And so I just started"},{"startTime":659.65,"endTime":662.77,"body":"doing what she was doing. I was"},{"startTime":659.65,"endTime":662.77,"body":"started going to lots of"},{"startTime":662.77,"endTime":666.97,"body":"meetings. We were this was up in"},{"startTime":662.77,"endTime":666.97,"body":"Auckland. So there were lots of"},{"startTime":666.97,"endTime":672.28,"body":"people to carry the message to"},{"startTime":666.97,"endTime":672.28,"body":"and do 12 Step calls. And I just"},{"startTime":672.31,"endTime":678.73,"body":"went along with this other, this"},{"startTime":672.31,"endTime":678.73,"body":"other young woman. And I"},{"startTime":678.73,"endTime":682.69,"body":"remember a week after I'd been"},{"startTime":678.73,"endTime":682.69,"body":"into the fellowship, there was"},{"startTime":682.69,"endTime":688.06,"body":"another new person at the"},{"startTime":682.69,"endTime":688.06,"body":"meeting. And afterwards, just"},{"startTime":688.06,"endTime":691.57,"body":"like she'd done with me, we went"},{"startTime":688.06,"endTime":691.57,"body":"and talked to her, she, she, you"},{"startTime":691.57,"endTime":696.13,"body":"know, this person was talking to"},{"startTime":691.57,"endTime":696.13,"body":"this new person. And I just sat"},{"startTime":696.13,"endTime":700.0,"body":"there and listened. And even a"},{"startTime":696.13,"endTime":700.0,"body":"week later, I know that I heard"},{"startTime":700.0,"endTime":703.48,"body":"more, the second week when we"},{"startTime":700.0,"endTime":703.48,"body":"were when she was talking to"},{"startTime":703.48,"endTime":707.68,"body":"this other newcomer. And I just"},{"startTime":703.48,"endTime":707.68,"body":"remember this newcomer turning"},{"startTime":707.68,"endTime":712.06,"body":"to me, and she said, 'How do you"},{"startTime":707.68,"endTime":712.06,"body":"know that this is the right"},{"startTime":712.3,"endTime":716.05,"body":"thing to do?' Or something to"},{"startTime":712.3,"endTime":716.05,"body":"that effect, she wasn't asking"},{"startTime":716.05,"endTime":719.62,"body":"this person who was well, she"},{"startTime":716.05,"endTime":719.62,"body":"was asking me after one week."},{"startTime":720.1,"endTime":725.47,"body":"And what came out of my mouth"},{"startTime":720.1,"endTime":725.47,"body":"was, 'I don't know. But I have"},{"startTime":725.47,"endTime":730.39,"body":"to, I have to, I have to... do,"},{"startTime":725.47,"endTime":730.39,"body":"think I even said the word"},{"startTime":730.39,"endTime":734.53,"body":"TRUST, like I have to trust that"},{"startTime":730.39,"endTime":734.53,"body":"that's that it's the right"},{"startTime":734.53,"endTime":738.88,"body":"thing.' Now, I don't think those"},{"startTime":734.53,"endTime":738.88,"body":"were my words. And I think at"},{"startTime":738.88,"endTime":741.64,"body":"that point, because I don't"},{"startTime":738.88,"endTime":741.64,"body":"think I would have actually"},{"startTime":741.64,"endTime":747.55,"body":"consciously thought that but,"},{"startTime":741.64,"endTime":747.55,"body":"you know, I think that what I've"},{"startTime":747.55,"endTime":755.44,"body":"learned here is I, I show up,"},{"startTime":747.55,"endTime":755.44,"body":"and I try and practice those"},{"startTime":755.44,"endTime":759.16,"body":"steps to the best of my ability,"},{"startTime":755.44,"endTime":759.16,"body":"which includes surrendering,"},{"startTime":759.19,"endTime":765.1,"body":"it's a spiritual program. It's a"},{"startTime":759.19,"endTime":765.1,"body":"spiritual program. And I hope"},{"startTime":765.13,"endTime":770.56,"body":"that by being sober, you know,"},{"startTime":765.13,"endTime":770.56,"body":"by not picking up the first one"},{"startTime":770.56,"endTime":774.04,"body":"by going to these meetings and"},{"startTime":770.56,"endTime":774.04,"body":"working these steps, that I have"},{"startTime":774.04,"endTime":777.7,"body":"a chance to be useful to others"},{"startTime":774.04,"endTime":777.7,"body":"that I have a chance to say"},{"startTime":777.7,"endTime":784.39,"body":"something or, you know, by my"},{"startTime":777.7,"endTime":784.39,"body":"actions be an example of the"},{"startTime":784.39,"endTime":787.93,"body":"power of this fellowship and the"},{"startTime":784.39,"endTime":787.93,"body":"power of a higher power, you"},{"startTime":787.93,"endTime":791.5,"body":"know my higher power working and"},{"startTime":787.93,"endTime":791.5,"body":"doing for me what I cannot do"},{"startTime":791.5,"endTime":799.99,"body":"for myself. It's taken it took a"},{"startTime":791.5,"endTime":799.99,"body":"long time for me to really get"},{"startTime":799.99,"endTime":803.08,"body":"to that point of it just not"},{"startTime":799.99,"endTime":803.08,"body":"being about the weight, but"},{"startTime":803.08,"endTime":809.32,"body":"about being my whole life. And"},{"startTime":803.08,"endTime":809.32,"body":"realizing that, really, really"},{"startTime":809.32,"endTime":812.14,"body":"getting to that point of"},{"startTime":809.32,"endTime":812.14,"body":"understanding that my life is"},{"startTime":812.14,"endTime":819.67,"body":"unmanageable by me. But again,"},{"startTime":812.14,"endTime":819.67,"body":"very grateful. And really, all"},{"startTime":819.67,"endTime":826.15,"body":"I've done is just keep coming"},{"startTime":819.67,"endTime":826.15,"body":"back to these meetings. I. Yeah,"},{"startTime":826.69,"endTime":831.64,"body":"I'm very grateful that there is"},{"startTime":826.69,"endTime":831.64,"body":"a solution. I love our preamble"},{"startTime":831.64,"endTime":835.15,"body":"where it says we get to live"},{"startTime":831.64,"endTime":835.15,"body":"meaningful and productive lives."},{"startTime":835.6,"endTime":843.22,"body":"Because, you know, I like to"},{"startTime":835.6,"endTime":843.22,"body":"think that I, I like to think I,"},{"startTime":843.25,"endTime":850.18,"body":"no, I know, I don't no, I don't"},{"startTime":843.25,"endTime":850.18,"body":"think I know, that I give more"},{"startTime":850.18,"endTime":857.05,"body":"than I take. I hope anyway, I"},{"startTime":850.18,"endTime":857.05,"body":"hope that that is the case that"},{"startTime":857.05,"endTime":863.62,"body":"I give more than I take, because"},{"startTime":857.05,"endTime":863.62,"body":"I get given so much. My life is"},{"startTime":864.1,"endTime":870.31,"body":"so blessed and so full. But I"},{"startTime":864.1,"endTime":870.31,"body":"hope that I can give back even"},{"startTime":870.31,"endTime":877.84,"body":"in just a small measure. And"},{"startTime":870.31,"endTime":877.84,"body":"maybe not make things better."},{"startTime":877.87,"endTime":882.52,"body":"Although I hope I make things"},{"startTime":877.87,"endTime":882.52,"body":"better. At least not make it"},{"startTime":882.52,"endTime":888.4,"body":"worse. I just know that the"},{"startTime":882.52,"endTime":888.4,"body":"balance would be I would just be"},{"startTime":888.4,"endTime":892.39,"body":"making life miserable for so"},{"startTime":888.4,"endTime":892.39,"body":"many people if it wasn't for"},{"startTime":892.39,"endTime":898.6,"body":"this way of life. So I might"},{"startTime":892.39,"endTime":898.6,"body":"leave it at that. And thank you"},{"startTime":898.6,"endTime":901.72,"body":"very much for asking me this to"},{"startTime":898.6,"endTime":901.72,"body":"share. Thank you."}]}