{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.75,"body":"Hello, this speaker has been"},{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.75,"body":"recorded at a meeting of"},{"startTime":3.75,"endTime":8.13,"body":"Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For"},{"startTime":3.75,"endTime":8.13,"body":"more information, visit our"},{"startTime":8.13,"endTime":12.81,"body":"website www.aeainfo.org"},{"startTime":15.45,"endTime":19.44,"body":"My name is Trine, I'm an"},{"startTime":15.45,"endTime":19.44,"body":"addictive eater. And I'm happy"},{"startTime":19.44,"endTime":20.79,"body":"to be here still"},{"startTime":21.81,"endTime":26.82,"body":"still happy to be here. And then"},{"startTime":21.81,"endTime":26.82,"body":"thanks for asking me to share."},{"startTime":27.42,"endTime":33.6,"body":"And when I get asked, the mind"},{"startTime":27.42,"endTime":33.6,"body":"wants to prepare and figure it"},{"startTime":33.6,"endTime":36.51,"body":"out and what to read and..."},{"startTime":38.07,"endTime":43.23,"body":"And that's fine. What I've"},{"startTime":38.07,"endTime":43.23,"body":"learned here is all I can do is"},{"startTime":43.23,"endTime":47.64,"body":"share my experience. That's all"},{"startTime":43.23,"endTime":47.64,"body":"I have. And that's all I can do."},{"startTime":48.06,"endTime":52.53,"body":"And then, and that's enough,"},{"startTime":48.06,"endTime":52.53,"body":"like it was shown to me when I"},{"startTime":52.98,"endTime":59.13,"body":"got into AEA others shared their"},{"startTime":52.98,"endTime":59.13,"body":"experience. And I could relate."},{"startTime":59.88,"endTime":63.72,"body":"I didn't want to relate, but I"},{"startTime":59.88,"endTime":63.72,"body":"could relate. I didn't want to"},{"startTime":63.72,"endTime":68.91,"body":"hear what I was told. But I"},{"startTime":63.72,"endTime":68.91,"body":"listened. I didn't feel"},{"startTime":68.91,"endTime":73.68,"body":"desperate. But I was.  The"},{"startTime":68.91,"endTime":73.68,"body":"food... it was years... It was"},{"startTime":73.92,"endTime":78.42,"body":"as as long as I can remember,"},{"startTime":73.92,"endTime":78.42,"body":"I've been doing things with"},{"startTime":78.42,"endTime":78.93,"body":"food."},{"startTime":80.07,"endTime":85.86,"body":"Not eating, eating, eating too"},{"startTime":80.07,"endTime":85.86,"body":"much. For sure eating in secret."},{"startTime":87.54,"endTime":92.1,"body":"Eating different things when"},{"startTime":87.54,"endTime":92.1,"body":"people were watching. Yeah, it's"},{"startTime":92.1,"endTime":94.98,"body":"just hard work, really hard"},{"startTime":92.1,"endTime":94.98,"body":"work..."},{"startTime":104.22,"endTime":107.28,"body":"And I thought ah yesterday I"},{"startTime":104.22,"endTime":107.28,"body":"thought it was getting easier to"},{"startTime":107.28,"endTime":112.62,"body":"go to work. Because before going"},{"startTime":107.28,"endTime":112.62,"body":"to work, it was kind of the show"},{"startTime":112.62,"endTime":116.79,"body":"I had to put on or this going"},{"startTime":112.62,"endTime":116.79,"body":"out. It was the show I had to"},{"startTime":116.79,"endTime":122.1,"body":"put on that showed how good"},{"startTime":116.79,"endTime":122.1,"body":"everything was going. Everything"},{"startTime":122.1,"endTime":125.7,"body":"was always fine. If you asked"},{"startTime":122.1,"endTime":125.7,"body":"me, How are you? I was"},{"startTime":127.16,"endTime":132.68,"body":"on over the top! Happy! And I"},{"startTime":127.16,"endTime":132.68,"body":"yeah, and it didn't match the"},{"startTime":132.68,"endTime":136.61,"body":"picture of what just happened"},{"startTime":132.68,"endTime":136.61,"body":"before or how I was acting"},{"startTime":136.61,"endTime":137.15,"body":"around"},{"startTime":138.32,"endTime":144.41,"body":"here in the house. But for sure"},{"startTime":138.32,"endTime":144.41,"body":"I would really make an effort in"},{"startTime":144.41,"endTime":149.48,"body":"new relationships to put the"},{"startTime":144.41,"endTime":149.48,"body":"show on. I don't feel like it's"},{"startTime":149.51,"endTime":155.87,"body":"like that today. And I'm I have"},{"startTime":149.51,"endTime":155.87,"body":"a lot of energy, I have a lot of"},{"startTime":155.87,"endTime":160.43,"body":"energy, a lot of ideas, a lot of"},{"startTime":155.87,"endTime":160.43,"body":"addiction is"},{"startTime":166.34,"endTime":172.01,"body":"in AEA here in Denmark, she"},{"startTime":166.34,"endTime":172.01,"body":"said, it's not because we lack"},{"startTime":172.76,"endTime":177.71,"body":"things to do, or we're not"},{"startTime":172.76,"endTime":177.71,"body":"clever or intelligent. It's"},{"startTime":177.83,"endTime":181.7,"body":"sometimes it's almost like"},{"startTime":177.83,"endTime":181.7,"body":"there's just too much of it. And"},{"startTime":181.7,"endTime":186.17,"body":"I could really relate this,"},{"startTime":181.7,"endTime":186.17,"body":"there is too much going on with"},{"startTime":186.17,"endTime":189.41,"body":"me - too big for myself - and"},{"startTime":186.17,"endTime":189.41,"body":"all the thinking is too much for"},{"startTime":189.41,"endTime":195.74,"body":"myself. And ever since I was a"},{"startTime":189.41,"endTime":195.74,"body":"child at the same time, I would"},{"startTime":195.86,"endTime":199.37,"body":"move into this fantasy world and"},{"startTime":195.86,"endTime":199.37,"body":"live there a lot of the time"},{"startTime":199.0,"endTime":206.05,"body":"in my imagination and not really"},{"startTime":199.0,"endTime":206.05,"body":"being present. And I remember a"},{"startTime":206.05,"endTime":210.37,"body":"psychiatrist said to me once"},{"startTime":206.05,"endTime":210.37,"body":"it's like you're not living,"},{"startTime":210.55,"endTime":215.32,"body":"it's like you have this video"},{"startTime":210.55,"endTime":215.32,"body":"camera up. And you are just"},{"startTime":215.35,"endTime":219.04,"body":"observing what's going on around"},{"startTime":215.35,"endTime":219.04,"body":"you. It's not like you're"},{"startTime":219.13,"endTime":222.79,"body":"present. And I could really"},{"startTime":219.13,"endTime":222.79,"body":"relate to that. Because that, of"},{"startTime":222.79,"endTime":228.34,"body":"course, I it helped to be in the"},{"startTime":222.79,"endTime":228.34,"body":"food to drink to do what I did."},{"startTime":228.76,"endTime":233.71,"body":"It helped to just be a way to"},{"startTime":228.76,"endTime":233.71,"body":"have a distance to what was"},{"startTime":233.71,"endTime":239.02,"body":"going on. And my story is that I"},{"startTime":233.71,"endTime":239.02,"body":"stopped drinking. And then I had"},{"startTime":239.02,"endTime":243.16,"body":"a small problem with food,"},{"startTime":239.02,"endTime":243.16,"body":"nothing to talk about just a"},{"startTime":243.16,"endTime":248.05,"body":"small thing. And it just turned"},{"startTime":243.16,"endTime":248.05,"body":"out that the woman who was"},{"startTime":248.05,"endTime":252.76,"body":"sponsoring me from AA, she said,"},{"startTime":248.05,"endTime":252.76,"body":"you have a huge problem with"},{"startTime":252.76,"endTime":256.03,"body":"food and I cannot help you. You"},{"startTime":252.76,"endTime":256.03,"body":"have to search for help other"},{"startTime":256.48,"endTime":260.44,"body":"somewhere else. I don't know"},{"startTime":256.48,"endTime":260.44,"body":"what's going on. She was an"},{"startTime":260.44,"endTime":263.62,"body":"alcoholic. She said I don't know"},{"startTime":260.44,"endTime":263.62,"body":"what's going on with you, Trine,"},{"startTime":263.92,"endTime":269.62,"body":"but it's simply not nice being"},{"startTime":263.92,"endTime":269.62,"body":"around you and food. I don't"},{"startTime":269.62,"endTime":274.18,"body":"know what it is. Something is"},{"startTime":269.62,"endTime":274.18,"body":"wrong. And that day, I had"},{"startTime":274.18,"endTime":278.71,"body":"really pulled myself together."},{"startTime":274.18,"endTime":278.71,"body":"I'd been in a cafe. I looked"},{"startTime":278.74,"endTime":286.42,"body":"sharp, right clothes. I did"},{"startTime":278.74,"endTime":286.42,"body":"conversation. I was funny. And"},{"startTime":286.42,"endTime":291.16,"body":"then she said to me, it's not"},{"startTime":286.42,"endTime":291.16,"body":"nice to be around you and I made"},{"startTime":291.16,"endTime":296.71,"body":"such an effort to be whatever"},{"startTime":291.16,"endTime":296.71,"body":"you want me to be. And I didn't"},{"startTime":296.71,"endTime":299.2,"body":"know where to turn and then"},{"startTime":299.0,"endTime":305.84,"body":"yeah, yeah, I've met someone who"},{"startTime":299.0,"endTime":305.84,"body":"had heard about AEA. And"},{"startTime":306.86,"endTime":311.12,"body":"I, I heard about AEA. And then"},{"startTime":306.86,"endTime":311.12,"body":"immediately I said, Give me a"},{"startTime":311.12,"endTime":316.04,"body":"sponsor. I just want to go ahead"},{"startTime":311.12,"endTime":316.04,"body":"and I was told, yeah, might be"},{"startTime":316.04,"endTime":320.93,"body":"for you might not, ring, phone."},{"startTime":316.04,"endTime":320.93,"body":"Let's see, let's see."},{"startTime":322.04,"endTime":326.39,"body":"And then I started listening"},{"startTime":322.04,"endTime":326.39,"body":"what people were doing here. And"},{"startTime":326.66,"endTime":331.82,"body":"the definition of sobriety - all"},{"startTime":326.66,"endTime":331.82,"body":"mind altering substances. And I"},{"startTime":331.82,"endTime":337.64,"body":"must admit, I didn't drink but"},{"startTime":331.82,"endTime":337.64,"body":"oh, I love the painkiller. And I"},{"startTime":337.73,"endTime":343.28,"body":"and I had so many things and"},{"startTime":337.73,"endTime":343.28,"body":"flirts and men, there were so"},{"startTime":343.28,"endTime":349.19,"body":"many things I could do, because"},{"startTime":343.28,"endTime":349.19,"body":"I was living in such a form of"},{"startTime":349.22,"endTime":353.9,"body":"reward. When Trine had done some"},{"startTime":349.22,"endTime":353.9,"body":"silly things, she had all that"},{"startTime":353.9,"endTime":358.73,"body":"good, you need a reward, oh, you"},{"startTime":353.9,"endTime":358.73,"body":"know, you've done that. So you"},{"startTime":358.73,"endTime":364.67,"body":"should be rewarded and brag"},{"startTime":358.73,"endTime":364.67,"body":"about it. But I got, I got so"},{"startTime":364.67,"endTime":370.4,"body":"much help from AEA, and at a"},{"startTime":364.67,"endTime":370.4,"body":"certain time, I just knew I"},{"startTime":370.4,"endTime":375.32,"body":"couldn't be, I couldn't trust my"},{"startTime":370.4,"endTime":375.32,"body":"thinking. And I, I needed to do"},{"startTime":375.32,"endTime":382.19,"body":"this. I needed to do this. And I"},{"startTime":375.32,"endTime":382.19,"body":"must admit, I got so occupied,"},{"startTime":382.64,"endTime":387.92,"body":"living the lifestyle, just"},{"startTime":382.64,"endTime":387.92,"body":"following the suggestions that a"},{"startTime":387.92,"endTime":392.84,"body":"lot of my, the problems that"},{"startTime":387.92,"endTime":392.84,"body":"always occurred, they sort of"},{"startTime":393.35,"endTime":396.53,"body":"all... aw, I don't know what"},{"startTime":393.35,"endTime":396.53,"body":"happened because I just got busy"},{"startTime":396.71,"endTime":400.28,"body":"living life. Instead of all"},{"startTime":396.71,"endTime":400.28,"body":"this, now I've done this - so I"},{"startTime":400.28,"endTime":403.52,"body":"need to be rewarded, I need to"},{"startTime":400.28,"endTime":403.52,"body":"sleep, I need to relax, I need"},{"startTime":403.52,"endTime":409.25,"body":"to. And I just started getting"},{"startTime":403.52,"endTime":409.25,"body":"out going to work, going to the"},{"startTime":409.25,"endTime":414.38,"body":"meeting, taking care of my"},{"startTime":409.25,"endTime":414.38,"body":"family. And I was like, I told"},{"startTime":414.0,"endTime":419.017,"body":"the sponsor I had at that time I"},{"startTime":414.0,"endTime":419.017,"body":"said to her, I've cooked for my"},{"startTime":419.095,"endTime":423.877,"body":"husband and child. And I was"},{"startTime":419.095,"endTime":423.877,"body":"like, Whoa! And she said, that's"},{"startTime":423.956,"endTime":428.895,"body":"a very normal thing to do Trine."},{"startTime":423.956,"endTime":428.895,"body":"But I thought, oh, look at me."},{"startTime":428.973,"endTime":433.834,"body":"I've been here some years. And"},{"startTime":428.973,"endTime":433.834,"body":"my husband, I liked this story,"},{"startTime":433.912,"endTime":438.694,"body":"because he said one day, it's"},{"startTime":433.912,"endTime":438.694,"body":"amazing how tidy it is. Because"},{"startTime":438.773,"endTime":443.633,"body":"before I couldn't manage to tidy"},{"startTime":438.773,"endTime":443.633,"body":"up after myself. So you could"},{"startTime":443.712,"endTime":448.572,"body":"see wherever I've been in the"},{"startTime":443.712,"endTime":448.572,"body":"house, because I would have just"},{"startTime":448.651,"endTime":453.59,"body":"leave things all over. And all"},{"startTime":448.651,"endTime":453.59,"body":"of a sudden, because of this way"},{"startTime":453.668,"endTime":458.685,"body":"of life, I started to just to my"},{"startTime":453.668,"endTime":458.685,"body":"own self be true and be self. I"},{"startTime":458.764,"endTime":463.468,"body":"don't know the word for it. But"},{"startTime":458.764,"endTime":463.468,"body":"you know, it just made sense"},{"startTime":463.546,"endTime":468.485,"body":"that if I had put something all"},{"startTime":463.546,"endTime":468.485,"body":"over the table that I tidied up"},{"startTime":468.563,"endTime":473.581,"body":"and finished my things and and I"},{"startTime":468.563,"endTime":473.581,"body":"learned that in a very grown up"},{"startTime":473.659,"endTime":477.971,"body":"age, I find that a bit"},{"startTime":473.659,"endTime":477.971,"body":"embarrassing, but I haven't done"},{"startTime":478.049,"endTime":483.067,"body":"that before. My old AA sponsor,"},{"startTime":478.049,"endTime":483.067,"body":"she said, Trine, you live a life"},{"startTime":483.145,"endTime":488.084,"body":"like you're always searching for"},{"startTime":483.145,"endTime":488.084,"body":"a party, just sitting waiting,"},{"startTime":488.163,"endTime":493.023,"body":"what's going to happen? And it's"},{"startTime":488.163,"endTime":493.023,"body":"not like that today. Today, I"},{"startTime":493.101,"endTime":497.884,"body":"really enjoy my everyday life."},{"startTime":493.101,"endTime":497.884,"body":"Never done that before, never!"},{"startTime":497.962,"endTime":502.823,"body":"Always looked for a holiday or"},{"startTime":497.962,"endTime":502.823,"body":"when can I live life? When am I"},{"startTime":502.901,"endTime":507.762,"body":"going to? And today? I just know"},{"startTime":502.901,"endTime":507.762,"body":"it's not. It's in my everyday"},{"startTime":507.84,"endTime":512.936,"body":"life. I do really enjoy my life."},{"startTime":507.84,"endTime":512.936,"body":"And and also, I mean, friendship"},{"startTime":513.014,"endTime":517.561,"body":"has changed. In the time I've"},{"startTime":513.014,"endTime":517.561,"body":"been here I was always very,"},{"startTime":517.64,"endTime":522.657,"body":"very eager to be with people and"},{"startTime":517.64,"endTime":522.657,"body":"what can I do? And if they have"},{"startTime":522.735,"endTime":527.596,"body":"other friends I had a problem"},{"startTime":522.735,"endTime":527.596,"body":"with that because I could oh, it"},{"startTime":527.674,"endTime":532.378,"body":"was like we are exclusive here"},{"startTime":527.674,"endTime":532.378,"body":"in this friendship. And I saw"},{"startTime":531.78,"endTime":542.28,"body":"And saw that we all need each"},{"startTime":531.78,"endTime":542.28,"body":"other and it's it's good that"},{"startTime":532.456,"endTime":536.22,"body":"some of all that that nonsense"},{"startTime":532.456,"endTime":536.22,"body":"in my fifth step."},{"startTime":542.28,"endTime":544.2,"body":"there are more people and"},{"startTime":545.28,"endTime":550.44,"body":"and friendships are, a different"},{"startTime":545.28,"endTime":550.44,"body":"thing than what I thought that,"},{"startTime":550.44,"endTime":553.65,"body":"relationship is a different"},{"startTime":550.44,"endTime":553.65,"body":"thing. Marriage is a different"},{"startTime":553.65,"endTime":555.42,"body":"thing than what I thought."},{"startTime":556.44,"endTime":562.41,"body":"And I'm just so yeah, so really"},{"startTime":556.44,"endTime":562.41,"body":"happy because I took the"},{"startTime":562.41,"endTime":567.75,"body":"suggestion that I shared my life"},{"startTime":562.41,"endTime":567.75,"body":"with sponsor and sober members"},{"startTime":567.75,"endTime":573.27,"body":"and grew up and today I'm not"},{"startTime":567.75,"endTime":573.27,"body":"the one who can say that things"},{"startTime":573.27,"endTime":578.22,"body":"change but I feel a different"},{"startTime":573.27,"endTime":578.22,"body":"way when I'm with colleagues and"},{"startTime":578.22,"endTime":582.66,"body":"when I am with family. I have a"},{"startTime":578.22,"endTime":582.66,"body":"relationship today with my"},{"startTime":582.66,"endTime":589.53,"body":"father with my mom. And they're"},{"startTime":582.66,"endTime":589.53,"body":"not panicking. How was Trine? As"},{"startTime":589.53,"endTime":594.48,"body":"I told someone from the"},{"startTime":589.53,"endTime":594.48,"body":"fellowship before when I call if"},{"startTime":594.48,"endTime":598.86,"body":"I called my mom she would just"},{"startTime":594.48,"endTime":598.86,"body":"throw everything away and run to"},{"startTime":598.86,"endTime":599.97,"body":"the phone and"},{"startTime":599.0,"endTime":604.55,"body":"for some years she said, Now,"},{"startTime":599.0,"endTime":604.55,"body":"it's not a good time and let's"},{"startTime":604.55,"endTime":610.88,"body":"talk on another occasion, she"},{"startTime":604.55,"endTime":610.88,"body":"trust that I'm okay. She's not"},{"startTime":610.91,"endTime":614.51,"body":"afraid that I'll keep trying to"},{"startTime":610.91,"endTime":614.51,"body":"kill myself or I can't manage"},{"startTime":614.54,"endTime":618.17,"body":"because that was one of the"},{"startTime":614.54,"endTime":618.17,"body":"things I did I, when I couldn't"},{"startTime":618.17,"endTime":621.71,"body":"take responsibility, I would"},{"startTime":618.17,"endTime":621.71,"body":"blame others. I would blame"},{"startTime":622.31,"endTime":626.54,"body":"whoever, and especially my mom"},{"startTime":622.31,"endTime":626.54,"body":"or my husband, though, they were"},{"startTime":626.54,"endTime":630.35,"body":"in it was their responsibility,"},{"startTime":626.54,"endTime":630.35,"body":"how I felt and I know today it"},{"startTime":630.35,"endTime":634.49,"body":"is my responsibility. And it's"},{"startTime":630.35,"endTime":634.49,"body":"just so good. No matter what"},{"startTime":634.7,"endTime":640.52,"body":"happens, that I've been taught"},{"startTime":634.7,"endTime":640.52,"body":"to pause, to breathe, to pray"},{"startTime":640.52,"endTime":647.48,"body":"to, to just stop, just stop. And"},{"startTime":640.52,"endTime":647.48,"body":"then in AEA, all of a sudden, I"},{"startTime":647.48,"endTime":650.96,"body":"mean, for years, I heard the"},{"startTime":647.48,"endTime":650.96,"body":"slogans in AEA and they didn't"},{"startTime":650.96,"endTime":656.9,"body":"make sense to me. And then here"},{"startTime":650.96,"endTime":656.9,"body":"because of sobriety and because"},{"startTime":657.05,"endTime":661.64,"body":"I it all of a sudden makes such"},{"startTime":657.05,"endTime":661.64,"body":"good sense. I was... the AEA"},{"startTime":661.64,"endTime":666.65,"body":"slogans and everything, this way"},{"startTime":661.64,"endTime":666.65,"body":"of life. That was just what was"},{"startTime":666.65,"endTime":671.12,"body":"on the heart. That's me now."},{"startTime":666.65,"endTime":671.12,"body":"Thank you."}]}