{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.72,"body":"Hello, this speaker has been"},{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.72,"body":"recorded at a meeting of"},{"startTime":3.72,"endTime":8.1,"body":"Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For"},{"startTime":3.72,"endTime":8.1,"body":"more information, visit our"},{"startTime":8.1,"endTime":12.78,"body":"website www.aeainfo.org"},{"startTime":12.0,"endTime":18.72,"body":"My name is Robin, and I am an"},{"startTime":12.0,"endTime":18.72,"body":"addictive eater. This is God's"},{"startTime":18.72,"endTime":23.37,"body":"show not mine. I wanted to just"},{"startTime":18.72,"endTime":23.37,"body":"start with what it was like,"},{"startTime":23.7,"endTime":28.95,"body":"which was pretty miserable. But"},{"startTime":23.7,"endTime":28.95,"body":"I didn't know it was miserable."},{"startTime":29.01,"endTime":34.68,"body":"I thought that I was trying to"},{"startTime":29.01,"endTime":34.68,"body":"live my best life and trying to"},{"startTime":34.68,"endTime":39.69,"body":"control everything that went on"},{"startTime":34.68,"endTime":39.69,"body":"in my life. I was eating. But"},{"startTime":39.78,"endTime":44.55,"body":"when I came back, it actually"},{"startTime":39.78,"endTime":44.55,"body":"wasn't the food that was the"},{"startTime":44.55,"endTime":49.5,"body":"thing that was most hurt hurting"},{"startTime":44.55,"endTime":49.5,"body":"me it was the fact that my life"},{"startTime":49.5,"endTime":54.75,"body":"was a mess. As you all know, I"},{"startTime":49.5,"endTime":54.75,"body":"came back to Christchurch and I"},{"startTime":54.75,"endTime":57.33,"body":"knew driving back to"},{"startTime":54.75,"endTime":57.33,"body":"Christchurch that I needed to"},{"startTime":57.33,"endTime":62.34,"body":"come back here. And so it took"},{"startTime":57.33,"endTime":62.34,"body":"me a few months to get to the"},{"startTime":62.34,"endTime":68.46,"body":"point where I was here, I knew"},{"startTime":62.34,"endTime":68.46,"body":"that I wanted to just do what I"},{"startTime":68.46,"endTime":73.23,"body":"was told, I needed to do"},{"startTime":68.46,"endTime":73.23,"body":"something different than what I"},{"startTime":73.23,"endTime":78.66,"body":"had before. But actually, it"},{"startTime":73.23,"endTime":78.66,"body":"wasn't the doing, or the or, or"},{"startTime":78.66,"endTime":83.34,"body":"me thinking about what I needed"},{"startTime":78.66,"endTime":83.34,"body":"to do. It was more that I had"},{"startTime":83.34,"endTime":88.23,"body":"reached my rock bottom, I"},{"startTime":83.34,"endTime":88.23,"body":"believe I was prepared to do"},{"startTime":88.35,"endTime":94.44,"body":"what all of you or I could see"},{"startTime":88.35,"endTime":94.44,"body":"that you were doing. So it just"},{"startTime":94.47,"endTime":98.67,"body":"felt I knew that I was in the"},{"startTime":94.47,"endTime":98.67,"body":"right place. But it just felt"},{"startTime":98.97,"endTime":105.93,"body":"awkward, and different, and not"},{"startTime":98.97,"endTime":105.93,"body":"easy. But I can honestly say"},{"startTime":105.93,"endTime":111.96,"body":"that that's not the case now."},{"startTime":105.93,"endTime":111.96,"body":"And you know, I'm reminded of"},{"startTime":112.05,"endTime":117.39,"body":"what I hear quite often, more"},{"startTime":112.05,"endTime":117.39,"body":"will be revealed. And I was"},{"startTime":117.39,"endTime":121.11,"body":"thinking about this the other"},{"startTime":117.39,"endTime":121.11,"body":"day, that, you know, I came here"},{"startTime":121.11,"endTime":125.61,"body":"and tried to do my fifth step"},{"startTime":121.11,"endTime":125.61,"body":"and share that with somebody"},{"startTime":125.82,"endTime":130.32,"body":"when I think back it was quite"},{"startTime":125.82,"endTime":130.32,"body":"sort of superficial. But I did"},{"startTime":130.32,"endTime":137.28,"body":"the best that I could. But"},{"startTime":130.32,"endTime":137.28,"body":"recently, I've been able to see"},{"startTime":137.76,"endTime":143.76,"body":"more - it was because I realized"},{"startTime":137.76,"endTime":143.76,"body":"that I didn't know why I"},{"startTime":143.76,"endTime":149.13,"body":"realized it, but I just did,"},{"startTime":143.76,"endTime":149.13,"body":"that I at times was quite"},{"startTime":149.13,"endTime":153.12,"body":"distant. And it was just"},{"startTime":149.13,"endTime":153.12,"body":"something that somebody had"},{"startTime":153.12,"endTime":157.74,"body":"said. And when I looked at that"},{"startTime":153.12,"endTime":157.74,"body":"or was prepared to look at it,"},{"startTime":158.01,"endTime":163.56,"body":"it was I saw the fear, more"},{"startTime":158.01,"endTime":163.56,"body":"fear, the fear that I've lived"},{"startTime":163.56,"endTime":169.98,"body":"with all my life. And the fear"},{"startTime":163.56,"endTime":169.98,"body":"that I had thought I was the one"},{"startTime":170.19,"endTime":175.68,"body":"that had to make me better. But"},{"startTime":170.19,"endTime":175.68,"body":"I'm sorry, this is a bit"},{"startTime":175.68,"endTime":179.49,"body":"disjointed. But I remember just"},{"startTime":175.68,"endTime":179.49,"body":"a few weeks ago, Leonie... uh,"},{"startTime":180.12,"endTime":182.91,"body":"Louise came into a meeting and"},{"startTime":180.12,"endTime":182.91,"body":"she was asked to share and she"},{"startTime":182.91,"endTime":187.32,"body":"said, I don't know. I just don't"},{"startTime":182.91,"endTime":187.32,"body":"know. I thought yes, that's"},{"startTime":187.32,"endTime":191.49,"body":"right! I don't know, I don't"},{"startTime":187.32,"endTime":191.49,"body":"actually know what needs to get"},{"startTime":191.49,"endTime":198.96,"body":"better. What I do need to do is"},{"startTime":191.49,"endTime":198.96,"body":"be here and try to live the way"},{"startTime":198.96,"endTime":202.02,"body":"that I believe God wants me to"},{"startTime":198.96,"endTime":202.02,"body":"live and the way that I see"},{"startTime":202.02,"endTime":207.57,"body":"people living in the program."},{"startTime":202.02,"endTime":207.57,"body":"And I'll know what needs to be"},{"startTime":207.57,"endTime":212.64,"body":"done. And I don't even actually"},{"startTime":207.57,"endTime":212.64,"body":"have to do it. It's like being"},{"startTime":212.64,"endTime":218.79,"body":"here is enough. And wanting it"},{"startTime":212.64,"endTime":218.79,"body":"is enough to for the change to"},{"startTime":218.79,"endTime":222.03,"body":"happen. And the change isn't"},{"startTime":218.79,"endTime":222.03,"body":"hasn't really got a lot to do"},{"startTime":222.03,"endTime":228.6,"body":"with me. So what's happened as a"},{"startTime":222.03,"endTime":228.6,"body":"result of that is that I want to"},{"startTime":228.6,"endTime":234.33,"body":"be here even more. And it's"},{"startTime":228.6,"endTime":234.33,"body":"like, I can't, I can't try to"},{"startTime":234.33,"endTime":240.3,"body":"control things or fix things or"},{"startTime":234.33,"endTime":240.3,"body":"be anything other than here."},{"startTime":240.54,"endTime":245.76,"body":"Sounds so frustrating to say"},{"startTime":240.54,"endTime":245.76,"body":"that, but it's so true. When I"},{"startTime":246.09,"endTime":250.68,"body":"look at my experience, the the"},{"startTime":246.09,"endTime":250.68,"body":"relationships that I have with"},{"startTime":250.68,"endTime":254.43,"body":"the higher power or the God of"},{"startTime":250.68,"endTime":254.43,"body":"my understanding is very"},{"startTime":254.43,"endTime":260.16,"body":"different than the God that I"},{"startTime":254.43,"endTime":260.16,"body":"had when I came back. And I"},{"startTime":260.16,"endTime":265.86,"body":"couldn't I can't explain it, but"},{"startTime":260.16,"endTime":265.86,"body":"it just is different. And I'm,"},{"startTime":266.22,"endTime":270.42,"body":"I'm really happy with that."},{"startTime":266.22,"endTime":270.42,"body":"Like, I don't have any fixed"},{"startTime":270.42,"endTime":275.25,"body":"idea about a religious God or a"},{"startTime":270.42,"endTime":275.25,"body":"particular faith or anything."},{"startTime":275.67,"endTime":281.16,"body":"It's just it's kind of like a"},{"startTime":275.67,"endTime":281.16,"body":"flower blooming. I don't mean"},{"startTime":281.16,"endTime":285.48,"body":"I'm the flower that's blooming."},{"startTime":281.16,"endTime":285.48,"body":"I mean that the life that I'm"},{"startTime":285.48,"endTime":293.04,"body":"beginning to have and see is one"},{"startTime":285.48,"endTime":293.04,"body":"of a bloom rather than something"},{"startTime":293.1,"endTime":297.84,"body":"that's happened as a result of"},{"startTime":293.1,"endTime":297.84,"body":"me following, yeah as a result"},{"startTime":297.84,"endTime":302.76,"body":"of me doing something but I"},{"startTime":297.84,"endTime":302.76,"body":"think that's all I want to say."}]}