{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.24,"endTime":3.81,"body":"Hello, this speaker has been"},{"startTime":0.24,"endTime":3.81,"body":"recorded at a meeting of"},{"startTime":3.81,"endTime":8.16,"body":"Addictive Eaters Anonymous. For"},{"startTime":3.81,"endTime":8.16,"body":"more information, visit our"},{"startTime":8.16,"endTime":12.63,"body":"website www.aeainfo.org"},{"startTime":15.42,"endTime":20.1,"body":"My name is Ingrid and I'm an"},{"startTime":15.42,"endTime":20.1,"body":"addictive eater. And welcome to"},{"startTime":20.1,"endTime":24.39,"body":"anyone who's new or fairly new"},{"startTime":20.1,"endTime":24.39,"body":"to this meeting. And thank you"},{"startTime":24.39,"endTime":28.77,"body":"for asking me to share my"},{"startTime":24.39,"endTime":28.77,"body":"experience. I'm a bit nervous to"},{"startTime":28.8,"endTime":31.71,"body":"talk with you guys. But I'm just"},{"startTime":28.8,"endTime":31.71,"body":"going to tell you what it was"},{"startTime":31.71,"endTime":36.0,"body":"like, what happened for me and"},{"startTime":31.71,"endTime":36.0,"body":"what it's like now. And that's"},{"startTime":36.0,"endTime":39.15,"body":"something I do know. So I hope"},{"startTime":36.0,"endTime":39.15,"body":"you hear something you really"},{"startTime":39.36,"endTime":45.15,"body":"relate to something that can"},{"startTime":39.36,"endTime":45.15,"body":"help you today to be well, so"},{"startTime":45.27,"endTime":49.11,"body":"yeah, I, when I came to"},{"startTime":45.27,"endTime":49.11,"body":"Addictive Eaters Anonymous,"},{"startTime":49.26,"endTime":53.67,"body":"actually, before I came, I just"},{"startTime":49.26,"endTime":53.67,"body":"ran, I was running from"},{"startTime":53.67,"endTime":57.87,"body":"everything, I didn't want to"},{"startTime":53.67,"endTime":57.87,"body":"feel the way that I felt. And I"},{"startTime":57.87,"endTime":61.2,"body":"had this persistent voice in my"},{"startTime":57.87,"endTime":61.2,"body":"head telling me that I was"},{"startTime":61.2,"endTime":65.67,"body":"worthless, that I didn't, yeah,"},{"startTime":61.2,"endTime":65.67,"body":"that I was taking from this"},{"startTime":65.67,"endTime":70.14,"body":"world. And that I was, yeah, not"},{"startTime":65.67,"endTime":70.14,"body":"helpful and that I didn't have a"},{"startTime":70.14,"endTime":73.62,"body":"right to be here. So I just kept"},{"startTime":70.14,"endTime":73.62,"body":"running and running, I thought"},{"startTime":73.62,"endTime":78.12,"body":"if I just filled, rebuilt my"},{"startTime":73.62,"endTime":78.12,"body":"life full, then I could pretend"},{"startTime":78.12,"endTime":80.97,"body":"like those feelings weren't"},{"startTime":78.12,"endTime":80.97,"body":"there. And then maybe I could,"},{"startTime":81.21,"endTime":85.08,"body":"if I did enough good things,"},{"startTime":81.21,"endTime":85.08,"body":"then maybe I could be worth it"},{"startTime":85.41,"endTime":89.67,"body":"in the end. So I remember,"},{"startTime":85.41,"endTime":89.67,"body":"actually, Friday nights, there"},{"startTime":89.67,"endTime":94.74,"body":"was a something I used to do"},{"startTime":89.67,"endTime":94.74,"body":"this, like a group of people"},{"startTime":94.74,"endTime":99.75,"body":"would go to this motel. It's"},{"startTime":94.74,"endTime":99.75,"body":"like a really sleazy one star"},{"startTime":99.78,"endTime":104.25,"body":"hotel. And we would go there."},{"startTime":99.78,"endTime":104.25,"body":"And we would bring pizza and"},{"startTime":104.28,"endTime":108.42,"body":"games and play with the kids."},{"startTime":104.28,"endTime":108.42,"body":"Because there's a bunch of"},{"startTime":108.42,"endTime":113.34,"body":"homeless people that actually"},{"startTime":108.42,"endTime":113.34,"body":"live full time in the motel. So"},{"startTime":113.34,"endTime":116.16,"body":"we would go and we'd bring these"},{"startTime":113.34,"endTime":116.16,"body":"to them, and we'd play with"},{"startTime":116.16,"endTime":121.02,"body":"them. And then I would always go"},{"startTime":116.16,"endTime":121.02,"body":"because when I was there, it was"},{"startTime":121.02,"endTime":124.8,"body":"right during dinner time. So I"},{"startTime":121.02,"endTime":124.8,"body":"wouldn't have to eat because"},{"startTime":124.8,"endTime":129.21,"body":"we'd have to save all the food"},{"startTime":124.8,"endTime":129.21,"body":"for the guests. And I also would"},{"startTime":129.21,"endTime":132.12,"body":"be playing with the kids. So I"},{"startTime":129.21,"endTime":132.12,"body":"wouldn't have to think about"},{"startTime":132.15,"endTime":135.09,"body":"eating, or at least like I could"},{"startTime":132.15,"endTime":135.09,"body":"try to not think about eating"},{"startTime":135.42,"endTime":138.48,"body":"for the time that I was playing"},{"startTime":135.42,"endTime":138.48,"body":"with them. And then by the time"},{"startTime":138.48,"endTime":141.57,"body":"it was over, the whole group"},{"startTime":138.48,"endTime":141.57,"body":"would leave, you know, they"},{"startTime":141.57,"endTime":144.6,"body":"would just stay for a couple"},{"startTime":141.57,"endTime":144.6,"body":"hours. And then they would leave"},{"startTime":144.63,"endTime":148.65,"body":"but I didn't want to leave."},{"startTime":144.63,"endTime":148.65,"body":"Because I knew if I left, then I"},{"startTime":148.65,"endTime":152.07,"body":"would go find something to eat."},{"startTime":148.65,"endTime":152.07,"body":"And I was afraid that once I"},{"startTime":152.07,"endTime":155.55,"body":"stopped started eating, I"},{"startTime":152.07,"endTime":155.55,"body":"couldn't stop. Because that's"},{"startTime":155.55,"endTime":158.97,"body":"how it was. And so I would just"},{"startTime":155.55,"endTime":158.97,"body":"stay there. I would stay there"},{"startTime":158.97,"endTime":164.04,"body":"at night by myself playing with"},{"startTime":158.97,"endTime":164.04,"body":"random strangers kids. And I"},{"startTime":164.04,"endTime":166.92,"body":"told my old co-worker about"},{"startTime":164.04,"endTime":166.92,"body":"this, like, yeah, I go to this"},{"startTime":166.95,"endTime":170.76,"body":"great place on Friday nights."},{"startTime":166.95,"endTime":170.76,"body":"It's at such and such motel and"},{"startTime":170.76,"endTime":173.94,"body":"she's like, ‘Ingrid, don't go"},{"startTime":170.76,"endTime":173.94,"body":"there by yourself. My husband"},{"startTime":173.94,"endTime":178.59,"body":"was shot there.‘ He had a he was"},{"startTime":173.94,"endTime":178.59,"body":"a security guard. And he wore"},{"startTime":178.59,"endTime":181.95,"body":"it, he was wearing a vest,"},{"startTime":178.59,"endTime":181.95,"body":"though he was injured, but he"},{"startTime":181.95,"endTime":185.4,"body":"wasn't killed. But he was shot"},{"startTime":181.95,"endTime":185.4,"body":"at that motel. And I was just"},{"startTime":185.4,"endTime":190.8,"body":"hanging out there by myself"},{"startTime":185.4,"endTime":190.8,"body":"trying to make myself okay, and"},{"startTime":190.8,"endTime":194.22,"body":"to run away from food. And if"},{"startTime":190.8,"endTime":194.22,"body":"you would have asked me then is"},{"startTime":194.22,"endTime":197.43,"body":"that what you're doing? I would"},{"startTime":194.22,"endTime":197.43,"body":"have no idea. That's what I was"},{"startTime":197.43,"endTime":200.97,"body":"doing. I wouldn't know how to"},{"startTime":197.43,"endTime":200.97,"body":"explain that to you. But I see"},{"startTime":201.24,"endTime":204.63,"body":"now that that's what I was"},{"startTime":201.24,"endTime":204.63,"body":"doing. I was running away from"},{"startTime":204.63,"endTime":209.55,"body":"this obsession and illness in my"},{"startTime":204.63,"endTime":209.55,"body":"mind and in my body that was"},{"startTime":209.55,"endTime":213.15,"body":"telling me I don't deserve to"},{"startTime":209.55,"endTime":213.15,"body":"eat. And I don't deserve"},{"startTime":213.15,"endTime":217.86,"body":"anything, I'm worthless. I"},{"startTime":213.15,"endTime":217.86,"body":"thought if I could just sort out"},{"startTime":217.86,"endTime":221.37,"body":"my life, if I would just do"},{"startTime":217.86,"endTime":221.37,"body":"things better than my issues"},{"startTime":221.37,"endTime":225.84,"body":"with food would stop. The issues"},{"startTime":221.37,"endTime":225.84,"body":"I was having with I just kind of"},{"startTime":226.17,"endTime":228.72,"body":"in my head, I was always"},{"startTime":226.17,"endTime":228.72,"body":"thinking about what I could eat."},{"startTime":229.11,"endTime":231.72,"body":"And I wanted to eat because I"},{"startTime":229.11,"endTime":231.72,"body":"knew that it would feel a couple"},{"startTime":231.72,"endTime":236.01,"body":"minutes, a little period of"},{"startTime":231.72,"endTime":236.01,"body":"relief once I was starting to"},{"startTime":236.01,"endTime":239.94,"body":"eat. So I was always wanting to"},{"startTime":236.01,"endTime":239.94,"body":"eat. But then whenever I did"},{"startTime":239.94,"endTime":243.93,"body":"start to eat started to eat, my"},{"startTime":239.94,"endTime":243.93,"body":"brain would attack me, like"},{"startTime":244.08,"endTime":246.42,"body":"telling me I'm such a horrible"},{"startTime":244.08,"endTime":246.42,"body":"person for eating all these"},{"startTime":246.42,"endTime":250.62,"body":"things. And so my response to"},{"startTime":246.42,"endTime":250.62,"body":"that was just restricting, you"},{"startTime":250.62,"endTime":254.85,"body":"know, just try to eat as little"},{"startTime":250.62,"endTime":254.85,"body":"as I can. If I can't start it."},{"startTime":254.88,"endTime":257.64,"body":"If I don't start it, then I"},{"startTime":254.88,"endTime":257.64,"body":"won't have any trouble stopping."},{"startTime":258.21,"endTime":262.92,"body":"Well, that didn't work. It"},{"startTime":258.21,"endTime":262.92,"body":"worked for a while. And then I"},{"startTime":262.92,"endTime":266.88,"body":"got really scared because I"},{"startTime":262.92,"endTime":266.88,"body":"started binging in the middle of"},{"startTime":266.88,"endTime":271.08,"body":"the night off random places I"},{"startTime":266.88,"endTime":271.08,"body":"would just I would binge and I"},{"startTime":271.08,"endTime":275.28,"body":"would eat even things that were"},{"startTime":271.08,"endTime":275.28,"body":"not really edible, like frozen,"},{"startTime":275.31,"endTime":279.99,"body":"from the bins, things that were"},{"startTime":275.31,"endTime":279.99,"body":"like condiments and spices I'd"},{"startTime":279.99,"endTime":284.01,"body":"be eating those. And that was"},{"startTime":279.99,"endTime":284.01,"body":"scary, because that's not what I"},{"startTime":284.01,"endTime":290.1,"body":"did. I restricted and now I'm"},{"startTime":284.01,"endTime":290.1,"body":"doing something scary. So I was"},{"startTime":290.13,"endTime":296.34,"body":"aware that I had reached a level"},{"startTime":290.13,"endTime":296.34,"body":"where there was something going"},{"startTime":296.34,"endTime":301.68,"body":"on with my eating that was a"},{"startTime":296.34,"endTime":301.68,"body":"problem. that I couldn't solve."},{"startTime":302.76,"endTime":306.39,"body":"So when I, of course, I never"},{"startTime":302.76,"endTime":306.39,"body":"talked about this to anyone."},{"startTime":307.44,"endTime":310.68,"body":"I've never talked about this to"},{"startTime":307.44,"endTime":310.68,"body":"anyone. But I went to the"},{"startTime":310.68,"endTime":314.01,"body":"dentist and I asked my dentist"},{"startTime":310.68,"endTime":314.01,"body":"if my teeth were"},{"startTime":314.0,"endTime":319.73,"body":"okay. Because people had told me"},{"startTime":314.0,"endTime":319.73,"body":"that if you are underweight for"},{"startTime":319.73,"endTime":323.18,"body":"too long that if there's a risk"},{"startTime":319.73,"endTime":323.18,"body":"to your bone health and your"},{"startTime":323.18,"endTime":328.82,"body":"teeth health. And so I asked her"},{"startTime":323.18,"endTime":328.82,"body":"and she said, ‘Yes, your teeth"},{"startTime":328.82,"endTime":332.69,"body":"are fine. But I have noticed you"},{"startTime":328.82,"endTime":332.69,"body":"lost a lot of weight. And I just"},{"startTime":332.69,"endTime":336.32,"body":"want you to know, that I eat"},{"startTime":332.69,"endTime":336.32,"body":"compulsively. And I've obsessed"},{"startTime":336.32,"endTime":340.19,"body":"about food. And I found help"},{"startTime":336.32,"endTime":340.19,"body":"with these meetings, and here's"},{"startTime":340.19,"endTime":343.73,"body":"my number and my card if you"},{"startTime":340.19,"endTime":343.73,"body":"ever want to go.‘ I thought no"},{"startTime":343.73,"endTime":348.08,"body":"way! Like you don't understand"},{"startTime":343.73,"endTime":348.08,"body":"me. You don't know my problem."},{"startTime":348.62,"endTime":351.83,"body":"But actually, that was a great"},{"startTime":348.62,"endTime":351.83,"body":"help to me. So when I was in"},{"startTime":351.83,"endTime":356.33,"body":"real, serious pain on the"},{"startTime":351.83,"endTime":356.33,"body":"bathroom floor, from a binge, I"},{"startTime":356.33,"endTime":361.64,"body":"called the number, and I started"},{"startTime":356.33,"endTime":361.64,"body":"to go to meetings. And what I"},{"startTime":361.64,"endTime":366.89,"body":"loved about meetings, is when I"},{"startTime":361.64,"endTime":366.89,"body":"listened to you guys, share, you"},{"startTime":366.89,"endTime":370.01,"body":"talked about being helpful to"},{"startTime":366.89,"endTime":370.01,"body":"other people, and not like you"},{"startTime":370.01,"endTime":372.47,"body":"were showing off, but you're"},{"startTime":370.01,"endTime":372.47,"body":"just talking about what you did"},{"startTime":372.5,"endTime":377.66,"body":"during the day. I heard people"},{"startTime":372.5,"endTime":377.66,"body":"share that they did service at"},{"startTime":377.66,"endTime":382.64,"body":"jails, that they talked about"},{"startTime":377.66,"endTime":382.64,"body":"the program first! Like their"},{"startTime":382.64,"endTime":387.35,"body":"life, their priority was about"},{"startTime":382.64,"endTime":387.35,"body":"sharing that there is a freedom"},{"startTime":387.35,"endTime":391.4,"body":"there is a solution from the"},{"startTime":387.35,"endTime":391.4,"body":"constant thinking of ‘I want to"},{"startTime":391.43,"endTime":395.99,"body":"eat, I want to eat I want to"},{"startTime":391.43,"endTime":395.99,"body":"eat‘ and the inability to stop"},{"startTime":396.02,"endTime":400.4,"body":"eating once you start and then"},{"startTime":396.02,"endTime":400.4,"body":"also that spiritual malady of"},{"startTime":400.4,"endTime":405.26,"body":"like, I think I'm worthless, and"},{"startTime":400.4,"endTime":405.26,"body":"I can't run my life, that"},{"startTime":405.26,"endTime":408.32,"body":"there's something that could"},{"startTime":405.26,"endTime":408.32,"body":"fill that hole inside of me that"},{"startTime":408.32,"endTime":413.51,"body":"I was feeling like this higher"},{"startTime":408.32,"endTime":413.51,"body":"power shaped hole inside of me."},{"startTime":413.99,"endTime":419.09,"body":"So, you know, that's what kept"},{"startTime":413.99,"endTime":419.09,"body":"me coming back. I didn't want to"},{"startTime":419.09,"endTime":422.24,"body":"know all these hard things I"},{"startTime":419.09,"endTime":422.24,"body":"thought I would have to do with"},{"startTime":422.24,"endTime":428.18,"body":"food. I didn't want to do that."},{"startTime":422.24,"endTime":428.18,"body":"But I did love that. That what"},{"startTime":428.18,"endTime":434.06,"body":"was on offer was a freedom was"},{"startTime":428.18,"endTime":434.06,"body":"an ability to be able to do"},{"startTime":434.06,"endTime":437.87,"body":"something and live a life that's"},{"startTime":434.06,"endTime":437.87,"body":"really helpful for for others,"},{"startTime":438.53,"endTime":442.31,"body":"to others coming from a place of"},{"startTime":438.53,"endTime":442.31,"body":"fullness instead of a place of"},{"startTime":442.31,"endTime":447.83,"body":"running. And so I got a big book"},{"startTime":442.31,"endTime":447.83,"body":"on my first meeting. And I"},{"startTime":447.83,"endTime":451.7,"body":"started reading it and I loved"},{"startTime":447.83,"endTime":451.7,"body":"it. So I thought I got this, you"},{"startTime":451.7,"endTime":454.52,"body":"know, I'm just gonna read the"},{"startTime":451.7,"endTime":454.52,"body":"big book, I'm gonna go to"},{"startTime":454.52,"endTime":459.23,"body":"meetings. And I think I can I"},{"startTime":454.52,"endTime":459.23,"body":"can squash this problem, not"},{"startTime":459.23,"endTime":462.71,"body":"change my life. Eating problems"},{"startTime":459.23,"endTime":462.71,"body":"just fade away. It's, it's gonna"},{"startTime":462.71,"endTime":467.63,"body":"be fine. So started going to"},{"startTime":462.71,"endTime":467.63,"body":"meetings, probably I was going"},{"startTime":467.63,"endTime":472.52,"body":"to meetings for over a year. And"},{"startTime":467.63,"endTime":472.52,"body":"I was getting worse, the eating"},{"startTime":472.52,"endTime":475.73,"body":"was getting worse. And I"},{"startTime":472.52,"endTime":475.73,"body":"thought, What is the problem?"},{"startTime":475.76,"endTime":479.48,"body":"Like, I'm doing this, I'm"},{"startTime":475.76,"endTime":479.48,"body":"reading the steps. It's not"},{"startTime":479.48,"endTime":484.22,"body":"fine. But I hadn't stopped"},{"startTime":479.48,"endTime":484.22,"body":"eating. I was still manipulating"},{"startTime":484.22,"endTime":488.45,"body":"food. I was running to food as a"},{"startTime":484.22,"endTime":488.45,"body":"solution. I was eating"},{"startTime":488.87,"endTime":494.93,"body":"uncontrollably I yeah. I had no"},{"startTime":488.87,"endTime":494.93,"body":"way to stop the eating. So I"},{"startTime":494.93,"endTime":499.1,"body":"thought I know. I'll go to a"},{"startTime":494.93,"endTime":499.1,"body":"nutritionist. She'll give me a"},{"startTime":499.1,"endTime":502.94,"body":"food plan. I'll just follow the"},{"startTime":499.1,"endTime":502.94,"body":"food plan. And from the"},{"startTime":502.94,"endTime":505.64,"body":"nutritionist and that'd be fine."},{"startTime":502.94,"endTime":505.64,"body":"So I got it from the"},{"startTime":505.64,"endTime":512.3,"body":"nutritionist. And I lied, I lied"},{"startTime":505.64,"endTime":512.3,"body":"to myself about the food plan. I"},{"startTime":512.3,"endTime":516.38,"body":"started saying, ‘Oh, this food"},{"startTime":512.3,"endTime":516.38,"body":"kind of fits into two categories"},{"startTime":516.41,"endTime":520.1,"body":"at the same time.‘ So that did"},{"startTime":516.41,"endTime":520.1,"body":"not work for me either. I had to"},{"startTime":520.37,"endTime":524.66,"body":"completely do this program as"},{"startTime":520.37,"endTime":524.66,"body":"it's laid out in the big book,"},{"startTime":525.08,"endTime":529.52,"body":"and from a sponsor who's done it"},{"startTime":525.08,"endTime":529.52,"body":"before me in order to really"},{"startTime":529.85,"endTime":534.71,"body":"experience help, moving forward"},{"startTime":529.85,"endTime":534.71,"body":"help, freedom from the"},{"startTime":534.71,"endTime":538.85,"body":"addiction, the eating in the"},{"startTime":534.71,"endTime":538.85,"body":"physical allergy, the mental"},{"startTime":538.85,"endTime":543.77,"body":"obsession and the spiritual"},{"startTime":538.85,"endTime":543.77,"body":"malady. So I did I, I asked for"},{"startTime":543.77,"endTime":547.94,"body":"a sponsor. And for me, that was"},{"startTime":543.77,"endTime":547.94,"body":"a real tangible step of making a"},{"startTime":547.94,"endTime":553.37,"body":"decision to do it a different"},{"startTime":547.94,"endTime":553.37,"body":"way to acknowledge that I had a"},{"startTime":553.49,"endTime":557.66,"body":"problem bigger than something I"},{"startTime":553.49,"endTime":557.66,"body":"couldn't solve. And to"},{"startTime":557.66,"endTime":562.01,"body":"acknowledge that I believed in"},{"startTime":557.66,"endTime":562.01,"body":"something bigger than me was a"},{"startTime":562.01,"endTime":565.73,"body":"solution. I didn't believe that"},{"startTime":562.01,"endTime":565.73,"body":"if I asked her and did what she"},{"startTime":565.73,"endTime":570.32,"body":"said that there could be a"},{"startTime":565.73,"endTime":570.32,"body":"chance that I would be okay. I"},{"startTime":570.32,"endTime":574.31,"body":"didn't know if I could do it."},{"startTime":570.32,"endTime":574.31,"body":"You know, the program I I really"},{"startTime":574.31,"endTime":577.7,"body":"didn't know if I can do it. But"},{"startTime":574.31,"endTime":577.7,"body":"I knew that it had worked for"},{"startTime":577.7,"endTime":581.48,"body":"other people and that I wanted"},{"startTime":577.7,"endTime":581.48,"body":"to just for today just for that"},{"startTime":581.48,"endTime":587.81,"body":"day. And I started to begin to"},{"startTime":581.48,"endTime":587.81,"body":"trust a higher power. I got"},{"startTime":587.84,"endTime":591.23,"body":"other phone numbers of members"},{"startTime":587.84,"endTime":591.23,"body":"and it was one morning I was"},{"startTime":591.23,"endTime":597.08,"body":"trying to get to work. And I was"},{"startTime":591.23,"endTime":597.08,"body":"terrified. I just I lived in"},{"startTime":597.08,"endTime":601.43,"body":"fear all the time. So all I was"},{"startTime":597.08,"endTime":601.43,"body":"doing all I needed to do was get"},{"startTime":601.43,"endTime":606.11,"body":"dressed and brush my teeth and"},{"startTime":601.43,"endTime":606.11,"body":"go to work, like so simple. But"},{"startTime":606.11,"endTime":611.36,"body":"I was terrified. And so I just"},{"startTime":606.11,"endTime":611.36,"body":"called another member of this"},{"startTime":611.36,"endTime":615.71,"body":"program who‘s here today for"},{"startTime":611.36,"endTime":615.71,"body":"help. And I said, I was crying."},{"startTime":615.74,"endTime":619.28,"body":"I was like, ‘Look, I can't get"},{"startTime":615.74,"endTime":619.28,"body":"dressed, I can't go to work, I'm"},{"startTime":619.28,"endTime":624.11,"body":"terrified.‘ She said, ‘Go"},{"startTime":619.28,"endTime":624.11,"body":"outside right now and get on"},{"startTime":624.11,"endTime":628.64,"body":"your knees and ask your higher"},{"startTime":624.11,"endTime":628.64,"body":"power for help. Just help to get"},{"startTime":628.64,"endTime":632.66,"body":"dressed. And when you're done,"},{"startTime":628.64,"endTime":632.66,"body":"thank your higher power.‘ And so"},{"startTime":632.66,"endTime":635.51,"body":"I did and she said, ‘I'll stay"},{"startTime":632.66,"endTime":635.51,"body":"on the line.‘ And so I did, I"},{"startTime":635.51,"endTime":638.9,"body":"walked out in the house, I got"},{"startTime":635.51,"endTime":638.9,"body":"on my knees, I prayed for help."},{"startTime":638.93,"endTime":641.3,"body":"I walked back in the house, I"},{"startTime":638.93,"endTime":641.3,"body":"put on my clothes, I thanked my"},{"startTime":641.3,"endTime":643.76,"body":"higher power and I got back on"},{"startTime":641.3,"endTime":643.76,"body":"the phone with her. I said,"},{"startTime":644.09,"endTime":648.17,"body":"‘Okay, did it.‘ And she said,"},{"startTime":644.09,"endTime":648.17,"body":"‘Okay, ask your higher power for"},{"startTime":648.17,"endTime":651.71,"body":"help to brush your teeth. And"},{"startTime":648.17,"endTime":651.71,"body":"thank him when you're done. I'll"},{"startTime":651.71,"endTime":654.8,"body":"be right here.‘ And I did same"},{"startTime":651.71,"endTime":654.8,"body":"thing. I asked my higher power"},{"startTime":654.8,"endTime":657.53,"body":"for help brushed my teeth. I"},{"startTime":654.8,"endTime":657.53,"body":"thanked him and she was right"},{"startTime":657.53,"endTime":660.5,"body":"there. And then all the way till"},{"startTime":657.53,"endTime":660.5,"body":"the point that I was sitting in"},{"startTime":660.5,"endTime":666.41,"body":"my car. And I got and I made it"},{"startTime":660.5,"endTime":666.41,"body":"to work. And that just is it an"},{"startTime":666.41,"endTime":671.03,"body":"example to me of how I put"},{"startTime":666.41,"endTime":671.03,"body":"myself out there by making that"},{"startTime":671.03,"endTime":674.63,"body":"phone call. And by asking my"},{"startTime":671.03,"endTime":674.63,"body":"higher power for help. And that"},{"startTime":674.63,"endTime":679.55,"body":"higher power showed up for me."},{"startTime":674.63,"endTime":679.55,"body":"And I learned to trust. And 10s"},{"startTime":679.58,"endTime":683.51,"body":"of 1000s of more of those"},{"startTime":679.58,"endTime":683.51,"body":"situations have happened to me"},{"startTime":683.75,"endTime":688.43,"body":"in the last five years. Like so"},{"startTime":683.75,"endTime":688.43,"body":"many times, I've just been"},{"startTime":688.43,"endTime":692.72,"body":"willing to go to my higher power"},{"startTime":688.43,"endTime":692.72,"body":"and say, ‘I can't, I can't do"},{"startTime":692.72,"endTime":695.93,"body":"this. And I need help.‘ And that"},{"startTime":692.72,"endTime":695.93,"body":"higher power has shown up for"},{"startTime":695.93,"endTime":700.82,"body":"me. And the people in this group"},{"startTime":695.93,"endTime":700.82,"body":"have been here to support me and"},{"startTime":700.82,"endTime":703.07,"body":"direct me right back to my"},{"startTime":700.82,"endTime":703.07,"body":"higher power over and over"},{"startTime":703.07,"endTime":706.73,"body":"again. My sponsor says this"},{"startTime":703.07,"endTime":706.73,"body":"beautiful thing. She says"},{"startTime":706.73,"endTime":709.28,"body":"‘where's your higher power in"},{"startTime":706.73,"endTime":709.28,"body":"this? Where is your higher"},{"startTime":709.31,"endTime":713.75,"body":"power?‘ And that is what helps"},{"startTime":709.31,"endTime":713.75,"body":"me get through. Because when"},{"startTime":713.75,"endTime":717.35,"body":"things happen that I don't want"},{"startTime":713.75,"endTime":717.35,"body":"to happen. I don't want to be"},{"startTime":717.35,"endTime":721.31,"body":"sick right now talking to you"},{"startTime":717.35,"endTime":721.31,"body":"guys with a horrible voice. I"},{"startTime":721.31,"endTime":725.54,"body":"don't want to be, I would like"},{"startTime":721.31,"endTime":725.54,"body":"to be in Scotland, I had a great"},{"startTime":725.66,"endTime":731.45,"body":"at going to the event with you"},{"startTime":725.66,"endTime":731.45,"body":"all. But I am not. And that's"},{"startTime":731.45,"endTime":734.63,"body":"okay. Because I can just sit in"},{"startTime":731.45,"endTime":734.63,"body":"this moment, say, ‘Where's my"},{"startTime":734.63,"endTime":738.68,"body":"higher power in this? And then"},{"startTime":734.63,"endTime":738.68,"body":"look and see it and think my"},{"startTime":738.68,"endTime":742.82,"body":"higher power. And I do not have"},{"startTime":738.68,"endTime":742.82,"body":"to addictively eat today, which"},{"startTime":742.82,"endTime":747.83,"body":"is great. It tries to come back"},{"startTime":742.82,"endTime":747.83,"body":"and get me sometimes. Or"},{"startTime":747.83,"endTime":750.59,"body":"somebody send me a message if"},{"startTime":747.83,"endTime":750.59,"body":"I'm talking to for too long,"},{"startTime":750.59,"endTime":754.46,"body":"please ‘cos I don't know, where"},{"startTime":750.59,"endTime":754.46,"body":"I'm at on my timeframe. But I"},{"startTime":754.46,"endTime":759.68,"body":"just want to say sometimes the"},{"startTime":754.46,"endTime":759.68,"body":"the the illness comes back to"},{"startTime":759.68,"endTime":764.66,"body":"me. I had a phase where I wanted"},{"startTime":759.68,"endTime":764.66,"body":"to be really muscular. So I"},{"startTime":764.66,"endTime":767.75,"body":"thought I need to do all these"},{"startTime":764.66,"endTime":767.75,"body":"things because I need to be"},{"startTime":767.75,"endTime":770.9,"body":"muscular, which is just a"},{"startTime":767.75,"endTime":770.9,"body":"disguised way for me to say"},{"startTime":770.9,"endTime":777.32,"body":"thin. And so I was talking to my"},{"startTime":770.9,"endTime":777.32,"body":"sponsor about this. And it just"},{"startTime":777.5,"endTime":780.92,"body":"she said something that was"},{"startTime":777.5,"endTime":780.92,"body":"really helpful to me. She said,"},{"startTime":780.92,"endTime":784.91,"body":"‘when you die at your funeral,"},{"startTime":780.92,"endTime":784.91,"body":"do you want people to say oh,"},{"startTime":784.91,"endTime":788.63,"body":"yeah, Ingrid, she was really"},{"startTime":784.91,"endTime":788.63,"body":"health conscious. She was a"},{"startTime":788.63,"endTime":792.17,"body":"really muscular person, and her"},{"startTime":788.63,"endTime":792.17,"body":"food and her fitness was really"},{"startTime":792.17,"endTime":796.46,"body":"important to her. Or would you"},{"startTime":792.17,"endTime":796.46,"body":"rather that they say, oh, you"},{"startTime":796.46,"endTime":801.11,"body":"know, Ingrid, she was a kind and"},{"startTime":796.46,"endTime":801.11,"body":"loving friend. She showed up."},{"startTime":801.5,"endTime":805.16,"body":"Even when it was hard. She"},{"startTime":801.5,"endTime":805.16,"body":"accepted me for who I was, and"},{"startTime":805.16,"endTime":810.8,"body":"she loved me.‘ That's the person"},{"startTime":805.16,"endTime":810.8,"body":"I want to be. I don't care if I"},{"startTime":810.8,"endTime":815.75,"body":"am not if I'm muscular or not,"},{"startTime":810.8,"endTime":815.75,"body":"because who cares?! I know that"},{"startTime":815.75,"endTime":819.44,"body":"I have this issue with food. So"},{"startTime":815.75,"endTime":819.44,"body":"I have to put things regarding"},{"startTime":819.44,"endTime":823.07,"body":"food and my weight down and not"},{"startTime":819.44,"endTime":823.07,"body":"worry about that. And in an"},{"startTime":823.07,"endTime":827.06,"body":"exchange I get to be more and"},{"startTime":823.07,"endTime":827.06,"body":"more that person, that loving"},{"startTime":827.06,"endTime":830.42,"body":"friend. So I just want to keep"},{"startTime":827.06,"endTime":830.42,"body":"showing up keep sharing that"},{"startTime":830.42,"endTime":834.71,"body":"this is on offer for all of us."},{"startTime":830.42,"endTime":834.71,"body":"And thank you to my higher power"},{"startTime":834.71,"endTime":837.86,"body":"for showing me that he's he's"},{"startTime":834.71,"endTime":837.86,"body":"right here with me helping me"},{"startTime":837.86,"endTime":840.68,"body":"through and thank you for"},{"startTime":837.86,"endTime":840.68,"body":"listening. I look forward to"},{"startTime":840.68,"endTime":841.61,"body":"listening to you"}]}