Half of Many Things, Whole on Purpose: Conversation with Shaman and Reiki Master AB Caplan

Host Dr. Shawna Gann and co-host Marcel welcome their first guest of the season in this powerful conversation of Our True Colors.  They are joined by the founder of Lonewolf District Ali Blair Caplan, known as "AB". In this discussion, they explore what it means to live between identities and still claim a sense of belonging. AB shares her lived experience as a biracial Black and white woman adopted into an all-white family, and how that journey shaped her understanding of race, contentment, and self-trust.

This episode moves through stories of being labeled, questioned, and reduced by others and how those moments can fracture identity or become catalysts for healing. AB reflects on the moment she realized society would always see her as non-white, regardless of proximity to whiteness, and how that reckoning led her toward spiritual practice, integrity, and creating spaces where people feel safe to be fully themselves. The conversation weaves together race, adoption, wellness, cultural responsibility, and energy work, offering grounding rather than escape. A central reminder echoes throughout. Love and good intentions are not always enough. Integrity, responsibility, and tending to ourselves matter if we want to stay human in uncertain times.

More to Check Out:

• The Aimee Amour - Best Bar DJ in New York City
• How frogs went from right-wing meme to anti-ICE protest symbol

To explore Shawna’s work and sign up for updates about her upcoming book Mixed Signals, visit TrueCultureConsulting.com.

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Transcript

INTRO (JASON) | 00:06
Welcome to Our True Colors, hosted by Shaw na Gann. Join her as she explores the challenges of being a racial riddle, an ethnic enigma, and a cultural conundrum. Let's dive in.
Shawna | 00:21
Hey Marcel, how you doing? How are you arriving today?
Marcel | 00:24
I'm good, Shawna. How yourself?
Shawna | 00:27
I'm pretty good. You might hear a little raspiness happening here. I bring up my raspinesses because one, I hoped that it would be all better by the time we get to today's recording.
You know, our bodies have other plans sometimes. But I'm a little proud of the raspiness because can I tell you why it's my God.
Marcel | 00:58
Raspy? Yes.
Shawna | 01:02
My kid just won Best Bar DJ in New York City. And I got to be there for him to accept the award. He accepted it as his drag persona, the Amy Amor, y'all. Yes, I will be linking it in the show notes. And I screamed my head off like crazy.
Like, a lot. So anyway, this is now the result.
Plus, while I was there in the city, it was like... 11 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm from Anchorage, Alaska. I should be okay with 11 degrees. But can I tell you how cold that was? It was so cold.
Anyway, that's why I'm a little raspy.
Marcel | 01:37
Well, over here, we use centigrade. So 11 degrees is warm. If you were to put it in centigrade.
So when you said Fahrenheit, my brain tried to do the maths. Okay.
Shawna | 01:47
Fahrenheit. It's negative 11.
Marcel | 01:51
Okay, yeah, that's cold.
Shawna | 01:54
It was pretty cold. It was cold.
So that's okay. Hey, how's your setup? Today, last time I spoke to you were like, Shauna, my laptop's on three sneaker boxes.
Marcel | 02:07
Okay, so... I have foregone the sneaker boxes because I've started to wear some of them.
So... Much to the pain of my partner. I was thinking... But she was hoping that I was going to return some of them, but I have a At once.
Shawna | 02:22
Problem. Because Marcel, you said you got three.
Marcel | 02:26
But I have to admit, one of them wasn't for me. The other one was for my daughter.
So we could have a matching pair of Jordans.
Shawna | 02:34
My.
Marcel | 02:34
God. However... They're like three sizes too big for her right now.
So I've had to put my Jordans away. To wait for her so we don't they don't get scuffed or dirty which heaven forbid any trainer gets scuffed or dirty. Bye. I think I might have my child.
Shawna | 02:54
Are you a sneakerhead?
Marcel | 02:56
Yeah I have a problem I genuinely have a problem with Jordans, especially Jordans. And I try and get away with like having multiple different styles.
Some people just go for one particular one in every single color. I've got everything.
Shawna | 03:12
I'm so cheap. Look, I got the same Skechers I've been wearing for like two years and I'm about to graduate to some Skechers slip-ons, y'all. I was like, actually, these seem kind of convenient. I'm the opposite of a sneakerhead. I'm sorry. I'm so boring and functional.
I mean, I like cute stuff. Like there's some Converse and stuff that I think are kind of cute. Just, But I'm more about I'm just, if I got to go somewhere like, I can't with the polishing. And like you said, you can't wear them. And the people who are like, I can't get a crease or.
Marcel | 03:44
Whatever. I've given up on the crease. You can't put things in them, but they make you look more like a duck or a penguin. And yeah. I did tracks from the, Hey, look at my new trainers.
And then what a loss, but, as if you've got an egg between your legs. But saying that, you've got an amazing jumper there with a little frog on.
Shawna | 04:03
This is my jumper. Look at that shirt.
You see it? Yes. This is my Portland resist frog. Jumper in my hoodie.
You know what that is? Y'all know what that is over there?
Marcel | 04:15
Is that from ICE? Am I allowed to say the words?
Shawna | 04:20
Yeah.
Marcel | 04:21
Yeah.
Shawna | 04:22
Yeah. Actually it is. So... Ice is clearly a thing.
Over here on this side where it is not an okay thing. And there is not anything in this world that I could think of that would make me compromise my values to be an ICE agent. And I was watching something where There was a woman who was kind of like criticizing people for not being enough of an advocate or I don't want to say advocate. She wanted really people to be an activist. And I was like, I don't think everybody can be an activist and we shouldn't ask that question. Of everyone, but we can be allies. We can stand up for each other. We can stand by our values.
Anyway, this is one of my subtle ways of doing that. So this is the frog, because in, for those of you listening, if you don't know, there was a person in Portland, Oregon, who had like a frog inflatable costume on and was kind of taunting ICE a little bit, like, it was ridiculous because they showed up with all their guns and gear and stuff like this and they're, like, in frog costumes. And it was ridiculous on purpose. And it's like, you know, it kind of makes us think about how ridiculous a lot of what we're experiencing is right now.
So yeah, I got my frog hoodie on that says resist. And I have a matching sticker on the back of my car, which some guy thought was MTV the other day. He's like, I saw your sticker on your car. I was like, which one?
Cause I have a couple. And he said, it has a toad on it. And I was like, okay. And he goes, yeah, is that MTV? I was like, No. Nah. No, it's not.
Anyway, my social media feeds... Are completely filled with ice stuff. And I think it's really hard because for many of us over here, This is some stressful shit we're going through right now.
Like... It's a mess. But one of the things that comes up a lot is If you are an activist or if you are someone who is moved to action in some way to be careful that you introduce like rest and healing and because you can't do this without those things.
So do you get anything about wellness and health in your feed?
Marcel | 06:31
So I am a strong advocate of Look it up yourself. You can't pull from an empty putt. There are a amount of people who want to help others but at the cost of themselves and say, look after yourself. Where you can go out there and support others. But I love a little bit of meditation... I, I think it's so important.
Shawna | 06:52
Yeah. I ask you about wellness and stuff like that because of our guest that we have today. I am so pleased to welcome our very first guest of the new season, Allie Blair Caplan, who goes by AB for short. AB is a Reiki master, ancestral shaman, y'all, psychic medium, and... A yoga instructor based in Maryland. And she's the founder of Lone Wolf District, which is a community and healing practice that she's been building since 2018 with a mission centered on self-love, wholeness, and bringing more humanity back to how we treat ourselves and each other. Yippie's story is shaped by being biracial. Which is perfect for our show as we talk about these kinds of identities. And that means for her being black and white, but being adopted at Burzen to an entirely white family. I'm super excited to welcome you, A.B. Hello. Thanks for coming to talk with My pleasure.
AB Caplan | 07:49
Us. Hi, thank you for having me.
Shawna | 07:54
Absolutely. Yeah.
So I know I introduced you with all the formalities of who you are and what you do. But given that this show is about identity and how we show up shapes our experiences, but how the external world shapes our experiences based on our identities. Would you just share a little bit about how you personally describe yourself and how you identify here in this space?
AB Caplan | 08:21
Yeah, so I have always walked the line between perceived opposing concepts. I am half of a lot of different things. And all of those different halves make me a whole human.
So I am black and white. I'm half black and half white. I was adopted at birth by an entirely white family, like you said. And in my family, I'm half Jewish and half Catholic. I'm bisexual. I'm half gay and half straight. And because I was adopted, I've got that half nature, half nurture.
So I'm a lot of different things. My identity has always been half of something, part of something. And that was very difficult for a long time until I realized that was kind of my superpower.
Shawna | 09:09
Ooh, say more about that. What makes it a superpower?
AB Caplan | 09:14
Well, what makes it a superpower is that I choose to believe it's a superpower. Otherwise, it would just be crushing pain. But growing up, you know, I was always... To something for someone else, right? I was too black for the white kids, too white for the black kids. I was too gay for the straight kids, but not straight. And it was, I was just always, not enough of one thing because I was half of a lot of things. And so growing up in my teenage years and in my early twenties, it was very lonely because I felt like I didn't really belong anywhere. There was no group of people who wanted to claim me, which is kind of where the whole concept of Lone Wolf District started was, you know, let me create a district of lone wolves where people who feel left out, people who feel like they don't belong, we can come together and be celebrated for our differences and celebrated for our uniqueness instead of being shamed or shunned for it. And so I turned... My pain of loneliness and not fitting in into... A space where I can belong and I can give people opportunities to belong within themselves and within community.
So it's been a very interesting decade and a half of figuring that out.
Shawna | 10:30
No doubt.
Marcel | 10:33
I just want to know what does belonging mean to you? Right.
You know, I think we will have a little different definition of it but have you found it one? And, If so, what does it mean?
AB Caplan | 10:46
Yeah. I think belonging, just like any feeling, can be malleable and can change and adapt depending on the circumstances. I can feel joy in one sense, but I may... Expect or experience greater joy in another, and that concept of joy can change. In this moment, when I think about my definition of belonging, it is feeling a sense of contentment, safety, and joy within myself internally and externally in my surroundings.
Marcel | 11:23
I like that, especially the contentment. Not a lot of people get to that point.
AB Caplan | 11:28
And a journey.
Shawna | 11:29
I actually have a weird relationship with the word contentment. My husband's going to be like, Shana, why did you tell this story? Way back when we were baby newlyweds, you know, I was like super young and insecure. I used to ask him, are you so happy?
Like, you know, and he's like, I'm content. And that used to piss me off. I'm like, you're content. I want you to be happy.
Like, how are you not happy? And he was like, But contentment is better. And I couldn't see it that way until much later in my life when I understood that happiness is an emotion that can be fleeting, but contentment is a state of being. And when you're content and you're settled into that is much more long-term and it's much more grounded, I think.
So I love actually that you included that in your definition because I feel like That's a hard place to get.
AB Caplan | 12:26
To. Yeah. I think for me, contentment is a sustained baseline of joy. And so that's why it in this chapter of my life feels so important to include in the definition of belonging, because we can. Belong in a room full of miserable people, but we're just another miserable person. But to really feel belonging to me means to find some sort of baseline where Joy is kind of like the bottom and we go up from there. And I want to belong in spaces where joy is sustainable.
Marcel | 13:03
Maslow's hierarchy of needs. We're looking at the top. We want to get to that nirvana. We want to get to the self-actualization and I'm jealous because it sounds like you're pushing that.
Shawna | 13:16
Have you ever struggled with belonging? Many of us in this space have.
AB Caplan | 13:21
Yeah. Yeah, I did not belong until I chose to belong within myself.
I mean, that was my whole upbringing. You know, to grow up in an entirely white family with no representation, with no non-white culture, with no validation of a biracial or a mixed or a black identity.
I mean, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere, even with the people who loved me more than life itself. So the concept of belonging, I hold very near and dear to my heart because Loving someone isn't enough to make them feel like they belong.
Shawna | 14:00
Say again.
AB Caplan | 14:01
Loving someone is not enough to make them feel like they belong.
Shawna | 14:06
My.
AB Caplan | 14:07
God. And I still need other things to feel like I belong with them. I don't have a conversation to have.
Shawna | 14:33
I bet. I bet.
So how did you navigate that growing up and then What has that led you to now as an adult?
AB Caplan | 14:43
I think I was very... Ignorant to the difference in race between myself and my family until society showed me I was Black before anything. And that was a very fascinating experience. I was... 18 or 19, I was an adult and I was driving from Maryland to Virginia with some friends. I was under the age of 21. There was alcohol in the car. Honest to God, it was not mine. I was going faster than I should have. A police officer pulled me over. I had to go back and forth from Baltimore to Rappahannock County for an arraignment, for all of these things. I get unsupervised probation and pay whatever fine, and then I get fingerprinted. And this is a question that before the pandemic, I was asked quite literally every day, whether it be at work, someone on the street, a friend, a colleague, an acquaintance. I was asked by this police officer, as I've been asked a million times before, to What are you?
Like I'm not a human being from planet Earth just like you, right? And so my response verbatim, I remember it because it was seared into my brain. I would always say, well, sir, I'm half black and half white, but I was adopted at birth by an entirely white family.
So I think I'm more white. What a such ignorance, right? Such naivety. This officer looked me up and down and he said, you're going to be black today.
And then he fingerprinted me. And that was the moment I realized. No matter how much white privilege or white wealth I am adjacent to, I will always be seen as non-white.
Shawna | 16:26
Holy crap. You're gonna be black today.
AB Caplan | 16:30
- And then he fingerprinted me and sent me on my way.
Shawna | 16:33
Okay. That has so many layers in itself. Yes.
AB Caplan | 16:41
Yeah, that was the day I knew. I was non-white.
Shawna | 16:47
What did that do? To you? What did that.
AB Caplan | 16:50
Happen? It shattered my entire identity.
I mean, it shattered everything I thought I knew about myself. And so from 19 to 32 over the last, yeah, over the last 13 years, I've been figuring out on my own with some mentorship here and there, but for the most part, figuring out solo, what does it mean to be a biracial kid in America? What does it mean to be, Someone who is half black but still claims I'm a black woman. What does that look like? How am I perceived by both black and white people? How am I perceived by other biracial people? What does it look like for me to navigate the world as someone who grew up with white privilege but is seen as non-white?
I mean, it's been, it shattered my entire reality.
Marcel | 17:32
Just culturally from obviously United States and UK that we seek. From law enforcement. Completely differently.
Like the fact that Someone. Has the audacity to say that you're black today. But plus a flippant comment to them. They have no idea how they rocked. Your very core.
So, Did it make you start questioning your interactions moving forwards and historically maybe? Now what? Did you ever start thinking about that? Why something didn't happen for you when you were younger?
And then you go, wow. Was it because they see me as black?
AB Caplan | 18:15
Yeah, it's such a They're like such simple questions and yet so weighted and complex. I don't even know where to begin to answer them, you know? Yeah, I mean, I'm grateful for that officer. I don't know if I would have ever necessarily... Been prompted to seek out my Blackness without having it slapped in my face in that way or in a similar way because I had become accustomed to the life that I lived. And there was always some sort of bridge to gap between how my parents, how my family saw me, and then how the world saw me.
You know, going back to that concept of love, sometimes it's not enough. You know, my parents have always said, and this is something we've talked about, like, you don't see color. They just see their kid. They just see a daughter that they loved to death.
Like, they went out of their way to bring me into their family, and they love me so much. And I... Appreciate that sentiment. And not seeing the difference in our color is harmful regardless of the intention. And so... Navigating that and raising my own awareness of that, trying to raise the awareness of other white people in my life, seeking out Black mentorship as an adult. It's like, hey, older Black woman, can I be your friend and learn from you? That's a very odd topic to try to introduce to somebody.
So it's just... It's been a hell of an adventure navigating being two things that Society tries to pit against each other and to live with both.
Shawna | 19:56
Yeah. So I question Who has the authority to define what blackness is?.. I'm accepted into black communities as a black woman. But I don't always feel Like I'm fully in that space. Have you ever heard of the it's like a card game, Marcel. I don't know if you guys have this over there. It's called Black It's a joke.
AB Caplan | 20:19
Card Revoked. Like you have your black card? I've.
Marcel | 20:22
Heard. Yeah.
Shawna | 20:24
It's a meme. Like when somebody doesn't know something culturally, they're like, give me that card.
You know, like you don't get to hold your black card. But there's actually a game where there's like a stack of cards. Of course there is. I know, right? And... Wish I had it right now. I would read you some. We should Right?
AB Caplan | 20:40
Have played that game together. That would have been fun.
Shawna | 20:43
Right? I mean, if we take a pause, I might go get it. But anyway, it's got like... Phrases that you have to complete the sentence, you know, or who's the answer to that? And it's Black culture. It's Black U.S. Culture. But the thing about that is there's different kinds of Black communities and we might not have all gotten the same thing. There's a lot of stuff. I don't know. Not to mention, I lived out of the U.S. For 15 years.
So then there's that. So I missed a whole lot of stuff.
So people will say, I'm like, well, damn, does that mean I'm not Black enough? Like, can I have my Black card?
Like, can I keep it? Like, you know.
So who is it that decides? What blackness is in the fullness of it. Not to mention, there's different places because of the diaspora where people are Black. And being Black in the Caribbean is different than being Black in California, for example. I don't know. That's what comes up for me.
AB Caplan | 21:37
No, it's such a beautiful concept to think about, you know, and it, It takes me back to just the concept of belonging and there being a sustainable contentment in that. I continue to share my voice about being biracial, speaking for other biracial people, for non-white people. And I had a Black woman come onto my page and say, Something along the lines of we're separate and I need to stay away from her because I'm half white. And so I went to her page and she has three posts up. And the third one was for sharing her ancestry DNA results. She's 25% white.
So I have a passing, quote unquote, passing Black woman who might look to others like she has two fully Black parents. One of her parents is biracial and she's a stranger coming onto my page saying, you're separate and you need to stay away. You need to stay away from us. And so if there was not... A sense of belonging in myself, in my own Blackness that I've cultivated over the last decade or so. That woman and her, this stranger on the internet and her comments as someone who's darker skinned than me could make me feel like I don't belong or like I'm not Black enough for her. But because I've worked very hard to have this consistent sense of contentment within my own self, within my own skin, within my own roots, I Fucker. You don't get to tell me that I'm not black enough for you. What do you mean?
Like, you're doing the ops job for them. You look silly. You're supposed to be looking up to each other.
Like, you're my kin. You look silly right now.
Like, I pray you heal because that's weird coming on the Internet saying that shit to a stranger.
Marcel | 23:18
Are there dulex cards where they're, you know, a dulex - You got a - Not Jurex, I'm gonna make that perfectly clear.
Shawna | 23:25
Break, tell us what that means homie.
Marcel | 23:31
Dulex. So like Dulex is a big paint company here. And you go to your DIY store and you pick up loads of different cards.
AB Caplan | 23:40
Like.
Shawna | 23:41
The paint chips.
Marcel | 23:42
Yeah. Like, when do you start being black? What shade is it? What color?
Shawna | 23:47
What do they call that? The Pantone colors?
Marcel | 23:49
Yes, because you get the Pantone Collar of the Year. Yeah. And I get that a lot. I get that so much. I am... Bored of it I'm like, The amount of times I've had to defend my ethnicity. I remember, I'll always remember this and it was... Colleague who used to turn around and tell me I wasn't black. Why am I lying? He was a friend and he thought he was funny.
And then one day, My mum. Rang. And he said, hey. Got something for you. Is it okay if I drop by at work? And I introduced my mum to him And the first thing I said was, told you what my mum was black And did you just see his face go every single color?
And then he had the audacity afterwards to turn around and go, why did you do that to me? You embarrassed me. For the last couple of years, I've had you tell me. Categorically I had no blackness in me. Thank you. Fact of the matter is that this woman, who I look like, I can't deny it. My features are just the I'm extremely light. The fact of the matter is It's as if constantly you've got to have some kind of proof of your ethnicity. Do you need to have a DNA test to demonstrate your.
Shawna | 25:15
Heritage? And I think In addition to skin color, texturism is a thing. People look at your hair texture to try to figure out, quote, what you are, right?
That she was questioned about her identity because, and I had to deduce this, I believe like her ID, she probably had her hair straightened for her photo? Yep. But in person, her hair was.
AB Caplan | 25:44
Curly. Someone refused to sell me alcohol because of that several years ago because I gave them my school ID, my real ID from Maryland and two credit cards that had my name on it. Wasn't enough. They said, that's not you.
Shawna | 26:00
Because of curly that's why I saw that.
AB Caplan | 26:01
Hair. I'm sorry to cut you off, but... No.
Shawna | 26:05
So she is like, y'all... And this wasn't even for buying alcohol.
Like this was an icy situation. And she's like, how am I supposed to prove I am who I am? Because you don't believe that my hair can be straight or curly depending on like whatever circumstances.
Marcel | 26:31
So AB. I've got to ask the question because obviously you're doing yoga. And there's a lot of people who are questioning about like the, authenticity of people who do yoga and practice it, but especially those who present on, say, YouTube. Who aren't Asian. No, because yoga comes from South Asia. Do you find yourself having to defend a lot of the stuff that you do, especially as someone who's Next.
AB Caplan | 26:58
I've never found that I need to defend myself my role in any yogic space I find myself in. If I'm being honest with you, and I can only speak for myself, but just thinking back over my last... Two years of daily practice, you know, 200 hour yoga teacher training, and now teaching multiple times a week online and in person. A yoga studio, a good yoga studio, my yoga studio that I go to is probably the one place in the world where my race doesn't matter. And that's, and as I say that out loud, that's not the experience of everybody. But the space that I practice in and that I teach in and that I trained in to become a yoga instructor. It's run by two white women. And they are two of the most aware and understanding and liberatory human beings I've ever met. There were Two times. One specific time in my yoga teacher training where, as one of the few people of color, I felt the need to speak up against white privilege in a predominantly white room.
Marcel | 28:09
-
AB Caplan | 28:10
I was encouraged to do that. I felt like it was safe to do that. There was one person that didn't receive it in the way I would have liked, but that's okay. But I find that My biracial-ness. Almost brings a sense of safety to other people regardless of their race. To see someone who's not white teaching. And one, not white, and two, not the traditional size of a yoga instructor teaching at the front. I find that my presence is, specifically in yoga spaces, makes people feel safe. And that's something I'm very proud of. I don't at all know if I even answered your.
Marcel | 28:45
Question. I think you did. The fact of the matter is that in the UK. We are still challenging and having to accept that cultural appropriation is a thing Like if you ask, British community what is the national dish It's a chicken tikka masala. Not even a real dish in India. It's just something which has came over here and has been created for the British community and their taste buds. But the fact is that built on the root styles age and culture which came over here Bought it at town and started to realise that British people love a good curry.
So, cultural appropriation and appreciation sometimes could be a fine line.
Shawna | 29:35
I agree with that. Totally.
Marcel | 29:37
How do you ensure that with what you're doing you appreciate rather than appropriate.
Shawna | 29:45
Who are you giving credit to? I used to belly dance. And I loved it. And... My teacher was Amazing. And she made us learn the history of the music we were listening to. We had to sit and analyze the drum patterns and all of those things before we were even allowed to do one movement. Right. But there was one point along the way where a friend of mine and I who was doing this together, we decided that we were cute and we were going to do this on our own.
So we did our own little belly dance show. It's called a Havla. And our teacher found out and reamed us. She was a white woman teaching this class, very appreciative in the knowledge of teaching it. And We For the most part, we're following that lead. But then for a moment, and I only say for a moment because we were gathered quickly. For a moment, we customized it. We were... Dressing up and playing belly dance versus... Appreciating the culture and the history and all the things that go with it that are beautiful. And that was a very hard story for me to tell originally because I was ashamed of it, you know? But I think that's where the line is. It's like, are you truly appreciating or are you cosplaying?
AB Caplan | 31:04
Yeah. For me, you know... There are really two rules that I live by. Work with integrity and work with pure intentions. And if you work with integrity and pure intention, To me, you can do no wrong. You may mess some things up. You may hurt somebody's feelings. But if your integrity is intact and you're moving with pure intention, at the end of the day, I trust that everything will work out. And as you speak and as you share that, really vulnerable and really powerful story, it makes me want to add a third rule there, right? This integrity, this pure intention, and then the wisdom of our elders.
So specifically in this yoga teacher training that I went through, like, We had very comprehensive training and we were given by three white women, really beautiful and diverse foundation. So it was not appropriation and it was appreciation and it was wisdom that we could embody. And so we had. I think with yoga teacher training, you need like 12 hours of anatomy. We read this entire book, The Key Muscles of Yoga, and had 50 hours of anatomy. We read Yolk by Jessamyn Stanley, who is a Black woman who is a non-traditional looking yogi and Bringing in Black voices when we were led by three white women was very powerful. We have the Bhagavad Gita, the wisdom of this. We have Light on Yoga by Iyengar. He's a very powerful name in the concept of yoga. The sutras of Puntanjali, like we really got into that. Where did this even come from? And how did we as three white women who run a yoga studio, how were we even given the wisdom needed to pass this on appropriately?
Like it's the integrity, it's the pure intention, and it's the willingness to learn from our elders and learn from people that don't look like us.
Shawna | 33:03
- I know integrity is like big for you, Marcel. You've talked about.
Marcel | 33:07
That. Yeah.
Yeah. It sometimes can be crippling. You've got an opportunity to do something and even though no one else will know, you will. And that's such a key thing. All right. There are so many people who will, there isn't an eye on them. They'll take responsibility, take credit for things. You've clearly done the work there, A and B. But like you said, there's a minimum requirement of 12 hours. And that's me.
Yeah, I believe so. That's integrity. To me, that's that. I didn't do the minimum that was required. I did what is required to be good and to pass it on. And that's not a lot of people in society today.
Shawna | 33:51
Yeah. Well, and what you just said and to pass it along, that speaks to that third piece you brought in, Aby, the being an elder, right, is someone who has the wisdom to pass it on.
AB Caplan | 34:02
Yeah. I find that Especially in America right now, we have a lot of people who are in positions of power that they've either bestowed upon themselves or have not done the work to sustain from an integrity standpoint, from a pure intention standpoint, from an elder standpoint. I guess I say that to say that. When we talk about race and we talk about being biracial and finding this balance and duality, The way that we carry ourselves and the honesty that we carry with ourselves is important. That honesty can change the world, I believe.
Shawna | 34:35
Amen to that. No.
I would love to know a little bit more about your healing spaces. And I would like to know what it means to you specifically, given your identity journey.
AB Caplan | 34:57
Yeah. I mean, you listed out all of these different roles and labels that I had in the beginning of the show, right? I'm a Reiki master, I'm a shaman, I'm clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient, I'm a tarot reader, I'm a yoga instructor, I offer one-on-one spiritual counsel, like everything. I've built up all of these different names and titles and labels. One being a shaman, really just to say I'm a decent human being that is here to help save the world. That is, to world.
Shawna | 35:23
Me, what being a shaman is. She is saving the.
AB Caplan | 35:27
You know, and I don't at all say that from an ego standpoint or like a martyr standpoint or a God complex or a white savior standpoint. But I do believe if enough of us believe that we can change the world, then we actually will.
Shawna | 35:41
Preach.
AB Caplan | 35:42
So as a shaman, my job is to help any individual that comes across my path in whatever way makes the most sense in any given moment.
Marcel | 35:53
Okay.
AB Caplan | 35:54
That means I walk the world with an open heart and a curious mind, and I sometimes overstep for the greater good. That's what being a shaman is. A great example. I had a new person in my yoga class last week. We finished the class in person. I went up to her and I said, at the risk of completely overstepping my bounds, I just want to tell you that I'm proud of you. I don't know what you've been going through, but something is telling me that You just need to know that I'm proud of you and you're doing a great job and you're almost there. That was last Thursday. She came in on Tuesday and said, hey. Just wanted to let you know, I really needed to hear that because I've been waiting for three months to hear back from this job and I just got the acceptance letter. Fantastic. Thank you for the confirmation that Me stepping out of my bounds was a good job. And as a shaman who just saw a stranger and heard something that she needed something, I did my job. That was Tuesday. She comes in today. She was not signed up for my yoga class. I said to myself this morning, I'm going to see this woman again. I have something for her. She comes in and says, hey, I didn't sign up.
Yeah, I know. We're supposed to see each other. And again, I'm overstepping my bounds because I'm here in the capacity of just a traditional yoga instructor, but... I am a shaman by birth and by trade. I don't just get to take off my shaman hat because I'm playing a different role. And so she came in, I signed her in and I said, Hey, You're scheduled to get a haircut in the next two weeks before your first day, right? Yes.
Shawna | 37:27
Okay, cool. And you're.
AB Caplan | 37:30
Going to get a maroon colored sweater for your first day, right? Yeah, I did get this bluish maroon pantsuit. Okay, cool. Because I just keep seeing M.A. For you. Maroon Marshalls Macy's.
Something there. And it was the most beautiful thing for her to be...
So affirmed, so validated, so confused, so surprised and so grateful all at the same time. Yeah, you're supposed to be here confirming you got your haircut. Make sure you wear the right pantsuit for yourself on your first day. And it's like, What a weird story to share, right? But as a shaman... That is part of my job. Another example is today I had my yoga class that just happened.
And then in between finishing yoga there and starting with you here, I did a distanced aura I did it in my car and I'm going to send it to her later.
Shawna | 38:26
Reading. You did this like virtually?
AB Caplan | 38:30
Yeah.
Shawna | 38:32
So Marcel and I are sitting here and you can read our.
AB Caplan | 38:35
Auras? 100%.
Yeah. What I do is science. And I recognize that we've been taught God and science, spirituality and science are not the same thing, but they are. What I do is energy work.
Yeah. Energy is not confined to time or space.
Shawna | 38:49
Have you guys read or do you read Dan? What's his name? Dan Brown. Yes, Tamara.
Yeah. Have you read his new book? It's called The Secret of Secrets. Y'all. Okay, without spoilers, because I don't know who out there has read it and who hasn't and who wants to. There is an underlying theme of consciousness. In this book, and tapping into that consciousness and it being ever present. And that's all I will say. But when you talk about this, like, it feels like you have antenna and you're a receiver. Yes.
And then you transmit what you've received.
AB Caplan | 39:32
Yes. My job is to bridge the gap between the human world and every world around us. My job is to read people's souls and share with their human on their soul's behalf.
Shawna | 39:44
Okay, so I'm sitting here thinking. Look. You can see Marcel's face is like, my God. Okay.
Yeah. There was a movie in the 90s, I think it was, called What Women Want. It was with Mel, wasn't Mel Gibson?
Marcel | 39:59
Mel Gibson. Get to execute it.
Yeah. And you can read women's minds.
Yeah.
Shawna | 40:04
That's right. That is the movie. Right. And I think about that and I think about Bruce Almighty with Jim Carrey. This idea where you're in a position or these characters are in a position where they are privy to information. That. Other people don't have and like other people don't know what's going on, right? And how on one hand, it could be interesting to be able to tap into this, but maybe like burdensome in some way. I'm wondering. I'm going to mess up. Okay, jump in. Tell me what you're thinking.
Marcel | 40:39
Okay, so, AB, do you find yourself being able to... Leave a room or a place where you can feel someone is in pain you can leave that room.
Shawna | 40:51
What do you tell them or do you just...
AB Caplan | 40:55
It's a case by case. And this is why trying to explain shamanism can be so difficult because every human being is different. And so every scenario I find myself in with human beings is different. And yes, as shamans, as someone who I see, I hear, I feel. I'm clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient.
So every otherworldly ability you can have, you pretty much have in one body, right? But you're like privy of things before sometimes even the person... Themselves knows about it. And that's why integrity and pure intention and the capacity for eldership are important. Non-negotiables for me in my life. I don't think I would be given the ability to do these things if I didn't have the responsibility to go along with.
Marcel | 41:42
Them. Wow. One thing about the British culture is people ask you, are you all right? And the expected answer is, yeah, I'm cool. It's fine. I don't get that. I get people write down on me. And tell me their life story. How, what have I done? What have I done to instill this ability to allow people to just tell me everything and I've met them once maybe.
AB Caplan | 42:06
Because there's something within you that shares or says to the world, to the universe, to strangers on the street, hey, I'm a decent human being with the capacity for your pain in ways that other people don't. That's what separates me as a shaman is I have the, I have great capacity to sit with pain. Because I've been through a lot of pain.
Shawna | 42:28
You have a big container.
AB Caplan | 42:30
Yeah, and I've been meditating for 2,000 consecutive days. I'm really good at sitting with my shit.
Yeah, I'm proud of that. And because I can sit with myself, I know how to sit with others. And so, Marcel, you've done something in this lifetime or the one before that said, hey, I have the capacity for your stuff.
So bring it over here. We'll sift through it together.
Shawna | 42:55
I do believe that there's signals we put out, too. Like, you probably are putting that signal out. I was mentioning my daughter going with me to New York for this event recently. And she was like, Mom, because everywhere we would go, like, people would talk to me. People do tell me their stories, Marcel. Clearly, I'm a talker anyway. But I was like, damn, there must be something I'm broadcasting. And it's especially with kids, especially with children. And I always say like, it's because I was an elementary school teacher.
You know, I still have the teacher face or whatever it is. One of my favorite stories, Marcel, since you talked about that, I'll share this. My husband was in some shoe shop buying shoes, but it was like a men's store. I wasn't interested. I was playing my New York Times wordle game or whatever, sitting on a chair while he was shopping. This random child said, maybe seven. Maybe six. Sat on my lap. I do not know this kid. And I was like, hey, kid. And he's like, hi. And his mom was like, like whatever the kid's name is, we'll call him. Billy, I don't know. Billy, get over here. And he was like, no. And I said, okay, well, this is what we try to do. I need a five letter word.
You know, I started like hanging with this kid. My husband is at the counter, turns around to ask my opinion. And he's like, what the hell?
Like, and I was like, I don't know. I you I don't know.
Marcel | 44:18
Just got to shrug.
Shawna | 44:22
So Billy, we'll call him, hung out with me until his mom was like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And I was like, I mean, it's cool. We were buying shoes. But those are the things, especially with children. It's so interesting. But that's the boldest one that's ever happened to me is this kid coming to sit on my lap.
AB Caplan | 44:38
I love that story. I mean, again, like I said, what I do is science. From an energetic, from a scientific standpoint, every single thing in this world is operating on a certain vibrational frequency. And so we do scientifically send out and emit these frequencies and things on similar frequencies or different ones. Attract to us or we attract them and then we interact with those frequencies. We interact with those energies in different ways depending on where we are in that state.
Shawna | 45:11
I find it so fascinating. Yeah.
I think one of the things, A.B., that's got me sort of tripped up is the virtual part, because I can imagine these frequencies, right? In my head, I'm imagining the waves, like, even when we don't... See them? But we can feel them and experience them. And I feel like it happens in person. I'm just like, how the heck could she do that long distance? I'm just curious about it. What have you learned about yourself? Being a shaman and being in this healing space.
AB Caplan | 45:47
I think the biggest thing I've learned from myself, and this ties into the virtual part, is... When you have enough evidence, you have to stop second guessing what you know. Okay. I am confident in my ability to do a virtual Reiki session whether through Zoom live or a distance one where I do it in my own time and then send a 10-page report, I'm confident in my ability to do that because I have enough evidence that what I do is real. What have I learned? Trust yourself. And when you have enough evidence, you just have to stop second guessing what you know.
Shawna | 46:27
As a coach, I am loving that. That is one of the things that I talk about with my clients when they are struggling with confidence or negative self-talk. I asked them, what's the evidence?
Yeah. What's the evidence? There's stuff that you can have a feeling about, but there are things that are irrefutable. What do you know to be true? And so I love that you said that. That's awesome.
Marcel | 46:51
I'm imagining... Words, imposter syndrome don't come into your vocabulary You just know who you are. And if you could bottle that and you could sell it, you'd be the richest person in the world.
AB Caplan | 47:05
Thank you.
Shawna | 47:06
And could you sell me some?
Marcel | 47:08
Yeah, I'm going to mock.
AB Caplan | 47:09
It. It took a very long time for me to get here. And I am still human. I do still question myself. But most days out of the week, I choose to believe in myself because if I don't, then how can I convince you to?
Shawna | 47:26
Yeah. Well said.
Marcel | 47:31
Well, I'm going to do some sound healing on Sunday. And I'm now exceptionally looking forward to it. I was like, ooh. I'm not sure about this thing.
You know, never really got stepped into that place before. I'm like, you know what? I'm looking forward to.
AB Caplan | 47:46
That. You want to have a fun little experiment before we close? I'll try to make it brief if we've got time. We Yes.
Shawna | 47:51
Have time. Go for it.
AB Caplan | 47:54
When you say you don't really know how this distance to energy reading thing works. So I'm in Baltimore. Marcel, you're in the UK. I can tell by your accent.
Marcel | 48:03
Birmingham, second city.
AB Caplan | 48:04
Love it. Okay, beautiful.
So from Baltimore to Birmingham... When I tap into you, Marcel, it's like, You're 90% curious, 10% hesitant. And I will happily take that with everything that I have going on over here. And when you talk about this Sunday experience of the sound healing, I would love to just encourage you to go to it with an open heart and a curious mind as like with all things. But when I tap into you specifically, I feel a lot of stuff in your solar plexus, which is where your gut is. And I feel some in your sacral chakra, which is regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, we all have an energetic womb space. I have a feeling if you give yourself permission to just open up to the experience and let yourself just feel your shit, I have a feeling eight year old version of you and 13 year old version of you are going to come out to play. They have some things they want to share with you. And I'm feeling something around 13 to 16 year old you touching base with some sort of, I don't want to say necessarily mother wound, but something around feminine energy, maybe not necessarily your mother, but whoever played that role at that age. And so I have a feeling if you allow it to be Sunday can be a very healing experience for you. What are your thoughts?
Marcel | 49:33
Yeah, that's close to, very close to home, like very close. All right. To the point where my eyes are like a little bit watery on that one because it's you probably have no idea Like when you first of all have those ages, I'm like, I don't want to go there.
AB Caplan | 49:54
I know, that's why I stopped.
Marcel | 49:56
I don't want to go, but. When you said about weather energy and heating outside. There's a lot which I need to do about that and I'm working on it. Don't get me wrong.
AB Caplan | 50:07
And if you hear my verbiage, I said, if you give yourself permission to open up, because there's, first of all, that pain's not going anywhere, right? There's no rush. We can deal with it in this lifetime or the next. We got all the time in the world, right? But if you want to move through that stuff this weekend, Sunday is a beautiful opportunity to do so. And so that is what it's like to be a shaman.
Marcel | 50:34
Wow.
Shawna | 50:35
I love that. From the coach perspective, We talk a lot about shift in energy. And the shift. The very visual shift that you made, Marcel. It made me like open my mouth like, what? Because I saw it in you. It was like so fast. That was amazing.
AB Caplan | 50:54
And here's the thing. I would have never done that had I not gotten your soul's permission. Because I don't really deal with the human beings. I do soul energetic work. I am here to share things on behalf of your soul that your human is now ready to hear. And had you been closed, had I hear your soul say, not today, we're not ready. I would have kept my mouth shut. I can be privy to whatever I want and not share. But something said, no, now is the time to share that. And so had I not gotten permission from you, our ending would have been much different. And that's why integrity is so important. And any energy worker, any quote unquote healer that does not hold themselves to a very high level of integrity. Quite honestly, does not deserve a place in your life. There's a very big responsibility when we are dealing with people's souls.
Shawna | 51:49
There are so many things you've said today that I just want to write down and just put around my house. You said... I don't deal with the people. I deal with the That helps me get it.
AB Caplan | 51:58
Souls. That's why I don't need to be live one-on-one. I'm not dealing with the human. I'm working with the souls.
Shawna | 52:05
Yeah. Fascinating.
Marcel | 52:09
♪.
Shawna | 52:24
I feel like because there's so many ways to identify, There are so many voices that need to be heard, which is why I love the show and I love hearing people share their experiences and so on. So one of the ways that I thought we could bring in even more voices is Mixed Messages Archive. Those of you listening, you could find this on social media as well, but I have one for us to consider today. This mixed message came from someone who responded to a post on LinkedIn last week, and I thought I would share the quote as we do. And it doesn't have to be something that you have personally experienced. I just want to know what comes up for you.
So I'll read it. And then, Aby, I'd like you to say what comes up for you.
And then, Marcel, what comes up for you, if that's all right? Yeah. Okay. Here is this mixed message. It says this. Whom I only just discovered via my 14 years of genealogy research. Now, I have spoken to the British family And I have pictures.
AB Caplan | 53:22
What comes up for me immediately is thoughts of my birth father and the struggles that around genealogy for me. So I shared, I was adopted at birth by an entirely white family, but I was the product of a one-night stand, and my birth father does not know I exist. What makes my adoption different than others is we had an open adoption.
So I wrote letters to my birth mom back and forth until I was 17. And then her and my mom decided either when I turned 18 or when I graduated high school, I could meet her if I wanted to. And so when I was 17 and I graduated high school, I met my birth mom. I was shown the birth one bedroom apartment I would have grown up in instead of the million dollar home that I did. And we spoke a little bit about my birth father and all that I know is all that she knows. And all that she knows is that he was black. His name was Willie and he was in the military. I know three things about this man. And God knows I have tried through mostly Ancestry.com to try to find him. But Without a full name or location, it's been very difficult.
So... Just my own struggles in trying to identify my birth father is immediately what comes up when I hear that.
Shawna | 54:36
Yeah.
AB Caplan | 54:37
Yeah.
Shawna | 54:38
Thanks for sharing that.
AB Caplan | 54:39
-
Marcel | 54:41
My biological father passed away when I was 11 and told. So I know nothing about him. I just know that I've have a middle name, which was his first name. He used to be my elder Belgian passport. Because he Thanks, Baljin. And that's pretty much it. My mum, I think it was box that off in her mind. She can't tell me a lot. She was married to this man. It hit her so hard that she doesn't remember anything. Really? Or she does she can't come to speak about it so I did ancestry.com and my largest singular ethnic marker Ashkenazi Jew, which I had no idea about. None at all. Obviously, I've got loads of Bantu because my mom's African. I've got East and West. You add them all up and there's a large amount of Bantu in there. Jewish? I didn't see that coming. And I have no idea about that half of my family. Biological father's half the family I go on Ancestry.com and I've got cousins. Cousins in Israel, I've got a cousin in America, And that's the Jewish side of my family. Wow. And it's just like, Does it matter where you've come from to tell you where you're going to go? Thanks. Has that changed me as an individual? No. I don't think it had too much. Getting some answers that way. I'm still the person who I am today. I'm still going to lead with integrity. I'm still going to try and help people if I have the capacity to do so. And you know whilst i appreciate what that person's shared with you shauna that they've got pictures but it shouldn't change too much. It could add to it. We should never detract. You can add value, but that shouldn't change who that person is.
Shawna | 56:43
Thank you both for participating in Mixed Messages, but this conversation. I love this time. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You've already mentioned the amazing things that you do, but I'd love to leave the listeners with where they can learn more about Lone Wolf and how they can find a sense of belonging with the things that you do and offer.
AB Caplan | 57:01
Yeah. Your listeners can find me on Instagram, Facebook, our website, lonewolfdistrict.com.
Shawna | 57:09
I'll be putting it in the show All right.
Speaker 5 | 57:10
Notes too.
Shawna | 57:13
Thank you both. Look, I look forward to next time. This ain't even a goodbye.
AB Caplan | 57:17
I know. We have so much more to discuss. We truly do.
Marcel | 57:19
Yes, we do.
Shawna | 57:21
All right. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.
Speaker 5 | 57:36
For so many moments in this conversation that made me Stoppin'. Tasty. Say that again. Highlight, bold, underline, put it in italics, whatever you gotta do. But one of the things that really stayed with me is AB's reminder that Love. And good intentions aren't always enough. That's a tough one to swallow because We always think that love is enough, or if we're just good people and we have good intentions, that that's enough. But it's true that care without integrity, without responsibility, that can still leave people unsafe or unseen. And that trusting what you know sometimes means sitting with discomfort instead of rushing towards easy answers. I keep thinking about the timing of this conversation. With everything happening right now, with people feeling scared, overwhelmed, and unsure about what's coming next, especially here in the United States, it can feel like the ground keeps shifting under our feet. The noise is loud. The uncertainty is so heavy and a lot of folks are carrying real fear in their bodies. What I appreciated so much about this conversation is that it didn't offer escape We need that sometimes. We do need escape. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But this particular conversation offered grounding, evidence, the reminder that tending to ourselves to our nervous systems is not a luxury right now. It's a way of staying human when things feel out of control. If you'd like to learn more about A.B. And the work she's doing through Lone Wolf District, check out the show notes. I've linked her work there so you can explore it further. And if you'd like to learn more about my work, you can find me at truecultureconsulting.com. Where you can sign up for updates about my upcoming book, Mixed Signals. Don't forget to follow the show and don't forget to follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok. Lots of fun and interesting things get posted there too. Thank you so much for being here, for being part of this community. Until next time. Stay curious. Stay connected and keep embracing your true colors. Spread the love, y'all. I'll talk to you soon.
OUTRO TAG (JASON) | 59:53
You've been listening to Our True Colors.