Ever wondered how to sprinkle a little Eurovision sparkle onto your Christmas playlist? Tune in and join the merry mayhem as we explore the latest holiday hits from our favorite Eurovision stars, from Teya and Selena's cheeky "Ho Ho Ho" to Subwoofer's macabre "I Think I Killed Rudolph". Plus, we can barely contain our excitement as we drop tantalizing teasers about what’s in store for Eurovision 2024. From the call for volunteers at Malmo to a comedic suggestion for coping with the relentless march of time, we’re packing this episode with good cheer and a dash of existential musing. And don't forget, your input is crucial! Should our next episode gift-wrap an early present, or provide a Christmas Day escape? Your holiday season, your call!
Ever wondered how to sprinkle a little Eurovision sparkle onto your Christmas playlist? Tune in and join the merry mayhem as we explore the latest holiday hits from our favorite Eurovision stars, from Teya and Selena's cheeky "Ho Ho Ho" to Subwoofer's macabre "I Think I Killed Rudolph". Plus, we can barely contain our excitement as we drop tantalizing teasers about what’s in store for Eurovision 2024. From the call for volunteers at Malmo to a comedic suggestion for coping with the relentless march of time, we’re packing this episode with good cheer and a dash of existential musing. And don't forget, your input is crucial! Should our next episode gift-wrap an early present, or provide a Christmas Day escape? Your holiday season, your call!
Hello and welcome back to the Duis Pois Christmas. Ho ho, ho, ho, ho ho. Yes, as we march so much closer through the Christmas season, that means we are getting closer and closer to Eurovision. Yay, the festive time is upon us and if you go to visit friends, if you go to visit family, they're going to want to put on the Christmas tunes. You know what you need. You need a way to sneak in a little bit of Eurovision into your Christmas tune party. First, off the rank, we actually have Tia and Selena. You will remember them last year, for they performed for Austria with who the hell is Edgar? Oh my lord, they know how to cash in on a winning strategy. They have not gone far from their proud favourite song at all. Basically, all they've done is they've replaced Po Po Po, po, po, po, po, po Po Po with oh, very controversial, different mixing it up. Why would we, when we can just sing ho ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho? That's right. They've released a song called Ho Ho Ho. It is a homage to the wonderful, the often neglected, rarely sung about, mrs Santa Claus. It's a great song, it's hilarious. Content warning though it does mention some adult private parts. So before you put it on. I guess it depends on your grandma. If your grandma doesn't mind a good dick joke, then she will absolutely love this song. If she's going to put your head in the sink, spray water on you, try to baptise you for your sin, I don't know, maybe just pop the headphones in. But the real winner for you sick bastards out there and I know our heavy metal horror first place always goes to Lordy's Merry Blah, blah Blah. But you know what? This year we actually have a new contender. Subwoofer brought their horror game last year when they released Having Grandma here for Christmas, whereas Big Bad Wolves they do allude to eating grandma, and not in the sexy way. Again, I guess it depends on your grandma how she's going to take it. But this year, oh, they have one up to themselves. They have even one up to Lordy With their new song I think I killed Rudolph. Let me say that again, subwoofer's new Christmas song released this year. I think I killed Rudolph. It's pretty much exactly what it says on the packaging. It's a song about them driving home for Christmas and possibly killing Rudolph, the Red Rove reindeer. It gets even better if you're thinking what the it actually comes from.
Speaker 1:
The 2023. Just Release from the horror slash Christmas movie, which we all know is the two genres that we absolutely love when they come together. It's horror meets Christmas. In the movie, there's something in the barn. I think it's something all the Europeans will like. It's about some gnomes, slash elves People that live in the barn.
Speaker 1:
They have some very strict conditions. They don't like you going into their barn. They don't like you messing with their barn. They also don't like loud lights. They also don't like loud sounds. Enter Americans, as an American family inherit the house with said barn in Norway and they make the trek to Norway and then, of course, counter clash as the Americans try to adapt to their new life in Norway and Norway readies itself for the Americans. So here we go. Europe, this one is just for you. If you like to see Americans getting their ass kicked by gnomes and elven people, this is the movie for you. I haven't actually seen it yet. I'm going to try and watch it this week and we'll come back with a review, but Subwoofer has actually made it to the soundtrack for the film.
Speaker 1:
If you decide you don't want to go full horror comedy this year, that's all right. You can stick with a little bit of traditional Christmas joy. Of course we've still got Dari Freya with something magical, with just his delightfully happy and delicious Dari way. We also have Sirhat, of course, from Adrenalina. She's just done a recent version of Jesus. What a wonderful child.
Speaker 1:
I have to be honest, full disclosure. I was very upset. I was really hoping for Flo Ryder to pump up in the middle. Yo yo, baby Jesus, baby Jesus, whoop, whoop. No, it didn't happen. Sad, I have to be honest. Another song disappointed me. Oh man, oh man, okay man. You'll remember him from Poland with his song River. They mean down, down, down to the river. And what is wrong? Love that song, have that song on repeat.
Speaker 1:
When I saw that he had released a sexy Christmas song, I had to tune in straight away. The song is called Christmas vibes. I was all on board until he started telling me to smile more. There's nothing a woman hates more than being told to smile more. Just a little bit of information for your future songs. So I departed that one. That one is not for me.
Speaker 1:
But if you want sweet, you want Christmas, you want traditional magical winter wonderland, then of course you can't go past Il Volo. Of course they have released a billion Christmas songs. You can find them all over the internet, all over Spotify. Also, if you want something to make your mom happy and you know this is going to make your mom happy Alexander Ryback. He has a whole Christmas album. You can find it. It's all over Spotify, it's all over all the streams. There's a lot of baby, it's gold outside and, most importantly, he brings a violin to Christmas. And more could you want? If that other thing that you could possibly want could be info on Eurovision 2024, look no further. We are about to unbox that present for you. Now. If you've been on the internet at all this week, your dreams would have been absolutely flooded with this gentleman.
Speaker 1:
I know as soon as I upped it was just bam, bam, bam bam, picture after picture after the same gentleman, as everyone started screaming. We got him, we got Ollie Alexander, and if you're anything like me, I had to Google who is Ollie Alexander. Now, I don't mean that as a diss. That's not in any way a diss to Ollie Alexander. I honestly had no idea who Ollie Alexander was. If you don't know who Ollie Alexander is, let me tell you who he is. He is a 33 year old gent. Oh, and the reason everyone is saying Ollie Alexander is because he will be representing the UK at Eurovision 2024. He's 33 years old. He started he was the lead singer of a band called Years and Years. He also is an actor and went on to play.
Speaker 1:
From what I can, what the internet tells me, it's a bit of a cult hit show with a bit of a cult following. It's called it's a Sin, in which he played Richie Taser. The series follows a group of young men from the period of 1981 to 1991, living in the absolute, terrifying peak of the HIV AIDS crisis world worldwide, and it focuses on how they deal with that threat and its impact that it has on them and their daily lives. Cult following the read up it actually sounds like it's actually really good viewing, so I actually think I'm going to go and check this out in 2020. Clearly, online magazine named him as one of the top 50 heroes leading the nations towards equality, acceptance and dignity for all people. Oh, how awesome is that.
Speaker 1:
He's also done some work. He worked with the Pet Shop Boys International singing sensation group. It's a sin. West End Girls he actually did a cover of their song. It's a Sin to coincide, obviously, with the TV series. It's a Sin.
Speaker 1:
The boy has a great set of lungs on him. I got to be honest, it's not my type of music. I sort of I went and was looking up his name songs that he had released under his name and through the band. The boy can definitely sing, but it's just that bit too soft, harmless pop that I'm not into, of course, unless you're a Tio and you're shitting about cheesecake Not my cup of tea but I know there's going to be a lot of young teeny bops who are going to get on board, a lot of people who like that type of thing. I mean, look at Lorraine, she took out the win with her harmless pop. So you know it's a winning strategy. And he comes with a cult following, so that definitely has to be an advantage.
Speaker 1:
Other countries have selected their representative. Eco will represent Czech Tia. She's 23. She's competing with the song Pedestal Now. She spent the last few years living, recording and performing in England, is very much looking forward to the opportunity to represent her home country in Eurovision. I always find that that's a very bizarre when they publish a comment like that. Of course you're like honored and excited and happy to be representing your country at the biggest song contest in the world. Who isn't happy and excited and proud and looking forward to that opportunity? Unless we start doing it hunger game style and we're just randomly pulling names out of a hat and you know you're definitely afraid of crowds and you can't sing, then maybe I could understand if you weren't excited about the chance to represent your country at the Eurovision song contest. But there's singers. They live for it. This is their jam. Of course they're on board with it.
Speaker 1:
Singer Raven will represent Slovenia with Veronica. She is a singer, singer, harpist and person that generally needs to just calm down and stop excelling at everything. Some of us over here and just, you know, trying to get by. You know we try to use chopsticks now and then. We're not very good, but we try. We try to fit in some yoga when she can. You know we're just happy if we don't fall asleep on the couch before 10. Okay, we can't all be on cocaine, living a life and excelling and you know what. Sometimes just putting pants on is winning enough. So calm down.
Speaker 1:
Raven from Slovenia. But she's a singer, songwriter and harpist. Now this woman has a bit of a cult following in her country and this has to do with the competitions to compete at Eurovision, because this poor woman keeps coming back to these national finals and keeps getting pipped at the post. In 2016, she competed and came second. She came back the next year, in 2017. She competed, came third. 2019, come back again and come second again. So now here we are, four years later, she's come back and she will be representing her country Finally. Oh, you know what? I think that should just be a rule. If you just show up enough times with enthusiasm, you know what you get to that point. Give him a crack, give him a shot. What have you got to lose? I'm actually excited. I love her dedication to getting to Eurovision and I'm so happy for her that she is finally going to get her opportunity, although heaven knows when she is going to find time between the singing, the songwriting, the harping oh, and did I mention she also studies gymnastics and opera?
Speaker 1:
Calm down, raven, calm down. You're literally making every other person on the planet look bad. Not only you're making us look bad, you're making us feel tired. Stop it. Stop it. Just do less things. Or you know what? At least do one thing that you really crap at. That'll make us feel better about ourselves.
Speaker 1:
That's where I used to be able to party all night and then I would just rest my head for like half an hour on a milk crate and I could get up and go do a full day of work and then get back to the partying. Do you want to know what I did tonight? I ate some vegan fake fried chicken and then fell asleep on my couch at like 730 at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Opera, gymnastics and representing Eurovision. I ate something a bit fatty and fell asleep, but you know, anyhoo, the important thing is I put pants on, I brushed my hair, I left the house and you know what? That's still a win. If you really want to get hands on and dirty at Eurovision 2024 this year, then you need to pay attention to this.
Speaker 1:
Malamo, malmo, mateo Malamo, there's calling for volunteers to help assist them at the Eurovision Song Contest. They've actually put the call out saying there are 600 volunteer positions. Oh my lord, let somebody have a job. There's going to be 600 volunteers, they say. The positions will range from everything from guiding people around from, say, the tram stops to the venue, to helping with decorations. So I don't know if you've got some really good lungs. Give Swedish TV a call. I think they have about 8,000 balloons they may need doing up. So if you've got some spare time and some spare breath in your lungs, give them a call. Oh, we can't forget. I almost forget and by almost forget I mean I almost forget to turn over the page for the next bit of news, and that news that Cyprus has picked its performer and once again it has decided. You know what this situation needs. You know what Eurovision 2024 needs More Australians, that's right. They've come all the way to Australia to find their competitor. But again, cyprus, greece. The largest populations of Greece, of Greeks and Cypriots, I believe, living outside of their home countries, are actually found here in Australia. They've called on Celia Kippus, born and raised in Sydney.
Speaker 1:
In 2022, she released her debut song, who Am I, she wrote at 12. 12? What she wrote at 12. Who am I? Who am I? You're someone who wears overalls and watches the Transformers. That's who you are at age 12. Calm down. She was born on the 5th of December 2006. She's what. She was born in 2006 and she is now competing at Eurovision 2024. That's right, she's 17. Oh, my brain can't even comprehend that. Just take a moment. Someone born in 2006, which my brain is still registering in the future In my brain. We are still waiting for that countdown to the year 2000, when they said all the clocks and the computers would stop working 2006. She's a fetus. Well, a fetus will be representing Cyprus at Eurovision 2024.
Speaker 1:
The last song that she's released in 2022, she released the song Night Out, was released, ironically, when she was 16 years old and not old enough to go out and be drinking and dancing and clubbing. But some of the lyrics to this song include I'll give you my affection. You're 16. Calm down. You don't need to be giving affection to anybody. That's not a pet or a poster of George Michael. What the hell are you doing? Oh my Lord. And you know what? Fyi to everyone out there If you're 16. And people who are old enough to be in a club and I'm talking about people in their 20s and their 30s If they start giving you sexy time attention, it's not because they see the mature and developed person that you are. You know you're more mature than your friends, who don't just get it. No, you're not old enough to realize they are a sex predator. And they're after you, because everyone they're on age can see the red flags and their bullshit. Don't get me wrong. We're going to sneak into clubs. That's fine, we've all done it. But watch your drinks and don't go giving your affection a 20 and 30 year old. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:
Well, this is an interesting episode. We started with Christmas Joy and ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, dong dong bells. All I've managed to do is make us feel old with the ding dong, ding dong dong of the approaching sounds of our own early demise, apparently on the couch where we're just going to pass away gently after some fried food. Remember me, but just remember as these fetuses born in 2006,. How, how are you? How are you still not in primary school? Oh, my God, as the super young, super high achievers reach out to Eurovision 2024. Ah, you know what. Good luck to him. Just, you know, remember, some of us have to, you know, work in the morning. Oh God, I'm depressed. All right, where's that comedy horror slash? Put the horror Christmas movie on.
Speaker 1:
I think this is the kind of moment that they made it for, just to let you know the next episode. We're going to try and release it a bit early. We don't want to try and release it for you on Christmas Day? Well, maybe we do. Oh, that's the question for you. Do you think we should sneak it in a few days early? Release it on Friday, or you know what bam? Do you want us to send it out on the Monday, on Christmas Day? Give you a break from the family. Let us know in the comments. Meanwhile, get out there young, old middle-aid, born in 2006, born in 1906. Just get out there and ho ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ho.