Ep. 329 What is an "Alongsider"? Part 2 of 3 Doug Simmons

In this second of three podcasts with Navigator Doug Simmons, we hear practical advice on what it means to simply come alongside of someone, in a committed, loving and trusting relationship, to help them grow in Christ. Here are two resources mentioned in the podcast: 

Free download of the "R+2D+3A" illustration. Click here.

Ways of the Alongsider by Bill Mowry. Click here. 

Bill Mowry's website and resources. Click here.

Transcript

Doug Simmons 0:02

When you're seeing it as a trusted friendship, and your purpose is to discover and discuss things in the Word. So when you turn the corner, you don't just walk away and go, Well, that was interesting. You, I always, using this model, I always say, So what do you think God is asked? What's one thing God's asking you to do in light of what you've discovered and we've discussed the two Ds? That's the application question. And he'll say, Well, here's what here's what I think needs to happen. He may say, you know, a couple years ago I put Covenant Eyes on my phone just as a general precaution. I wasn't really struggling with porn. And then I had a sales trip two weeks ago, and the guys in the meeting before the meeting started, they were all showing stuff on each other on their phones, these porn sites. They were each bragging about finding a more juicy porn site. And I saw some stuff, and it's just it's it's just been circulating in my head for a couple weeks. And this conversation today with you and God's word has made me think I need to reactivate my app and actually put it to work. I mean, I put it on my phone two years ago, but I wasn't really struggling with porn, and I'm still not actually looking at it, but but I'm struggling with these images that I picked up by association. This weekend I'll have some time. I'm gonna I'm gonna go up and update my Covenant Eyes app and make sure my account is current.

David Dennis 1:25

God speaks to us through his word, convicting us of sin and encouraging us to walk in the light. Hi, I'm David Dennis with the Kansas Communities Ministry with the Navigators. Thank you so much for joining us today on Making Disciples Naturally, where we believe that making disciples and developing spiritual generations should be a natural part of every believer's walk. Today we again hear from Navigator Doug Simmons. He recently led a workshop at our Spring Men's Retreat on the tremendously practical and useful tool called Ways of the Alongsider. This is by Bill Mowry.. I've included a link in our show notes to a diagram he references in his interview today, so you might want to access and download it as you listen. Doug starts today by defining who an alongsider is.

Doug Simmons 2:23

Um like Dave Gras and Ron Bennett that I know personally, and I've met Bill, but I don't know him personally. Um and he put together this concept of he uses the word alongsider, where um uh other people would maybe say a laborer or a disciple maker, it means the same thing. It's it's alongsider someone, a Christian who comes alongside another person for the sake of helping them understand the gospel and move toward it in obedience. So that it could include a not yet believer. So if I have a friend at work or a neighbor down the street or a guy where I work out at the gym that we've we've kind of become aware of each other and you know we wave and talk in the parking lot who who I don't have any reason to believe he's a believer or not. In fact, based on the stickers on the back of his truck, he's probably not. Um so so an alongsider can mean um the the Christian coming alongside a not yet believer in a spirit of friendship and building bridges and displaying the gospel and hopefully conversing the gospel over time. But mostly I think of the phrase alongsider as being a Christian investing in a Christian who wants to grow. And ultimately, what I think scripture would call that Christian to grow would be to be not just a growing Christian but a reproducing Christian, so that that Christian becomes alongsider as well to somebody else. So this would be the disciple becoming a disciple maker, uh, or a person walking on the road with Jesus, Jesus says, Look at the fields, they are white under harvest, but there aren't any laborers, there aren't enough laborers. And the guy walking to Jesus is going, Oh, I could do that. I want to do that. How how do how do I become a laborer? Well, that's of course what Jesus was that's a conversation he was wanting to happen. So the the goal of being an alongsider ultimately would be to help another Christian grow in fruitfulness and and in healthy walk with Christ so that they are actually able and willing to take time and invest in somebody else in the same way. And normally it's one-on-one, although it you can achieve a lot of the same growth in a group up to four, but when you get to five and larger, the uh the dynamics change. So a group of four, three, or two, two being one-to-one, those are the most effective for the way NABs kind of do disciple making generally. Not to say there's not a place for a small a small group or a larger class, a Bible study class, or even a you know, 600 people listening to a sermon. Those are those are all legitimate and good, but they're not the same as being an alongsider. So that's the kind of the core, the core idea. And uh there's a study, there's a a NAV press book published called The Ways of the Alongsider. It's a 10-chapter study on kind of best practices for how to come alongside and help somebody else. Four chapters on foundational ideas, why, where is this in scripture? And and do we see Jesus actually modeling it? Answer is yes, it's all over scripture, and then about six chapters on kind of the the mechanics of how to do it effectively based on you know decades of Bill's experience and really a lot of Christians' experience in helping others. So it's very readable, very uh good good book as a foundation for this concept. It's got a wonderful appendices of eight or nine or ten chapters, it's got diagrams, it's got support material, it's got lots of scripture, it's a Bible study. Um, so that's a tool that I have found when I went through it the first time. I thought, oh, this is I've just discovered a lot of this, but never had it put in book form. And so it's really affirming what I had kind of learned from the trenches. So that was encouraging. And then I've used it with many men and quite a few pastors because later in our nav ministry, Laura and I made a little shift and added to our investment in others uh a treasure hunt for pastors that want to stir up disciple making inside their church.

David Dennis 6:48

Can you walk us through briefly the uh bullseye illustration that I'm gonna include in the show notes?

Doug Simmons 6:54

Yeah, it's a triangle with a bullseye in the middle, and there's three points. The top point has a capital R. The bottom right point has a number two and a capital D. And the bottom left point has uh three and a and a capital A. So it's R plus two D plus three A is the bullseye. It's just a summarized way to keep it fresh in my head. So there's a bullseye in the middle with a triangle around it. R plus two D plus three A. So those each mean a key idea, and I'll explain what those are. The R refers to the fact that uh disciple making is a relationship. It's a relationship, it's my relationship with God and as an alongsider and my friend's relationship that I'm serving with God, and it's also our relationship with each other. So so it's it's vertical, each of us to God, and it's horizontal with each other. So it is a friendship. Uh, in other words, it's not it's it's not a professor to a class where he delivers you know legitimate, relevant data, but doesn't have a friendship with the students in the class. It's not that, it's a friendship, it's also not just a friendship where you you know enjoy fishing or playing golf or watching the Chiefs, and you know you're both Christians, and so there's maybe some camaraderie there at a level that you don't have with some other guys, but it's not just that's it's not just a friendship. There's more there's more intentionality to it. The intentionality comes in the 2D on the bottom right, and the two D refers to two words, discovery and discussion in God's Word. This first side of the triangle is recognizing it's a relationship with God and each other and having an open Bible between you. So when a longsider meets with somebody, they may take a moment to just touch base on a quick catch-up with each other in their lives. But you do not spend time on news, weather, and sports. You you go below that intentionally and specifically into God's word. So you're you're gonna include God's word in this friendship that you're having. And that's really the point of meeting when you when you meet as an alongsider, is to be in the word together. So you discover stuff in God's word and then you discuss it together. So the discovery can happen a couple ways. It you you can you can each be having your own times with God daily in the word. And so when you meet together, you share how has God been speaking to you in the word. He might be in John, I might be in Ezekiel, and then we and we share nuggets with each other. And he would explain, uh, yeah, these points have hit me. I've been thinking about this. Uh, I wanted to ask you this question has this ever come up in your mind? What do you think of this? Am I hearing it right? And I'd say, Man, that's really interesting. Let's talk for a minute. Here's what I've been seeing in Ezekiel. I got to chapter whatever, and man, I felt convicted about something that happened a couple years ago that I really hadn't thought much about. But as as I read this story, God just brought it to the forefront of my mind. And I need to take some action in rectifying something that happened a couple years ago. So that's what's going on with me. And then we'll we'll so we've each we each report what we've discovered independently and we discuss it. Or, and this is really my favorite way to do it, is we we just we open something that we agree to to work through over time. So maybe we're in Philippians and we're slowly working through Philippians, and and typically I'll take a little section as kind of most most versions of the Bible have it broken into paragraphs with a bit of a gap or another heading. So we'll take one of those, those run from typically three to seven or eight verses. So we'll read a little section and talk about what strikes us and why. And if that's if that factoid is true, how should my life be different this afternoon? Like that practical on applying it. So you turn the corner from discovering something in God's word and discussing it, you turn the corner from the 2D corner, discovery and discussion, and you go over to the other corner, which is 3A. And the the A stand for application, accountability, and affirmation. So application would be basically, how does this truth that I am discovering in the Word of God make a difference in my life? What should change in my life? Because this is true. Because I surrender to him as my king, and he's telling me something. What am I going to do about it? And will you can can you help me do this? So if if my friend says, um, or say, my if I if I said what I said a minute ago, something happened a couple years ago, he'd say, Well, what what was that? And I'll tell him briefly, and and he'll say, So couldn't in this moment, he's kind of alongsiding me, which is another feature that happens all the time. I I may have taken initiative and invited him into this, so I'm kind of the initiating alongsider, but man, I grow all the time. I I initiate with him to sharpen him, and guess what? That does happen, but I get sharpened as well. And I don't care if this kid he might be 22. I'm I'm I met a kid uh at church two weeks ago, took him to coffee the following Thursday, which was a week from yesterday. He's 19, uh, I'm 69, so there's 50 years between us, and we had the best conversation. I I heard more of his story. Uh, he's gonna move to Denver next year to go to air traffic controller school. It was just really, really fun. He said a couple things and he asked a couple questions when we met for coffee before his job that resonated with me. And I drove away thinking, wow, that's a really good observation. That's a very piercing question that came to his mind that he verbalized to me. He wasn't trying to rock my boat, but he kind of rocked my boat, or God's word rocked my boat, and he saw it and he shined his flashlight on it, and it's it's affecting me. So that's the power of two, any two people getting together in the word when you're seeing it as a trusted friendship, and your purpose is to discover and discuss things in the word. So when you turn the corner, you don't just walk away and go, Well, that was interesting. You I always using this model, I always say, So, what do you think God is asked? What's one thing God's asking you to do in light of what you've discovered? And we've discussed the two Ds. That's the application question. And he'll say, Well, um, here's here's what I think needs to happen. And oftentimes it's relational, not always. It might be um, you may say, you know, a couple years ago I put covenant eyes on my phone just as a general precaution. I wasn't really struggling with porn. And then I had a sales trip two weeks ago, and the guys in the meeting before the meeting started, they were all showing stuff on each other on their phones. He's they were each bragging about finding a more juicy porn site. And I saw some stuff, and it's just it's it's just been circulating in my head for a couple weeks. And this conversation today with you in God's word has made me think I need to reactivate my app and actually put it to work. I mean, I put it on my phone two years ago, but I wasn't really struggling with porn, and I'm still not actually looking at it, but but I'm struggling with these images that I picked up by association. I'm I need so this weekend I'll have some time. I'm gonna I'm gonna go up and update my Covenant Eyes app and make sure my account is current and and I I know enough to know that I need a accountability partner, which I never asked anybody, but I'm I'm gonna have to think who that will be. Um I might call you, but um, uh there's somebody else I'm thinking of too. So I'm gonna take action on that as a as a defensive measure against these these thought struggles I'm having. And I will say, this so there's application, that's his application. Then the the second A is accountability. I will say, can I have permission to ask you about that when we meet next Tuesday? Did you take time on the weekend? Did you set up your Covenant Eyes app? Did you get a partner? I said, Yeah, please, I want to do that. I said, Okay, I'll ask I'll ask you next week. So we meet the next Tuesday. I'll say, Hey, how'd that go? Did you set up your app? I don't know what he's gonna say. He may have a wonderful story. Oh, yeah, I got it on there, and it I started reading some devotionals in there, and it gave me lots of insight. And I've just I've been, you know, sexual thought-free since Saturday afternoon. It's it's been wonderful. It's the it's the the lightest I've felt, the the least burden I felt for two weeks since I was at that convention. Or he may say, Oh man, you know, my kid got sick Friday night. I had a soccer game with my other kid on Saturday that I forgot about. No, I I forgot to do it. The accountability idea is that I'm I'm gonna ask him because he's given me permission to ask him about the very thing that he designed. Now, I'm not I'm not picking assignments for him to do, I'm asking him to pick his own assignment and I'm just gonna follow up and ask him. Yeah, and that's key to him doing it. It's it's not it's not me as the old wise guy laying this insightful pearl of wisdom on the on the other guy, it's him finding pearls of wisdom himself with me alongside him in God's word, and me coaching him to pull the trigger on some action in light of God's word, and then in a friendly, because this is a friendship, relational way, following up with him. So the third A is affirmation. So if he comes back and says, Oh, yeah, it was great, I got it set up and it's it's been wonderful. I'm going, awesome. I I want to point out a couple things. Really, all we did was we sat down, we looked at the word because we're friends and we both love Christ, and we you we discovered stuff, we discussed it, you applied it to your life. I asked if I could be an accountable voice in your life. You said yes, and here you are at a whole new level of freedom a week later that you were struggling under for two weeks or two months.

David Dennis 16:31

Yeah, yeah, that's exciting.

Doug Simmons 16:33

Look at how cool that is. This is this is the power of God, the word of God, and the Holy Spirit in you, and the counsel of a believing friend fortifying your walk with Christ. This is beautiful. This this is a form of affirmation I'm giving to him. So I'm gonna just I'm just gonna pour celebration and appreciation and affirmation on him. However, if he comes back and says, I totally whiffed, man, I I didn't do it. So now how do you affirm that? Well, he basically choked. Well, here's how I would affirm it. I go, well, let's go back to our conversation last week. Do you do you still think that your idea for applying that truth was a good idea? Yeah, I do too. I think it was a great idea. I think that last week when we sat at this table, that was God speaking to you through the word, through the spirit, through the counsel of a brother, and you heard it and you you came up with your own way to walk that out in your life. A lot of people don't ever slow down enough to do that. You heard from God, you spent three dollars on a cup of coffee and you came to sit for an hour before a heavy work day to be in God's word with a trusted friend, you're doing it, man. Do you so so if it was a legitimate application idea last week? What do you want to do going forward? You want to try it again or do you want to write a different one? So I'm just celebrating you, man. You're my friend, you want to grow, you're here for God. It doesn't matter to me that you had a swing and a miss or not even a swing, you just stood in the batter's box, you didn't even swing at it. You didn't get off the bench, you didn't even go out and stand in a batter's box, you like totally failed. But there's still lots here to affirm. Okay, well, let me pray for that. Lord, I pray for Ben, help him help him to have space in his life this this weekend to do what he wanted to do last weekend. And I pray that this would be a path toward uh obedience and joy and effectiveness and and freedom. Um, and I look forward to visiting next week and see how it went. So I'm for him, I'm affirming him, even if he's not obeying perfectly yet.

David Dennis 18:34

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

Doug Simmons 18:35

So that's what that's the affirmation part. So it's application, accountability, affirmation. So you just you just basically follow that track each time you're together as alongsiders. I have found that doing that consistently with individuals over time really makes a difference. That's worth doing. And it's honestly, David, it's not rocket science, it's not that hard to do. It's if you know how to make a friendship. I have a few extreme introvert friends. There's lots of accountants and engineers around here, and you know, they're famous for I don't really like people that well, and I don't mind it if you pay attention to me, but I don't know how I'd ever have it in me to pay attention to somebody else. And I go, well, let's let's talk about that. Um it's it's within the range of, I mean, I'm an extrovert, so that's easier for me, but it's it's in the range of every every Christian to to walk with God and then look around you and find somebody to to love, that's a that's a relationship, to be in God's word with, that's the 2D, and to take action on together. That's the 3A.

David Dennis 19:42

Yeah.

Doug Simmons 19:42

Everybody can do that. You can do it with your wife, you can do it with your little kids, you can do it with your team kids, you can do it with your adult kids, you can you can do it with people in another generation, older or younger. You can even use the model in a if you have a small group of four, say two couples, that can work. That that's that's pretty fun when you're good enough friends with another couple to have a true four-way uh supportive and sharpening friendship. That's I mean, I've had a handful of those over my life, and they're they're sweet.

David Dennis 20:17

Perhaps you were inspired to use the principles of this R plus 2D plus 3A diagram in your discipling process. Please check out the show notes for a free downloadable reference diagram, as well as a link for Bill Memory's book, Ways of the Alongsider. This is a wonderful resource. Join us next time for our third and final interview with Mr. Doug Simmons as he shares some ideas and examples of spiritual conversations. Right here on Making Disciples Naturally.