June Table Talk – We are the Front Porch - #245

In this month’s table talk episode, our three cohosts chat through the discussion questions found in this year’s Good Company curriculum video by Stacey Morgan. 

Make sure you listen to #244, where Sherri Crandall and Stacey Morgan talk about the heart behind Stacey's video and the idea that MomCo is the front porch. 

We'd love to connect with you! Send us a direct message on Instagram or Facebook or email us at leaders@themom.co.

You can also find our cohosts on Instagram: @andreafortenberry, @ivymamma and @sherri_crandall.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to the Mamko Leadership Podcast. We believe that life and leadership are better in community. We're here to equip and encourage you as a leader and mom. We'll talk about real issues and practical tools to help you grow in your leadership, motherhood, and faith. Hi leaders, I'm Andrea Fort and Berry, your host for today, and I'm excited because it's a table talk episode where I am joined by my co-host Sherry and Jennifer. We are going to discuss the questions from this year's We Are the Front Porch video, part of our good company curriculum. It is a leader video, and it's really special because Sherry just interviewed Stacey Morgan, who wrote and filmed that video for us in our previous episode. So we're going to get to build on their conversation that they just had. So Sherry and Jennifer, welcome. I'm excited for our time together. Always so good to see you guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

These truly are my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Yeah. So fun. Yeah, and it's fun because we're starting our good company curriculum. So this is our first Table Talk episode of this Momco year. So it's fun to get to dive into these new videos together.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

This is a great video to start it off with, too.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Yes, love it. So, leaders, we encourage you to watch the video if you haven't yet. We encourage you to watch it with your leadership team and really walk through the questions together, and which is what we're going to get to do today because it's fun to learn and gain insight and then also think about how we can make our momco groups a really welcoming place for the moms who will walk in. So let's start off our time together with this question. What is your momco origin story? I love a good behind the scenes. So I'm excited for us to share just how we got involved with Momco and then follow up is how has it made a difference in your life? So, Jennifer, how about you start?

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Um, I had several friends that went to a Momco or Mop's group at the time. And I was always kind of jealous because the closest one for me was about 45 minutes away. And we were a one-car family, and my husband would take the car and leave. And so it was just I was stuck. I couldn't get I couldn't get to Momco. Um, but we moved and so then I was a new person in town. I didn't have any friends, but we had a second car. And so the first thing I did was find the closest Momco group and sign up. And the first day I walked in, I remember just this room full of women. I didn't know anybody going to this group. I was just walking in by myself. And I had two small children. Um let's see, two in like six months, maybe and every table had a unique uh centerpiece on it. And I thought that was kind of fun because I like to decorate. And then they did a um activity, like a a craft. And at the end of the craft, the lady leading it said, and this will be a surprise to some, but this is my last meeting, so um you all have fun. And then she walked out the door. Like it was like drama, and I was like, well, this was interesting. And then um they gave away the centerpieces as door prizes, and because I was new, the people at the table said, We don't care who won at this table, we think you should take home the door prize. So it was a teapot, and I had that teapot in my uh China cabinet for a really long time until I got rid of a China cabinet. And so um, so it was kind of fun. But the next meeting that I went back, they said, Well, as you all know, last meeting we lost our creative activities leader. Does anybody want to be one? And the people at my table said, Jennifer helped us with all our their our crafts. She should be the creative activities leader. And somehow or another that that became so those ladies that were on the leadership team and the ladies at my table became fast friends. And it was like I went from zero friends to I had table friends that we did activities with, and then I had a leadership team that I now had responsibilities to do. So it it kind of like throwing you off the deep end of the dock to learn to swim kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

So well, what I love about that is they saw even for a short time that you had this ability and this gift, and they're they were able to call it out in you. So I love that.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Well, Sherry, in your last episode that you did with Stacey, you answered this question. So listeners want to encourage you to go back to that to hear Sherry's full answer. But Sherry, anything else you want to add or do you want to maybe answer the part about how has Mom Po made a difference in your life?

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Yeah, I um I share my little pitiful story of how I was invited because I was pretty pitiful the day someone thought I should go to mom's. Um but what I think transpired for me is truly life transformative because I was in the medical field, had planned on going back to PA school once my kids got a little bit older. And as I became involved, same thing, uh, I share a little bit of that with my episode with Stacy. But the before you know it, I was being asked to be a table leader. And then before you know it, I was asked to be the coordinator. And all of a sudden, ministry just became this huge focus that that was not where I had intended to go. But it was so much by God's invitation through this lady of inviting me and then opening this door for ministry that that changed everything for me. Like I went from thinking I was going to be working in one field to be working in a totally different field, to someone saying, Hey, I think you're a really good speaker. Would you be the MC for this? Or would you do this? Or, oh, hey, I like how you wrote that. Can you write this for us? And I was like, and I'd love to do those things growing up, but it just brought to life something in me that I think was potential for me to do what God really had called me to do. And in it, I'm I'm one of the really lucky ones who met my dearest best friends. And I know that doesn't happen for everybody because it's hard as groups are really big or maybe small or whatever that means. You might meet some people, but you lose track of them. I'm one of those girls who say, I met my best friends and we're still best friends. And as I've been going through cancer treatment, as you all know, um, uh these friends are still bringing me dinner. And one of my friends, Leslie, I have to shout out Miss Leslie. Uh, we served together at Mom Co. And we were teasing her the other night, we're like, friend, I think you've been bringing us dinner for 30 years. And she laughs. She goes, I know, and I only know how to make two things. So there you've had this a lot. And we had the giggles about it, but she makes the best brownies, and every once in a while she throws in Texas toast. And like, when's the last time you've had a piece of that? It's amazing. And um, but it's true. This lady's been making me dinner as my friend with all the four kids and adoption and all the things, and we've made her dinner too. But it's the friendship for me, it was the trajectory of a whole different career path. And then what came with that were these deep, deep, deep friendships um that we just not let go. And I'm so thankful for those women in my life, and it all was brought about. So community for me is so intrinsically tied to the momco. That when I I'm very passionate about like I think everybody should be in a momco group because you need to um even if they're not your best friends, they can be your friend for that season of life, and it's just so valuable. So that's the the greatest thing that happened to me because of the momco.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah. I love that. I feel like that resonates with so many people that we can look back and see how Mom Co. led us to new things and new experiences and gave us community. So it's really, really a special thing that Momco does. Well, I'll share real quick my origin story. So I remember hearing about Mop's Mom Co. at some point, I don't remember how, but I heard about it throughout like my early years of mothering. And then it wasn't until I had a friend tell me she was signing up. It was about to be the start of the year at a group at a local church, not the church that we went to. And she told me she was gonna go. And I just said, Hey, would you mind if I went with you? And because I didn't know of groups locally other than when she mentioned it. So I was like, Can I tag along with you? And she was like, sure. So we ended up going and I sat at her table and we invited a couple of other people we knew. And yeah, it was just such a life-giving place. And I really wish I had joined a group sooner when Lila was a baby. William, I think when I joined was two. So I had already been a mom for almost yeah, four or five years before I joined Mom Co. But it just really helped, I feel like, revive my soul because I got to be with other moms and understand I wasn't the only one struggling with certain things. And then also when we would have speakers or do the crafts or have fun parties, it was like, oh, I I missed this or I forgot that this part of me, the creative part, the part that wants to help and those things. Um, I had kind of forgotten about that a little bit. So I feel like Mom Co. just helped revive my soul in a lot of ways and helped me grow in my leadership too, as I joined the leadership team and then uh fast forward ended up here working with both of you. So it's just, yeah, been a fun journey for sure.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

And that's so neat to think like an invitation ended up now being where we spend all of our time, you know, hoping to recreate that moment for someone else around the world to experience that. And that's what I love about our entire uh leadership experience and global team is that each of us have our own mom co story. And I think that is really unique and it brings passion and compassion and just this desire to do the best for these moms out in the world. And we shared that on this team, and uh I love that.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Dive into the questions that accompany the video as well, because I think those first ones were mine that I added and that I thought would be fun to kick up the episode. So, next question is how can we ensure our mom co-meetings feel welcoming to moms who may be hesitant or new to church?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Jennifer I um my husband and I planted a church, which means we started it from scratch um many years ago. And this was probably one of the biggest things that we focused on. And that is that in the church world, we have our own language, we have our own traditions, um fellowship. We love to use that word, you know, blessed is another word we use a lot. And I think sometimes it's thinking about the language that we use that is kind of churchy. The moms who are visiting may not have any clue what you're talking about. And so that's one thing I think that um you have to think about. Every mom that walks through that door may have no church experience and or may have had a really bad church experience. And so she may be, if your group meets in a church, she may be walking in the door with some anxiety or um just really unsure of what she's gonna find. Um, I can remember one story was somebody asked me, well, what do I wear to church? And that at the time I was like, what do you mean? What do you wear to church? What clothes did you wear yesterday? Those are the clothes you wear today. You don't have to get dressed up. But in their mind, it meant putting on your best Sunday outfit to go. And so for her to come to a momco group, like, do I have to get dressed up special to come to your momco group or your your church building? And so I think there are things that we have to think about in those terms that are kind of logistical. Are the words that we're saying welcoming? Do we have signs so she knows where to go? You know, does your building that she's entering have like five doors outside and she doesn't know where to even walk in the door? So do you have signage and things like that? But I think more so is a spirit of welcoming, that you're happy to see her, that you planned on her being there, those kinds of things that she doesn't get to just walk in unnoticed.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Yeah, simple things like someone being there to greet her or show her where to take her kids, or uh someone to say, let me get you a seat, and we have a chair, right? Because it's a scary feeling to be there and just wandering and not know where to go or not know where to sit. And it seems like everyone else knows each other, even if they really don't, it just looks that way. And so just having those simple things taken care of or prepared and advanced can really just make a big difference in whether or not someone feels welcome.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Yeah, inclusion, I think.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

When I was on church stuff, we would say to our when new leaders came in, um, remember you were once new to. And so what would you have wanted to have maybe happen different? And I would ask them that like, what is something that you would want to have had happen differently? Or what is it that went so well that that's why you're still here and that's why you're you know wanting to join the leadership team? And I think that is such an important question because all of us we were invited. So at one point we were new too. And what stood out to you? And it was genuinely someone remembering my name because I was new to the whole area, to the city. And on my second time back, without looking at it or seeing a name tag, she had just remembered my name and she remembered my kiddo's name and was like, Oh, let me help get Justin settled in the nursery. And I was like, Oh, like she paid attention. Yeah, someone knows my name. Oh my gosh. Like that just meant a lot to me because I went from working full time to not working and moving to a new city and feeling like super anonymous, right? And to have that care. So it feels simple to us, and sometimes we forget. So that's why I would always remind people like, remember, you were new too. What is it that we should be doing? Um, also, sometimes overly friendly church people freak people out. So I always said, don't be a weirdo, like don't be a weirdo. Like you can be nice and be welcoming, but like to your point, Jen, we use weird words or like, hey, you shake your hand, and so glad you're here to fellowship with us today. And like, ugh, and people are like, okay, you're like too good to be true. Like, what is going on? Yeah, so don't be a weirdo, just be nice, and you don't have to prove anything, just treat people like you would like to be treated. And I think um simple is really good. Don't overcomplicate it.

unknown 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

I think that leads really well into this next question is in what ways can we model authentic Christian love and friendship without adding pressure or expectation? Because I feel like that can be pressure sometimes, where we're like, overly over the top friendly, right? Or that kind of thing. You don't want people to feel weird.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yeah. I think that should be Sherry's quote. Don't be a weirdo. I I think I would tell my kids that too, wouldn't we?

SPEAKER_02 17:13

I do. I'm like, don't be a weirdo.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

I think the idea too is that you don't want people to feel like projects. So you don't want a new mom coming in and she feels like you've set out these, you know, like this list. Like you go introduce her and you get her in a seat and you give her the welcome packet. Like she doesn't want to feel like she wants it to feel natural. And and not to feel like if she comes one week but then she's not there the next week, you're like, where are you? Why weren't you here? You know, you can send something that's like, hey, we missed you at this last meeting, hope everything's okay, you know, but not with the expectation that like she is now like drunk the Kool-Aid, she's all in with Momco and she wants to be on leadership next year. Like there is an element where you have to give people time to kind of test you out and see how you are.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Yeah. And people aren't projects, right? Like we have to remember that they're people, and someone can be super extroverted and want to come and then sign up for everything and authentically mean that. They're like, I am in, I love this. And then maybe someone else is like, I don't know if I love this. I might come back, I might not don't take it so personal. Like just they're they're not the project that you have to check off. Five people came today and they're all gonna be on our leadership team one day. Like, that's not the goal. Um, but I think just being authentic and ever each one of us are different. The three of us are very different. Um, one of my favorite stories was one morning we always had our leaders come early, especially if we were bringing food. And, you know, as the coordinator or women's ministry director, I was always bringing extra food because I was afraid we would run out. So one of our leaders was there, she had a newborn baby. She was balancing like an egg dish on her, you know, little stroller. And I had cinnamon rolls and something else, and I was trying to get in. And then this other lady, and I didn't know at that point, like, was she did she have an appointment at the church? Was she coming in? Because she didn't have her kids with her. Well, I didn't know she had already dropped them off, and so she was going to be part of our Wamco meeting that day. And one of our leaders went to open the door, and it just all fell apart. Like the egg dish flipped over. No, and she bumped, and then I kind of ran into her, and my cinnamon rolls fell over. And this lady's like, oh my goodness. And my leader at the time, she said I don't know, an appropriate response, but like she said a big cuss word, and she was like, and she was flustered. And so I was, you know, helping pick up eggs off the sidewalk and stuff. And this lady, I said, Oh, can I help you? Do you have an appointmentation? She goes, No, I think I'm here to do what you guys are doing. And I think I found my people because that's exactly how I would have responded if I would have dropped eggs all over my shoes and everything. And so she started laughing, which then my leader was mortified that she had said a cuss word. And so she's crying, and she's like, I just feel like you're a real person, like you responded like a real person would. And she said, To be honest with you, I'm not looking for church people. It took a lot to get here today, and I think this was just meant to happen so that I know that I can be me. Yeah. So it was almost like it felt like it was just this, you know, movie, this orchestrated like moment of you know, of everything falling and the cuss word and all the things, but it made this girl feel like, oh, I think I can actually be here now. Yeah. But she was just being authentic.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Being being real and true to who you are, not putting on a plastic face of yeah, which you think you should be.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Yeah. And I think too, I should have probably said this at the beginning of the episode, but if you haven't watched this video yet, the premise is that momco is the front porch, meaning that we are not the house, we're not the church itself, but we are an extension of the church. And so we want moms who come to feel comfortable with us, and maybe eventually they will feel comfortable enough to go inside the house, go inside the church. And so I think one of the ways to answer this question that we can model that love and friendship is that. We can invite a mom into the next, like joining the Bible study with us or serving with us at VBS or whatever that could look like. But we don't pressure, we just invite and just say, hey, I'm doing this. Would you be interested? And again, just not making people feel like a project, but instead as they're comfortable. And part of that is we gauge their response to things when we give announcements or when we make the invitation, we just gauge and we just walk alongside wherever that mom is in her faith journey, whether she has a faith or not. And not again trying to change her, but just trying to share how Jesus has made a difference in our life and just being honest and authentic. And Stacey likes to say, like, I don't want to hear, you know, about how you met Jesus when you were four. I want to hear about how Jesus helps you in your marriage today, or how he helps you in your parenting struggles, because that is where moms are. We have those struggles in real life. And so that's what moms want to hear. And they hear that when we are in authentic relationship and friendship with them.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Absolutely. I think the invitation is really important too, because I think sometimes it's scary to say, you know, hey, would you like to come to church with me this Sunday? Or would you like to come? We do uh a bunch of us families get together on Thursday nights and have a meal and we we just talk about uh you know things that are in the Bible. Do you want to come? Um it can feel scary to do the invitation, but I think the scary part is you're afraid somebody's gonna say no and then not want to be your friend anymore. And I always think back, but what if I was a really good friend and I never offered the invitation? I don't want to get 10 years down the road and then go, well, you never invited me to church. That's why I haven't gone. So I think it's it's okay to invite and have somebody say no. And then if that conversation a few months down the road comes up, invite again. Like there's it's not a high pressure situation. And like I think Andrea, you you said it eloquently to say you gauge their response to things. Um because you don't want to be the pushy person that's always asking, but you also don't want to be the person that never asked.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Yeah, there is a healthy in-between there, and as a leader, be re reminding yourself that um their personal salvation is not up to you. Like this is this is big picture, it's a God thing. You can play a role in that by inviting, by modeling, by having authentic relationships and good conversation. Um, to your point, like, how does being a Christian help me be a better wife or a better mom or a better leader, whatever that looks like? We can talk about those things and model them, but not going straight to the like, so do you know Jesus? And didn't you know, getting because I think we have this false sense of like it's all up to me to make sure that this happens. And instead, we have to trust that like that's the work of the Holy Spirit. And even though some of us try to play junior Holy Spirit, that is not who we are, and that's not our role. And so, as leaders and working within your leadership team, reminding each other of that, real change will happen when they experience real relationships. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

And I think the authenticity of knowing that you're a normal person and struggle with things, like you know, uh a sassy, a sassy kiddo or something like that is important to see that your life is not perfect, um, that you still have struggles, but that God is the one that gives us perspective on those.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Right. Definitely. Well, last question for us to discuss what small changes could we make in our space schedule or interactions that would help lower barriers and help make Momco a true front porch for moms. Love your thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Study your community. So know where you are and what's being offered around you and know talk to the pastor, talk to the the people at the church that are shaping other programs within. And if you know your demographics and you know that let's say 60% of the people in your community for women work outside of their home, then a Tuesday morning at nine o'clock probably won't be the best time for you to host a Momco. But maybe you could host a Saturday morning or an evening. Um, you could add an online group. I mean, there's just lots of things you can do if you're a good student of your community. Um, where we were located with our church, we also realized that just like five minutes away, we were on the edge of another smaller city that had so much diversity and ethnicity and languages. And so to offer things, and we now have a campus that is just really wildly successful within that community. So, you know, Mamco and Espanol or, you know, whatever language that it is, like start to think outside of it, just doesn't have to be Tuesday morning at nine o'clock with brunch. It can be dinner and a charcuterie board, you know, it can be everybody bring their own food and you sit on the floor. Like it, there's it can look I sat in my favorite, one of my very favorite meetings was I sat in a gym on a military base and ate goldfish crackers with the kids. And the authentic community that they had with each other and for each other, and the care that was provided was so amazing. Like I I cried when I left because I just thought these girls have it, they have it down. Like they are doing this so well. And by most standards, like there wasn't a table or a centerpiece, and they didn't so I was their speaker that day and I sat and crisscross applesauce on the floor um while kids were feeding me goldfish. It was hilarious, but it was also so authentic to who they were. Um, we don't need to try and create something that won't attract the people that are right in front of us.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

That's really good. I think um not being rigid either in what you do. I attended a mom co group once that was so kind of loosey-goosey, it like it started 30 minutes late and you didn't know what was happening. Are they showing a video? Is somebody speaking? Are we doing an activity? So you have to have structure around what you do, like a schedule of what you do. But I think don't be so rigid in what you're doing that if your moms are having a deep, authentic conversation that you're like, well, you need to stop now because we have to do this. Or I think also even the timing. You think of um I'm gonna call it a traditional mom co-group that runs for like two and a half hours and you have, you know, uh food and coffee and an activity and a speaker and all of those kinds of things. All of those elements have purpose and are important. But you have to, like you said, Sherry, know your community. And if you've got moms that don't have two and a half hours to give up, maybe it's uh an hour at lunch and you say, here's a video, watch the video, we're gonna come together at lunch and we're gonna talk about this. It's the building of community that is uh the goal and the purpose is building community of moms so that we're not alone in our mothering and um and pointing them to Jesus as being the hope. And so what does you know, what does that look like? I think that's uh one of the biggest things. Andrea, you asked what are some of the little things. I think one of it is not assuming you know where everybody is in their spiritual journey. And you know, I often say um it doesn't hurt to ask somebody, can I pray for you? Because most people won't reject that. But you can't assume that everybody wants to pray. And so um think about how you structure your time and and keep in mind that not everybody has the same experience.

SPEAKER_02 31:08

I want to say one more little thing. Um we say in our mission statement that we partner with a local church, um, and we say in partnership with the local church. And I think it is up to us as leaders to be good partners with the local church. So asking them, um, I was speaking to a group in Kentucky uh last year, and I love this so much. They realized that a lot of the moms that were coming were um moms that were really struggling financially, and many of them were on assistance or aid. And so to ask people to take turns to bring breakfast, like they really didn't have extra money to do that. So the coordinator spoke to the pastor and was like, we would love to be able to feed people, but here's kind of our dilemma, and we don't really have a budget to do that. Well, one of the older uh senior Sunday school classes stepped in and for that whole year they brought breakfast for these moms. And it was such a beautiful way to include other people in their church to let them then serve these young moms. And then when it was time to be like, hey, you want to come to Easter service? Well, yeah, Miss Sally loves my son and I feel comfortable leaving him. And so, you know, it just built this beautiful community that they didn't even see happening, just because she said, Can you partner with us? And so if you're struggling with something or you think you have this big problem, remember you are partnering with them. Don't be afraid to ask, don't be afraid to make suggestions to make it better, a better partnership. So it seems like a little thing, but I think it really is um a little thing we can do that can really grow to be a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Right. I love that. Yeah, the front porch is attached to the house. So we want to be in good communication and relationship with the house we are attached to. So correct, correct. Love that. One thing I thought of to close is just as a leader, encourage the moms in your group to invite other friends. Because I feel like for me in the group that I was part of as a young mom, that wasn't verbalized so much. And I have a friend now that I'm like, oh, I regret so much that I did not invite her to come along and be part of Mom Co. Part of it was when I looked around the room, it looked really full. And so I kind of assumed that it was full and that we couldn't invite other people. I I was just new and I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't know that, I mean, I knew I didn't go to that church and so other people could come. But again, I didn't know could someone join at any time in the year and all of that. So I think leaders, just make that really clear that that as you do have space, because I know some groups do have a wait list that you don't have enough space, but even if that is you, consider opening another group so you can make more space or remind your moms to invite other mom friends that don't go to church that they know from being on the same street or on their kids' soccer team or whatever. Encourage them to invite and have that front porch mentality of we're on the porch and we see all these people passing by who might want to come and join in on the little party that we're having as mom friends. So just be mindful of that and encourage your moms to invite other people.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

And don't forget the tea and coffee. Everybody has tea and coffee on the front porch.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

Yes, that sounds delightful.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

It does. I think I'm gonna go make a cup of tea, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Awesome. Well, leaders, we really hope that you enjoyed our conversation, gleaned some things to take away. And again, we encourage you to listen to the episode with Sherry and Stacy from last week and watch that video when you get a chance. Because again, when we all understand that Mom Co truly is an outreach ministry and we're on that same page, we can do things in and for our group that will make a big difference to welcoming moms who will come in the future and helping them to feel known and loved and comfortable, which means that maybe eventually they'll want to go inside the house and it's fun to get to be a part of that together. So thank you, Sherry and Jennifer, for our conversation today. And listeners, thanks for being with us. Leaders, we know that your time is valuable. We're proud of you for investing in yourself by listening in today. We know that when you invest in mom, you change the world. We believe in you and we're doing the way.