Welcoming Neurodivergent Families with Kate Morthland - #250

Andrea Fortenberry interviews Kate Morthland, a working mom, professional lobbyist, and fierce advocate for families with neurodivergent children. She was the 2025 Pitch Night winner for Come As You Are: Establishing a Faithful Welcome for Families in Churches and Parochial Schools, an initiative born from her firsthand experience navigating worship and school spaces with a neurodivergent child. 

You can connect with Kate and find out more about her project via: kmfaithandart.com.

Find out more about Pitch Night here. 

You can also find our cohosts on Instagram: @andreafortenberry, @ivymamma and @sherri_crandall.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Mumco Leadership Podcast. We believe that life and leadership are better in community. We're here to equip and encourage you as a leader and mom. We'll talk about real issues and practical tools to help you grow in your leadership, motherhood, and faith. Hello leaders, I'm Andrea Fortinberry, and I have the pleasure of being your host for today. I am excited to chat with Momco mom and leader Kate Morkland. Kate is a working mom, a professional lobbyist, and a fierce advocate for families with neurodivergent children. Based in Illinois, she lives with her husband and their five-year-old son, whose journey has shaped both her heart and her calling. Kate received Momco's 2025 Pitch Night Award for Come As You Are, Establishing a Faithful Welcome for Families in Churches and Parochial Schools, an initiative that was born from her firsthand experience navigating worship and school spaces with a neurodivergent child. She knows how hard it can be to simply get kids through the doors and how lonely it can feel when support is missing. And fun fact is that Kate is also part of our good company curriculum this year. You will find her as the speaker for our video called Welcoming Neurodivergent Families, also our topic for today's conversation. Kate, it is a pleasure to have you on the Mom Co Leadership Podcast. I am so excited to be here. I'm a little fangirling right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

I'm so excited to talk to you today. Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Oh, just such a such a pleasure. And honestly, it's been fun to watch your journey. We got to meet at MomCon last year before you gave your your pitch night presentation. And so it was just really fun to see you in the room doing that. And then you got the the pitch night grant and to just yeah, keep up with you, have you be part of our curriculum. So it's just really fun to watch your journey.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

It's been an honor to say the least.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

So let's start there. Tell us a little bit of your momco like origin story. So, how did you first get involved? How did you hear about Mom Co.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yes. So, um, to back up a little bit of it, I have a child that is five. His name's Walter. So when I gave birth, I was in the middle of COVID. And it was, I I I had a not a great birth story, right? I had Walter. I went home six hours later. I actually had to go back to the hospital because I had postpartum preoclampsia and I was so dizzy I couldn't walk up the stairs. And so after a three-day magnesium drip, I went back home. And because of COVID and because of the trauma of me being back into the hospital, I closed up shop. Like I didn't let anybody in. I was, I no one saw me or Walter or her husband for a very, very long time. And it because I was a COVID mom, I went through an isolation that was unlike anything I've ever done before. It was very, very intense. And it led to a postpartum depression that I really had to clone myself out of. And from that, you know, the world started opening up a little bit again. Started going to church again and started becoming active in that church. And I was praying the whole time, like, this is, you know, I'm great. I love going to church. I I love that my family's becoming like the following God. But I need a group of moms, I need a village. I do. And I'd pray for it, I'd pray for it. And the craziest thing happened as I was becoming more active, the church I was at at the time, the deaconess came to me and she goes, Hey, I got an idea. I want to start a momco group at this church. And I go, What's that? Sounds great. So I was very, very lucky to actually help birth this momco group in in our church. And just I think through Momco, it gave me exactly what I prayed for. If there was not a divine voice through all of that, I don't know. But that was kind of how I got involved in Momco. It was from the an inception of a chapter in our area.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

I love that so much. So you, yeah, you were an initial leader. How how cool is that? So that's so awesome. Well, and then you won the pitch night grant last year. You were the big winner. So that's so amazing. And as I mentioned in the intro, your project really was born out of personal experience. So would you be willing to share a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yeah, absolutely. So when we started going back to church, it was around two or three when I really started that my son was just different than all of the other neurotypical kids in church, right? They would sit still. My son would not. And I mean it. I think I said this at at pitch night. And then again on the main stage, which was the most surreal thing ever, is he it would he would be very loud. There would be no like social cues or anything like that. So this whole time um this whole time I was I was, you know, trying to make sure that he was regulated, but also trying to I guess I was I was taking in all of the other people that didn't understand autism or ADHD. All of their um, and and I don't fault anybody for it. I think it's it's born out of ignorance, right? You just don't know it yet. Um all of the side glances are the oh, he must be very uh disruptive or just a bad kid, right? So church was really hard for me. I would spend most of my time outside of church, not listening to anything. And I thought, I said, why am I doing this? Uh and then it made me sad to ask that question. Why am I bringing my kid here and white knuckling it through this hour to not hear anything and then go home feeling defeated? And I think so many moms with neurodivergent kids ask that same question. And at the same time, Walter started a preschool and and and uh like a pre-K, like a daycare type thing in a parochial school. And parochial schools, I have I've through much of this journey, they just don't have the resources to help these kind of kiddos thrive. So there was a lot of emails and a lot of like uh it was a lot of me trying to make him fit into a mold. So I say, okay, well, let's let's help. The foundation is good. All of these people are amazing, but let's give them what they need. And that's kind of what come as you are was born out of. We have we have um it it it's three aspects of that, right? So we have our sensory objects, we have our sensory rooms, that's the first one, we have our educational resources, so teaching people about what neurodivergence is. And then third, we have our devotional, which is coming back to if you're a neuro neurodivergent mom and you need to know you're not alone, pick up this book.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah, I love that. And you know, you were saying church was really this like bomb for your soul when you started going back after COVID and all of that. And then it became it became like this place of struggle and anxiety where you're like you ask the question, like, what am I even doing here? And I think I just really appreciate you sharing that because, like you said, you're not the only mom who feels that way. And I just love that you bring to our attention the fact that moms are sitting with this feeling. And so what, you know, what can we do as momco, as you know, members of churches? Like, what can we do, even small things to help moms? So I just again really appreciate you doing this and um again bringing awareness to it. So I would love an update. How's it going? What's it been like throughout this past year?

SPEAKER_01 7:54

It has been so much more than I ever thought possible. I I was speaking the other day. I thought when I won it, that I was just asking, please give me money for supplies so I can dispersal supplies. Like, no way. Like it is way bigger than that. I it is blown up to something that I've I it just oh, it makes my heart swell when I talk about it. But uh it's going well. So right now we're sitting at um four total churches that have received what's called sensory bags for their churches and masses. So just little objects that kids can fidget with and things that they can utilize while they're listening, right? They're not toys to distract, they're actually tools that people that they can they can hear the word too. And I know this for a fact because my son said, Oh, we're reading Matthew today. I was like, What? That's awesome. Okay, let's go. So there's that. We did a sensory room in one of our churches too, um, which was fantastic because it was a place for kids to go kind of take a sensory break. And then the great thing is is parents can hear the church through the speaker, right? Because that was my thing. I'd have to go to a cry room or a nursery or a bathroom and I would miss half of it. Now you can get access to actually hearing that. And another that it's surprising how many churches do not have that that I've worked with. Um, another one that it that we've done is we have educated over 18 parochial school teachers on neurodivergence and have given their classrooms objects to help them with kids with neurodivergence, really focusing on early childhood because early childhood is tough because these kids usually don't have the language to say. And these are when these things started popping up, right? Like parents don't exactly know what's going on. They're trying to Google and figure out everything and have appointments. Teachers are trying to help them through that. This kind of bridges that, right? So we have beanbag chairs and dofer sensory inputs and different books that talk about inclusion and sensory lights. So they're classrooms. Maybe kids need softer lighting, maybe kids need headphones on, something like that. And that, but what's great with that is we brought in a um an educator to teach on that. And we also created a guidebook for teachers that they can reference all of these objects and say, okay, this is what this is for, and this is what might help this kiddo. So really, really excited about that. And then lastly, um, the devotional. And I really thought this would be the quiet part of it that I just like, okay, we'll just this is the end. We're good. It is incredible. I had collected seven different stories from moms with neurodivergent children and made the devotional, compiled that, made it very intentional in the way that it was designed. Um, different flowers that show kind of the strength in nature. And I made it like this because for me, it's really, really hard to pray when I absolutely need to, when there's a tantrum or meltdown. I don't think to be like, let me ask God for help. So when I noticed these different things in nature or in my backyard, I can remember that. So it kind of gives those visual cues with that too. So loved that. And very excited to uh now state that I've been working with Momco International, that we're getting this actually translated into different languages. So this will be released in a PDF very soon, both in English and in other languages, to keep it accessible. So I'm very excited about that too.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Oh, I love it. As you were talking, I have over here on my bookshelf Ephesians 3.20, which says that God can do immeasurably more than we can ask, think, or imagine. So I just think that's a great verse that that applies to your project. And um, yeah, momco is in more countries than Starbucks. So it's it will be amazing to just see where your project, you know, the different countries that it touches and the different moms. So that's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

That's Starbucks uh statistics, pretty exciting.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah, we like to we like to throw that one around for sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

So very soon. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Awesome. Well, Kate, you talk in the curriculum video that you did for us just about some small shifts that our momco groups can make that would communicate and demonstrate to our moms that all moms and kiddos are welcome. So if someone hasn't listened to that or, you know, watched it yet, or again, we have listeners for this podcast who are momco alumni, and so they might not be involved with a group anymore, but would you share that? Because again, we all know moms who have neurodivergent kiddos. And so again, whether we're involved still with momco or in other spaces, I think it would really be helpful.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yeah, I think, and I don't know if I talked about this one on the leadership, but I was thinking about what I would tell what what I would tell a Mom Co group, and I think I think I would say to get personal, as moms, I'm saying if I'm sitting in a room of of moms, right? And they're telling you, and I can I can go back into like potty training, let's do that. And you tell a group of moms, this is how you potty train your kid. My kid doesn't follow those rules, like that they just act differently. So the same thing is behavior. I remember when Walter was growing up, I would, I, I fell for it. I bought all of the different how to um discipline your child course 101. And I'd go through it and I'd do exactly it to the T and it would not be for me. It would not work for my kiddo. So I think the thing that would really help any mom co group is is to really uh work on getting personal. If you notice a mom, and that's the thing that I mentioned on the video as well, these moms won't won't rarely get upset and be like, this is not inclusive. I'm leaving. Here I go, and I'm out the door. They will quietly leave. I have seen this in church. I have seen when these things come back into church, the inclusivity and the personalization of going up to a mom and saying, Hey, you're doing a good job. That in itself will bring a mom and their family back to church. I I I will tell you, I um a quick story. I was uh at the YMCA doing a swim lesson with Walter, and um I saw a mom with an autistic son, um, nonverbal. She was trying so hard to get her son to be a part of that class because as a mom of a neurodivergent child, you want your child not to fit in, but to feel like a kid, to feel like a part of a group, to do kid things. And I remember how heartbroken she was navigating in this pool with this kid that just wasn't fit for what he was doing. And I I looked at my husband and was like, I have to go talk to her. I have to, I just gotta go say something. So I went up to her and I said, Hey, you're this is gonna make me cry. You're doing a good job. And she just started bawling. I think when you notice that they're struggling and and you'll notice, uh talk to them. Say, hey, I know I you know, you're if you're if you notice that a kid's being tricky in kids go, like, what can we do together as a team? Can I tell you how much the word teamwork means to me as a neurodivergent mom? What can you we do as a team so that you will be relaxed in mom co and your kid will be having a ball in kids go? So I think that just noticing, actively listening, and just reaching out because that that thing, that one word, that one phrase can bring a woman back to faith. Because it did me.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Oh, I love that so much. And like you said, these are small things that that we can all do. And I motherhood is hard. It is just hard. And we all need that reminder that it's you know it's gonna be okay. And you're not alone. So I love that part that you said. Like, how can we work on this as a team? Like, gosh, just that reminder that you're not alone in this season, this stage, this struggle, like that is just huge and can breathe just, like you said, life and faith into a mom. So thank you for sharing those. Yeah, so awesome. What encouragement would you like to give our mom co-leaders? Maybe this is something that they have not thought about before. Maybe it's something they're trying to work on. Yeah, I would just love your thoughts. What encouragement would you like to give them?

SPEAKER_01 16:27

So I would have to say to back up. That would be my thing to say, is is as a leader, you get caught up in all of these minuscule things, whether it's an emotional thing that you've got some members working on, or you have like it's been stressed out pin to put something together, or just put meetings together. If you could back up for a second and see what you are doing for these women. I know uh we have one person that comes to our meetings on a regular basis and says, I don't have, you know, there's I I'm not around a lot of people. I work from home, you know, and she is the coolest person. But but to back up and say, we did that, we made that connection because of that. So I think it's really important as a leader to put yourself, put it in perspective often, weekly, if you can, just with your group. Say, even if you're in, if you have a leadership team, which we do is like, what's one thing that we have noticed that is just awesome that we're doing for other women?

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Let's go. Yeah. That's awesome. I think, like you said, we can sometimes get caught in the weeds of you know, the details and the checklists and those tasks. And those are important things, but backing up and remembering the why, like, why are we doing this? It's so that these moms are part of our community and we're supporting one another and all of that. When we do that and like look at the big picture, I feel like it just helps the little stuff like just kind of fall off our back and not be as you know, big of a focus as sometimes it can feel like.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Right. We are not walking to-do lists, even though we feel like that sometimes. It's it's just so important to back up and say, look at the connections that we've made, even if they're small, even if it's just one person. That's one person. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Right. Yeah. I think it's Pastor Andy Stanley who says, like, do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. And I think it's so important because you can make such a difference in someone's life. And then they would go and pay that forward to someone else. So really, you know, it it does affect more than just one person. And when we are leading mom co groups, I think we often forget, I feel like this ties in really well, that we're not just impacting a mom, we're impacting her kids and her husband and just the circle that she's in by the encouragement and community that she finds as part of the momco.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

Oh, that gave me chills. I love it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Awesome. Well, thank you for sharing that encouragement. And I would love if you would share just some encouragement for our mamas listening who have neurodivergent kiddos. What words do you want to offer them?

SPEAKER_01 19:18

This one was really hard for me, actually, because I, you know, as a neurodivergent mom, especially navigating like a recent diagnosis, you feel scared, you feel alone, you feel isolated. I would the encouragement I would say, and I would hammer it as loud as I can, is you are not alone. You are not alone. Find your people, find people around you, go find groups, find a mom co-group. Hello. Yes, yes. And and know that there are so many women navigating this with you. They will connect with you on a level that you will feel like your soul is fed. It it so find your people, know that you're not alone. Heck, you can call or text me. I'll talk to you about it. Um, and know that there's a community out there that is going through the same thing. This can feel very scary um and very isolating in the beginning, especially with um navigating where to go next, because you know, flying blind as a parent, you are flying blind with extra blindfolds of as a neurodivergent parent. Um, know that these women are out there. There's so many of them. I thought I was alone at first, too. But as I started on this project, countless women have come to me. Even one just left a message uh requesting a devotional the other day saying, You have no idea how much I needed this. I felt so alone. That's it. That's it. That's the that's the return on investment. Exactly. Like you're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Um, I love that. Thank you, Kate. Yeah, and it's just interesting. I how God works that when we have a struggle or a challenge in our life, I feel like he wants to use it so that we can help others. I think it's in 2 Corinthians where he talks about like with the comfort that we have received, we can then go out and comfort others. And so it's just fun to watch you doing that with your experience and being Walter's mom and just what a blessing you are.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Um I have been blessed to live it out. I'm I can't, I can't count how blessed I am with this. And just I and you're absolutely right. Um, I would I was given Walter to for a lot of reasons, a lot of ways that it has stretched me. But it is the fact that it has stretched me and been able to help other moms. I uh there's no words. No words. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Love it. Well, again, it's just been a pleasure to watch your journey. And we're so grateful to have you as a mom co-leader and again just the pitch night winner and all the amazing things having you on the show today. So appreciate that. So you did mention that listeners could reach out to you. So where can they find your website and all the places to find you? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

So if you go to KM as a mom, faithinart.com, I have a tab on my uh it's at the top bar that one talks about the project and another one where you can request a devotional. I still have some hard copy devotionals that I am mailing out for free until they're all gone. And then after that, releasing a PDF of it. So everyone that didn't get a devotional has access to it for free as well. And then once all of these hard copies are out, I'm actually going to get together a little community to kind of walk through it together.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Yeah, awesome. I will link that in the show notes so that listeners can find it and reach out to you. And thank you for being a resource and an encouragement to our moms and leaders today.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Thank you for giving me the opportunity. I had no idea that 2025 and 2026 and beyond, right, would put me in this place. But I'm so grateful to Momco. You guys do amazing things.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

Thank you, Kate. We're we're grateful for you. Leaders, we know that your time is valuable. We're proud of you for investing in yourself by listening in today. We know that when you invest in mom, you change the world. We believe in you and we're here.