Come to the Altar

In this episode, Brock and Abigail explore what it means to build altars today—creating intentional space to meet with God through surrender, remembrance, and attention.
Drawing from Scripture, they reflect on whether we’re relying on past encounters or making room for fresh ones, and what it looks like to lay down anything that’s taken His place in our hearts.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to At the Table, a podcast from Quest Fellowship Church. In each episode, we explore how faith intersects with real life, how we navigate culture, community, and personal growth as followers of Jesus. These are just conversations, not conclusions, and space to simply think deeply, listen well, and walk in this journey together. We hope you enjoy today's show.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Alright, we're back today. I'm with Abigail. Abigail works here. I work here. I'm Brock. We both work here. And we have kind of a conversation, I think, that is very applicable to pretty much, you know, everybody, obviously, because it's scripture and it's what scripture calls us to and what Jesus kind of fulfilled in him coming and dying in the you know the traditional temple, the physical building that used to be kind of how people approached God, approached the throne. Obviously, we know Jesus bridged that gap, and now that is not the case. And the temple is kind of within us, and he inhabited us with the Holy Spirit, all that good stuff. So we kind of wanted to talk about you know the idea of building an altar, laying things on the altar. When what does that actually look like today? Because I think we all have things that we need to lay down that whether it's something that you know um we are holding back from God that we feel like we can handle ourselves, or whether it's something that's completely out of our control and we have no choice but to just give it, or whether it's something that maybe God's been calling us to change, yeah, that we don't really want to we don't really want to change. And um, and I think on top of all of that, it's just a place to kind of, you know, be with God, you know, be in be in communion with him in that. And so um I guess what I'll ask you first is what is it like for you kind of to build altars today?

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Um, I mean, I think you know, you talked about like choosing things to lay down on it and stuff like that, and I think we don't really think about the building piece as much of like actually what has to go into it and what did go into it in scripture, like Old Testament. Um, because like God always is, he's was very intentional about how to do it, I think. Um, and he wanted you to do it in a way that wasn't doing it for show, it wasn't doing it to have the biggest, prettiest altar. It was like, do it just because this is the pathway for you to get to me. Yep. Um, and so I think there is just sort of like a there's a place in your heart you have to get where you're just like all I need is wood, put it together and go, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Um and so I think it just kind of starts, I think, by being in a place where you need it. Like you desperately kind of need it. Um and unfortunately we don't do it all the time, like in the positive places, but um, yeah, I think obviously praying, prayer is how we build it. Um but I think we just we kind of have to we have to get to that place first. Yeah, and then I don't know that the building is like super intense because it's just so much I feel like the feeling behind it is just like I gotta meet with God.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Yeah, I think it's being intentional and like being being intentional with like our desire to approach the throne, regardless of what it is, whether it's something that like our our sin, like the brokenness of our sin, or if it's yeah, if it's something that we're burdened by that we really can't control, or if it's something that, you know, whatever it may be, I think it's like carving out those intentional moments, going to those secret places. Like you hear that a lot. Like, like how can I because I think sometimes like it's easy to yeah, you can pray while you're driving. You can pray when you're kind of like just casually throughout the day, but there is something different about like there's a stop and a pause you have to make.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

And I'm gonna go to this like the literal room, or like, you know, you hear like the the I'm not trying to make fun of it, but like the war room idea. It's just the movie. I'm sorry, I'm just like, you know, but it's a great movie, there's a lot of great stuff in it. Yes, you know, I just sometimes the cheese gets me, but you know, but I'm but I'm me. So um, but there's nothing, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that concept in general. I think it's beautiful, really. Um and I think we should all have those those places where you know, some people it might be like, hey, I'm gonna go be out in the woods, or it might be, hey, I'm gonna go, you know, to the lake or do whatever. Or it might be your closet or your or your or you know beside your bed or whatever, like whatever it it's throwing a throwing a left field here too.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I think sometimes we we think we're building an altar to God, but we're building it to someone or to something. And so we we're praying about it, but we keep going back to the wrong place if we don't have one of those places you're talking about, you know. Um I just saw something recently about that, like we we build altars to the things that happened or the things that we went through or the people or whatever and not to just the God who delivered us from it. Right, you know what I mean? So I think, yeah, sometimes we there is like a misplaced, you know, altar. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

And it is funny that like um for me, I'm I'm very much of a like if I really want to be intentional with like an encounter with Jesus that I I have to I have to do, I have to change my scenery to some degree. Like it can't be on my couch in my living room, the same place where I watch stupid TV shows. You know what I mean? Yeah, like there's something I'm not that it can't be for everybody, I'm just saying like the way my brain works. It's like there needs to be like a like I have a chair in my office that in my apartment that I don't like I r honestly, I r I never sit in it other than when I'm when you yeah, when I'm like reading reading the word or in prayer or both or all the things. Like it's funny. I got actually I was thinking about the other day, like I don't I really don't sit in it any other time. Um and I don't know that I really set out for that to be the case, but it's just kind of happens. And so I know kind of when I'm in that spot that I'm like, okay, this is this is this is Brock and God time in a sense.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Um and you know, I think like for me, it's part of part of building those altars and being willing to lay stuff down is is saying, okay, like let's say it's something I'm I'm burdened by, right? That I like want, don't have, or whatever. It's a lot of times it can be honesty with God saying, God, why haven't you why not? What am I doing wrong?

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Why why? You can ask why. I think God's okay with us asking why.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:03

Like I think, um, I think sometimes like you think, like I don't know. I grew up reading a ton of like Greek mythology stuff.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Okay. Okay. I'm holding on.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Just holding on for a fact. Um and like in those, those, like a lot of that world, it was like you kind of bring this perfect thing to sacrifice to the gods so that you're in you you have their favor and you have their ear.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Um, and like that was the way you got their attention.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:27

And and I just don't think God works that way, especially now through Jesus. Like it's he's he he always we he always we we always have his attention in a sense.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah. And um I also think we a lot of times we kind of envision, like, you know, you have the Abraham, Isaac is obviously like the biggest altar story kind of in scripture. And I think sometimes we miss that like he wasn't happy about it. Like he didn't just be like, sure, here's my son. Like he he grieved that and still did it. So I don't think God wants us to be all like super happy and super ready to go when we're laying stuff down because that's that's kind of the point. It's like God wants you to take something that's obviously taken hold of your heart that should be his. And so why would we think it has to be perfectly in order before we can lay it down? Or why would God want us to be like, all right, I've I've done this in my own power, so now I'm okay to give it to you. Um I just think, yeah, that's not true.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

Well, and it's like and it is like I think you said like um I think I think you just said this. So if I you did say this, I'm sorry. But um, but like the idea of like, yeah, what does have your attention in the sense of when you are going to these these altars? Like what are you like what are you actually laying down? Are you are you really because there's like a lot of things I think like um like one of the things we talked about at conference was like you know, you've been giving something to Stewart, so you know, are has have we have we replaced that with God on the throne? And is that what we're going to the altar about? Like like I think you we were talking before the podcast, like are you going for an outcome or a circumstance to be a certain way, or are you just like seeking God and saying, look, whatever this is, whatever, you know, I trust you, right? You know, that's what that's what that was Abraham and I that was what that was. Like he was it was it was utmost faith. Like this, this is completely illogical to me. I'm not like why would I take my son up and and literally kill him?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Right.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

That doesn't there's nothing logical about that, you know, and there's nothing even like why would you do that? But it was like, man, I trust this God who's provided over and over and over again enough for me.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yeah. And I'm sure there were questions within that, like everybody's brain is like, yeah, what am I gonna do if he if I don't walk down here, you know, or if he doesn't walk back with me, you know, and all this kind of stuff. And like again, I don't think God wants that perfection you were talking about, where like we have to be fully buttoned up and a hundred percent faith. Like, I think that's the whole again, the whole point of an altar is to build the faith and build the trust and sit with God enough to you know hopefully grow in that each time that you do.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

But yeah, and it's uh it I think I've I've learned this past year, really into last year now, but um that you just have to be honest with God when you're at those places, when you're in those secret places, like your your grievances, your frustrations, your desires, your worries, your fears, um, even even your anger at him, if if there is any. Um, because I think he honors that and he will speak to you. Yeah, you know? Um and I think it's it's uh that's why those those places are so important in those moments. Because you we we live in a really loud world, yeah, a really busy world. Yeah. And honestly, if you don't, if you really don't carve out time today, you it's really hard. Like you have to be super intentional, just like with anything, any kind of relationship, you gotta be intentional to or you like don't even know what to do with it when you do have it. You're like, yeah, you're like, or you don't even recognize his voice.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

There is that too. Like, you know, I think sometimes like the more you're in communion with somebody, you know, in a crowd, like if I was in a crowd, a bunch of random people, I probably would recognize your voice if you spoke up.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

I would recognize Micah's voice, he's you know switching the cameras right now. Like I would like I could I, you know, even though you guys can be kind of quiet, but I but I would uh but like it's those things where it's like you kind of recognize the one you're close to in the midst of the noise.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

And because the world is so busy, I think when you when you create those times intentionally, and then when you go out into the world, it's easier to see him and hear him in the midst of all that.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

And know that he's the junk there and with you, yeah. And I'm just thinking like we have on our sheet over here, but like a lot of times we'll kind of I don't know, some people probably put measurements on like how often and like especially talk about like prayer closets and stuff like that. Like, you know, on Tuesdays, I go sit in my prayer closet or whatever. But um, we can rely on like old moments with God or like altars we did build, things he did deliver us from, and that's not a bad thing to like go back and remember and like yeah, and sit in how he again, as long as we're focusing on how he got us through it, not just the fact that it happened. Um, but I think sometimes we forget that it is like a re-upping kind of thing, and it's not um we talk about this a lot even with like worship and how we respond on Sundays, but like meeting him at the altar is not reserved for certain moments, certain things, certain, you know, circumstances.

SPEAKER_03 11:25

Your world doesn't have to be fallen apart to meet him at the altar. Right. I think I think that's kind of a I mean, we've even joked sometimes, not joke, I don't know why I said joke, but we talk about like how, you know, if I if I like in in a church service, like the traditional altar cause, like if you go to pray, people assume something's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

And I think like I've been guilty of it, like, I mean, I hope hope he's okay. Everything's all right, yeah. And it's like, but no, they could just be celebrating something. It could just be a gr a prayer of gratitude, a moment where like, you know, and I think we gotta remember that with these things with the altars. It's like you can go to God in Thanksgiving and and and just gratitude and gratefulness, because I think like there's there's there's so much good even in the midst of the bad. And there's you can see God in in pretty much everything, the worst of possible things, if if you're looking for him.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

And sometimes we just don't want to look for him.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

No. To be honest. Well, and we're again, I think that's kind of back to this idea of like we revisit this altar that is not actually his, like it's not an altar we built for him, it's an altar we built for our own hurt or our own, you know, pain or whatever. Um, and we go back to that because it feels better sometimes to be like, you know, this did suck, and yeah, I am unhappy about this, or you know, a lot of times we feel like we were, you know, the one who was harmed or you know, play the victim. Which can be true. Which can be true, but that is not gonna it's really not gonna lead you any closer to God. Yeah. Um, and it's again, it's misplaced. And so when we sit with him, yeah, we have to like let go of the fact that um, you know, we I lost my train of thought. I did it. You did the thing. You did the thing. No, but I know the window, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

But I'm not what you're saying, like it's a it you you do have to um it it is uh you have to let go.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

I mean, it's basically what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

And you don't, but it it really is easy to fall into the trap of like this terrible thing happened to me, so this is who I am now.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

And every time I approach the throne, I'm approaching with all of these bags.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

You know, and I think like sometimes you gotta lay you gotta lay all the bags outside the outside the door of the temple and just go to God.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

And then like, and I'm and sometimes you walk back out and you don't pick them back up.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

You know, like that, I think that's what it should be. I I think sometimes, you know, um, there's things where like, yeah, your your circumstances can become your identity. You could become, you know, um, like you said, like that that kind of victim. And it's okay to feel all the things.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Like, you know, we've talked about this before. It's like you it's okay to feel all the feelings you feel. It's just what you do with them.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Where you take them.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

It's like where you take them, and and how long, you know. And because I I because I think God, I mean, God knows obviously Jesus Jesus knows what we feel. He felt yeah, he felt the ultimate betrayal, rejection, pain, joy, hurt. He felt it all. Like he lived a full life in those 33 years, right? Right. And so um he he understands. And I think that's like the the thing that like um like I've been listening to Son of Suffering, the song poor song. Like, you know, um, there's a God who believes there's a God who grieves. Like he like he he knows. He knows what what we deal with. And I think like to say that we can't sometimes I think there's two, there's two types of people. Sometimes they take all the grievances and they just carry them around and they tattoo them on their arm, and it's this like this is who I am, I'm the person that this happened to and this happened to, or or or either I'm the person that did this and did this and did this. Um, and I think sometimes like it's it's easy to get caught up in that. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

I think God too is probably sometimes looking at us going, man, I if you would just lay this down, you have no idea what I could do. Like if you could just let go of this, yeah, you have no idea what I could do. Um and I've been thinking about that a lot of just true surrender, like you're truly surrendering something and like I said, letting it go. Um, but that's hard because a lot of times we we're in a moment with God and it does kind of feel good to lay it down on the altar and you're like, man, I feel good. Like to get that off my chest. The weights on the weights on it.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Turn around and grab it, grab it right at your mouth and reach back and snag it real quick.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Because we're like, wait, but hold on a minute. This is unanswered, or this, you know, I don't know this, or but how are you gonna do that, God? You know, like all the again, the questions um kind of cause you to snatch it back off. And um, that's something I've been thinking a lot about, like um Will Chung from our conference, the whole build, his three little things. Um, well now I can't remember number two, build pray. The last one is wait, which is what I'm getting to. But we don't do the waiting. I know. I should have written it down. I'm sorry. Um, but we don't do the waiting part well. Yeah, like a lot of times we want to scoot out of scoot away from the altar real quick.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Like or you think you go and it's gonna be, oh, I'm gonna get an answer. Day one. Yeah, that's not we expect it to be that's not that's not yeah, yeah, and I um I think what what you were saying, like it is it is um it is easy to to fall into the trap of like I need an instant answer, I need an instant gratification, and like you say in the moment, those like those encounters you have, whether it's in that that that secret place or whether it's in the church service or whether it's in a you know, whatever. I mean it could be anything. You hold on to the moment and the feeling and that like connection, but then you really didn't did you really did you really leave anything there?

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Yeah, I mean that's yeah, it's uh it is a heart thing, like of like did I really does my heart really believe that if I didn't get any of these answers or questions answered, that God is still deserving of that, you know, and he's still worthy of that. Um and sometimes it's just like I've lately have been doing this myself and like sometimes it's just soaking in yourself that the fact that of who God is, like God is faithful, He is you know true, He is never gonna leave you, like all the things Um that we just forget like in day-to-day life, or we just don't even we don't think about. Um so I think sometimes it's hard uh it's hard to just sit even when you have kind of nothing to sacrifice left. Yeah. Um I mean we always have something, but you're like God, I don't really don't yeah, I've laid pretty much everything I think of down. Um and I'm just coming to sit with you now because I'm like, what what else can I give you, God? You know?

SPEAKER_03 17:49

And I'm not a patient person, really, by nature. I'm like, okay, so we all agree.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

I said mm mm, like I knew I meant myself. I understand.

SPEAKER_03 17:57

Um, but it's it's like like we all like like I'm I'm like, okay, so we all agree, right? Okay, so let's let's go.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

You got it?

SPEAKER_03 18:04

We good, we good, all right, we good? You know, I kind of have like those moments sometimes. Um it can be frustrating because you're kind of like, okay, God, I I've I've bared my soul to you. I you kind of know what I'm feeling, you know what I'm doing. Like we were just talking before Pod again, like about this world's super broken.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

And so when you're really, really fighting against the brokenness, you're trying your best to seek his face, you're trying your best to to approach the throne and to soak in his word, and to know that you were fully known, fully loved, fully seen, all those things. Like, just take all that in, regardless of what's happening. Um and so when you're doing all that, it can be a little bit like I've there's moments where I've been like frustrated with God. I'm like, what do you what more do you need to do?

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Yeah, like, hey, what's going on?

SPEAKER_03 18:43

Like, yeah, like is this something that I'm doing wrong? Like, am I not ready? Am I not, am I not doing something I should be doing? Like, I think those are the things that that I find myself asking. And I think it's okay to ask, you know? Yeah, and I don't really know that I have an answer for you. You can handle it. To be honest, um, I don't. Like, I I still don't know a lot of the things that I'm talking about. Like, um, and I don't know that we ever will. I think we have to understand, and that's where the faith piece comes in. Like a lot of these stuff we talk about is being believers and all these things that we're supposed to do, and there they can be checkboxing, you don't want to do that, get it to that point. But there's a point where they all stop, the physical stops, the the practical stops, and the faith has to take over.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

And it's and it's and it's that's the hard part.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

We were talking about this, like it's not the circumstances that he's after, it's not like yes, he wants our lives to reflect the fact that we follow him and that we love him, and you know, all that. So it's not not saying there should be no evidence, but he just wants our heart. And um, I think again, we just want to we want to like uh what's the word? Curate it or you know, something like that, and we want to know the details, and it's really not about that. It's about how do you feel about God? Yeah, you know, and I would love to ask people that like because it is kind of hard sometimes to like if you're really honest with yourself, how do you feel about God? Yeah, how do you feel about when you're sitting at the altar, like how do you feel about him?

SPEAKER_03 20:05

Because he knows.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

He already knows, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

So you're not hiding any thought, you're not hiding any opinion, you're not hiding any, you know, you're just having trouble being on this yourself. And it's it's um I don't know, I I it's sometimes it it kind of like I remember um growing up, I would be trying to do something like my mom, I would be uh be irresponsible for some reason or something, or something I said I was gonna do and I would never do or whatever. And I remember like you ever get someone tells you, Hey, can you do this for me? And then they try to like micromanage you the whole way through.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

And then sometimes you're like, Can you just like trust me that I can just do it?

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

And I think God is sometimes God's just like, Hey, can you just like you ask for this, I'm gonna do it. But just trust the process.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Stop, stop trying to check in. So where you at? Right. You know, and and it's it's human nature to do that because we want to know, like, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, and we don't our world now even more so than ever is like instant. Um and so we're gonna status update. Give me notification. We just wanna and and if we're honest, like a lot of times when we're laying something down that is hard to lay down or you know, our circumstances aren't great, um, you want you don't want to feel like that forever. So you're it's it's just a you know, it's like an honest, hey God, this sucks. Like I'm really I'd really like to be done with this if possible. Yep. Um, and so sometimes it's not even that, it's just like we're so grieved, like we're so done kind of with things, and we just wanna we want it to be wrapped up or we want God to move, or we you know, whatever. But I do think he is moving, obviously. We just don't we don't know what he's doing.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

And sometimes I think there's like a because we have such a we can get tunnel vision, and you're like we're we're seeing one thing.

unknown 21:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

But maybe God's showing us like things over here.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

That like maybe it's something he wants us to learn about us, ourselves in the midst of a bad thing, or maybe it's something that like you know Not and I don't think I'm not saying I don't I don't really believe God's the causation of bad things, obviously. But what I do think it's a whole other context. Write that down. Um But I think uh God obviously will move in the midst of it. And he will work around hardened hearts.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

If he has to. You know, sometimes he'll soften them, but sometimes that but that's the that's the that's the tension of the free will piece of it. Like we we have a choice. We're being we've been given a choice.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

Um and I've my biggest fear is like I don't ever want God to work in spite of me. I don't ever want him to move in spite of me. And he's I know he has, he's gonna do it again, but because I'm because I'm an idiot, but um but it you know I think it that's a yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Yeah, the whole like are will you keep coming back? And I think I mean I do think God wants to know that, like, will you keep coming back? If I don't do this today, will you come back tomorrow? Um and a lot of times we get to a place where we're like I don't feel like coming back because you're not doing you know X2.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Yeah, I wrestled a lot with like, you know, is is he do I really believe he's enough? Like if if all the things that I desire and want, or if even the things I have currently, if they all went away, like is he Am I okay with that?

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

And like he is enough.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

And I think that is that is what it looks like in today's world to put things on the altar, like what you just said.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

But it's it's hard. It's hard to like practically think, you know. There's like a lot of those hypothetical things people ask, okay. I would hope I would do X, Y, Z in this situation, but sometimes you don't know till you know you're in you're in the fire. And I think like like, you know, it's like with the Shadrap, Meshach, and Abinigo, it's like he didn't spare them from the fire, he spared them in it. Is a difference. Like they were he didn't.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

If he's not, he is still good.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Yeah, he didn't keep them from going in there. They were in the middle of it and he spared him. And I think like that's a distinction. It's like there's we're in the midst of the brokenness, so you're gonna deal with it. Right. You're gonna encounter it. Yeah. And it's like we talked about on a, I guess at this point it'd be a podcast a couple podcasts ago, but like the whole foundation thing, like you you don't want to be trying to build it in the middle of the storm. Yeah, you know, and that's why you build these altars and you and you and you go to these secret places and you you continually do those things so that when inevitably you know everything falls apart, you're still good. Yeah. You got something. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Yep. I'm gonna read Psalm 42. Go ahead. Yep because it's going into this. Yep. I'm actually not gonna read the whole thing because that would be kind of long. Um, but the first little bit here. Um this has been on my heart quite a bit, and we heard it at the conference, but um, it says, as a deer pants for flowing streams, so my soul wait, so pants my soul for you. That just doesn't flow off the tongue as well.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

It doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

Um my soul thirsts for God for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, where is your God? These things I remember as I pour out my soul. How would I go with the throng and lead them in the procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival? I'll just read five real quick. Why are you cast down all my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Um, and just like kind of quick, I was looking into this the whole like leading in procession and house of God. Like, this is a moment where David like can't be anywhere else but alone with God, and he's wrestling with that, like and he as if you've ever read the book of Psalms at all, you see that David is very good at pouring his heart out to God, you know, and he's very honest with him. Um, and so I think this is just like a good example of does your soul thirst for God? Like, do you do you need to go sit at the altar? Do you pant for him, you know?

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Um, to the point where it is like this desperation where like, man, I have to go I have to go to my closet or I've gotta go do this. Yeah. And again, not even when it's stuff's bad, just because like, man, I'm missing God.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

Yeah. Like you miss a friend or somebody, you know, it's I think that's yeah. I mean, I I would say that obviously I'm not as good at that part, that part in the in the good times when things are great, you know. Um and and objectively, like, there's even moments where I think things are good. Like objectively, like nothing's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Right.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Um but there's something just within me that I'm struggling with where it's like it's easier to go. Um, but I'm trying to get better about like, yeah, going to those moments, thirsting for him, even even when all I have is gratitude.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

And I think that that that is what gets you strong.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

That's probably actually the hardest part of it, you know. Like, because it is when you're in a moment or in a season of sadness, grief, whatever, or you know, something you just don't have any out anything else to do with, and then you're like, okay, I'll lay it down.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Um it's in a sense a little easier than when you're like uh we heard in uh the kids' conference there's like this like 10% sin. I can't remember exactly the whole like visual, but basically like people we sometimes we get to a place where things feel great and we think we don't have anything else to give God. Yeah, or like we don't think we have anything else to surrender. Yep. But like, are you still selfish? Do you still get angry? Like it's that 10% of like, yeah, but you still are doing these things.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

It's the refinement, like the little things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

And so yeah, we don't even think about those things, let alone think to go sit at the altar and put them on it.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

Yeah. Yeah, because it's it's yeah, like there's been times in my life where like I've overcome maybe a big sin. Something that's been just this been like almost like had a chokehold on me. Yeah. Right. And you're like, ah, you just feel so good. I did it. You just feel so good. It's like like you said earlier, like, like the weight's gone. Um and but yeah, yeah, okay, but are you like what yeah, what is the what is the little 10%? Like, are you watching a TV show you probably shouldn't watch? Right. Are you like, do you still find yourself snapping it the people that are closest to you for no reason? Like, what is that? Figure that out. Yeah, like even though it might not be all the time, might not be like it used to.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Could be your time. Like, have you laid the your selfishness over your time? Because maybe you don't serve because you know, whatever. You know, that could be anything. A multitude of things.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

And that's that is, I think, the when you do those, when you I think like something I pray every day is like, God, just I pray for self-awareness. Like, yeah, like pray, like show me me. That's the hard part, you know, and it's like uncomfortable, it's not really fun. And like I've told you all this in staff meeting and stuff, but like my goal this year is like okay, I'm not gonna lie to myself. I may be I may keep things from people, you know, in terms of like showing them who exactly I am fully. Because I mean we all do it, we all have things that we just don't say out loud.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Um, but at least don't lie to yourself. Yeah, like that's that's the that's the like let like let's be honest about who I am because God already knows.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

He already knows those little dark crevices where you know you're you're still tucking something away back there and you think you're hiding it, but you're really not, you know.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

Um and again, he knows what he can do with them if you give them to him. That's the thing that yeah, I've just kind of been thinking a little bit more about like if you just give it to him, he already has a plan for what's gonna happen with them, yeah, kind of thing. Um and we just yeah, that's hard.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

Yeah, and I think the the human nature is we want to we want to know all the answers, we want to know all the possible outcomes, and we wanna we wanna you know rationalize to ourselves of like, well, this option would be better, God. So if we could do this one, that'd be great, and we could do this, we do that. We we want to plan it all out. Um and sometimes I think like in a in a row in a in a in a season where there's maybe seemingly no good path forward or no good outcome or no good, like even if you know there's been times where I'm like you get so stuck in something, you're like, I you can't even like see daylight anymore. And you're like, what is like almost like hopeless, you know? Um and I think there's been a lot of situations where there's been outcomes that I never could have even like dreamt up. Scenarios that I never could have really even dreamt of that have happened that weren't even in my mind some of the possible outcomes. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Like like, and so I think that's how cool God is. He can really just like like you think you're over here and this is all you can do, and then like, oh, but I got this way over here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

And if you just give me these things, it's more than we can ask, I will do this.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

Or imagine you don't even know what to ask. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

That's how you cannot even grasp. Exactly. Um, so yeah, I think that stewarding piece, like, how are we gonna steward the part of stewarding is being able to put them on the the altar? Um, like I said, time yourself, all that good stuff. Um and yeah, finding a place to get by yourself with the Lord. Right. Nobody else around you, no one else can speak into those moments. I think that's important to you. Um you can just fully be yourself in front of him.

SPEAKER_03 30:50

And I I think that's the that's probably the biggest takeaway, I would say, for people listening to this, is that like find those secret places, create those moments, be intentional, approach the throne, like all the things that weird as it may feel at first if you are not used to it. It's gonna be uncomfortable, it's gonna be awkward. You're like, I'm just sitting in this room by myself, like talking to myself. Dude, I talk to myself all the time. We talk about this. We really talk about this this week. Like, like I'll be walking outside, but it's really I'm not really talking to myself. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm actually just talking to Brock. But um, but uh a lot of times it's just like talking out loud to God. Like I think, and it's like little, little things, but I'll I'll go take a walk, and I if you people drove by the thing that I'm probably crazy, but I don't really care. I'm just like, you know, and sometimes I think you gotta kind of let those things go and be willing to just say, you know what, Lord, I'm gonna spend this time with you. Yeah, I'm gonna invest this time with you, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave my comfort zone for you. I'm gonna let let our relationship be intimate together. And I think like that's that's probably the biggest thing.