{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":75.82000000000001,"endTime":77.56,"body":"Close your eyes and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":75.82000000000001,"endTime":77.56,"body":"imagine."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":78.82000000000001,"endTime":82.42,"body":"What if the things in life that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":78.82000000000001,"endTime":82.42,"body":"cause us the greatest pain, the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":82.42,"endTime":87.04,"body":"things that bring us grief, are"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":82.42,"endTime":87.04,"body":"challenges, challenges designed"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":87.04,"endTime":91.06,"body":"to help us grow to ultimately"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":87.04,"endTime":91.06,"body":"become what we were always meant"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":91.06,"endTime":91.48,"body":"to be."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":92.56,"endTime":96.96000000000001,"body":"We feel like we've been buried."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":92.56,"endTime":96.96000000000001,"body":"But what if, like a seed. We've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":96.96000000000001,"endTime":97.62,"body":"been planted,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":98.7,"endTime":102.24000000000001,"body":"and having been planted, we grow"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":98.7,"endTime":102.24000000000001,"body":"to become a mighty tree."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":103.26,"endTime":107.46000000000001,"body":"Now open your eyes. Open your"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":103.26,"endTime":107.46000000000001,"body":"eyes to this way of viewing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":107.46000000000001,"endTime":112.62,"body":"life. Come with me as we explore"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":107.46000000000001,"endTime":112.62,"body":"your true, infinite, eternal"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":112.62,"endTime":118.4,"body":"nature. This is grief to growth,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":112.62,"endTime":118.4,"body":"and I am your host. Brian Smith,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":120.2,"endTime":122.6,"body":"hi there, and welcome to grief,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":120.2,"endTime":122.6,"body":"to growth, where we explore"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":122.6,"endTime":125.48,"body":"life's most profound questions"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":122.6,"endTime":125.48,"body":"and navigate through life's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":125.48,"endTime":128.48000000000002,"body":"toughest challenges. I'm Brian"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":125.48,"endTime":128.48000000000002,"body":"Smith, and whether this is your"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":128.48000000000002,"endTime":131.24,"body":"first time listening or whether"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":128.48000000000002,"endTime":131.24,"body":"you're regular, thank you for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":131.24,"endTime":134.24,"body":"joining us on this journey to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":131.24,"endTime":134.24,"body":"undercover who we are, why we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":134.24,"endTime":138.04,"body":"here and what lies beyond this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":134.24,"endTime":138.04,"body":"life today, I'm honored to have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":138.04,"endTime":141.64,"body":"with me Dolores Cruz and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":138.04,"endTime":141.64,"body":"Allison. Allison, they are two"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":141.64,"endTime":144.7,"body":"deeply inspiring voices from the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":141.64,"endTime":144.7,"body":"organization helping parents"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":144.7,"endTime":147.28,"body":"heal. And if you listen to the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":144.7,"endTime":147.28,"body":"program from any amount of time,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":147.28,"endTime":149.8,"body":"you know helping parents heal is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":147.28,"endTime":149.8,"body":"near and dear to my heart. Have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":149.8,"endTime":153.16,"body":"been part of the organization"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":149.8,"endTime":153.16,"body":"for about eight years myself. We"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":153.16,"endTime":155.7,"body":"are fellow shining light"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":153.16,"endTime":155.7,"body":"parents, and we'll talk about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":155.7,"endTime":158.82,"body":"what that is, but as parents,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":155.7,"endTime":158.82,"body":"we've each experienced the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":158.82,"endTime":162.36,"body":"unimaginable pain of losing a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":158.82,"endTime":162.36,"body":"child. Dolores and Alice have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":162.36,"endTime":165.3,"body":"embarked on a path has"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":162.36,"endTime":165.3,"body":"transformed their grief into a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":165.3,"endTime":168.3,"body":"powerful source of healings for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":165.3,"endTime":168.3,"body":"others. Together, they've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":168.3,"endTime":171.96,"body":"contributed to the new book"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":168.3,"endTime":171.96,"body":"shining light parents speak, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":171.96,"endTime":176.12,"body":"that book gathers the stories,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":171.96,"endTime":176.12,"body":"insights and wisdom of parents"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":176.12,"endTime":179.42000000000002,"body":"who like them, have experienced"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":176.12,"endTime":179.42000000000002,"body":"the loss of a child and emerged"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":179.42000000000002,"endTime":182.36,"body":"with renewed purpose and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":179.42000000000002,"endTime":182.36,"body":"connection. So in this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":182.36,"endTime":184.88,"body":"conversation, conversation,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":182.36,"endTime":184.88,"body":"Dolores and Allison will share"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":184.88,"endTime":188.12,"body":"about their own journeys through"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":184.88,"endTime":188.12,"body":"loss, the signs and spiritual"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":188.12,"endTime":190.82,"body":"connections they've encountered"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":188.12,"endTime":190.82,"body":"along the way, and how they"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":190.82,"endTime":193.1,"body":"found meaning in their"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":190.82,"endTime":193.1,"body":"children's lives and their"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":193.1,"endTime":196.3,"body":"legacies. We'll also dive into"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":193.1,"endTime":196.3,"body":"some of the central messages"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":196.3,"endTime":199.0,"body":"from shining light parents"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":196.3,"endTime":199.0,"body":"speak, we'll explore how its"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":199.0,"endTime":202.9,"body":"stories offer hope and guidance,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":199.0,"endTime":202.9,"body":"not only to grieving parents,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":203.07999999999998,"endTime":206.5,"body":"but to anyone seeking peace and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":203.07999999999998,"endTime":206.5,"body":"resilience in the face of loss."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":206.86,"endTime":209.68,"body":"So stay with us as we explore"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":206.86,"endTime":209.68,"body":"these stories of love,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":209.68,"endTime":212.5,"body":"resilience and transformation,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":209.68,"endTime":212.5,"body":"and if you'd like to join the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":212.5,"endTime":215.14000000000001,"body":"conversation afterwards,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":212.5,"endTime":215.14000000000001,"body":"remember you can connect with"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":215.14000000000001,"endTime":216.54,"body":"the community at grief to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":215.14000000000001,"endTime":216.54,"body":"growth.com/community."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":218.46,"endTime":221.64000000000001,"body":"If you're listening on YouTube,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":218.46,"endTime":221.64000000000001,"body":"make sure you subscribe and like"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":221.82,"endTime":224.52,"body":"so you get all of the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":221.82,"endTime":224.52,"body":"notifications. And with that, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":224.64000000000001,"endTime":227.46,"body":"want to welcome Allison and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":224.64000000000001,"endTime":227.46,"body":"Dolores."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":228.9,"endTime":231.6,"body":"Thanks, Brian, thanks so much."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":228.9,"endTime":231.6,"body":"It's wonderful to see you and be"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":231.6,"endTime":235.2,"body":"on your your podcast. It's a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":231.6,"endTime":235.2,"body":"great show. Yeah, thank you so"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":235.2,"endTime":239.84,"body":"much. Yeah, it's great to have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":235.2,"endTime":239.84,"body":"you both here. Dolores has been"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":239.84,"endTime":242.9,"body":"on before, so if you haven't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":239.84,"endTime":242.9,"body":"seen or listened that episode,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":242.9,"endTime":246.5,"body":"make sure you check it out. But"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":242.9,"endTime":246.5,"body":"what I'd like to do is start off"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":246.5,"endTime":249.5,"body":"with I was telling them before"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":246.5,"endTime":249.5,"body":"we get started, we always like"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":249.5,"endTime":252.62,"body":"to honor our children. Our"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":249.5,"endTime":252.62,"body":"children are the ones that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":252.62,"endTime":257.14,"body":"inspire us. Our children, they"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":252.62,"endTime":257.14,"body":"still live through us and with"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":257.14,"endTime":260.56,"body":"us. So let's start in"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":257.14,"endTime":260.56,"body":"alphabetical order. So we'll"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":260.56,"endTime":264.1,"body":"start with Allison. I was at the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":260.56,"endTime":264.1,"body":"first right? Allison, Allison."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":265.06,"endTime":268.6,"body":"So Allison, tell us about what"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":265.06,"endTime":268.6,"body":"brought you to helping parents"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":268.6,"endTime":272.14,"body":"heal. So my son, Davey,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":268.6,"endTime":272.14,"body":"transitioned in 2016"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":273.52,"endTime":276.48,"body":"in a automobile"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":273.52,"endTime":276.48,"body":"accident, a single automobile"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":276.48,"endTime":280.26,"body":"accident. And before, what was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":276.48,"endTime":280.26,"body":"interesting Brian, before he"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":280.26,"endTime":284.82,"body":"transitioned, it's in the days"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":280.26,"endTime":284.82,"body":"leading up, he started talking."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":284.82,"endTime":288.12,"body":"It was really interesting. He"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":284.82,"endTime":288.12,"body":"started talking about God, and,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":288.12,"endTime":292.08000000000004,"body":"you know, he grew up, we went to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":288.12,"endTime":292.08000000000004,"body":"Catholic masses and but he"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":292.08000000000004,"endTime":294.84000000000003,"body":"wasn't very religious. And he"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":292.08000000000004,"endTime":294.84000000000003,"body":"did Young Life in, like high"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":294.84000000000003,"endTime":300.62,"body":"school, but again, not really"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":294.84000000000003,"endTime":300.62,"body":"talking about God. And it was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":300.62,"endTime":304.64,"body":"the weekend before I was away,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":300.62,"endTime":304.64,"body":"and my husband, David came home"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":304.82,"endTime":308.72,"body":"and he said, Dad, I know God"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":304.82,"endTime":308.72,"body":"exists. While my husband is kind"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":308.72,"endTime":311.41999999999996,"body":"of like, what is going on here?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":308.72,"endTime":311.41999999999996,"body":"Did you use some drugs? What's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":311.41999999999996,"endTime":313.88,"body":"going you know, what? What is"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":311.41999999999996,"endTime":313.88,"body":"all this? And David's just like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":313.88,"endTime":316.9,"body":"Look, I just know, and life's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":313.88,"endTime":316.9,"body":"about. This is what life's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":316.9,"endTime":320.14,"body":"about. You know, it's about"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":316.9,"endTime":320.14,"body":"loving people and being kind."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":320.14,"endTime":323.62,"body":"And he just was going on and on,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":320.14,"endTime":323.62,"body":"and David was having a hard time"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":323.62,"endTime":328.24,"body":"with it. He's a very, I guess,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":323.62,"endTime":328.24,"body":"you know, left brain guy, and he"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":328.24,"endTime":332.55999999999995,"body":"was having a hard time. So on"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":328.24,"endTime":332.55999999999995,"body":"the morning of Dave's accident,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":332.55999999999995,"endTime":336.1,"body":"he, Davey called me because I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":332.55999999999995,"endTime":336.1,"body":"want to speak to him about it."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":336.1,"endTime":338.26,"body":"And I said, Hey, Davey, your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":336.1,"endTime":338.26,"body":"dad's having a hard time with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":338.26,"endTime":340.44000000000005,"body":"hard time with this. I just"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":338.26,"endTime":340.44000000000005,"body":"gotta tell you, I know God"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":340.44000000000005,"endTime":343.20000000000005,"body":"exists. And I'm like, I cannot"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":340.44000000000005,"endTime":343.20000000000005,"body":"wait to talk to you about this."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":343.20000000000005,"endTime":345.78,"body":"He was coming to the beach the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":343.20000000000005,"endTime":345.78,"body":"next week, and I was like, we're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":345.78,"endTime":348.84000000000003,"body":"going to sit down have this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":345.78,"endTime":348.84000000000003,"body":"great conversation. And I said,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":348.84000000000003,"endTime":351.36,"body":"but you're freaking him out. Can"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":348.84000000000003,"endTime":351.36,"body":"you just tone it down a little?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":351.36,"endTime":354.9,"body":"And he said, Sure, Mom, but you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":351.36,"endTime":354.9,"body":"never have to worry about me."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":354.9,"endTime":358.64,"body":"And I was like, okay, okay. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":354.9,"endTime":358.64,"body":"he goes, I'll always be with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":358.64,"endTime":362.78,"body":"you. And he said to me, Mom,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":358.64,"endTime":362.78,"body":"you're my soul mate. You just"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":362.78,"endTime":365.65999999999997,"body":"get me. And I was like, soul"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":362.78,"endTime":365.65999999999997,"body":"mate, you know, my head, I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":365.65999999999997,"endTime":368.96000000000004,"body":"thinking, I've never heard that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":365.65999999999997,"endTime":368.96000000000004,"body":"before, except for like, in a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":368.96000000000004,"endTime":372.32000000000005,"body":"love relationship. And he told"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":368.96000000000004,"endTime":372.32000000000005,"body":"me all these beautiful things."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":372.32000000000005,"endTime":375.20000000000005,"body":"And then we hung up, and he had."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":375.28,"endTime":379.0,"body":"Accident later in that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":375.28,"endTime":379.0,"body":"afternoon. And so it sort of,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":380.08000000000004,"endTime":382.9,"body":"when it all happened, I was like"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":380.08000000000004,"endTime":382.9,"body":"he was telling me something. He"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":383.14,"endTime":385.96000000000004,"body":"was telling me, I'll never leave"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":383.14,"endTime":385.96000000000004,"body":"you. He was telling me I'm his"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":385.96000000000004,"endTime":389.44000000000005,"body":"soul mate. And it set me on this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":385.96000000000004,"endTime":389.44000000000005,"body":"path, and all of us on this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":389.44000000000005,"endTime":391.78,"body":"path, because he talked to his"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":389.44000000000005,"endTime":391.78,"body":"sisters, he talked to his dad,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":391.78,"endTime":394.12,"body":"it was like he was on this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":391.78,"endTime":394.12,"body":"mission to talk to everybody."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":394.12,"endTime":399.29999999999995,"body":"Wow. And so I needed to, I knew"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":394.12,"endTime":399.29999999999995,"body":"he was not gone. I just knew it."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":399.29999999999995,"endTime":404.03999999999996,"body":"And so I needed to find a place"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":399.29999999999995,"endTime":404.03999999999996,"body":"that I could talk about that and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":404.03999999999996,"endTime":407.70000000000005,"body":"helping parents heal. Was that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":404.03999999999996,"endTime":407.70000000000005,"body":"is this beautiful organization"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":408.0,"endTime":412.08000000000004,"body":"of people that feel the same way"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":408.0,"endTime":412.08000000000004,"body":"I do, that they're not gone, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":412.08000000000004,"endTime":416.28,"body":"we can talk about that. Wow. How"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":412.08000000000004,"endTime":416.28,"body":"old was he again? 2424"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":417.6,"endTime":421.88,"body":"and so you said he hadn't spoken"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":417.6,"endTime":421.88,"body":"like that before. No, no. He was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":421.88,"endTime":425.48,"body":"this kind, gentle soul, right?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":421.88,"endTime":425.48,"body":"He's just between his two"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":425.48,"endTime":427.82000000000005,"body":"sisters. He was the, we call him"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":425.48,"endTime":427.82000000000005,"body":"the equal sign. He would, you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":427.94000000000005,"endTime":430.34000000000003,"body":"know, if they were fighting, he"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":427.94000000000005,"endTime":430.34000000000003,"body":"would make them laugh and goof"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":430.34000000000003,"endTime":435.58000000000004,"body":"off. He was just easy and kind."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":430.34000000000003,"endTime":435.58000000000004,"body":"And so, yeah, no, it was so out"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":435.58000000000004,"endTime":440.62,"body":"of left field. Yeah, yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":435.58000000000004,"endTime":440.62,"body":"Dolores tell us about about your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":440.62,"endTime":441.03999999999996,"body":"son."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":442.36,"endTime":446.08000000000004,"body":"Yes. Eric is the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":442.36,"endTime":446.08000000000004,"body":"the youngest of my four"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":446.08000000000004,"endTime":452.67999999999995,"body":"children. He was 24 years old"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":446.08000000000004,"endTime":452.67999999999995,"body":"when he also had a car accident,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":452.91999999999996,"endTime":455.82000000000005,"body":"which, by the way, we'll talk"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":452.91999999999996,"endTime":455.82000000000005,"body":"more later about the interesting"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":455.82000000000005,"endTime":461.1,"body":"coincidence, so to speak,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":455.82000000000005,"endTime":461.1,"body":"synchronicity going on there. He"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":461.58000000000004,"endTime":462.29999999999995,"body":"was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":463.67999999999995,"endTime":467.88,"body":"just, you know, and I think we"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":463.67999999999995,"endTime":467.88,"body":"can say this about so many of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":467.88,"endTime":470.76,"body":"our children, just so kind and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":467.88,"endTime":470.76,"body":"compassionate, and that's what"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":470.76,"endTime":476.36,"body":"people talked about. Immediately"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":470.76,"endTime":476.36,"body":"after his transition, the only"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":476.9,"endTime":482.0,"body":"sign or indication I got which I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":476.9,"endTime":482.0,"body":"had no idea at the moment, but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":482.0,"endTime":482.84000000000003,"body":"totally"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":483.91999999999996,"endTime":488.9,"body":"connected with it in the moments"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":483.91999999999996,"endTime":488.9,"body":"after hearing when they came to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":488.9,"endTime":493.03999999999996,"body":"my door to tell him that he had"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":488.9,"endTime":493.03999999999996,"body":"been in a car accident past was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":493.03999999999996,"endTime":495.62,"body":"that that morning, when he left"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":493.03999999999996,"endTime":495.62,"body":"work, he was still living at"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":495.62,"endTime":498.46000000000004,"body":"home. He had this brand new job."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":495.62,"endTime":498.46000000000004,"body":"He was so excited about it was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":498.46000000000004,"endTime":505.53999999999996,"body":"like a good job with good money,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":498.46000000000004,"endTime":505.53999999999996,"body":"and he as is our custom, he goes"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":505.53999999999996,"endTime":507.70000000000005,"body":"out the door, I say, goodbye,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":505.53999999999996,"endTime":507.70000000000005,"body":"give him a kiss. Walks up, you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":507.70000000000005,"endTime":512.14,"body":"know, and then goes down the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":507.70000000000005,"endTime":512.14,"body":"driveway and leaves this day. He"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":512.2,"endTime":515.82,"body":"said, Goodbye, took those two"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":512.2,"endTime":515.82,"body":"steps down, started to walk. And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":515.82,"endTime":518.28,"body":"then he turned around, he looked"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":515.82,"endTime":518.28,"body":"at me, and he said goodbye"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":518.4,"endTime":519.0,"body":"again,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":520.02,"endTime":523.62,"body":"which is no big deal, right?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":520.02,"endTime":523.62,"body":"It's he just said goodbye again."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":523.68,"endTime":527.34,"body":"He had never done that before,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":523.68,"endTime":527.34,"body":"and I noticed it, and I just"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":527.34,"endTime":531.6,"body":"thought, I wonder why he looked"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":527.34,"endTime":531.6,"body":"back and said it again, so tiny."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":532.2,"endTime":535.76,"body":"And yet, when I was told that he"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":532.2,"endTime":535.76,"body":"had passed away, I thought of it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":535.82,"endTime":541.52,"body":"immediately, and his soul knew"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":535.82,"endTime":541.52,"body":"and was letting me know goodbye."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":542.48,"endTime":547.82,"body":"It was, as you know. All know"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":542.48,"endTime":547.82,"body":"very well how awful and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":547.82,"endTime":552.86,"body":"devastating that news is, and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":547.82,"endTime":552.86,"body":"having no idea what to do with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":552.86,"endTime":558.34,"body":"yourself and how to take another"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":552.86,"endTime":558.34,"body":"step or another breath, and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":558.4,"endTime":562.0,"body":"what's the next day going to be"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":558.4,"endTime":562.0,"body":"like? It was really rough."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":563.08,"endTime":569.92,"body":"I, like Allison, knew he"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":563.08,"endTime":569.92,"body":"existed, knew he was around. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":569.92,"endTime":572.56,"body":"started talking to him"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":569.92,"endTime":572.56,"body":"immediately. I knew he could"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":572.56,"endTime":578.7,"body":"hear me. I was crying out to Him"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":572.56,"endTime":578.7,"body":"that I what happened? I need a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":578.7,"endTime":582.78,"body":"hug. I need you here. And that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":578.7,"endTime":582.78,"body":"went on, and a really"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":582.78,"endTime":586.2,"body":"interesting thing did happen"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":582.78,"endTime":586.2,"body":"about 10 days later, when I went"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":586.2,"endTime":590.22,"body":"to the store and some young"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":586.2,"endTime":590.22,"body":"people were out in front taking"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":590.28,"endTime":595.14,"body":"donations for a cause for"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":590.28,"endTime":595.14,"body":"education against drug"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":595.14,"endTime":598.22,"body":"resistance, education that I was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":595.14,"endTime":598.22,"body":"familiar with, and I told"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":598.22,"endTime":601.9399999999999,"body":"myself, I'm going to go make a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":598.22,"endTime":601.9399999999999,"body":"donation. And when I came out"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":601.9399999999999,"endTime":606.62,"body":"and went up to this young man"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":601.9399999999999,"endTime":606.62,"body":"who was the same height as Eric"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":606.62,"endTime":612.92,"body":"and age and build and nice,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":606.62,"endTime":612.92,"body":"friendly personality, I talked"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":612.92,"endTime":615.64,"body":"to him a little bit, wrote him a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":612.92,"endTime":615.64,"body":"check, and when he handed me the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":615.64,"endTime":618.4,"body":"receipt. He said, How about a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":615.64,"endTime":618.4,"body":"hug?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":619.66,"endTime":626.1999999999999,"body":"And I in that moment, nobody"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":619.66,"endTime":626.1999999999999,"body":"says that outside, you know,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":626.1999999999999,"endTime":631.42,"body":"when you're taking donations,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":626.1999999999999,"endTime":631.42,"body":"who's ever said that? I said, Of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":631.42,"endTime":634.3,"body":"course, I'll always take a hug."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":631.42,"endTime":634.3,"body":"Gave him a hug. Felt like I was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":634.3,"endTime":639.66,"body":"hugging my son, and walked away,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":634.3,"endTime":639.66,"body":"just blown away, knowing that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":639.66,"endTime":644.16,"body":"was him, and thanking him. And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":639.66,"endTime":644.16,"body":"just knowing he was again, it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":644.16,"endTime":648.0,"body":"was proof that he was there. And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":644.16,"endTime":648.0,"body":"I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":649.68,"endTime":651.42,"body":"continued just reading"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":652.4399999999999,"endTime":655.4599999999999,"body":"whatever I could. I know we've"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":652.4399999999999,"endTime":655.4599999999999,"body":"all done the same thing. Any"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":655.88,"endTime":660.8,"body":"anything related to afterlife"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":655.88,"endTime":660.8,"body":"and spirituality and near death"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":660.8,"endTime":664.1,"body":"experiences and all that, the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":660.8,"endTime":664.1,"body":"way I found helping parents"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":664.1,"endTime":667.16,"body":"heal, which was very"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":664.1,"endTime":667.16,"body":"interesting, is that I got this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":667.16,"endTime":669.74,"body":"friend request from someone I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":667.16,"endTime":669.74,"body":"didn't recognize, so I didn't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":669.74,"endTime":670.8199999999999,"body":"respond, because I don't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":671.9599999999999,"endTime":675.1999999999999,"body":"then I got a message saying I'm"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":671.9599999999999,"endTime":675.1999999999999,"body":"your cousin."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":675.52,"endTime":679.9599999999999,"body":"And Susie's cousin on the other"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":675.52,"endTime":679.9599999999999,"body":"side, who I'd never met, but I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":680.02,"endTime":683.4399999999999,"body":"then understood how we were"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":680.02,"endTime":683.4399999999999,"body":"connected. She said, I need to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":683.4399999999999,"endTime":685.42,"body":"tell you about this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":683.4399999999999,"endTime":685.42,"body":"organization, because I heard"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":685.42,"endTime":689.8,"body":"about your son, and my son also"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":685.42,"endTime":689.8,"body":"made his transition a year ago."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":690.52,"endTime":695.52,"body":"So someone who I had no idea but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":690.52,"endTime":695.52,"body":"reached out told me again, this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":695.52,"endTime":699.66,"body":"is our language that our sons"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":695.52,"endTime":699.66,"body":"said, Hey, gotta let her know."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":699.72,"endTime":701.76,"body":"You know, her son told my son,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":699.72,"endTime":701.76,"body":"who"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":702.9,"endTime":706.8,"body":"made sure that I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":702.9,"endTime":706.8,"body":"that that connection was made,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":707.52,"endTime":710.5799999999999,"body":"and that is how I found helping"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":707.52,"endTime":710.5799999999999,"body":"parents heal again. As Allison"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":710.5799999999999,"endTime":715.4599999999999,"body":"said, amazing to be able to talk"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":710.5799999999999,"endTime":715.4599999999999,"body":"like this. I cannot talk this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":715.4599999999999,"endTime":720.14,"body":"way to most people, and it's so"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":715.4599999999999,"endTime":720.14,"body":"wonderful to know that, you know"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":720.38,"endTime":723.86,"body":"Brian and Allison and so many"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":720.38,"endTime":723.86,"body":"hundreds of 1000s of others,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":723.86,"endTime":726.56,"body":"actually, where we can't have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":723.86,"endTime":726.56,"body":"this conversation. It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":726.56,"endTime":729.86,"body":"wonderful. Yeah, you know, it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":726.56,"endTime":729.86,"body":"funny, as you say that I it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":729.86,"endTime":732.26,"body":"something I guess I've kind of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":729.86,"endTime":732.26,"body":"started taking for granted,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":732.26,"endTime":735.52,"body":"because I've been part of the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":732.26,"endTime":735.52,"body":"helping parents heal family for,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":736.06,"endTime":739.24,"body":"I guess, about eight years now,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":736.06,"endTime":739.24,"body":"and we've gotten together, we've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":739.24,"endTime":743.3199999999999,"body":"had what, three conferences, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":739.24,"endTime":743.3199999999999,"body":"we talk to each other regularly"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":743.3199999999999,"endTime":746.8,"body":"through zoom meetings and stuff."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":743.3199999999999,"endTime":746.8,"body":"So we talk this way amongst"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":746.8,"endTime":749.74,"body":"ourselves, and I frankly, don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":746.8,"endTime":749.74,"body":"care what other people think. So"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":749.74,"endTime":752.02,"body":"I talk this way among other"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":749.74,"endTime":752.02,"body":"people too, but I know people"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":752.02,"endTime":753.28,"body":"probably think I'm crazy."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":755.14,"endTime":759.9,"body":"Yeah. Oh well,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":755.14,"endTime":759.9,"body":"don't Yeah, it's true. It they"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":759.9,"endTime":763.98,"body":"probably do. There might be a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":759.9,"endTime":763.98,"body":"couple who kind of start to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":763.98,"endTime":766.1999999999999,"body":"resonate a little bit, but"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":763.98,"endTime":766.1999999999999,"body":"they've never really had that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":766.1999999999999,"endTime":770.16,"body":"conversation. It's nice, it's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":766.1999999999999,"endTime":770.16,"body":"good. I think it's important for"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":770.16,"endTime":774.54,"body":"us to start having that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":770.16,"endTime":774.54,"body":"conversation and and let people"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":774.78,"endTime":778.64,"body":"become more comfortable with it,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":774.78,"endTime":778.64,"body":"more aware of it. Yeah, Brian, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":778.64,"endTime":781.8199999999999,"body":"would say one of the things, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":778.64,"endTime":781.8199999999999,"body":"didn't want to stop talking"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":781.8199999999999,"endTime":785.3,"body":"about Davey. I told everybody I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":781.8199999999999,"endTime":785.3,"body":"could when I got a sign, I would"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":785.3,"endTime":789.0799999999999,"body":"tell everybody I just after a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":785.3,"endTime":789.0799999999999,"body":"while, they would call me and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":789.0799999999999,"endTime":791.9599999999999,"body":"go, Hey, I got a sign too. I saw"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":789.0799999999999,"endTime":791.9599999999999,"body":"this. I think it's Davey. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":791.9599999999999,"endTime":795.1999999999999,"body":"they they shared, and they felt"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":791.9599999999999,"endTime":795.1999999999999,"body":"better, especially his friends."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":795.56,"endTime":799.6,"body":"It was like a way for them to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":795.56,"endTime":799.6,"body":"heal too. It wasn't so sad. They"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":799.6,"endTime":801.8199999999999,"body":"were like, Oh, I saw this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":799.6,"endTime":801.8199999999999,"body":"rainbow, and I know it was him"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":801.8199999999999,"endTime":805.36,"body":"or I got they could join in with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":801.8199999999999,"endTime":805.36,"body":"it. And my daughters, we had a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":805.54,"endTime":810.5799999999999,"body":"we made a WhatsApp, and we put"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":805.54,"endTime":810.5799999999999,"body":"all our what we see, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":810.5799999999999,"endTime":813.22,"body":"found this, I saw this, and we"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":810.5799999999999,"endTime":813.22,"body":"share it with each other. Mm,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":813.22,"endTime":813.52,"body":"hmm,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":814.54,"endTime":817.02,"body":"yeah, it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":814.54,"endTime":817.02,"body":"really, it's great, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":817.56,"endTime":820.62,"body":"after I came back from or"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":817.56,"endTime":820.62,"body":"started, you know, working with"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":820.62,"endTime":823.26,"body":"people and helping parents heal"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":820.62,"endTime":823.26,"body":"and stuff, and probably after"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":823.26,"endTime":825.78,"body":"the conference, no before the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":823.26,"endTime":825.78,"body":"first conference, but I talked"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":825.78,"endTime":828.0,"body":"to my friends about signs and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":825.78,"endTime":828.0,"body":"things like that, and then I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":828.0,"endTime":831.12,"body":"found out that, like most of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":828.0,"endTime":831.12,"body":"them, had had signs, but these"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":831.12,"endTime":834.42,"body":"are people I'd known for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":831.12,"endTime":834.42,"body":"literally over 20 years, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":834.42,"endTime":837.38,"body":"nobody ever brought it up. Has"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":834.42,"endTime":837.38,"body":"that been your experience? I see"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":837.38,"endTime":841.8199999999999,"body":"you guys nodding your heads,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":837.38,"endTime":841.8199999999999,"body":"yeah, yep, yeah. It it's true"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":841.8199999999999,"endTime":847.5799999999999,"body":"that some people, those people,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":841.8199999999999,"endTime":847.5799999999999,"body":"will probably let you know, oh,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":847.5799999999999,"endTime":850.16,"body":"really, that that happened to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":847.5799999999999,"endTime":850.16,"body":"you. You know that actually this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":850.16,"endTime":855.88,"body":"happened to me too, and that is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":850.16,"endTime":855.88,"body":"a really wonderful conversation"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":856.06,"endTime":857.26,"body":"to be able to have."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":858.28,"endTime":861.6999999999999,"body":"Yep, so it more"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":858.28,"endTime":861.6999999999999,"body":"people have had these"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":861.6999999999999,"endTime":866.0799999999999,"body":"experiences than maybe want to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":861.6999999999999,"endTime":866.0799999999999,"body":"admit it or talk about it. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":866.0799999999999,"endTime":868.9599999999999,"body":"you know what's great. We know"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":866.0799999999999,"endTime":868.9599999999999,"body":"our kids are here. We know our"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":868.9599999999999,"endTime":871.72,"body":"loved ones are not gone. We"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":868.9599999999999,"endTime":871.72,"body":"we've learned this through our"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":871.72,"endTime":875.3199999999999,"body":"experience, which was a horrible"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":871.72,"endTime":875.3199999999999,"body":"experience to go through, but I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":875.3199999999999,"endTime":878.9399999999999,"body":"also think that's the gift in"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":875.3199999999999,"endTime":878.9399999999999,"body":"it, because I see some people"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":878.9399999999999,"endTime":881.4,"body":"and they're living this life,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":878.9399999999999,"endTime":881.4,"body":"and I called it the treadmill of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":881.4,"endTime":884.1,"body":"life. You know, you were just,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":881.4,"endTime":884.1,"body":"oh, I go to school, and then I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":884.1,"endTime":887.16,"body":"get a job, and then I have a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":884.1,"endTime":887.16,"body":"family, and I did it. I got we"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":887.16,"endTime":889.68,"body":"got thrown off that treadmill,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":887.16,"endTime":889.68,"body":"and we had to find out there's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":889.68,"endTime":892.98,"body":"more to life than that. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":889.68,"endTime":892.98,"body":"so glad I've learned that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":892.98,"endTime":893.9399999999999,"body":"there's more to life."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":895.68,"endTime":897.68,"body":"Yeah, yeah. Well,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":895.68,"endTime":897.68,"body":"that's, that's the silver lining"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":897.68,"endTime":900.26,"body":"that we, that we talk about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":897.68,"endTime":900.26,"body":"helping parents heal, which I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":900.26,"endTime":903.14,"body":"know for people that maybe early"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":900.26,"endTime":903.14,"body":"on in their grief, you know, we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":903.14,"endTime":906.56,"body":"don't want to hear about that,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":903.14,"endTime":906.56,"body":"but for us who have been been"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":906.62,"endTime":911.78,"body":"walking this road for a while,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":906.62,"endTime":911.78,"body":"we do realize that there's some"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":912.1999999999999,"endTime":915.8199999999999,"body":"growth that comes from it. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":912.1999999999999,"endTime":915.8199999999999,"body":"always hesitate to say, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":915.8199999999999,"endTime":919.18,"body":"know, positive or negative or"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":915.8199999999999,"endTime":919.18,"body":"whatever, but it's, there's,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":919.18,"endTime":922.54,"body":"there's something that that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":919.18,"endTime":922.54,"body":"transforms within us, that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":922.54,"endTime":924.9399999999999,"body":"changes everything about the way"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":922.54,"endTime":924.9399999999999,"body":"that we live our lives."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":926.02,"endTime":929.92,"body":"So you both indicate you had,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":926.02,"endTime":929.92,"body":"like, little signs, you know,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":929.92,"endTime":932.86,"body":"well, Allison's maybe a little"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":929.92,"endTime":932.86,"body":"bit bigger, but Dolores, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":932.86,"endTime":935.1999999999999,"body":"know, that little sign just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":932.86,"endTime":935.1999999999999,"body":"that, just that turn and saying"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":935.1999999999999,"endTime":939.78,"body":"goodbye the second time, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":935.1999999999999,"endTime":939.78,"body":"with me, we had I didn't even"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":939.78,"endTime":943.4399999999999,"body":"know about it, though, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":939.78,"endTime":943.4399999999999,"body":"Shayna passed June 24 so"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":943.4399999999999,"endTime":947.28,"body":"Mother's Day, so probably six"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":943.4399999999999,"endTime":947.28,"body":"weeks before, she was with her"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":947.28,"endTime":950.3399999999999,"body":"sister and some cousins at my"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":947.28,"endTime":950.3399999999999,"body":"brother's house, and they were"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":950.3399999999999,"endTime":954.24,"body":"outside playing. Shayna was 15"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":950.3399999999999,"endTime":954.24,"body":"and Kayla was 18, and Shayna,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":954.24,"endTime":957.26,"body":"just out of the blue, said, When"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":954.24,"endTime":957.26,"body":"I die, I want to be cremated and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":957.26,"endTime":960.68,"body":"have my ashes buried under a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":957.26,"endTime":960.68,"body":"tree. Now I didn't know this,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":961.1,"endTime":964.28,"body":"and so, you know, fast forward,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":961.1,"endTime":964.28,"body":"six weeks later, she passes"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":964.28,"endTime":968.3,"body":"away, and we're deciding what to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":964.28,"endTime":968.3,"body":"do with her body. And my wife"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":968.3,"endTime":971.24,"body":"and I said, we think we want to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":968.3,"endTime":971.24,"body":"have her body cremated, but we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":971.24,"endTime":974.12,"body":"need to get run this by Kayla"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":971.24,"endTime":974.12,"body":"and see what she thinks. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":974.12,"endTime":975.1999999999999,"body":"Kayla goes, Yeah, that's what"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":974.12,"endTime":975.1999999999999,"body":"she."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":975.28,"endTime":978.22,"body":"Want it. And we said, Well, what"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":975.28,"endTime":978.22,"body":"do you mean? And she said, she"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":978.22,"endTime":982.12,"body":"tells us a story, and we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":978.22,"endTime":982.12,"body":"like, Well, were you talking"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":982.12,"endTime":987.16,"body":"about this? She goes, No. Shayna"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":982.12,"endTime":987.16,"body":"just said it out of the blue. So"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":987.22,"endTime":990.1,"body":"these are these, and as you guys"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":987.22,"endTime":990.1,"body":"are both telling your stories,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":990.1,"endTime":992.8,"body":"I'm getting goosebumps again."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":990.1,"endTime":992.8,"body":"You know, I'm getting goosebumps"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":992.8,"endTime":997.4399999999999,"body":"because we do get these. You"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":992.8,"endTime":997.4399999999999,"body":"know, life is not as as cut and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":997.4399999999999,"endTime":1000.26,"body":"dried or black and white as we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":997.4399999999999,"endTime":1000.26,"body":"think it is. There's this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1000.26,"endTime":1003.26,"body":"magical stuff going on"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1000.26,"endTime":1003.26,"body":"underneath the surface. If we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1003.26,"endTime":1004.16,"body":"take a look at it,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1006.1999999999999,"endTime":1010.88,"body":"oh, absolutely it."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1006.1999999999999,"endTime":1010.88,"body":"It is there."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1012.86,"endTime":1016.48,"body":"There are people who just only"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1012.86,"endTime":1016.48,"body":"want to see, as we all know,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1016.48,"endTime":1019.0,"body":"just this, what's right here in"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1016.48,"endTime":1019.0,"body":"front of us, what we can taste"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1019.0,"endTime":1021.88,"body":"and touch and see and feel you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1019.0,"endTime":1021.88,"body":"and all of that. But we all have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1021.88,"endTime":1024.76,"body":"that extra sense, that sixth"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1021.88,"endTime":1024.76,"body":"sense, if you want to call it,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1024.76,"endTime":1026.56,"body":"that, that goes beyond."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1027.64,"endTime":1033.88,"body":"Some people are open to it. Some"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1027.64,"endTime":1033.88,"body":"people are allow it in. Others"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1033.94,"endTime":1038.16,"body":"don't. Or if it does come in,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1033.94,"endTime":1038.16,"body":"they'll just say, discount it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1038.16,"endTime":1041.82,"body":"and say that was strange. That"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1038.16,"endTime":1041.82,"body":"was weird. What was that? And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1041.82,"endTime":1044.04,"body":"not think about it again. But"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1041.82,"endTime":1044.04,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1045.24,"endTime":1048.24,"body":"it is there. And what we've"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1045.24,"endTime":1048.24,"body":"learning to do in this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1048.24,"endTime":1054.84,"body":"organization helping parents"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1048.24,"endTime":1054.84,"body":"heal is notice to see and trust,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1054.84,"endTime":1058.64,"body":"trust that that is our child,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1054.84,"endTime":1058.64,"body":"any other loved ones, maybe that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1058.64,"endTime":1059.6000000000001,"body":"have passed as well,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1060.98,"endTime":1064.58,"body":"and it's all around"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1060.98,"endTime":1064.58,"body":"in so many ways. Yeah. So I'd"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1064.58,"endTime":1067.7,"body":"like to ask each of you that,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1064.58,"endTime":1067.7,"body":"what were your beliefs and about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1067.7,"endTime":1071.6000000000001,"body":"the afterlife before your before"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1067.7,"endTime":1071.6000000000001,"body":"your children transitioned? It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1072.08,"endTime":1075.76,"body":"not something a lot of us think"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1072.08,"endTime":1075.76,"body":"a lot about. So did you have any"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1075.76,"endTime":1076.9,"body":"beliefs, and what were they?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1078.52,"endTime":1081.28,"body":"I'll go first. I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1078.52,"endTime":1081.28,"body":"grew up going to Catholic"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1081.28,"endTime":1086.26,"body":"Church. I didn't ever resonate"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1081.28,"endTime":1086.26,"body":"with the message, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1086.26,"endTime":1089.68,"body":"was brought to the church and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1086.26,"endTime":1089.68,"body":"but I liked the music and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1089.68,"endTime":1093.28,"body":"liked the church. I that really"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1089.68,"endTime":1093.28,"body":"got to me. You know, the music"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1093.28,"endTime":1097.44,"body":"would just fill my heart. And so"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1093.28,"endTime":1097.44,"body":"I I kind of did that with my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1097.44,"endTime":1100.92,"body":"kids, because I wanted them to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1097.44,"endTime":1100.92,"body":"have something, but I know I was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1100.92,"endTime":1103.86,"body":"searching for something more. So"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1100.92,"endTime":1103.86,"body":"I started when they were a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1103.86,"endTime":1106.5,"body":"little bit older. I started"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1103.86,"endTime":1106.5,"body":"going to other churches. I feel"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1106.5,"endTime":1110.22,"body":"like I was, like, seeking, and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1106.5,"endTime":1110.22,"body":"would do it on my own, and then"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1110.22,"endTime":1112.2,"body":"bring them, but then they would"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1110.22,"endTime":1112.2,"body":"be like, What are you doing,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1112.2,"endTime":1118.04,"body":"mom? So I was searching. And so"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1112.2,"endTime":1118.04,"body":"I think this was part of my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1118.04,"endTime":1120.98,"body":"journey, you know, like I was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1118.04,"endTime":1120.98,"body":"already. I had listened to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1120.98,"endTime":1123.74,"body":"people like Abraham Hicks, which"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1120.98,"endTime":1123.74,"body":"I know a lot of people would"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1123.74,"endTime":1126.26,"body":"say, Wow, what is it? But I was,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1123.74,"endTime":1126.26,"body":"you know, what I knew about that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1126.26,"endTime":1128.6,"body":"I didn't understand channeling."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1126.26,"endTime":1128.6,"body":"I didn't understand what she"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1128.6,"endTime":1131.72,"body":"said, non physical. I was like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1128.6,"endTime":1131.72,"body":"I don't know, but I loved the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1131.72,"endTime":1135.76,"body":"loving message. And I was a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1131.72,"endTime":1135.76,"body":"worrier. I was worrying about my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1135.76,"endTime":1139.06,"body":"kids, I sometimes wonder about"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1135.76,"endTime":1139.06,"body":"this, like, did part of me know"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1139.72,"endTime":1143.08,"body":"something was coming and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1139.72,"endTime":1143.08,"body":"wanted something to teach me not"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1143.08,"endTime":1145.78,"body":"to worry? And her message was,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1143.08,"endTime":1145.78,"body":"focus on what you want for your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1145.78,"endTime":1149.26,"body":"kids, not what you don't. So I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1145.78,"endTime":1149.26,"body":"was there Brian. That was what"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1149.26,"endTime":1152.68,"body":"was happening to me. So when"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1149.26,"endTime":1152.68,"body":"this happened, I was like, whoa."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1152.68,"endTime":1157.74,"body":"This. This is all playing out,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1152.68,"endTime":1157.74,"body":"you know? Yeah, yeah. How about"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1157.74,"endTime":1163.98,"body":"you? Dolores. I also was raised"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1157.74,"endTime":1163.98,"body":"Catholic. I I did. I went to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1163.98,"endTime":1168.36,"body":"Catholic schools as well, from"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1163.98,"endTime":1168.36,"body":"first grade through high school."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1168.66,"endTime":1175.2,"body":"I had a great experience. I was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1168.66,"endTime":1175.2,"body":"into it. I always believed that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1175.2,"endTime":1176.18,"body":"there was more"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1177.32,"endTime":1181.1,"body":"and always prayed."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1177.32,"endTime":1181.1,"body":"And my prayer changed, and it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1181.1,"endTime":1183.98,"body":"became not just, you know,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1181.1,"endTime":1183.98,"body":"formal prayers, but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1184.28,"endTime":1188.78,"body":"conversation. I had all that I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1184.28,"endTime":1188.78,"body":"remember, even within that year"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1188.78,"endTime":1191.36,"body":"previous to Eric's accent,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1188.78,"endTime":1191.36,"body":"which, by the way, was 2017"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1192.86,"endTime":1197.8,"body":"that I just felt joy. I would"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1192.86,"endTime":1197.8,"body":"sit and look at the trees and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1197.8,"endTime":1201.1,"body":"the birds, and I just felt all"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1197.8,"endTime":1201.1,"body":"that. And then when this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1201.1,"endTime":1205.42,"body":"happened, everything exploded."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1201.1,"endTime":1205.42,"body":"And I was angry."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1206.62,"endTime":1210.58,"body":"I thought I was a good person,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1206.62,"endTime":1210.58,"body":"and that this why, you know,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1210.58,"endTime":1213.34,"body":"wasn't supposed to happen. That"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1210.58,"endTime":1213.34,"body":"was one of the my mantras in the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1213.34,"endTime":1218.3999999999999,"body":"beginning, this was not supposed"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1213.34,"endTime":1218.3999999999999,"body":"to happen. I So, and I in my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1218.3999999999999,"endTime":1223.98,"body":"prayers, I was angry at God and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1218.3999999999999,"endTime":1223.98,"body":"saying, You better effing"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1224.52,"endTime":1229.5,"body":"explain to me what's going on"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1224.52,"endTime":1229.5,"body":"here. I want to know why and the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1229.5,"endTime":1232.08,"body":"interesting. And that's what I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1229.5,"endTime":1232.08,"body":"said every night. I was no"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1232.08,"endTime":1237.5,"body":"longer sweet. I was direct about"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1232.08,"endTime":1237.5,"body":"that. As time went by, the books"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1237.5,"endTime":1241.58,"body":"came to me, and I began to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1237.5,"endTime":1241.58,"body":"understand more and more this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1241.58,"endTime":1246.8,"body":"idea I had of God in a box was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1241.58,"endTime":1246.8,"body":"just expanding and expanding,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1247.04,"endTime":1251.12,"body":"and still isn't, hasn't stopped."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1247.04,"endTime":1251.12,"body":"And so now I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1253.6399999999999,"endTime":1257.92,"body":"there's just the idea of heaven,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1253.6399999999999,"endTime":1257.92,"body":"I knew there was. But now"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1257.92,"endTime":1261.94,"body":"hearing near death experiencers"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1257.92,"endTime":1261.94,"body":"and other people with maybe"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1261.94,"endTime":1265.8999999999999,"body":"mediums or whoever that have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1261.94,"endTime":1265.8999999999999,"body":"more to say about that, it's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1265.8999999999999,"endTime":1269.86,"body":"been so comforting and helpful"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1265.8999999999999,"endTime":1269.86,"body":"to know more details. The other"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1269.86,"endTime":1272.2,"body":"thing, by the way, is heaven. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1269.86,"endTime":1272.2,"body":"used to think was somewhere far"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1272.2,"endTime":1274.6,"body":"away, and it was tucked away,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1272.2,"endTime":1274.6,"body":"and that's where everybody went,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1274.6,"endTime":1275.2,"body":"you know. And then."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1275.28,"endTime":1278.76,"body":"Day, you'd go there and oh no,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1275.28,"endTime":1278.76,"body":"it's here. It's right here. And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1278.76,"endTime":1281.6399999999999,"body":"so that's something else I've"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1278.76,"endTime":1281.6399999999999,"body":"learned, and that's why they are"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1281.6399999999999,"endTime":1287.82,"body":"here. And God is not a man in"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1281.6399999999999,"endTime":1287.82,"body":"the sky, you know, dredging you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1288.24,"endTime":1293.58,"body":"that it's the most is the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1288.24,"endTime":1293.58,"body":"Creator. God is the Creator, the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1293.58,"endTime":1299.24,"body":"source of all love, not male or"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1293.58,"endTime":1299.24,"body":"female, this whole energy. So"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1299.3,"endTime":1302.66,"body":"there's just so much, and it's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1299.3,"endTime":1302.66,"body":"continuing. And I think it's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1302.66,"endTime":1307.58,"body":"just awesome. It's an I'm so I'm"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1302.66,"endTime":1307.58,"body":"glad to know what I know now."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1308.84,"endTime":1310.6399999999999,"body":"Yeah, you said"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1308.84,"endTime":1310.6399999999999,"body":"something. I think a couple of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1310.6399999999999,"endTime":1313.6399999999999,"body":"things, I think there are I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1310.6399999999999,"endTime":1313.6399999999999,"body":"could really resonate with. You"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1313.6399999999999,"endTime":1318.3999999999999,"body":"know, this idea of God as being"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1313.6399999999999,"endTime":1318.3999999999999,"body":"a man in the sky, which I think"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1318.3999999999999,"endTime":1322.24,"body":"a lot of people let's, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1318.3999999999999,"endTime":1322.24,"body":"say, outgrow right at some"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1322.24,"endTime":1324.8799999999999,"body":"point. And then then they said,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1322.24,"endTime":1324.8799999999999,"body":"well, there's, there's, then"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1324.8799999999999,"endTime":1327.7,"body":"there's no creator, there's no"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1324.8799999999999,"endTime":1327.7,"body":"intelligence. It's just all,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1327.7,"endTime":1330.3999999999999,"body":"it's all random, because they"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1327.7,"endTime":1330.3999999999999,"body":"see what they were taught in"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1330.3999999999999,"endTime":1333.8799999999999,"body":"Sunday school, and it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1330.3999999999999,"endTime":1333.8799999999999,"body":"really make a lot of sense. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1333.94,"endTime":1337.3799999999999,"body":"and even if you believe, as we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1333.94,"endTime":1337.3799999999999,"body":"were taught, that there's a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1337.3799999999999,"endTime":1341.3999999999999,"body":"heaven, it's a long way away,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1337.3799999999999,"endTime":1341.3999999999999,"body":"right? It's out of touch, it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1405.36,"endTime":1409.6200000000001,"body":"out of sight, it's out of reach,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1405.36,"endTime":1409.6200000000001,"body":"and we'll get there one day. But"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1410.1,"endTime":1412.74,"body":"did either one of you? Well, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1410.1,"endTime":1412.74,"body":"said, Delores, you immediately"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1412.74,"endTime":1415.98,"body":"start communicating with Eric."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1412.74,"endTime":1415.98,"body":"How about you? Allison, oh,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1415.98,"endTime":1418.92,"body":"yeah, immediately. And it was"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":1415.98,"endTime":1418.92,"body":"interesting."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1420.3,"endTime":1423.14,"body":"I was and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1420.3,"endTime":1423.14,"body":"didn't, but I didn't trust it"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1423.26,"endTime":1425.66,"body":"right away, right? I was like, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1423.26,"endTime":1425.66,"body":"know I'm doing this, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1425.66,"endTime":1428.1200000000001,"body":"hearing him. I'm like, I'm still"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1425.66,"endTime":1428.1200000000001,"body":"your mom, I'm still your mom."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1428.1200000000001,"endTime":1430.22,"body":"And I hit, I'm here, I'm still,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1428.1200000000001,"endTime":1430.22,"body":"you're still my mom. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1430.22,"endTime":1431.48,"body":"you're still my mom, you know."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1432.6200000000001,"endTime":1436.04,"body":"But it was an Abraham Hicks. I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1432.6200000000001,"endTime":1436.04,"body":"put in abraham hicks loss of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1436.04,"endTime":1440.74,"body":"child like day three, and she,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1436.04,"endTime":1440.74,"body":"she says, I can make you feel"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1440.74,"endTime":1445.3,"body":"better right now. And I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1440.74,"endTime":1445.3,"body":"and she said, your child's not"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1445.3,"endTime":1445.78,"body":"gone."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1446.86,"endTime":1451.24,"body":"And I go, I knew it, you know? I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1446.86,"endTime":1451.24,"body":"was like, hi, I know that's what"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1451.24,"endTime":1454.42,"body":"I feel. And so then it was just,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1451.24,"endTime":1454.42,"body":"I had to learn about the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1454.42,"endTime":1457.24,"body":"afterlife. I had to know where"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1454.42,"endTime":1457.24,"body":"he was. I had to, I feel like I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1457.24,"endTime":1463.14,"body":"got my PhD and still getting it"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1457.24,"endTime":1463.14,"body":"in the afterlife. And it, you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1463.14,"endTime":1466.32,"body":"know, I've had amazing"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1463.14,"endTime":1466.32,"body":"experiences where you cannot"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1466.32,"endTime":1471.42,"body":"explain, you can't explain what"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1466.32,"endTime":1471.42,"body":"happened, except that I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1471.42,"endTime":1474.78,"body":"connected to him. Yeah, let's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1471.42,"endTime":1474.78,"body":"talk about some of the signs you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1474.78,"endTime":1477.72,"body":"guys have gotten from your kids."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1474.78,"endTime":1477.72,"body":"Give me one or two of your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1477.72,"endTime":1478.26,"body":"favorites."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1480.06,"endTime":1480.6200000000001,"body":"Well,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1482.6,"endTime":1487.88,"body":"by the way, I want to Allison"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1482.6,"endTime":1487.88,"body":"had a beautiful story of a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1487.88,"endTime":1492.02,"body":"connection with David at a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1487.88,"endTime":1492.02,"body":"wedding. And when we discussed"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1492.02,"endTime":1495.02,"body":"this before, I hadn't brought up"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1492.02,"endTime":1495.02,"body":"that, yeah, and I'd look,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1495.08,"endTime":1497.42,"body":"that's, this is the one I'd like"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1495.08,"endTime":1497.42,"body":"to start with. And then I have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1497.42,"endTime":1501.34,"body":"another really cool one, but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1497.42,"endTime":1501.34,"body":"also at a wedding. First time"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1501.34,"endTime":1504.82,"body":"you go, this was about a year"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1501.34,"endTime":1504.82,"body":"and a half. My daughter was in a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1504.82,"endTime":1508.24,"body":"friend's wedding, and there I am"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1504.82,"endTime":1508.24,"body":"thinking, Oh, how am I going to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1508.24,"endTime":1510.82,"body":"get through this knowing I will"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1508.24,"endTime":1510.82,"body":"never go to my son's wedding?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1512.08,"endTime":1514.72,"body":"You know, we get there, it's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1512.08,"endTime":1514.72,"body":"It's lovely, it's outdoors,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1514.72,"endTime":1518.08,"body":"everything's fine. And just like"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1514.72,"endTime":1518.08,"body":"Allison told in her story, as"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1518.08,"endTime":1523.74,"body":"soon as the mom comes down with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1518.08,"endTime":1523.74,"body":"with her son. I just the tear. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1523.74,"endTime":1527.46,"body":"just, I just stood the, you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1523.74,"endTime":1527.46,"body":"know, I didn't, I wasn't noisy"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1527.46,"endTime":1531.6,"body":"or anything, but oh my gosh, the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1527.46,"endTime":1531.6,"body":"tears were just pouring down my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1531.6,"endTime":1539.28,"body":"cheeks. And in that moment for"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1531.6,"endTime":1539.28,"body":"me, in my third eye, was Eric."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1539.28,"endTime":1544.82,"body":"He was there in a dark suit, a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1539.28,"endTime":1544.82,"body":"suit with a dark blue shirt and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1544.82,"endTime":1550.82,"body":"a tie, and he was just there for"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1544.82,"endTime":1550.82,"body":"me. And this went on from about"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1550.82,"endTime":1554.48,"body":"15 minutes, I assumed I was fine"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1550.82,"endTime":1554.48,"body":"crying because everyone would"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1554.48,"endTime":1556.52,"body":"go, Oh, it's a wedding. You"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1554.48,"endTime":1556.52,"body":"know, people crying, right? So I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1556.52,"endTime":1560.44,"body":"didn't think anyone was going to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1556.52,"endTime":1560.44,"body":"wonder. But I wasn't leaving"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1560.44,"endTime":1564.46,"body":"yet. I sat through the ceremony,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1560.44,"endTime":1564.46,"body":"and then, of course, after that,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1564.46,"endTime":1567.52,"body":"I had to go to the restroom and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1564.46,"endTime":1567.52,"body":"clean my face and everything,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1567.52,"endTime":1571.9,"body":"and just feel better a little"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1567.52,"endTime":1571.9,"body":"bit. But he was there, and he"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1571.9,"endTime":1577.1200000000001,"body":"was letting me know he was right"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1571.9,"endTime":1577.1200000000001,"body":"there. It was clear as day. It"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1577.1200000000001,"endTime":1581.04,"body":"was amazing. And the other thing"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1577.1200000000001,"endTime":1581.04,"body":"I would love to share"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1584.04,"endTime":1589.8,"body":"when I went to Prague with my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1584.04,"endTime":1589.8,"body":"husband and two friends, couple,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1589.86,"endTime":1593.88,"body":"a couple, and I knew Eric had"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1589.86,"endTime":1593.88,"body":"spent time during his study"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1593.88,"endTime":1597.42,"body":"abroad. He had gone to Madrid,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1593.88,"endTime":1597.42,"body":"but he then backpacked around,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1597.9,"endTime":1600.02,"body":"you know, different cities in"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1597.9,"endTime":1600.02,"body":"Europe. So we went to Prague,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1600.02,"endTime":1603.14,"body":"and I'm like, Oh, I know you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1600.02,"endTime":1603.14,"body":"were here, Eric, this is cool."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1603.38,"endTime":1606.74,"body":"Oh, yeah. And we went to the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1603.38,"endTime":1606.74,"body":"castle. And in the castle is"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1606.74,"endTime":1609.74,"body":"this very old church, I think"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1606.74,"endTime":1609.74,"body":"it's from the 13 or 1400s the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1609.74,"endTime":1612.86,"body":"saint Vita. I believe I could be"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1609.74,"endTime":1612.86,"body":"wrong. But anyway, you gotta"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1612.86,"endTime":1617.9,"body":"climb this spiral staircase of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1612.86,"endTime":1617.9,"body":"about 200 steps. Maybe, no,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1617.9,"endTime":1620.44,"body":"maybe it was more 250 or"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1617.9,"endTime":1620.44,"body":"something, but it was really"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1620.44,"endTime":1624.64,"body":"quite A a trek up. I'm we're"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1620.44,"endTime":1624.64,"body":"going up this, you know, I'm in"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1624.64,"endTime":1629.2,"body":"front and my husband and then my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1624.64,"endTime":1629.2,"body":"two friends behind, and we're"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1629.2,"endTime":1631.48,"body":"kind of laughing, and because"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1629.2,"endTime":1631.48,"body":"we're huffing and puffing, and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1631.48,"endTime":1634.18,"body":"it's like, oh, the old people"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1631.48,"endTime":1634.18,"body":"gotta get up there. I look back"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1634.36,"endTime":1638.6200000000001,"body":"and laughing. And right between"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1634.36,"endTime":1638.6200000000001,"body":"my husband and my friend Linda,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1638.6200000000001,"endTime":1638.68,"body":"I."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1639.3,"endTime":1641.88,"body":"Is Eric, and he was a little"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1643.02,"endTime":1647.22,"body":"holographic, a little bit of a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1643.02,"endTime":1647.22,"body":"translucent, slightly, but not"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1647.22,"endTime":1651.06,"body":"totally solid, obviously, but he"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1647.22,"endTime":1651.06,"body":"I see what he was wearing, his"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1651.06,"endTime":1654.36,"body":"jeans, his shirt, his T shirt"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1651.06,"endTime":1654.36,"body":"is, you know, kind of a jacket,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1654.54,"endTime":1657.96,"body":"Army colored jacket. And he's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1654.54,"endTime":1657.96,"body":"just kind of like he's walking"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1657.96,"endTime":1661.76,"body":"up with us when we get to the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1657.96,"endTime":1661.76,"body":"top. And these were friends. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1661.76,"endTime":1665.54,"body":"could tell that too. I said"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1661.76,"endTime":1665.54,"body":"Aaron was walking up there with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1665.54,"endTime":1669.2,"body":"us. They loved it. They were all"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":1665.54,"endTime":1669.2,"body":"like, Wow, that's amazing."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1670.22,"endTime":1673.1,"body":"So in that case,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1670.22,"endTime":1673.1,"body":"I was able to just see him for a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1673.1,"endTime":1677.66,"body":"few seconds, I guess, wow. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1673.1,"endTime":1677.66,"body":"That was like, Okay, you're with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1677.66,"endTime":1682.84,"body":"us. Great. Yeah. How about you,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1677.66,"endTime":1682.84,"body":"Allison, so the story Dolores"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1682.84,"endTime":1686.08,"body":"was talking to was, I've had so"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1682.84,"endTime":1686.08,"body":"many but this one was the one"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1686.08,"endTime":1689.74,"body":"where I knew I'm talking I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1686.08,"endTime":1689.74,"body":"connecting with Davey. So"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1691.42,"endTime":1694.36,"body":"right after Davey transitioned,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1691.42,"endTime":1694.36,"body":"we had to go to a wedding a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1694.36,"endTime":1696.7,"body":"couple months after. And I was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1694.36,"endTime":1696.7,"body":"like, Alright, I can do this,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1696.7,"endTime":1699.46,"body":"because my girls are in the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1696.7,"endTime":1699.46,"body":"wedding. And they're like, we're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1699.46,"endTime":1703.56,"body":"not gone. You know, you still"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1699.46,"endTime":1703.56,"body":"gotta be there for us. So I go"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1703.56,"endTime":1706.26,"body":"to this wedding, and I'm doing"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1703.56,"endTime":1706.26,"body":"great, and then the Mother Son"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1706.26,"endTime":1709.74,"body":"dance happens. I wasn't even"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1706.26,"endTime":1709.74,"body":"thinking this, and all I thought"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1709.74,"endTime":1713.82,"body":"was, I will never have that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1709.74,"endTime":1713.82,"body":"Mother Son dance. So I just got"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1713.82,"endTime":1716.1,"body":"up like the Lord said, and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1713.82,"endTime":1716.1,"body":"walk, went to the bathroom, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1716.1,"endTime":1718.5,"body":"just did the wave of pride. You"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1716.1,"endTime":1718.5,"body":"know how it comes you just, you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1718.5,"endTime":1720.6200000000001,"body":"don't even expect it, right?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1718.5,"endTime":1720.6200000000001,"body":"You'll be in the grocery store,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1720.6200000000001,"endTime":1724.88,"body":"and it'll just happen to you,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1720.6200000000001,"endTime":1724.88,"body":"but it happened, um, and then"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1724.88,"endTime":1727.82,"body":"the weddings after that, my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1724.88,"endTime":1727.82,"body":"family would put like a baby in"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1727.82,"endTime":1731.3,"body":"my arms during that time, or do"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1727.82,"endTime":1731.3,"body":"something, right? Well, my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1731.3,"endTime":1734.78,"body":"nephew, who was Davey's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1731.3,"endTime":1734.78,"body":"counterpart, my sister's son,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1734.96,"endTime":1738.86,"body":"they were best buddies, was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1734.96,"endTime":1738.86,"body":"getting married, and I went into"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1738.86,"endTime":1742.72,"body":"meditation a couple weeks before"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1738.86,"endTime":1742.72,"body":"the wedding, and I, because I do"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1742.72,"endTime":1745.42,"body":"that with Davey, I will sit in"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1742.72,"endTime":1745.42,"body":"meditation, I'll talk to him."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1746.6200000000001,"endTime":1748.84,"body":"And I said, I don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1746.6200000000001,"endTime":1748.84,"body":"sad at this wedding."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1750.1,"endTime":1752.74,"body":"I don't want to I wanted that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1750.1,"endTime":1752.74,"body":"dance with you. And he's like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1752.74,"endTime":1755.5,"body":"Mom, I want you to close your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1752.74,"endTime":1755.5,"body":"eyes. I don't want you to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1755.5,"endTime":1759.6,"body":"picture us dancing. So I picture"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1755.5,"endTime":1759.6,"body":"that. But then he did something,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1759.6,"endTime":1762.96,"body":"and he showed me. I'm at the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1759.6,"endTime":1762.96,"body":"wedding, Billy's wedding with my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1762.96,"endTime":1767.58,"body":"sister, and Billy and my sister"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1762.96,"endTime":1767.58,"body":"are dancing, and my sister stops"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1767.58,"endTime":1770.64,"body":"halfway through and comes and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1767.58,"endTime":1770.64,"body":"gets me and brings me on the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1770.64,"endTime":1772.08,"body":"dance floor, dancing with Billy."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1773.34,"endTime":1777.3,"body":"And then it turns into Davey and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1773.34,"endTime":1777.3,"body":"I dancing. And I'm like, Okay, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1777.3,"endTime":1780.8,"body":"got my dance. That was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1777.3,"endTime":1780.8,"body":"beautiful. I'm feeling good. I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1780.8,"endTime":1784.28,"body":"get to the wedding, and at the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1780.8,"endTime":1784.28,"body":"time's coming, where my sister's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1784.28,"endTime":1787.04,"body":"going to dance with Billy, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1784.28,"endTime":1787.04,"body":"my mom comes and gets me, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1787.04,"endTime":1790.1,"body":"she's kind of holding me, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1787.04,"endTime":1790.1,"body":"they're out there dancing. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1790.1,"endTime":1794.1200000000001,"body":"halfway through, my sister comes"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1790.1,"endTime":1794.1200000000001,"body":"and gets me and brings me out to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1794.1200000000001,"endTime":1799.36,"body":"Billy, and I'm like, what this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1794.1200000000001,"endTime":1799.36,"body":"is actually happening, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1799.36,"endTime":1802.18,"body":"dancing with Billy, and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1799.36,"endTime":1802.18,"body":"transform, and I'm dancing with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1802.18,"endTime":1802.42,"body":"Davey,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1803.44,"endTime":1807.58,"body":"and my mind is exploding because"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1803.44,"endTime":1807.58,"body":"I'm like, I saw this. He told me"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1807.58,"endTime":1810.64,"body":"this would happen. How is this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1807.58,"endTime":1810.64,"body":"happening? You know? So the next"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1810.64,"endTime":1814.9,"body":"day, I say to my sister, you're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1810.64,"endTime":1814.9,"body":"not going to believe this, but I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1815.5,"endTime":1818.2,"body":"knew this was going to happen"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1815.5,"endTime":1818.2,"body":"ahead of time. Davey told me,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1818.2,"endTime":1821.64,"body":"and she goes, you're not going"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1818.2,"endTime":1821.64,"body":"to believe this, but I was out"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1821.64,"endTime":1825.06,"body":"on a walk, and I Davey came to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1821.64,"endTime":1825.06,"body":"me and said, you have to do"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1825.06,"endTime":1829.26,"body":"this. And Billy called me and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1825.06,"endTime":1829.26,"body":"said, Mom, I got this message"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1829.26,"endTime":1831.84,"body":"from Davey, we have to do this."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1829.26,"endTime":1831.84,"body":"And they were the only two that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1831.84,"endTime":1835.6200000000001,"body":"knew, and they were afraid to do"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1831.84,"endTime":1835.6200000000001,"body":"it, because they said that they"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1835.6200000000001,"endTime":1837.84,"body":"might look like their"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1835.6200000000001,"endTime":1837.84,"body":"grandstanding or doing some, you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1837.84,"endTime":1840.8,"body":"know, something that would upset"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1837.84,"endTime":1840.8,"body":"my family. And they were like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1840.8,"endTime":1845.9,"body":"we just knew we had to do it. So"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1840.8,"endTime":1845.9,"body":"I knew in that moment, okay, I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1845.9,"endTime":1848.72,"body":"communicating with them, wow,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1845.9,"endTime":1848.72,"body":"wow."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1849.98,"endTime":1852.8,"body":"And anyone can do this, Brian,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1849.98,"endTime":1852.8,"body":"this is what I'm saying. I don't"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1852.8,"endTime":1855.92,"body":"feel like I have any special"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1852.8,"endTime":1855.92,"body":"gifts I never have. And I think"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1856.34,"endTime":1858.74,"body":"that was maybe one of my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1856.34,"endTime":1858.74,"body":"challenges I feel now in this"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1858.74,"endTime":1862.72,"body":"lifetime, is to not have these"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1858.74,"endTime":1862.72,"body":"instant gifts, but have to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1862.72,"endTime":1863.5,"body":"trust,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1864.58,"endTime":1869.74,"body":"trust in what I think. So I get"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1864.58,"endTime":1869.74,"body":"quiet. I picture him coming and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1931.96,"endTime":1935.14,"body":"sitting talking to me. It's and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1931.96,"endTime":1935.14,"body":"my body, you know what? Brett,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1935.14,"endTime":1937.48,"body":"my body doesn't know the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1935.14,"endTime":1937.48,"body":"difference that he's not sitting"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1937.48,"endTime":1942.24,"body":"right there and not physically"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1937.48,"endTime":1942.24,"body":"with me. My body comes down. It"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1942.24,"endTime":1946.2,"body":"gets Oh, feels so good. And so I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1942.24,"endTime":1946.2,"body":"got used to that, because I do"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1946.2,"endTime":1949.2,"body":"that all the time. I talk to him"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1946.2,"endTime":1949.2,"body":"on walks. I talk to him when I'm"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1949.2,"endTime":1954.0,"body":"driving. I've learned my mantra"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1949.2,"endTime":1954.0,"body":"I said every day was I want to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1954.0,"endTime":1957.42,"body":"feel you so spiritually. I don't"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1954.0,"endTime":1957.42,"body":"miss you so badly physically."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1957.96,"endTime":1961.56,"body":"And that's what I've done. Wow,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1957.96,"endTime":1961.56,"body":"my body now just is used to him"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1961.56,"endTime":1965.42,"body":"of being around, yeah, anybody"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1961.56,"endTime":1965.42,"body":"can do that. Anybody could,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1966.38,"endTime":1969.8600000000001,"body":"yeah, you know, it's interesting"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1966.38,"endTime":1969.8600000000001,"body":"when we talk about special"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1969.8600000000001,"endTime":1974.1200000000001,"body":"abilities. And I'm, I'm a very"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1969.8600000000001,"endTime":1974.1200000000001,"body":"rational left brain person"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1974.18,"endTime":1979.52,"body":"engineer, and I tell people I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1974.18,"endTime":1979.52,"body":"don't have intuition, you know,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1979.58,"endTime":1983.38,"body":"but I realized that we all do,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1979.58,"endTime":1983.38,"body":"and we get things different"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1983.38,"endTime":1988.0,"body":"ways. And sometimes people out"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1983.38,"endTime":1988.0,"body":"no other people say things in"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1988.0,"endTime":1991.1200000000001,"body":"certain way that sounds so"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1988.0,"endTime":1991.1200000000001,"body":"certain. And I was, I remember"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1991.72,"endTime":1995.74,"body":"when I was a little kid in"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1991.72,"endTime":1995.74,"body":"church, people would say, God"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1995.74,"endTime":1999.28,"body":"told me this, or God told me"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1995.74,"endTime":1999.28,"body":"that, and I would say, God's not"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1999.28,"endTime":2001.38,"body":"talking to me. What's going on?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":1999.28,"endTime":2001.38,"body":"Why is God talking."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2001.46,"endTime":2003.26,"body":"And all these"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2001.46,"endTime":2003.26,"body":"people, but he doesn't talk to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2003.26,"endTime":2005.9,"body":"me. So I'm always, I'm also the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2003.26,"endTime":2005.9,"body":"person who's always asking"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2005.9,"endTime":2008.48,"body":"questions. So I'm like, I would"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2005.9,"endTime":2008.48,"body":"go to people like, Well, what do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2008.48,"endTime":2011.8400000000001,"body":"you mean, God told you, did you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2008.48,"endTime":2011.8400000000001,"body":"was it like a voice in your ear?"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2012.14,"endTime":2015.26,"body":"Was it a burning bush, like"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2012.14,"endTime":2015.26,"body":"Moses got I mean, how did God"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2015.26,"endTime":2018.32,"body":"tell you this? Oh, no, it's just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2015.26,"endTime":2018.32,"body":"kind of a, you know, it's like"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2018.32,"endTime":2020.72,"body":"a, knowing, it's a thing that,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2018.32,"endTime":2020.72,"body":"you know, it's internal voice,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2020.72,"endTime":2025.06,"body":"whatever. I'm like, Oh, well, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2020.72,"endTime":2025.06,"body":"got that. So sometimes it's we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2025.06,"endTime":2028.18,"body":"have to trust, you know,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2025.06,"endTime":2028.18,"body":"different ways. And it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2028.24,"endTime":2031.24,"body":"interesting, because Dolores"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2028.24,"endTime":2031.24,"body":"said, you know, that she saw"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2031.24,"endTime":2034.8400000000001,"body":"Eric. And so when I was I would,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2031.24,"endTime":2034.8400000000001,"body":"you know, compare to other"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2034.8400000000001,"endTime":2037.66,"body":"people? I'm like, Well, I've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2034.8400000000001,"endTime":2037.66,"body":"never seen Shayna, or I've never"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2037.66,"endTime":2041.14,"body":"heard Shayna. People say I felt"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2037.66,"endTime":2041.14,"body":"them touch me. I've never had"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2041.14,"endTime":2044.16,"body":"that experience. So we'll have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2041.14,"endTime":2044.16,"body":"different experiences."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2046.44,"endTime":2046.74,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2048.2999999999997,"endTime":2051.84,"body":"so when it so for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2048.2999999999997,"endTime":2051.84,"body":"people that are listening, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2051.84,"endTime":2054.7799999999997,"body":"I'm going to talk about this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2051.84,"endTime":2054.7799999999997,"body":"early stages of grief, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2055.2,"endTime":2057.6,"body":"for a lot of times, people are"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2055.2,"endTime":2057.6,"body":"listening to us, and they're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2057.6,"endTime":2061.02,"body":"like, they have no idea what I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2057.6,"endTime":2061.02,"body":"going through. Look, look,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2061.02,"endTime":2063.56,"body":"they're just, they're doing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2061.02,"endTime":2063.56,"body":"great. They're fine. They're,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2063.62,"endTime":2066.68,"body":"you know, talk about what it"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2063.62,"endTime":2066.68,"body":"what it's like in those early"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2066.68,"endTime":2068.9,"body":"stages, because people think"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2066.68,"endTime":2068.9,"body":"they're stuck, and I think"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2068.9,"endTime":2070.04,"body":"they're going to be there"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2068.9,"endTime":2070.04,"body":"forever."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2072.5,"endTime":2077.66,"body":"Well, I'll be glad"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2072.5,"endTime":2077.66,"body":"to, yeah, share that I felt like"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2077.66,"endTime":2084.34,"body":"I was in a deep, dark hole and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2077.66,"endTime":2084.34,"body":"abyss. There was no light. I had"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2084.34,"endTime":2088.96,"body":"no idea how I could get out of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2084.34,"endTime":2088.96,"body":"it. I didn't think I could ever"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2088.96,"endTime":2091.7799999999997,"body":"see light again. I didn't think,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2088.96,"endTime":2091.7799999999997,"body":"certainly, didn't think I would"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2091.7799999999997,"endTime":2098.62,"body":"ever feel joy again. I did not"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2091.7799999999997,"endTime":2098.62,"body":"know how I live. How, how could"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2098.62,"endTime":2105.66,"body":"I keep living a life without my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2098.62,"endTime":2105.66,"body":"son and little by little. Again,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2105.66,"endTime":2108.24,"body":"you know there was a lot of love"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2105.66,"endTime":2108.24,"body":"and support around I have a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2108.24,"endTime":2111.72,"body":"feeling you had that same"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2108.24,"endTime":2111.72,"body":"experience from family and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2111.72,"endTime":2112.3799999999997,"body":"friends and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2113.7,"endTime":2119.5199999999995,"body":"but again, by the readings that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2113.7,"endTime":2119.5199999999995,"body":"I did, it just started to propel"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2119.5199999999995,"endTime":2123.2,"body":"me along. And I do want to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2119.5199999999995,"endTime":2123.2,"body":"mention one thing I know,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2124.3999999999996,"endTime":2128.5399999999995,"body":"that people I've heard say that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2124.3999999999996,"endTime":2128.5399999999995,"body":"they"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2129.68,"endTime":2133.2799999999997,"body":"even though that they don't want"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2129.68,"endTime":2133.2799999999997,"body":"to laugh or smile because it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2133.2799999999997,"endTime":2138.4999999999995,"body":"would be disrespectful. Now,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2133.2799999999997,"endTime":2138.4999999999995,"body":"even though I didn't know how I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2138.4999999999995,"endTime":2142.2999999999997,"body":"could ever live again, I just I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2138.4999999999995,"endTime":2142.2999999999997,"body":"didn't, it's not that I didn't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2142.2999999999997,"endTime":2145.3599999999997,"body":"think it would happen. I just"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2142.2999999999997,"endTime":2145.3599999999997,"body":"didn't know how. So it's not"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2145.3599999999997,"endTime":2149.0199999999995,"body":"like if it were to happen, I was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2145.3599999999997,"endTime":2149.0199999999995,"body":"going to push it away when it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2149.0199999999995,"endTime":2152.2599999999998,"body":"started happening, when the days"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2149.0199999999995,"endTime":2152.2599999999998,"body":"came, and I did feel like I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2152.2599999999998,"endTime":2156.22,"body":"could laugh, and I did feel I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2152.2599999999998,"endTime":2156.22,"body":"could smile when I finally was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2156.22,"endTime":2160.4799999999996,"body":"able to look at photos again of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2156.22,"endTime":2160.4799999999996,"body":"him, which for me it was, it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2160.4799999999996,"endTime":2163.4999999999995,"body":"wasn't that long, maybe like two"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2160.4799999999996,"endTime":2163.4999999999995,"body":"months, and then I could start"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2163.4999999999995,"endTime":2166.5599999999995,"body":"to look or hear music, because"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2163.4999999999995,"endTime":2166.5599999999995,"body":"he was a musician, and it was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2166.5599999999995,"endTime":2173.5799999999995,"body":"just too painful. I let it in. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2166.5599999999995,"endTime":2173.5799999999995,"body":"didn't want to not and I knew"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2173.64,"endTime":2179.64,"body":"that that was what he wanted,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2173.64,"endTime":2179.64,"body":"and I allowed it. I just allowed"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2179.64,"endTime":2182.72,"body":"the light in, and little by"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2179.64,"endTime":2182.72,"body":"little, and then the day came"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2182.72,"endTime":2186.68,"body":"where I said, You know what? I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2182.72,"endTime":2186.68,"body":"think I can feel joy again. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2186.92,"endTime":2189.86,"body":"couldn't believe that was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2186.92,"endTime":2189.86,"body":"possible, but it was something"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2189.86,"endTime":2195.02,"body":"that I allowed. Yeah, yep, I was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2189.86,"endTime":2195.02,"body":"in that dark hole too. Dolores."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2195.02,"endTime":2198.86,"body":"I think we all probably felt"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2195.02,"endTime":2198.86,"body":"like it was just black. And I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2198.86,"endTime":2201.7,"body":"You're like, how am I going to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2198.86,"endTime":2201.7,"body":"get out of this? But it was my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2201.7,"endTime":2204.7599999999998,"body":"faith, I have to say. And this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2201.7,"endTime":2204.7599999999998,"body":"is what I always wanted for my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2204.7599999999998,"endTime":2207.58,"body":"children, is to have a little"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2204.7599999999998,"endTime":2207.58,"body":"bit of that faith. And it was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2207.58,"endTime":2210.8199999999997,"body":"that faith that got me out,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2207.58,"endTime":2210.8199999999997,"body":"like, you're not alone. I did"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2210.8199999999997,"endTime":2214.12,"body":"feel God's hand, whatever love"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2210.8199999999997,"endTime":2214.12,"body":"the god the hand of love, you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2214.12,"endTime":2219.1,"body":"know, that was like, just keep"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2214.12,"endTime":2219.1,"body":"at it, don't give up. And it was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2219.16,"endTime":2222.36,"body":"I knew I had to take care of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2219.16,"endTime":2222.36,"body":"myself. I knew maybe I can't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2222.36,"endTime":2225.54,"body":"handle this mentally right now,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2222.36,"endTime":2225.54,"body":"but I gotta walk. I gotta keep"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2225.54,"endTime":2229.56,"body":"walking. I gotta keep eating."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2225.54,"endTime":2229.56,"body":"And so I kind of did that on"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2229.56,"endTime":2232.7999999999997,"body":"autopilot, like I gotta take"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2229.56,"endTime":2232.7999999999997,"body":"care of this physical body,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2232.7999999999997,"endTime":2233.94,"body":"because grief"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2235.14,"endTime":2238.74,"body":"is horrible on"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2235.14,"endTime":2238.74,"body":"your body. And I sometimes I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2238.74,"endTime":2241.3199999999997,"body":"don't know this is kind of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2238.74,"endTime":2241.3199999999997,"body":"weird. I think this now maybe"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2241.3199999999997,"endTime":2243.7999999999997,"body":"grief is so horrible because"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2241.3199999999997,"endTime":2243.7999999999997,"body":"your soul knows they're not"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2243.7999999999997,"endTime":2246.5,"body":"gone, and your soul's like, Wait"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2243.7999999999997,"endTime":2246.5,"body":"a minute. What are you doing"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2246.5,"endTime":2250.94,"body":"this for? They're not gonna you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2246.5,"endTime":2250.94,"body":"know, but grief feels horrible,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2251.36,"endTime":2254.48,"body":"and I knew I just had to take"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2251.36,"endTime":2254.48,"body":"care of myself and slowly"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2254.48,"endTime":2256.94,"body":"reading about other parents."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2254.48,"endTime":2256.94,"body":"That's why this book is so"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2256.94,"endTime":2260.96,"body":"important. Brian, this would say"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2256.94,"endTime":2260.96,"body":"I couldn't wait to find books of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2260.96,"endTime":2263.38,"body":"parents who believed their kids"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2260.96,"endTime":2263.38,"body":"were still with them. I wanted"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2263.38,"endTime":2268.0,"body":"to find out what they did. I I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2263.38,"endTime":2268.0,"body":"read your book. I read so many"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2268.0,"endTime":2272.02,"body":"books about parents who found"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2268.0,"endTime":2272.02,"body":"their way. And here's a book"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2272.08,"endTime":2276.82,"body":"with 130 parents telling you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2272.08,"endTime":2276.82,"body":"they're not gone and their"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2276.82,"endTime":2280.6,"body":"messages and their signs. So"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2276.82,"endTime":2280.6,"body":"it's kind it's an awesome book."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2280.66,"endTime":2284.4,"body":"I would have loved this then, so"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2280.66,"endTime":2284.4,"body":"I would suggest it for all new"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2284.94,"endTime":2288.54,"body":"parents in this process. Because"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2284.94,"endTime":2288.54,"body":"when you once you see there's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2288.54,"endTime":2292.08,"body":"other parents and there's hope,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2288.54,"endTime":2292.08,"body":"you're like, Okay, I mean, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2292.08,"endTime":2295.02,"body":"would say the first year for the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2292.08,"endTime":2295.02,"body":"people listening is the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2295.02,"endTime":2297.18,"body":"toughest. It's your first"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2295.02,"endTime":2297.18,"body":"Christmas, it's your first"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2297.18,"endTime":2300.12,"body":"Mother's Day, it's your first"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2297.18,"endTime":2300.12,"body":"birthday. But this was what I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2300.12,"endTime":2301.14,"body":"what I would suggest. Mm."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2301.82,"endTime":2306.08,"body":"Yeah, on those days, like your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2301.82,"endTime":2306.08,"body":"child's birthday, I went out and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2306.08,"endTime":2308.96,"body":"did an act of kindness with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2306.08,"endTime":2308.96,"body":"Davey. I was like, Davey loved"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2308.96,"endTime":2313.82,"body":"IHOP, so we I put like he was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2308.96,"endTime":2313.82,"body":"going with me, and I went and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2313.82,"endTime":2316.58,"body":"bought somebody's meal. I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2313.82,"endTime":2316.58,"body":"didn't, you know, I just went. I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2316.58,"endTime":2318.86,"body":"went to the front and I said,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2316.58,"endTime":2318.86,"body":"Look, can I teach you a manner?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2318.86,"endTime":2321.2,"body":"Talk to your manager. Here's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2318.86,"endTime":2321.2,"body":"money. Please buy somebody's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2321.2,"endTime":2324.04,"body":"meal. And then I left, and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2321.2,"endTime":2324.04,"body":"looked and I was like, Davey,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2324.04,"endTime":2326.92,"body":"that felt good, that felt good."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2324.04,"endTime":2326.92,"body":"So I try and do like, acts of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2326.92,"endTime":2329.38,"body":"kindness, like I'm doing it with"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2326.92,"endTime":2329.38,"body":"him, like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2330.52,"endTime":2334.18,"body":"do something that'll make you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2330.52,"endTime":2334.18,"body":"feel like you're connected to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2334.18,"endTime":2338.86,"body":"your child, uplifting with your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2334.18,"endTime":2338.86,"body":"child. And that helps. Yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2338.86,"endTime":2341.76,"body":"asked people, this was the other"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2338.86,"endTime":2341.76,"body":"thing we did. We asked people"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2341.76,"endTime":2345.12,"body":"not to send flowers, not to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2341.76,"endTime":2345.12,"body":"bring food, but do acts of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2345.12,"endTime":2348.9,"body":"kindness and post them on"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2345.12,"endTime":2348.9,"body":"Facebook. And every day I woke"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2348.9,"endTime":2353.28,"body":"up and I wrote, I read the most"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2348.9,"endTime":2353.28,"body":"beautiful messages from people"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2353.46,"endTime":2357.54,"body":"doing acts of kindness in Davies"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2353.46,"endTime":2357.54,"body":"name. And it even for two years"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2357.54,"endTime":2361.44,"body":"this little eighth grade class,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2357.54,"endTime":2361.44,"body":"this teacher took her eighth"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2361.44,"endTime":2364.88,"body":"grade class and did acts of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2361.44,"endTime":2364.88,"body":"kindness with them for Davey."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2365.18,"endTime":2368.3,"body":"And these little kids wrote me"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2365.18,"endTime":2368.3,"body":"beautiful letters, and they told"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2368.3,"endTime":2372.44,"body":"me what they did, and I was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2368.3,"endTime":2372.44,"body":"blown away, and it lifted my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2372.44,"endTime":2376.34,"body":"soul. So every day, I felt like"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2372.44,"endTime":2376.34,"body":"Davey was still there, and I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2376.34,"endTime":2379.4,"body":"slowly came out and came out."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2376.34,"endTime":2379.4,"body":"And you know, it was like the I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2379.4,"endTime":2382.06,"body":"could see the light. I think"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2379.4,"endTime":2382.06,"body":"everybody should do this. I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2382.06,"endTime":2385.6,"body":"think doing acts of kindness"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2382.06,"endTime":2385.6,"body":"instead of flowers is so much"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2385.6,"endTime":2388.7200000000003,"body":"better. Yeah, it's interesting."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2385.6,"endTime":2388.7200000000003,"body":"I don't think I've ever heard"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2388.7200000000003,"endTime":2391.66,"body":"that before, but I do. I do love"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2388.7200000000003,"endTime":2391.66,"body":"that idea,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2393.28,"endTime":2395.08,"body":"and I think it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2393.28,"endTime":2395.08,"body":"really important, and I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2395.08,"endTime":2398.8,"body":"appreciate you guys being frank"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2395.08,"endTime":2398.8,"body":"about sharing that, because, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2398.8,"endTime":2401.76,"body":"know, a lot of times we try to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2398.8,"endTime":2401.76,"body":"put on a brave face, and people"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2401.76,"endTime":2404.28,"body":"don't. They don't see what's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2401.76,"endTime":2404.28,"body":"happening when we're when we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2404.28,"endTime":2407.76,"body":"home alone, and they don't, of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2404.28,"endTime":2407.76,"body":"course, know the thoughts in our"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2407.76,"endTime":2413.28,"body":"heads. And that feeling of like,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2407.76,"endTime":2413.28,"body":"I don't want to be here anymore,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2413.58,"endTime":2418.5,"body":"I think it's very, very common"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2413.58,"endTime":2418.5,"body":"for parents, especially of young"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2418.5,"endTime":2421.08,"body":"children. And 24 is relatively"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2418.5,"endTime":2421.08,"body":"young."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2422.58,"endTime":2425.6,"body":"It's like, you know, you want to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2422.58,"endTime":2425.6,"body":"be with your kid. You want to,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2425.7200000000003,"endTime":2429.02,"body":"you want to know they're okay."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2425.7200000000003,"endTime":2429.02,"body":"And I think I always say for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2429.02,"endTime":2431.2400000000002,"body":"mothers, especially, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2429.02,"endTime":2431.2400000000002,"body":"they're part of your body, but"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2431.2400000000002,"endTime":2433.7,"body":"for fathers too, because as a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2431.2400000000002,"endTime":2433.7,"body":"father, when you especially have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2433.7,"endTime":2437.0,"body":"daughters, it's your job to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2433.7,"endTime":2437.0,"body":"protect them. And so when you're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2437.0,"endTime":2439.64,"body":"not there to protect them, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2437.0,"endTime":2439.64,"body":"know, you're like, Okay, I got"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2439.64,"endTime":2442.3,"body":"to get there. I got to be where"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2439.64,"endTime":2442.3,"body":"they are. So it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2442.36,"endTime":2444.7,"body":"important for people to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2442.36,"endTime":2444.7,"body":"understand that feeling is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2444.7,"endTime":2448.84,"body":"really normal. Because people"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2444.7,"endTime":2448.84,"body":"think they're going crazy. They"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2448.84,"endTime":2452.02,"body":"think maybe they've become"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2448.84,"endTime":2452.02,"body":"suicidal. Is different, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2452.02,"endTime":2454.7200000000003,"body":"suicidal is when you're actually"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2452.02,"endTime":2454.7200000000003,"body":"making plans to do this. I don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2454.7200000000003,"endTime":2457.66,"body":"know, for me, it was never"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2454.7200000000003,"endTime":2457.66,"body":"planned. It was just like, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2457.78,"endTime":2461.32,"body":"don't want to be here. I don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2457.78,"endTime":2461.32,"body":"care, you know, I don't care"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2461.32,"endTime":2461.86,"body":"anymore."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2462.88,"endTime":2466.14,"body":"So I think it's important to put"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2462.88,"endTime":2466.14,"body":"that out there for people to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2466.14,"endTime":2468.36,"body":"understand what you're going"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2466.14,"endTime":2468.36,"body":"through, what you're feeling is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2468.36,"endTime":2472.68,"body":"normal, and that first year go"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2468.36,"endTime":2472.68,"body":"ahead, I did. I remember saying"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2472.68,"endTime":2477.3,"body":"that in my head, but I heard"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2472.68,"endTime":2477.3,"body":"Davey say, Mom, what about the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2477.3,"endTime":2480.84,"body":"girls? What about Dad? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2477.3,"endTime":2480.84,"body":"I'll be here. I'll always be"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2480.84,"endTime":2485.48,"body":"here. And I was just like,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2480.84,"endTime":2485.48,"body":"you're right, you know, I Right,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2485.54,"endTime":2490.28,"body":"right. Yeah, that's that is a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2485.54,"endTime":2490.28,"body":"real good point. Dolores, how"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2490.28,"endTime":2493.82,"body":"about you? Because for me, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2490.28,"endTime":2493.82,"body":"had, the first thing I had to do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2493.82,"endTime":2497.18,"body":"was live for my my wife and my"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2493.82,"endTime":2497.18,"body":"other daughter. I didn't care"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2497.18,"endTime":2500.3,"body":"about me, but it's like, okay, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2497.18,"endTime":2500.3,"body":"guess I have to stay here"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2500.3,"endTime":2502.12,"body":"because they're gonna be very"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2500.3,"endTime":2502.12,"body":"upset if I go."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2503.38,"endTime":2503.7400000000002,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2504.82,"endTime":2507.94,"body":"same, same here"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2504.82,"endTime":2507.94,"body":"with what you're saying. I if"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2507.94,"endTime":2510.4,"body":"something had happened to me,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2507.94,"endTime":2510.4,"body":"that would have been fine with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2510.4,"endTime":2513.76,"body":"me. If I, you know, whatever, I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2510.4,"endTime":2513.76,"body":"wasn't going to make anything"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2513.76,"endTime":2516.46,"body":"happen. I wasn't going to end my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2513.76,"endTime":2516.46,"body":"life."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2517.6,"endTime":2522.54,"body":"But I did know that they"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2517.6,"endTime":2522.54,"body":"wouldn't want that to happen. So"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2522.54,"endTime":2527.46,"body":"I knew that intellectually, even"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2522.54,"endTime":2527.46,"body":"though for many months, I still"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2527.46,"endTime":2529.92,"body":"said, Well, yeah, but if"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2527.46,"endTime":2529.92,"body":"something happens to be that's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2529.92,"endTime":2535.2,"body":"fine, yeah, but now I don't want"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2529.92,"endTime":2535.2,"body":"I want to stay. I want to be"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2535.2,"endTime":2539.7,"body":"here. I want to be with my three"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2535.2,"endTime":2539.7,"body":"surviving children and my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2539.7,"endTime":2543.2,"body":"husband. I now have a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2539.7,"endTime":2543.2,"body":"granddaughter. I do want to be"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2543.2,"endTime":2543.62,"body":"here."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2544.64,"endTime":2548.7200000000003,"body":"And what helps is I have this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2544.64,"endTime":2548.7200000000003,"body":"other relationship now with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2548.7200000000003,"endTime":2552.08,"body":"Eric, something that my"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2548.7200000000003,"endTime":2552.08,"body":"therapist had brought up early"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2552.08,"endTime":2555.26,"body":"on. I had an awesome, great"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2552.08,"endTime":2555.26,"body":"therapist for about a year and a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2555.26,"endTime":2557.96,"body":"half, and she had told me in the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2555.26,"endTime":2557.96,"body":"beginning, well, you will have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2557.96,"endTime":2561.2,"body":"develop a new relationship with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2557.96,"endTime":2561.2,"body":"Eric. And at the beginning, I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2561.2,"endTime":2564.4,"body":"didn't know what she was talking"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2561.2,"endTime":2564.4,"body":"about. I totally understand it."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2564.46,"endTime":2570.1,"body":"Yes, Eric is here. He is He sees"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2564.46,"endTime":2570.1,"body":"everything. Would that happen? I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2570.1,"endTime":2574.3,"body":"know people say that it's awful"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2570.1,"endTime":2574.3,"body":"that they've missed things. They"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2574.3,"endTime":2579.16,"body":"haven't missed them, right? We"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2574.3,"endTime":2579.16,"body":"miss seeing their reaction. We"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2579.16,"endTime":2582.78,"body":"miss seeing their interaction."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2579.16,"endTime":2582.78,"body":"We don't get to see that. I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2582.78,"endTime":2586.68,"body":"would love to see that, but no"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2582.78,"endTime":2586.68,"body":"that they're with us and he's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2586.68,"endTime":2592.26,"body":"here. So yeah, it's total shift."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2586.68,"endTime":2592.26,"body":"It does shift. And I would say,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2592.26,"endTime":2596.16,"body":"Brian, oh, sorry, no, go ahead,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2592.26,"endTime":2596.16,"body":"please. Um, one of the things"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2596.16,"endTime":2598.38,"body":"David said to me was, you were"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2596.16,"endTime":2598.38,"body":"my soul mate. So that was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2598.38,"endTime":2601.38,"body":"something too. I was like, What?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2598.38,"endTime":2601.38,"body":"What did he mean by that? And."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2601.46,"endTime":2603.7400000000002,"body":"When I read Robert"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2601.46,"endTime":2603.7400000000002,"body":"Schwartz, and I saying it right?"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2604.16,"endTime":2608.18,"body":"Soul plan book, I was like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2604.16,"endTime":2608.18,"body":"that's what he was talking about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2608.18,"endTime":2611.48,"body":"that we because when I first"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2608.18,"endTime":2611.48,"body":"thought of I thought, God's not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2611.48,"endTime":2614.12,"body":"mad at me. I didn't do anything"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2611.48,"endTime":2614.12,"body":"wrong, like Dolores. I've been a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2614.12,"endTime":2617.0,"body":"good person. Why does this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2614.12,"endTime":2617.0,"body":"happen to me? Right? I didn't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2617.0,"endTime":2620.0,"body":"think, Well, why do some kids"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2617.0,"endTime":2620.0,"body":"live and some kids don't. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2620.0,"endTime":2624.2200000000003,"body":"mean, it just haphazard, right?"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2620.0,"endTime":2624.2200000000003,"body":"And then I thought the soul plan"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2624.2200000000003,"endTime":2627.04,"body":"that Davey and I planned this. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2624.2200000000003,"endTime":2627.04,"body":"thought at first, no way would I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2627.04,"endTime":2629.38,"body":"have planned this horrible"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2627.04,"endTime":2629.38,"body":"thing. It is too painful."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2629.44,"endTime":2632.08,"body":"There's no way. And then I sat"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2629.44,"endTime":2632.08,"body":"with it, and I thought, that is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2632.08,"endTime":2635.8,"body":"the only explanation. That is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2632.08,"endTime":2635.8,"body":"the only explanation. And you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2635.8,"endTime":2638.86,"body":"know what? I'm not going"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2635.8,"endTime":2638.86,"body":"anywhere. I am going to get this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2638.86,"endTime":2643.26,"body":"right, so I never have to do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2638.86,"endTime":2643.26,"body":"this again. Yeah, yeah. That's a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2643.26,"endTime":2646.44,"body":"great point, because I remember"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2643.26,"endTime":2646.44,"body":"being at the first helping"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2646.44,"endTime":2650.34,"body":"parents heal conference, and to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2646.44,"endTime":2650.34,"body":"a person, we're all like, we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2650.34,"endTime":2653.04,"body":"not coming back. We're not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2650.34,"endTime":2653.04,"body":"coming back. And I thought"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2653.04,"endTime":2655.62,"body":"about, you know, we have these"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2653.04,"endTime":2655.62,"body":"things we do in life, and we'd"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2655.62,"endTime":2658.02,"body":"say, I've heard a lot of times"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2655.62,"endTime":2658.02,"body":"when women have their first"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2658.02,"endTime":2660.42,"body":"child, they're like, I'm never"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2658.02,"endTime":2660.42,"body":"doing that again. It was too"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2660.42,"endTime":2663.26,"body":"painful. But then, you know, a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2660.42,"endTime":2663.26,"body":"few months later, a couple years"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2663.26,"endTime":2668.42,"body":"later, like, Yeah, I'll do it"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2663.26,"endTime":2668.42,"body":"again. So I try not to say,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2668.42,"endTime":2673.52,"body":"Never that. But I don't want to,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2668.42,"endTime":2673.52,"body":"well, I want to make my daughter"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2673.52,"endTime":2677.36,"body":"proud. I think you guys probably"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2673.52,"endTime":2677.36,"body":"feel the same way too. I Shayna,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2677.42,"endTime":2680.48,"body":"I know she would be like, You"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2677.42,"endTime":2680.48,"body":"got to stay there. You got to do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2680.48,"endTime":2683.62,"body":"the work. And she'd be very"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2680.48,"endTime":2683.62,"body":"she's going to be on me if I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2683.62,"endTime":2685.9,"body":"don't, because I know I'm going"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2683.62,"endTime":2685.9,"body":"to face her one day. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2685.9,"endTime":2688.66,"body":"worried about being judged by"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2685.9,"endTime":2688.66,"body":"God. I'm worried about listening"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2688.66,"endTime":2689.26,"body":"to Shayna."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2691.48,"endTime":2697.18,"body":"Yeah, yeah. I have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2691.48,"endTime":2697.18,"body":"again along this whole new"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2697.18,"endTime":2701.38,"body":"journey spiritual. Of course, I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2697.18,"endTime":2701.38,"body":"it's more and more spiritual to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2701.38,"endTime":2704.34,"body":"me. And by the way, when I when"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2701.38,"endTime":2704.34,"body":"I said those prayers, were so"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2704.34,"endTime":2709.38,"body":"hard to God, eventually they"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2704.34,"endTime":2709.38,"body":"just became thank you so much"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2709.38,"endTime":2713.1,"body":"for all of this, for for every"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2709.38,"endTime":2713.1,"body":"day, for the things, the beauty"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2713.1,"endTime":2717.66,"body":"and all of that. But I know I'm"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2713.1,"endTime":2717.66,"body":"here for a reason."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2719.16,"endTime":2722.84,"body":"Now I get that, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2719.16,"endTime":2722.84,"body":"boy, do I want to make sure I do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2722.84,"endTime":2725.66,"body":"whatever, and whether or not I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2722.84,"endTime":2725.66,"body":"understand that reason that's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2725.66,"endTime":2728.6,"body":"okay, I don't have to know"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2725.66,"endTime":2728.6,"body":"exactly what it is. I trust I'll"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2728.6,"endTime":2733.76,"body":"be led. I trust that things will"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2728.6,"endTime":2733.76,"body":"unfold as they should, but I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2733.76,"endTime":2738.32,"body":"really hope that I am doing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2733.76,"endTime":2738.32,"body":"everything I can here that I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2738.32,"endTime":2741.76,"body":"supposed to do so I don't want"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2738.32,"endTime":2741.76,"body":"to go anywhere. Yeah, I just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2741.76,"endTime":2743.92,"body":"interviewed someone pretty"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2741.76,"endTime":2743.92,"body":"recently. In fact, I just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2743.92,"endTime":2747.04,"body":"released the podcast. And, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2743.92,"endTime":2747.04,"body":"know, we have this thing. We"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2747.04,"endTime":2750.94,"body":"think of things as it's got to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2747.04,"endTime":2750.94,"body":"be this or that, either I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2750.94,"endTime":2753.94,"body":"planned my whole life and I'm in"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2750.94,"endTime":2753.94,"body":"control of my whole thing, or"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2753.94,"endTime":2756.52,"body":"it's the opposite, that God's in"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2753.94,"endTime":2756.52,"body":"charge of it. And why did God do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2756.52,"endTime":2759.46,"body":"this to me? And I love the way"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2756.52,"endTime":2759.46,"body":"she described it. She said, It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2759.46,"endTime":2762.6,"body":"like a dance, you know, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2759.46,"endTime":2762.6,"body":"have, you have a partner, and we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2762.6,"endTime":2766.98,"body":"make these unspoken covenants"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2762.6,"endTime":2766.98,"body":"with what we call God, and we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2766.98,"endTime":2770.82,"body":"say, okay, as long as I'm a good"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2766.98,"endTime":2770.82,"body":"person, as long as I do this and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2770.82,"endTime":2775.32,"body":"this, and then you're going to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2770.82,"endTime":2775.32,"body":"protect me and my family. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2775.32,"endTime":2778.8,"body":"then when something happens,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2775.32,"endTime":2778.8,"body":"then we feel like either God"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2778.8,"endTime":2782.9,"body":"broke his promise or we must not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2778.8,"endTime":2782.9,"body":"have kept our end. But, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2782.9,"endTime":2786.14,"body":"know, we were never promised"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2782.9,"endTime":2786.14,"body":"that, you know that that that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2786.14,"endTime":2788.7200000000003,"body":"was a one way contract? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2790.28,"endTime":2794.18,"body":"right. I no longer"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2790.28,"endTime":2794.18,"body":"believe it God's, it's God's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2794.18,"endTime":2796.82,"body":"fault. Yeah, you know God that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2797.84,"endTime":2800.96,"body":"made this happen, or it didn't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2797.84,"endTime":2800.96,"body":"listen to my prayers. You know,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2800.96,"endTime":2805.3,"body":"I know that's how it's we grew"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2800.96,"endTime":2805.3,"body":"up that way, but that all had to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2805.3,"endTime":2807.82,"body":"shift. And it's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2809.5,"endTime":2812.68,"body":"I, you know, and I, like I said"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2809.5,"endTime":2812.68,"body":"before, I don't understand all"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2812.68,"endTime":2819.04,"body":"of it. And I, I come to a place"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2812.68,"endTime":2819.04,"body":"where that's okay, that I don't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2819.04,"endTime":2823.26,"body":"understand all of it, but I know"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":2819.04,"endTime":2823.26,"body":"there's some it's all"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2825.12,"endTime":2828.78,"body":"ultimately good"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2825.12,"endTime":2828.78,"body":"and as it should be. And I know"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2828.78,"endTime":2833.58,"body":"that's a tough one sometimes to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2828.78,"endTime":2833.58,"body":"to bring up, but then knowing"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2833.58,"endTime":2838.26,"body":"that they're not gone, I feel"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2833.58,"endTime":2838.26,"body":"like helps, because if you said"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2838.44,"endTime":2841.38,"body":"to me, Davey's gone, you can"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2838.44,"endTime":2841.38,"body":"never talk to him again. That's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2841.38,"endTime":2844.28,"body":"too painful. And so those"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2841.38,"endTime":2844.28,"body":"parents that aren't talking to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2844.28,"endTime":2847.52,"body":"their child, I want to say to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2844.28,"endTime":2847.52,"body":"them, just fake it if you have"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2847.52,"endTime":2850.52,"body":"to in the beginning, because it"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2847.52,"endTime":2850.52,"body":"your body will feel so much"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2850.52,"endTime":2854.36,"body":"better. It's like, and then you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2850.52,"endTime":2854.36,"body":"start connecting with them, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2854.36,"endTime":2857.54,"body":"you're like, is that real? I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2854.36,"endTime":2857.54,"body":"know you guys are. I think"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2857.54,"endTime":2861.02,"body":"you're caring listeners, right?"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2857.54,"endTime":2861.02,"body":"So I'm on with people all the"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2861.02,"endTime":2863.26,"body":"time, and they'll be like, I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2861.02,"endTime":2863.26,"body":"just never hear them. I just"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2863.26,"endTime":2865.6,"body":"don't understand it. And I'll"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2863.26,"endTime":2865.6,"body":"go, Well, what would your child"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2865.6,"endTime":2868.9,"body":"say right now about what you're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2865.6,"endTime":2868.9,"body":"saying? And they go, Oh, they're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2868.9,"endTime":2872.98,"body":"like, Mom, you you hear me. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2868.9,"endTime":2872.98,"body":"I go, you just connected. You"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2872.98,"endTime":2876.28,"body":"just gave me their personality."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2872.98,"endTime":2876.28,"body":"You just did it. And they're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2876.28,"endTime":2878.38,"body":"like, really? I'm like, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":2876.28,"endTime":2878.38,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2879.58,"endTime":2881.76,"body":"yeah. Well, if"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2879.58,"endTime":2881.76,"body":"either one of you ever taken any"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2881.76,"endTime":2883.26,"body":"medium, mediumship training,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2884.58,"endTime":2890.64,"body":"I admit I have not okay. I did."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2884.58,"endTime":2890.64,"body":"I did just a little bit and and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2890.64,"endTime":2894.18,"body":"I again, I've always said I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2890.64,"endTime":2894.18,"body":"not intuitive. And then what"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2894.18,"endTime":2897.3,"body":"would happen is they'd say, make"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2894.18,"endTime":2897.3,"body":"a connection, and I would, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2897.3,"endTime":2901.38,"body":"would just make something up."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2897.3,"endTime":2901.38,"body":"And sometimes it was wrong. But."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2901.46,"endTime":2904.58,"body":"Couple times it was like, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2901.46,"endTime":2904.58,"body":"just, it was right, and it was"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2904.58,"endTime":2908.18,"body":"weird stuff. So what you were"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2904.58,"endTime":2908.18,"body":"saying, Allison, is, you know,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2908.18,"endTime":2911.54,"body":"when you when you think you're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2908.18,"endTime":2911.54,"body":"hearing your child's voice, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2911.54,"endTime":2914.3,"body":"know, trust it. It's it may not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2911.54,"endTime":2914.3,"body":"sound like their voice. It could"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2914.3,"endTime":2917.06,"body":"be like the little voice inside"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2914.3,"endTime":2917.06,"body":"your head, but, you know, their"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2917.06,"endTime":2922.0,"body":"personality, and that's what I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2917.06,"endTime":2922.0,"body":"get from Shayna, you know, I so"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2922.0,"endTime":2924.88,"body":"I think that that's a really"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2922.0,"endTime":2924.88,"body":"good piece of advice to people."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2925.12,"endTime":2927.46,"body":"And like you said, sometimes we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2925.12,"endTime":2927.46,"body":"fake it till we make it"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2928.66,"endTime":2931.48,"body":"and then, and then look for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2928.66,"endTime":2931.48,"body":"those synchronicities of signs"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2931.48,"endTime":2936.28,"body":"that back it up. Mm, hmm, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2931.48,"endTime":2936.28,"body":"yeah, and the automatic writing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2936.28,"endTime":2940.54,"body":"as well. Similarly, yeah, that I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2936.28,"endTime":2940.54,"body":"have done, that I have done,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2940.9,"endTime":2945.12,"body":"where you sit with a journal and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2940.9,"endTime":2945.12,"body":"ask, you can write out a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2945.12,"endTime":2949.98,"body":"question to your loved one, your"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2945.12,"endTime":2949.98,"body":"child, and whatever's coming to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2949.98,"endTime":2953.1,"body":"you, whatever it is, just just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2949.98,"endTime":2953.1,"body":"write it down. Don't, don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2953.1,"endTime":2955.44,"body":"decide whether or not you think"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2953.1,"endTime":2955.44,"body":"it's really, you know, just just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2955.44,"endTime":2960.06,"body":"write it all, ask a question,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2955.44,"endTime":2960.06,"body":"write an answer. And I did that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2960.36,"endTime":2963.68,"body":"and purposely just kind of set"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2960.36,"endTime":2963.68,"body":"it aside. Looked at it a week or"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2963.68,"endTime":2970.46,"body":"two later, it went, Wow, that's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2963.68,"endTime":2970.46,"body":"Eric, you know. And so it's,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2970.46,"endTime":2974.2400000000002,"body":"again, it's that trust and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2970.46,"endTime":2974.2400000000002,"body":"getting out of the way, I guess."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2974.2400000000002,"endTime":2976.76,"body":"And that is a form of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2974.2400000000002,"endTime":2976.76,"body":"mediumship, because mediumship"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2976.76,"endTime":2979.7,"body":"is just being, being in the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2976.76,"endTime":2979.7,"body":"middle, right? So automatic"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2979.7,"endTime":2982.7200000000003,"body":"writing is a way, kind of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2979.7,"endTime":2982.7200000000003,"body":"getting your your brain out of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2982.7200000000003,"endTime":2986.44,"body":"it, and you just write what"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2982.7200000000003,"endTime":2986.44,"body":"comes to you. So it's another"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2986.44,"endTime":2989.7400000000002,"body":"it's just a way of I think what"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2986.44,"endTime":2989.7400000000002,"body":"we have to do to make that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2989.7400000000002,"endTime":2992.62,"body":"connection is to turn off that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2989.7400000000002,"endTime":2992.62,"body":"left brain that's analyzing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2992.62,"endTime":2995.7400000000002,"body":"everything in whatever way is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2992.62,"endTime":2995.7400000000002,"body":"possible. So for some people, it"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2995.7400000000002,"endTime":3000.0,"body":"might be meditation. It could be"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":2995.7400000000002,"endTime":3000.0,"body":"automatic writing using a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3000.0,"endTime":3002.96,"body":"pendulum. You know, people,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3000.0,"endTime":3002.96,"body":"people use different things,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3002.96,"endTime":3005.9,"body":"whatever works, whatever works"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3002.96,"endTime":3005.9,"body":"for you, to make that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3005.9,"endTime":3009.44,"body":"connection. But it comes down to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3005.9,"endTime":3009.44,"body":"the thing that we're all talking"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3009.44,"endTime":3012.86,"body":"about in common is that they're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3009.44,"endTime":3012.86,"body":"still here. You know, you have,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3013.04,"endTime":3016.34,"body":"you have to start with at least"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3013.04,"endTime":3016.34,"body":"the belief that they might still"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3016.34,"endTime":3020.48,"body":"be here. Yep, and not see them"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3016.34,"endTime":3020.48,"body":"with your eyes, feel them with"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3020.48,"endTime":3024.34,"body":"your heart. Yeah, right. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3020.48,"endTime":3024.34,"body":"somebody, one of the parents in"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3024.34,"endTime":3027.28,"body":"the book, said it's not a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3024.34,"endTime":3027.28,"body":"relationship relationship"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3027.28,"endTime":3031.48,"body":"anymore. It's a soul ship. And I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3027.28,"endTime":3031.48,"body":"thought it's kind of cool. It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3031.48,"endTime":3035.7400000000002,"body":"a new language that you have to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3031.48,"endTime":3035.7400000000002,"body":"learn. Yeah, so let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3035.7400000000002,"endTime":3037.96,"body":"the book. We've talked we've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3035.7400000000002,"endTime":3037.96,"body":"talked about a little bit. It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3037.96,"endTime":3039.82,"body":"how many stories, how many"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3037.96,"endTime":3039.82,"body":"parents? 130"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3040.9,"endTime":3041.88,"body":"Wow. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3043.32,"endTime":3047.52,"body":"and so they're sharing their"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3043.32,"endTime":3047.52,"body":"transformation. Signs, what are"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3047.52,"endTime":3048.78,"body":"they? What are they sharing in"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3047.52,"endTime":3048.78,"body":"the book?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3049.98,"endTime":3054.12,"body":"Well, it it all"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3049.98,"endTime":3054.12,"body":"started with Mark pit stick had"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3054.7200000000003,"endTime":3059.52,"body":"done these YouTube interviews"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3054.7200000000003,"endTime":3059.52,"body":"through helping parents heal. He"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3059.52,"endTime":3063.44,"body":"had four to six parents per hour"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3059.52,"endTime":3063.44,"body":"long session"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3064.46,"endTime":3069.2,"body":"with the help of Lynn Hallahan,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3064.46,"endTime":3069.2,"body":"and ask the same six questions"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3069.2,"endTime":3075.44,"body":"to each person, and at some"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3069.2,"endTime":3075.44,"body":"point, well, there's he tells"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3075.44,"endTime":3080.2400000000002,"body":"the story beautifully, but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3075.44,"endTime":3080.2400000000002,"body":"Allison's son Davie came to him"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3080.2400000000002,"endTime":3082.78,"body":"and told or dirt right in the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3080.2400000000002,"endTime":3082.78,"body":"middle of one of one of the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3082.78,"endTime":3085.18,"body":"interviews, and told him that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3082.78,"endTime":3085.18,"body":"you need to make this into a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3085.18,"endTime":3088.9,"body":"book. So that's just a very I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3085.18,"endTime":3088.9,"body":"don't know if Allison wants to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3088.9,"endTime":3094.42,"body":"tell more about that, but so"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3088.9,"endTime":3094.42,"body":"that, yeah, the questions were"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3094.6,"endTime":3097.84,"body":"in regards to, of course,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3094.6,"endTime":3097.84,"body":"talking about their child, how"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3097.84,"endTime":3100.9,"body":"they found helping parents heal,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3097.84,"endTime":3100.9,"body":"but also if they've had any"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3100.9,"endTime":3104.46,"body":"connections with their child,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3100.9,"endTime":3104.46,"body":"and if they've what they've"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3104.46,"endTime":3108.96,"body":"learned in this whole journey so"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3104.46,"endTime":3108.96,"body":"far, and do and the hardest"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3108.96,"endTime":3111.9,"body":"question mark would say is, do"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3108.96,"endTime":3111.9,"body":"you believe there was maybe a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3111.9,"endTime":3116.58,"body":"purpose or a timing behind this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3111.9,"endTime":3116.58,"body":"that they were able to answer?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3116.7,"endTime":3122.0,"body":"So that's, what are the those"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3116.7,"endTime":3122.0,"body":"turned questions turned into"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3122.0,"endTime":3125.42,"body":"chapters of the book with all"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3122.0,"endTime":3125.42,"body":"the various responses from the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3125.42,"endTime":3128.78,"body":"parents and so Allison, do you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3125.42,"endTime":3128.78,"body":"want to add anything to that? I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3128.78,"endTime":3132.08,"body":"just think it was so I know we"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3128.78,"endTime":3132.08,"body":"got to really read through it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3132.08,"endTime":3134.96,"body":"and transcribe it and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3132.08,"endTime":3134.96,"body":"everything. So I got the benefit"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3134.96,"endTime":3138.2,"body":"of it. And you just hear these"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3134.96,"endTime":3138.2,"body":"amazing stories of people who"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3139.1,"endTime":3142.78,"body":"went through the horror and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3139.1,"endTime":3142.78,"body":"tragedy but came out on the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3142.78,"endTime":3148.6,"body":"other side, and all they've"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3142.78,"endTime":3148.6,"body":"learned is so powerful, even for"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3148.6,"endTime":3151.9,"body":"me. You know, being eight years"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3148.6,"endTime":3151.9,"body":"in, I was like, wow, this is so"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3151.9,"endTime":3156.46,"body":"cool to read this and see this."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3151.9,"endTime":3156.46,"body":"Yeah, there's something about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3157.9,"endTime":3159.7,"body":"knowing that other"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3157.9,"endTime":3159.7,"body":"people have been what you've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3159.7,"endTime":3162.6,"body":"been through, and even though we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3159.7,"endTime":3162.6,"body":"know it intellectually, yes,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3162.6,"endTime":3165.48,"body":"other people have had children"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3162.6,"endTime":3165.48,"body":"in car accidents or children"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3165.6,"endTime":3168.12,"body":"lost to suicide or fentanyl or"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3165.6,"endTime":3168.12,"body":"whatever."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3169.14,"endTime":3173.64,"body":"You still feel at least, I felt"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3169.14,"endTime":3173.64,"body":"very lonely like nobody really"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3173.64,"endTime":3177.0,"body":"understands, you know what I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3173.64,"endTime":3177.0,"body":"going through. And when I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3177.0,"endTime":3179.4,"body":"started doing the research for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3177.0,"endTime":3179.4,"body":"my book, I realized the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3179.4,"endTime":3182.48,"body":"percentage of people who lose a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3179.4,"endTime":3182.48,"body":"child, especially when you're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3182.84,"endTime":3186.62,"body":"over the age of 50, which I was"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3182.84,"endTime":3186.62,"body":"when Shayna transitioned. It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3186.62,"endTime":3191.54,"body":"not that rare. It does happen,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3186.62,"endTime":3191.54,"body":"and we don't know when we walk"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3191.54,"endTime":3193.94,"body":"out and we see people, we don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3191.54,"endTime":3193.94,"body":"know that they've lost a child."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3193.94,"endTime":3196.46,"body":"So there's something about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3193.94,"endTime":3196.46,"body":"helping parents feel that, does"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3196.46,"endTime":3199.94,"body":"it make you feel less alone? You"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3196.46,"endTime":3199.94,"body":"know, being a part of this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3199.94,"endTime":3200.9,"body":"organization? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3201.46,"endTime":3205.84,"body":"Yes, absolutely,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3201.46,"endTime":3205.84,"body":"it's it really can blow you away"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3206.68,"endTime":3209.86,"body":"when you see, let's say, for"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3206.68,"endTime":3209.86,"body":"example, on the Facebook group,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3209.86,"endTime":3214.06,"body":"you know, all the postings made"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3209.86,"endTime":3214.06,"body":"by parents or just going to the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3214.06,"endTime":3218.02,"body":"conference, and all those people"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3214.06,"endTime":3218.02,"body":"on all the children, all the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3218.02,"endTime":3221.26,"body":"badges with the beautiful photos"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3218.02,"endTime":3221.26,"body":"of their children and all the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3221.26,"endTime":3223.2,"body":"stories about their children."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3224.52,"endTime":3230.28,"body":"Yes, you you've you realize I'm"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3224.52,"endTime":3230.28,"body":"not the only one. I'm far from"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3230.28,"endTime":3232.92,"body":"the only one. This happens to a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3230.28,"endTime":3232.92,"body":"lot of people,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3234.12,"endTime":3239.58,"body":"and it somehow"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3234.12,"endTime":3239.58,"body":"provides some strength, I guess,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3240.12,"endTime":3243.62,"body":"and also the message that were"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3240.12,"endTime":3243.62,"body":"shining light parents, I didn't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3243.62,"endTime":3246.62,"body":"know, I don't know about you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3243.62,"endTime":3246.62,"body":"guys, but I couldn't be, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3246.62,"endTime":3250.52,"body":"couldn't be in grief forever. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3246.62,"endTime":3250.52,"body":"was like, This is too"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3250.52,"endTime":3253.82,"body":"uncomfortable. It was like, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3250.52,"endTime":3253.82,"body":"wanted to crawl out of my skin."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3253.82,"endTime":3257.3,"body":"I didn't know how to it was so"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3253.82,"endTime":3257.3,"body":"painful. Yeah. And so when"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3257.3,"endTime":3260.96,"body":"shining light parent, I let"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3257.3,"endTime":3260.96,"body":"Davey light shine through me. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3260.96,"endTime":3264.64,"body":"want to be the best I can be. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3260.96,"endTime":3264.64,"body":"living life with him and let him"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3264.64,"endTime":3268.84,"body":"come through to me. I loved that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3264.64,"endTime":3268.84,"body":"idea, and I I love that. I do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3268.84,"endTime":3271.6,"body":"feel like a shining light"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3268.84,"endTime":3271.6,"body":"parent. But what's interesting,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3271.78,"endTime":3275.08,"body":"I feel like Davey's with me now"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3271.78,"endTime":3275.08,"body":"all the time, and now it's more"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3275.08,"endTime":3278.7400000000002,"body":"about learning about my own"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3275.08,"endTime":3278.7400000000002,"body":"soul. It's like I've kind of"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3278.7400000000002,"endTime":3282.2400000000002,"body":"transitioned into learning"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3278.7400000000002,"endTime":3282.2400000000002,"body":"because I know he's with me."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3282.2400000000002,"endTime":3285.3,"body":"He's right here. So now it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3282.2400000000002,"endTime":3285.3,"body":"about learning more about myself"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3285.3,"endTime":3288.66,"body":"and my soul. I agree you've I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3285.3,"endTime":3288.66,"body":"love what you said about grief"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3288.66,"endTime":3293.34,"body":"being so painful, and it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3288.66,"endTime":3293.34,"body":"weird, because we will often"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3293.34,"endTime":3296.58,"body":"hold on to the pain, because we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3293.34,"endTime":3296.58,"body":"associate the pain with our"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3296.58,"endTime":3300.2400000000002,"body":"loved one, and we think if we"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3296.58,"endTime":3300.2400000000002,"body":"let go of the pain, we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3300.2400000000002,"endTime":3305.42,"body":"letting go of them. And that's,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3300.2400000000002,"endTime":3305.42,"body":"that's and it is a choice. What"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3305.42,"endTime":3308.42,"body":"we're talking about is a choice."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3305.42,"endTime":3308.42,"body":"And I learned it really early,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3308.78,"endTime":3311.96,"body":"back when I was like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3308.78,"endTime":3311.96,"body":"want to be here, and if I am,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3311.96,"endTime":3315.26,"body":"I'm never going to heal, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3311.96,"endTime":3315.26,"body":"I'm going to show the world"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3315.26,"endTime":3317.36,"body":"that, you know, I love my"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3315.26,"endTime":3317.36,"body":"daughter so much that I was"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3317.36,"endTime":3320.96,"body":"never the same. And I made this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3317.36,"endTime":3320.96,"body":"vow internally, and I went to a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3320.96,"endTime":3324.34,"body":"meeting of another grief"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3320.96,"endTime":3324.34,"body":"organization, and this woman"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3324.34,"endTime":3328.0,"body":"walked in, she was 10 years in."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3324.34,"endTime":3328.0,"body":"She was miserable. She made"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3328.0,"endTime":3331.42,"body":"everybody in the room miserable."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3328.0,"endTime":3331.42,"body":"In five minutes, she was still"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3331.48,"endTime":3335.86,"body":"angry. It was like her daughter"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3331.48,"endTime":3335.86,"body":"just passed the day before, or,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3335.86,"endTime":3337.84,"body":"I would say, died, because I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3335.86,"endTime":3337.84,"body":"think she thought her daughter"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3337.84,"endTime":3341.58,"body":"had died. And I came back from"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3337.84,"endTime":3341.58,"body":"that, and I'm like, I can't do"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3341.58,"endTime":3345.78,"body":"this. I can't, even though I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3341.58,"endTime":3345.78,"body":"don't want to heal right now. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3345.78,"endTime":3348.3,"body":"can't do this to my wife. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3345.78,"endTime":3348.3,"body":"can't do this to my daughter. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3348.3,"endTime":3350.28,"body":"can't do this other people than"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3348.3,"endTime":3350.28,"body":"around me. I don't have a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3350.28,"endTime":3351.78,"body":"choice, right?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3353.16,"endTime":3358.92,"body":"Yeah, there is"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3353.16,"endTime":3358.92,"body":"some stigma. Or I get I don't"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3358.92,"endTime":3362.78,"body":"know what the right word would"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3358.92,"endTime":3362.78,"body":"be, but for people who believe"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3362.78,"endTime":3366.62,"body":"that maybe that's how they"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3362.78,"endTime":3366.62,"body":"connect, maybe their way of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3366.62,"endTime":3369.68,"body":"connecting with the loved one is"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3366.62,"endTime":3369.68,"body":"through the pain. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3369.68,"endTime":3375.32,"body":"what, yeah, and so what, maybe"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3369.68,"endTime":3375.32,"body":"they don't believe their loved"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3375.32,"endTime":3377.96,"body":"one or their child, let's say,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3375.32,"endTime":3377.96,"body":"is right there. Maybe they"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3377.96,"endTime":3381.26,"body":"believe their child, if they"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3377.96,"endTime":3381.26,"body":"exist at all, as far away. So"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3381.26,"endTime":3385.48,"body":"therefore, that pain is a way to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3381.26,"endTime":3385.48,"body":"connect, whereas what we have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3385.48,"endTime":3389.56,"body":"found, and a lot of people have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3385.48,"endTime":3389.56,"body":"found, is that since they are"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3389.56,"endTime":3392.8,"body":"here and we do have a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3389.56,"endTime":3392.8,"body":"relationship with them, it"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3392.8,"endTime":3396.64,"body":"doesn't have to be painful. And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3392.8,"endTime":3396.64,"body":"I know that Brian, you and I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3396.64,"endTime":3398.62,"body":"took David Kessler's course"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3399.76,"endTime":3405.12,"body":"and the education educator"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3399.76,"endTime":3405.12,"body":"certification, or grief"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3405.12,"endTime":3409.98,"body":"educator. And again, his basic"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3405.12,"endTime":3409.98,"body":"message is to remember them with"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3409.98,"endTime":3413.88,"body":"more love than pain, and you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3409.98,"endTime":3413.88,"body":"don't have to be in pain all the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3413.88,"endTime":3418.08,"body":"time to still connect. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3413.88,"endTime":3418.08,"body":"And, you know, it's funny, I was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3418.08,"endTime":3420.48,"body":"talking to someone earlier,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3418.08,"endTime":3420.48,"body":"because David's course is, is"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3421.02,"endTime":3421.64,"body":"non"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3422.7200000000003,"endTime":3425.78,"body":"religious, non"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3422.7200000000003,"endTime":3425.78,"body":"right? Non spiritual, yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3425.78,"endTime":3428.2400000000002,"body":"I was talking earlier, and I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3425.78,"endTime":3428.2400000000002,"body":"said, you know, when I work with"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3428.2400000000002,"endTime":3432.02,"body":"people, I can work with you if"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3428.2400000000002,"endTime":3432.02,"body":"you're not spiritual, but it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3432.02,"endTime":3433.04,"body":"gonna be a lot harder,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3434.12,"endTime":3439.28,"body":"because, you know, I don't know"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3434.12,"endTime":3439.28,"body":"if you believe your loved one is"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3439.28,"endTime":3444.7,"body":"gone. I mean, you can, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3439.28,"endTime":3444.7,"body":"you can heal. I mean, you can,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3444.7,"endTime":3449.62,"body":"but it's going to be a lot"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3444.7,"endTime":3449.62,"body":"harder. And people, they ask"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3449.62,"endTime":3452.08,"body":"about helping parents, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3449.62,"endTime":3452.08,"body":"because we're non dogmatic."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3452.08,"endTime":3455.26,"body":"First of all, we're not, we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3452.08,"endTime":3455.26,"body":"not faith based, we're not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3455.26,"endTime":3458.38,"body":"spiritually based. But people"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3455.26,"endTime":3458.38,"body":"have said, if you come into the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3458.38,"endTime":3461.32,"body":"organization, we will not force"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3458.38,"endTime":3461.32,"body":"you to believe anything. We"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3461.32,"endTime":3463.56,"body":"won't. We don't have any dog."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3461.32,"endTime":3463.56,"body":"We're going to preach, but"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3463.56,"endTime":3465.78,"body":"you're probably going to start"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3463.56,"endTime":3465.78,"body":"believing it after a while,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3465.78,"endTime":3469.92,"body":"because it's just, you're going"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3465.78,"endTime":3469.92,"body":"to be surrounded by it. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3471.18,"endTime":3473.28,"body":"and I get that"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3471.18,"endTime":3473.28,"body":"people are going to your first"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3473.28,"endTime":3476.58,"body":"year, you're going to have those"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3473.28,"endTime":3476.58,"body":"waves. I called like, you're"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3476.76,"endTime":3479.2200000000003,"body":"you're like, Okay, I can"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3476.76,"endTime":3479.2200000000003,"body":"breathe. I'm walking, and then"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3479.2200000000003,"endTime":3481.88,"body":"something hits you, you see"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3479.2200000000003,"endTime":3481.88,"body":"something, and you're just, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3482.54,"endTime":3485.06,"body":"I think you just got to go"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3482.54,"endTime":3485.06,"body":"through the waves. And then over"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3485.06,"endTime":3488.3,"body":"the years, the waves get less,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3485.06,"endTime":3488.3,"body":"and as you connect with your"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3488.3,"endTime":3491.54,"body":"child, you feel them more. And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3488.3,"endTime":3491.54,"body":"so then it changes you"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3492.62,"endTime":3496.2200000000003,"body":"feel the more. As time goes on"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3492.62,"endTime":3496.2200000000003,"body":"and the waves are less, that's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3496.2200000000003,"endTime":3500.12,"body":"what I'd say. There is hope"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3496.2200000000003,"endTime":3500.12,"body":"everybody can do this, yeah, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3500.12,"endTime":3501.38,"body":"when, also, when the waves."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3501.46,"endTime":3504.04,"body":"Hit. People will"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3501.46,"endTime":3504.04,"body":"think, Okay, I just took a step"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3504.04,"endTime":3507.88,"body":"backward. I thought, I thought I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3504.04,"endTime":3507.88,"body":"had healed. But then my I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3509.08,"endTime":3511.9,"body":"had to go to a wedding, and I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3509.08,"endTime":3511.9,"body":"had to, I had to watch the first"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3511.9,"endTime":3512.32,"body":"dance. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3513.34,"endTime":3514.48,"body":"remember with Shayna"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3515.68,"endTime":3518.86,"body":"because she was 15 when her"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3515.68,"endTime":3518.86,"body":"friends started graduating from"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3518.86,"endTime":3520.96,"body":"high school, and they were"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3518.86,"endTime":3520.96,"body":"inviting us to the high school"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3520.96,"endTime":3524.04,"body":"graduations. And then when they"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3520.96,"endTime":3524.04,"body":"started graduating from college."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3524.4,"endTime":3526.86,"body":"And, you know, all those, all"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3524.4,"endTime":3526.86,"body":"those milestones, even though"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3526.86,"endTime":3529.98,"body":"they might be two, three years"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3526.86,"endTime":3529.98,"body":"later, you know, at those big"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3529.98,"endTime":3532.68,"body":"events, that's when you you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3529.98,"endTime":3532.68,"body":"really miss them. You know, when"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3532.68,"endTime":3535.8,"body":"my nephews got married, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3532.68,"endTime":3535.8,"body":"she was really, really close"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3535.8,"endTime":3538.38,"body":"with, you know, with her"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3535.8,"endTime":3538.38,"body":"cousins. And so those events"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3538.38,"endTime":3541.44,"body":"will, will bring those things"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3538.38,"endTime":3541.44,"body":"back. So the the waves may have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3541.44,"endTime":3544.4,"body":"turned into ripples for a while,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3541.44,"endTime":3544.4,"body":"but they can still, you know,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3544.4,"endTime":3546.44,"body":"hit you every once while, even"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3544.4,"endTime":3546.44,"body":"later on."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3548.18,"endTime":3552.44,"body":"Oh yeah, they they will. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3548.18,"endTime":3552.44,"body":"some people are a little bit"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3552.44,"endTime":3555.26,"body":"offended by the word healed,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3552.44,"endTime":3555.26,"body":"right? I don't know if you've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3555.26,"endTime":3559.28,"body":"heard that. I've heard that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3555.26,"endTime":3559.28,"body":"brought up more recently, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3559.28,"endTime":3564.34,"body":"what I always say is healing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3559.28,"endTime":3564.34,"body":"will go on for the rest of our"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3564.34,"endTime":3567.1,"body":"lives here on Earth. So we're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3564.34,"endTime":3567.1,"body":"going to continue. It will"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3567.1,"endTime":3571.2400000000002,"body":"evolve and it will shift, yeah?"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3567.1,"endTime":3571.2400000000002,"body":"But it's not like one day we'll"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3571.2400000000002,"endTime":3575.14,"body":"go, Oh, I'm done healing and I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3571.2400000000002,"endTime":3575.14,"body":"good. You know, everything's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3575.14,"endTime":3578.02,"body":"fine, because, of course, as"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3575.14,"endTime":3578.02,"body":"you've been mentioning, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3578.02,"endTime":3582.16,"body":"know, we're, we're going to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3578.02,"endTime":3582.16,"body":"continue to have those feelings,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3582.2200000000003,"endTime":3586.38,"body":"and the missing. The Missing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3582.2200000000003,"endTime":3586.38,"body":"isn't going to go away. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3586.38,"endTime":3589.5,"body":"typically don't use the word"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3586.38,"endTime":3589.5,"body":"healed. It's just it's so common"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3589.5,"endTime":3593.34,"body":"in the vernacular today, so"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3589.5,"endTime":3593.34,"body":"sometimes it does come out. But"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3593.34,"endTime":3596.2200000000003,"body":"I remember one of the first"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3593.34,"endTime":3596.2200000000003,"body":"Greek, the first grief counselor"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3596.2200000000003,"endTime":3599.34,"body":"I had, and she used a great"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3596.2200000000003,"endTime":3599.34,"body":"analogy. Said, you know, right"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3599.34,"endTime":3602.66,"body":"now, your whole your heart is a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3599.34,"endTime":3602.66,"body":"big hole in it, and it's been"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3602.66,"endTime":3607.16,"body":"ripped open, and it's raw around"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3602.66,"endTime":3607.16,"body":"the edges, and it hurts, you're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3607.2200000000003,"endTime":3610.34,"body":"always going to have that hole,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3607.2200000000003,"endTime":3610.34,"body":"but the edges will heal, will"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3610.34,"endTime":3614.66,"body":"heal up. So there will always be"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3610.34,"endTime":3614.66,"body":"that, that place and grief, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3614.66,"endTime":3618.08,"body":"also wouldn't say, based on"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3614.66,"endTime":3618.08,"body":"that, is grief is not a disease."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3618.08,"endTime":3623.56,"body":"It's not something to be healed."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3618.08,"endTime":3623.56,"body":"But that, that deep, raw, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3623.56,"endTime":3629.38,"body":"don't want to be here pain. That"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3623.56,"endTime":3629.38,"body":"can be, that we can we can move"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3629.38,"endTime":3633.82,"body":"on from we can move forward and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3629.38,"endTime":3633.82,"body":"say, Yeah, I missed them. Yes, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3633.82,"endTime":3637.18,"body":"wish they were, they were here,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3633.82,"endTime":3637.18,"body":"but I'm going to enjoy my life"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3637.18,"endTime":3639.7,"body":"because, well, no, I wish they"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3637.18,"endTime":3639.7,"body":"were. They are here. We just was"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3639.7,"endTime":3642.7200000000003,"body":"we're talking about. They are"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3639.7,"endTime":3642.7200000000003,"body":"here physically, but they're not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3642.7200000000003,"endTime":3645.12,"body":"here in the way that we would"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3642.7200000000003,"endTime":3645.12,"body":"like for them to be here. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3645.36,"endTime":3648.9,"body":"yeah, yeah. And you can have"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3645.36,"endTime":3648.9,"body":"amazing moments when you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3648.9,"endTime":3651.96,"body":"connect, when you just start"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3648.9,"endTime":3651.96,"body":"believing it, just be open to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3651.96,"endTime":3654.48,"body":"it, that's what I would say. And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3651.96,"endTime":3654.48,"body":"like I said, even if you have to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3654.48,"endTime":3658.26,"body":"fake it. But when you connect,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3654.48,"endTime":3658.26,"body":"when you just get put everything"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3658.26,"endTime":3661.44,"body":"else aside, just pretend you're"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3658.26,"endTime":3661.44,"body":"talking to your child and feel"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3661.44,"endTime":3664.28,"body":"their love, and get in that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3661.44,"endTime":3664.28,"body":"moment. Don't think about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3664.28,"endTime":3668.7200000000003,"body":"anybody else, just be there. You"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3664.28,"endTime":3668.7200000000003,"body":"can feel such love. It's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3668.78,"endTime":3671.36,"body":"unbelievable. And I think maybe"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3668.78,"endTime":3671.36,"body":"because they're helping you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3671.36,"endTime":3675.32,"body":"connect to your soul, that's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3671.36,"endTime":3675.32,"body":"kind of how I see it. Okay."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3675.8,"endTime":3679.64,"body":"Where did that come from? Did"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3675.8,"endTime":3679.64,"body":"somebody do that? Did you see"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3679.64,"endTime":3682.66,"body":"that? Oh, my gosh. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3684.82,"endTime":3687.34,"body":"yes, we know where"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3684.82,"endTime":3687.34,"body":"that came from."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3688.7200000000003,"endTime":3691.0,"body":"Okay, okay, that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3688.7200000000003,"endTime":3691.0,"body":"was fun. So for anybody that's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3691.0,"endTime":3694.48,"body":"listening to the podcast, not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3691.0,"endTime":3694.48,"body":"watching a zoom, this thumbs up"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3694.48,"endTime":3697.0,"body":"with bubbles around. It just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3694.48,"endTime":3697.0,"body":"came up. And I know there's, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3697.0,"endTime":3700.66,"body":"know there's a zoom reaction"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3697.0,"endTime":3700.66,"body":"thing, but I don't know if you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3700.66,"endTime":3704.34,"body":"triggered that somehow, but it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3700.66,"endTime":3704.34,"body":"not triggering now, so I don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3704.34,"endTime":3704.46,"body":"know."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3706.2,"endTime":3708.96,"body":"Oh, my goodness, that was cool."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3706.2,"endTime":3708.96,"body":"And"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3709.98,"endTime":3713.76,"body":"what I love about reading about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3709.98,"endTime":3713.76,"body":"other people's signs is signs"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3713.76,"endTime":3716.82,"body":"come in all different ways."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3713.76,"endTime":3716.82,"body":"Yeah, and you have to be open to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3716.82,"endTime":3719.16,"body":"them, you know, like the sign"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3716.82,"endTime":3719.16,"body":"you said about the dance at the"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3719.16,"endTime":3723.5,"body":"wedding, because if you don't"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3719.16,"endTime":3723.5,"body":"pay attention. It's the timing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3723.5,"endTime":3725.6,"body":"of the way things happen"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3723.5,"endTime":3725.6,"body":"sometimes other than thing that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3725.6,"endTime":3729.44,"body":"happened. So just you know your"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3725.6,"endTime":3729.44,"body":"nephew coming and your sister"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3729.44,"endTime":3732.44,"body":"saying, Have the dance. That's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3729.44,"endTime":3732.44,"body":"not necessarily that big of a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3732.44,"endTime":3736.64,"body":"deal, but the fact that you knew"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3732.44,"endTime":3736.64,"body":"that it was coming makes it a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3736.64,"endTime":3740.78,"body":"big deal. And I don't think I've"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3736.64,"endTime":3740.78,"body":"ever forget this one, because it"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3740.78,"endTime":3743.86,"body":"was, it's I was like listening"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3740.78,"endTime":3743.86,"body":"to a podcast one morning, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3743.86,"endTime":3747.52,"body":"this woman said, My daughter"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3743.86,"endTime":3747.52,"body":"sends me a sign that when I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3747.52,"endTime":3750.64,"body":"out somewhere strange, will walk"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3747.52,"endTime":3750.64,"body":"up and say, I knew your"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3750.64,"endTime":3755.7400000000002,"body":"daughter, and I thought, that's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3750.64,"endTime":3755.7400000000002,"body":"not a sign. Someone walking up"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3755.7400000000002,"endTime":3757.9,"body":"and saying I knew your daughter,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3755.7400000000002,"endTime":3757.9,"body":"that just they knew your"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3757.9,"endTime":3760.36,"body":"daughter and they saw you, and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3757.9,"endTime":3760.36,"body":"they just, there's just saying"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3760.36,"endTime":3763.56,"body":"that. It's not a sign. So I go"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3760.36,"endTime":3763.56,"body":"on my walk that morning, I walk"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3763.56,"endTime":3765.7200000000003,"body":"the same route. I've been"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3763.56,"endTime":3765.7200000000003,"body":"walking the same route for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3765.78,"endTime":3770.04,"body":"years, and I'm walking past this"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3765.78,"endTime":3770.04,"body":"house I walk by every single"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3770.04,"endTime":3772.68,"body":"day, and this woman walks down"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3770.04,"endTime":3772.68,"body":"the driveway, and she's got a"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3772.68,"endTime":3775.92,"body":"really long driveway, like, I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3772.68,"endTime":3775.92,"body":"don't know, 30 yards or"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3775.92,"endTime":3779.1,"body":"something. She walks up to me as"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3775.92,"endTime":3779.1,"body":"I'm walking past her mailbox. I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3779.1,"endTime":3782.06,"body":"take out my earbuds, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3779.1,"endTime":3782.06,"body":"like, yes, she goes. I just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3782.06,"endTime":3784.46,"body":"wanted to let you know I see you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3782.06,"endTime":3784.46,"body":"walking every day, and my"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3784.46,"endTime":3786.38,"body":"daughter knew your daughter."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3784.46,"endTime":3786.38,"body":"They were in Girl Scouts"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3786.38,"endTime":3789.02,"body":"together, and I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3790.2200000000003,"endTime":3793.64,"body":"Hey, I guess that's a sign."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3790.2200000000003,"endTime":3793.64,"body":"Someone's telling you exactly."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3793.64,"endTime":3794.36,"body":"It's a sign,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3795.68,"endTime":3798.92,"body":"yo? I have a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3795.68,"endTime":3798.92,"body":"quick one, yeah, please kind of"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3798.92,"endTime":3801.38,"body":"explain so my youngest daughter."},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3801.46,"endTime":3805.66,"body":"Was having a birthday, and I was"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3801.46,"endTime":3805.66,"body":"struggling what to get her,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3805.78,"endTime":3808.96,"body":"because the year before, she had"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3805.78,"endTime":3808.96,"body":"turned 21 a week after Davey's"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3808.96,"endTime":3811.42,"body":"transition, so it was not a good"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3808.96,"endTime":3811.42,"body":"birthday. So it's her next"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3811.42,"endTime":3814.96,"body":"birthday, and I'm in I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3811.42,"endTime":3814.96,"body":"Davey, what do I get her? And"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3814.96,"endTime":3817.84,"body":"he's like, remember we used to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3814.96,"endTime":3817.84,"body":"get this one. I'm not hearing a"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3817.84,"endTime":3821.7,"body":"voice, you guys. It's like in my"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3817.84,"endTime":3821.7,"body":"mind, right? And he said,"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3821.7,"endTime":3824.28,"body":"remember Dad and I used to get"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3821.7,"endTime":3824.28,"body":"Tiffany. We would go to"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3824.28,"endTime":3827.46,"body":"Tiffany's for you girls and get"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3824.28,"endTime":3827.46,"body":"you a little something. Go get"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3827.46,"endTime":3831.36,"body":"this infinity necklace, this one"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3827.46,"endTime":3831.36,"body":"thing. Okay, I'm going to go do"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3831.36,"endTime":3835.7400000000002,"body":"that. So I go do that. I get it"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3831.36,"endTime":3835.7400000000002,"body":"for and the morning, I give it"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3835.7400000000002,"endTime":3839.76,"body":"to her on her birthday. And I"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3835.7400000000002,"endTime":3839.76,"body":"read Suzanne Giesemann message"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3839.76,"endTime":3843.98,"body":"daily. I love her message every"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3839.76,"endTime":3843.98,"body":"day. And the message that day"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3843.98,"endTime":3847.4,"body":"was an infinity sign, and"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3843.98,"endTime":3847.4,"body":"explaining what the infinity"},{"speaker":"Allison Alison","startTime":3847.4,"endTime":3848.78,"body":"sign means. And I went"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3850.16,"endTime":3851.66,"body":"and I wrote"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3850.16,"endTime":3851.66,"body":"Suzanne, I said, Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3851.66,"endTime":3855.02,"body":"being my sign today. And for"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3851.66,"endTime":3855.02,"body":"that kind of thing, you just"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3855.02,"endTime":3858.62,"body":"have to pay attention. It's not"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3855.02,"endTime":3858.62,"body":"like, hey mom, I'm here. I'm"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3858.62,"endTime":3860.9,"body":"talking, you know what? I mean."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3858.62,"endTime":3860.9,"body":"It's like, you have to just pay"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3860.9,"endTime":3864.16,"body":"attention to things right,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3860.9,"endTime":3864.16,"body":"right? And again, I think that's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3864.16,"endTime":3868.06,"body":"what, like reading other"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3864.16,"endTime":3868.06,"body":"people's signs can help you do,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3868.06,"endTime":3872.02,"body":"because you start to notice and"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3868.06,"endTime":3872.02,"body":"you and you realize that it's"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3872.02,"endTime":3875.32,"body":"that it's so, yeah, we're coming"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3872.02,"endTime":3875.32,"body":"to the end of our time, but I"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3875.32,"endTime":3877.6,"body":"really appreciate you guys doing"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3875.32,"endTime":3877.6,"body":"this."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3878.7400000000002,"endTime":3881.32,"body":"What you do with helping parents"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3878.7400000000002,"endTime":3881.32,"body":"heal, being caring, listeners,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3881.32,"endTime":3884.76,"body":"we've talked about, because"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3881.32,"endTime":3884.76,"body":"people just so you know you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3884.76,"endTime":3887.58,"body":"don't have to be or not really"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3884.76,"endTime":3887.58,"body":"membership organization. But if"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3887.58,"endTime":3889.62,"body":"you want to reach out to"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3887.58,"endTime":3889.62,"body":"somebody, we have people that"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3889.62,"endTime":3892.8,"body":"are called caring listeners, you"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3889.62,"endTime":3892.8,"body":"can call up and talk to like,"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3892.8,"endTime":3897.54,"body":"like Dolores and like Allison."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3892.8,"endTime":3897.54,"body":"So appreciate you doing that."},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3897.9,"endTime":3901.68,"body":"Anything you want to share about"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3897.9,"endTime":3901.68,"body":"the book, helping parents heal"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3901.7400000000002,"endTime":3904.28,"body":"or yourselves before we before"},{"speaker":"Brian Smith","startTime":3901.7400000000002,"endTime":3904.28,"body":"we sign off for the evening,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3905.48,"endTime":3908.84,"body":"I would love to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3905.48,"endTime":3908.84,"body":"bring up the it's the amazing"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3908.84,"endTime":3913.2200000000003,"body":"synchronicity that started this"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3908.84,"endTime":3913.2200000000003,"body":"whole thing off was that it was"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3913.2200000000003,"endTime":3919.1,"body":"interesting the first time I and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3913.2200000000003,"endTime":3919.1,"body":"Allison and Nancy haina and Anne"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3919.1,"endTime":3922.18,"body":"Marie Taplin got together on"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3919.1,"endTime":3922.18,"body":"Zoom. Was we're just beginning"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3922.2400000000002,"endTime":3926.86,"body":"this process, this long, six"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3922.2400000000002,"endTime":3926.86,"body":"month or more, process of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3926.86,"endTime":3931.18,"body":"gathering everything, and we"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3926.86,"endTime":3931.18,"body":"talked about our children. It"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3931.18,"endTime":3936.58,"body":"turns out four. Now, Nancy does"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3931.18,"endTime":3936.58,"body":"have two sons, in spirit, but of"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3936.58,"endTime":3940.2400000000002,"body":"her one son, Joey, I believe,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3936.58,"endTime":3940.2400000000002,"body":"and the three of us, all of the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3940.2400000000002,"endTime":3945.18,"body":"boys were in their 20s and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3940.2400000000002,"endTime":3945.18,"body":"passed by way of a auto accident"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3945.18,"endTime":3949.98,"body":"of some sort, or a motor vehicle"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3945.18,"endTime":3949.98,"body":"type accident. And we thought,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3950.64,"endTime":3954.3,"body":"really the four of us, it just"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3950.64,"endTime":3954.3,"body":"so happens that they're all"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3954.3,"endTime":3958.38,"body":"boys, and they all was related"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3954.3,"endTime":3958.38,"body":"to a road type accident,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3959.76,"endTime":3965.06,"body":"which felt very much like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3959.76,"endTime":3965.06,"body":"this is a sign Hello. And"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3965.06,"endTime":3968.06,"body":"they're all saying, Hello, yes,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3965.06,"endTime":3968.06,"body":"you are supposed to be doing"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3968.06,"endTime":3971.06,"body":"this. And it felt very"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3968.06,"endTime":3971.06,"body":"validating that we were there"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3971.06,"endTime":3975.56,"body":"together. Yeah, so yeah, just"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3971.06,"endTime":3975.56,"body":"there's"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3977.06,"endTime":3981.44,"body":"for anyone again, as we've"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3977.06,"endTime":3981.44,"body":"already mentioned, that is"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3981.44,"endTime":3984.2200000000003,"body":"starting this journey, or even"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3981.44,"endTime":3984.2200000000003,"body":"if you've been on it for a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3984.2200000000003,"endTime":3989.26,"body":"couple of years, there's just so"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3984.2200000000003,"endTime":3989.26,"body":"much validation of not only"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3990.28,"endTime":3993.1,"body":"how difficult this has been and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3990.28,"endTime":3993.1,"body":"what you've gone through, but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3993.4,"endTime":3995.62,"body":"that your child is here,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3997.18,"endTime":4000.3,"body":"the signs, of course, like you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":3997.18,"endTime":4000.3,"body":"said, Brian, there's just so"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4000.3,"endTime":4002.42,"body":"many different kinds, and"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4000.3,"endTime":4002.42,"body":"they're All mentioned in the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4002.42,"endTime":4006.62,"body":"book is just one after another."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4002.42,"endTime":4006.62,"body":"And to really be able to take a"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4006.62,"endTime":4010.94,"body":"look at what, what have we"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4006.62,"endTime":4010.94,"body":"learned from this? Is, what have"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4010.94,"endTime":4013.94,"body":"we gotten out of this? Because,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4010.94,"endTime":4013.94,"body":"believe it or not, we have there"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4013.94,"endTime":4016.64,"body":"are things, good things that"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4013.94,"endTime":4016.64,"body":"actually people don't want to"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4016.64,"endTime":4020.0,"body":"admit that, but there are good"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4016.64,"endTime":4020.0,"body":"things that have come from this."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4020.12,"endTime":4023.68,"body":"And it's beautiful to look at"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4020.12,"endTime":4023.68,"body":"that. It's hard to say those"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4023.68,"endTime":4027.52,"body":"words sometimes even now, but I"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4023.68,"endTime":4027.52,"body":"know, I know, but I hesitate,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4027.64,"endTime":4032.5,"body":"yeah, yeah, yeah. Allison, any"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4027.64,"endTime":4032.5,"body":"last words, just reiterating"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4032.5,"endTime":4035.92,"body":"that you're not alone, because"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4032.5,"endTime":4035.92,"body":"right now, I know it feels very"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4035.92,"endTime":4039.34,"body":"lonely on this journey, but"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4035.92,"endTime":4039.34,"body":"you're not. There's many people"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4039.34,"endTime":4043.44,"body":"here and many people across the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4039.34,"endTime":4043.44,"body":"veil that are there for you?"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4044.1,"endTime":4047.52,"body":"Yeah, absolutely. Well again."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4044.1,"endTime":4047.52,"body":"Thank you so much for being"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4047.52,"endTime":4050.58,"body":"here. And you guys enjoy the"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4047.52,"endTime":4050.58,"body":"rest of your evenings. And thank"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4050.58,"endTime":4053.76,"body":"you Brian for all you can do,"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4050.58,"endTime":4053.76,"body":"your book, your podcast, you"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4053.76,"endTime":4058.08,"body":"helped me. Oh yes, Brian, thank"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4053.76,"endTime":4058.08,"body":"you for all of it. It's so good."},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4058.08,"endTime":4061.88,"body":"I do listen all the time. You"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4058.08,"endTime":4061.88,"body":"have these so many amazing"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4062.12,"endTime":4065.06,"body":"speakers and guests. So thank"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4062.12,"endTime":4065.06,"body":"you so much. Brian, awesome. All"},{"speaker":"Dolores Cruz","startTime":4065.06,"endTime":4066.44,"body":"right, talk to you guys later."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":4084.32,"endTime":4084.44,"body":"You"}]}