Miami Knight- Shining Light Mom- Gun Violence Prevention Advocate- Ep. 81

Miami's Knight is a powerhouse. After her son Ty-Key took his own life with a gun, years after being shot and witnessing the murder of his best friend, Miami dedicated her life to healing herself and others. She is a gun violence prevention advocate. She is a certified grief counselor. She is an energy healer.

In this interview, we discuss the events that led up to Ty-Key's passing and the journey Miami has been on since then.

You can find Miami at: https://miamiknightllc.com/meet-miami

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Transcript

Brian Smith
Hey everybody this is Brian Smith with grief to growth back with another episode and today I've got with me Miami Knight. Miami is a fellow shining light parent and for you Miami you may not know what that is but helping parents heal would call people who have children transition. We call them shining light parents because we feel like our kids are shining lights and we're trying to become shining light. So that's where that term comes from. But Miami is a grief educator and trainer. Miami experienced three major life changing losses within her family structure in eight years. She lost her father and sister have complicated natural causes. And her beloved son Kai ki who was shot in an incident which also claimed the life of his friends. His friend, I say, don't take he survived. He lived with PTSD, depression, anxiety and survivor's remorse. And five years after his attempted murder Tai Chi died by gun suicide. Miami is a certified administer master grief coach with a specialty in bereavement recovery. She authored the cryptkeeper process a grief guide to mastering spiritual healing. She's a demonic energy practitioner and the host of grief talk on it's the Miami Night Show. She also serves on the National Council for behavioral health as a Mental Health First Aider and is trained as a QPR suicide prevention gatekeeper wants to talk about that is because I don't know. Miami is the co founder of Miami Knight LLC, a grief education and training company. She's also a gun violence prevention advocate who serves as a volunteer with Moms Demand Action to calm as survivor membership Lee. She also provides grief support and mentorship but survivors connected leadership team Miami's a voice for every town survivor network, a part of both Moms Demand Action and every time for gun safety. sharing a story with an array of audiences is quite a resume Miami Welcome to grief to growth.

Miami Knight
Thank you so much.

Brian Smith
So I'm not sure exactly where to start with you. There's so much I think we could talk about so I'm going to let you decide where do you want to start to start Talking about Tai Chi or about the work you're doing now?

Unknown Speaker
Oh, sure. I'll start with him if he's always the topic of my day anyway, I start with him in the morning. So, yes, I'm in 2011, my son actually was shot, critically injured. He was actually shot. him and his best friend both but his best friend did not survive. And this was December 17 of 2011. Fortunately, attackee did survive. It was intense, you know, getting him back to his self, which was all types of rehab, therapy for speech, you know, getting up to be able to walk all over again. And then there was this trial, so he was the surviving key witness. And so he was able to fight to provide his story in order to have the gentlemen both gentlemen that were behind this quote that they were having street beef was able to receive justice on the behalf of Ty Pete and as well as the family that lost their son as well. Five years after that type he died by gun suicide. And I can say that now so much more easier than that. Of course originally when it first initially happened. We would think that the most devastating day was me getting that phone call from Pensacola stating that he was shot and his best friend was killed but the most devastating amount was finally hearing that Turkey had died when his father called me. Turkey in between those five years he moved here because actually he was in he was right and Pensacola, Florida with his father. And of course, we did the of course, occasional yearly. Once he got out of school, he would come here for the summer, or you know, birthdays, holidays or I would go there, come here. It was just a big transition. Having a a family, a multiple family with I had a they had a different father. So with them growing apart my children and myself, of course, growing apart, even I could say with Turkey because of course, it wasn't the day to day I was a day to day mom being there every day, of course. And so I had all of this guilt and shame, of course after he died because I wasn't there every day. But over the course of learning what grief was for me and learning how to not leave without my son being in the world. That was, it was very challenging, I must say. But after about a year, I would say, I simply just decided, and that's really the key to being able to, you know, move forward, which is just deciding that I needed to do something differently Besides, in my grave. Of course, I've mourned him a lot. I was very distracted all the time. didn't know how to, you know, focus Stay focused. But what I can say is I had a lot of support, and I had ways of getting myself back to that. Getting back on track, I would say. And by doing that, which was deciding I started making steps and I, the first thing I could say is I decided the second thing I did is I started communing with others more often, because, of course, you know, losing a child or just losing anyone, you kind of lose your sense of self. So you're not wanting to even be around the people that are close to you in your own household which could be your spouse or your other children. So I had to kind of get used to reconvening with some people just within itself. I started going back to work. And I went to a vision board party, and in that vision board for door that vision board party, it just came to me of the things that I needed to do which which was Going to help me move forward. And actually, today's prototype Toki, originally, two days prior to typing, dying, I was having a session with a young lady, which is a Greek, excuse me, which is a life coach. And she was helping me organize what my business was gonna look like. And at the time, I am also certified in event coordination and event planning. So I was starting my own event, the core company at the time. And of course, his death threw me for a loop. So that kind of just went wayward in that time period, but I had a 90 day plan of what to do as far as starting my business, my religious practices. Also, what else was it a month, the physicalities of exercising and all of the things that I needed to do the four corners of my life, which I was needing support with at the time? Yes. So I had this this these things to do, and I just started doing them, but that's kind of What help me get back?

Brian Smith
Wow. Wow So um, you just happen to be seeing a life coach right before he made his transition. Is that set correctly?

Miami Knight
Yes. Okay

Unknown Speaker
a 90 day plan designed for me to work through what I needed to do not always say you know, you know God can always know what's going on prior to what we do and he really just gave me a plan because after I came back from Florida after the funeral I was just like really confused.

Brian Smith
Yeah.

Unknown Speaker
Going through his things because of course you know, we brought back a lot of stuff and then I was going through everything just trying to find you know, a sign or you know, just I was just lost and I really needed to understand how could How did we get here which I know how I got here but it just feel I needed some some solace to tell me you know, Mom, this you know, I'm sorry or so I just needed something. On this. I did find a lot of those things because I bought back a lot of music. He was like a lyricist. He was a he had been rapping since he was 19 years old. And he was in gospel groups. So he did a lot of recording of music. And he wrote so much and I have his entire copyright catalog of everything that he did. So I was able to go and piece together those things of, you know, his traumas and things that he thought about, which he suffered a lot because he still had the bullet lodged in his head. They didn't remove it because they thought he would be paralyzed on his left side, which he did have some paralysis on that side, but he totally came back as you know, to the to itself, I would say the only thing he had was a limp on his left side, but other than that he was back fully. You wouldn't have known that he had been shot. You couldn't even see scars. So you On the outside, it looked like he had it all together. But people still grieve so much. And also that survivor's remorse of losing his best friend. was very traumatic for him.

Brian Smith
Yeah, I guess that would have to be how it was he when he passed again

Unknown Speaker
22 and 22. He was seven they both were 17 year old. Yeah.

Brian Smith
Yeah, that that's a tough time anyway. And then the, as you said, the survivor's guilt and the trauma of going through all that, I'm sure was just really, really hard on him. So after after he, he passed and I don't use the word die very often. So I was trying to explain that to people. It's not that I don't realize people do our bodies do die, but I believe that die key survived. So that's my personal beliefs. I don't use the word die. But after he, he transitioned, you were planning this event coordinating business. So where did you go after that? Did you start the business?

Unknown Speaker
Yes, actually, I did. I had a launch and everything. And I still was searching in that yearning, period of grief, I was still looking for psyche, and how can I be, you know, more successful into honoring him. And I could pass part have been to a party for such a long time. And I just wanted more for myself as well. So I did a couple of other things, which was journaling. And then that's when I started writing, basically, the memoir of what has happened over the last eight years of my loved ones. And I still needed more understanding about the process. So I started researching and looking up grief experts and what their thoughts of what grief was and also to understand what I was possibly going through at the time. So that kind of transitioned me into a whole nother round, which was the grief education. And then I became certified as a master group coach, because I wanted to know how to support myself and I know My son was coping and I didn't want everybody to just cope, I wanted them to find the skills that they needed to be able to move forward. If they had been dealing ours, you know, we deal with a lot of things that don't necessarily have to be death, but I want it to be able to support others, and how to do that. So, and I did some background work for either myself and some clearing energies and things that I had stored and never released. And I went to a woman's retreat, and I learned what childhood trauma release was. And that was and I definitely needed some of those things because of things that happened in my childhood. And also just like, like I said, the fact of me holding on to that being a day to day parent. To me, that was really like the hardest thing for me. Because, like I said, the shame, the guilt of thinking that I could have done something more, which I know now that there's nothing that could have changed the outcomes. So I went to To my end after I went to visit time ki grave after a year's time, because my older children, they want to go on his death anniversary. And they went, but I wasn't quite ready. I waited to kind of like later that in the year around August and this was after I had done the grief training, and I was I felt like that kind of prepared me a little bit more to go to the grave site. And I went there and I just, you know, loved on him and loved on that space in that time and just, I got so many signs of him while I was there, and I left there and we my husband and I we drove to Miami, Florida and that's originally where I'm from I was born there. wasn't raised there what we left when I was about two years old, so I kind of missed out on the tradition and the customs of Miami not really knowing what that was. And I also knew the story behind my name, which was my father set on the on the beach and watch the sunrise every morning and when he saw the Son makes the word he just thought that was the most profound and beautiful thinking about. So that's where my name came from. And I want it to experience that because I had been to my new course back and forth over the years, but never experienced what my father thought of me. And I actually did that after going to visit Tai Chi because I needed to really connect with myself. And when I did that, that's when I had my spiritual awakening. And grief just happened to be a part of the lot for me. And in doing that, that's how I got here. That's how I'm sitting here talking to you now because everything else to start falling into place. This is where I'm supposed to be. Yes, the event decor business will also be a part of any type of gathering that I may have, because I just love to decorate. Yeah. It's more so that I needed to be in the space to help others with going through and getting them through the process.

Brian Smith
Yeah. Well, it sounds like you, you just poured yourself into it, you know, and this this event, and I think of, I think of it as a triggering event that we go through. And I think these are the types of things that kind of launch us into the next phase of our life. And so I can see with you, I mean, you are doing this event planning the coordinating thing. Probably had no idea you're going to be doing grief and, and working and gun violence. And then suddenly you're like, Okay, this is this is my path. This is what I'm here to do.

Miami Knight
Yeah, absolutely.

Brian Smith
So I'm interested in the energy healing that you do. When did that come into the picture?

Unknown Speaker
Well, it came into the picture after I started the mike Reid coaching organization, and then I really wanted to learn more about the grounding process. And as I stated early, I had start writing my book, which is the key process, a great guide to spiritual healing, and I want to really work, connect with my ancestors and do some healing in work there. But I started first with meditation and and meditation was just the beginning of the spiritual work and it was actually what connected me to my spirit center and who I consider my god and working with my guides and ancestors and all the spirit beings that live on me. I started understanding what that was more so in being steel, and that's just simply what the meditation was. After that, I started changing my diet. I became a vegan because I needed a real change throughout my spirit, body and soul. I just wanted to, you know, become a whole new being and I became a plant based vegan, and my husband and I we actually started it from doing The 21 day Daniel fast, we just never went back to eating meat thereafter. So the easiest way I feel for us was doing the fast and then just transitioning over into that. And that's kind of what got me clear. It changed my mindset. I could hear my senses even better and smell. Even, you know, my smelling senses even got broader. Waking up was I start feeling better within my body. I wasn't in so much pain because I struggled with chronic pain. So I was all of those things by just changing my diet, it changed me. And then I understood, I started learning about mindfulness. And then when I started learning about mindfulness and about what that meant, and just being in the present moment, the spirituality just kept coming along with it. It just kept following and I started exercising more and one day I was out walking. And one of my friends she had called me and she was like, Oh, my name is just like, you know, your hands are so healing. I just I need you to do some work on me. And I was like, okay, and I started learning about what Reiki was what Reiki energy was, and that's an old Japanese tradition that is well known. And it actually allows the practitioner to move energy throughout the chakras. And I wanted to know what that actually meant. And if I could try to work on myself and kind of like I said, I struggle with chronic pain. And I wanted to know if I could do that for myself. And I had actually worked on people not even realizing that what Reiki was,

Brian Smith
yeah,

Unknown Speaker
once I started learning more about it, I was like, Yeah, I've had this all along. So you know, it's a really amazing experience if you've ever if you can ever get an opportunity to try it, but it definitely helps you with Removing negative thoughts and intrusive thoughts that you may have. And also by doing some of those things with guided trances or guided meditations, it can help release energy throughout the body. And that's how I kind of transitioned born more and more over to the ancestral side of working with them, and just wanting to heal some of the lineage, generational stuff within my family. When I felt like he was kind of a little, hung up a little after his transition, and I wanted to make sure and I say that because for the longest time, I kind of, of course, I didn't feel his spirit close to me at first, but after I started becoming more clear of this is okay for me to live this life without him. I started learning that I have to connect with him. And if I didn't talk to him, he wasn't going to talk to me. I have a relationship with me. And so before I start having this relationship with him, and my ancestors, which was constantly always talking to my grandmother, or my aunt, or my sister and my, and my father as well, they got they, they both they all became closer to me. So as I started feeling more connected with them and doing certain types of rituals, which could be a water ritual, which could simply be a prayer, or giving food to your ancestors or just offering something offering some type of offering to them, to let them know that you want to have in a relationship with them. And if you open yourself to it and get more in depth with the mindfulness and meditation, you can definitely open yourself into learning more about what that spiritual connection will look like for you and your loved one.

Brian Smith
Wow. So I'm curious as to what your your spirituality what would you How would you describe today and what was it like before and when and if it changed when it changed? I mean, were you raised in this type of Spirituality.

Unknown Speaker
Well, actually, my parents always had said that they knew something was a little different about me because I had a, you know how a child may have a little friend that they always talk to. And you know, that's just kind of common for kids to have that a child could friend that you might talk to that's not there. Well, mine was my mother said that mine was a little bit more extra than just a little friend that would come and I would play and just be playing in a room with my mom actually felt that I was seeing spirit a lot. And I've always been connected with meditating. I've taught my children they're very early on. It has always gravitated to me. I've always been able to commune with spirit and always hear other spirits talk to me when I'm having conversations to other people. And I'm pretty much to say a lot of my girlfriend's that condo there goes to confirm where she was going. To confirm it, because I will often say something that they have heard or to say it or they just thought about in what just come to me in a conversation that I'm having with someone and I can actually hear others ancestors talking to me to relay a message. So I've always kind of had this linkage between me and spirit anyway, I just finally really start working at it. And for myself more into it after he passed. And as I just as, like I said, the big thing for me was releasing some of the Chaplet trauma which was suppressing things that were it was a it was actually suppressing my spirituality in order for me not to grow in that area, because I was so bogged down with the weight of everything else. But once I started removing those intrusive thoughts and things that no longer serve me, which was things that I hadn't dealt with, it allowed me to have a more, I guess, communal relationship with my higher consciousness. And then so therefore, I was able to start hearing more voices and being able to connect with them and not shying away from it or being afraid of it.

Brian Smith
Yeah. So what would you call your spiritual right now? Is there a name for it is just to

Unknown Speaker
name actual, actually licensed shotgun. Okay, okay. Just for me. It's just me. Yeah, it's been this way. But if I had to go practical, I would just say I have studied the shotgun. I have had shotgun training.

Brian Smith
Yeah. And I wasn't I wasn't meaning to make you put a label on it because I tell people I practice Brian ism. You know, I was I was raised as a Christian. And I've studied Buddhism and I believe in Buddhist philosophy. I think there's a lot of good stuff there. But I'm I'm on a path now where I'm just taking where truth wherever I find it. So here or there, whatever. And I think we all is my opinion, we all have our unique spiritual path because it's different for all of us. We connect to our higher self or spirit or wherever you want to call it, and a unique way. So, yeah, I think it's really fascinating to hear how your development has come along to get you to the point where you are now.

Miami Knight
Yeah, thank you.

Brian Smith
So, um, I want to talk about your gun violence work. Also, there's just so much to talk about with you. I want to make sure we touch on all of it. So tell me about your work with gun violence.

Unknown Speaker
Oh, yes. Um, well, last July, I actually went to my first Moms Demand Action meeting. And it was actually it was a wear orange event. And that's kind of like what I have on today. We were orange in the month of June, to signify live lives that national Gun Violence Awareness. So we just actually had that a couple of weeks ago, and it's usually around the first of June. And what that signifies is all of the survivors and just individuals that have had some type of encounter with gun violence, and we We like to celebrate our loved ones who have transitioned. And we want to just let people know that you know, we are here, we still have our grievances, but yet, you know, we're stronger together as a unit. So I started working with Moms Demand Action here in Georgia. And it's really been a great resource for me to just connect with other mothers who have gone through similar weakness as myself or it doesn't have to necessarily be that it's, you know, a loss of your child. I've also interviewed mass shooting survivors, individuals that have just been victimized with guns.

Unknown Speaker
families that have been affected by

Unknown Speaker
intentional homicide as well as domestic violence, also unintentional deaths. That happens a lot when when guns are unsecured and left and left in the homes and of course, like now and right up Of course, due to COVID, you know, children are out of school, which just recently here in Georgia that just happened here. Just last week I saw on the news, individuals losing their lives, children losing their lives due to finding guns in the home. So it's been very interesting to work with individuals that has an array of different instances of who is a survivor. Sometimes we don't even identify being a survivor. Say, for instance, if you lost your father, when you were a child to gun violence, you might even recognize that that means that you're a survivor. You are a survivor of being a gun violence victim because of your association with your lost loved one. So it's just kind of helping Montana action is just one of the greatest and largest grassroots organizations that is out there that strengthens gun laws and policies and making America safe. What we want to do here, and, you know, the statistics about gun violence is just, you know, crazy. It's like for women's, you know, every 16 hours. In America, a woman is either killed or shot due to the impact of a former, our prior or previous now intimate partner and suicide makes up 60% of gun deaths. So I really wanted to make that connection for myself to be able to speak up and and advocate and be able to talk to lawmakers about you know, making the change and by us telling our stories, it really makes makes other people understand, hey, I've gone through this, you can't do it, you know, gun bullets doesn't have any names on them at some times, you know? scares me when we have holidays and people are shooting up in the air and those bullets have to come down and go somewhere. So it's just mom's actually gives us the opportunity and also every town for gun safety. It gives us the opportunity to educate ourselves on gun violence and how to be able to work with our lawmakers to make a difference. Wow.

Brian Smith
And also you do suicide prevention so much as suicide prevention work.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, actually, I've done walks for a tightwad did a walk. Last year, about 17 of us came together, and we did out of darkness here in Georgia, For the American Foundation of suicide prevention. And that's just really something that I think if you are a part of the suicide community to definitely to make sure that you connect with those resources because they do so much more of course than the walks but we actually are able to still learn Understand, we have now think, you know due to co but we do a lot of zoom calls and just the training for from licensed professional counselors that come on and share, you know, new data and new education and how to talk about it. And that's what QPR is. It's a it's a response type. Learning to help understand and talk by axing the questions by being persuaded into refer. That's what QPR means. Okay, yeah. So it really kind of just gives the preventive type work of how to support someone that may be suicidal, and knowing those funds and to be active and what we can do to support them, to get them to get them the help that they need.

Brian Smith
Yeah, that's that's really important. I think, with everything that's going on in the world right now. Probably more needed than than ever, you know, between the with the code get locked down as you refer to with the gun violence, but also the economic disruption we're going through and the lifestyle disruption that we're going through people are there, there's, there's all kinds of trauma going on right now. And even grief, I mean, people are grieving because grief doesn't necessarily have to come from a death, it could come from the loss of a job or, you know, the loss of our freedom. You know, some people are feeling right now, because we can't get out. So the work that you're doing is so very much needed, you know, in the world, you know, right at this particular time. So you mentioned earlier, ancestral healing, I'd like to hear more about that you were talking about so there's a way we can heal like generational trauma.

Unknown Speaker
Absolutely. And it's really just based on you communing with that source. And that just means I have an altar. So I have an altar and I may use crystals or I may use I may even sometimes I put Skittles out because I think He looks good. So so I may have that out my mind. Others like to smoke so I may have some thing that he likes to smoke on or so that's just kind of, you know, building off to four of the fingers that your loved one may have. So if there's a head, you could put the hat there. I also, I have one of my favorite directors that I used to work with when I worked in community service and she loves peppermint. So I have peppermint out for her, you know, as well so it's getting the, the, your the soul, an opportunity to come back into being with you. And if you actually do just prayers and and holding a container, holding a container is just holding space for your loved one or that spirit being to connect with you. And being able to do that is just simply lighting candles repeating screen You're saying your prayers um being able to do rituals which may include water or sand or you know you walking outside on the ground feeling your feet against the earth looking a tree you know coming really connected with the earth is all parts of working with ancestral healing and what you know you can design it to what you look like there's no one fit all they decide to put anything on anything that you feel that's going to bring you closer and have a deeper connection with your loved one bring all the invite all those things in like I said any type of foods that they may have, unfortunately dispose of it after some time but um, water is a good way to always connect with spirits so I have water throughout my space. And of course, like I said, my candles I have my oils and my, my sprays. So whatever That's gonna work for you just building a closer connection and communing with them is what they want and what they desire. And by you being able to do that, I can't say that it'll just happen overnight for you. But by you deciding that this is how I can connect with my loved one sitting still and listening. Now, it'll happen over time. I mean, I know even for you and maybe, I'm sure your daughter has come to you with some form of action. So you know, when that happens, you can invite that to be even happen even more. It's just what do you have to decide on the relationship that you want with? So yeah, that's what

Brian Smith
here's what I'm curious about. You and I are both African American. And and the last couple of weeks. I mean, you and I spoke I guess it's been a couple of months ago now to set this up. And since then, things have just gone crazy. Yeah, and you know, frankly, I woke up this morning, and I just felt Like the weight of the world was on me, because of all the stuff that's going on. And it's not like anything has really changed. I think people, their eyes have been open to it. So, first of all to say that it's not like the world went crazy in the last two weeks, but we're open to it. So I was listening to music this morning, I was listening to sounds of blackness, which I listened to when I'm down. And I was thinking about, like, all of our ancestors. I mean, is there anything that we could do for them? Not Not my person necessarily, because I don't know my ancestors. You know, we lost that history when we were brought over here. So I'm just curious, is there anything we can do about that?

Unknown Speaker
Absolutely. Um, it's just speaking out to who you can call into your present to whoever that you feel that may be from your father's side, from your mother's side, or just as we're communion as the world is one and by those spirits to come and hold and you hold space for us being able to recover and to be Be able to understand that this time was called we are called to this time right now and simply probably just be caught to this time to be more aware of what has been happening generational over and over time again, especially what's happening right now. Social, social justice movement. And I just actually feel just having the opportunity to sit and just sit still with what has happened. Like you said, You woke up this morning, feeling like the weight is on your shoulder and take that energy and transmute and transmute it and inward and just filled in hole what that feels like for you. Well, is it is it rough? Is it is it ugly? Is it red? Is it what does that feel like and get it back in honor to to be able to move in solidarity so that we can forward you know, just love on it, nurture it and make it feel better what for whatever whatever you feel that you need to do with that weight? Take I mean, you Have to really, really realistically take things just like you said, if it's the weight of your shoulder, take that thing off of your shoulder, hold it in front of you put energy to it, we have we have the power to put energy to it, remove it, whatever it feels like if it feels rough, or heavy, or, like you said, You felt the weight of that weight look like if you had to examine and look at it. And if you had to move it to a transition, and to something that looks lighter, yeah, better feather. Imagine that and do that. If you have the power to do that as just, you don't have to be certified. You don't have to be a shaman. You can take the weight of the world off of your hands. Think about what's happening in the world. Like I always send energy and Reiki to the protesters and still everything that's going on. Reiki is simply just a prayer. You know, there's a lot of times that we could be driving by and there's a accident on the side of the road and you just make Just not even realizing that you're just putting your hands up to the window as you're driving by, and you're sending energy to that individual that's having that send that collision. Yeah, realizing you're sending Reiki you're doing distant, right?

Brian Smith
Yeah, I've been doing that for years. And I did it to my daughters. You know, I never even heard of Reiki but when they weren't bed at night, I put my hands over the mountain time

Unknown Speaker
absolutely is just that simple. And it's just making it what feels natural and what's best for you. But as far as to answer the question as far as our ancestors and how can we feel that it's whatever you desire and whatever you feel is best long as you're doing the right thing as far as working with yourself and want to heal the world can't nothing natural, but come back to you. But the greatness and the goodness was already inside of you to help bless the world just like this podcast that you're doing. You're blessing the world. You're giving your energy, you're putting your energy into it. So you can put your energy just in a prayer it just it just in a mantra just in just sitting still. Connecting with your higher spirit. And just communing with that and just making it better and taking it away. You can do that.

Brian Smith
Yeah, I'm reading this book right now called the team. And it basically talks about how we're all we're all one, we're all connected. We're all we're none of us as individuals, we're in smaller groups that are part of larger groups that are larger groups. And ultimately, we're all one. And I'm really starting to feel that more and more. And I guess what I'm feeling and this book is an interesting concept because it says you can heal past trauma, you can actually change the past trauma in your own life. And I'm thinking, well, maybe we could even reach back farther than that, and help the trauma that our ancestors went through. But it's just there's like, so much. I mean, I'm just looking every day, there's just more that we're finding out about the history that's been hidden from us. And, and the way that our people been treated for hundreds of years, not just you know, a few years, and then people that say, well, that's over that all ended, you know, like, you know, whatever. Then I see this morning, that there The NASCAR driver, they found a noose in his in his garage. So it's certainly not over. It's something that you know, so the things that you're doing the things that I'm doing, I feel like we are trying to work on healing, you know, on healing the world. And so I didn't want to break I wanted to bring that out because I think it's really important. And I think especially now and I was talking to someone just a few weeks before all this kind of broke loose with the George Floyd Mark murder. We were talking about COVID and we're like, what that was doing to the world and how we were all okay, maybe this is here to wake us up to to start a new thing. And then bam, or we're right into this, you know, right on the heels of that. So, there's so much but as you and I both found out, so much growth can come out of the trauma. So that's what we we need to try to transmute it, I guess, trying to transform it.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Because I've been telling like a lot of my sisters that are in the gun violence prevention movement. I just think that it is just the time that You know, it's been it's kind of kept us up late at night. It's kind of retriggered. us, it's kind of it's done a lot of things, you know, when you're so used to going about the same day to day, and now that things have kind of shifted, and it's has, it has had us to be reminded of our triggers is reminded us of where we need to grow even more. It's reminding us that, yes, that gun violence is still you know, a part of the epidemic, which is really a pandemic. It's been around a long time, and it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. So it's enough, like I said, endemic within itself. So I think it's just giving us the tools that we need for this time, to be able to do more work and helping others understand, you know, what we've gone through what we're going through, and also still to even help others that are not even a part of the movement, just as a collective Group dealing with social and justices and what that looks like. You know, I've seen a lot of division even inside of the awareness of what's going on, even outside of small groups groups, even inside of black and light skin and darker skin. You know, I've seen division all over the place. I've seen that, like I said, even inside of the movement that I'm in, yeah, we're also learning to, I believe is things that are no longer supported us. We need new tools for our toolbox. We need other ways of stretching us because we had gotten really comfortable. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And,

Brian Smith
you know, I think I've seen also with a lot of people that are dealing with grief. You mentioned triggers, and when you're dealing with people who've been in grief, know what that means. It could be anything. It could be a song on the radio, it could be an event, it could be you know, it real or anything and this is triggering A lot of people who thought their grief work was done. Yeah. They're like, No, it's just bringing up all this just bringing all that stuff up again, you know, all the all the trauma, and then certainty. So, you know, I think, again, people like you are going to really be needed in this time because people that that think, oh, I don't need to do any of this work is going to be like, yeah, I really do. And, and I'm finding, you know, people who are new to this, what's going on, you know, with, with all the racial stuff that we're seeing, they're just like, How can this be? And I'm like, Guys, it's been going on for a long time. You know, wake up, you know, that's why I'm glad you're here. Now. This is this is a marathon, not a sprint, because they want to know, like, how can I fix it? I want out, what can I do? I want to fix it today. And I'm like, first we got to understand it, and then we could work on fixing it.

Unknown Speaker
Right? And then we have to even as black black Americans, we have to be okay with having the conversations about it. If it's tough or not. We just have to you know, every single Doesn't have to be I don't feel has to be everything doesn't have to be a conversation but I do believe that we need to be able to be okay with having the rough conversations when there are individuals that don't see our side. You know, I just think that we have to at this time just be mindful and and listen more so than speed. I just think that this is a time where to become more aware of what's happening and and learn from these experiences now, because they look a lot different from 10 years ago. What we're experiencing even just it looks different from last year, from me being a part of the gun violence prevention movement. So I think that right now is a good time to just get to know who you are and what best works for you and with with dealing with grief. I think it's a do under And that it's a journey even for myself, it's been a journey and everybody just really needs to understand that I have to decide what it's going to look like for me. And that, you know, grief isn't just one size fit all. It's really based on what you feel what you're going through, you know, of course, how long and how much you love that individual. Even if it's a divorce, if you're struggling with that type of loss, who you are now, outside of that, that union and what does your life look like now? It's really a time to really get to know yourself and in what all that this time is bringing, and that sounds so cliche and sounds like that's so simple, but it's work. It's actually worth trying to get to get to where I am now. It really took some understanding and some, you know me messing up Some things and me just fiddling my way through the darkness, a deciding to have a support group because at times, you know, we don't want to be bothered when you're when you're grieving, you just don't want to be bothered with nobody. I don't want, I don't have time for it, I don't want to hear. But you know, I've learned so much and people just got to give, you have to be patient with their process and just be okay with dealing with the type of loss that they're experiencing. And just dealing with it going through with feeling the weight of it, not turning off the fact that it's going to be painful, feel the pain, you know, not wanting to talk, not talk about it, not hearing the voices that are in your head, not feeling set, feel everything and what obon has taught me because I just recently lost an uncle COVID and thank you and that's a whole new experience. within itself, because if you're not being able to maybe possibly go to a funeral or you can't, you know, you're not doing so it's so much less to learn right now. So it's just a time of being aware of our surroundings and, and how to learn and change with the time.

Brian Smith
Yeah, well, you just touched something there that I want to kind of bring bring out you said, you know, to, I'm going to rephrase and say to lean into it, but to feel all the feelings because a lot of times with grief, people say it's too hard. I don't want to deal with it. I'll put it aside and I'll deal with it later. And I'm like, you're going to deal with it. You're going to deal with it now are you can deal with it later and later is probably going to be worse. And it's kind of the same thing we're going through with this whole awakening we're having over race racism in America. We have pushed it aside, we put it put it under the rug. You know, we've had people deny that it exists. We've had other people like you know, African Americans, frankly, that don't want to talk about it because it's too uncomfortable. And now's the time to have these these uncomfortable conversations. To end we have to face it, we've got to bring it up and talk about it before we can heal it. And that's that's the first step in any process of healing is facing what's wrong. So that's, that's a big similarity between that and grief.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, yeah, it's definitely happening. We don't want to have the conversation or not. It's what's appealing about the whole process of the social, and justices and what we're learning that we could do, we could do a lot better as just black Americans. I think. Not just really buying into everything that we see in here is very important as well, because a lot of the news I think just tries to enrage us and make us upset and angry. So I think we have to like, I'm just going to keep going back to mindful just being in the present moment and understanding what am I supposed to take from this today, even if there's a crazy report on the news And and how can I process this in a manner that's going to support people instead of sharing the negative part of it to be able to find not any not to add any more division that we already have, but why did I need to? Why did I need to see this and ask those questions to yourself? Why did I need to see this? What do I need to do with this information? And how can I be able to make a difference just from this and a lot of times what we're what we're of course what it's always been said it's what you consume consumed you. So if I'm consuming and a lot of news and negative

Unknown Speaker
imagery, I'm gonna feel sucky

Unknown Speaker
day. Yeah. If I do consume some of that, why did I need to know this? I would definitely recommend anybody in this time to make sure that their journaling, keep two journals use one for grief and one just for thoughts. Yeah. And to be able to go back to those things to kind of figure out why am I ingesting the things that I am being faced with because even then that there's a learning process for us to be able to get something out of it. And maybe that's one of the things that I need to work with my ancestors with to be able to understand more of that, and why is that and be able to feel that?

Brian Smith
Yeah, that that was another excellent point you just made, I think, what two things one is, whenever something happens, the question I've learned to ask and this I've just learned recently, so like, I've known this my whole life. Why did this happen and what what is here to teach me, because I believe everything that happens in our life, I mean, literally everything is here to teach us something. Whether you believe is planned. I happen to believe that or you don't believe it's planned. You can learn something from it. The other thing that you He touched upon this, I think there has to be balanced. Because I hear some people say, Well, I don't want to adjust anything negative. So I'm just going to turn off to the world. I'm just gonna be a spiritual person. And I call that spiritual bypassing. And I don't, I don't think that's what we're here to do. I think we're here to engage. But there has to be there has to be a balance because I see some people getting overly consumed with the negative also. Yeah, and I could find myself getting to that point. And that's when the point where I'm like, I've got to turn it off for a little while. I've got to, you know, I've got to, I've got to come back into balance. Because it's always as balanced as a human being between being a human being in the body and being that higher spiritual self, and we're both at the same time. Yeah. So we have to we have to always be balancing those things. And I think what I was telling you I was feeling this morning was a little bit of overwhelm with like, this, there's just too much and that's when you that's when you have to kind of step back a little bit.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, and your body and your body tells you when that is and you felt the weight of it. So well. You know, the things that you need to do one of the things that I often tell clients or people that I'm discussing grief with is get a little cheat sheet and put five things on your little cheat sheet that supports you if that's listening to jazz, if that's listening to a television with with the your pastor, or if that's walking outside, that's hugging a tree, if that's having a glass of wine, just I would post those things in every area of my home. And I do have that in every area of my home where I eat sleep in the restroom in my office, and I have that there because when I'm simply triggered or or I'm not feeling acceptable to actually doing the things that I know that's going to support me, which are these things that are on this five lists on this list. I can go drop to that because it's gonna say so reminders, just like affirmations, you know, turn on your, your favorite song, or, you know, pull out that book, or it's just a reminder of the things that's gonna keep me in a tranquil space and also remind me of the things that I need to do that's going to support me because a lot of times, you know, when you're not filling in and you're upset, and you're angry, or you're feeling heavy, you're not going to draw to the things that you love to do the most. Because you're just in this mood, you're just like, I don't want it. I don't feel like I said, I don't want to go out to my, into my prayer room, it stays that I don't want to work with my authorization. I don't want to work on my spiritual stuff. But I'm that way because I've probably adjusted some of those just feelings or I've just just feeling tired or I'm just, you know, I'm affected by what has happened throughout the day or I could just be drained from working with other dreamers. So I have to be reminded, and that's what those little lifts do for me, just to remind me of the things in the joy that can you know, bring back To my sprained knee back to myself in order for me to move forward and not to be, you know, self loathing.

Brian Smith
Yeah, that's, that's Yeah, I was I just was talking to a client early this morning. And I was telling her that, you know, grief, and every action we're going through right now is another form of grief. It's a practice. So I have a ritual kind of cue talked about there's things that I do every day. And I haven't been able to walk the last few days because my wife that she had surgery so I've been like, really busy so that that seven mile walk I took every morning I haven't done the last two days so you just brought up a good point that's probably why I was feeling the way I did the day. Yeah. So we have to we even as coaches and stuff we have to we have to do our own practice and, but the key is, you're going to have these times because we are human. We're still in the body. We're going to have these times but it's what do you do with it when it happens? Okay, so now that I've had this happen, what do I do for me? Today, I was able to turn on some music while I was doing my other work that music lifts me up. That you know, makes me feel better doing these interviews, you know, helps me energizes me. So we got to find those things that can help us get through these times that we all go through. But they're there for growth. And I'm really, as bad as things seem right now. I think it's here for our growth. And I see so much potential coming out of it. And I know that I've been talking to people about these things for years. And, frankly, people were just kind of like, there goes Brian again. But now everybody wants to engage. Yeah. So it's like, Okay, I'm gonna take this opportunity to reach as many people as I can.

Miami Knight
Yeah. And I love your show. Thank you so much.

Brian Smith
thing I want to talk to you about and you and I kind of talked about this a little bit offline. You know, just to be really Frank, you know, again, we're both African Americans and we don't see a lot of us in this spiritual space in this grief space. Work with helping parents heal. We've talked about it because it's frankly a mostly Caucasian organization. We've had, we have one conference that was mostly occasion people. I know economics probably plays a part in something like a conference. But what are your thoughts on why we don't see more African Americans? You know, having conversations like this?

Unknown Speaker
I just think it's the MIS education behind all of it. And us, you know, just generationally not talking and speaking about grief. I know, I didn't grow up in a family to talk about what happened if my cousin or uncle or grandmother died and what that looked like, you know, or, or how was I supposed to process that? I know, when I grew up, and there were funerals. What would happen with the young adults is they would all go into a room and then the adults would, you know, they would all go to into another room. This is of course, after the funeral. But when everybody's fellowshipping everybody's Of course, you know, they're talking about, you know, the loved one or whatever, then it turns into a party. And then of course, the children are just happy to be with their cousins. And yeah,

Brian Smith
yeah.

Unknown Speaker
So There's no education about what we were supposed to do with supporting ourselves. There's a eulogy, of course at the, at the funeral, and then there's, you know, the there was these Friday, Saturday, you know, it was these three long days of the Deaf tradition or the mourning process or whatever tradition that you're from and what that looked like. But as far as the American community, we were just used, of course to the travel time the week, you get there and you're communing with your family and we're going to cry out really, then we're going to have a good dinner, of course, and then we're going to talk about the good old times and dance and drink it. Yeah. So that really wasn't a way to engage individuals to want to do this even more to learn about it more, because it really, it gave us an opportunity to be able to To express ourselves to a certain degree, but it didn't give us an opportunity to be able to learn from it and, and how after, like they say, after the casserole, which is everybody's gone home, and nobody's no longer talking about what just occurred during that time period, what am I to do with my thoughts? So Didn't we didn't have any resources available, that was taught through our family history on supporting us of how to do that. So of course, it's not going to look, we didn't have a roadmap or even to say, like the five stages of grief to even understand what we were going to experience. So we didn't have that. So that's why we're not there. And that's why we don't have a seat at the table because we never had the opportunity because it was never taught to us and then even, you know, back back in time, our ancestors are our, you know, those that were enslaved. It was frowned upon for them to grieve. their loved ones when they was just snatched and sold from them. So we never got the opportunity to express outwardly how that looks. And we pass that on to families. And that's why we're, there's not so many of us sitting at the table having these conversations. But I think over the last two years, grief has become more spoken about. And we are kind of getting, you know, our community in that realm of speaking about it and, and, and forming grief groups and trainings and, and sharing that opportunity with our family. One thing when I was talking about COVID, because this is just a weird time for your loved one to dive in this time that I did when my family was I, I did a family support group and healing group. And what I did was I called on all of the, the elders of my family to speak. So St. Francis Similar things that you would do at your after, at the funeral, but I wanted them to actually have an opportunity to speak to my family and the younger ones. And especially, it was my uncle who passed and my uncle had a lot of children that were not they were didn't all have the same mother. So I wanted to be able to kind of reignite them and let them know that this side of their family really wanted to continue in the engagement of their day to day and see how they were doing. And because he passed in South Florida, a lot of family is also here too. There are a lot of children all over but I wanted to just bring our family kind of together and say, Hey, we still have a space available even if it's by zoom to be able to talk about what has happened and share you know your thoughts about him and, and even get to know each other because a lot of them don't even know each other and their sister and brother so there's all types of things that we can do now and having a seat at the table to talk about grief into change the trajectory of what it looks like.

Brian Smith
Yeah. That's really good. I'm glad to hear you say that. And I'm hoping that, that continues that, that that permission to talk about grief. I think there's also, I don't know if there's a religious component to it, because, as I said, earlier, I was raised as a Christian, and it's kind of like, Okay, well, people die, and they go to heaven. And then when we go to heaven, we see them again, which satisfies some people, but doesn't satisfy all of us. You know, when I found that, that I could still have a relationship with my, with my daughter who passed, and I could still talk to my uncle who passed, you know, 35 years ago, and I could still talk to my grandmother who to pass 40 plus years ago, or 30 years ago, whatever it was. I'm like, okay, that's what I want. I want to be able to have that continuing, ongoing relationship. And I'll see them again. No, it's it's both and I could know that I'm going to see them again. I don't know just have to just believe it. So that's the message that that I want to get to people because I think that's all even in terms of grief that's that's a kind of a new way of doing grief because traditional thing about grief was okay we're going to teach you to get over that to cope with the fact that they're got so let's just accept the fact that they're gone and will cope with it and just learn to move on but didn't work for me I saw a grief counselor with that had that kind of approach for I saw him three times and I was like, I don't need this this is not helping. I think it's so great that you know people like you and I can talk to people about like, your life still has meaning your you know, your loved one still wants to commune with you. You can you can do things like you can build the altar. You can you can commune with them every day like I do you ask me about Shayna. That's why that this picture behind me because Shayna always reminded me that she's part of my work. I mean, she's like, not just she's the inspiration for it, but she's also part of it.

Unknown Speaker
Absolutely. I totally agree with that.

Unknown Speaker
I trust me I do get it and I understand and she strikes right through telling us that this was also a part of her mission, and that you're just carrying on carrying it on. So yeah, first shift sharing her life. Because as a parent that have lost a child, I definitely do get it. And we are always gonna be working, working working until we can help say someone else from their grievances or just in any any manner that we can just because of that, you know that last that was so significant and just, at times, still unbelievable. But we always find our way and through story sharing, that I know that you're constantly here and advice and just sharing your story as well. Because even what you shared about your daughter even helps me because I have a podcast as well. But I'm seeing that this this is possible. This can happen. This could I can move on every day. If I if I see my brother being able to do this

Unknown Speaker
if this gives me strength, so thank you.

Brian Smith
Yeah, I was talking to a grandmother this morning has granted a pass and she was calling, you know, behalf of her son. And it just happened a month ago. And I'm like, I went back to that, you know, a month when it was a month and I'm like, Okay, I know where he is. Right? And I just want him to see someone who's five years. It'll be five years from me on Wednesday. It's, it's not easy. You know, it's like it's work, but you can get there and having that person that survived for me when I joined helping parents heal was seen as other parents that have been in it for 10 years, who are healing because frankly, you don't have to heal from grief because people say well, can I get over Can I heal from it? You can stay in it. I've seen people who have stayed in it for 10 1520 years and they're right today where they were 20 years ago. still angry at the person that the drunk drivers still angry at the doctor. Still Why did this happen to me, you can do that. But you can also make a choice to not do that. And so but I like what you said the very beginning, maybe this is a good way to close it out. You said the first thing is to make that decision. And that's the first step whenever whenever anybody calls me, I'm like, you've already started. Just the fact that you called me says you want to get better and that's the first step.

Unknown Speaker
Absolutely.

Brian Smith
Why Miami? It's been really fascinating talking to you. So anything else you'd like to say before we close the thing?

Unknown Speaker
Yes, I just want to my my call to action is if anybody no matter where you are? Tex Tech's get your phone out. Just take your phone out right now. And I would like for you to text. Honor, h o n o r 264433. That's honor, h o n o r 264433. And that is to let every town know that I am a fellow and that I have had this conversation to talk about grief and also to tell my story for Carsten psyche, and this how we're trying to make a difference in regards to

Brian Smith
them violence. Oh, wow. Awesome. That's great. Let me give everybody your website again. It's Miami night LLC, calm. It's Miami and my aim my night with the K LLC calm. And remember the name of your book again, I know it's here but I want you to do it.

Unknown Speaker
The key process like read

Unknown Speaker
guide to mastering spiritual healing, and you can get that on Amazon or you can also go to my website.

Brian Smith
Yeah, and I also want people know, I'm not sure if we touched on this. I was looking at your website earlier, you offer grief counseling services, but also combined with energy healing services, which I think is a fantastic combination.

Unknown Speaker
Yes. And I can do Reiki distantly. So if you would love one of those sessions, I have three different sessions. And if you want to work with your ancestors, or if you just want to do some own personal chakra type, releasing of energy through that way I can also provide that resource for you as well.

Brian Smith
Awesome. Really great getting the mention.

Unknown Speaker
Thank you so much for being on the show. Have a good afternoon.

Miami Knight
You too. Thank you.