Is He Choosing Porn Over Me?

Wait, you mean the law of attraction actually works? Like, for real works? It did for us and we tell you all about us scoring a bunch of equipment that we wanted/needed. 

Listener question and discussion: Is it normal that my husband watches porn and masturbates while I’m away? Is he choosing porn over me?

Thank you to:
PodFest
Shure Microphones
Cloudlifter Microphones
Focusrite
Now Here This Entertainment Inc

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Tim McGinnis
Nicky McGinnis

Transcript

Welcome to the Besties in Bed podcast with Tim and Nicky, a married couple chatting about their adventures in life and marriage. Please be advised that our bed is not always work or kid friendly, but we'll leave that decision up to you. Hey,

welcome to Besties in Bed. Oh, I think I'm supposed to say that too. Let's try it again. Welcome to . Welcome to Best to Besties In In Bed. Bed. I'm Tim. And I'm Nick. And we have some goodies for you today. I have a goodies juicy. I have a juicy listener question. Oh, great. . No. Tell me what this is gonna mean. I know, right.

Oh, you always surprise me with these. So, but first. Oh, but you always hear about this law of attraction crap. Well, I don't think it's crap. It's not crap. But I've never actually seen it work. Right. To me personally. But we have a, we have a story for you. Oh, yes we do. Would you like, and it's definitely not crap.

Would you like to, um, kind of start it? You want me to start it or you want me just to tell the whole. What, go ahead and tell this whole story. Oh, cuz I know your ass is gonna butt in at every second that you do. Oh, I'll, I'll definitely butt in. Okay, good, good. I mean, not good, but I figured you would. All right.

So we went to this pod fest convention this past couple weekends ago, and they had some giveaways at the end. Well, first, before you can get to the giveaways, you have to go through all the vendor booths and there's like 36 40, something like that. And you have to get, I think, Damps as they call it, or whatever.

It's like a treasure map. Yeah. And so, but you have to have the vendor scan your phone and they get like all your contact information and stuff. So you have to have it ha do that 20 times. And most of the vendors didn't really know what they were, you know, that they were supposed to do it or how Yeah, most of 'em, they were, a lot of 'em did.

There were a lot that didn't. So it took time cuz then we had to like, oh, explain this. And then you have to listen to their spiel and you, you know, you ask questions and stuff like that. So it was very, very time consuming and I'm like, oh my goodness. But the whole point is to. To force you to go to a booth, after booth and even some of the booths that you wouldn't normally go to, right, right.

For vendors, it's great because they get your contact information and you get to talk to them. They get to talk to you, and I mean, it's a great concept, it's a great setup, but when you're hangry, like I get, it's not very, a good like, um, mix. It's not very a good. It's not a very good mix. So yeah, I'm hungry.

I am peopled out. And so it took us like three times to do this. So that's all I'm saying is this was a lot of workup for this thing to win some prizes. It wasn't like, oh, you just get your name entered in and you get to win these prizes, and sometimes you. When you're visiting all these people that you wouldn't normally go to you, you realize that you want something that they have.

Oh yeah. Yeah. You do. You do realize you want something. So there was this one particular company. Sure microphones. Sure microphones that I was, and you guys, if you've seen any of the podcasters on YouTube or whatever, like Joe Rogan, That big microphone you have seen their, their big daddy of, of sure.

Microphones. Right. And it, you know, like I was listening to it, okay. So I have a cup of tea in my hand and I had like, my purse, they had all the microphone set up so that you could actually try them with your voice. Yeah. So I'll have everything. And he was like, you wanna try it out? I'm like, uh, no, but go ahead.

I'm like, can you put it on my head? Because it, you know, you have to put the headphones on. I'm like, dude, my hands are full. So she's sitting there. Testing one and he goes, you know, trying to be quiet so nobody could hear. And finally, but you see, nobody can hear anything cuz it's so freaking loud. And then all of a sudden she goes, wow, , see you're buttoning in on my story.

Here I am. No, I'm just kidding. But no, I was like, wow. And he goes, does this sound good? And I'm like, Uh, yeah, it sounds good. I'm like, yeah, baby, it sounds real good. And so I was like, here, you try it out. So of course he had to take it off and he had to try it out, and he was like, whoa. I mean, he thought he had an orgasm just standing right there.

Well, I think I might have too, but, you know, anyways, so then, you know, we carry on. We're talking to, well, the, the shore mics do have kind of a phallic. Image to them, they're hot. Okay. Anyways, so we, you know, I'm like, wow, I really like those. But you know, like we don't really necessarily have to have those, they're not a need.

And by Nicki saying that, that really means no, we're not getting them . That's exactly what that means. No, we're not doing it. Okay, next. Yes, they sound wonderful. Beautiful. Uhhuh. . It's like looking at a nice, beautiful car. You're like, yeah, it's great, it's wonderful, it's beautiful, but uh, do you really need it?

You already have four wheels to get you from to and fro. All right. And you have a new vehicle. I mean, granted, do you want an upgrade? I'm sure you probably would love like a sportsy upgrade, but you know, hey, Anyway, so we go and we do our thing, and then it was the last night of the convention, and that's when they do like all the party and you eat and party and they call your names.

Well, you have to be there in order to win. Like if you go to the bathroom too bad, it's you're, you're just not gonna win. So you're like, . Yeah. This dj, he would call a name and you would have literally about 10 seconds to understand what he said because of the distortion. The The speakers, oh, it was so bad.

And get to the front in order to get your prize. Or he would call the next name. Yeah. Or beat. Like you're basically, and he wasn't fucking around. No. You're like beating people down just to get up to the front and I'm like, what the hell did he say? So then, so while we were there before, any names were really called.

I saw the guy from Sure. Mike. And I was like, Hey, I noticed some of yours or your prizes. Or some of the prizes are yours or his, the company he was with. Yeah, he was the guy we spoke with. Right. And I was like, one of 'em, like, I'm gonna win one of those mics. And he was like, well, I have no control over that or anything.

I said, oh, I know you don't, I'm just telling you I'm gonna win one of those mics. Like I'm winning one. So just, just to let you know, heads up I'm winning it. And then I go ahead and pipe in. If you win one, I'm buying one so that we. Two of them. Two of them. I'm like, Uhhuh, okay. And then I go, yeah, okay. So if we win one, yes.

I was gonna go ahead and throw that in there at the beginning when there was like, you know, little chance of us winning, right? And I was like, okay, sure. If I win one, yeah, you can buy one. Sure. Because I mean, there was a discount, so I was like, okay, yeah. But thinking there's no way, like you're not gonna have to buy one because you know, But then I was like, oh, we're actually winning one.

But if you have to buy one for, I don't know, it was like 150 bucks. I was like, okay, I'll let you spend 150 if I can win. You know, like a $300 mine, right? I'll take it. Sure. So I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then after he had said that, we kind of walked off and I thought to my head, you know what? No, you ain't buying one.

We're both winning one. So I was like, no, no, no, no. We're both gonna win one. And he was like, okay, now you're really pushing it, . And so I go up to the short guy again and I'm like, oh, nevermind. We're both winning one. We both get an entrance because we both did the passport. We're both winning one. So he was like, I have nothing to do with it.

And I said, oh, I know you don't, but I'm just telling you we're gonna win 'em. And that's exciting. He's like, oh, okay. So then, , they call out a few names and then they do this big list up on the board with all these names and everything. So I jump up on the chair so I can see and I yell. I'm like, tell you won.

You won. So his name's like up on the board. What the heck did you even win? I don't know. I won. It was, uh, it was, it was, it was a real, it was about a 270, a hundred, $250 microphone. But it was for your phone. So it's. Oh yeah, it's the little holder that I like put my phone on so I could do TikTok. So that was my main thing is cause I wanted to do toss, and he was like, this is gonna actually be perfect.

And I was like, okay, is it, it's from Sure Mike too, right? Yeah. Okay. So I was like, oh sure, Mike. Okay, well we want a mic. There we go. Woohoohoo. You know? And I was all excited. So we go up and show the guy, look what we want. He was like, no kidding. I was like, yep. Told you we're gonna win one, ha ha ha. And stuff.

And he was like, okay. So then my name gets called. , I don't even know where DJ or something. . I don't even know how. But anyways, I won a cloud thing like a, a cloud lifter. Yeah. It, it basically, it boost up the gain on microphones. And none of you, I know you was sitting there listening, driving your car, you could give a shit about that.

No, exactly. So it's some other, but she won another piece of equipment had one, one couple years ago, so he couldn't use it and cuz there's two of us, so he needed two of these cloud lifters, so now we have two. So I was like, okay, hey, that's cool. I'm excited, you know, Hey, we won two cool things and I'm like, And everybody saw the, the phone mic thing and they were like, oh my gosh, that thing is, is so good.

That's amazing. If you're, if you're interested, it is the sure MV 88 plus video kit and I'm going, huh? Okay. See, so I'm with you cuz I don't have a clue either. But anyways, it is just pretty badass. I'm just gonna say I really haven't enjoyed it. So that, and I'm standing up at the DJ talking. Just to some people are and stuff like that.

And I'm like, you know, this one girl had, she had won the actual mic I wanted, so I was like, do you wanna train? She was like, oh yeah, maybe I do. And then she was like, oh, I don't know. Erin was like, okay, whatever. I don't care if you, you know, right. I really want the mic. You got you. You wanted her mic. She wanted the cloud lifter we're like, It's a win-win.

It's what I'm thinking. I don't know. I don't want, he's like, I wanted both, but, right. Tell, wanted both, of course. But I'm like, I, you know, I really want the mic that she had. So then the DJ's calling, he goes, calls my name, but he kind of chops it up. So I hold up my badge cuz I happen to be right there in front of him and I'm like, this name.

And he was like, yes it is. And then he pulls this mic, that was the mic I wanted and goes, here you go. But it wasn't the mic you wanted, it was a step above the mic you wanted Yes, it was. It was actually a step above, which is the one I'm talking. Right now. So I won that mic. I was so excited. So I like grabbed it like as if back in the day in the eighties we had like these Cabbage Patch kids and when you got the Cabbage Patch kids usually was like held onto it and ran to the front and like checked out.

Sure. You're old. I know, right? So it was like, dad, I got that mic and I was like, if somebody touches my mic, I'm gonna punch 'em in the damn face cuz I'm like, I got this mic. So I'm like screaming and I don't even know where you were. So I come running up and I'm like, I. I was over to the side. You were over to the side.

That's what I'm saying. I'm running up to you like, oh my gosh. So then we go to the sure guy and I'm like, ha, ha ha. I'm like, look. And he was like, shut your, I mean, he was like, like no shit. Or I don't even know what the hell he said, . He was like, how the hell did you do that? You fucking won it. Yeah. Is that what he said?

Something to that effect. I have no idea. And I'm like, yeah. So Notar only did we win one. We won two sure mics from them. And he was just like, and we had got pictures taken, everything like that. I was right. And a cloud lifter. And a cloud lifter. And then there was something else we won too. What was it?

There was a fourth thing. Oh, it was, it was after the, the, the fact it was, it was another piece. A a friend of ours has a a, a different podcast and he said, Hey, be sure to sign up cuz they're giving away this focus. Right. Scarlet two i two audio interface. Yeah. Again, again, I have idea. You don't care anything about, she doesn't know anything about it.

Nope. But we wanted one. Yeah. And by we, I mean, I, I was gonna say we, uh, right, no, we did not. I, well, long story short on that, we won that too, or I won that. Yeah. So then we ended up with like four things. Not that night, but like a week later. Yeah, a couple days later he won that. I'm like, holy crap, this is like a week from, so I damn sure ordered my mic.

Yeah. So then he ordered that mic. I, I got it with the, while it was still on cell too, so, yeah. So he has one, his is the, Download or grade than mine, but I think they sound the same. Is exact same. Mike, except hers has usb. You don't care. I know. It's the, it's the, basically the, the guts of the mic are the.

Well still it mine cost more, so it's better . Okay. So onto the listener question, but that was manifestation or manifestation? Manifestation. Law of attraction. Manifestation. Yeah, manifestation. Okay. All right. Anyways. Okay. What's Mr. So, yeah, I mean, it was really cool pass out. I saw it.  inaction on us. Yeah. I was like, we're winning it.

He was like, was That was a fun night. Yeah, it was really fun. So, all right, we have a listener question, and as always, I am not going to reveal the name. Oh, come on. Tell me who it is. There was some narrative on the question, but the question boiled down to Oh, so you're only giving me the question, not the narrative.

Okay. Correct. Gotcha. Is it normal that my husband masturbates and watch porn a lot while I'm.

Uhhuh is there more? That was the gist of the question. Well, so I think what it, I think it boils down to, I know, you know, a while back ago we talked about the whole jealousy issue, right? And I think this stems are stemmed, stemmed, stamped, . This, you got the Nixon Mary , this derived, stemmed, right, this derived from that discuss.

but this person Uhhuh  while they're at work or while they're on a trip or whatever, this person knows that her partner. How, how does she know? Let's go with that one first. Well, I do, I don't know. I did not get that in the narrative . Okay. I'm just asking. Just asking. Hey, we all wanna know. Yeah. Let's just say she called him or I don't know.

Well, do you answer the phone if you're in the midst of that? If I call you, are you gonna answer the foul? Yeah, but what if she was just outside or I don't know. What if she came home earlier or something? Anyway, , so he, she, she called him busted. Anyway, she knows that. Her boyfriend or husband? Is it a boyfriend or husband?

It could be . You don't know. , her boyfriend. So must have boyfriend Watch is born in Masturbates. while she's not around and she has a problem with it. Oh, she has a problem with it. Yeah. All right. So that is is she wants to know, is this normal? Short answer is yes. . I was gonna say, I can't really answer that one.

You have to answer that. Women can watch porn and masturbate. Well, yeah, but I'm seeing it. It's for the guy. If the guy does. You could watch porn and master women. It, it's not uncommon for women to do the exact same thing. No, but I'm just saying this is a girl asking for about a guy. This is So if you're gonna answer the question cuz you're the guy.

Yes, it is normal. Okay. See? Right. So what, what are your thoughts on it though? Before ? I wouldn't no further you two or don't? Cause I don't ask . No, I would say that it was completely normal. That's why I'm like, so would it bother. Well, o obviously not because I'm assuming it's a normal thing. Like I don't, I, that doesn't give them, doesn't bother me two shit.

Like, whatever. Oh. And, and they, they do have a, a decently healthy sex life. Okay. Aside from that. So there's no issue there. It's not, like I say, dude, rock it out when you can. Well, or bang it out, knock it out. I guess, I guess in her mind he's choosing porn over. Well, you're not there, right? ? I mean, come on. I mean he, he's what you mean with the man to sufferer?

Yeah. I mean it's, he, it's not like he's choosing the person that he's seeing on the screen over his girlfriend. No, he, it's just happens to be that particular person. And now, I mean, if he's sitting there watching the same person over and over and over, but I mean, well, I can tell you as a girls and guys view sex differently.

A guy looking at somebody, even if it was the same person over and over, whatever, it's just pixels on a screen. There's no emotional tie at all to that. Well, there you go. Answer there. So, so maybe that's the reassurance that she's looking for. I don't know. I don't know. But girls and guys Yeah. Completely think completely different.

Yeah. It, it, it's not an either or. He's not choosing porn. And then not having sex with her. Right. He's doing both . He's having the time of his life. I say bang it out while he can't. Yeah. I mean, people can have a very healthy relationship and still do that on the side. Well, I mean, as you're growing up as a, as even a teen and stuff, I mean now, now, but not in our day, but now they talk about like sex ed, you know, masturbate and they, it keeps you outta trouble.

It.  Right. Keeps you outta trouble, keeps you doing what you, you know, not only that, it relieves stress. You're re you're exploring your own body. Then you know what you like, what you don't like, right. Those type of things. It relieves stress. It, I mean, it can help you rest better. Oh, good night's sleep. Yeah.

Well, and that's what they say after sex. You're like, whew, you're out for the night. No, I mean, I mean, I would suggest having an open discussion with him. Well, yeah. I mean, if it bothers you that much, you need to have an open discussion. But technically to me, it's on her and her feelings and her mind making it bigger than it is.

Right. It's, he's not doing anything wrong. Yes. I don't feel that this is all you boo . Ooh, you just got called out . She's gonna be writing back. Uh oh. . I guess maybe right? Me? No, let's, let's take this towards like what to discuss if she's gonna have an open discussion. She listens to us. He doesn't, I don't know that he does or not.

I don't know. I don't know that, I know that obviously she listens to us, right? I am. You know, he might too. So, you know, what should she talk about? First of all, don't be defensive in the discussion cause that's just gonna shut him. , shut his ass down. Oh yeah. No, no. And he won't. He won't reveal anything.

You're like, why are you doing that? Da da da. I mean, you don't go in with snippy, snappy nothing. You just say, Hey, I'm really having a hard time with something. I just really wanna discuss it with you so that you can help me work my mind through it. Why? , why are you having a hard time with it? Why am I ha I'm not having a hard time

No, but I'm saying if, if you're gonna say, but he's gonna say if you're gonna throw that out there, that you're having a hard time with it, you have to be willing to explain why. Yeah. Explain what, why you're having. Well, it, I'm insecure, obviously, and I feel like by you doing that, you. Telling me that I either A, don't give you enough, or B, you don't love me, that you like that.

No, it has nothing to do it. I'm just saying what? I'm just playing, I'm, and I'm thinking. . So he, I mean, those are just some ways to go into it with it, but go into it with that. It's your issue and your problem and not his problem, because it's really not his problem. Right? It's the way that your brain is operating.

So maybe he can explain why he does it, are his feelings and thoughts of why, and you could ask him. Yeah. Is like, why does, why do you like it? Why do you, yeah, why do you do that? What fillings and thoughts do you have when you are doing that? He's probably gonna be. Nothing. Yeah. I mean, you could, you could go along and ask and, you know, is it the variety that you're seeing?

Yeah. Um, is, is there some certain fantasy. Or enjoy. Enjoy or enjoying that you would like to try maybe, yeah. I mean, things like that. Yeah. I mean, it's open discussion or I, I suggest, Hey, why don't you even suggest throw it out there that, Hey, boyfriend, I know that you do this, and like, why don't, what, what if she offers to watch it with him?

Well, I mean, if I offered to watch it with you, would you want to watch it with me or would you Absolut that so Oh, oh yeah. I don't know if that's something like, you're like, oh no, I just took that on the side cuz like, whatever, I'm bored. I don't, I don't really need to watch porn. I only just watch it.

Because you're not here. No, I I think it's hot when couples watch porn together. Okay. And I know, but I'm just saying actually, actually they say, or they, whoever they is, there are studies that suggest that couples who watch porn together regularly have a. Better, much more satisfying and a healthier sex life.

Well, there you go. Spoken from they. Spoken from. They they have, they have spoken . Yeah. I mean, what do you think about that? Well, yeah, I mean if that is something that she's comfortable with, we've worked porn together before. Well, yeah. Duh. And did you enjoy it? Absolutely. . You enjoyed the outcome? I'm gonna say so.

I mean, always has, the outcome is always good. I mean, you know, going in, well hopefully, well, you know, well I know going in what the outcome's gonna be cuz the outcome don't come like that. But don't come like that. But , we got some issues. . All right. I guess another thing you could ask, you know, what are, you know, are, are there certain kinks that you are into watching that you would like to try?

Yeah. And when you find out the kinks, you need to right then have a discussion, whether those are something you can do or something you are like, it's off the table. Like, I mean, if I'm just saying if it's something that he says he would like to do, but she's not comfortable with, like, for example, her, I don't know, dressing, like up, up as a, a librarian, I'm just totally making something very, you know, I have, you know, the hots for librarians, could you dress up as a librarian, but she feels very uncomfortable or a schoolgirl or, or whatever.

She's like, I don't like, you know, that's the time right Then to discuss. You know, I'm not comfortable with those, whatever. Yeah. And then you, you know, I mean I picked something very plain, Jane, but I'm just saying, you know, well, you know, plain Jane for you might be really pushing the boundaries for someone else.

Well, that's true, but I'm just saying, I didn't go like really like, you know. Yeah. Like anal. I mean, I was, I was trying to be a little, you know, or you know, or, or multiples or Exactly. I mean, I was trying to go, you know, very smooth. But I'm saying get a king, bing, . Oh, lordy. But that's what I'm saying. That's the time to discuss it.

You already have the open. Conversation going and might as well go ahead and knock all the balls out while you can.  all the balls. Bring the balls, baby. Yeah, get 'em knocked out the way. How, how many balls would, would, would, should be involved? Two, for me. I owe two balls. I'm good. I don't know. I mean, you might want four, you might want six.

No, you. 18. I mean, oh my Lord, Jesus. You want, you wanna keep them football squad? Yeah. . You probably wanna keep 'em even Nu Well, I mean, I don't know. Somebody may out there may have had, I guess there's, I don't wanna dis . Okay, next . Let's stop the ball. Talk while we can. The bottom line is, yes, it is completely normal for him to watch porn and to masturbate while you are.

Okay. We have, it is also completely normal for you do to do the same. You do, do do, do . Do do, yes, do the same. So that is the lister question that, that I received for this episode. If you'd like to send in a lister question, we would love to hear it and discuss it. Yeah. Like we're gonna like be prepared cuz we sometimes chop 'em up like we will dissect.

We will never reveal a.  and in fact, I don't even reveal the names to Nicky. Yeah. I don't even know who it was. Yeah. That's why I was like, girl, boy, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. What? Yeah. I mean, are you keeping secrets from me? I am ho, ho, ho, ho. If somebody doesn't want their name revealed, I do not reveal it.

Yeah. That doesn't bother me. No, it's it's the content. It's the question. That's interesting. So messages, dms on, on Instagram. , you know, our links are in the, the show notes. Go to, uh, besties and bed.com for our contact links and we will, we will, we will cover your topic on the air, but let's grab the random.

We started this, was it last time or the time before? I don't know where. We have a, a deck of, of interview questions that we reach into the. And pick one at random. You can hear the hear the, you can hear the cardboard. We're not gonna look at the number or the things. Alright, so you're gonna pick one arrow?

Yeah, I'm gonna pick, just pick one? Yeah, just, just pick one. Okay. I'll just pick one from over here. Let's see. What kind of secret society would you like to start? What kind of secret society would I like to start  here? Like, well, dumbfounded shit. . What the hell kind of question is that? I don't know. I don't know.

Do you want a different one? No, I know. I would want, I dunno, I would think it would be more like a, a mobster society, except without all the ne, without necessarily all the, you know, me killing off people and stuff, you know? I don't wanna be like a hitman , but there's something really cool about that underground society.

It would definitely be an no, it'd be more like an underground hacker society. Oh yeah. That would totally be, yeah, forget the mobster thing, but it would definitely be an under. Society. Well, it's obviously it's a secret society. Ding dong. Yeah. Geez. All right. So that would be my get with the fucking question.

That would be my question. My answer, . All right. Would you rather have a cool boss and learn nothing? Or a strict boss who you learn from A strict boss where I learned something that was easy. No, he, yeah. Yeah. But you don't wanna like a cool boss that. No. Fuck the cool boss. I'm not learning anything. . Well, you know, I you wanna fuck your cool boss.

Why would I want, that? Doesn't have anything to do with fucking them. It just says, do you wanna learn something from them? But you just said, fuck the cool boss. Oh, well that's not literal. This is not ding Mary kill. Well, that's true, but I'm just saying. I mean, if he was really cool and cute, I mean, I may, and if I can put him on my list,  might add a couple more balls to the list.

There you go. No, but definitely I'm all about learning. Let's learn. Let's learn. Let's, let's learn. That was. Well, what about you? Would you want the cool boss or learn something? I think I want a cool boss. I can learn on my own. I don't need, I don't need somebody to, to feed me information. No, I'd learn from him then leave what I do best.

Yeah, yeah. You, you, you take the strict boss, learn from 'em, and then go be the cool boss. Right? Yeah. See, damn. So that's what I'm talking about. Well, what, what kind of secret society would you form for kittens,

Like a sexual kitten, like . That was supposed to be a sexy Purr, but I, I guess I realized that it doesn't sound as sexy coming from a guy . Oh my God, that was terrible. . That was, that was pretty, yeah, that was pretty bad. Thank you for joining us. You can visit us@bestiesandbed.com for all of our links and.

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That was supposed to be a sexy purr