Ending Jealousy...It Isn't All Sunshine, Rainbows, and Unicorn Farts

ANNOUNCEMENT: We are pivoting the show a bit. This is exciting!

This week, we chat about:

• The big announcement
• Our "celeb free pass" picks
• Can you train yourself to not be jealous? If so, how?

Be sure to add/follow/subscribe and to visit us at bestiesinbed.com for all our social media links.

You can email us at: bestiesinbedpodcast@gmail.com

Tim McGinnis
Nicky McGinnis

Transcript

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Voiceover: Welcome to the besties in bed podcast with Tim and Nicky, a married couple chatting about their adventures in life and marriage. Please be advised that our bed is not always work or kid friendly, but we'll leave that decision up to you.

Tim: Well, hello? Hello? 

Nicky: Hello? Okay. That's enough hellos, but I'm pumped. I'm excited. Let's talk. Let's get this going. 

Tim: Yeah. We're straight back from pod Fest. Yes, it was so much fun. It was, it was tiring. It was exhausting. We went from. W nine in the morning, there were events started till one of them was till midnight straight through.

Oh yeah. 

Nicky: It was crazy. It was like drinking from a fire hose as they call it 

Tim: so much information, so much good stuff, met some amazing, amazing people, amazing people, fellow podcast. It's friends for life. That's what I'm talking about is community. 

Nicky: Yeah. So great. 

Tim: So we have an announcement. Oh yes. We're going to do the announcement.

Uh, we are going to pivot the angle of the show. Just a tad bit. 

Nicky: Just a little bit, but not too terrible. Not too bad. 

Tim: We're we're still going to be us. We're still gonna have fun. We're still going to banter. 

Nicky: How could we not 

Tim: besties in bed? Shared our bed for so long. And we are still best friends. So 

Nicky: besties, we're not best friends, but yes we are, you 

Tim: know, but it hasn't all been, 

Nicky: hasn't been sunshine, rainbows and unicorn fart.

Tim: Not yet. Exactly. There have been some ups and downs. And what we want to do is we want to tackle these issues that couples face say. In their relationship. Yes. You know, we're not experts no, by a long shot, but 

Nicky: you know, but we've lived a 

Tim: lot. So in one sense, we are, we've been together. What, 30, 30 plus years, 30 plus 

Nicky: years, 

Tim: we're doing something.

Right. So maybe we are. I 

Nicky: don't know. Oh, but maybe we are. I don't know. But I mean, we spend 

Tim: 10,000 hours of studying something to become an expert. I'm way past that 

Nicky: fucking expert we are. And I mean, we've been together longer than we haven't been together. I mean, so 16 years of my life not being with you and 32 of my life being with you.

So, you know, that's a long. Time, I've actually been with you longer than I've been with, like my mom, my dad, my brothers and girl, like my initial knit family, which is, you know, a long freaking 

Tim: time. And the way we see it is initially we're like, well, you know, we're, we're not experts, but we are experts now.

I think we're experts. Yes, we also, but we're all on this journey to get. Yeah, 

Nicky: cause everybody ha like, it's not like we have just done this alone. Like we have had, you know, mentorships, we've had friendships. We've had people who have, you know, guided us through things through thick and thin. And you are the sum of the people you hang around with the five people that you hang around.

And that's what we do is we try to get around. It's a community. It is. So you hang around with the people you want to be more like, and. You know, to bring you up and to carry you through versus being around people who drag you down and you can't get through that. So like, if Tim and I are having an argument and I'm pissed off and then, well, yeah, I mean, it could be, but if I'm pissed off and then I go to my friend and I'm talking about it, blah, blah, blah.

And she's like, yeah, you should divorce his asshole. He's such an ass, just, you know, the easy way out. It's easy way out. Right. And then that's not 

Tim: helping me either. Best answer for some people, some people. Yeah. I mean, especially abusive that we're not going there right on this episode. 

Nicky: No, that's absolutely unacceptable, but you don't want to be around somebody.

Who's just going to bring you down. You want somebody who's going to pick out the positives and negatives, like, yes, you were in the wrong this away. Or I want somebody to be able to call me out on my shit. You know, you can't call me out on my shit then I, you're not good for me because I need you to tell me what I'm doing well, and I need you to tell me when I'm, you know, fucking things up.

So that's, that's definitely, and I think that goes with everybody and all relations. I agree. Yeah. Something like that, but okay. So last we are we? Yes, yes, we did. We talked about like our celebrity free pass. That was like one of our little banters that we were talking about, like who would be your free celebrity of free pass?

Yeah. Like if they came up to the door and knocked on the door and said, Let's do this now.

I don't even know what, but yeah, some, you can get a free pass. I'll let you do. And there will be no ill will at all. I'd be like, I want to watch. 

Tim: Watching is fun. Sometimes 

Nicky: it is. But yes, I definitely want to watch, because I want to see what techniques you're doing, that you may not be doing with me and or what you, she missed 

Tim: out on like exploding in like three seconds.

Yeah, 

Nicky: yeah. Or, yeah, exactly. Or alright, 

Tim: you go first. Oh, you want me to go for it? Let's do a back and forth. You do one of them first. Do you want to go your, I didn't do them in. Yeah, because there really is no order. 

Nicky: There is no wonderful that they knock on my door in any particular order I'm going for 

Tim: it.

I need a technical ruling once. Can we substitute a future? What do you mean? Like somebody that's not on this list of three knocks on the door and says, and it's like somebody 

Nicky: that's, that would be number 10 on your 

Tim: scratch one off temporarily for that night. And then put this one on this 

Nicky: person in, well, yeah, I'll agree with that one, but it has to be a celebrity for me to agree with it.

Like they have had to, they have to be at least in the, like, I don't know, what's a good number of category. Yes. Okay. That's a good thing. Okay. Yes, we'll go with that. TMZ needs to know who they are. Okay. Okay. That'll be good. I was going to say like paycheck dollar wise, but that doesn't really sum that up because 

Tim: the definition of celebrity has changed a lot.

Yeah. 

Nicky: That's why I was like, eh, I can't really put like a, 

Tim: you can be famous. Yeah. Not make 

Nicky: anything anyway. Okay. So my first one would be, which you obviously should know this town would be Joe Elliot, Elliot. I know even with his age and stuff, if he knocked on my door, I'd be like, yeah, I just have to, just because it's always been.

Uh, one, since 

Tim: God, you are a teenager, Joe Elliot is why we are together to begin with. 

Nicky: See, he is what brought us together. So you would have to give me a free password 

Tim: and there'll be, there might be some people listening right now that has no idea what that means. In the last episode, we explained that the Def Leppard release of a Def Leppard video concert video is what introduces.

Nicky: Yeah, my work,

but if you 

Tim: want more details, you can go back and listen. But so that 

Nicky: was just last week. So yeah, Joe Elliot was with Def Leppard. So I'm like when 

Tim: Joe Elliot down 

Nicky: pencil, Pennsylvania, make sure you keep that. I don't know 

Tim: how to spell Elliot. Oh, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Oh, 

Nicky: all right. And I'm the one that can't smell.

Oh my gosh. Okay. Anyways, um, so what's your first, the first 

Tim: one on wine list is.

Nicky: Okay. And you know who that is? Yeah. Who is that? 

Tim: She was in forgetting Sarah Marshall. The brown hair. Yes. The brown hair. 

Nicky: Okay. Okay. All right. Um, yeah, I didn't know. That was her last name 

Tim: though. Well, I mean, I think she's married Ashton Kutcher, but 

Nicky: okay. I didn't know that was it either. Okay. Carry on. Okay.

So Mila, Mila, Mila Kunis. Okay. I can now say it, but okay. Whatever. All right. Carry on. Okay. All right. I like that. That's, that's acceptable because I'm definitely watching on that. Like, I'm going to be like,

Tim: Gary Gordon. Cause I want to watch on that. 

Nicky: I definitely will. I'll be like, can you sign this release please?

I need to record this for ours, our eyes only, but I mean kind of bragging rights, right? Number two. Okay. So now this is going to be weird at the end, when I get done with this, I'll explain why it's weird, but okay. So my first one would be Ian and I can't say it like some, some, a honer. I don't even know how I'd have to cover these others up.

Can you see the. 

Tim: Ian Somerhalder.

Nicky: Yeah. Like, okay. He's Damon Damon from, from vampire diaries. Okay. I'm like, oh, but Ian, we'll go to the end. Okay. So like, yeah. I mean, typically he would not be on my list, but damn, he's hot. So I'm like looking through, I just typed in like, you know, hot celebrity guys and stuff like that.

And I'm like, yep. Okay. That would 

Tim: be married to, oh man, he's married to another. I have no idea first that we've been watching like me 

Nicky: though. Right? We can't marry, 

Tim: you know? Okay. 

Nicky: We can divorce. We can divorce and I'll marry him.

I'll give you some dollars. Ian Damon, Damon. Okay. So what's your next one? Jessica Alba. Okay. Jessica Alba. Yeah, I can see she is. Yeah, I do. 

Tim: Yeah. She keeps, well, every time I say a name she's peeking in her 

Nicky: board, you can have my list. Cause he doesn't know my name is, I don't know his name. So yeah. I was just like, oh, okay.

All right. So my next one, again, I, these names, I just, uh, is this your 

Tim: number three? This is number three for you. Yeah, 

Nicky: it would be number three. This is it. This is the F well the final. Okay. So Eric Dane, 

Tim: Eric Dane, who is that? 

Nicky: You know, Eric Dane is it's mixed, steamy. 

Tim: Oh, mix McSteamy from, from grace. Yes.

Nicky: Really? Yes, really. I mean, during his steamy days, like he was hot. He's pretty hot. I mean, he's gotten older, but he's. You still got a door and I got a free pass for it. I'm kind of go with it. I mean, bragging rights. I did Mr. Mick steamy. I mean, like, let's go with it. Stop staring at my 

Tim: board. Okay. Now I'm staring at your board.

I'm staring at your boobs right next to oh, 

Nicky: okay. That's that's okay. But, okay, so now what's weird about this is because I have Joe for Joe Elliot and Eric and Ian. So Joe, Eric and Ian. Okay. Eric and Ian, oh, that's pretty fucked up. Okay. So let me explain to you. Um, Eric and Ian are my brother's names.

Tim: That's 

Nicky: fucked up my older brothers, Eric and my younger brothers, Ian. And then I look at this list and I didn't realize it until I wrote the two names and I'm like, Ooh, that's weird. That's why I said it's going to be weird, but I can't explain it until at the end, but yeah. And then Joe, and Joe's been a name, a family name as well, so we, you know, anyways.

Okay. So what's your last, 

Tim: my last is Megan. Fuck. Oh, yeah, because I, I didn't know whether you cause you're bad with name sometimes. So I picture have a picture of her from, this is the first one I pulled up and it was from the transformers movie. Yeah. That don't look like what I was thinking, but she was also in like Jennifer's body or 

Nicky: she look like now that she's.

Added another 30 years to herself. That's what you really need to be thinking about. But I mean like Joe Elliot 

Tim: has paid, Joe Elliot looks old 

Nicky: now. Yeah. But I'd still would. Okay. She's still damn hot. Okay. Well, I did, I went ahead and did my, 

Tim: I also, oh, I didn't mean to interrupt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. I was debating.

When I made this list. 

Nicky: Oh, that's why you wanted to, like, when I was making the child, 

Tim: I was thinking, what if Jennifer Lawrence knocks on the door? She, ain't not I'm from the old dog, but she did. And could I swap out who's Jennifer Lawrence. She was in hunger games. She was in. 

Nicky: Oh yeah, you would. Yeah. I mean, I mean, as long as I can watch, because she's hot too.

Tim: Anyway, 

Nicky: so I did three go gay girls to. Oh, you see, you 

Tim: went the extra mile. Jammed my God. Okay. Okay. So I didn't do any go gay guys. 

Nicky: Well, you can have them if you think of some later. Okay. So this is Mila. And how do you say your name? Which one? That your 

Tim: first one, Mila Kunis. She is my number one pick now, because if she's your pick, we could have all kinds of she's my 

Nicky: number one Peck.

Tim: Right? Okay. Then we could have all kinds of 

Nicky: fun. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So we're going to go with that. So then speaking of how Damon was my number two pick, because Joel, it just takes number one. I mean, it's not necessarily like I have an order, but. To pick for go gay girl would be Elena Gilbert from there, which is how do you say her name?

Naina yeah, you're so much better with names. I don't know. But anyways, like she's pretty hot. So 

Tim: mispronouncing needs please. Don't. 

Nicky: She's hot. So I'm like, okay, so that's my next one. And then my 

Tim: last week she's married to a Shaun white, the snowboarder. Anyway. 

Nicky: So my next one would be Selena Gomez. Now that one I can, you know who Selena Gomez.

Yeah. Yeah. So those would be, but can you tell, I have a type a, you do have a type. Yeah, the brunette. Yeah. I mean just dark, dark skin, dark hair, just, you know, brown eyes. I don't know. That's just my type. I'm just going to say, 

Tim: all right. So going back to our original announcement, the celebrity free pass thing kind of plays into it.

Yes, yes, yes it does. So we're going to take a topic now that affects so many people in relationships and this kind of came about because I received one of our listeners, um, messaged us and as. How do you train yourself to not be jealous or even, or can you even do that? 

Nicky: And she said, can you even do that?

Yes, you can. Yes, you can. 

Tim: Yes. So what is jealousy? 

Nicky: Well, it's a bad look and I always say jealousy is ugly. I tell the girls that all the time, it's not pretty, it's an ugly trait. 

Tim: Jealousy will wreak havoc on relationship. So jealousy is really a result of our own insecurities and it comes from comparisons that we make with other 

Nicky: people.

Yeah. Like I'm comparing myself with X, Y, and Z, like Selena Gomez. I'm not, you know, I'm dark skin, I'm dark hair. And I got dark eyes, but I don't look like Selena Gomez. No, you don't. You look like you. I look like me, so, but I'm me. And I can offer you things that she's not going to. Right. 

Tim: It's really based on fear that that's what it boils down to.

Kind of in order to train yourself, you need to kind of figure it out what it is inside you that triggers this source of reaction from your, from inside. You go get to 

Nicky: the root of why 

Tim: you do that. Jealousy is not the primary issue. Jealousy is something that has stemmed off stemmed off of your own insecurities.

So keep in mind that you bring a lot to a relationship. You have a lot of value that you offer your. And only you can do that. Nobody else can offer that, but him or you, there's always going to be somebody that's better looking has more money. Somebody that's taller, but they're not going to bring to the relationship, the complete package that you bring them to the relationship.

Nicky: Right? All the things. That, that one person is looking for, you are looking for from me. So once you understand that you don't have to live out of fear and insecurity or anything like that, but you really have to work on your mindset and yourself within like, that's not. Partners like issue. It's more of an insight issue as when jealousy comes up correct.

And 

Tim: roots. Right. And you, you know, it it's okay. If it's a hundred percent natural for your partner to find other people attractive. In fact, I hope they do because there's a lot of beautiful people in the world. There are, and it's okay for your partner to talk to somebody of the opposite sex. Even somebody that.

May think is prettier than 

Nicky: you. Okay. Let's stop right here for a second. How many people in your DM, if you were to go through your DM, what is the percentage that are girls and what are the percentage that are guys? And I mean, DMS, as far as, you know, Instagram tags, whatever, like any of your things, what would it 

Tim: be?

Say 70 to 80% are female? 

Nicky: I probably say yours are higher than that. I don't, I mean, 90% are probably female 

Tim: 90%. 

Nicky: W count on one hand, how many Mel's you actually talked to? I'm just seeing a majority of the people that you do talk to are women. Like it's constantly women. You're like, oh, she blah, blah, blah.

She does. She thought, oh, this person, this, this person that, and, you know, takes 

Tim: nothing away from, 

Nicky: you know, I'm like, okay, cool. I'm glad 

Tim: you, you know, I'll even go so far as to say that your, your partner can even be flirty in the communications with someone else that doesn't take anything. From what they feel about you as really an integral or important interval 

Nicky: circle and circle or interval?

No 

Tim: inject. Does it change how they feel about you as an, as an invaluable component of the relationship? 

Nicky: Yeah. W what you just said. I don't even know, but I mean, I was just saying that leg and majority of the, you talk to the opposite sex a lot and you know, and it doesn't bother me one bit because I'm not worried about what you're saying or doing to them.

I don't. 

Tim: Yeah, Mila Kunis comes into my, you know, tries to slide into my DMS. I'm going to go ahead and reply so that they're officially in the DMS. 

Nicky: Exactly. I'm totally like, all right, you go for it. But I mean, it doesn't bother me cause I know that I have trust in you and I could care less. Like, you know, 

Tim: like nobody can replace.

Nicky: Right. Nobody can. After 31 32 years, you're like, oh, I'm the kind of stuck with this. So now I'm just kidding. I don't 

Tim: want to start back over. We've gone through and put together. All 

Nicky: right. Tips and tricks. 

Tim: So it's very important that you do not judge your court. I can 

Nicky: answer you don't judge your current relationship based on like your previous, like don't bring something from the past to your new relationship.

You're going into a new one. That person has no bearing or anything on what the other person did in your past. 

Tim: Punish your current partner for something that some asshole in your past did, right? Because 

Nicky: not everyone is an asshole. You may have found an asshole and had to deal with that asshole. But right now you moved on to better assholes.

Tim: He's an asshole and talk to people of the opposite sex and was even flirty. Maybe person B, not an asshole talks to the people of the opposite sex may even be flirty. Right that doesn't don't project person a onto per person, B 

Nicky: because person a talk to the opposite sex. Now person B is talking to the opposite.

Sex does not mean that just because person a talk to the opposite sex and had an affair, does it mean person B that's talking to the opposite sex is going to have an unfair, and I say that right. 

Tim: I was a 

Nicky: lotta, a lotta, 

Tim: a lot of whatever. So I don't. Your fictional stories on to someone and assume they're real.

Oh my 

Nicky: gosh. I, I am guilty of this. To a certain degree, we all are, but I just want to say I am occasionally and I have learned through the past, you know, probably six, seven years that to let that stuff go because you pick up 

Tim: to accept or you have to recognize that that's what you're doing. 

Nicky: Yeah. When you put, you make up this whole fictional story in your head and like I texted so-and-so and why didn't so-and-so text me back.

I that's so rude to them, whether it's a girl or a guy or. Whatever, but then when you finally hear from them, they're like, oh, you know, I was dealing with my mom, you know, how she's old and I had, you know, whatever, or I, you know, it was dealing with my kids. I, you know, she's sick, throwing up and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

You know? So then it makes you feel bad because you're thinking shitty about your friend that wasn't messaging you back because you thought they were an asshole 

Tim: intentionally ghost you, they had shit going on. 

Nicky: Yeah. I mean, you know, so, and that goes the same with everything else, you know? You don't want to portray, like assume things that aren't really like, make it up in your head because your imagination can throw you 

Tim: for a loop next to do not Snoop.

So why not? Why give me your phone. Don't go through the partner's phone. You should, you should know that you have the right to go through it, or, you know, if your partner is refusing to give it to you, it's a red flag, but don't assume. Yeah. 

Nicky: Also, still don't assume 

Tim: don't project. There could be a bike.

There could be a 

Nicky: birthday gift hidden there 

Tim: exactly. And stuff, but don't Snoop because I guarantee if you look through your, your partner's phone hard and hard enough, you will find evidence to support whatever is going on in your head going on in your head. 

Nicky: Exactly. You can 

Tim: definitely do that. And, and don't just don't if you get to that point where you hit start, you know, where's the stopping point.

Nicky: Yeah. There's not, there's not, but like, I mean, on our phones, like. No your code. The only reason I knew your, I do know your code. I tell you my code all the time. I know. I know. That's what I'm saying. And you 

Tim: change it to the same as your code. How's that? 

Nicky: Okay. That would be easy, but I'm saying I never have to 

Tim: go in.

I'll walk my phone so many times. You know what I got it right.

Nicky: I'm looked over three minutes. No, but I, I know what your code is because when you told me this past weekend, cause I had to get in for I'm putting something while he was driving, like maps and stuff. I was like, yeah. So I was like, what's your code?

And he tells me and I'm like, oh yeah, dough. Yeah. I wasn't in the top of my head of like, oh my God, I know it's, , you know, kind of thing now, you know, my code really well because you're constantly in it. Cause I'm constantly throwing you my phone because you're like, did you do this? And um, and he, and I'm like, no, I didn't do this update here.

Fix it, make it work, do it. You know, so I'm constantly doing that. So. It like has no, like whatever, I don't care. And if you're flirting with a girl, okay, whatever, go for it. Maybe that'll portray into something that makes it really good in the bed. For me, I'm always going to win out in the benefit. Yeah.

That's 

Tim: a good point too. I'm going to went out there and just because I would be flirting does not mean I'm like. Behind your back and screw them 

Nicky: over. Right? Exactly. So I'm in a benefit in the long run. We'll start with that. Right. Cause I have trust that you're not going to go do that. All right. So what are some other attempts that we have?

Let's 

Tim: see, you got to give your relationship room. It's okay for your partner to have a guy's night out or a girl's night out, 

Nicky: like yeah. You let them go out with their friends. We've never said to each other like, oh no, you can't go out. Or, you know, oh, you're going in again or nothing like that. I mean, if they were going out every night 

Tim: and you're not ever 

Nicky: invited, then that again, red flags, we're talking about just the project either.

Yes. We're just talking like normal. You know, basic things or whatever, but guys need to have guys nights out and girls need to have girls night out. It's kind of like a cat 

Tim: or a better. 

Nicky: Yes, a cat, like when we got our little kitten, like we loved on her and loved on her. I think we squished her so much and cuddled her so much and was like, no, you're going to be mine and was squeezed her and loved her.

And now she's like, screw you all. Fuck you. I don't want you touching me because you have like claustrophobic li like gotten on her and she's just like, don't touch me. And 

Tim: for the people that aren't getting. It's like a butterfly. You have a butterfly in your hand and you will love the butterfly in your hand.

It's beautiful. And you just want to hold onto this butterfly and keep it next to you forever, but you can't squish cuddly little kitty, but as soon as you start trying to, in case that butterfly. It's gonna, it's not gonna like 

Nicky: it and control to control it. Like 

Tim: controlling, not gonna like it. You have to let it feel like it can do whatever it wants to do within reason.

Nicky: Alright, well, and cats are the same way. They don't want to be controlled at all. Like dogs are like, okay, you can control it. they've got a mind of their own. That's another story. Okay. 

Tim: Next, you have to focus on the positives in your relationship. Because as we mentioned earlier, there will be ups and there will be downs.

Yeah, don't wait. Don't just focus on those things. I because we don't have, well, I'm sorry, 

Nicky: what? Go ahead. No, I don't know what I was going to say now. No, I didn't 

Tim: mean to Joby ups and there'll be downs and we've had a lot of downs. Yes, we, you know, and that kind of makes it helps make us this expert that we are, because we've had those

Nicky: downs.

It's not rainbow sunshines and unicorn farts all the time. Yeah. Well, 

Tim: there've been some really bad downs and some really great up, 

Nicky: and you look at your relationship as a whole. You should be able to look at that. Like a high percentage, 80, 90, a good 90%. I don't know as good. And then you've got your 10%, maybe 15, 20 that is bad with your downs, but you're up should be way more.

So you should be thinking about your house. It's about 

Tim: our relationship. I really have to consciously. Try to think of the, the downs and the negatives in order to, even for them to pop into 

Nicky: my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause they're there for us anyways now, and that's not for every relationship that's, you know, that's done well.

I mean, there's people that have been married for, you know, 50, 60, 70 years, and there's maybe more 70, 30, or, you know what I'm saying? It may be that they've had different issues. Ours. We just happen to have. Not as many downs, but we have had some downs. And when we did have downs, yeah, we're going to it, it was really hard, bad downs.

I mean, we were, you know, pretty old, like out the door, divorce level down. So I mean, it does happen, but you've gotta be able to focus on the good and then get yourself back into the 

Tim: good exactly. Next is you have to have inside your relationship. It has to be a safe space. It has to be a place for open communication between each.

Nicky: Yeah. Yeah. So like, if you come to me and stuff and like, say something like, I can't, I can't get to, I'd be like, oh, you did? Oh yeah. Woo. I can't be like, that was lane. Do that again. Okay. That was a little bit, but we can't be like, you know, what the fuck you did that? I can't believe you did that. How could you do that?

Why would you do that 

Tim: right before and during. 

Nicky: Don't do it daring. Good Lord. Just set the video up, put it on airplane mode. So when he calls in on the Nicky, 

Tim: you will not believe what's happening right now. Do you don't even know how to do that, 

Nicky: but don't tell me, make a Gus, cause I'm gonna come in and mess up your video, get the video going and airplane mode.

It's like all that, but yeah, you can't get angry because then I'm not, if you got angry at me or I got angry at you, neither one of us feel like we can come to you to each other. Yeah. Talk about w you know, these things like, Hey, and you meet with an 

Tim: issue, and I start getting all defensive and start yelling and stuff that you're going to shut down.

You're never going to talk that approach again. Oh, fuck. 

Nicky: That. Ain't going down that road again. We're going to not talk about that. So, yeah, it's, it's really hard to not get defensive when your partner does come with you. With something, but you really have to think how you're going to react to it because your reaction can set the whole tone for everything.

And it's all about your reaction. It's how you react to whatever situation that's handed to you. Like good, bad, ugly. What am I turning this? It's not how you react to something. 

Tim: Oh, okay. Thank you. Oh, you know, it's not what happens to us in our lives. It's how we react to what happens to us in our lives.

Thank you. 

Nicky: That's what I was trying to say. Oh, like, you know, you can't, you can't help and you can't control what happens. Like somebody cuts you off in a car. You can't control it, but you can control how you react to the situation. That's 

Tim: what it was. The

Nicky: controlling. Yeah. Are you just going to let it go, tell him what can happen.

Exactly. And autumn is like flip him off, hook up your mom, hook your Hawaiian. Why aren't you honking your horn? Because it's not worth it. No, 

Tim: it's not. And never road rage issue. We don't need to. I have 

Nicky: a serious road rate issue, so does Florida in itself, but I've started in my older road. I'm just not letting it get to me.

Some of the things I'm just like, oh, who cares? 

Tim: It doesn't let them, it let 

Nicky: the people in. Right. Or whatever. I mean, it's just, sometimes it's not worth it now. Sometimes it's worth it now. 

Tim: All right. And while you're either having road rage or not, What you're going to be doing. Relationship wise is focusing on what you bring to the table and the relationship.

Nicky: You think others can bring to the relationship? Exactly. Yeah. Focus on you, what you can control. And, and again, in reality, if for some reason, something doesn't work out, then it just wasn't meant to be, they weren't your people or whatever. Have you. 

Tim: And that's going to suck if that turns out to be the 

Nicky: case.

Yeah. I mean, it does suck, but you can't trap a butterfly. It just is not going to work really or hold onto a kid because you're going to get scratched. Sorry. I had to 

Tim: just summarize it. Just keep in mind that yes. Like, like we said earlier, there's better looking people than you. There's richer people than you.

There's taller people than you. There's people with bigger dicks than you have. They have bigger dicks than you. They definitely 

Nicky: have bigger dicks than me, 

Tim: but, but that doesn't change. Does this. You know, this person's not rich. Good-looking better looking bigger, Dick all together. I mean the full package.

Yeah. Don't focus on. 

Nicky: I mean, they could have all that, but their personality could totally suck. Right. 

Tim: Exactly. Exactly. So, anyway, so this is the direction that we want to take the show. 

Nicky: Yes. Besties in bed. All the good and the 

Tim: bad, the intimacy, the good, the bad, the ugly. We'll have some other stuff later on down the road.

Nicky: Yeah, but that was, it was a good topic. That's um, the listener wrote, 

Tim: thank you so much for sending that question in. I was a great question. And if you want to. A topic or have a question. We will keep it completely anonymous. We'll chat it out here on the show because, you know, w we kind of want this to be a community.

Nicky: Yeah, definitely. And we would love to hear the questions and tell you what we think and how we've worked through maybe something that you have dealt with or whatever. I mean, that would be awesome. 

Tim: So at some point down the road, I think we had, even if some listeners are willing, we can have them. 

Nicky: Ah, that sounds amazing.

How fun is that? It's very fun. It's so fun. All right. Um, I think that's probably about enough time that you have listened to my voice. 

Voiceover: Thank you for joining us. You can visit us at bestiesinbed.com for all of our links. Please subscribe or follow so that you never miss out on an episode. In addition, we would also really appreciate it. If you would share us with a friend. After all sharing is the happy way 

Tim: let's go find Mila. 

Nicky: Okay. Cats do scratch though.