My Boyfriend Has A Box Of Things From His Ex

This week, we chat about:

• This week's topic comes from a listener question: My boyfriend has a box full of things from his ex...should I ask him to throw it away?

Also...

• Covid strikes us again
• Bathroom weirdness
• We discover another word that Nicky can't say

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Tim McGinnis
Nicky McGinnis

Transcript

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Voiceover: Welcome to the besties in bed podcast with Tim and Nikki, a married couple chatting about their adventures in life and marriage. Please be advised that our bed is not always work or kid-friendly, but we'll leave that decision up to you.

Nicky: Well, well, well, 

Tim: We are here 

Nicky: again? Yes we are. So what you got going on today? I had COVID this week. Oh, great. You sure did. And you got to take time off 

Tim: from work. I had to take time off. I didn't get to take time 

Nicky: off. Oh, you enjoyed the time off. I didn't get to take time off. I was forced to take time off, but I still had to do dishes 

Tim: and I still had to work.

Yeah, you did. I worked from. 

Nicky: Which was nice

Tim: that you could, and then we did some. A few touristic cleaning. We did conversions of rooms and

Nicky: yeah, we got some stuff done. Not as much as of course I would like, cause you know how I make lists. I'm like, let's check them off, get it done. And speaking of not that it's a list or anything, but it was kind of funny because while we were, you know, in our downtime, one of the times I was sitting there and I'm like, I've got a poop.

You know, I was like, I'm going to go in and come here to poop. And you're like talking to me and I'm like, well, you can come in and shut the door and stuff, you know, and help me smell it up. And he was like, well, only if you're going to suck my Dick. And I'm like, uh, would you really come in and smell my shit?

One second. And what 

Tim: did you say? I said, well, if you're enthusiastic enough, 

Nicky: what? I couldn't believe it. I was like, okay. So I guess it just really doesn't 

ever 

Tim: matter. I think you underestimate what guys will do for blow jobs. It that's what I'm thinking.

Nicky: I guess it just really doesn't matter. 

Tim: Yeah. It'll stink.

Yes. But guess what? I don't have to breathe. 

Nicky: Are you a vampire? 

Tim: They breathe. 

Nicky: No, no, I well, from some don't have to, 

Tim: you have to look at your notes. You're looking at notes to see if vampires 

Nicky: breathe and now I'm just keeping my phone on. It's just not anything to do with that. No, I just, no, no. I'm just saying from Twilight vampires, don't breathe.

But from other books, you know, maybe they do like, what's the one show. I can't even think about it now. Yes. Thank you. I mean, 

Tim: yeah. You mentioned Damon last 

Nicky: week. Yeah. Yeah. Does he 

Tim: breathe? 

Nicky: Yeah, I don't know. Does he, does he not well, anything. And another thing about the potty that I have to bring up about the potty.

When we were gone on vacation, every time I would go to the bathroom, I literally would pick a stall and go in and they were like 15 stalls long. So we're talking 30 stalls in the hotel room? No, no, no, not in the hotel. We're obviously not, but in the convention area, like 30 stalls, literally, no one. And the bathroom.

So I'm like, okay, great. I walked down halfway and I just pick a stall and I go with it. Shit. You the hell, not some girl, a woman, whatever has to walk in. And what style does she go to right next to you? Hell yeah, she does every F and time and I literally would pick different ones. I'd go, oh, let me go three down.

Oh, let me go. Six down. Oh, let me go 10 down. No matter which one I picked, somebody would fucking get right next to me. 

Tim: So you guys need the, the whole bathroom Medicat. Guys, you have to wall off your. You go to one, somebody else comes in, they don't go to the one next to you. They have to go down at least one.

You have to. Yeah. Like you have to say there's a, there's a gap. The one way thing, the only way, the only way that it would even be feasibly possible for another guy to be next to you. And you're pissing at a urinal is if there's, there's no gap ones. I mean, 

Nicky: if it's like only. Or no three and two are using the two and right.

If there's, 

Tim: if there's someone at each, every other one, you know, they have to go somewhere or the stalls are open. I mean, I'll go to the stall usually if that's the case, but yeah, 

Nicky: no, I kid you not, she fucking, every time it's not the same one either. That's, what's weird. It wasn't the same one. And I swear you can see the reflection.

I could see her wiping. I could see her grabbing her toilet paper. I could see the fuck. Are you looking at her? Because I'm looking at the floor and you can see it. And I'm like, oh great. If I can see her, she can see me. I don't fucking know. I couldn't like tell features, but I'm like, what the F is she doing right next to me?

Literally after I was done, like, there was nobody beside me. I took pictures of her floor because then of course, after I took, wanted to take pictures, Nobody ever showed up beside me so I could get a picture of the reflection of the person next to me, but I'll post on the Instagram and you'll be able to see it.

You 

Tim: don't want to get caught taking pictures of people's reflection. I don't on the bathroom floors. No, because then you'll look like a peeping Tom. Oh, well, I 

Nicky: didn't think you can't like see, but you 

Tim: can, but you're not a ton of your female. Peep. Is there a peeping to mirror? You'll be a peeping to mirror tomorrow.

Nicky: You're so weird. What's yeah, but anyways, okay. So what do we have on the topic today? You got a question in it and you know yeah. We 

Tim: had, we had some pretty good feedback from last week based on last week's episode. Uh, you know, from what I could gather. Yeah. The, the feedback was people like that direction.

Okay. So we're going to afford John with it. And I had a follow up based on the whole. All right. I don't have the exact words here, so I'm going to kind of paraphrase. Okay. I get what you're saying, but what if your significant other, I get 

Nicky: what you're saying, but I heard a big old book. 

Tim: Right. But what if your significant other boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, like has a shoe box full of memory of things from past relationship.

Nicky: I shoe box just a shoe box, 

Tim: shoe box, a treasure trove. If you will. 

Nicky: I treasure trove or Trevor coat? 

Tim: No, not a fucking treasure Cove. 

Nicky: Well, what's a treasure trove. I 

Tim: don't know. I saw her was at work, but now you're doubting. Now you're making me doubt myself. I 

Nicky: couldn't do that because such a word I would use is what it sounds like, like a made up.

Tim: You keep talking, I'm looking at 

Nicky: your treasure. So. The question basically was, is it okay to keep these things like things in the shoe box? Oh, here we 

Tim: go. Hold on a treasure trove. Oh, it's a collection or store of valuable or delightful things. I 

Nicky: look at that I'm right. Okay. I just sound like a made up word.

I'm not going to lie, but okay. So treasures like valuable, like things like gifts or things that you've gotten from ex-US. Sure. Okay. So what's your thoughts on this? I want to hear your thoughts. I 

Tim: say why? I mean, I don't, it doesn't bother me to have my shoe box 

Nicky: of stuff. 

Tim: Maybe. No, cause that would be snooping and we don't Snoop.

I don't know where I don't no, I don't. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I mean, all of that stuff was part of the. What made you who you are today, right? 

Nicky: I agree with that. So, 

Tim: no, I, yeah. I mean, no, but what 

Nicky: are your, what are your thoughts? My thoughts are w are you fucking psycho? No, I'm just kidding.

I'm just joking. No, I have no issues with it whatsoever. Like, I just feel like, um, if you've got something from it, it's like throwing pitchers away. Like. Part of your past. And if you throw pictures away or, I mean, it's like just cutting out. Let's say you're with somebody for five years, that's cutting out five years of your life.

So that means like, you can't talk about anything that happened in those five years. You can't have memories of something that happened in five years. You can't, you know what I'm trying to say? Like that doesn't even make sense. And it's really, I mean, if it's a gift, it's not the gifts fault, so you should enjoy the gift.

Tim: Yeah, absolutely. I keep the gift, but I'm saying what if it's like love notes? 

Nicky: I mean, it's just still, I mean, when you're talking you're 80, when you're 80, if you want to go back. What's the word run sentence resonate. Now. 

Tim: Want to go back and shut up reminisce? 

Nicky: Yes. There you go. God, if you want to residence, but you know, like, I don't know.

I don't see that that's a, you're not hurting anything. You're not acting. Does that make sense? Now if you're taking it and flaunting it and to your other person's face, 

Tim: what if they're nudes? What if they're nude pictures from an ex? 

Nicky: Uh, I don't see that you really need the new pictures. What 

Tim: do you need though?

Why do you need any nude pictures? It's not a matter of need. Well 

Nicky: then what are you gonna do? You masturbate till, 

Tim: well, we'll get to that question a little bit, but just having them, um, 

Nicky: like on your. 

Tim: On the F well, nowadays, yeah, everything's digital. So it'd be on your phone. 

Nicky: I'm thinking my oldie Goldie days, but I don't got any news from anyone and the oldie Goldie days now.

I, I mean, if you want to keep them sure. But I mean, it doesn't bother me. What does it bother you? No. Yeah. So I know, I mean, it doesn't bother me. I mean, I don't see a need and keeping the nudes, but I mean, I guess maybe for blackmail later on, 

Tim: no, I mean, it wasn't, it's not a need, it's just, you know, you have them.

Nicky: Yeah. I mean, personally me, I would probably delete those just because I wouldn't want those. You know, Dick's, aren't as cute as vagina. 

Tim: I'm just going to say, yeah, that's absolutely true. I mean, I'm just, the guys are made for function. Girls are made for aesthetics. Yeah, 

Nicky: I guess so. I mean, that's just it.

Okay. So what else you got? That's my opinion on those items. What other items do you have? Because you said something later on. We'll get to, 

Tim: oh, you had brought up masturbation. What if you're looking at a picture in your master? 

Nicky: Um, well, that's kind of like goes into the porn thing link, you know, like it depends on, do you have an addiction to porn?

Cause sometimes porn can be healthy, but sometimes it can be unhealthy depending on the way, the whole 

Tim: episode. 

Nicky: Exactly. So, I mean, that's kind of how I go. It kind of depends on what. Like if you're having a blue moment, I guess, and you masturbate to it like me for me, like whatever. I mean, if you're not acting on it, then I get the benefits from it.

Tim: No, I see. I think masturbating to porn would be, I think that, I don't know, that feels different to me than if you, you have a picture of an ex naked and you're masturbating to that, cause you have 

Nicky: more feelings related to it, 

Tim: you know, theoretically at some point when that picture was taken or sent to you, there were some emotions.

Can I relate connection to it. Porn is just it's pixels on a screen. Yeah, I guess so. But I mean, it's, some pixels are better looking pixels than others. I'll tell you that 

Nicky: much. I agree with that. But I mean, for me, I, I don't, I'm not going to masturbate to a pitcher, so it has no bearing, like it's not something my brain can concept.

Tim: Like you guys are visual. Right. And they prefer a V some something visual to masturbate. Right. And I guess women it's all in your head. 

Nicky: Yeah, I guess so. Sure. We'll go with that word. 

Tim: Well, when you masturbate, what? I guess 

Nicky: it's in your head. 

Tim: I don't know. Do you think about 

Nicky: anything? I have no idea. I thinking about, okay, let's get this done.

All right, let's go. I 

Tim: don't know. So you just want to hit, hit the destination as fast as you can and not enjoy the journey 

Nicky: sometimes.

I'm an odd duck, I guess. All right. What else you got? 

Tim: That's like the third or fourth time you've asked that exact same. Alright, what else 

Nicky: you got? I know I'm like, listen to one to the next question or the next thought. I don't know. Are you uncomfortable? Yes. Very. I have no idea, but carry on. I don't know how this topic became, 

Tim: you know, what 

Nicky: is it therapeutic?

How am I going to benefit from this later? 

Tim: Maybe. Okay. Getting angry, getting you out of your comfort zone. Okay. No, I was just saying, all right, you have this shoe box full of stuff and you know, sometimes you can just thumb through it, look at it, remember old shit, but you know, you see you're thumbing through and you see a picture and it's like, well, I know this person was pretty hot at that time.

Nicky: Yeah. At that time. And now you look at them and go, oh God, they're bald and ugly. Oh God, I'm glad that you're okay with 

Tim: that. Because this picture is the forever image at that particular moment. Yeah. So if you go back to oops, so if you go back to that particular moment, yeah. Okay. And then you were like, oh, you know, I remember what we did right after we, we took that picture.

I'm just saying, is that, does that even go to like cheating almost at that point? 

Nicky: It could. It depends on what emotions you're putting into. Hm, you're thinking that you're 

Tim: like, Hmm, no, I didn't know. Also I do not know how we got to the standard either. I'm just saying as a chit chat things, 

Nicky: Yeah, I don't, I don't know.

I mean, it depends 

Tim: on things just happen. I don't mean like, you know, you, you hit your chat with someone and you have sex with them. I'm saying that doesn't just happen. It just happened, you 

Nicky: know? Sorry. Wifey. My Dick just slipped right in 

Tim: it. Accidentally just fell in. I don't know, 

Nicky: has a whole that bag. No, but I mean, it's hard to say it depends on the trust level and the, is this something that's ongoing as, as something that happens regularly?

Are you thumbing through these all the time? Are they sitting in the box saying they're collecting cobwebs? I mean, there's a big difference. It depends on what emotional connection that you're having with it. Girls have emotional connections to things. 

Tim: So. Pretty much just visual. 

Nicky: Right? So it's probably unlike leave that a guy is going to keep a shoe box of love notes or whatever, which we probably people don't.

Yeah. Which the girls prayer, not going to keep the nodes, but they'll keep the love letters, the nudes, but they'll keep the love letters, but who the hell writes love letters anymore? I know they're all text. Yeah. So you can't 

Tim: really save that or send a meme. So at one point somebody directory of memes are going to be the shoe box of things from the.

So you 

Nicky: would keep means is what you're saying. Oh, I definitely keep memes because they're funny. No, I'm just kidding. I was just messing with you. I had to do it. 

Tim: All right. So w w what we have going on, we have a shoe box. We have a shoe box with gifts, cause it's not the gifts fault. It's not the gifts. I mean, gifts, not gifts.

G I 

Nicky: F a G I F T, right? Yes. So it's not the 

Tim: gift present. It's not the presence fault. Right. Then we have a shoe box with also some love letters, 

Nicky: which nobody writes anymore. So they probably don't. 

Tim: So that's fine. So far are the contents of the box is okay. 

Nicky: Okay. Well, what about like a folder on your phone full of, like you said, those means or screenshots of texts or things like that.

Um, how we're going to another direction. 

Tim: Well, that's the modern day version of a shoe box. 

Nicky: Yeah. I had to like switch it out cause I'm like, who the hell has the shoe box anymore? 

Tim: Well, the question was phrased box. Oh, 

Nicky: oops, sorry. So, okay. Somebody has a shoe box out there. Just kidding. I know tons people do, but I'm saying the.

You know, millennials probably will not, when they're 50 have a shoe box, they're going to have a folder on their phone full of things like they've screenshot and done like that. And it basically, I feel like it just kind of depends on your emotions to it. I'm going to go right back to that. 

Tim: Okay. So if you're emotionally tied to anything in the box 

Nicky: yes.

That you're constantly going in and like seeking it and like. What's the Memor, uh, golly. Not mesmerizing, but, um, memory reverends in this reminiscing. Oh, good Lord. Why can't I even convince that resident? I can even say it reminiscing 

Tim: over how to talk 1 0 1. 

Not 

Nicky: with me. You mean with you trying to teach me?

No, but 

Tim: um, to talk 1 0 1 for Nikki, 

Nicky: there you go. That's better. But like, if you're constantly rehashing and are going to it or throwing it up in your new partner's face, that's not how be, and 

Tim: that's not good. Yeah. That's something altogether. That's almost abusive. Yeah. 

Nicky: Yeah. Yeah. That's like, it goes into a whole different thing.

I, I 

Tim: w we've veered off all kinds of ways from the original question. So the original question was we have a shoe. Full of stuff. That was the word stuff. Okay. From ex from an ex relationship, 

Nicky: should I throw it out? What was the other part? 

Tim: Do I have a right to demand that 

Nicky: demand or 

Tim: do I have a right to request?

Well, 

Nicky: was it the other person. Shoe box. So the right, the person who wrote you, did they say that 

Tim: they're asking about their partner has a shoe box, 

Nicky: has a shoe box of stuff. Okay. It's their shoe box. Okay. So they want their partner to get rid of the shoe box. I 

Tim: think it bothers this person, 

Nicky: uh, bothers them.

Okay. That they have a shoe box 

Tim: of stuff. So I think one, you need to sit down and talk open communication. If it bothers you, you need to express that to your. 

Nicky: And also you need to figure out why does it bother you? Does it bother you? Because this person's constantly in the shoe box, does a shoe box have cobwebs on it where they don't even touch the shoe box, but it still bothers you.

Like, why is it bothering you? Is it because the X, you know, the X personally, and there's some kind of like beef there. Um, I'm just trying to throw out things like suggestions as to why, but you also need to look within yourself. And seeing why is it bothering? 

Tim: Why are you, are you, why are you jealous over, over this, this box of old crap from an old relationship?

Yeah. 

Nicky: Especially if it's got cobwebs on it kind of thing, or it's not really, it's just sitting there or whatever, then just let it sit there. But I mean, that's just, I mean, it's easier said than done. I'm going to say that too, but you got to look within and have a discussion. Yeah. I have 

Tim: a discussion. It really does boil down to why are you jealous of.

Nicky: Yeah, because jealousies 

Tim: agree. It can be very ugly and it can make people do very ugly things. Yeah. 

Nicky: And then you start wrapping things in your head and then you go off into these tangents and your brain like makes up this false narrative in your head. Right. 

Tim: And you're tying emotions to these, these, the staff Pratt the stuff in a shoe box, which there may not be any emotions there.

It might just be. Like for this person you're for your partner, just a scrapbook of old memories. 

Nicky: Yeah. It's like asking somebody to throw away like the last five years of their life and what they had the last five years. Would it be, would it make them who they are now? If they hadn't done that? I don't know.

It's like, okay. Um, 

Tim: you know, and there might be something in that box that if that had not existed, For whatever reason, you know, the world ripple effect, you may not be together today, 

Nicky: right? They might not have landed that person to where they're at. At that time when y'all met, they would have been a whole different destination.

The 

Tim: fact that any of us are even here as a miracle, because everything in history had to have happened at the exact one. And it happened for any of us even exist. Yeah. That's kind of crazy. Anyway, that's a big tangent. That's a whole another, I interrupted your thought. What was it? Not a fucking clue. It was a, you're talking about jealousy.

Nicky: You're gonna have to give me more detailed that rewind the clip. I don't know 

Tim: how tag do you think we are, man? We don't, we don't have roll the clip instant replay. I, 

Nicky: what I'm Mike really 

Tim: would like you to do. I'm going to assume you finished your thought. I'm going to assume 

Nicky: I did too, but maybe when you relisten to this, you might be like, nah, she didn't finish her thought and we'll put it on the end.

Tim: Yeah. And somebody listening right now, completely pissed off at me. 

Nicky: What the fuck? I know. I didn't know what she was going to say. I apologize. I didn't know what I was going to say 

Tim: that you're, you're probably just going to risen in him, submitted about something, 

Nicky: probably so, but yes, it's basically a box of stuff and it just depends on the 

Tim: stuff.

Yeah. Why is it bothering you? You need to address figure that out first. You need to communicate. That your partner holding onto this, this, these items is bothering you, but you also need to kind of communicate why it's bothering you and, and do so very calmly. 

Nicky: Yes. Calmly being a key word, not, oh, that's really not going to be good.

That's going to go really bad. I'm just going to go ahead and share with them right now. Let's don't do that. 

Tim: So yeah. Is key is key. Figure it out, just express, like find out why the person wants to keep it. 

Nicky: Yeah. I mean, they may not even know that she boxes. I mean, let's be real. They may like, oh shit,

I'm going to say on like, they may be like, oh shit, I didn't even realize I was in my closet because let's say the two people are together, you know? And it's the guy's box, which I don't know, guys that have boxes of shoe box, but let's just say, and then the girl moves in and she notices the 

Tim: box in the closet.

Holding onto old. Okay. 

Nicky: So, but it's like up in the closet, the girl moves in and then she's like rearranging the closet and doing, she comes across it. Like, he might be like, fuck, that thing's been there 10 years. I bought this house 10 years ago. I have no idea. Like, are I moved in this apartment two years ago?

I don't even know it was inside of a box of a box. I, you know, they may not even know, but they may, I don't know. You have to ask. That's why we have these conversation. And a civilized voice. 

Tim: Correct. And you can't get defensive no matter what said you can't get argumentative 

Nicky: because that's just going to backfire on you because of course, if you get defensive and all that, they're going to get defensive.

And then it's just 

Tim: going to turn the neighbors. I'm wondering whether they should call the cops on you or not, or is there a domestic spat going 

Nicky: on? Yeah, no telling. 

Tim: All right. So let's, let's kind of wrap it up and just kind of summarize my thoughts. Okay. I'll go for it. Go for it. 

Nicky: You go for it.

Tim: I do not think there's any problem with a significant other holding on to a collection.

Of memories from past relationships. Sure. 

Nicky: I don't want to throw my shoe box out. I'm just kidding. I don't even know. I don't have a shoe box, but anyways. Yeah. I would agree with that. I don't, I, I mean, personally, unless, like I said, they were like flipping through it all the time or throwing something in your face, like, oh, why, you know, look at this, you could be like this, or, Ooh, why don't you write me a 

Tim: letter?

That's a whole different, yeah. I mean, that's what I'm saying,

Nicky: but just having it and I'm saying they're like, whatever. That's part of who they are. Yeah, that's what I said. 

Tim: So we're in agreement on this one. Whew. Thank goodness. We don't have to have a discussion

Nicky: now. Let me see your shoe box. Now show you my 

Tim: shoe box.

You don't look at my folder of nudes. 

Nicky: Oh, I'm sure they're really good ones. 

Tim: Anything else for you today? 

Nicky: Nothing else for me, but check out the Instagram for them pictures though, because I'm going to post them. If Tim says they're okay, but he'll say they're okay. 

Tim: She, you have the same login as I do. 

Nicky: I was just kidding.

You act like I was going to give you an Instagram 

Tim: is what I have no idea. I just clicked on this season bed 

Nicky: podcast. Oh, I thought you meant like how I like got to it or something. I don't 

Tim: know. I'm not asking you for the, the link. The HTTP, colon backslash backslash, instagram.com 

Nicky: backslash. Anyways, it's pasties in bed podcasts.

Just get to it. Yes. Just go right there. Patsy's in bed podcasts. Which, which what, 

Tim: yeah, that's it.

Nicky: And we're going to have a tech talk soon too, and it's going to be a decent bed podcast as well, right? Yeah. 

Tim: I don't know that we're I know we could, we could link up the tick-tock to that and we will, in fact, I think it might be already, I don't, I don't think they're offering, uh, the hosting company is offering the linking to the tick-tock yet.

You just said the Tech-Talk. 

Nicky: I mean, the Instagram make up your mind. 

Tim: Instagram is linked. 

Nicky: Instagram's link. You don't know about 

Tim: tech or definitely not link. Oh, okay. Tick-tock is not really ready yet. No, 

Nicky: you're going to be highly disappointed. I'm sorry. Yes. All right. Well, y'all have a great one. Thank you for joining us.

Voiceover: You can visit us@bestiesandbed.com for all of our links and episodes, please subscribe or follow so that you never miss out on an episode. In addition, we would also really appreciate it. If you would share us with a friend after all sharing is the happy way. 

Tim: What do you want to reminisce?

Because it's about now not 

Nicky: a damn thing.