8 - Awakening to Negative Bias

Barbara Newell and Matthew Aldrich discuss the very common human tendency to have a negativity bias in our view of what's happening around us and inside of us.  In a pandemic or other times of strong challenge, it's particularly useful to be aware of how negativity bias may be skewing our perceptions - which in turn can fuel unhelpful reactions. Barbara and Matthew touch on the evolutionary basis for this bias and ways to access a fuller, more accurate picture of the outer and inner realities, so we can respond skillfully rather than react unconsciously.

Visit barbaranewell.com or thewaytowellbeing.com for more resources.  Barbara offers free initial consultations which can be booked here.

The Way to Well-Being is a collaboration between Barbara Newell, mindfulness + meditation teacher and a former Zen Buddhist nun with Thich Nhat Hanh, and Matthew Aldrich, mindfulness student.

As a newcomer to mindfulness, Matthew saw his meditation practice developing quickly and easily with Barbara's instruction. He found applied mindfulness practices to be extremely helpful for relating skillfully with emotional reactivity.  While there are numerous books about mindfulness, the information can sometimes be conflicting, too conceptual, or just inadequate with regard to the actual implementation in a busy modern life.

It became apparent that straightforward, practical guidance could help other people find their way to long-term, sustained well-being through mindfulness.

Transcript

spk_0:   0:04
welcome to the way toe well being Podcast where we explore a structured approach toe wellbeing through the cultivation of mindfulness. This is Matthew Aldridge, and I'm a mindfulness student.

spk_1:   0:18
And this is Barbara Newell. I'm a mindfulness teacher.

spk_0:   0:22
Today. We wanted to talk a bit about the process of becoming more mindful and some of the things that you might note. And I want to give you a couple examples. So recently a friend of mine actually listen to our podcast. It was the one talking about quieting the mind by quieting the body. And in that podcast, we had actually done a guided meditation. I was the body scan and he listened to the podcast when he was on a run. One of the things that he noticed Waas. That he wasn't performing that well and in his mind, and that his muscles were hurting, apparently and run in several days. And so it was a bit challenging, but all of a sudden he was much more, um, aware and awake to what's going on is the body. And he was like, Man, that was it was just a very different experience and my immediate response to him was like, That's mindfulness. You're actually aware of what's going on because very often, maybe in previous cases he would just ignore those signals that were coming from his body. Another thing and this is more of a personal experience is that as I practiced Maura, Maura, Meditation one of the things that I noted and Barbara I actually brought this up with you was that I noticed my mind was racing and it just seemed like it was racing Maur Then, before it had started mindfulness practice. And I remember your response. Waas. That's pretty normal because you're just aware that your mind is racing where it's been doing that all the time. But now you're just mindful or aware or awake to it. So with that, Barbara, I wanted to get your perspective on kind of this process of awakening and very often sometimes what people experience are more troubling. I guess aspects of that

spk_1:   2:38
this is really this is so common, and I would almost say a never tubal part of that process of becoming more mindful. Often maybe we get a really nice little bit of relief, and pretty quickly, then we start to become more aware of. As you say, Matthew, things that we very subtly habitually tend to kind of push, push away, push out of our consciousness. And as we start to cultivate this this practice of being willing and being more open to our experience, sometimes it can seem like Wow, uh, you know, yet my mind is racing all the time. My mind is a monkey jumping from branch to branch. And I had I have a very vivid memory of my own experience of that, um, you know, just spending many, many, many minutes on a cushion, arguing with somebody in my head and then being horrified at how much time I was spending arguing with someone in my head until until I got it. That it that, as you said that that this is something that I probably was doing in the back of my mind all day long. It was only when I made that space to be present for what my mind was doing, that I was really aware, Um, and the good news is that then then I could, um, engage it and make choices about what I thought about. We have some choice about where where I put my mind. And so when when these things happen, this, too is something for us to be mindful of. So, for example, if we are running and with mindfulness, we start to become aware of pain, more aware than we normally are. And then the thought comes that the thought or an emotion and emotion of maybe alarm or, um, some kind of aversion to that feeling of pain. And then the mind is saying, I don't want to feel that, um, you know, I just wanna tune out from my body and these things as well can be things that we bring mindfulness to mindfulness to that that ah don't like, you know, that disliking, mindfulness to the mind, Um, judging ourselves for not running well, that we, you know, we shouldn't have waited so many days. Um, you know, is this gonna be a really unpleasant run for the next power? Many minutes And these two, we can just bring that mindfulness to those things, and it's also true. So it's good to know what our body is doing, what our mind is doing, what our emotions are doing. And it's also good to remember the other things that are also happening with that are pleasant or that are neutral. We can have this very subtle unconscious says. It's called the negativity bias, where the mind just tends to focus on what's wrong, what's problematic and so part of this practice is, yes, to be aware of what's unpleasant and by the way that may help us not get injured through our running. Because we're aware of where something may be painful day after day before we catch it before it gets a real problem. And we can also remember to then be aware of will what else is happening that, ah, that I can be aware of Because ah yeah, maybe there's pain in my calves, but my lungs air feeling great, Um, or I can just be happy that I have calves that can run, so there is some discomfort in them. There's a little bit of pain. If there's something I can do to adjust my, um, you know, my positioning or my pace or whatever it is the surface that I'm running on those air, those air good adjustments to make, and I can also notice. Yeah, but you know what these calves are getting stronger. This is this is a tolerable discomfort that's part of becoming more fit and more healthy, and they are capable. They're doing a great job, even if you know they're having an unpleasant feeling. And many other things are going on in the body, the hardest pumping Well, um, you know, just being aware of the air is good. We're breathing and fresh air if there's sunshine, the trees, the animals. So there's many other things that we can remember to be aware of. And so mindfulness is my teacher. Tick, not Han would always emphasize. Mindfulness is always mindfulness of something. So when we do our our basic practice with our anchor, if if our anchors air breathing, we're practicing mindfulness of breathing. And we're doing that to develop our skill of being present to something about a sensation and also were cultivating concentration of saying of sustaining that presidents with it, Um, when we when we drink a cup of tea, we can practice mindfulness of drinking, so we may not put all our attention on our breath. But we're mindful of the temperature of the liquid and how it feels going down our throat and maybe even all the way into our stomach. When we're with a friend, we can just have, you know, mindfulness of connection, mindfulness of togetherness. So so we can choose. Sometimes it is a good idea to have mindfulness of the discomfort of the unpleasant of of whatever is, um, unpleasant and having done that and and taken in that information and done what we can to to address the situation. We also want to cultivate mindfulness of the pleasant in the neutral. Why do

spk_0:   8:42
you think it is that we have this emphasis on the negatives? Do you think this is a cultural component, or is it more of just the survival kind of orientation of our species?

spk_1:   9:01
Yeah. So, um, as we touched on earlier in the podcast, Siri's, um, we do have, ah, to some extent, an evolutionary hard wiring to be vigilant about what's what's what's wrong. What's a possible threat and too often very high degrees of sensitivity. You know, pain is a very sometimes quite advanced for an advanced signal. Uh, that, you know, injury may be coming, and so we need to do a course correction or, um, anger may be a signal that something needs to be addressed and changed, or else we might not be okay. Um Mmm. And so that can become this kind of negativity bias or a negative scanner where we're just continually scanning every situation for what's wrong and what we need to change or improve or correct or fix. And, um, one in this in situations where most of us are not actually an imminent threat of harm that can actually become counterproductive to our health rather than promoting our survival, it can actually contribute to anxiety and even to physiological conditions, and it can become very subtle. So where we as in this example of the running or I've heard this and many others other situations or my own situation on the cushion with arguing with someone in my head, we can start a CZ, we become more mindful that subtle negativity bias is is kind of mixed in there. And so we come. We become so mindful of all the things that we're doing wrong, or that we had mindful that we're not being mindful, which that is mindfulness. Actually, when we're aware that we weren't present, that is a moment of mindfulness. As we've said, when we turn and wake up again, we have a chance to restart. And also to be mindful of our tendency that when we look at anyone, we're ends any situation and we start to call upon mindfulness upon presence that there is that kind of tending, tending toward and noting what's not right. And so to be aware of that tendency and toe come back and say, OK, well, what's actually positive? What's healthy? What's what's neutral in?

spk_0:   11:34
Got it? Yeah, yeah, I mean, from my personal experience, I think a lot of it's habitual in the environment she grew up in and kind of your disposition that develops as a result of that. And one of the things I noticed is, as I became more mindful, is I would notice the negative predisposition, that negative bias. But then it was the fact of becoming mindful of it and then saying Wait, that isn't all that exist here.

spk_1:   12:06
That's it.

spk_0:   12:06
There's gather some negative, but there's positives. There's things. They're just okay. And it's very much opening your eyes to the whole realm of experience.

spk_1:   12:21
Yeah, and because we do have that negative bias and even culturally, um, I mean, even my own mother. I was telling you this, Matthew. One time I remember saying to her, she's she's no longer living But I remember saying to her one time You know it it seems like you really kind of prefer to talk about things that are what's going wrong, And she just kind of looked at me and she said, Well, that's because it's more interesting. Um, and you know, if you look at our media, our television, and now I'm not even talking about the extreme cases like some of those old comedians you know, Don Rickles are Rodney Dangerfield. If you've ever seen them or W C fields their entire that's, I think a whole field of comedy, right? Is insult comedy. But even the more considered what we consider family friendly, you know, wholesome shows like friends or something. There's still quite a bit of putting each other down, and, um, yeah, mocking each other and so on. And just to be aware that in our culture there's something about that making you a little bit more cool, a little bit more smart, um, more kind of on top of the situation. If you can point out, um, you know other people's faults or even your own fault, even self deprecating. But there's that deprecating dipper tendency and there's this There can be. Of course, we know it can go to the other extreme to where people are just, you know, in total denial on dhe. They it's not okay to be anything but happy. So we can have thes positive vibes only, yes, And sometimes that people will talk about spiritual bypassing, where people are using kind of spirituality to not acknowledge the things that are, you know, that sometimes harm is happening or something isn't right. So now we're talking about really finding that middle way. Um and so being willing. Okay, So if we are most of us aware that we have some kind of tendency toward the negative looking at ourselves through a negative lens are other people or situations through a and anxious lens like it's not gonna be okay. I better really, um, we really, you know, watch out and not make any mistakes. So in that case, it is skillful to consciously intentionally practice mindfulness of positive things of thes practices like loving kindness of compassion, of intentionally remembering, Yeah, all the things, All the ways in which we are quite fortunate and quite healthy. These air often will fall into the category of gratitude practice. That's a very legitimate practice for bringing some balance into our perspective when we do have that leaning in towards the negative view of things.

spk_0:   15:22
But I don't think you're saying you be positive all the time and positive thinking is is the way

spk_1:   15:30
right? And I would also say that, um, I think a really important principle in this whole practices, that one person's poison is another person's medicine, and vice versa. So really, we need to get to know our own being and notice how our mind is and how we feel when we direct our mind to certain things. For example, when we watch a certain TV series, how do we feel like this is we talked about this also with the use of substances, so just noticing, Oh, when I remember this myself, I remember so clearly I went to see, um, this was an old yeah, a movie with a comic. It was like a kind of stand up comic feature length film and I came out and I just remember talking to the person, you know, that I went to the movie with and I had this kind of aggressive swagger in my talking, and it was because I had disconcert seemed all of that attitude for an hour and 1/2 in the movie theater. So, um, yes. Oh, noticing how we feel when we are consuming different things and how we feel when we are thinking about certain things What what kind of effect that produces in our body and our feelings. And so, um, if we are, as you just said and as I also mentioned, um, yeah, just like happy, happy, happy. Everything's fine. And someone tries to say something about a difficulty that they're having and we just say, Oh, you'll be all right, you know? I mean,

spk_0:   17:05
miss it. Yeah,

spk_1:   17:06
yeah. So I think if we start to sense in, we'll start to notice. Yeah, that may be our relationships aren't that deep when we have that kind of attitude. Or maybe in our own body, there's actually tension. When we're having that kind of response, like I don't wanna I don't want to acknowledge that painful feeling in the other person or even in myself. I'm just I want to be happy, Um, and so likewise if we if we notice that we do have the tendency to just really dwell on the negative that's happening in the moment or the negative thing that's around the corner, that we won't be able to handle it again, Um, we want to make an adjustment and more kind of. It is really just like muscles of the body. If we're always using the muscle that says What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong, then we need to bring some intentionality to practicing mindfulness of what is not

spk_0:   17:57
wrong. But, yeah, I think the important point here, though, is not to make it out. Everything's positive. It's It's like the middle way of choosing and the way I like to describe it, as people asked, Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I'm like I'm a realist. Um, it really is looking at reality, and reality is filled with positives, negatives and just read there in the middle neutral and I mean it's It's also the kind of the same attitude I when people talk about good and bad and I'm like, Well, that's a really hard judgment call there. There's there's no black and white. There's a lot of greys in life.

spk_1:   18:37
Yeah, And I would say to that I mean, really taking in soaking in the happy experiences again because so many of us do have the negativity bias. I think that for many of us, it's almost harder to really let in the happiness because there's that worry about Well, what about tomorrow? It might not be like that, Um, so it can be beneficial and strengthening and pleasant and joyful and energizing to really soak in the happy things. The the little things that are wonderful in this incredible human body, you know, and our simple relationships that bring us connection and joy So I would be fully present to soak that in and say, Yeah, this is really pleasant. Um and yeah, we know on some level that, like everything else, it is passing, it will pass and the unpleasant similarly so it's really about relating with those things skillfully. It's almost like when you think of flowers. You know when you have flowers in a vase, it's almost part of why you love them because you know that they're not gonna be there forever.

spk_0:   19:50
It's important. And and just like a flower there, there, the smaller things in life that often bring us about the biggest Joyce. And that's just something to keep in mind. So I think that's all we have for today. Thank you very much for listening. For more information, go to our website at the weight well being dot com. And for more information on Barbara and how she can help you go to barbara Newell dot com. Thank you very much and be safe during these difficult times. Thank you.