11 - Responding to Challenges Creatively

Barbara Newell and Matthew Aldrich discuss our natural resistance to change.  Given the pandemic, we have all been subject to an enormous amount of unexpected change.  This gives rise to stress and anxiety.  Barbara and Matthew discuss methods to ease the resistance and creatively open to the possibilities presented by change.

Visit barbaranewell.com or thewaytowellbeing.com for more resources.  Barbara offers free initial consultations which can be booked here.

The Way to Well-Being is a collaboration between Barbara Newell, mindfulness + meditation teacher and a former Zen Buddhist nun with Thich Nhat Hanh, and Matthew Aldrich, mindfulness student.

As a newcomer to mindfulness, Matthew saw his meditation practice developing quickly and easily with Barbara's instruction. He found applied mindfulness practices to be extremely helpful for relating skillfully with emotional reactivity.  While there are numerous books about mindfulness, the information can sometimes be conflicting, too conceptual, or just inadequate with regard to the actual implementation in a busy modern life.

It became apparent that straightforward, practical guidance could help other people find their way to long-term, sustained well-being through mindfulness.

Transcript

spk_0:   0:14
welcome to the way to well being Podcast, where we explore a structured approach toe Well, being through the cultivation of mindfulness. This is Matthew Aldridge, and I'm a mindfulness student.

spk_1:   0:27
And this is Barbara Newell. I'm not mindfulness

spk_0:   0:29
teacher today. We wanted to talk about being stir crazy. So, um, this last week I had a chance. Talk to some colleagues and some friends, and I think the general consensus is that people are getting a little sick of being isolated. Ah, little, um, tired of, Ah, the processes. They're kind of stuck in. Um, and a couple examples. Um, right now, with my work, pretty much everything is done on zoom, which is a huge change. I mean, in business consulting your typically working directly with the client physically and so being in your personal office in front of a computer on a video chat, in essence eyes, a little challenging. It's a big change, and people are getting a little tired of it. Um, and it's created some challenges. Just behavioral e. I had one colleague mentioned that he found himself pretty much not moving for most of the day. Ah, he would skip breakfast. And so we had to kind of change his routine to ensure. Before he went into the office, he had his breakfast. He had a specific routine to that would essentially keep him, um, normal. Uh, and there was another example of someone whose career has been challenged by the epidemic. Um, it's There's have been a big migration now towards the Web, digital and technology. We see it everywhere where, you know, Amazon has taken over a lot of the retail business. Retail stores are shut down. And so this friend is in an industry which has impacted. And so looking forward, it's There's a big question as toe What's what's my career gonna look like? And for those that lost their job, it's It's a real question of wins. My job gonna come back and what's gonna look like. So I think in general there's a lot of anxiety. There's a lot of uncertainty out there. So with that Barbara, I wanted to get your advice in terms of how you handle that.

spk_1:   2:52
Yeah. So, first of all, I just want to say I can really feel from what you shared, Matthew, um, that these air really challenging times and um, we don't have it all figured out, that's for sure. On any level, from the most close in individually and then kind of as if we are in some kind of living in a family unit within our family, within our our work, um, community, you know, our if we're in an office are our office group. Ah, and all the way up the line. Really? As as a town as a county, As a state, as a nation, as a world. Um, we're just really, um we're breaking new ground here and trying toe. As you said, that was a great example that you gave about the person who realized they were not getting their breakfast eaten and realized that how it happened before is there was Ah, there was a rhythm. There was a sequence. There is a routine to it.

spk_0:   4:00
Yeah, because he commuted to work on a regular basis,

spk_1:   4:04
and now that's not there. And so, um, initially, we just we might just do the most obvious thing that we have to get done. Like, Okay, I have to be on that zoom call, and we we forget about the other. The other things that need to get done because they used to just be part of a whole flow to our morning habits, right? Yeah. Habits.

spk_0:   4:28
A habitual pattern. Yeah,

spk_1:   4:30
and we could call it reorganization. And I suppose that's something that you actually work with quite a bit. As a business consultant. We're now doing that on this micro individual. And as I say, you know, couple or family parenting level. I also have a colleague, actually, who said that on on a meeting last week? Um, she was just talking about how, um just the simple thing of, like its grocery day. You know, she says now there's, like, 10 other things to think about. She has a young child, an infant. Um, So all the things that we just used to do, um yeah, that just one thing would flow into another. Only we didn't have to be. We didn't have to be particularly conscious or deliberate about them. It's just like, OK, you know, you get the grocery bags and you get in the car, but now it's like, Oh, you gotta remember the mask.

spk_0:   5:26
Oh, yeah,

spk_1:   5:27
you have to make sure like it's a clean mask and maybe that you have the proper stuffing in the past, Um, and maybe you can't wear it the whole time because your daughter freaks out. So you just put it on right before you go in the store. All those things there, it's a whole different rhythm. It's a completely different rhythm from how how were used to kind of flowing through our day through our work day through our morning. So just Yeah, I'm just really feeling compassion for all of us with it takes a lot of energy to, um, to reorganize kind of from the ground up. So just having the the awareness of what is being asked of us, um, and having a lot of compassion, I mean lots and lots of compassion for ourselves and for each other. It's just a massive reorganization renegotiation, new navigating of of a completely changed terrain and one that continues to change. It's not even like we just got a second terrain, and we're we're figuring out that terrain we are, but it's also probably going to change again. Yeah,

spk_0:   6:41
there's no solid ground here. It's constantly shifting, which is a challenge.

spk_1:   6:46
Yeah, so, um, it's really important, I think. What this practice to to have the awareness that it is a lot and we as much as possible to call on compassion and patients with ourselves and with one another. And maybe maybe we won't be as productive. Maybe we won't hit the same targets that we are used to hitting because it does take a lot more energy and thought just to just to get our basic needs and are, if we are working, you know, our basic work done, it's not. It's not as simple and as fluid as it was before.

spk_0:   7:27
One What's interesting about that is I think it's different for, um from people because I've heard some people say they haven't worked harder in their life, Um, as compared to now, just because everything's been upended a bit, and so the norm is no longer than warm, and they've had to think about doing things differently, and they've had to put in a lot of infrastructure in place in their business, and so as a result, they're just working a ton to get there. And then there's the opposite side of a where there are people who are out of work. Keret home and luckily I mean, here in the United States, the government is providing decent funds. Um, and some of those people. I mean, luckily, I'm so thankful because some my friends who were laid off have gotten, um, adequate funding and are financially fine. Completely fine. Um, but then they also have, in a way, a little bit of a luxury because they're not having to work. Um, but that's the Now the future is, though, I mean, that that's only a short period of time, um, and in the future is unknown for them. So while now might be, I have more free time to do things and so on. There's a lot of anxiety about what's gonna happen, you know, three months down the road and how my career is going to change how my jobs can change and so on.

spk_1:   8:55
Yeah, And for I think some of us who are working less or are out of work, Yeah, for some of us, it is kind of a boon, especially if we if we have enough money and we, um we don't have too much difficulty filling the time you could say our remembering the things that we've wanted to do and finally have time to do. Many people are doing those, you know, deep cleaning that closet, you know, doing that craft project or doing things in their yards. Um, and however there are, I think there are others of us who find it quite difficult to, um, slow down to slow down. To have that that amount of spaciousness, it may even Ah, I mean, let's just face it. Many of us do push our feelings aside because some of them are difficult to have. And that was the case before the virus came along. And work can be a nice break from that. And sometimes we may use it a bit too much toe. Really never make contact with those feelings, but regardless of whether we did it too much or we did it the right amount. But now there's a big space for those feelings to come up,

spk_0:   10:15
and that could be very uncomfortable for some people.

spk_1:   10:20
Yeah, so, um, in that case, really, What we're looking at is whatever our situation is, if we are working more than ever, or if we're just feeling overworked in the sense of trying to figure out how to get the usual things just accomplished in the day in this different ordering. If we are, um, suddenly on, you know, zoom for 12 12 hours a day or something, or if we're feeling like we're facing a big void and just, you know, a kind of black feeling like I don't have a job to go Teoh and

spk_0:   10:58
on board, I'm anxious. Yeah,

spk_1:   11:01
so whichever of those things it iss it's being aware, being aware of of what our experiences. So if it's, um, again, like if it's the overwork, just acknowledging, Okay, I'm I'm working a lot. I'm having to make a lot more effort And can I just be Can I just be aware of that? And be patient if I am not accomplishing, as I was saying, like if I'm not accomplishing and exactly their rate or the quantity that I was before, or if I'm in this kind of formless, shapeless day, Um, can I just have the recognizing and the patients with the fact that I I feel lost a bit lost? So the recognizing of of it, whatever it is, the discomfort and then allowing it to be like that and being willing to be present with that experience and, you know, perhaps it. We've talked already about resources that can help us feel grounded and supported and, um, less alone as we deal with these new or increased challenges. And then, really, I want to call on the word creativity, especially in the case for those of us who feel like we have this big empty day and nothing happening so really Ah. Calling on our creativity and thinking outside our own box ski. Yeah, and being inventive, being innovative, every one of us has that capacity.

spk_0:   12:36
And I think the most important thing in creativity is being open to some plain, completely different because I think, you know, as I as I look forward, the future is going to be a different normal than what we're used to changing. Yes, and change is hard. I mean, as a business consultant, I know that we spend a lot of time on what we call change management. Um, because there is an automatic resistance to change.

spk_1:   13:07
What's the process that you what? What is the approach to that? A lot times

spk_0:   13:12
it's understanding where you're at related to the change. So it's mindful we call it in business. We call it stakeholder analysis, but essentially it's looking at If you were in a family unit, it's looking at and were, let's say we're going to move It is looking at every person in that family unit and understanding how they feel about that, you know? Do they understand why you need to make that move? Is it a compelling enough reason for them? And if it isn't a compelling enough in the resistant to it, what? What will help them? E. What will help ease the resistance?

spk_1:   13:47
And this is what we can do inside our own heart and mind?

spk_0:   13:50
Yes, and I think it's it's key to look at that process. It is very I mean, and I've been through a lot of change in organisations. Ah, and change is very difficult and often occurs very slowly. Just for that reason is because there's a lot of resistance to it

spk_1:   14:08
when it takes time to work through the different experiences that the different stakeholders air having so within our own mind, for example, there might be a part of us that super excited not to have to go to work and another part that's terrified that what, like we no longer have value or something, There is a kind of system about that. And then there's one that's terrified, that we'll never get a job again. Or so managing the change with the all those different kind of thoughts and beliefs and feelings and reactions that are coming up and taking, being willing to take the time to sort of get everybody sort of together and all on board. It's a combination from what I'm hearing of you, and this is certainly how I see the individual process is listening, and

spk_0:   14:56
communication is a key part of it.

spk_1:   14:58
Yeah, listening inside. And whichever one is sort of ah, loudest, you know our most. To put it more, yeah, whichever one is most needing our attention inside. And that's why we have so much emphasis on the body because, first of all, it gets us in the present moment, as we've talked about before. And once we become aware, if there's a place in our body that IHS that's tight, that's shaky. That's, um, restless. And if we are willing to to pause, it doesn't take a huge amount of time, but just pause from running away or suppressing the discomfort of it and be willing to just listen and let it, um kind of open up to us and give it space and give it compassion will often see Oh, you know, an image comes like, ah, you know, standing in line for the unemployment or waking up and not not needing to put on any work clothes and spending the day in our pajamas and how that makes us think about ourselves. Um, so as you're saying that that change does take some time and it takes some attention, and that's the same with our personal processes in this situation. So as I was saying patients and just continuing to listen and then calling on the creativity and being willing to try something new, um, and so obviously changes the time when creativity is most called forth, right?

spk_0:   16:33
Yeah, And I think I mean, and I like what you said in terms of the listening part of it, because I think when we talk about the creativity, ah, lot of times were engaging. Now there is the, um, the rational and the emotional side of us. Um, and one of the things as I've looked at creative processes. Um, if you have to look at, you have to break it down. Um, and you have to look at the objectives and try to figure out Okay, this is my objective. So let's say, for instance, I'm out of work. I need to get a new job is my objective. You know, what are the various ways to achieve that? Um, and there's a fine balance here because we're gonna have emotional reactions automatically Every one of those options.

spk_1:   17:14
Yes. So you have to pause and keep listening in

spk_0:   17:16
exactly. And that is,

spk_1:   17:18
and then have the next the next thought process be informed by what the emotion was was wanting as to see

spk_0:   17:27
when the key is to you almost have to do this systematically. Um, and it's writing it down is helpful. We do it in workshops.

spk_1:   17:37
No

spk_0:   17:37
ideation. Yeah. Ideation is a process where you literally got get up on a board and you start writing on driving all these things down. It's a creative process. Yeah, and you start with that objective. You put out the options, but you know, you need to kind of allow the emotional reaction, but that doesn't mean strike it down. Um, in other words, I put that idea up there and let's have a visceral emotional reaction to it. This is no way that will never work. Keep it there.

spk_1:   18:05
Yeah, and then turned toward the emotion and say, Why? Oh, yeah, like, show me more, right? What is you know? And it might be like,

spk_0:   18:13
Do you know one of the most fascinating aspects about that is because a lot of times when you go through creative processes, people automatic will say, Well, that's not possible. Or I could never realize that or I'm not good enough to achieve that.

spk_1:   18:27
Yes, and these air, all thoughts and beliefs. And as we've talked about, I mean that this is also something for us to bring awareness true. And it's not just because it's a fodder of belief. That doesn't mean dismiss it. I'm not saying just reject it, cause it's just a thought or it's just a belief. But remember that it's it's a kind of a map, right? And we've talked about this, that it's a map. It's it's something. It's, um it's a paradigm that we made sometime in the past based on on what was available then and, yeah, we the reason we create those is so that we don't have to reinvent the wheel every time. But sometimes we do need to sort of reinvent the wheel to some degree. And so it's it's tuning in and really getting kind of, I guess, more granular as they say, You're really getting a deeper, um, a deeper look at what skills? Or even, let's say positive adapted habits continue to serve in our current situation. And where do we need to kind of, um, develop a bit more of a muscle in a different direction, right? Or a different capacity that we haven't had to call on before now? And at first that's period comfortable. And just like you were talking about with your friend who's a runner, you know, in exercise, when we take on a new exercise, it's like, Oh, my gosh, I didn't even know I had that muscle and it hurts so much. I never used it, really, obviously until now, and it's hurting cause I've started using it. But once we go through that period, we actually become more strong and flexible in yeah, more resilient, more more capable. When when we have to do some movement suddenly in life, you know that muscle is now there for us.

spk_0:   20:17
And I think that's that's the key is to realize you can be adaptive, that you are not your thoughts. So, in other words, that visceral reaction, that emotion that's coming up that doesn't define you,

spk_1:   20:30
you're not your emotions either.

spk_0:   20:31
Yeah, and And I think what we we I mean I working groups when we do ideation and creative, um, mapping. And the key is get it all out there. Yes. And then it was out of

spk_1:   20:44
judgment. Like don't prejudge. Don't try to skipped the step where you get the solution just, like, get all the ideas and all the reactions

spk_0:   20:52
out there. Yes. And then part of the thing is, you know, from a personal perspective, um, part of it is to get it out there to understand your perspective. But this is also a time that you can also engage others. You can engage, um, a coach, a mentor who can after you've done this process Ah, then go to them and get their perspective. Um, and I think that the key is to engage rationality in this process versus the emotional process. The emotions are mindfulness. Andi Key with that is to really think through all the different options, and part of it is writing this down and getting it out there and understanding you. What is that emotional reaction versus what? Some, if you will mindful or what is more, you know,

spk_1:   21:44
responses to the circumstances rather than reactive. And what I'm really sensing from this whole discussion, Matthew, is that, um it's a matter of making the time in the space for that process and really being willing to a gate in the process, which does imply, um, having some willingness to be with the uncomfortable feelings, and that is part of the process. And it's worth it. And I think what's

spk_0:   22:13
important. We've said this a number of times. Um, is about what happens when you allow Yes, is that things change?

spk_1:   22:25
Yeah,

spk_0:   22:25
involved? Paradoxically, yes. And so I think very often when, and I've heard this from numerous friends. When I talked about things, I was like, I really don't want to think about that because, you know, it's just it's so uncomfortable. I get mad or what have you like? What if that's okay? Yeah. Why don't you try it and doom? Or of it? Um, and see what happens

spk_1:   22:47
and be with the feelings in a very spacious, nonjudgmental way and say, OK, anger. Like, show me what you've got. Like, what is it? You know, anger is Ah, anger is a signal. It's like, OK, what is it that we need to be aware of here? What are we needing to be more careful of?

spk_0:   23:04
And it can got a guide to, um, the keys. I mean, obviously, do the pause. Don't react to it. Uh, the key is to to and it's kind of interesting. I've heard the word. Sometimes it's it's acceptance. It's embracing it. It's really just realizing it's there. I accept you for who you are. Welcome in.

spk_1:   23:28
Yes. And they think I think sometimes when people hear that, they say, Well, then I'll never change. Then I'll never get anywhere. And so we don't just stop there. And that's that paradoxical quality that we've talked about. It's that we do. We do stop for a time and say, OK, let's just, you know, take off the lid and Let's feel all the yucky stuff with our resources, right? I need to keep some ground under a free while we do that. And not we're not trying to, like, throw ourselves into the deep end. Have

spk_0:   23:57
to do carefully. Yeah.

spk_1:   23:58
Yeah. And sometimes with other people. Or, you know what? The right amount? Not all at once. Um, but so once we've made that, once we have given them the room and listened inside, then very often just naturally a shift or an insight and inspiration, a new way forward will emerge. Or even if it doesn't, we still have kind of cleared the field. So there isn't this some this agitated kind of pond water there isn't like it's it's calmed and it's cleared. And so then we can have a more clear thought process. And this is where we do intentionally bring in the thinking. So this is no longer the reactive, um, thinking, but the actual more, um, more clear and responsive and adaptive thought process. And usually it goes much faster to once we've made the room. So it's that's the paradox of it is that we we take the time to stop. But then when we go forward and it's a bit like what? I guess that's the Benjamin Franklin, right? Like haste makes waste. Uh huh.

spk_0:   25:14
Yeah. I think you have to be thoughtful throughout this process. Very compassionate toward yourself and others. I think those that is key. Um, the realization. I've seen this the number of times with change. Change is difficult. Um, for everyone. I have, um I've even seen people, other consultants who were change agents who have seen be resistant to certain changes. Um and so just recognize it's normal. Um, give yourself a time and really also realized that if he can go through this process in a more methodical in a structured way and you do some of these tips that we're talking about, it will help, and then you start to accept that change. There's less resistance to the change. You can be more creative. You may be able to feel as going through this process. You might find, um, um better and enriching path that you want to go

spk_1:   26:15
down. Yeah. I was just looking at a card in a colleague's office, and it said something like, sometimes something good has to fall apart so that something butter can fall together.

spk_0:   26:29
It's very true. And unfortunately I mean one of the things I've constantly said is that there is such an entrenched resistance to change. Very often it takes catastrophe and crisis ease to invoke change. We see that in society we see it in governments. We see it in individuals, lives.

spk_1:   26:50
And when we feel, ah, when we feel the resistance coming up and even the almost a feeling of badness about it, maybe it's helpful to just remember that that physical fitness metaphor that I was just using a few minutes ago because it's the same, you know, when you're doing physical fitness, they're always trying toe vary the activity and give you a new challenge. Or that's at least more recently, it seems like they talk about, um, you know, doing shorter bits of things. I think that's the high intensity interval training may be and keeping, you know, they let your they let you do the exercise just for a couple of minutes, and then they change it so that the muscles don't get kind of complacent. Yeah, so yeah, it forces

spk_0:   27:36
you to be adapt.

spk_1:   27:37
It is uncomfortable. It's against our our our evolutionary imperative to conserve energy and yet it makes us stronger. Yeah,

spk_0:   27:48
good point. I think that's all we have for today. Thank you very much for listening. We hope you can be comfortable with the change that's going on now. For more information, feel free to visit our website at the way to well being dot com and for more information on how Barbara can help you. And for Resource is on her Web page, including a live daily meditation. Please go to barbara Newell dot com. Thanks again for listening and have a wonderful day.